Women and Higher Education

[hillfarm]

First off, I don't want this to get all snarky, so if you can't respond politely, please start your own thread. Everyone has a right to express their opinion without hostility being heaped upon their heads by those who disagree.

 

With all the threads about college tuition and various higher education options, I would love to have a thoughtful dialog about how you all feel about females and college educations.

 

I got my master's degree and had small but ongoing student loan payments until I was 35yo! I did work in my chosen career field for about 15 years and then had a child and became a sahm. While I value my education and feel that it made a very valuable contribution to my life, I am questioning whether I would encourage my dd to expend significant effort to obtain a similar education, particularly if she felt strongly that she wanted to work for only a few years and then have children and stay home with them.

 

We would not be able to afford much at all toward her educational expenses, but God has blessed dh with a job at a university, so dd would be able to go for free. I have to this point communicated to her the assumption that she should get a degree unless there were some compelling reason not to do so (had to miss finals to accept a Grammy award or Nobel Prize, etc.).

 

What do you all think? Is it reasonable for a young woman who knows she wants first and foremost to be a sahm to decline to seek post secondary education or to obtain it from a cheaper or less prestigious institution?

[Katrina]

Well, as far as secondary education goes, I'll quote what my grandfather told my sisters and I: "Yea, you might think you'll get married and your husband will take care of you, but there's always the two Ds, death and divorce. You need to be prepared to take care of yourself and go to college."

 

Now, as far as cost goes, I think it's resonable to sit down with your daughter and go into the pros and cons of a higher priced school with possibly larger student loans if she really isn't planning on pursuing a career. I do think it's rather risky though assuming that she'll get married. What if she doesn't, or doesn't meet her potential mate until well later in life? I think I'd rather be safe than sorry.

[snickelfritz]

Dh has considerable loans that we are still paying on(started out at around 40,000). However, he is a mechanical engineer and his job is more than paying them off. Another year or so will have them paid off. No regrets there, since he could not have his current career without the degree.

 

I had full scholarships for undergrad work in engineering. I was starting a masters degree in engineering (on loans) and felt strongly that I wanted a more family friendly career and/or to stay at home when we had kids. I didn't want dh and I to both be in stressful/traveling jobs with kids.

 

We made the decision for me not to pursue the masters degree and not to rack up many thousands of dollars of student loans. I would feel the same way about racking up huge loans for careers that are known to be low paying. Why spend $200,000 on a teaching degree from a prestigious university when you could go to a state college or regional college, be active in organizations and go teach?

 

I got my teaching certification and taught school for a few years. I don't regret my college education, but I also don't regret not having the student loans for a degree that I knew that I wasn't going to use.

[SonshineLearner]

I don't know, but I have 3 daughters, 16, 13, and 10. The oldest two are my step-daughters who we have half time. We were just talking yesterday about college and one of them was talking about what if they wanted to work and have children...at the same time. I realize that I haven't instilled a love of being home with my children....and it being a call of parents to actually parent their children. For most, this would mean the mother being home with them.

I don't have a problem with moms doing some work....or taking turns with the dad being a stay at home parent. I do have sadness thinking that I've somehow developed that attitude in some of my children, that it's ok to have children and then allow others to raise them.

Kinda sad.... and yes...I do expect my children to complete some form of the quadrivium that is recognized as a Secondary Institution.... SO, that if their husbands aren't able to work...that they wouldn't be left workinf at Mc Donalds.

 

Carrie

[Guest Katia]

I'm glad to give you my opinion. :001_smile:

 

IMO, this is a free country and women have the right to choose what they want to do in life, whether that be post secondary education or in-training to be a sahm. One is not 'better' than the other, and they are not exclusive of each other either; it is possible to do both.

 

But the choice should be up to each individual woman. I firmly believe this.

 

Now, that said, I'd like to relate the story of my mil, who is just about 80yo right now. She went to college in an age when it was not seen as necessary, but she did it to receive 'proper' training in playing the piano and How To Be A Good Pastor's Wife (as that is what she wanted to be).

 

Ok, she meet a young man that wanted to become a pastor while in college and married him. At their first pastorate position, her new dh didn't seek medical treatment for a bad sore throat > which was actually a strep infection > which moved to his kidneys > and he died when *my* dh was just 18 months old.

 

So....here was a young woman in her 20's, with a young baby and no dh. Thank God she had a college education. She got a job as a high school English teacher to support herself and her young ds and even though she eventually remarried (8 years later), she continued to teach as it was a good job, steady income and provided them with health insurance. (her new dh didn't want to give his $$ towards a son that wasn't his).

 

ANYhow......my dh has been profoundly shaped by his mother's life circumstances and therefore requires both of our dd's to attend college and preferably graduate school. He hopes that they will become sahm and homeschool their children, BUT he wants them to have the education to support themselves if necessary.

 

Because life doesn't always go the way you plan.

[Peri]

I think that the most important thing here to keep in mind is opening yourself up to opportunities. One of the reasons I chose to homeschool was to give my children a thorough education. Why do I want to give them a thorough education? I want them to be able to have the choise to do what they want with their lives. We never know what our futures will hold for us. What if she is a sahm and after a while decides its just not for her. She decides that she just needs to get out of the house and do something. I'm not saying that this will happen but what if it does. Should she then decide to go to college when it will be even harder for her to do so? If she is a sahm and is very happy with that, god forbid something happen to her husband or, god forbid even more, they get a divorce. Then what? Her options would be very hard due to the fact that she didn't go to college and expand her opportunities.

 

For me its all about safeguarding your future. I've seen this first hand because I come from a culture where a woman seeking an education is considered something unimportant. Many of these women who have moved to Europe and America are now struggling with having to work a very hard job or have even ended up relying on their children for financial support because they did not have the means to survive on their own. Did any of these women forsee moving to these countries. I bet none of them did. We never know what the future has in store for us so it is better to be prepared.

 

What's that old saying? An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.

[TeacherZee]

Two things:

 

1) I see my degree (for which I took loans) as my investment in me. I learned so much about myself in that time period that I don't think I would have learned elsewhere. I also learned a lot from the classes :D

 

2) As PP said. You never know when you are going to meet the love of your life. It might happen the first day of college. It might be a childhood friend or it might be when you are 35. To simply plan on getting married seems very short sighted to me. And again as PP said, what if something were to happen to her husband. She might have to support herself and her kids.

 

I see nothing wrong with going to a school that would cost less money. Although I took out a loan and saw it as an investment in me my sister managed to get her RN (or well she will have it in June) without taking any loans. We went to very different schools because we are very different people. Definitely sit down with your DD and talk about what she could do to support herself no matter if it is for 5 months or 5 years or 15 years. But I think that in today's society a woman does need to be able to support herself should the situation arise.

 

Just my $.02

[Mommyof4ks]

IMO yes, if a woman wants to go to college and get a degree then she should. We never know where our lives will lead, and what if she does not marry until she is 30 or what if she will meet her DH at her job or at a convention that has to do with her job.

 

I went to college knowing that I was getting married and would stay home with our children. My first child was born while I was still in college. The college that I attended was not prestigious, but it was a small private Christan school. I worked there full time until our DD was born, so DH and I went for free for 18 months, and I was able to get good financial aid for the rest.

 

If I need to get a job at any point, then I have the degree to help me get a better starting salary. Basically we don't know what the future holds, and I try to prepare for the what ifs as best I can.

 

Just my .02.

[Hoggirl]

Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

 

This pretty much sums up my philosophy even though I do not have a daughter.

 

With that said, there would be no way I could just step into a career that either my undergraduate or graduate degree qualifies me for. I've just been out of the loop for too long.

[klmama]

I hope my dd will stay home with her dc, and that she will hs them, but that's for her to decide with her dh. IMHO, she'll be better prepared to hs her dc if she has gone to college, and she'll have greater earning potential if she doesn't marry or if her dh were to die young.

[lulubelle]

That is an interesting question. I think a young woman should be guided to pursue her passions or interests and where ever that leads her, whether it be a public university or private.

I think that you were very lucky to meet your husband at a good time in your life that you were both able to make a decision together for how you wanted your family life to be.

I guess I would guide her to make decisions similar to yourself. Pursue your own road and when you meet the man you marry make decisions that will make the best sense for your family.

[Aubrey]

I wonder if a person can answer this question before she's lived her full life. Maybe you only use your degree for a few years before having children, & then maybe it in no way effects the raising of your children. Maybe it cost more than it seems to have been worth--that's where I am. But who knows what life holds after our children are grown?

 

I wish that I had not taken out student loans, whether or not that cost me my degrees. I know that I wanted to go to school, & I know that for my personality & gifts, school was a good thing. It's hard to separate school from loans, but I wish I had.

 

At the same time, I chose the degrees, the schools, & the jobs that I chose out of fear. I couldn't really imagine success outside my realm of experience, & barely within that realm. I wish I'd been more adventurous, tried more internships & things. I think I'd have had more opportunities & been able to earn more scholarships.

 

Or if I was going to take out loans anyway, I wish I'd studied Spanish in Spain & spent a semester in Rome. My school offered both programs, & I read the flyers, & I assumed that *I* couldn't do such things.

 

I don't mean to sound bitter. I'm really grateful for all I've learned, but I am also in the place where I'm thinking about what to tell my children about college. I'd only barely encountered the concept of being debt-free when I was in school, & only now am I fully realizing how important it is.

 

To the OP, though, if any of my dc had the opportunity to go to school for free, I'd drag them there if I had to, lol. I guess it's really only the debt that I regret. Fwiw, I have a BA in English Lit & an MEd in Teaching. I should have done an MA in English, but the teaching classes were offered online, & the Eng classes weren't. I was pg w/ #2, & dh was finishing his BA & working, so ... I got the teaching cert. Which expires this summer. :glare:

[FO4UR]

If a girl has a strong leaning towards SAHMing, she should be led to career paths that can be done from home. These opportunities are more numerous each year.

 

I think it's very possible for a person (male or female) to build a career w/o a college education, however I think the road map to "career" needs to be established rather than saying "I don't want to go."

 

I am SAHMing with student loans:glare: I don't regret my degree, but I DO regret the debt!

[Colleen]

Is it reasonable for a young woman who knows she wants first and foremost to be a sahm to decline to seek post secondary education or to obtain it from a cheaper or less prestigious institution?

 

Yes and no. Yes, it's reasonable for a young woman ~ or a young man, for that matter ~ to decline to seek post-secondary education (in the traditional "four year university") sense, or to obtain said education from a less expensive or less prestigious school. Doing so based solely on the fact that she wants first and foremost to be a sahm isn't a good basis for that decision, though. It's limiting one's vision, limiting one's horizons and possibilities.

 

The question every young person needs to ask himself or herself is whether a traditional four-year degree is the most apt choice as far as furthering oneself. There are so many, many other ways of further educating oneself; other ways to develop a career ~ or to at least have a foundation on which to build. Simply going to college for the sake of going to college isn't necessarily reasonable. But opting not to simply because one hopes to be a stay at mother would be unfortunate, particularly if no other education or trade was pursued.

[dangermom]

I'm all for higher education--or whatever other training/learning--for women who plan to stay home. Everyone's going to make their own decision, and I don't think it would make a lot of sense to spend incredible amounts of money or get a master's in a highly technical field that's going to change quickly, but there are lots of reasons to get as much education as we can. (I have a master's in library science myself and always planned on staying home if possible. I was very lucky in that we were already married, and my husband was earning a salary and could pay for me to go to the state school where I got my degree.)

 

 

1. Education as an intrinsic good. It's good for you, it's enjoyable, it's interesting to get an education, and usually it will have good effects throughout life. Having an educated mother is also good for children; it sets a good example and is more likely to result in children who get educations themselves. It's my understanding that a mother's level of education is far more influential on children than the father's is, regardless of whether she works or not.

 

2. Insurance. Any intelligent woman with a little foresight is going to want to acquire skills, because life is nothing if not uncertain. Death, divorce, layoffs, disability, financial problems--any of these can hit a family and require a former SAHM to support her family. It is only common sense to gain job skills while it's easiest.

 

3. I know very, very few SAHMs who never earn any money. Most of them do something to bring in some income, even if it's only here and there. I am an extra-help librarian at the public library, and work a couple of days a month. I also run a field-trip program there. A woman with certification or a degree will want to exert some effort to keep up with her field.

 

4. Many of us are not going to be home forever. Though we might not want to go to work full-time later on, we also might. My mom has been working full-time for 15 years now and is very valued--she got her degree before I was born.

 

So I think it's eminently sensible for a woman to get lots of education, though I do think it's important (as it is for anyone) to balance practicality with the joy of learning. (I can do the joy of learning thing on my own, but nursing classes will help me eat!)

[mom31257]

In some ways I'm with the crowd that it's better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it. I got a college degree at 22, married at 24, and had my first child at 30. I've been a sahm ever since, except for part-time stuff here and there. When we've needed extra money, the math degree has been VERY useful. I've made $25-$30 an hour part-time.

 

I don't want my dd to feel that she needs to get married before it's the right time. Sometimes I think not going on to college or a good career right out of high school could cause girls to feel pressured that they are supposed to be getting married. I would not have been ready for marriage at 18 or 20.

 

We are Christians, so we are praying with her about her future, trusting God to direct what path she should take when necessary. I know it will not be the same for everyone.

[mommylawyer]

First of all, let me say that I repeat a sentiment already expressed in a pp, my apologies. I didn't read the previous posts this time. (I'll go back when the kids stop playing loudly right next to me!)

 

My mother was not an advice-giving type of mom, but she did a couple of times and one of those times she told me that she wanted me to be able to take care of myself because you never know what the future holds.

 

I value my education - and actually, still use it since I work part-time in my field. I think, regardless of what you would like to see happen for your daughter or what she may want to happen for herself, one should have a contingency plan. Now, that's not the only reason to pursue an education past high school, but it is a reason nonetheless.

 

Give your daughter the tools she needs to make it in this world if she doesn't fulfill the goals of being a full-time SAHM. You never know!

[Audrey]

College or vocational training should be a consideration for any woman. Even if you *think* you want to be a sahm and that's your goal in life, there is no guarantee you'll ever even get married -- ever! I suppose if you're so desperate to be the sahm that you'll doggedly pursue and marry any ol' schmoe, then okay. But, that's a pretty poorly thought out decision.

 

What about the time in between reaching adulthood and marrying? You've got to do something, right? Why not pursue a career that interests you? College could be an option, but not necessarily so if your talents lie elsewhere. Exs. My mom was a bookkeeper before she got married (at 30). She took the 2 year certification course and worked for an agency that kept books for a large number of other businesses.

 

I have a cousin who wanted nothing more than to marry and be a sahm. She still hasn't met the right man (she's 32 now), but she had an aptitude for electronics, took a course, and has her own repair business now. Should she meet the right fellow, she'll be able to continue at her business if she chooses and even move it home (on a smaller scale) to continue in the support of her family. (This is actually what she's said she'd like.)

 

And, as others have mentioned... life happens. It happens harder when you're unprepared for it. So, IMO, a woman with no skills, training or useful degree who finds herself suddenly widowed or divorced is going to be in for a much rougher ride than a woman who had the foresight to arm herself with knowledge and skills.

Edited February 27, 2009 by Audrey

[fivetails]

I think the choice should be up to the individual - when our dd12 is old enough to go to college or university, she (and only she) will make that decision. I would never *insist* that she go - because at that point, she will be an adult capable of making her own decisions. :)

 

Of course, I also don't see college/university as the be-all and end-all that some people do - it's entirely possible to live a wonderful & productive life without ever setting foot in one. ;)

[Janet in Toronto]

I have two wonderful aunts in their 80s who never married. One became a nurse and had a long career, culminating as "Head Nurse" on the OB/GYN floor in a major urban hospital. The other was an economist and taught at university. She was involved in setting up the first provincial health insurance plan in our area. My mother went to medical school and was finished and practicing her specialty (OB/GYN) before she found the man she would marry at age 32.

 

They were born in the 1920s. These were the daughters of a labourer (worked in a slaughterhouse) and a SAHM (my grandparents). They all put themselves through higher education and had successful careers. They were all "marriage-material"...smart, funny, self-confident women. One never knows what life holds in store for us.

[Dobela]

I am all for women getting an education beyond high school. All I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother, but I didn't marry until I was 28, and we didn't begin a family until I was 30. Then my dh lost his job and I was the only one supporting us for several months. How thankful I was then that I had a degree, even a master's, and was able to find a job in a place/career field I liked while my dh was able to focus on finding a new job. My income was enough to pay the rent and provide insurance for us. I often compared myself to a friend in a similar situation at the time. She didn't have a degree and could only find minimum wage jobs or waitress positions with no benefits. Now I am home full time and haven't worked in several years but I have a certain peace knowing I could work and be paid fairly well if I needed to.

 

I chose college (well, my parents said I was going to college instead of anything else if I wanted them to help pay), but I am not opposed to any kind of education that would make a woman better prepared to support herself and her family should the need arise. Or even work part time if needed. As the economy worsens, it may take everyone in the family working hard to bring in enough income to survive on.

[athena1277]

I always wanted to be a wife and mother. I also knew that it sometimes takes 2 incomes to keep a family afloat. That is why I chose to major in education. I felt that that way I could at least be home with my children on holidays, summers and even evenings. True, I only taught for one semester formally. At that point I never dreamed I would hs. Now that I am, I am so grateful for my teacher training, it gives me much more confidence in teaching my own children. Even though I do not plan to go back to teaching in a school, I have kept my certification up to date. Just in case the unthinkable happens.

[HSMom2One]

I was a freshman in college in my mid thirties, went straight through four years of college and then continued on for a fifth year for a complimenting certificate to add to my degree. My education totally transformed my life, making not only a better future for me career-wise, but also to round me out as a mature person. I received loans, grants and scholarships for my education and am still owing money on the loans - so I'll be paying for a long time yet.

 

If I had to do it all over again I would do it again even with the loans. Life without that education was very, very different for me. Today I am grounded in a way that I could never have imagined. I understand the world better. I know how to contribute to the community better. I am wiser and more confident than I would have been otherwise. And when I needed to step up my career, that education did indeed serve me well.

 

Education is incredibly important for both men and women. I will certainly encourage my daughter and my granddaughters to pursue as much college as they can.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Peek a Boo]

in the interest of not being too repetitive, I agree w/ almost everything that's been said so far :)

[hillfarm]

Thanks for your comments. I definitely want dd to take full advantage of any free education that she might be able to get through tuition remission. But I agree that the cost of a young woman's education (both in terms of time and money) needs to be considered in relation to how dedicated she might be to pursuing that career in the future.

 

I don't regret most of my education (perhaps a little of that master's work that I never really utilized....), and honestly, I only had to pay $50 per month for my student loan, so it wasn't a harsh financial burden. While I like the level of education I have, I'm not sure I would consider it necessary for my current lifestyle. Thank you all for reminding me that tomorrow could bring me something very different, and also that there will be life after dd leaves the nest (you promise, right???).

 

I have also told dd that if she is certain she wants to become a sahm, then perhaps she could focus on a career that would have lots of application in that setting--something like nursing, home economist, education, child development, etc.

 

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and experiences on this topic.

[coralloyd]

I am one of those girls that knew I wanted first and foremost to be a wife and sahm, so I never went to college. Instead I chose to focus on working with children in every way I could (respite work with disabled children, day care, live in nanny etc...). If I would have gone to college, I would have picked something that would have helped me as a sahm. I will tell my girls if their desire is to be a mom, they should plan carefully. If they want to go to college, there are many college majors that could be of great benift to a sahm.They should choose one that won't conflict with that desire. I am very happy with my choice. I have no debt, I'm doing exactly what I always wanted.

I might just be odd -I also haven't worked outside the home a day since I was married, even before kids. This was both mine and dh's desire.

Edited February 28, 2009 by coralloyd

[dangermom]

I have also told dd that if she is certain she wants to become a sahm, then perhaps she could focus on a career that would have lots of application in that setting--something like nursing, home economist, education, child development, etc.

 

This is a good point, but really, I think that most degrees will have interesting applications in the home. A mom usually pours her interests into her home and family. I'm a librarian--we read and spend a lot of time in libraries. A musically talented woman will have a more musical home than I do, and a scientifically-minded mom will teach her kids about the wonders of the world around us. Moms can almost always share their interests with their children and enrich their home life accordingly--it's one of the perks. :001_smile:

[Reya]

What do you all think? Is it reasonable for a young woman who knows she wants first and foremost to be a sahm to decline to seek post secondary education or to obtain it from a cheaper or less prestigious institution?

 

It's silly to come off with huge debts disproportionate to one's expected income, period. Choose a different major or a different school or start out at a community college and transfer. Low-paying professional jobs rarely pay better with degrees from more prestigious schools anyway, so what's the point????

 

Now, that said, I strongly believe in the importance of a post-secondary ed for women, PERIOD. I don't care what you think you're going to be. Not everyone gets married, and desperation to BE married because that's the only way one can envision one's future can lead to seriously bad choices in spouse, anyway. It also, frankly, puts an unfair burden on one's mate to live up to the hubby-hole you have in your imagination. In addition, a large educational gap between husband and wife isn't a good situation. How can you be a helper if you aren't an intellectual equal, or anything close to it? This is a cause for men to have disrespect for their wives--even if they say they don't--and, yes, to eventually cause marriages to fail.

 

In addition to that, BAD THINGS HAPPEN!!!!! Husbands ditch wives--even super-nice, super-submissive and wonderful wives. Husbands get sick. They get fired. They DIE. If you have no backup, no marketable skills, whatever, you have no security whatsoever. This is BAD.

 

If my DH got hit by a bus tomorrow, I'd sell our house, move to Texas, and plow every cent I had into rentals (which have a 30% net ROI right now in my hometown). Grandparents would help relieve me by providing some childcare so I didn't have to do the single-mom thing totally alone. I would continue to work as a writer and would gradually increase my real estate holdings and could be making six figures, net, on rentals only in about 10 years. And I could continue homeschooling, too. If I got desperate, I'd teach more dance and launch a home organization company. I wouldn't be happy, but I'd be fine, financially. (Yes, I can do most of the repairs and maintenance needed for rentals, and my dad could teach me most of the rest.)

 

These are unpleasant possibilities, but they're important to consider! You've got to have a parachute. Crap happens. You still have to survive.

[Aggie]

in the interest of not being too repetitive, I agree w/ almost everything that's been said so far :)

 

Ditto.

 

I'll also add that we are teaching our dc skills which they can use to work from home, if they so choose, AFTER they have the required, *useable* (we will not encourage nor support a degree in 15th century French poetry) 4yr degree. Our 12 & 13yo dds already have a small business they are building up. With some time and effort, they should be able to fund a good portion of their college.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Well, I was one to detest kids, never wanted to get married, loved my freedom to sleep around as I wanted, etc... I graduated as an engineer, started working, eventually met DH at work (after I calmed down and lost my wild ways).

I switched jobs so not to work with DH, and that new job paid muchos $$$. *I* paid our debts, not him. Then we figured out we were comfortable enough to allow me to stay home with kids. Did I mention I changed a lot?

 

So, okay, life didn't unfold as planned, and that's why you need employable skills, be it a degree or not!

[Ruthie]

One thing that never occured to me was, what if your dh gets sick?

 

No one ever said that to me. Death, you have life insurance. Divorce, alimony. But if your dh gets sick and can't work and the wife can't make money, that is trouble.

 

My heart breaks for those women I see who make minimum wage. Their time is just as valuable as mine and to think they work so hard for just a few dollars. I NEVER want my dd (or ds) in that position.

Ruthie

[OnTheBrink]

I'm glad to give you my opinion. :001_smile:

 

IMO, this is a free country and women have the right to choose what they want to do in life, whether that be post secondary education or in-training to be a sahm. One is not 'better' than the other, and they are not exclusive of each other either; it is possible to do both.

 

But the choice should be up to each individual woman. I firmly believe this.

 

 

 

Because life doesn't always go the way you plan.

 

I completely agree.

[Mom-ninja.]

Well, as far as secondary education goes, I'll quote what my grandfather told my sisters and I: "Yea, you might think you'll get married and your husband will take care of you, but there's always the two Ds, death and divorce. You need to be prepared to take care of yourself and go to college."

 

 

 

This is what I was taught.

 

Besides, I loved my college time. I don't feel that time and money was wasted because I don't have a job outside rasing/teaching my kids. Although my in-laws have made comments about how I wasted their son's money.

[katemary63]

 

ANYhow......my dh has been profoundly shaped by his mother's life circumstances and therefore requires both of our dd's to attend college and preferably graduate school. He hopes that they will become sahm and homeschool their children, BUT he wants them to have the education to support themselves if necessary.

 

Because life doesn't always go the way you plan.

 

:iagree::iagree:Nuff said!

My DD23 is presently single. She plans to continue her education and persue a career AS IF she always will be. She has a BFA in Creative Writing. When she graduated, she landed an excellent job with great pay, insurance, 401K and other benefits that include tuition reimbersment. She starts night school in the fall for nursing! (80% paid for by the her employer) When Mr. Right comes along, she'll drop work like a hot potato and be a SAHM. But she'll have the credentials to make it on her own if need be.

[Lovedtodeath]

I am a SAHM that wishes I had a college education. I tried to do it now, but taking care of my pregnancy and baby got in the way. Our family would be able to spend more time together if I could pursue my career goal. As it is DH has to work way too much.

 

I did have very good paying jobs before kids, but for flexible jobs you usually need a degree. I see nothing wrong with an Associates or vocational training.

 

I did not read the other replies and wanted to give you a personal perspective from my own experience.

[Sara R]

Women getting higher education and/or job certifications is a good thing, because you don't know what life could bring. (There are other benefits as well.)

 

Avoiding student loan debt is also a good thing, for the same reason. I've listened to the Dave Ramsey show long enough to know that student loan debt can cause serious problems, especially the plan is, if possible, to not use that education for full-time work. And for all we know, debt might become harder to pay off in the future. That's how it worked during the Depression. (Conversely, inflation may make fixed-rate debt easier to pay off. We'll see how everything plays out.) Debt does put you into bondage. I would recommend that a young woman do all she can to get higher education except for taking out loans.

[Veritaserum]

I think it's absolutely important for women to have higher education, even if their aspirations are to be wives and mothers. My sister and I both have degrees (I a BA and she a MA) and we currently stay at home with our children. I learned a lot and grew a lot in college. I completely expect my five daughters to attend and graduate from a university. :)

 

While I have nowhere near the earning power dh does, I also take comfort in my degree if circumstances changed and I needed to earn income for our family.

[FlockOfSillies]

plow every cent I had into rentals (which have a 30% net ROI right now in my hometown).

 

Reya, be a dear and PM me your hometown! :D

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

When I chose to stay home with my kids I asked my parents if they were upset at all they had contributed to my higher education (I have both a BA and a Masters). They both emphatically said no- in their view a good education is useful your entire life if you use it properly. They fully supported my decision to stay home with my young children and then to homeschool. My mother always referred to my higher education (in a worst case scenario use) as an insurance policy. If the worst happened I would still be employable. And I am grateful everyday I homeschool for that education.

 

For myself, I hope my daughter stays home with her children. I think there is huge value in that choice. However, I have no idea what her life might bring and what her future needs will be or how old she will be when she finds a husband. I hope to raise all my children with a good education and life skills. I plan to encourage all of them to pursue higher education.

[Peela]

My concern would be narrowing of options in life. Not that someone cant get further education at any time...but as a middle aged woman, my options in life ARE limited by what education I have up to this point.

And I know from experience that it is NOT a pleasant life situation to be in, to be financially- and therefore to some extent emotionally- dependent on a man who is difficult to live with and refuses to face his own demons. I did leave my marriage for 18 months- it was truly unbearable at the point I left and had been for some time, and it WAS better for the kids and I. In my case, we reconciled because things changed. Meanwhile, I had to work. The job was ok. But not what I am capable of or what I would want to do indefinitely.

Life throws up so many doozies. The dream of being happily dependent on a single income coming from your partner is....well, not always realistic. And to tell the truth, I am not sure it is such a healthy dream, either, even though I am the first to say kids need a parent at home, particularly in the early years.

 

With my dd, I suspect she isnt going to make it to university. So meanwhile, I intend to get her some basic business skills and whatever else I can get her to do while I am still a strong influence. She is a strong and free spirit and will do what she will do. I want her to feel confident she CAN do what she wants to do, that she CAN stand on her own feet- with or without a man to support her. Whether than involves further education or not, I dont know yet. Its not the be all and end all of getting ahead in life.

 

However, further educaiton is not just about getting better paid work or a more rewarding career. To me, the whole "classical education" concept is being educated to have a richer, deeper, better life. One doesn't need to go to uni to further educate oneself, but I sure hope my kids dont stop where I leave them- I hope they continue their own journey and keep growing and learning.

[cathmom]

I got my MA a month before our second child was born and planned to stay home with her for a year or so. At the end of that year, we decided to homeschool. I never "used" the degree. However, 2 years ago when I started looking for a job, I was immediately offered a job teaching Spanish at a charter school for 2 reasons: my Spanish and my MA.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

There's another aspect that wasn't discussed, as far as I could see.

In previous lifetimes ;-) women may have stayed home with the kids, but they contributed to the lifestyle, not by bringing in money in an outside job. They tended a garden, prepared jars and jars of food for the winter time, knitted all socks and sweaters, sewed most clothing. Some even spinned their own wool.

So, those SAHM were major contributors to the household lifestyle! Now all these activities are money costing. We buy most of our sweaters, and most of our clothes. In fact sewing is barely a cost saver now.

 

Nowadays I believe a SAHM should be looking at contributing to the household anyway. Whether it's by a part time job over the weekend, or by implementing many cost-savings activities at home, (we're saving private school tuitions by homeschooling, we're saving money by eating at home almost every single night, etc..)

 

I'd love to find a part-time job I could do from home!

[Punkinelly]

I think an education is good for any mind. I am glad I got mine because I want to be someone educated enough to have a stimulating conversation with my husband and to be able to teach my children through high school. My college education has helped me with both. For me, it was a good thing.

 

I am encouraging my daughters to seek the Lord about what they should do and to consider studying something that will help them serve others.

 

However, I would not encourage it if loans were a part of it. Nope. Our student loans crippled our finances for 20 years, so our children are not getting them. They can work to pay for school and work hard home schooling while preparing for the SAT so they can get scholarship money, too. If they do not have grants, saved money, and/or a part time job, then they will wait to go to college. They see what our loans have done to the whole family and they do not want to repeat it, so they are in agreement with this. It is a huge hole to dig out of and is not necessary in order to go to college. Jmho--unpopular, I know, but there it is.

 

Some of my kids are not interested in college, anyway. They want to do things that do not require it.

 

Mary

[Josie]

I believe that if the young lady has ANY interest at all in pursuing a higher education that she should do so with no regret. Now, I don't think anyone, male or female, should attend a college that they can't afford. I believe they should work and pay as they go. Hopefully, the parents can help with the cost, but regardless I believe paying as you go is the best way. Yes, it may take longer, but there will be no debt.

 

I have a doctorate degree, and I am a sahm. I believe my degrees enable me to show things to my dc that I couldn't have without the experience. Oh, and I mean both the academic experience and the extraneous experiences that occur while pursuing a degree. Just as a rancher or farmer can show their children things I can't even imagine, I, too, can show things to my children because of my experiences that someone without them can't even imagine. I have a sister who can show her children how to live on next to nothing and how to deal with the streets. If I am ever in that situation I know I will RUN to her for help. I say this to bring home the point that no one path is best. All the paths are just different, and we need all kinds of experiences to make the world go 'round.

 

I do not regret my higher ed experiences at all.

 

I agree with several of the posters that a lady never knows what the future will hold and being prepared for unexpected circumstances is a good idea.

[Susan in KY]

I went to school through the Master's level, and I am glad I did. I have used both my undergrad and graduate degrees, and I am glad to have something I can go back to should dh get sick or lose his job, or...name a problem.

 

I went for my undergrad at a "Big 10" state school with a solid reputation in my field. It was a good choice and I graduated without debt.

 

However, when it came to pursuing the MA—which I did after marriage—I wanted to go to Bank Street (Columbia) and get my degree from this "real" (read: real expensive!) institution. I prayed about it, but was very distinctly led to a no-name state school instead. There, the tuition was fully paid, I got an assistantship, and we came out slightly ahead financially in the long run. It wasn't a drain on the family finances at all. That choice freed us to do what we wanted to do shortly after I graduated—move to Africa as missionaries.

 

In the end, I found that the hands-on education I received at the no-name institution was in fact much more practical than the theory I would have received at Bank Street. I used my training the entire time I was in Africa, developing curriculum for a school there. The school was short on resources and long on enthusiasm, and the techniques I learned via my degree in Urban Education served us well. In fact, I am still using it as I develop curriculum for kids' church.

 

That's about 4 cents worth, but I have a shorter answer: yes to higher education, no to pursuing a designer school for the prestige. Pray and see what happens. Each case is different, but God promises to lead us by right paths for our lives. You may just find that the institution of lesser cost offers higher value in the long run.

 

FWIW,

Susan

[eternalknot]

I think an education is good for any mind. I am glad I got mine because I want to be someone educated enough to have a stimulating conversation with my husband and to be able to teach my children through high school. My college education has helped me with both. For me, it was a good thing.

 

:iagree:

 

To me, the college experience is less about financial security and is more about personal fulfillment. I think everyone should seek higher education; perhaps not with the goal of completing a full degree program, but at least with the goal of enriching their lives and gaining meaningful experiences. Perhaps in seeking out things that they didn't even know interested them until they were made aware of and actively sought them out!

 

I have a college degree that I've never used to obtain or maintain a job - my chosen career didn't require a degree and was easily enough attainable that I didn't need a plan B. However, the knowledge and experience I gained during the process of earning that degree are present in all areas of my life, and I don't at all regret going. Not just school knowledge, but life skills.

 

I still find no real need for the first degree I earned way back when. Yet I also still continue my quest for higher education, and regularly attend college. I register for subjects that are interesting and relevant to my life and interests. I've racked up a gazillion college credits, some which have culminated in secondary degrees just by chance (not by my design), but again - the goal is to learn for the sake of learning, rather than to attend as a type of insurance plan for my future.

 

My parents and husband have dropped some serious cash on my education; certainly more than I could ever earn from using any or all of them if I needed to. From a business perspective, I may seem like a poor investment -- very low perceivable returns on the investment, especially since I don't use my degrees in my chosen career. Right? However from a personal perspective, I can't think of any better investment than in myself or my kids. The returns may or may not be tangible (degree, good paying job), but the non-tangible rewards are just as much (if not more) worthy of reasonable investment (*). I think everyone should go for at least a spell, and to see what it's all about.

 

*Reasonable meaning relatively within one's means in terms of time and tuition; loans aren't evil, but they should only be a "side helping" of one's financing (and not the bulk of it). As well, school shouldn't be completed on a fast-track or four-year track if it is burdensome to one's family - there has to be a balancing of everyone's needs IMO.

[Rosie_0801]

My BA is completely useless in the world of employment, but was worth every cent I paid (and am yet to pay!) because I wouldn't be the woman I am without it. It widened my horizons so much and improved my thinking skills a great deal. Without it I wouldn't feel educated at all and certainly wouldn't have the confidence to homeschool my kiddies. That being said, it's a shame I wasn't born a trade type person, I wouldn't have the debt and would actually be employable!

In my opinion, a tertiary education is still a benefit to a girl who intends to marry and have babies as soon as possible. A better version of yourself will attract a better quality hubby and will be more equipped to bring up kids. As we all know, they can use all we have at our disposal and still need more! I also think it is irresponsible not to have a useful qualification since one never knows what the future will hold. Dh is back at uni this year and I'm hoping he'll find work next year that will put us in a financial position where I can study for a "real" qualification myself. I have a degree and a diploma, am fairly useless in the employment market, but I don't regret the time or money spent because I wouldn't be me without them, and I wouldn't have met dh either!

 

:)

Rosie

[Catherine]

I think the answer is-many purposes. Self-awareness and self-fulfillment, better ability to teach others, insurance against future adverse events, assuming one chooses to be a SAHM, and putting one in a position of confidence when interacting with educated people.

 

I myself am employed part time, and in fact after finishing my education and training, have not ever worked full time. I used to think that I would be perceived by my more career-driven colleagues as a slacker. In fact, the only feedback I've ever gotten on this was *envy*-from both men and women. Hearing that expressed by my the sage elders of my hospital, who taught me, was priceless.

 

My dh has premature heart disease. Our youngest child is 7. There is a very real possibility that he may not live to old age and while it is scary and painful to consider this possibility, both of us and so grateful that I pursued a good education and can support our family if it becomes necessary. It was expensive, no doubt, but I consider education an investment and it is one of the few purchases I think merits assuming debt.

[G5052]

I worked for 15 years before children, and have three degrees, a graduate certificate, and several professional certificates without ever having taken out a loan. And I've almost always worked part-time since having children. DH wanted me to keep my skills up because he had seen so many widows go below the proverty line with the loss of their husbands. He grew up in conservative Christian circles, and speaking frankly, very few widows are supported the way the Bible indicates. My MIL did OK (they had almost no retirement savings), but one of my SIL's and a close friend of ours have said that they were largely on their own other than help from family members a year after their DH's had passed away.

 

Now he's disabled, and is very near to having to retire early on disability. And four years ago I was told that his life expentancy was 5-8 years, so do the math. He's a tough cookie, but his health is declining. Our homeschooling has been really focused on making our children independent in their studies, which thankfully is doable with one in the logic stage and one close to it.

 

So yes, my daughter will get a college degree, and I will encourage her to consider some type of part-time pursuit to keep herself current.