Fun(ish)- Things that annoy you about your MIL

[Soror]

(tongue in check)

I just love it when she gives me unsolicited advice. I mean who doesn't love that? Today it was - "Oh, you shouldn't do that. People will say/think blah blah blah."

What I wanted to say, "I don't give a flying F what people say and think," and "I don't care what you think either."

What I said- "Well, I don't care. It's none of their business and that's on them. I'm not making decisions based on that."

And-- "Oh, you should make sure not to get too nice a car for dd1." 

I think she has amnesia and misremembers that her kids had cars only a few years old. FIL rebuilt cars so that helped them afford it- they also made way more money than us. The car buying for dd1 is complicated for a variety of reasons- none of which are again any of her or anyone else's business.

So, anyone else have MIL annoy them recently? 

My mil is generally ok. Says stupid stuff like this. Thinks she has some sort of say in what we do. Funny thing is I do go to my Mom for counsel because she doesn't push her POV and get all judgy with us. I would never do that with MIL. I give her an FYI on things but don't ask or care about her opinion on pretty much anything.

 

Edited February 3, 2023 by Soror

[YaelAldrich]

I'm so glad my MIL gave birth to my DH. Is that enough? 😛

[Kassia]

6 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said:

I'm so glad my MIL gave birth to my DH. Is that enough? 😛

Same!  🙂

[kbutton]

Also said tongue-in-cheek...I love it when she treats us like show ponies if we go to church with her. 

I also love it when she asks me to make decisions for an entire group of people just so that she can criticize and second guess all of them. 

She has a delightful way of making even the most normal, ordinary activities exquisitely awkward.

[kbutton]

Oh, and I love that she mails socks to people when she finds them in her house. Single or in pairs--it matters not at all. It doesn't matter if she showed them to you while you were there and you said there weren't yours. The best is when a single sock arrives in an anniversary card!

And then there is giving her directions--she can't picture anything at all in her head when she has a thought. So if you say something like, "It'll be a brown highway sign for a historical landmark vs. a green one for exits," she will mock you for knowing what color highway signs are.

I also love that when she asked me to make potato salad because she was too busy and would add too many ingredients (thereby ruining it), she tried to micromanage it and then also got jealous when people liked my plainer (both by request and because that's how I make it) better. 

[Arcadia]

Also tongue in cheek 

1) my MIL and FIL are both good at being public announcement systems. If you need gossip spread fast, just tell them.

2) MIL is rather compulsive about neatness. If you need your kitchen to look hyper neat, just invite her for tea.

[bolt.]

I love my MIL to bits, and she is really just a lovey person (no sarcasm at all) but everybody's annoying in their own way, so here are my contributions:

- I just *love* it when she tells me the same news/info/story twice when it's just the two of us; then twice more when my DH is there; once more to make sure that anyone else who enters the room has heard; and then twice more again the next time I see her; then once more the time after that; and 2 or 3 more times at the next large-ish family event that involves people who haven't yet heard.

- She's just so lovely warm and intuitive that I sometimes feel like a cold-hearted relationship-idiot in comparison. Sometimes I look pretty cold-hearted to other people too. That's not awesome.

[TexasProud]

Oh.... this makes me sad.  I was excited to post all of the things I love about my MIL since everyone seems to want to bash theirs... But that isn't what the thread is about. Mine does absolutely nothing to annoy me.  She is absolutely wonderful. 

Edited February 2, 2023 by TexasProud

[bolt.]

Just now, TexasProud said:

Oh.... this makes me sad.  I was excited to post all of the things I love about my MIL since everyone seems to want to bash theirs... Mine does absolutely nothing to annoy me.  She is absolutely wonderful. 

Nothing! Really? Because mine is a saint, and I adore her -- but she still annoys me sometimes.

[Elizabeth86]

My favorite thing about my MIL is that there is zero pressure to like her because no one hates her more than her own kids/family. 😂

Edited February 3, 2023 by Elizabeth86

[gardenmom5]

My mil was nuts - and the family often teased her not to lose the key to the locked psychiatry unit or they were likely to confuse her for the patients.

That said - I came to love and appreciate my mil.  (It helped I developed good boundaries with her so I could see her good points.)   

I have many stories . . . most I won't repeat because they're just not kind.

but . . . her brother shared one.  He sent her to the store for a drill bit.  She came back with six.   Do you want to know why she bought six?  that's all they had.

[Terabith]

I love my MIL.  A lot, really, on her own merit.  She's kooky, but she's very real; she's friendly; she's easy to be with.  She cooks us dinner once a week, and for years did that 2-3 times a week, and she never made me feel badly about it, and she took care of my kids a fair bit when they were little, including homeschooling a couple mornings a week when I worked.  She's a great artist, and she's super sincere.  

[Elizabeth86]

16 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Oh.... this makes me sad.  I was excited to post all of the things I love about my MIL since everyone seems to want to bash theirs... But that isn't what the thread is about. Mine does absolutely nothing to annoy me.  She is absolutely wonderful. 

That’s great! My mom loved her mil this much too. To be honest she would take my mom’s side over her own son’s. She said he was too grouchy and didn’t appreciate her. Count your blessings you have a good one. 

[Indigo Blue]

My MIL has passed on, so I can’t really say. We didn’t have a close relationship, but she never did anything to hurt me. On the other hand, she didn’t really interact with us unless she needed something. 
 

I mostly just wanted to say that if I ever were a MIL, I would hope/want to be a good one. 

[Elizabeth86]

1 minute ago, Indigo Blue said:

My MIL has passed on, so I can’t really say. We didn’t have a close relationship, but she never did anything to hurt me. On the other hand, she didn’t really interact with us unless she needed something. 
 

I mostly just wanted to say that if I ever were a MIL, I would hope/want to be a good one. 

Oh me too! I’m constantly trying to think of ways not to be a crappy mil/grandma someday. I keep saying I’ll make a list so I don’t forget.

[Clarita]

50 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Oh.... this makes me sad.  I was excited to post all of the things I love about my MIL since everyone seems to want to bash theirs... But that isn't what the thread is about. Mine does absolutely nothing to annoy me.  She is absolutely wonderful. 

Me too. 

Her "annoying" thing doesn't even annoy me. She has tons of complaints about certain things in her house, but she also won't get rid of them. For example she doesn't like her kitchen, she doesn't like the way it looks and it doesn't particularly work well for her. She has spent time and effort to replace a dishwasher, a refrigerator, and redid parts of her counter top to be exactly the same as the day she bought the house. She pays extra money to make all these things remain exactly the same. 

[fraidycat]

1 hour ago, YaelAldrich said:

I'm so glad my MIL gave birth to my DH. Is that enough? 😛

I guess this. My DH does not have contact with his mother and hasn't since before I ever met him, so I've never met her.

[Jaybee]

My MIL is gone now. The things that annoyed me pretty much had to do with the fact that we were very different, and therefore didn't always understand each other's ways. Or at least some of the things that were important to us were different. For example: She valued a pristine house. I valued reading time. Sometimes those conflicted. But she was a good woman who did a lot for people behind the scenes, like changing bandages for her MIL when she had ulcers on her legs. She was a little woman, but quite spunky, and good at killing copperheads with the hoe! She rose above very difficult childhood experiences to raise her children in a stable, loving home. She and FIL were married for over 70 years. Even though she didn't have much education, she encouraged me to keep on with my master's degree when I was considering quitting. Her kids grew up to be very fine people who are well-loved and respected. When they get together, it's a fun time with lots of laughter and care for one another.

[Hen]

I've never heard a mean word from my M-I-L, and I can't say that about very many people. She is a gem. 

She is getting older, and gets flustered... we like to do that quote from Pride & Prejudice when she gets flustered with something not going the way she thinks it should... "I don't see that...why should I see that? why should that be??"  I call her "the Queen mum" for that reason. 

 

 

[Melissa in Australia]

I love that my MIL lives on the other side of the world 

[Ausmumof3]

Tbh DH has more clashes with her than I do so I’m lucky I think. She’s mostly respectful and supportive though we’ve had our moments in the past.

[Elizabeth86]

4 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

Tbh DH has more clashes with her than I do so I’m lucky I think. She’s mostly respectful and supportive though we’ve had our moments in the past.

It’s always helpful when you aren’t the only one to get along with mil!

[Hilltopmom]

Edited- too personal. Never mind.

 

Edited February 3, 2023 by Hilltopmom

[Guest]

Oh! I’m with @TexasProud. I just lost my MIL (as I posted here) and I felt like one of the luckiest women alive to have her. It’s not that she was *never* annoying, but the kind touches really offset the annoyances by a lot. 
 

One thing she did that influenced my thoughts about how I would be in future was that she graciously made me my own little personal serving of coleslaw made without mayonnaise. She did not have to do this; she could have assumed that I don’t actually need to have coleslaw at all. She could have said, “I make mine with mayo so if you don’t like mayo, tough tiddley-winks!” But no. She quietly made me a little serving of my own. The graciousness of this influenced me when my own kids started bringing home bf/gfs. 
 

I guess, in the spirit of the thread, I could say this: when I first started homeschooling, she was very skeptical about it and she would quiz dd all the time with activity sheets she copied from her volunteer work at school. This was very annoying for a couple of years but fortunately dd was extremely precocious and she aced the little tests my MIL kept presenting, as well as reading and drawing at a level far advanced of her age. A few years after I started homeschooling, she totally surprised me by confessing that she had come to realize homeschooling is a very good way to ensure the kids learn well and, “I think if I had it to do over, I would homeschool too.” 
 

She was an absolute treasure. I am glad I was able to contribute to caring for her a few months in the past few years. I hope I repaid some of the kindness she paid me. 

[Soror]

6 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said:

Tbh DH has more clashes with her than I do so I’m lucky I think. She’s mostly respectful and supportive though we’ve had our moments in the past.

Ya, same here, dh gets really annoyed with her.

I get along with my MIL in small doses. Dh even less so. 

I'm just sharing the slightly annoying things, not the big ones that really tick me off. 

It just struck me as funny yesterday. I mean really, doesn't everyone love unsolicited advice telling them what they are doing wrong? I've had a whole lot going on and as usual she has no clue.

Laughing at the ridiculousness of it is helpful 🙂

12 hours ago, Terabith said:

I love my MIL.  A lot, really, on her own merit.  She's kooky, but she's very real; she's friendly; she's easy to be with.  She cooks us dinner once a week, and for years did that 2-3 times a week, and she never made me feel badly about it, and she took care of my kids a fair bit when they were little, including homeschooling a couple mornings a week when I worked.  She's a great artist, and she's super sincere.  

You're very lucky to have such a great MIL and so much help.

My fil would take the kids when they were little here and there and do all kinds of fun stuff with them. He didn't do it on any kind of regular basis but it was wonderful when he did. My mil doesn't really like little kids. My FIL was a gem. We all loved him dearly. He was great with the kids. He's the type you'd go to for a listening ear or advice and know he wasn't going to be judgy or tell you what to do.

My parents are pretty good too. They never really helped much with the kids but they do well with treating us like adults and respecting our decisions even though we don't always agree. 

------------------------

[Soror]

I edited the title so no more confusion.  🙂

[Laura Corin]

My MIL was a lovely woman, but she and I were so different,  culturally.  She found my conversational style confronting - I didn't have the turns of phrase that allow Southern US  ladies to disagree politely. I eventually learned a lot from watching how my SIL interacted with MIL.

The phrases of hers that drove me crazy were variations on, 'That's how it is, kids!' when she felt that my husband or I were complaining or disagreeing with her norms.  It felt demeaning, but I don't think she meant it that way.

 

[Soror]

12 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:

My MIL was a lovely woman, but she and I were so different,  culturally.  She found my conversational style confronting - I didn't have the turns of phrase that allow Southern US  ladies to disagree politely. I eventually learned a lot from watching how my SIL interacted with MIL.

The phrases of hers that drove me crazy were variations on, 'That's how it is, kids!' when she felt that my husband or I were complaining or disagreeing with her norms.  It felt demeaning, but I don't think she meant it that way.

 

Oh, I bet the cultural differences really compounded things. I have never found you to be confrontational. Now, some people on here yes, but not you. I'm from the Midwest, so not quite Southern, maybe that is the difference? 

My mil likes to say similar comments - "That's just the way it is." Usually mine says it whenever you have something bad or stressful happen. Perhaps she thinks it is a comfort mostly I think it makes her uncomfortable when people are dealing with hard times and she doesn't want to deal with it. It just comes off as dismissive. 

[TexasProud]

3 hours ago, Quill said:

Oh! I’m with @TexasProud. I just lost my MIL (as I posted here) and I felt like one of the luckiest women alive to have her. It’s not that she was *never* annoying, but the kind touches really offset the annoyances by a lot. 

She was an absolute treasure. I am glad I was able to contribute to caring for her a few months in the past few years. I hope I repaid some of the kindness she paid me. 

Yes, here are a few stories:
When we were still just dating my husband went home and the first words out of her mouth were, "I am so sorry xxx couldn't make it."  She and my father-in-law sent me care packages to college when we were dating and engaged.  

She has never criticized me. Ever. She was happy to watch the grandkids, but never interfered with parenting.  I guess if I had to say something, I would say my in-laws gave us WAY WAY too many presents for the kids when they were small. 

Despite being a career 3rd grade teacher, she never expressed any dismay when we started homeschooling. Nor did get any hint at all of disapproval from any of his family.  They are all teachers or administrators in public school for several generations. 

She will call me just to say hi. She have never ever forgotten my birthday. 

When we were helping to supervise care for her mom, visiting her a ton, coming to stay with us, getting her set up in the memory care unit, she was so grateful.  My FIL was also very ill during those years, and she couldn't leave him.  I would take my phone and have her mom call her and talk to her.  My MIL never made me feel obligated, but was so deeply grateful that someone could be there for her mom since she could not. 

Not sure I have ever heard her raise her voice.  My kids haven't either, though there was one year that my middle son made her pretty mad ( for very good reason) when they were watching him and my daughter while dh, oldest and I were in Ethiopia.  He was a bully during that period of time and she said he wouldn't be allowed back unless he changed his attitude. Thankfully, that summer was the only time he was bad.  I think he was entering puberty and his hormones were all over the place if I remember right. That is honestly the only time I have ever seen her even irritated in the 35 years I have known her now. 

You all might find this annoying, but all of us find it endearing.  If any of her children or grandchildren post anything on Facebook or Instagram...or if one of your friends do that has anything to do with you, she will be the first person to have a positive comment about it.  It is a game with my kids and their friends that are on Facebook to see how long it will be before she comments. Normally under 5 minutes.  Everyone loves my sweet MIL.    She only posts recipes on social media and stuff about her kids or grandkids. She doesn't ever get into any arguments or make awful posts or anything.  Just sweet, uplifting ones. 

She won't because her daughters live 10 minutes away from her, but I would happily take her into my home at any time if needed. She is amazing. 

Edited February 3, 2023 by TexasProud

[Elizabeth86]

23 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Yes, here are a few stories:
When we were still just dating my husband went home and the first words out of her mouth were, "I am so sorry xxx couldn't make it."  She and my father-in-law sent me care packages to college when we were dating and engaged.  

She has never criticized me. Ever. She was happy to watch the grandkids, but never interfered with parenting.  I guess if I had to say something, I would say my in-laws gave us WAY WAY too many presents for the kids when they were small. 

Despite being a career 3rd grade teacher, she never expressed any dismay when we started homeschooling. Nor did get any hint at all of disapproval from any of his family.  They are all teachers or administrators in public school for several generations. 

She will call me just to say hi. She have never ever forgotten my birthday. 

When we were helping to supervise care for her mom, visiting her a ton, coming to stay with us, getting her set up in the memory care unit, she was so grateful.  My FIL was also very ill during those years, and she couldn't leave him.  I would take my phone and have her mom call her and talk to her.  My MIL never made me feel obligated, but was so deeply grateful that someone could be there for her mom since she could not. 

Not sure I have ever heard her raise her voice.  My kids haven't either, though there was one year that my middle son made her pretty mad ( for very good reason) when they were watching him and my daughter while dh, oldest and I were in Ethiopia.  He was a bully during that period of time and she said he wouldn't be allowed back unless he changed his attitude. Thankfully, that summer was the only time he was bad.  I think he was entering puberty and his hormones were all over the place if I remember right. That is honestly the only time I have ever seen her even irritated in the 35 years I have known her now. 

You all might find this annoying, but all of us find it endearing.  If any of her children or grandchildren post anything on Facebook or Instagram...or if one of your friends do that has anything to do with you, she will be the first person to have a positive comment about it.  It is a game with my kids and their friends that are on Facebook to see how long it will be before she comments. Normally under 5 minutes.  Everyone loves my sweet MIL.    She only posts recipes on social media and stuff about her kids or grandkids. She doesn't ever get into any arguments or make awful posts or anything.  Just sweet, uplifting ones. 

She won't because her daughters live 10 minutes away from her, but I would happily take her into my home at any time if needed. She is amazing. 

How blessed you are!

[Guest]

Texas, I’m so happy to hear your stories about your wonderful MIL. 
 

The only time I got heat from my MIL was when I was putting off a medical appointment that she was very concerned about. ( I had bad IBS issues which she witnessed at several family dinners; I dragged my feet about getting an ultrasound exam and she “ordered” me to go do it.) 

My kid, as a toddler, destroyed the wall in her laundry room because it was so fun to peel those peeling strips of paneling off. 🙃 I was beside myself that my kiddo did such damage. She shrugged and painted it. Honestly after raising six kids on a farm (at least a few who had ADHD for sure, though never diagnosed), I’m guessing some peeled paneling was not that big a deal. At least nobody needed an ambulance! 

[skimomma]

I have fun ones!  Dd was the first grandchild so my ILs spent a lot of time visiting when dd was a baby.  They were very helpful and I did enjoy having them but MIL and I do things differently as far as running a household.  I could easily shrug off our differences in cleaning and cooking because any help was better than no help!  But two things:

1.  She could never understand why we had coffee beans instead of pre-ground coffee.  Dh and I are severe coffee snobs.  MIL gets up very early in the morning, WAY before us.  She would make the coffee and put out breakfast foods.  This meant grinding coffee, which is noisy in our small house.  To "solve" this problem, she got into the habit of taking the first opportunity during each visit when we were not around, like outside doing yard work or in the shower, and would find ALL the coffee beans in the house and grind ALL of them.  We tried to explain that pre-grinding ALL of the coffee....sometimes weeks worth....was not "helpful."  She did not understand this.  I think she thought that for some odd reason, we could not buy or afford pre-ground coffee here and she was doing us some big favor.  I could not politely get her to stop so we started hiding most of the beans before they arrived.....leaving out just enough to cover the visit time.  Even this failed!  She searched the pantry until she found them and ground them ALL again.  I had to start hiding them in our closet!  Lol!  Dh and I would just giggle when we could hear her tearing apart the kitchen looking for the hidden beans.

2.  MIL cloth diapered all of her kids.  We also used only cloth diapers.  The old fashion kind....prefolds, pins, and simple covers.  Pretty much exactly the same that she used on ALL of her kids.  When they would visit us or we would visit them, dh and I would jump at the free babysitting to have an evening out as we did not have any sitters.  Every time we would come back, I'd find the baby asleep with the cover on first and the prefold on top!  I tried, multiple times, to explain that the cover needs to go on top.  But nope.  It kept happening.  So, I'd have to wake a sleeping baby and fix it.  I ended up buying all-in-ones just for MIL's use and again, had to HIDE the other diapers because she would root around looking for "what she was used to" even when I set out the all-in-ones.  

 

[Kassia]

@TexasProud Thank you for sharing!  You are very blessed!  ❤️ 

[Terabith]

4 hours ago, Soror said:

You're very lucky to have such a great MIL and so much help.

My fil would take the kids when they were little here and there and do all kinds of fun stuff with them. He didn't do it on any kind of regular basis but it was wonderful when he did. My mil doesn't really like little kids. My FIL was a gem. We all loved him dearly. He was great with the kids. He's the type you'd go to for a listening ear or advice and know he wasn't going to be judgy or tell you what to do.

My parents are pretty good too. They never really helped much with the kids but they do well with treating us like adults and respecting our decisions even though we don't always agree. 

------------------------

Oh, I definitely know how lucky I am. My in-laws are the best!!!

[chiguirre]

My MIL is no longer with us and overall we got along fine. However, she let her freak flag fly to an extent that none of her DILs trusted her with her grandchildren if we weren't there. She may have done this on purpose since she was well and truly burnt out on childcare, but it meant she didn't have a close relationship with any on her grandkids, even the ones who lived in her house for a while.

I'm sure you're wondering about the freak flag flying. Picture a well preserved 70 year old with exquisite but unnatural hair and makeup who shops at Forever 21. She was also very into magick (of the Santeria variety, but just the superficial part, not the attending actual religious gatherings part). Finally, she really liked to party and partook of substances usually favored by the college crowd, not their grandmas.

Basically, my MIL was Walter Mercado if he was a retired housewife. A visual aide:

[theelfqueen]

My MIL is a nurse.

She is constantly talking about everyone's medical whatever "Uncle Sammy had X..."

She has diagnosed my parents with all sorts of maladies they DO NOT HAVE and tells people things about that (She told one of my kids that my dad has emphysema- he is a smoker, he does NOT have emphysema.). Kid called me asking all kinds of questions. 

I don't tell her anything about my health. I don't want her gossiping about it and I don't want her advice. You're a nurse, but you're not MY nurse.

Whenever I have a health issue DH wants me to call her.  Uh heck no. 

[rebcoola]

So fun but also annoying you know how Amazon has the little group of suggested items on everything and you can push a button to buy them altogether?  My MIL loves this she always hits that button. Everyone needs all the accessories all the time.

 

Edited February 4, 2023 by rebcoola

[J-rap]

My MIL was an amazing woman -- so clever and kind and very perceptive of just the right ways to help others or show her compassion.  I miss her.  (She has passed.)   I think I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have when she was healthy and in our lives.  Now, there are so many more conversations I wish I could have with her!  She was also very wise.

Of course -- like all of us -- she had her quirks, but now those are just fun memories.  She could be very particular about how some things should be done.  For example, food items shouldn't be served on the same plate if the colors were the same.  So you should try not to serve mashed potatoes and white chicken on the same plate.  Each food item should be a different color, so that the plate looked prettier! 

 

 

[Faith-manor]

22 hours ago, bolt. said:

I love my MIL to bits, and she is really just a lovey person (no sarcasm at all) but everybody's annoying in their own way, so here are my contributions:

- I just *love* it when she tells me the same news/info/story twice when it's just the two of us; then twice more when my DH is there; once more to make sure that anyone else who enters the room has heard; and then twice more again the next time I see her; then once more the time after that; and 2 or 3 more times at the next large-ish family event that involves people who haven't yet heard.

- She's just so lovely warm and intuitive that I sometimes feel like a cold-hearted relationship-idiot in comparison. Sometimes I look pretty cold-hearted to other people too. That's not awesome.

Clearly, you have met my mother!!!! 😂

[Farrar]

I love my mil as well, and I'm way beyond her annoying me at this point. I don't see her enough. She used to, but it's all kind of fallen away. I just appreciate her good points. But I do still find her baffling in some measures. There's this old Marge Simpson quote that I totally associate with my mil: 

This is my mil to a tee.