What do your homeschooled kids feel like they missed out on and what do they appreciate?

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I've been reading the college kids thread, and parts of it got me thinking.

Those of you with homeschool graduates:

1. What things have your kids grumbled about regarding being homeschooled? 

2. What things have they openly been grateful for that they attribute to homeschooling?

3. Does it seem to change over time?

 

 

[Green Bean]

I have one in Uni right now.

He has zero complaints.

He has often told me how he appreciates that he had time and space to develop as a whole person and figure himself out.

Hasn’t changed yet.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

5 minutes ago, Green Bean said:

I have one in Uni right now.

He has zero complaints.

He has often told me how he appreciates that he had time and space to develop as a whole person and figure himself out.

Hasn’t changed yet.

Yes, same here re the zero complaints.

Mine is 1.5yr into uni, and she is so grateful to have been homeschooled. She regularly mentions things that have benefitted her.

I feel really fortunate, and hope this perspective doesn't change too much with time.

 

[Eos]

Oldest wished he'd had APs, though I arranged them for two youngers.  He also wishes we'd had more money when he was growing up which is partly why he has chosen the path he's on.  Younger three have no complaints (to me, anyway!) Fourth recently complained that our parenting style causes her to procrastinate: we use natural consequences and don't stress over work taking a long time to complete.  She has gotten A's in two LAC classes and a 5 on an AP so I don't worry about whether she can complete timely work but apparently she does.

All have expressed gratitude for the amount of time they've had to explore passions and spend outside.  Third child once took an art class at the local high school and noticed how hard it was for him to suddenly switch out of what he was doing when 80 minutes were up. 

They've also told me how much they like their "community socialization"  - this is that thing that parents of young homeschoolers talk about and mine really get it.  They are friends with or know by name hundreds of people of all ages in our community and are beloved by many.  

Oldest has told me that his ability to be in a management position at the lab where he works draws on skills he developed while homeschooling, specifically leadership and caring for his team. 

 

[Guest]

Caveat: mine all went to schools for high school. However, the 8years before high school was apparently enough to give them Opinions about homeschooling. 
 

Pro: my oldest, having just spent a weekend around her cousins all in upper teens and early 20s, said, “Now I know why Uncle R did not believe that my Senior Week was literally just a trip to the beach with friends. All the cousins are talking about getting hammered, but we were SO innocent.” 

This could possibly be a shock, though, once a kid gets to college and realizes how prevalent drug and alcohol abuse can be. 
 

Con: For my older son, it was a con that he felt he was oblivious to which clothes and gadgets were cool and what it meant to have Shoe Game. In homeschool, he had no idea that was even a thing. For high school he went to a private school and I foolishly thought the presence of a uniform meant nobody focused on that but I was 100% wrong; it just increases the importance of shoes, phones, tablets, gym bags and sports gear. My son admired a guy who seemingly wore a new pair of expensive shoes every day. My son even bought two pairs of shoes off the guy because I said if he wanted LeBrons, he would have to find a way to finance that himself. 
 

That kid also suffered the most for feeling like he had few friends. In the homeschool community, it just so happened that there were not many boys for him to be friends with. He struggled to make friends until college. I don’t know that it had that mu ce to do with homeschooling though because I was very similar in high school and I had almost no true friends. 
 

Pro: For my dd, she met her now-husband through homeschool, and retains a best friend from homeschool whom she met at age six. As a mom, I always absolutely *loved* that I usually knew the families of the kids my kids hung around. And, in general, the parents are likely to have similar values. 
 

Con: All of my kids have recognized that schools have superior resources to homeschool. My current high school Junior took classes this year he never could have done in a homeschool framework. He took a scientific research class he loved and he has become good at graphic design and wants to pursue that at college. 
 

I think the difficult thing is that kids themselves may certainly blame homeschooling for something they don’t like, as my middle kid did about his friend situation. But there is no way to tell how that would be in school and, from my own experience, it could possibly have been *worse*. At least he wasn’t relentlessly bullied for his uncool clothes like I was! It’s impossible to say what was down the road not traveled. 

[HomeAgain]

DS 23yo feels like he had the best of all of it.  He went to high school for his last 3 years, and the one regret was not starting as a freshman so that he was more comfortable branching out to extracurriculars.  He was always a little shy and didn't start joining clubs until his junior year.

Benefits he feels he got:

• Travel.  Lots of travel
• Work tailored to his needs/wants
• Learning how to speak up and assert himself when it came to academics

 

In school, he also got:

• Passionate teachers in certain subjects that also fostered his love of the same.
• A close knit group of friends
• More opportunity for dual enrollment (the school would send back the tuition based on grades: 100% for an A, 75% for a B, 50% for a B-).  It allowed him to take more classes his senior year at the college than we would have been able to afford as homeschoolers.

[Carrie12345]

My 19 and 20yos, who very much disliked homeschooling through the middle school years, decided they were glad they were somewhere around mid-high school.  They still talk about how they “didn’t have friends” in the younger years, and it still confuses me that we seem to have different definitions of friends. 
Mostly they’re just glad they didn’t have to go through public high school with mean/rude/obnoxious kids, other than their siblings. And that they weren’t pressured to do 6+ hours of classes and 3+ hours of homework, plus 90+ minutes of bus rides every day.

My 23yo has expressed regret that he didn’t stick with homeschooling. Instead, he went to ps for 9th and 10th grade and hated most of the classes and most of the people. He got his GED and went to CC instead of 11th grade, but he wasn’t quite  mature enough to manage his own time yet.  BUT, he’s learned a lot about himself over these years, and is starting a new path with that knowledge!

We actually don’t talk about it all that much. We do make jokes when they do something silly like, “Ugh, who taught you how to spell?!?”, lol, but I see influences in their lives. Like no patience for doing things “because that’s what’s done”, which is usually good, but sometimes problematic.

Our homeschool really was/is just about how we do education. My kids’ life experiences have been mostly normal; field trips, being in plays/musicals, participating in academic competitions, taking classes with other teachers, playing sports, going to dances, dating, etc.  I think our location had more to do with differences in experiences than our schooling did. Everyone here needs to arrange activities with their adults to get anywhere other than school itself.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Mine are 23, 21, 20, and 13 and no regrets from anyone so far. In fact, they all express gratitude for the opportunity to learn at home. Oldest dd went away to a very rigorous school and was in the scholarship program and while she did have a little catch up culturally, she felt like she was far more prepared academically than a lot of her peers.   And even in the ways she felt different culturally, she didn’t see those as negatives.
I don’t find as much regret from kids I know who waited until college to be a student full time. Sometimes kids who are thrown into middle or high school have more regrets at the time because their peers all know each other and they are new on top of the fact that ms and hs kids are far more immature than most college students. 

[Melissa in Australia]

My 18 year old is bitter that he didn't go to  4 year old kindergarten . he thinks it would have been so much fun to do heaps of fingerpainting

[Ann.without.an.e]

1 minute ago, Melissa in Australia said:

My 18 year old is bitter that he didn't go to  4 year old kindergarten . he thinks it would have been so much fun to do heaps of fingerpainting

If he were mine, he’d get finger paint for his next b day or Christmas 😂

[TexasProud]

What they didn't like about homeschooling: that they were different. Though honestly, I felt different when I went through public school, so isn't that just a universal experience of young people?

Part of it was my boys really didn't have any friends. Their age group was scarce at our church, especially for my oldest.  His teen years were the lowest time in our church. Very public school with tons of teachers in it. They couldn't believe how academically lazy the kids were. They complained about having to read 30 pages in a week. They hadn't written a research paper until their senior year and even then I think it was 4 pages or something. They would often be totally amazed and the simple facts they didn't know. They didn't understand the fascination with certain types of clothes.

On the flip side, the homeschool group was in the next town. Most went to the same couple of churches. They were all in to purity, literal 7 day creation ( we believe in evolution), sort of a legalistic type of behavior. Well, that wasn't us either. Christian nationalism.  Obama was the anti-Christ. I may not have agreed with all of his positions, but he was such/is such a really good man, honestly trying to do what was best for the country. Such a good husband and father.  Anyway, we didn't fit in there either.

The boys complain about lack of activities, though they completely agree that I signed them up or tried to encourage some, but they didn't want to. I do not think going to public school would have just flipped a switch to being a joiner, but I don't know.

My daughter always had plenty of friends. That was never her problem. She really wishes I had just let her go to public school from the beginning. ( Boys started in ps. She never has been.) She doesn't like being different. She really wishes I had let her go to the public high school and not the private school. Don't know. Maybe she is right. But she also was appalled that her friend that was valedictorian complained about the reading and hadn't written maybe 1/10 of the papers that my daughter had. What her friend saw as an overwhelming amount of work was just a small part of what I required.  Also, she had vision therapy because I figured out at the beginning of 1st grade, well really in K that something was wrong. She couldn't read and the boys had no issues. I think that would have been missed until 3rd grade when she flunked the TAAKS test. Intense therapy to redo her muscles( she couldn't follow a finger without moving her head, started in the middle of words, had issues going left to right with her eyes) now has her loving to read. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had just dumped her in school and expected them to teach her. 

All of them when they went to college have appreciated what we provided, both a stable home and financially as they saw the mess that were some of the home lives of the people they knew in college or how hard they had to work to be there. They felt very, very prepared academically.  They appreciated the independence I instilled in them and laughed at the orientation part about before 80 percent was parent teacher and 20 percent was student. Now it is the other way around. They said, mom, you have always made it 80 percent our effort, at least.  But they all wish they had been more normal, whatever that means.  I mean traveling to serve in other countries makes you view ours differently. It just does. As I mentioned in the other thread, they are 27, 25 and 20 now. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by TexasProud

[mlktwins]

DS1 - rising senior - just this year regrets no being in public school for all the social opportunities it would give him.  I interpret this as more opportunities for a girlfriend!  My boys have a great group of friends this year at year round swim who are public schooled.  He thinks the grass is greener.

Both boys went to a full shadow day at our local high school in 8th grade.  Trying to make a decision whether to homeschool high school or not.  I know it was only one day, but neither was impressed at all.  DS1 told me it would be easier school wise to go to public school, but he would rather stay home.  He knew it was for the whole 4 years when he made that decision.

DS2 has no regrets at all about homeschooling.  He will never say anything negative about it.

For me, I think a regret is that we never really connected with any particular homeschool group.  We tried several when they were younger.  We were either too rigorous, not rigorous enough, not Christian enough, and so on.  Once they got to high school, they had no desire to really connect with other homeschoolers - although they were near the end of 9th grade when the pandemic hit so that may have played a factor.

It's almost over now and there isn't any going back or do over.  

[teachermom2834]

My 3 boys didn’t feel like they missed out on a whole lot specifically because they did things like go to proms and football games at the local schools because they dated girls who went to school. So they did not totally miss out on seeing what those experiences were about. While I know alot of homeschoolers don’t think those are anything to miss out on, I do think my kids would have wondered about the fuss if they had never had the opportunity. I do suspect they missed out on a vague “experience” of being part of those things in having the day to day experience and companionship of a steady friend group. They never had friends that stood in to the degree that a school group they hung out with daily would have. They were not totally devoid of any friends but it was not the same, for sure, and they were grateful to have that when they got to college. 
 

The biggest pro that they identified once they got to college was just being really independent with their time and their ability to just handle things and get things done. They are, all three, very different, but all of them really felt extremely prepared just for life in general as far as handling things, time management, etc. 

They were also very dumb regarding drugs, alcohol, partying, etc. Though they report that in a comical way and how they would diffuse situations and look things up later. They aren’t the type to get pressured into something or agree to get along so that wasn’t really a problem and they don’t complain about it at all. It’s not like they had zero information- but they sure didn’t have all the information. They do not at all regret not partying in high school! 

[Farrar]

Mine both literally just graduated so they don't have much perspective yet.

They have a weird perspective, I think. My dancer feels that homeschooling is "normal" and that he didn't really miss out on anything - he's surrounded by dancers who homeschooled because of dance and the schooled kids he knows either don't dance (so not an option for him) or are overwhelmed, have to make compromises, etc. So to him, this is just how it is. On the other hand, he's the kid who was the most adversarial about homeschooling for me at the end. And who I think missed out on a lot of educational stuff. But... some of that is on me. I have regrets about him right now so I'm working through my own baggage.

My currently collegebound kid thinks homeschooling should be banned - he's for radical public education for all essentially and feels that's a core component of a democracy that people should not be able to opt out of because it prevents the creation of citizens who are educated with misinformation and given unequal access to better educational opportunities. (Please don't turn this into an argument about my kid's views - he understands that this is an ideal and not necessarily realistic... and he's 17. Like, we all had that weird mix of idealistically rigid views at 17. I don't need to hear you all tell me all the things wrong with how he sees it or suggest ways to argue him out of his ideas.) Conversely, he says he himself got the best education possible (or close enough) as a homeschooler, says that I'm a much harder teacher and prepared him really well for the world, and took advantage of the ability to customize his high school education. All his best friends are from homeschooling and he met them all before he turned 7... but he refuses to hang out with new other homeschoolers. He's a mess of contradictions, basically. I think he does feel he missed out on things like prom and debate club and school theater... but whatever. He's also not upset about any of that. I'm curious to see how his thinking evolves as he grows up a little.

Edited June 9, 2022 by Farrar

[teachermom2834]

I feel like I should add to my post above about my boys not feeling like they missed out on a whole bunch that my dd is starting school because I already see that she will feel like she missed out. I cannot replace the things she is interested in participating in. And she is a joiner so she isn’t going to be the kind to say that she thinks prom looks stupid or Friday night football games look boring. She is going to want to see for herself. She is interested in theatre and mock trial and so many things she wants to try.  

I guess I am glad that I am at the point that I have the wisdom to see that she is different and I’m open to it. I just already know that even through she is a positive person she is not going to be content with the opportunities I can provide her as a homeschooler. At least we can give it a try and if it doesn’t work out she can come home. 

[Momto6inIN]

My oldest just graduated college with a combined BS/MS in 4 years. He says never could have finished that quickly without hs'ing and he's right. During high school he was able to teach himself several programming languages and move at his own pace in math and he knows he would never have had time or been able to do all that at our ps. He is very very pro hs'ing to the point where I hope he doesn't put too much pressure on his future wife 😂

2nd DS is also in favor of hs'ing, but maybe not as gung ho about it as the oldest. He very much benefitted from having time to pursue his ec's and develop the leadership experience that landed him a big scholarship and he's aware of that. He is the most social and the most curious, so he does wonder from time to time what it would have been like to be around friends all day long. But he definitely doesn't wish we'd done something different. I have no idea if he'll hs his kids or not - so much of that depends on who he marries.

Oldest DD who just graduated is very pro hs'ing as well. Depending on her future husband's opinions, I would guess she would hs her kids someday. She loves the deeper connections/relationships she was able to form with siblings and in speech/debate and drama and is skeptical of what she sees as shallow "friendships" in most of her ps peers. She watched her ps friends at church deal with "mean girls" as well as watched them sometimes behave as mean girls themselves and wants no part of it. She hates the whole toxic environment just from watching it play out from the periphery, and she is glad she didn't have to go through any of that herself.

DD who is just beginning to start high school has let me know adamantly that she never wants me to put her in ps. I would be very very very surprised if she ever changes her mind. She is very practical and has no tolerance for busy work of any kind and would be very openly disdainful of any teacher who dared to impose on her idea of what is important to spend her time on 🤪

DD who is in 5th would possibly be interested in school at some point because her BFF is in a private school and the thought of spending all day with her is very exciting. But she also likes having her free time. Youngest DD is just 3 so she has no opinions yet lol

It's not that they don't think there are any cons to hs'ing. They are realistic and recognize that we aren't anywhere close to perfect. But the pros for us have been so overwhelming that it really makes the cons insignificant, even to the kids.

Neither of the 2 in college so far had any trouble adjusting to college life and expectations. If anything, most of their first year courses were easier than mine here at home (except the CS and math). They were already used to figuring out their own schedules and scheduling their own time.

They all have missed out a bunch of pop culture stuff because they only watched G rated movies growing up, but that isn't actually related to hs'ing at all so they would have been clueless on that score anyway.

Socially none of them have had issues because we have a very vital social life at church with hs and ps kids alike and because of finding their "tribe" in the hs drama troupe.

I hear many of you saying that the ps provided so many more opportunities for your kids than you could have provided at home, and it's not that I don't believe you, but that has not been our experience. At. All. Even in our extremely rural area, I am able to find hs speech and debate and theater and sports and prom and graduation services. Our local ps doesn't offer speech and debate and our local ps drama is kind of a joke. Whereas our hs drama troupe offered the kids a legit almost professional experience using lights and the soundboard and the mics at an actual professional theater. And as far as academic courses go, I was able to find and provide way more variety of coursework for my kids' interests than they could have taken at the ps. YMMV.

[MEmama]

DS was homeschooled after a ridiculous experience in K and most of grade 1, then went to public high school. I don’t think he’s ever really expressed an opinion one way or the other about homeschooling, it’s just what we did and was his request each year.  We never identified as “homeschoolers”, it was never about anything but academic opportunities for us—there was no ideology behind it or sense that it’s superior in any way to any other educational method. Just a choice like any other with pros and cons in equal amounts. 20/20 being what it is, I wouldn’t have made the same choice today.

Even though he didn’t really have any homeschool peers, he was always active in town and school sports so grew up with the same kids he eventually joined at the high school. If he feels he missed out, he has never said. His university friends come from a diverse range of opportunities and experiences from all over the world— most have lived in several countries and there isn’t much that sounds “traditional” from a middle American perspective, so if his experience having been homeschooled is unique, so are the experiences of his friends.

[EmilyGF]

1 hour ago, Farrar said:

Mine both literally just graduated so they don't have much perspective yet.

They have a weird perspective, I think. My dancer feels that homeschooling is "normal" and that he didn't really miss out on anything - he's surrounded by dancers who homeschooled because of dance and the schooled kids he knows either don't dance (so not an option for him) or are overwhelmed, have to make compromises, etc. So to him, this is just how it is. On the other hand, he's the kid who was the most adversarial about homeschooling for me at the end. And who I think missed out on a lot of educational stuff. But... some of that is on me. I have regrets about him right now so I'm working through my own baggage.

My currently collegebound kid thinks homeschooling should be banned - he's for radical public education for all essentially and feels that's a core component of a democracy that people should not be able to opt out of because it prevents the creation of citizens who are educated with misinformation and given unequal access to better educational opportunities. (Please don't turn this into an argument about my kid's views - he understands that this is an ideal and not necessarily realistic... and he's 17. Like, we all had that weird mix of idealistically rigid views at 17. I don't need to hear you all tell me all the things wrong with how he sees it or suggest ways to argue him out of his ideas.) Conversely, he says he himself got the best education possible (or close enough) as a homeschooler, says that I'm a much harder teacher and prepared him really well for the world, and took advantage of the ability to customize his high school education. All his best friends are from homeschooling and he met them all before he turned 7... but he refuses to hang out with new other homeschoolers. He's a mess of contradictions, basically. I think he does feel he missed out on things like prom and debate club and school theater... but whatever. He's also not upset about any of that. I'm curious to see how his thinking evolves as he grows up a little.

LOL, my younger brother, who was part of Occupy Wall Street and got into Time Magazine when the UC Davis group was pepper-sprayed is now a management consultant... It is interesting how people mature as they grow up. 🙂 

 

[wintermom]

It's a little hard for my dc to address a lot of differences because they didn't really know what they missed when they didn't experience both for extended periods of time. Also, all their friends homeschooled, so there's little reference points to compare with. My dc popped in and out of the public and/or private school system over the years. They never expressed any huge complaints about what they'd missed by homeschooling. A lot of the things PPs mention regarding clothing my dc experienced in other activities (sports, cadets, theatre, music groups, etc.).

Recently, my ds 16 (in full-time high school for the first time this year) mentioned that he now understands why his guitar group class buddies don't have time to practice as much as he used to when homeschooling. There is a lot of homework for him now, and trying to fit in music, sports and theatre creates a much more hectic life than when he homeschooled. 

My dd has been the most vocal about appreciating the opportunity to homeschool all the way through to high school graduation. She had no interest in full-time building school, though she did have the chance to do several high school coop placements working with animals. She also had the time to pursue violin teaching and start her own pet sitting/walking business. All of these things would have been squeezed out time-wise as she'd be busy with all the science and math courses at high school she needed for university prerequisits. 

 

[Heartstrings]

My 20 year old has mentioned that he really struggles with things that he views as “box checking” and he attributes part of that to homeschooling.   He says it really makes him see where things are arbitrary or serve no real purpose and he struggles to comply or confirm.
 I can see that it’s partially a personality thing.  It wasn’t an accident that his homeschooling never felt like box checking and that was because I knew he would buck if it did. He stayed in trouble when he was in public school because of dumb rules.   I don’t think there was much I could have done differently.  

[wintermom]

4 minutes ago, Heartstrings said:

My 20 year old has mentioned that he really struggles with things that he views as “box checking” and he attributes part of that to homeschooling.   He says it really makes him see where things are arbitrary or serve no real purpose and he struggles to comply or confirm.
 I can see that it’s partially a personality thing.  It wasn’t an accident that his homeschooling never felt like box checking and that was because I knew he would buck if it did. He stayed in trouble when he was in public school because of dumb rules.   I don’t think there was much I could have done differently.  

I think this really sums up homeschool, at least for me. It's finding the way to reach each individual child. When I went to Teacher's College, they promoted child-led education, but with a group of 20+ kids and a set curriculum to cover, this in rarely possible. In homeschooling it can be possible. For me, it was a 'dance' of offering educational activities and opportunities and seeing how each of the dc took them and ran with them or ran in the opposite direction. 😅

Edited June 9, 2022 by wintermom

[Farrar]

54 minutes ago, Momto6inIN said:

I hear many of you saying that the ps provided so many more opportunities for your kids than you could have provided at home, and it's not that I don't believe you, but that has not been our experience. At. All. Even in our extremely rural area, I am able to find hs speech and debate and theater and sports and prom and graduation services. Our local ps doesn't offer speech and debate and our local ps drama is kind of a joke. Whereas our hs drama troupe offered the kids a legit almost professional experience using lights and the soundboard and the mics at an actual professional theater. And as far as academic courses go, I was able to find and provide way more variety of coursework for my kids' interests than they could have taken at the ps. YMMV.

We have all those things, but they all have various issues attached - cliqueishness, niche beliefs, particular requirements. And it's just not much fun to go to a prom or a graduation where you don't know anyone or only know a few people. That's nothing like going to a school and being part of a community where these things are held for your community.

My kid did do a lot of local theater. But again, it's different from being in the school doing it.

[KatieJ]

 

I home-schooled all 4 of my kids, altho their journeys were different , and they all ended up graduating from a high-school.

I asked my sons what they thought they missed out on. Both are college grads, married for 12 years and well established in their careers.  They are also homeschooling their kids. 

My 2 sons were home the longest, #1 thru 10th grade at home, #2, thru 8th grade at home. Our oldest daughter was 27 by then, both daughters were married and we were grandparents already.   I had had kids with me 24/7 all that time.  I think I was just tired. No regrets, just what it was.

#1 son responded....he would have had more time to flirt.  Then in all seriousness he said, " I gained more than I lost." He didn't go on further, but I know his path in PS would have been very different.  He was a late reader, probably would have been labeled ADD and meds offered. He did think that PS would have had nothing to offer him, but  a lovely private school would have changed his life trajectory.  LOL.  I told him he was in a private school, and we found tutors that did change his trajectory!

 

#2 son responded much more in depth.  He felt he missed out on friendships, socialization in a classic school setting, riding the school bus.  Yes, we did a great job of getting them involved in support groups, and activities, and we lived in a neighborhood of 20 some kids..but they were all in PS.....and their friendships are still there today.  My boys never stuck with that group, and truthfully, I am glad.  Enough said about them.

 

He also told me that he was shocked when he got to High-school and they just got grades and never had to go back and correct their work.  He thought it was all "too easy".

He loved having the freedom to work at his own pace at home, get it done on his time schedule.

 

Currently, he is homeschooling his 2 sons...for many of the same reasons we did.  And lets add in school shootings...might keep those boys home forever.

Both of my sons at some point thought school lunches would have been fun, but once they got to High-school they mostly took lunch from home.  However, at some point I found out my homemade bread sandwiches were swapped for school pizza.

 

Another interesting fact, both boys met their spouses the 1st week they went to PS. 

 

I didn't run this question past my girls today, but they are also home schooling their kids.  Our oldest has a home school graduate who is currently in college.

 

 

 

[teachermom2834]

2 hours ago, Momto6inIN said:

 

I hear many of you saying that the ps provided so many more opportunities for your kids than you could have provided at home, and it's not that I don't believe you, but that has not been our experience. At. All. Even in our extremely rural area, I am able to find hs speech and debate and theater and sports and prom and graduation services. Our local ps doesn't offer speech and debate and our local ps drama is kind of a joke. Whereas our hs drama troupe offered the kids a legit almost professional experience using lights and the soundboard and the mics at an actual professional theater. And as far as academic courses go, I was able to find and provide way more variety of coursework for my kids' interests than they could have taken at the ps. YMMV.

Oh yeah I am one that said my dd is going to school for those things. We actually do have all those things in our community. I would actually say that there is an amazing homeschool community where I live. There are dedicated adults putting on all kinds of programs for the kids and the kids that participate bond and then enjoy prom and graduation and have a meaningful experience and miss nothing. But it really, where I am, is limited to a very narrow religous/political group. So it just really isn't available to us. I know it does exist and can exist and I have seen it and have belonged to groups other places I have lived. It just isn't available to us right now. I tried to fit in and then I tried to find other misfits and now I'm giving up. But it can be done, for sure. 

[Bambam]

Older one - once she got to college (science major) wished she had more access in HS to good lab equipment. Later figured out that the PS kids didn't have that either. 

Said she wished she had been more aware of drug/drinking scene/knowledge (disclosure, this was discussed, but she ignored it totally because she didn't know anyone who suffered/experienced it/etc - she thought that was some random thing I made up for some reason - just like I made up the part about building good credit - which she later told me she thought I made that up and was surprised to find out it was very useful when a group of them went to rent a house together. For some reason, she seemed to think I made up a lot of stuff that was just bizarre?)

Older and younger one thanked me for teaching them to think critically. So many kids in their classes are/were unable to reason properly. 

I did get younger one involved in Teen Court - which was helpful in seeing/learning that the drug/drinking thing was real and how not to do stupid things. I wish I had got older one involved in that too, but I was not aware of it at the time. 

 

[WildflowerMom]

I haven’t asked mine, but I will when I see him today.    My guess is he’ll say he missed out on group events, social clubs, sports.   He is very extroverted and probably would’ve been in every club available, plus a sport or two, or at least tried out.   He did get to attend homecoming at the high school and did go to football games so I’m thankful for that.    He also did dual enrollment so his last two years were primarily at the technical college where he was able to spread his extrovert wings, so to speak. 
I think he only feels he missed out on the high school experience, not any other time period.    

[Loowit]

When my DD was younger, like tween age, she wanted to go to public school, but I didn't think it was a good idea for a number of reason so we kept her home.  When she was high school age I let her take one class at the local high school for a semester and she never wanted to do that again.  It was not a positive experience.

She doesn't have any regrets about homeschooling at this point.  She is entering her senior year of college in the fall.  She thinks that being homeschooled was an advantage academically for her, and has thanked me many times for homeschooling her.  She has learned to not talk about being homeschooled when she first meets professors, because some of them are negatively biased.  Many of them are surprised to find out that she was homeschooled.

My boys don't talk much about their homeschool experience.  For them it is just how they were raised.  Middle kid just needed a high school diploma to join the military, and a homeschool diploma is accepted the same as a public school one now.  I did have to fill out some extra paperwork because I was his teacher.  But DS has never said anything one way or the other about his education.  He is not big on school, home or otherwise.  He much prefers to be out doing things with his hands.  So I think the freedom of homseschooling was good for him, but I am not sure he, at this point in his life, understands that.  He is a very private person and doesn't talk about himself much at all, and I can't see him complaining to me even if he did think my teaching messed up his life, which I don't think he does.

My youngest, who knows.  He is still in high school at home.  He has talked a lot about doing college classes at the community college, but doesn't want to this coming year.  He is feeling lonely at home by himself.  He has always had a sibling around and was feeling pretty lost when his brother left.  Overall he likes homeschooling and sees the benefits, he says, but he wants to be around other people and have friends to hang out with.  We are looking into some options for him.  I don't know how he will feel looking back as an adult at being homeschooled.

None of my kids feel like they were sheltered from the world.  They saw a lot of life at youth group and through their various activities.  DD was exposed to fashion trends at dance, but never cared much about them.  We have had a few talks about homeschoolers feeling like they were overly sheltered and had culture shock when they got outside their bubble, and none of my kids felt it was a problem for them.  I have seen kids that were raised in bubbles and I didn't want that for my children.

Also, none of my kids cared about missing out on proms or other "rights of passage" things that people are so distraught that they missed being homeschooled.  Neither DH or I went to our proms, nor did we go to high school dances or other things like that.  I get that for some people those things are important, but they just never have been for our family.

[Harriet Vane]

11 hours ago, chocolate-chip chooky said:

I've been reading the college kids thread, and parts of it got me thinking.

Those of you with homeschool graduates:

1. What things have your kids grumbled about regarding being homeschooled? 

2. What things have they openly been grateful for that they attribute to homeschooling?

3. Does it seem to change over time?

 

 

1--Both kids were unhappy that when I had struggles, obviously their schooling struggled as well. The most glaring two examples are when we moved (5 times in 3 years, oy) and when I was hospitalized followed by a long recovery. They had to be more independent in their schooling because there was simply no other way. I still feel awful about how unsupported my daughter was studying for AP exams. (She achieved high scores on all her AP tests, so she managed quite successfully, but I just wish I had been more teacherly. There was just no way, though, in the aftermath of that hospitalization.) Another example are the days that we spent supporting my aunt while she was dying of a brain tumor--neither kid liked doing workbook pages in the hospital waiting room, and I cannot blame them. Naturally they would have liked to do more of the awesome, creative stuff and field trips that characterized the golden seasons.

My son would also say that sports was rough before high school, and in hindsight I could have fixed that had I understood what there was to fix. My son plays soccer, so we signed him up every spring and fall with a community organization. We love that organization (AYSO). However, the organizers placed kids on teams based on neighborhoods and schools. Since our son was homeschooled, they placed him on whatever team needed one more player, so he switched teams every year. We thought everyone was randomly sorted every year and didn't realize that all the other kids were growing up playing with the same bunch from their own neighborhood. We finally figured it out when a coach told us about the system and told us to request that coach's team specifically the next season so that our son could continue getting to know and enjoy the same bunch of guys. If we'd known, we would have insisted on some continuity for ds from the first year on.

2--They are both inquisitive people who know how to learn and who enjoy learning. They are horrified with the waste and the acceptance of mediocrity they see in some educational settings. They loved the field trips. They loved co-op projects (history simulations especially). They loved that we started school each morning in my bed, sipping tea and reading books and doing our Bible study cozily together. They loved having a lot of say in what they studied. (I gave them a ton of input in science especially.) They also loved that I read aloud to them even when they were teenagers--such happy times together.

3--Most definitely. What they want and need changes with every stage. In the younger years presence is everything. In the older years, supporting them to claim their sense of adult independence is everything. The older they get, the more input they crave into shaping what they study and what they focus on.

[BusyMom5]

My older 2 were in public school through 3rd and 5th grades, so they remember how it really was- neither ever wanted to go back.  Oldest just finished her first year of college and I have asked her a lot of questions about how our homeschool stacked up, and what I could do better with the younger ones.  She says that her friends think she was in a private school due to her academics, and that yes, she can pick out some homeschooled kids due to social behavior,  but people are often surprised she was homeschooled bc she doesn't seem awkward in public.  She does wish she had more friends and friend opportunities. .. but we tried hard and there just were not kids like her here!  Not in public school or homeschool.  Most of her college friends were in private schools or high achieving public schools.

Pros:  being able to go to college classes on campus early, at 16.  Having time to do open courseware on any subject she wanted.  Strong family connection, including grandparents and cousins.  Flexibility for job Senior year, she was able to work in a business shes interested in.  

Cons:  social.  Its literally the only con she can come up with.  

She currently says shecwant to either homeschool or send her kids to a private school one day- but who knows!

My others are younger, but so far only one seems to be lacking social connections and its a big focus of mine for the next few years!

[freesia]

1. What things have your kids grumbled about regarding being homeschooled? 

My kids have never really grumbled.  I know they would have loved a more active social life.  As I've shared other places, the social group we had imploded when ds was 15 and it took 2 years to dig out.  We live in an area with very few homeschoolers and very busy, scheduled public schoolers so very few options for friends.  Even the homeschooled kids that are here are busy.  Anyway, I thought oldest was "set" with friends until he wasn't.  Dd was part of the free fall from that.  We reset, went to another state for a co-op, started to get our feet under us and "bam" Covid.  Third is lonely, but he does have more options --except Covid hit in his ninth grade year and only now is he able to build a friend group.  (He has/had friends, just not the social life he'd like.)  Dd  wanted to go to prom, and I was going to make that happen (probably in yet another state lol) but Covid.   So, Covid complicates this issue for me.I would have liked them to have more selection of friends and less busy friends who did more hanging out.  Idk if that would have happened in this area no matter what.

My kids do feel different from "public schoolers."  However, this was kind of inevitable.  We aren't from the area we live in which is different culturally from where either of us grew up.  Three of my kids were born in Canada and moved to the States as children.  The older two are more Canadian that typical American. Dh and I lived overseas in multiple countries (and my parents did too--they met in Vietnam.) I grew up in DC with tons of friends whose parents worked at the State department.  So, there is a definite third culture vibe to our household.  Also, we are Christians (but of the Old Earth and non-Trump supporting variety.) So, we live in a very secular area with few Christians and even among those we have significant differences.  So, it sounds like I'm making excuses, but I'm just not sure my kids have felt like they really fit in no matter how they were schooled.  Three of them make friends easily, one does not have a ton of social confidence.  The one who doesn't always marched to the beat of his own drummer, so who knows how school would have gone? He does have friends, though.

The youngest may have issues with our state not allowing homeschoolers to do sports in school.  She is a very talented soccer player and the opportunities may dry up.  I don't know if this will be an issue for her and we may move anyway, so we will see. 

2. What things have they openly been grateful for that they attribute to homeschooling?

They have found college easy.  They recognize that they know more about history than they people they know.  Actually ds just felt he knew more.  They appreciate the close relationships in our family.  They are glad they avoided the drama of school (although there WAS drama in their friend group, they weren't surrounded by it 24/7 and we could get away from it when we needed to.) They are glad they had time and weren't working all hours. Both my graduates are glad they didn't go to public school.

3. Does it seem to change over time?

It hasn't been much time so there hasn't been any change.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

It's all so interesting. Thank you for your stories 🌼

 

[seemesew]

I do not have graduated kid yet but I was a graduated homeschooler and my biggest regret was imply not doing anything "school" related. My parents were major unschoolers but didn't know that was a term and we didn't even have time set aside to pursue any learning it was always through life. 

All of my friends who parents homeschooled the same way have the exact same regrets, interestingly enough.

[freesia]

5 minutes ago, seemesew said:

I do not have graduated kid yet but I was a graduated homeschooler and my biggest regret was imply not doing anything "school" related. My parents were major unschoolers but didn't know that was a term and we didn't even have time set aside to pursue any learning it was always through life. 

All of my friends who parents homeschooled the same way have the exact same regrets, interestingly enough.

Is that because of not having a common touchstone with others or because you felt you didn’t learn common knowledge. 

[katilac]

9 hours ago, BusyMom5 said:

 and that yes, she can pick out some homeschooled kids due to social behavior,  but people are often surprised she was homeschooled bc she doesn't seem awkward in public.  

I never quite understand it when people say this. There are plenty of awkward kids who go to school. There are plenty of awkward college students and other young adults who went out  to school for 15 years, with daycare before that. 

When she sees an awkward kid or young adult, what in particular makes her think 'homeschooled awkward' vs 'building schooled awkward'? 

[Eos]

Two words: school bus.  My young kids so wanted to ride on the bus that we joked with other homeschooled parents about buying an old one and just driving it around or to our "field trips."

[Eos]

21 hours ago, Farrar said:

he's for radical public education for all essentially and feels that's a core component of a democracy that people should not be able to opt out of because it prevents the creation of citizens who are educated with misinformation and given unequal access to better educational opportunities.

My sister in London had her kids in the (true public not "public/private") schools there complete with uniforms and difficult, life-determining A Levels exams. Not only are her kids highly educated but the emphasis away from individuality which seemed so unappealing at the time has become far more desirable to me as I see where extreme individualism has taken this country.  

[chocolate-chip chooky]

33 minutes ago, Eos said:

Two words: school bus.  My young kids so wanted to ride on the bus that we joked with other homeschooled parents about buying an old one and just driving it around or to our "field trips."

I would have liked to have a magic school bus. You'd have some pretty cool field trips.

[TexasProud]

Also, my boys felt like they completely missed girl stuff and dating. But I will be honest, if they take after their dad, being in public school would not have changed that. My oldest has never dated and girls scare him to death. I am not sure he could talk to them. ( Well, he could in work related stuff, but he hasn't gone into the office since Covid, so it is all online.  I really wish he was going back in the office just to be with people...)

Poor middle. He asked out a girl on his 18th birthday and they were pretty serious, but they went to different schools and were off and on for a couple of years. He still isn't over her if you ask me. (Which the daughter of my best friend, so...) He asked one other girl out in seminary and she said no, she wasn't ready to date and then proceeded to date his roommate the next week. 😠  Right now, what bothers him most is that all of his friends from college and seminary are married and many have children. He will be a groomsman in his 5th wedding this weekend.  He feels like life is passing him by. 

My daughter had a traumatic experience at the end of her 10th grade year. All I will say about it on here. But it has tainted everything. She did go out with a boy from our private school for about a month.  Then her senior year she dated another boy from the public school, again for a month. Both times when it started to get serious, she bailed, which I was fine with. Neither boy was really a good fit for her. I did tell her I wanted her to get counseling at some point before she had a serious relationship. (Which she is in right now for her performance anxiety, though she does want to explore this issue, but not with a Christian counselor, so she has talked about finding one outside of her college.)  She asked a boy out to coffee and they had a nice time, but he wasn't interested. She has had 3 or 4 boys ask HER out, but one was with another girl at the time,  one pretty much just propositioned her to go back and sleep with him. Another one was autistic and she likes him as a friend, but no more than that. Then another one pretty much didn't want to take no for an answer and she had to go to her department chair. ( He graduated.)  About half of her friend group have boyfriends. She says all of the good ones are taken.   

Again, the boys, in particular, feel like this wouldn't have been an issue in public school. They would have had more exposure. I think it is more of a matter of personality. 

[madteaparty]

I haven’t spoken to him about it, but I feel like he missed out on a lot. Too much 

[freesia]

2 hours ago, Eos said:

Two words: school bus.  My young kids so wanted to ride on the bus that we joked with other homeschooled parents about buying an old one and just driving it around or to our "field trips."

This is always so funny to me because I always walked to school. I’ve never had any desire to take a school bus. But it does seem to be a thing for some kids. 

[Guest]

@Farrar I think it’s fascinating that your kiddo has developed the beliefs he currently has on homeschooling. I think it would be interesting to have conversations with my kid on a subject like that. Just to understand how they arrived at that view. 
 

One of my kids has gone very far left; it’s interesting to me to discuss current events from our different frameworks. 

[Farrar]

3 hours ago, Eos said:

My sister in London had her kids in the (true public not "public/private") schools there complete with uniforms and difficult, life-determining A Levels exams. Not only are her kids highly educated but the emphasis away from individuality which seemed so unappealing at the time has become far more desirable to me as I see where extreme individualism has taken this country.  

This is totally part of his reasoning.

15 minutes ago, Quill said:

@Farrar I think it’s fascinating that your kiddo has developed the beliefs he currently has on homeschooling. I think it would be interesting to have conversations with my kid on a subject like that. Just to understand how they arrived at that view. 
 

One of my kids has gone very far left; it’s interesting to me to discuss current events from our different frameworks. 

I'm pretty far left myself, but this kid is full on socialist and totally thinks that my own activist stuff (y'all, I've been ARRESTED) is lame and too moderate. I do like discussing with him though. He's mostly a fun conversation partner now and we go for one of a few little one mile hikes together nearly every day or every other day. Which is just how it's supposed to work, right? They start to get good and then they LEAVE.

[Farrar]

3 hours ago, Eos said:

Two words: school bus.  My young kids so wanted to ride on the bus that we joked with other homeschooled parents about buying an old one and just driving it around or to our "field trips."

We used to park at the outside parking lot for the county fair in the county next door to us (we used to be able to walk to the not-a-state fair and it was really not a proper state fair, but a very hipster, urban, statehood activism event but with cupcake contests, so we always used to attend the county fair 45 minutes away). And the reason we did that the first year is that I was being cheap and saving like $5 on parking. But then! I realized, we got to take the school bus! So we repeated it every year that way. The school bus ride was like the best part sometimes lol.

[Bambam]

4 hours ago, Eos said:

Two words: school bus.  My young kids so wanted to ride on the bus that we joked with other homeschooled parents about buying an old one and just driving it around or to our "field trips."

My kids always wanted to ride one too. So, when we lived in the Houston area, we took the Metro train a couple of times plus various busses (the "cheetah" bus from the offsite parking lot to the airport, the bus to events from far away parking.) That helped, but it wasn't as good as they *knew* the school bus would be. However, I did point out the neighbor kids got picked up at like 7 and not returned until 4:30 pm. 

I also semi-regularly pretended to be a tour bus driver when driving the minivan around. They loved that. 

Edited June 10, 2022 by Bambam

[mommyoffive]

4 hours ago, Eos said:

Two words: school bus.  My young kids so wanted to ride on the bus that we joked with other homeschooled parents about buying an old one and just driving it around or to our "field trips."

That was a thing my kids brought up when they were younger too.  Funny that it is something that other homeschoolers want to do. 

[Lilaclady]

7 hours ago, Eos said:

Two words: school bus.  My young kids so wanted to ride on the bus that we joked with other homeschooled parents about buying an old one and just driving it around or to our "field trips."

This was one of the reasons for my first dd. I solved the problem by enrolling them in school for a week in March and pulling them the next week. It was a pain to enroll them because of all the documentation but they got to experience going on a school bus, eating cafeteria lunch-I even got to eat lunch with them one day- changing classes, doing home room, etcAfter that, they were ok with staying home. 

[Loowit]

I always find the bus thing kind of funny.  It was never something my kids cared about.  They knew that I walked to school as a kid.  I lived across the street from the school (elementary/middle/high school all in one location), so I didn't ride a bus.  DH didn't ride a bus until middle school.  He was several blocks from the elementary school, but close enough that he was expected to walk back in the day.  He mostly walked or rode his bike.  So I am not sure my kids connected school buses with all school children, besides they knew that they would have walked to school, at least in elementary because of where we lived.

They have had some bus experiences, however, with youth group outings, and it didn't make them feel like the missed out on anything.  🤣

The main thing they wanted to do was recess with the other kids on the playground, and who could blame them for that.

[QueenCat]

On 6/9/2022 at 4:05 AM, chocolate-chip chooky said:

I've been reading the college kids thread, and parts of it got me thinking.

Those of you with homeschool graduates:

1. What things have your kids grumbled about regarding being homeschooled? 

2. What things have they openly been grateful for that they attribute to homeschooling?

3. Does it seem to change over time?

 

 

 Mine have both graduated from grad school.....

1) When they were in high school, they thought I was too demanding (they'd been in public school through 6th and 9th grades). Now, they appreciate it, as it helped meet college and work demands.

2) No longer waiting for the rest of the class to "catch up" while they had little to do; no longer being subjected to bullying (oldest); more time to socialize and participate in extracurriculars. 

[seemesew]

21 hours ago, freesia said:

Is that because of not having a common touchstone with others or because you felt you didn’t learn common knowledge. 

I'm not sure what you mean by the bolded part.

We were involved in a lot of things I never felt awkward or that I was inferior because I didn't go to school. I felt like I wasn't educated because there wasn't time set aside for learning other than through our work at home/jobs as we got older. I do think my parents tried a lot to teach us in unconventional ways but I wanted to learn more and wasn't able to because of various reasons.

My friends feel like they missed out on learning and felt embarrassed that they didn't seem to know what others did (same with many of my siblings). That has never bothered me I simply wanted to learn more and wasn't given a chance.

[regentrude]

I pulled mine out of ps in 5th/6th grades, resp. My kids were elated that they no longer had to attend public school and, in DD's words, "could finally learn something". They appreciated having agency over their schedule, having no busywork, and having to spend less time o schoolwork while learning a lot more.

In the early teens, DS grumbled about about having to do schoolwork, but that is normal, and he still had to spend less time on it than if he had attended ps. They have not expressed that they missed anything.

Both kids told me just recently how much they appreciated that we homeschooled them, and especially that we made them work through a rigorous math curriculum, AoPS, because they learned how to wrestle with hard problems. They found it gave them an edge over their classmates in college, not merely because of the coverage, but because of the attitude they had developed towards difficult problems. (It is something I observe with my own college students: they don't get a chance to learn problem solving in highschool.)

 

Edited June 10, 2022 by regentrude