For those of you who’s parents were not involved in college selection questions

[hshibley]

For those of you who’s parents were not involved in your applying to college I’m curious about how that worked. 

Did you tour the colleges you were interested in? If so did you drive yourself? The same question for college interviews.

Did you audition for your college program? If so how did you arrange that on your own?

ROTC scholarship or military academy appointment. How did you manage to cover all the requirements  - varsity sports letters civic service community involvement with out parental support? One of my dd was a 4 year varsity letter runner for xc. She couldn’t have done that without us driving her to summer practices her 1st 2 years and buying running shoes etc before she was old enough to work. She played 2 years varsity soccer and couldn’t have done that without many years of travel soccer. So there was lots of parent involvement there too.

For my kids that needed to audition or interview for competitive scholarship and academic programs it usually involved travel and a potential over night in a hotel. Something they couldn’t do on their own.

 

 

[Clemsondana]

I think that the question conflates 2 different things.  My parents weren't terribly involved in my college application process because, while both of them had 2-year business degrees, neither had gone to a 4 year college.  They didn't have any advice to give and my guidance counselors at school were useless.  I am incredibly blessed to have wound up at a college that was a great fit for me, socially, academically, and scholarship-y, since we had no clue what we were doing.  That being said, my parents were completely supportive and would do anything that I needed for them to do.  They drove to sports practices/games, band competitions, music lessons, etc. When I received a scholarship with an awards ceremony in NYC, one parent flew with me to receive it.  We didn't know that we were supposed to do college visits, so I sent my 'Yes, I'll be there!' postcard back to my college, sight unseen.  Wee visited over spring break of my senior year, and just did a drive-through-walk-around visit.  

I think that this sort of thing is one of the biggest problems affecting our current system.  My kids will be so much more 'advantaged' in this area, just because my husband and I have both earned degrees and spent a lot of time on campuses so we know more about what to do and what to ask.  For us (he was in a similar situation), having to figure things out on our own was a good experience that made us better students and more independent, resilient people, but in other circumstances could have been overwhelming (for us, we both had lots of scholarship $...if we'd had to work a lot on top of figuring it all out, or had we been on a less friendly campus, it could have been different).  For us, I think that both sets of parents feared giving bad advice, which is why they weren't as involved as in some families.  For things that they knew how to do - helping with activities, chauffering,  helping to type or mail applications, etc - they were more than willing to help.  

[hshibley]

I view them as one in the same, thus my confusion. I’ve been interpreting the no help in applying/selecting to college as in no outside help period from parents period. Thanks for sharing your experiences. 

[Kidlit]

My parents were supportive but did nothing, really, to help me in my college selection. For that matter, neither did my public high school guidance counselor.  My father is a GED-earning, high school dropout, Vietnam veteran.  His mother died when he was twelve and he had eleven siblings.  He did attend trade school after Vietnam, but he worked in manufacturing all of my life and until he retired.  He's just fortunate to have survived as well as he did.  My mother went back to college after being a SAHM for most of my childhood while I was in high school.  In other words, neither had any college experience to speak of.  I was one of the highest stat kids in my graduating high school class (though I couldn't compete today in this world of uber test prep), and my guidance counselor never once suggested I apply for a scholarship. . . anywhere, to my recollection.  At the time I would've probably gotten enough money to go 'most anywhere my peers were going (state schools, private church schools), but it wasn't on my radar.  I did go along with a couple of my friends who knew more about it than I did to take the SAT at a school about 75 miles away from my home.  (One friend's dad was a doctor, so he grew up knowing what to do.  He became a doctor, too.)  In the end I ended up with a full ride to our local university, which was the right choice for me.  I graduated from college with little debt (I borrowed about $2000 to buy a computer), even though it took my five years to get my four year degree.  My parents did take me to tour a private, church college mid-way through my undergrad career when I was thinking about changing, but ultimately that came to naught. 

So--little involvement because they really didn't know much about it.  I have one cousin who had gone away to college, but other than that, it just wasn't done in our circle.  The local school was "good enough," and as it has turned out, they were right.  I have few regrets about that.  

[Bambam]

My parents were not involved at all. They had no clues. I signed up for and drove myself to an unfamiliar location (large university campus) to take both the SAT and ACT. I submitted applications and did everything myself.  But this was in the early 80s, and I think that was normal. I did not prep for either ACT or the SAT. I did take the PSAT though. I did not apply for scholarships because I didn't know anything about that. Like I said, my parents didn't know anything about this, and the high school guidance counselors were useless.

[TheReader]

I would not have gone to college if not for other adults stepping in. My mom had no clue, was single & broke, had not been to college herself, and just absolutely had no idea. My dad had been to college, but was living out of state, and not all that involved. 

A friend's mom invited me to go along with them on one college visit; I went, fell in love with the school, somehow or another found out how to apply and all, got my mom to submit all the financials for financial aid, somehow squeaked in under whatever deadlines (we didn't go on this visit until Spring Break-ish of my senior year; I didn't know until about a week or two before classes started if I had financial aid to actually go there...), got accepted, had full financial aid the first year through grants & scholarships, and a different friend from church took me shopping for things I'd need for school (as did my Dad). 

If I'd not had those people step in, I'd have gone to the local comm. college, kept working at my grandma's art gallery, and who knows what. 

DH was the first in his (entire extended) family to go to college, and his parents were supportive, but did not/could not offer guidance. He simply followed me to my school (he was a grade behind me); I don't think he even considered anything else. 

Past the first year, I always filled out the needed forms for FAFSA and what have you on my own, just getting whatever info from my mom. Or giving her the forms and making her fill them out, and I'd turn them in. This was of course back when things were done on paper and mailed in, so I could pick the forms up at school, bring them home, have her do it, then mail it off. We went to a very small school so it was easy to navigate and everyone was helpful & friendly. 

[mmasc]

My generation was the first to attend university in my family, so my mom and dad didn’t know much about helping. Also, from my area, the vast majority of my class attended either the two major state universities, or the other state universities (like NE, NW, SE, etc) You picked one and applied. Assuming your gpa and act were decent, you got accepted. I picked the one in my hometown, a lot of my friends picked one about an hour away. I only had one friend attend an out of state, private college. It just wasn’t common. I filled out all of my paperwork...financial aid, application, etc.  My parents provided me with a car, a home, and support. It was all I needed and I’m thankful for it.  

Edited February 22, 2019 by mmasc

[mmasc]

Ok, so once the giant emoji is there, you can’t even edit it out?!! Ugh! 

Edited February 22, 2019 by mmasc

[Sherry in OH]

My parents wanted my siblings and me to go to college, but neither of them had any formal post-secondary education. My guidance councilor (singlular) was more accustomed to helping arrange ASVAB testing and military recruitment interviews than helping first generation college applicants.   

I visited three colleges, two of them were schools cousins attended.  My mother and aunt drove, my cousins gave me tours.  The third was a recruitment event, my mother drove.  

PSATs were at my high school during school hours.  No special transportation was required.  SATs were at a high school in a neighboring school district.  A cousin who was also taking the test that day provided transportation.  

My parents did not want me to go out of state or to a large city.  Otherwise, I could apply to any school I wanted, but I had to pay the application fees.  With no other guidance, I applied to a state school first because the form was the simpliest and the application fee was low. I had intended to apply to more colleges but was granted admission before I earned enough money cover the application fees.   The school wanted a deposit to hold my place.  My high school guidance councilor's advice was to pay the deposit, then apply to other schools.  "It is only $50."  Well, to me $50 was a lot of money.  It was pay the deposit or send another application.  I decided to go to the state school.  (In hindsight, I should have applied to the private colleges first. My SAT scores were sufficient for guaranteed admission to state schools.  But, the only people I could turn to for advice were aunts and uncles whose own children were first generation college students at state schools.)

My parents provided information for FAFSA and co-signed so I could get student loans.  A Pell Grant covered my tuition, loans covered fees and room and board.  Summer jobs and occasional gifts of cash from my parents covered books and spending money.  My parents provided transportation and care packages.  

 

[Sneezyone]

1 hour ago, hshibley said:

For those of you who’s parents were not involved in your applying to college I’m curious about how that worked. 

Did you tour the colleges you were interested in? If so did you drive yourself? The same question for college interviews.

Did you audition for your college program? If so how did you arrange that on your own?

ROTC scholarship or military academy appointment. How did you manage to cover all the requirements  - varsity sports letters civic service community involvement with out parental support? One of my dd was a 4 year varsity letter runner for xc. She couldn’t have done that without us driving her to summer practices her 1st 2 years and buying running shoes etc before she was old enough to work. She played 2 years varsity soccer and couldn’t have done that without many years of travel soccer. So there was lots of parent involvement there too.

For my kids that needed to audition or interview for competitive scholarship and academic programs it usually involved travel and a potential over night in a hotel. Something they couldn’t do on their own.

 

I had been to a few colleges as part of school activities but I didn't tour any of the colleges I applied to prior to applying. I ended up visiting one because I only had to pay for airfare one state over but the school wasn't a good fit for me. I went to the school I ultimately attended for the first time on move-in weekend. Is there a family nearby those schools that your child could stay with for a weekend?

 

[hshibley]

20 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

 

I had been to a few colleges as part of school activities but I didn't tour any of the colleges I applied to prior to applying. I ended up visiting one because I only had to pay for airfare one state over but the school wasn't a good fit for me. I went to the school I ultimately attended for the first time on move-in weekend. Is there a family nearby those schools that your child could stay with for a weekend?

 

I stayed at hotels while my kids interviewed auditioned etc and obviously being under 18 that’s not something they could do on their own (you can’t get a hotel under 18 w/o a chaperone). I was curious how others managed to do so. 

[MEmama]

Mine weren't involved. I don't even remember them taking me on a tour. It was expected I would go--and that they would pay--but outside of that I was on my own. I had no help preparing, and as such it's no surprise it didn't work out well. 

[Granny_Weatherwax]

2 hours ago, hshibley said:

For those of you who’s parents were not involved in your applying to college I’m curious about how that worked. 

Did you tour the colleges you were interested in? If so did you drive yourself? The same question for college interviews.

No, I did not tour anything. There was no money to travel to the schools I wanted to attend. I had two college interviews with recent graduates who lived locally and (I assume) sent the information to the admissions office. 

I had no parental support. I was a first gen college student from a family whose men entered the military at the time when reaching the right age (16 or 18) was acceptable. Many did not have high school diplomas.  When I decided to attend college, I had to learn how to do taxes since my FOO had not submitted taxes for many years. I needed those forms for need based financial aid. I did their taxes and begged, cried, and cajoled them to sign and file them for me. The only reason they agreed was because they received small refunds (I think they hadn't filed taxes out of fear of having to pay). I asked for and received application fee waivers from the three schools to which I applied. My Honors English teacher at school helped pay for postage.

The first time I saw my campus was on freshmen move in day. I had shipped my things via UPS (paid for by babysitting money) and bought a plane ticket into Boston and a bus ticket from there to Western MA. It wasn't the most direct route but I had never traveled before and had no family support and did what I could with the resources I had available. Getting to college was a fiasco (I made every choice a young girl isn't supposed to make) and I made the conscious decision to make certain I traveled with my children when they left for college.

Did you audition for your college program? If so how did you arrange that on your own?

I did not. No auditions were necessary.

ROTC scholarship or military academy appointment. How did you manage to cover all the requirements  - varsity sports letters civic service community involvement with out parental support? One of my dd was a 4 year varsity letter runner for xc. She couldn’t have done that without us driving her to summer practices her 1st 2 years and buying running shoes etc before she was old enough to work. She played 2 years varsity soccer and couldn’t have done that without many years of travel soccer. So there was lots of parent involvement there too.

Back in the day (late 80's), at my high school (low income area) playing varsity sports didn't require having to be on travel teams, practicing in the off season, or having expensive equipment. For my sport, just showing up and having a desire to play put me on the varsity team. I had a .50 thrift store racquet and shoes from Kmart. I would 'borrow' old tennis balls and hit against the wall whenever I had the chance. I walked to the tennis courts at all hours of the day to be able to hit. I don't think my parents ever attended a high school tennis match. If they did, I can't remember when. I do remember my first real tennis racquet.  I had an anxiety attack when I bought it because it was so expensive - a Pro Kennex Silver Ace 90; it was used and cost $50. I used my babysitting money to pay for it.

I applied to the AFA. I did it with the help of teachers and the counseling staff. I do think my mom took me to the physical. I had to beg a ride from another student to get to my congressional interview. I borrowed an outfit so I would look appropriate. I desperately wanted to attend the Academy but it wasn't to be. I withdrew my application mere days before notification. I did find out (since it was so close) that I would have been offered an appointment. It is one of my biggest life regrets. 

For my kids that needed to audition or interview for competitive scholarship and academic programs it usually involved travel and a potential over night in a hotel. Something they couldn’t do on their own.

I didn't know about any competitive scholarship programs so this wasn't an issue. I had a lot of naivite and ignorance about higher education and how to go about the process.

 

 

[Granny_Weatherwax]

2 hours ago, hopeistheword said:

My parents were supportive but did nothing, really, to help me in my college selection. For that matter, neither did my public high school guidance counselor.  My father is a GED-earning, high school dropout, Vietnam veteran.  His mother died when he was twelve and he had eleven siblings.  He did attend trade school after Vietnam, but he worked in manufacturing all of my life and until he retired.  He's just fortunate to have survived as well as he did. <snip>

This was my dad, too, except he became a long-haul trucker after retiring from the army. 

[Granny_Weatherwax]

36 minutes ago, hshibley said:

I stayed at hotels while my kids interviewed auditioned etc and obviously being under 18 that’s not something they could do on their own (you can’t get a hotel under 18 w/o a chaperone). I was curious how others managed to do so. 

I stayed in a hotel when I was 17. This was in the late 80's and no one asked about my age. All the manager wanted was the cash.

 

[Farrar]

I chose my options out of a Sassy magazine article.

My mother did not help with my applications, pay the fees, or anything. She did, at the tail end of the process, push for me to put her alma mater down as my safety school, so I did that, literally at the last minute. I did visit and interview at three schools and I arranged the visits myself. I was taking a trip cross country on Amtrak with a friend so I arranged to visit a west coast school I was interested in while we were out there. I drove myself six hours away to visit another school and stay at a prospectives weekend. I had permission, but my mother wasn't involved beyond telling me I could. And I bought a plane ticket for myself for the first time with money I got from my dad in order to go visit the school I eventually attended and have an interview - Mount Holyoke. I stayed on campus with a student host. 

My parents did fill out all the financial paperwork. However, no one ever discussed the money, which is totally insane to me now. I guess it's because we had none. We were so, so broke. My dad was out of a job, my mom had just finished grad school herself and was still utterly harried and overwhelmed. They were divorced and living in different states. I think I just was blithely like, this will be made to work out somehow - perhaps because my mother had just gotten through Duke grad school on sheer determination with no money. The entire time I was in school, I was removed from the rolls of my classes, had to go beg to be let in, every single semester. Because my dad paid late every semester. But somehow it all happened. I graduated early. My dad got a cush job right after, and he paid back my loans for me.

[marbel]

I graduated from high school in 1974. I was the youngest of 3; my brother went into the military after high school; my sister when to community college, got an associate's degree in something, and wen to work.  I was encouraged by my high school counselor to consider college; it wasn't on my radar and not my parents' either - they were both children of immigrants; higher education was not in their sight. My dad graduated from high school by attending night classes while he worked all day.  Oh, my parents were near 40 when I was born; I think they graduated from high school in 1934/5 or something near there.  

Anyway, I was neither encouraged nor discouraged, but there were no college visits or anything like that. I went to the local state university while living at home.  My parents' involvement was filling out FAFSA or whatever the equivalent was then; IIRC we didn't qualify for any aid but also IIRC tuition was $200 a semester or something like that, whatever it was, it was doable.  I took the SAT at school; there was no prep for it that I recall.  I think the first time I set foot on the college campus was the day I went to register; I drove myself there. 

Anyway, my dad did insist I major in business, which I had no desire or aptitude for. I dropped out after completing my GE requirements and ran out of classes I enjoyed.  Later I went back to school as a working adult and got my BA in English when I was 34. 

I wouldn't leave my kids to figure that stuff out on their own, but things are very different now, and my husband and I are very different from my parents. His folks went to college away from home and so did he; his experience was much different than mine though I am pretty sure his high school guidance counselors had more of a role than his parents.  

[Pen]

On East coast, I arranged my own visits of colleges, and went alone to colleges, using trains and other public type transportation.  I didn’t do a lot of them.  That was mostly fine, and mostly fun.  And I managed okay even though I was 16 yo.  

On West coast my mom drove me to to take a look at 2 or 3.  

I wish my parents had known more about colleges and had some wise input at least in helping me to understand what might be a good fit, finances etc.  

But I muckled through.

[Acorn]

I only applied to one school. I had been in the region with my parents on a vacation a few years earlier.  They did encourage me to attend a summer camp at the university, and paid my airfare. I never had official campus tour and no interviews. I stayed in a dorm for that summer camp so I felt comfortable attending.  I don’t think my parents actually thought I would continue through graduation. There was some pressure to not go back sophomore year since I had a good summer job that could have continued part time if I transferred to a local  univ. 

I went to grad school site unseen. I had a few phone interviews with different grad programs. I thought I knew where I wanted to go based on published research. I made a mistake though. I didn’t like the culture of campus once I got there.My parents were discouraging about my plan to attend grad school. They did drive to that city to have dinner with me soon after I moved there.

[Random]

3 hours ago, hshibley said:

For those of you who’s parents were not involved in your applying to college I’m curious about how that worked. 

Did you tour the colleges you were interested in? If so did you drive yourself? The same question for college interviews.

Did you audition for your college program? If so how did you arrange that on your own?

ROTC scholarship or military academy appointment. How did you manage to cover all the requirements  - varsity sports letters civic service community involvement with out parental support? One of my dd was a 4 year varsity letter runner for xc. She couldn’t have done that without us driving her to summer practices her 1st 2 years and buying running shoes etc before she was old enough to work. She played 2 years varsity soccer and couldn’t have done that without many years of travel soccer. So there was lots of parent involvement there too.

For my kids that needed to audition or interview for competitive scholarship and academic programs it usually involved travel and a potential over night in a hotel. Something they couldn’t do on their own.

 

 

My parents weren't involved in my education at all, except to expect excellent grades and to make it known that my sister and I WOULD get degrees and that we WOULD pay for it ourselves.  My dad dropped out of school before high school and my mom dropped out before finishing her first year of college.  My parents had a crazy-high focus on academics.  I took the hardest classes available at my extremely small (~100 kids total) rural high school.  Chemistry and Physics were offered during alternating years, and if the timing didn't work out, that was too bad for you.  There was not a single AP class offered.  There weren't many of the opportunities that I read about on this board.  No scholarships were really earned by anyone in my graduating class of 34, except tiny local ones of $100 or $300 from the Rotary Club or something. 

I didn't realize that interviews and tours were even a thing until I started reading this board 10 years ago.  I had a high school guidance counselor who encouraged me to apply to university, but I already knew I would because of my parents' influence.  I took the SAT and ACT (I had to drive to another town to do that, but the guidance counselor told all the seniors about the testing days and times) and then I started getting lots of solicitations in the mail.  When it was time for university, I applied to the state universities where I was accepted and one "reach" school that denied me. 

To apply, I just read the list of requirements and completed the steps.  I called people and got reference letters.  I filled out forms and mailed them in.  I just did the things.  I earned a varsity sports letter and academic awards and joined clubs my last year in high school, and the coaches and sponsors did the things I asked them to, so I could complete the application process.  There wasn't a tour or interview or audition required, so that wasn't an issue.  I don't know if my parents would've helped me with that or not.  I had been working since age 12ish, and had saved every penny, so I was able to pay for my first year of school at least.  I had bought myself a car and was going to live on campus. I got a good job soon after starting at university and saved money, paying for everything as I went.  I worked 30-40 hrs/week during school and then probably 80 hrs/week working 2 jobs during summer and breaks.  Full-time tuition was $700/semester and then I had everything else like books, parking, food, etc.

My parents were just too busy to help me.  I wasn't able to participate in a sports or school activity until I was 16, had a driver's license and had bought my own car.  We lived out of town in a rural area, so I couldn't get to and from after school clubs or sports practices.  My dad did go with me to buy my used $500 car.

To answer your general question, I just didn't have the opportunities that I might have, if my parents had been more involved.  Sometimes I really wish I'd had someone who believed in me to show me the way.  However, I'm not sure I would change anything.  Being forced to do it all alone and experiencing the failures I did because of it were beneficial to me, and have helped me develop self-confidence and resiliency.  Missing out on stuff is painful...but it can also be highly motivating.

Maybe times were just simpler 30 years ago? 

[Arcadia]

I did ask my parents to let me self manage my education from when I was in elementary school so they have been supportive with cash whenever I present a budget proposal. We didn’t have a food account in public schools in those days so I was used to paying cash for recess and lunch at the school canteen/cafeteria or lunch at nearby eating places. My parents paid for my education all the way to postgrad and an MBA. 

While my parents generation did not go to a four year college, my cousins did and some older cousins are twenty years older than me. One cousin’s wife was a tenured university lecturer and would have been happy to help with my college applications if I asked her to. 

I attended a residential summer camp (sponsored by my high school) in my top choice public university when in 11th grade and that was a useful experience. 

I didn’t need to travel but my adult cousins were willing to be chaperones if the need had arise. I did think of applying to UK universities but I wasn’t willing to work hard for very good grades, else I have non-working cousins and aunts who would chaperone me there and treat it as a vacation for themselves.  While I did stay at the university hostel, it was less than a 40mins ride off peak hours on public busses to get home. My childhood home was on the outskirts of an urban area and my university is in a suburban area. So it was easy to get to places and markets by public transport. Taxis were also easily available if I needed to go anywhere urgently (e.g. last minute interviews). 

[moonflower]

5 hours ago, hshibley said:

For those of you who’s parents were not involved in your applying to college I’m curious about how that worked. 

Did you tour the colleges you were interested in? If so did you drive yourself? The same question for college interviews.

Did you audition for your college program? If so how did you arrange that on your own?

ROTC scholarship or military academy appointment. How did you manage to cover all the requirements  - varsity sports letters civic service community involvement with out parental support? One of my dd was a 4 year varsity letter runner for xc. She couldn’t have done that without us driving her to summer practices her 1st 2 years and buying running shoes etc before she was old enough to work. She played 2 years varsity soccer and couldn’t have done that without many years of travel soccer. So there was lots of parent involvement there too.

For my kids that needed to audition or interview for competitive scholarship and academic programs it usually involved travel and a potential over night in a hotel. Something they couldn’t do on their own.

 

 

 

Yes, my main choice I toured, I guess you could say.  There was an event for potential NM scholarship students (where they were trying to talk you into putting KU as your #1 NM school).  Free lunch!  My best friend lived with me at the time and was also NM and planning on KU, so we went together and she drove.

There was no audition; I was not good enough in music to play at a major university.

There was a competitive aspect to I think like $2k/yr of the scholarship, which stacked on top of the full ride and was just given to us as a check.  It didn't require interviews, though, just an essay and I don't remember what else, maybe a resume of extra-curriculars and awards or something.  

 

That said, if I had been interested in a school far away that required an overnight stay and travel, and I had judged it worth the money to try for, I would have just gone myself, either with my fiancee (now DH) or best friend or both.  I had a job in the summers and holidays so I had some cash, enough for a plane ticket and a hotel, although it would have wiped me out probably.  DH and best friend were both over 18 before my senior year.  If neither had been available I could maybe have talked my mom or dad into coming with me; I would have done all the planning for it, though, including finding the school and scholarship in the first place.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

Are interviews/auditions all that common?  I have only ever heard of it for something really specialized like Julliard or something.  

For music majors, yes. Having said that, some schools will do regional ones, or accept a recorded audition in lieu of an in-person one. 

Having said that, I’m not sure many kids would get to the point of majoring in music without significant parental support. 

[SKL]

There was absolutely no way my parents were traveling with me to go see a college.

I had no choice.  I had to commute to the only school close enough to commute to.  So no need for visits etc.  I was lucky I had any option.  My folks' involvement in my choice was to confirm that no way was I going anywhere to live on campus. 

I handled my application process by myself.  My folks provided their tax return so I could apply for financial aid.

For my kids, where we live they will have some options, I think.  I would love it if they could take themselves there though.  Just because a person old enough to graduate high school should be old enough to tour a campus without Mommy.  My kids will turn 17 in their senior year, so we'll see how realistic that is.  As far as making the choice of which colleges to seriously consider and which to choose, I assume it would be a back and forth between me and them.  I have the additional 40 years of life experience, and they ... well, it's their life, right?  Oh, and I hold the purse strings, unless they secure a mega scholarship somewhere.

Edited February 22, 2019 by SKL

[SKL]

What's with the big mega smilies? [I deleted it from my post as it was too weird for me.] Is that happening on your screen too, or only mine?

Edited February 22, 2019 by SKL

[City Mouse]

My Parents were agreeable to me going to college but they left it up to me to choose. I don't remember how I did my research, but I did it. With the internet online research is much esasier. I did not do any college visits. 

Iwas accepted into two of the 3 that I applied to, but my parents were not willing to help me pay for the more expensive of the two. I applied for scholarships on my own. My mom must have filled out the required financial paperwork, but I did t apply for any  EdD based scholarships, so I am not sure about that. My parents did fill out any other of my applications. They did answer my verbal questions, but they were of the opinion that if I couldn't or didn't fill out the required paperwork, I was not ready to go to,college ( I agree with this)

Once I was accepted, they paid what they could, and helped me move in to my room. My dad didn't like the driving back and forth to pick me up, and I eventually got to take one of the family cars. 

It was understood that they would only help financially for two years (many siblings all two years apart) but after the two years I stayed at home and commuted, and paid what wasn't covered by my scholarship by working part time during the school,year and full time in the summers.

it all worked out ok for me.

[RootAnn]

4 hours ago, Farrar said:

I chose my options out of a Sassy magazine article.

You're making me flashback. My mom hid my Sassy magazines (that I paid for) and lied about it, saying they didn't come. I confronted her after I found them under her bed-after which I think she threw them straight in the trash. Sigh.

I "toured" colleges by going to academic events at a few different ones within a few hours drive.

I paid for my own testing, applications, and ultimately, college (what my scholarships didn't cover). Drove myself when I could borrow a car. No interviews or tryouts.

I have a brother who went to a military academy without any sports. DH went ROTC with no sports. The first time he saw his college campus was for orientation/enrollment.

Filling out college apps & researching colleges is so much easier now than it was before the internet! 

Edited February 22, 2019 by RootAnn
Typos!

[dirty ethel rackham]

My parents expected me to go to college. They also told me that I could only go to a state university.  My oldest brother was class valedictorian so he had guidance out the wazoo and had full-tuition to a medium-sized private university.  My next 3 older siblings all went to the state university about 2 hours from home.  Tuition was really cheap back then and they were able to self-finance much of their education - work, grants (several siblings in college at the same time), and loans.  When I came along, we knew that there wouldn't be any grants.  

Other than expectation, my parents didn't do much.

My boyfriend in high school went to our state flagship university - that is the only reason I knew about that school vs. the one my older siblings attended.  The academic snob in me decided that I wanted to go there because it had more prestige.  I applied, writing a check from my own checking account for the application fee.  The only reason I knew to have my high school transcripts sent was because I was sent to the dean for talking in study hall (asking a friend for help with my math homework.)  She used that time to talk a little bit about college.  

When I got accepted but didn't get into university housing, my dad took me to the campus to check out the options for private university-certified housing.  And they drove me there and picked me up.   I did apply to a couple of outside scholarships on my own but I don't remember how I found out about them.  Maybe there was a flyer at school and I think I saw one at the public library.  

Since my parents had set the parameters for my college search to be so limited and the finances were very up front (very affordable back then), there really wasn't a need for their help.  

But, these days, even our state universities are so expensive and barely affordable, I was very involved with my kids college search.  Since it is next to impossible to earn enough in a summer to pay even a semester of state tuition, our $$ was on the line, so we guidance was necessary.  Our involvement included laying out the financial picture for the kids, helping them discern what they might be interested in (major-wise, type of school, etc.), research colleges, help set up visits, drive them to visits, help make an application timeline, provide feedback on application essays, paid application fees, and provided a sounding board for all the pieces that went into making a decision.  

My oldest was really shy and passive and would probably still be living at home, working a job far beneath his abilities if we hadn't pushed a bit and insisted he go away to college.  It was the best thing for him.  He would not be a PhD student in an area that he is passionate about if I had just left him to figure it out.  Things haven't worked out for my middle child, but that has nothing to do with college choice and everything to do with serious mental illness.  My youngest would not have seen her potential and would not be at a school she loves if we hadn't helped her through the process.  

[SereneHome]

I understand that my experience is probably very.....limited?  Inexperienced?  I don't know the right word...

My family was in the country for only a few years when I started college.  I went to cc college first.  Cost.  Not knowing what to major in. Lack of good English.  After about a year, I just looked up local universities (I wanted to be able to live at home), picked the smaller one and made sure my cc credits would transfer there.  That was it!

My degree is very plain - accounting.  No one has ever looked for an accountant for Harvard or Yale.  Big 6 firms went to all local universities and cared more about GPA than the name of the school.

I understand how with some professions certain schools are better or better-known or have specific programs.  But I often wonder if that has been completely blown out of proportion.

And no, my parents weren't involved at all!  They simply had no knowledge of what to pick, how to pick it, etc.  The entire system was just as new to them as it was to me.

[katilac]

5 hours ago, The Accidental Coach said:

I stayed in a hotel when I was 17. This was in the late 80's and no one asked about my age. All the manager wanted was the cash.

 

Even now, hotels motels that accept cash will also accept minors, lol. It's just that the places that accept cash these days are not places you would want your high school student to venture near. 

55 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Yeah, it makes sense to me that a music major (or theater) might need to do an audition, and yeah, I would expect that requires some pretty significant support both in general and for specialized schooling situations.  I wouldn't expect someone who is planning to get a Bachelor's in....I dunno...Violin?  Is that a thing?...anyway, I wouldn't expect that sort of student to be going to a typical 4yr state school either.   I might also expect someone majoring in like, fine arts/painting/etc, they would need to probably provide a portfolio.  

 

A lot of typical four-year schools offer various music majors. I know for sure our state flagship does, our local university does, almost all of them do. Even if a student is doing a BA and not a BFA, or isn't majoring in music at all, it is common for schools to offer scholarships for playing in one of the orchestras so auditions are needed for that. Same goes for drama, lots of 'regular' schools offer it and some of them require auditions. 

[Bluegoat]

My parents were not really involved in my choice or application, which was considered normal then.  I chose where to apply mainly by looking at the catalogues in the guidance office at school, and I ordered the ones I was interested in.

I applied to three schools, two in my city, and one elsewhere.  I didn't visit any of them, though I had been on the campus of the two in my city at various times - not really as a tour though.  It wasn't something people seemed to do in general though, I don't remember anyone doing university visits in my fairly upper middle class, academically oriented circle.  I did visit the school I decided to attend in the summer for an overnight orientation, my parents dropped me off.  

I made the decision where to attend myself, and what to major in, but the out of town university was eliminated largely because my parents said they couldn't pay for it, and I didn't have the money. I also went over and registered for classes myself, which we had to do in person in those days.  I think I took the bus, and then pretty much followed the hordes of students walking in the direction of the admin building.

[mom2scouts]

I'm the youngest child, but the first in my family to attend college. My parents had little to no interest or involvement in helping me apply to college. Like many high school students, I got all kinds of mailings from colleges, so I picked a couple nearby schools that had the (less common) major I wanted and applied to them. I never got the chance to tour colleges and didn't even know about scholarship interviews or other things that would require me to visit a campus. I don't even remember having a high school guidance counselor who helped with anything college related. At one point, I was being recruited by a small, private college for sports, but the school didn't have the major I wanted and I didn't follow up with the coach. My parents didn't pay or take out loans for me either. I found the paperwork and filled out the FAFSA, took out loans, and got a job. Commuting to a nearby college wasn't really an option for me since I didn't have a car or much access to a family car so I lived on campus. My parents did drive me to campus to move in and picked me up for visits home. I was able to do extracurricular sports and activities in high school, but I don't even know if those were ever known to the colleges. My parents gave me rides to practice in winter and I rode my bike several miles in summer, but they otherwise were uninvolved.

[Frances]

While my parents were extremely supportive and certainly expected me to go to college, they didn’t really know anything about the process and my high school guidance counselor didn’t know much more. I did all applications on my own, including the financial aid forms. Colleges reps did come visit my high school and my parents took me for a few college visits. No one studied for the ACT back then, and I rode with friends to a nearby college one Saturday morning to take it and then we went rafting that afternoon with some of our old high school friends who were students there.

Although I didn’t actually like the visit to the college I ultimately attended (it might have had something to do with my mom being hospitalized at the time) and my guidance counselor’s response when I told him my choice was something like, “Wow, no one from here has ever gone there. I hear it is really rigorous challenging”, it turned out to be a great choice for me.

[Shoeless]

15 hours ago, hshibley said:

 

For those of you who’s parents were not involved in your applying to college I’m curious about how that worked. 

My parents were only partially interested.  I don't think they really cared what I did as long as I moved out of the house, and preferably far away.  They gave me the information for FAFSA and wrote the checks for the application fees.  My mother, step-mother, and step-father had zero interest in my college acceptance beyond that.  My father was kind of interested, but only superficially.  

Did you tour the colleges you were interested in? If so did you drive yourself? The same question for college interviews.

Did you audition for your college program? If so how did you arrange that on your own?

I applied to 3 colleges; two were local, private schools, and the other was a state school 500 miles away.  I was semi-familiar with one of the local schools because my boyfriend and some of my friends attended that school.  I did not tour the other local school.  The long-distance school was a state school and my father booked plane tickets for us to fly up and visit.  We received a tour and they interviewed me.   I don't think an interview was an application requirement, however.  It was a long time ago, and requirements have changed since then.  I filled out the applications, the FAFSA, sent in letters of recommendation from my teachers, sent in my transcripts and test scores, and wrote some essays.  I arranged all of that.

I was a music student and auditioned for all 3 schools.  The long-distance school had many applicants from my area, so they sent faculty to hear and record auditions.  The other two auditions I got rides with my boyfriend.  I set up all 3 auditions. 

I don't feel like I got anything out of touring the schools.  Knowing where the buildings were on campus didn't really give me any information on whether I'd be happy there, whether I'd get a good education, or whether I'd get mentoring on finding a job.  Maybe if I was applying to a school in a big urban area where I would depend on public transport a tour would have mattered, but these were all "closed campus" type schools where I'd be in a dorm and could walk where I needed to go. 

I received scholarships to all 3 schools.  The scholarships to the local, private schools were enough to make tuition the same as the state school, which gave me a smaller scholarship.  I was accepted to the music program at the private schools but not the far away, state school.  Due to family pressure to move far away, I ended up at the state school because that is where family insisted I go, where I had to take remedial music classes and re-audition after a semester.  I was finally accepted to the program then, but really hated the whole situation and changed majors a few times before dropping out to join the USAF.

I think I would have been happier at a local school, but I also think that I would have been infinitely happier if I had an adult that took an active interest in me and my interests and supported me.  I didn't really want to be a music teacher and wanted to be a paleontologist or archeologist instead, but family pressure dictated otherwise.  When my son is ready to make college decisions, my intention is to help him figure out what HE wants and offer suggestions on how he can find a school that will meet his needs and fit our budget.     

Edited February 23, 2019 by MissLemon

[Shoeless]

7 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

Yeah, it makes sense to me that a music major (or theater) might need to do an audition, and yeah, I would expect that requires some pretty significant support both in general and for specialized schooling situations.  I wouldn't expect someone who is planning to get a Bachelor's in....I dunno...Violin?  Is that a thing?...anyway, I wouldn't expect that sort of student to be going to a typical 4yr state school either.   I might also expect someone majoring in like, fine arts/painting/etc, they would need to probably provide a portfolio.  

 

 

Yes, you can major in Violin.  Or flute or clarinet or Percussion or...   I was a flute major. 

[Shoeless]

GAH, I keep forgetting about the giant smileys!

[frogger]

The parents I actually lived with hadn't went to college and my father never graduated high school and had no idea themselves.

 

I thought that high school counselors were just for troubled kids so I never asked them anything.

 

I never visited a college. I applied to a few and went to the cheapest.

 

I had worked summers but had almost no money and was out on my own at 17. 

I took the ACT and SAT once cold turkey. There wasn't a college in town. The testing was done at my high school.

I did have some AP credits.

I didn't even know college advisors existed. 

And yes I walked into the school and payed in cash. Now days they'd think it was drug money.

I was clueless.

I also didn't finish and ended up in a different state but I did end up making decent pay at my job and have had a great life but I have no degree.

[nixpix5]

My parents didn't help at all. I just figured it out by calling and talking with enrollment counselors. I got in to my state college which handed to be a really good one so it allowed me to continue living in my off campus apartment and commuting. I look back now and think "Man, I was a determined 18 year old" 😂 even after being in my career for decades my mom still doesn't full grasp what I do or what my degrees are in. I was a first generation college graduate in my line though so I don't hold it against them 😉

[73349]

On 2/22/2019 at 8:18 AM, hshibley said:

For those of you whose parents were not involved in your applying to college I’m curious about how that worked. 

Did you tour the colleges you were interested in? If so did you drive yourself? The same question for college interviews.
The college I attended had sent someone from admissions to visit my high school (so I got to ask questions) and I went with a friend to tour campus, driven by her parent. I did not have a car or license. Interviews were optional, and I did not have one.

Did you audition for your college program? If so how did you arrange that on your own?
No auditions for my subject area.

ROTC scholarship or military academy appointment. How did you manage to cover all the requirements  - varsity sports letters civic service community involvement with out parental support? One of my dd was a 4 year varsity letter runner for xc. She couldn’t have done that without us driving her to summer practices her 1st 2 years and buying running shoes etc before she was old enough to work. She played 2 years varsity soccer and couldn’t have done that without many years of travel soccer. So there was lots of parent involvement there too.
Not a military participant. I did not participate in a sport because both special shoes and having a job (instead of providing childcare for siblings) would've been out of the question.

For my kids that needed to audition or interview for competitive scholarship and academic programs it usually involved travel and a potential over night in a hotel. Something they couldn’t do on their own.
My scholarship was based on my high school performance (including competitions for which the school had provided transportation) and admissions essay.

Help from a parent would've made things easier... but then, parents able to help also wouldn't been as likely in a family eligible for so much need-based aid. (The annual tuition, room & board--never mind books, transportation, etc.--was greater than our household income for a family of 6.)

 

 

[AK_Mom4]

I did it all myself. I selected colleges, applied for scholarships with the help of the school councilor and even bought my own airline tickets to get there.  No visits in advance, but the councilor at school let me make a Long Distance call from her office to talk to the Dean of Students to get set up for housing. 

My parents were fairly surprised I could go to college at all and were not involved in any part of it.  They didn’t file taxes (no income) and I was 18 so I didn’t need their signatures for anything.