For those who had to put their kids in PS after HS'ing

[Soror]

JAWM- Commiserate with me?

We were just going to put ds in but with the rest asking to go, set off by ds, and the extreme uncertainty at dh's work we put them all in. The plan before things went south at his work was to let dd1 go next year and keep dd2 and 3 at home until they were older.

I've been just focused on getting things done because I didn't have time to even stop and think but now that things are slowing down I've had more time to process it. Mostly I'm doing fine but the pain hits me hard sometimes. It hurts. I'm ok with ds going because I can see it as the best option for him, at least for the time being, but the younger two especially I just think they are too young. I'm trying to look at all the pros and focus on the fact that most of kids go to PS and do just fine but UGH. I feel like a wimp but this hurts more than when my house burned down and I was 9 months pregnant. I was an attachment parent they've always been with me. I gave it my all and I want(ed) to school all the way through. I loved hs'ing, loved them being here and I miss them already. I feel like Mr. Incredible from the Incredibles, I don't know if I'm strong enough. But I have to be because Moms do what needs to be done even if it feels like an elephant is sitting on your chest. HS is not without challenges but ones that were worthwhile for us. (and if someone tells me oh, I'm lucky I'm not responsible for their education anymore or hs'ing is harder than PS I want to punch them)

*I'm utterly raw if you have nothing nice to say or think in some way telling me to get over it in some form please refrain from posting

And I know there are much bigger problems in the world and I'm exceedingly blessed, it doesn't make it disappear.

A friend is taking over my HS group now and wants my advice and opinion but it is painful to even think about. I've had to unfollow all the hs'ing pages I can't bear it ?

 

Edited August 20, 2018 by soror

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I am an attachment parent from way back, and if I had to put my littlest children in school before I thought it was time, I would come unglued and be an almost irrational, weepy, angry mess...except for when I had to put on the cheerful, brisk attitude for the family's benefit.

I believe the blessings will come. As a mother, you are still you. These children you have nurtured are going out into the world with strength and courage and love, and probably some excitement, as well. Blessings will come. But while we are waiting for the blessings, I'll sit with you and cry, too.

[Rosie_0801]

I'll have a cry with you too. ❤️

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I'll have a cry with you too. ❤️

Me too.

[Just Kate]

I put my kiddos in school when my oldest was in 3rd grade and my youngest was in K. I made the decision due to financial reasons...I had to work and I just couldn’t homeschool both kids while working (I had homeschooled ds K-2nd while I worked). It hurt. It was hard. But...it got better. I got used to things and I honestly see how putting them in school was very good for them. I’m very involved in their school and I’ve made so many wonderful friends there. The kids have some great friends too. 

It has been 6 years since I put them in school and I still sometimes feel nostalgic about homeschooling, but really, I’m okay now. I will pray that it gets better for you too. (((hugs)))

[chiguirre]

When Geezle had to enroll in PS because we just could not work together anymore, it felt like failure. When I sat down with his teachers at his IEP meeting at the end of that year and they told me what an awesome kid he was, how well behaved, what a hard worker, and how much he took care of his friends, it felt like we had accomplished all we had set out to do. I hope you get a similar vindication.

[BusyMom5]

Hugs Friend

[Mimm]

Hugs.

I get it. My oldest is in PS and even though it's been much worse than I anticipated with regard to social influences, I feel it's where she belongs because we would be at war with each other if she were home. But my middle... she's so smart and so ambitious and we gave her the choice and she wanted to go. But I could be doing so much more for her at home.

 

[bethben]

My name is Beth and I am a former homeschool mom.  I put my dd in public school last year due to me just being able to be mom to her and not also teacher.  I am putting my ds who will be in 8th grade this year.  I've ben overwhelmed with caring for my disabled oldest ds and trying to homeschool.  I thought I would be able to homeschool one child, but I really can't. And to add to the mix,  a new charter school opened near us that has the type of education we always wanted to give our children along with small grade size (50 kids per grade up to 12th grade).  I have felt like I should have been stronger - I should have been able to do this.  This has been my job for 13 years and I should have been able to complete it.  But, I have no desire and no drive to do it anymore.  I'm tired and know I wouldn't have been able to put in the amount of effort required to complete his schooling well.  I am also finding a TON of other homeschool moms just like me joining this school. 

[Ellie]

(((((soror)))))

I'm so sorry. :-(

[Soror]

1 hour ago, Tibbie Dunbar said:

I am an attachment parent from way back, and if I had to put my littlest children in school before I thought it was time, I would come unglued and be an almost irrational, weepy, angry mess...except for when I had to put on the cheerful, brisk attitude for the family's benefit.

 

This paragraph, yes, thank you for saying this, it makes me feel a little less crazy.

Thank you all for the virtual hugs and tears of commiseration. 

I cried myself sick(again) in dh's arms and feel better for the time being. I told him I'd rather go on food stamps and a myriad of government aid than this (although we luckily don't need it right now). He asked me if I wanted to pull them out, I told him I think it needs to be their idea, not so much the k'er but the 3rd grader. Then I cried some more. 

I've had this doubt swirling if I made the right choice, if the sacrifice was worth it if I had done enough and merely 2 days of them in school I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. I gave them everything and I'd do it again. 

I did just get hired at VIPKID today, time will tell if I can get my bookings up enough to really bring in some income but it is a job from home I could do and still school them, especially with the oldest of my younger 2 being in 3rd and both being bright with no learning difficulties. 

1 hour ago, bethben said:

My name is Beth and I am a former homeschool mom.  I put my dd in public school last year due to me just being able to be mom to her and not also teacher.  I am putting my ds who will be in 8th grade this year.  I've ben overwhelmed with caring for my disabled oldest ds and trying to homeschool.  I thought I would be able to homeschool one child, but I really can't. And to add to the mix,  a new charter school opened near us that has the type of education we always wanted to give our children along with small grade size (50 kids per grade up to 12th grade).  I have felt like I should have been stronger - I should have been able to do this.  This has been my job for 13 years and I should have been able to complete it.  But, I have no desire and no drive to do it anymore.  I'm tired and know I wouldn't have been able to put in the amount of effort required to complete his schooling well.  I am also finding a TON of other homeschool moms just like me joining this school. 

I'm sorry. You aren't a failure (hugs). I hope everything works out for your family.

[Chris in VA]

I had to let mine go, too. I look back with fond memories, and also with the realization that I did the best I could. Do I wish I had hung in there a bit longer? Yep. There were things that happened in public school that wouldn't have happened if she'd been home longer. BUT--she did well, she's off to college, and she's bright and ready and talented. 

We do the best we can at the time with what we have. THERE IS NO SHAME IN THAT. 

May you find peace as you mourn the loss (and it IS a loss, and should be processed), and find the joy in both the past and the future. Continue to invest in your child. Remember they spend a lot of time at home, and no one is a stronger influence than you are. ❤️ 

[Peaceseeker]

Just take it one year (or one day?) at a time. You made the decisions that were best for your family back then, and you are still making them now.  Who knows what the future holds, and maybe someday you might homeschool again if that is the best decision at that time. This is just a chapter in your story right now, and I hope everything works out in the end.  ((Hugs))

[moonflower]

I am considering putting all of mine in school when we settle somewhere this fall.  I feel the same way about it you do - I remember when oldest DD was in K (before I'd ever considered homeschooling) and I was just so angry that I had spent 5 years raising her and being her main companion and everything and now I had to give her over to someone else, to a system, for 7 hours a day.  I hated it.

But the truth is, I want to keep them home forever and they want to go make friends.  I liked school when I was a kid.  I just keep telling myself, hey, I liked school as a kid.  If I'd been homeschooled I would have missed out on a lot of things that I really valued.

[gardenmom5]

hugs.

life is what happens when you're making other plans.

[Liz CA]

Soror - Sister, you know this may not be for the rest of their school years. You may be in a position to hs next year again. Your dh may land a great job. I can see how raw this feels for you and it is always so disappointing when our well-laid plans don't pan out... hugs. Praying for your dh to find the perfect place to thrive and be appreciated for his skills and for you to feel some peace about this decision.

Edited August 20, 2018 by Liz CA

[Melissa in Australia]

hugs

[Guest]

I’m sorry, sorror. I can completely understand your emotions over this. I keep torturing myself about figuring out where ds will go to high school. Rationally, I know the public high school in our district is perfectly excellent. I know I am lucky in that; it is a “good school.” But I also think of all the cons even while knowing these are small issues and lots of people survive these small issues. With my older two, I had to drive them to and from private school until they could drive themselves - seems like a con, right? But what I loved about that was retaining that purposeful connection with my kids daily. 

It makes me think if ds goes to public high school, he won’t need to interact with me at all. (I’m sure, logically, that is an exageration; that’s just the emotional part for me.) 

[Rachel]

(((((Hugs)))))

[historically accurate]

Hugs to you, soror.

[lavender's green]

I'm right there with you. I'm in mourning. It doesn't help that he somehow forgot how to do subtraction and double digit adding over the summer. Never mind that he's been doing it since before kindy! (bangs head on wall). Or that when he visited the school, the teachers and test lady said he "lacks stamina." I also cleaned out my homeschooling/kid bookshelves yesterday. I hadn't planned to but I needed to move the shelf anyway. I'm not sure if it was too soon, or if it's better to make a clean break of it. Tears were shed. It's been too hot and stormy to get outside much, so everyone's squabbling, and I'm just sad.

ETA: The "I told you so's" from family who were against it from the start, and the superior attitude from friends who are continuing to homeschool despite difficulties, are not helping either.

Edited August 20, 2018 by lavender's green

[PeterPan]

Oh Soror, it's hard because it's fast and because you've loved them and given your all to the task. It's hard to think anyone else will love them and put in as much as you were willing to. I think *some* will in the school at least. And I think if you're there, volunteering, making waves, more will and it can be a good experience! And it might be your youngers come back too at some point, that happens.

My ds is one that some people think should go to school, and we keep it on the table a lot more seriously than we did for my dd. Like it was on the table with dd, but it was more of a toss-up, a choice. With ds I have strong feelings, maybe like yours, that it's too soon, that I have foundational, really good work I'm doing. But last Christmas we had actually called a school and arranged the placement, so I've had to deal with those feelings (because we had actually set it up, though things changed and we backed out).

Now I've had that 8-9 months to deal with those feelings, even though he's still at home, knowing at some point it's totally possible we'd decide it was good to enroll him. That TIME really helped transition it from shock to a game plan. That's why it being fast was so hard. You've been giving them so much time, you probably have neglected some things for yourself (personal care, hobbies, avocations). There are probably some things that contribute to family life that you're behind on and would like to do with the time. I think there's also this question of what it means to embrace putting your dc in school, like what do parents do who maybe still have things they want to communicate (values, religion, etc.) but have snippets of time to do it in. I think they have things they do, meaningful things they make sure they do. So to me, embracing that can be a new, different challenge. Reality is, if I did that I'd also be bored, so I've thought about what charities I would participate in, etc. Wouldn't be the same, but it's something to look into.

I just wouldn't bank on things staying the same. Just because kids go doesn't mean they stay. They may get in there, enjoy the first 6 weeks, and then go whoa what happened to my intellectual life, I have no time to read, the peer socialization is stupid, blah blah, and want to come home! It could happen. And if it DOESN'T happen, it probably means they're thriving well enough that YOU'LL be at peace with it and can embrace new things to do with your mind.

And yeah, if you're on a lot of groups like that, just put them on no notifications or whatever for a now while things sort out. 

I do think crying a few days would be appropriate. It will clear your system and get it all out so you're ready to move to action plan. Was today the first day? It's first day here, but some schools started last Thursday. 

[PeterPan]

8 hours ago, soror said:

I did just get hired at VIPKID today, time will tell if I can get my bookings up enough to really bring in some income but it is a job from home I could do and still school them, especially with the oldest of my younger 2 being in 3rd and both being bright with no learning difficulties. 

I know someone who does this who really likes it!! She's retired, so it's just the right level of commitment for her. That seems like a really good plan. 

Well keep us posted on how it goes!

 

[Soror]

1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

Oh Soror, it's hard because it's fast and because you've loved them and given your all to the task. It's hard to think anyone else will love them and put in as much as you were willing to. I think *some* will in the school at least. And I think if you're there, volunteering, making waves, more will and it can be a good experience! And it might be your youngers come back too at some point, that happens.

My ds is one that some people think should go to school, and we keep it on the table a lot more seriously than we did for my dd. Like it was on the table with dd, but it was more of a toss-up, a choice. With ds I have strong feelings, maybe like yours, that it's too soon, that I have foundational, really good work I'm doing. But last Christmas we had actually called a school and arranged the placement, so I've had to deal with those feelings (because we had actually set it up, though things changed and we backed out).

Now I've had that 8-9 months to deal with those feelings, even though he's still at home, knowing at some point it's totally possible we'd decide it was good to enroll him. That TIME really helped transition it from shock to a game plan. That's why it being fast was so hard. You've been giving them so much time, you probably have neglected some things for yourself (personal care, hobbies, avocations). There are probably some things that contribute to family life that you're behind on and would like to do with the time. I think there's also this question of what it means to embrace putting your dc in school, like what do parents do who maybe still have things they want to communicate (values, religion, etc.) but have snippets of time to do it in. I think they have things they do, meaningful things they make sure they do. So to me, embracing that can be a new, different challenge. Reality is, if I did that I'd also be bored, so I've thought about what charities I would participate in, etc. Wouldn't be the same, but it's something to look into.

I just wouldn't bank on things staying the same. Just because kids go doesn't mean they stay. They may get in there, enjoy the first 6 weeks, and then go whoa what happened to my intellectual life, I have no time to read, the peer socialization is stupid, blah blah, and want to come home! It could happen. And if it DOESN'T happen, it probably means they're thriving well enough that YOU'LL be at peace with it and can embrace new things to do with your mind.

And yeah, if you're on a lot of groups like that, just put them on no notifications or whatever for a now while things sort out. 

I do think crying a few days would be appropriate. It will clear your system and get it all out so you're ready to move to action plan. Was today the first day? It's first day here, but some schools started last Thursday. 

10

10

Yes, my ds told me in November that he wanted to go to school so I had all that time to go through the stages of grief, and I did. And I came out the other side thinking that I did agree with him that it was the best choice at the time considering the options. I'm still worried about him but I don't have great angst. With dd1 she started asking soon after he did but I had always told her I'd let her go next year, so I feel more at ease with that even if I'm not 100% sure it was the best choice. I went into the discussion with dh planning to go ahead and let dd1 go and ended up with all going because he was stressed and I was trying to alleviate some of that. I fought back my own thoughts and feelings on it. Dh thought if the older 2 were going in might as well put them in too and I sided with him against my better judgment. 

Ours started last Thursday, I woke up in the night Thursday and just bawled and bawled. Then Sunday it came again, gah, I hope it doesn't come again tonight.

Dd2 and I did have some convos this am about the pros and cons of ps'ing. From the first day, she's complained about how long the day is. She is my one that didn't want to go at all but then changed her mind and started begging me. 

1 hour ago, lavender's green said:

I'm right there with you. I'm in mourning. It doesn't help that he somehow forgot how to do subtraction and double digit adding over the summer. Never mind that he's been doing it since before kindy! (bangs head on wall). Or that when he visited the school, the teachers and test lady said he "lacks stamina." I also cleaned out my homeschooling/kid bookshelves yesterday. I hadn't planned to but I needed to move the shelf anyway. I'm not sure if it was too soon, or if it's better to make a clean break of it. Tears were shed. It's been too hot and stormy to get outside much, so everyone's squabbling, and I'm just sad.

ETA: The "I told you so's" from family who were against it from the start, and the superior attitude from friends who are continuing to homeschool despite difficulties, are not helping either.

4

4

Aww, hugs to you too! I'm so sorry your friends and family have been jerks that makes it all the worse, I hope you have some people to give you support. I hear you on the education stuff, I can't help but worry how'll they'll do but just think the rest of the kids have been out all summer too (or at least that's what I'm telling myself!).

2 hours ago, Quill said:

I’m sorry, sorror. I can completely understand your emotions over this. I keep torturing myself about figuring out where ds will go to high school. Rationally, I know the public high school in our district is perfectly excellent. I know I am lucky in that; it is a “good school.” But I also think of all the cons even while knowing these are small issues and lots of people survive these small issues. With my older two, I had to drive them to and from private school until they could drive themselves - seems like a con, right? But what I loved about that was retaining that purposeful connection with my kids daily. 

It makes me think if ds goes to public high school, he won’t need to interact with me at all. (I’m sure, logically, that is an exageration; that’s just the emotional part for me.) 

2

2

(hugs) logic only gets you so far in these kinds of situations. Does your ds go to hs next year? Do you have one more year left? I didn't have to decide what school b/c we only have the PS and crazy fundy private-no way in hell- my kids are attending school

Edited August 20, 2018 by soror

[BooksandBoys]

I’ll cry with you. I completely understand the pain of having to do what you aren't ready to do. 

[Guest]

Quote

hugs) logic only gets you so far in these kinds of situations. Does your ds go to hs next year? Do you have one more year left? I didn't have to decide what school b/c we only have the PS and crazy fundy private-no way in hell- my kids are attending school

Yes, he is eigth grade this year and, after being on the fence all year last year, I decided to go ahead and hs him one more year. 

The school my two olders went to was pretty well priced when dd entered; some of the private schools around here are seriously in the private college tuition range and this school was under $10k/year. But, naturally, that is no longer true and it’s just getting too expensive now; it has increased almost 50% in the 7 years since dd first went. They also have lost some key people who were, to me, 80% of the reason I was happy my two other kids were there. Ds also just told me he expects the history teacher will also leave, which literally leaves only one “priceless” teacher for ds13 to maybe have. 

There are also a few cheaper schools, but they totally fit what you said - no-way-in-hell schools. 

[Soror]

So, we're bringing the 2 younger girls home. Dd2 asked to come home, dd3 is pretty ambivalent and I reserve the right to choose for a kid that age. I just feel like they are too young and the day is too long. There were some good things but I don't think it is worthwhile. Ds is enjoying school, dd1 is too, although there are some cons to her, she does miss dear ol' Mom and the freedom of hs'ing. I *think* ds will stay in school, dd1, I'm not 100% certain about right now she wants to stay in but I wouldn't be surprised if that changed. I guess time will tell. I miss them all being here and it makes my heart hurt(and I'd welcome them all home happily if I had the chance) but it feels like the vice around my chest has lightened making the choice to bring the younger two back home. I think it will be ok.

MIL told dd1 that she was so disappointed, she was just bragging how they are all in school now, can't brag about homeschooling you know. Heaven help me if she says anything in earshot of me, I'm just not having it.

On the plus side, this is good practice for not giving a da*n on people's opinions because people keep on giving them to me and everyone, of course, has a different one. We are just doing the best we can and moving on.

 

 

[hippiemamato3]

*hugs* I'm so sorry that your HS journey is ending before you were ready. 

[SamanthaCarter]

Im relieved to hear that the younger two are coming home. You weren’t ready and it was hurting your heart. ❤️

[sassenach]

It’s a reversible decision. Don’t forget that. 

((Hugs))

[PeterPan]

Wow that was fast! It sounds like it's for the best and I'm happy for you. 

[Ausmumof3]

On 8/20/2018 at 11:15 AM, soror said:

JAWM- Commiserate with me?

We were just going to put ds in but with the rest asking to go, set off by ds, and the extreme uncertainty at dh's work we put them all in. The plan before things went south at his work was to let dd1 go next year and keep dd2 and 3 at home until they were older.

I've been just focused on getting things done because I didn't have time to even stop and think but now that things are slowing down I've had more time to process it. Mostly I'm doing fine but the pain hits me hard sometimes. It hurts. I'm ok with ds going because I can see it as the best option for him, at least for the time being, but the younger two especially I just think they are too young. I'm trying to look at all the pros and focus on the fact that most of kids go to PS and do just fine but UGH. I feel like a wimp but this hurts more than when my house burned down and I was 9 months pregnant. I was an attachment parent they've always been with me. I gave it my all and I want(ed) to school all the way through. I loved hs'ing, loved them being here and I miss them already. I feel like Mr. Incredible from the Incredibles, I don't know if I'm strong enough. But I have to be because Moms do what needs to be done even if it feels like an elephant is sitting on your chest. HS is not without challenges but ones that were worthwhile for us. (and if someone tells me oh, I'm lucky I'm not responsible for their education anymore or hs'ing is harder than PS I want to punch them)

*I'm utterly raw if you have nothing nice to say or think in some way telling me to get over it in some form please refrain from posting

And I know there are much bigger problems in the world and I'm exceedingly blessed, it doesn't make it disappear.

A friend is taking over my HS group now and wants my advice and opinion but it is painful to even think about. I've had to unfollow all the hs'ing pages I can't bear it ?

 

Hugs!  I can imagine how devastating that would feel.  

[Soror]

7 hours ago, peacelovehomeschooling said:

I'm glad that you are making decisions that are best for you and your children.  I have been thinking about you.  Why did dd2 ask to come home?   

Well, originally when dd1 asked to go dd2 vehemently did not want to go. I think all eventually all the excitement about it swept her up. She says it is not as fun as she thought and all the things she thought would be bad about school were bad, things like having to ask to go to the bathroom, eating whenever you want, having to dress up and look nice, school work was boring and took forever (3rd grade doesn't take ALL day at home), having to stand in a row. Dd2 is kind of my free spirit, she's a good kid and doesn't give me any grief but I give my kids a lot of freedom and independence.

Oh, and dd3 was bawling last night missing dd1, she wants things to be how they were. That made me cry too, I miss her too, dearly, she was my sidekick. And I wish right now I wouldn't have let her go too but I'm not sure that is not my selfishness with her. Yesterday she was excitedly telling me how they had this test and she thinks she did really good and how awesome the music teacher is and how he wants her to try out for honor choir and she wants to try out for this play. I'm really happy for those things for her. (Funny thing I tried to get her to do some plays at home (we've got lots of community opportunity for drama) but she wasn't interested then- of course I'm thinking we can do that at home!!!)

I don't know why I didn't expect it would all hurt so much. Ds went to summer school this summer and there were some pangs but I was ready to let him go, this was pulling my heart out of my chest, I can't breath painful. Dd1 has always been with me, she's done a few sleepovers here and there but not weeklong camps and such like ds. Dd1 and I are so close and my little ones are my little ones, I was fighting back tears of joy today walking with them like old times sake. I've cried more today than I have since I can't even remember. I don't generally cry, it's been heaving, wracking sobs at times. 

 

Edited August 22, 2018 by soror

[Guest]

Aww, I’m so glad you got two back. 

MIL can go pound sand. 

[RootAnn]

18 hours ago, soror said:

MIL told dd1 that she was so disappointed, she was just bragging how they are all in school now, can't brag about homeschooling you know. Heaven help me if she says anything in earshot of me, I'm just not having it.

Really? My mom does. (I'm not a big fan of my mom, but she does support homeschooling.) My mom brags up one side the building & down another about her homeschooled grandkids. If she wasn't such a PITA about nothing ever being good enough, she'd know a lot more things to brag about. (She'd brag about stuff we'd rather not have spread around - so we just don't tell her. She tells everyone SAT/ACT scores for any relative she knows them for. My kids don't have much in common with many of their cousins & it would be even worse if grandma spreads around who scored what. If DD#1 could get away with not having grandma ever know where she attends college, she would be much happier.) 

[Soror]

5 hours ago, Quill said:

Aww, I’m so glad you got two back. 

MIL can go pound sand. 

Right, ITA! Dd1 told her that we let them come home because they wanted to come home. MIL said that we shouldn't let them make the decision. Now, if we told her pulled them out because we thought it was for the best she would have said they should have a say.

[Soror]

16 hours ago, peacelovehomeschooling said:

I'm just very sorry this has been so hard on all of you.  I guess the good thing is that while your daughter wasn't happy, and asked to come home, nothing bad happened.  She wasn't mistreated or picked on.  You know?   I'm glad you were able to bring the youngest 2 back home. 

Another good thing is that your older 2 are happy and appear to be thriving.  I know it is very hard for you (and I promise I understand that), but they seem to be doing well.  You have prepared them and are allowing them to spread their wings.  They know they can come back home, they know they have your support, and that is truly priceless.  You and dd1 will always be close and will always have a special bond.  It is that closeness and your support that is allowing her to try this new experience.  She will always remember this and be grateful for your support and encouragement. 

I can hear your pain and your sadness and I wish I could give you a hug.  There is no magic to make it better but I do hope you can see these positives and they make you feel a tiny bit better.  Many hugs....

Yes, the older two are doing well and I'm *trying* to focus on the positives. Dd1 has decided to join Honor's Choir and is making tons of friends. She says she is a bit of a teacher's pet (I expected that- she likes to do well and is an all-around good kid). Another plus for her is doing work with other kids she sees that everyone struggles sometimes. She would get on herself if she didn't know something right off the bat and although I tried my best to drive home the fact that this was normal she had no point of comparison, now she gets that. A couple of boys have crushes on her but shes' not interested in that, she's cool with boys just being friends. Ds seems to be doing fine as well, he's made a few friends too, he's not as outgoing as dd but that's ok. 

On the plus side at home, dd2 is really stepping into the big sister role with the other two gone. I also have more time to devote to the both of them and I especially see it really benefiting my relationship with dd2 because she was the middle child (technically dd1 was as well with 4 but she was the oldest girl and we always just spent so much time together). It feels entirely odd to only being lower level school but it does give us more time and freedom because school for k and 3rd don't take all that long.

I always thought I wouldn't be all emotional when my kids left for college, I think I've been lying to myself! I have built great relationships with my kiddos and we have had so many wonderful years together, every day wasn't sunshine and roses but it was awesome. We are now on a new chapter, I don't know how long this chapter will be but we are going to try and enjoy it as well. 

My current goal is just to make it 24 hours without crying 10 hrs to go ?

Edited August 23, 2018 by soror

[Jaybee]

Reading about your dd1 makes me think of my youngest. He started public school last year in 8th grade. All along, I have had mixed feelings, even though I knew that homeschooling was no longer working well for him. This week, his new school had parents' night. It was so good for dh and me to go. It was very confirming that he is in the right place for him; the classes/teachers seem to be a good fit overall, and there are things that they are saying to him that he would not have accepted from us (me, especially). For example, his computer teacher talks to them about how careful you have to be, internet safety, making sure you don't post stupid stuff on social media, even your posture when sitting at the computer. He is at the point where he will accept that from a young adult he thinks is cool, but not from old mom. Overall, it made me feel so much more peace about his being there. He's a different kid from his older sibs, and this just seems right for him. I hope that either you find that kind of peace (it has taken me a year), or that you have more clarity about whether you should bring her home.

[6packofun]

That is a huge change that would rock me off of my foundation for a while!  Seems totally normal to want to cry for a good long time.  Hugs!!

[Terabith]

I have to admit, it was very gratifying when I sent my oldest to school in fourth grade that the teachers were just in awe of her skills and accomplishments.  At parent teacher conferences, the teachers said that usually when kids come from homeschooling, they look for the gaps, but they kept looking and looking and couldn't find any gaps for her, academically or socially.  And other parents who chaperoned a field trip were shocked that she answered all the docent's questions....they were surprised both that she knew the answers and that she was willing to speak up.  It was also pretty easy to send her, because she had been fighting me at home and because she literally danced around giddy singing about how much she loved her school.  And it was a WONDERFUL school.  

[Soror]

3 hours ago, Jaybee said:

Reading about your dd1 makes me think of my youngest. He started public school last year in 8th grade. All along, I have had mixed feelings, even though I knew that homeschooling was no longer working well for him. This week, his new school had parents' night. It was so good for dh and me to go. It was very confirming that he is in the right place for him; the classes/teachers seem to be a good fit overall, and there are things that they are saying to him that he would not have accepted from us (me, especially). For example, his computer teacher talks to them about how careful you have to be, internet safety, making sure you don't post stupid stuff on social media, even your posture when sitting at the computer. He is at the point where he will accept that from a young adult he thinks is cool, but not from old mom. Overall, it made me feel so much more peace about his being there. He's a different kid from his older sibs, and this just seems right for him. I hope that either you find that kind of peace (it has taken me a year), or that you have more clarity about whether you should bring her home.

Thanks for sharing! I hope it doesn't take me a year! For my ds I feel pretty good that it was the right choice (at least for the time being- because things change). I am however holding my breath on grades, he tested fairly well and they placed him in Honor's classes but with his weaknesses I worry. I'm anxiously awaiting seeing his grades. So, that is my only current concern how will he learn and perform in a traditional classroom(and why I thought he would be best at home  b/c it would give him more time to mature). He seems to really be enjoying it, he's consistently rated school as 8+/10. He was a good student at home, yes I needed to work with him, but he was an engaged student and we had great discussions. He loves learning and wants to do well. He's excited about this reading contest they have and is determined to beat the record for most books read in a year, so I'm thrilled with that. He's always been my book lover so I'm happy he is still reading plenty(and the lists is good books- predominantly classics). 

38 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I have to admit, it was very gratifying when I sent my oldest to school in fourth grade that the teachers were just in awe of her skills and accomplishments.  At parent-teacher conferences, the teachers said that usually when kids come from homeschooling, they look for the gaps, but they kept looking and looking and couldn't find any gaps for her, academically or socially.  And other parents who chaperoned a field trip were shocked that she answered all the docent's questions....they were surprised both that she knew the answers and that she was willing to speak up.  It was also pretty easy to send her, because she had been fighting me at home and because she literally danced around giddy singing about how much she loved her school.  And it was a WONDERFUL school.  

 

That is great, I hope I have similar reports! My dd1 is a social butterfly by the second day she was telling me how she invited the super shy girl (who has gone to school her whole life mind you) to sit at their table. Ds is a bit goofy but he is not some loner all by himself unable to make friends. Mine have no problem speaking up either! Looking on the bright side there are perks to not being the teacher and just Mom, although I will still be playing a role in their education (I can't just entirely be free range here).

 

BUT I'm in mourning of the life we had, my time with them, and my plans for the future. I planned to school all the way through to give them the best education I could and for the family time . I already had 9th grade plans started. I can't bear to look at the highschool board and think about older kids hs'ing I'm jealous and it hurts. 

I did make it a whole day without crying ? We'll see if I can make it 2 ?