Mom work life during and after home schooling

[Murphy101]

Is there a group or forum for this? I know it's been discussed many times in various ways before, but it'd be nice to have an ongoing honest discussion some where.

If you know of another group/forum you are finding helpful, id be interested in being clued in.

[retiredHSmom]

I don't think that there is one here, but I would be interested in one too. After eighteen years and homeschooling three kids through high school, I am going to work full time in August.  Our home life is going to change and while I am very excited by my job (and chose to make this transition) I am sure that having others to compare notes with will help.

Tania

[HollyDay]

Me too.  Murphy101, start one up for us??

Tania, I'd love to know how your transition is going.  My youngest graduated high school last June (2017).  She started college in January  2018 (took a semester off).  My oldest just got her AA and will be leaving in Aug to live on campus while pursuing her BS.  I started computer classes last Fall to make me better equipped for a paying job.  But, dh was diagnosed with cancer and I've spent the last year going to appointments and tackling insurance.  He is doing very well now!!!!!  So, it is time for me to get back to my job search. 

 

[fairfarmhand]

I’d be interested! I still have 7 years but I know how quickly it goes!

[Murphy101]

8 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

I’d be interested! I still have 7 years but I know how quickly it goes!

 

I've been hsing for 17 years and have at least 17 more to go, BUT life is fickle and uncertain.  I'm not as confident I'll be able or willing to home school my baby through high school like I was for the four oldest so far. I'm happy with having home schooled to this point. And my older kids are very happy about it.  

I'd like to go back to school, but it seems everything I'd do doesn't pay diddly even if I went back to school. In theory a job is better than no job, but I don't know that's entirely true either.  If I'm going to sacrifice my family and what little income we have, I'd like to do more than just barely keep the lights on, kwim?

And there's no where to ask money questions about this time of life irl. For example, usually people say they will pay off their debts if they get the chance.  For nearly my entire life, I was one of them.  Well screw that.  Debt free doesn't mean crap when it costs you other things worth more. I don't want to pay off debts I had no control over to begin with.  I'd rather set it aside for some sort of investment and a small amount for a vacation for myself.  Bills ain't ever freaking going away. But the chance to have a vacation (for the first time ever) or invest will disappear very quickly and doesn't come often.

I'm curious to know how many are happy with their transition decisions too. And why or why not.

 

[Murphy101]

48 minutes ago, HollyDay said:

Me too.  Murphy101, start one up for us??

Tania, I'd love to know how your transition is going.  My youngest graduated high school last June (2017).  She started college in January  2018 (took a semester off).  My oldest just got her AA and will be leaving in Aug to live on campus while pursuing her BS.  I started computer classes last Fall to make me better equipped for a paying job.  But, dh was diagnosed with cancer and I've spent the last year going to appointments and tackling insurance.  He is doing very well now!!!!!  So, it is time for me to get back to my job search. 

 

 

I just might do that!

[Bambam]

I would be interested in one as well. This upcoming year will be my last - what to do now? So many options. 

[Liz CA]

It's been a while for me and I am not sure this is the kind of info you are looking for. I started working part-time when ds was in junior high home school. He was old enough to work fairly independently with a few guidelines / deadlines and some assistance when needed. My work hours were middle of the day but I was usually home by 5 or 6pm. Due to the nature of the work (equine therapy), ds was able to come over after Community College classes (concurrently with homeschooling) and help out with the tacking and grooming of the horses. This is highly unusual of course and would not be working in my current position. Dh has always been good about making some dinners himself or helping out in other areas.

I think having realistic expectations is a good starting point. Just knowing that it may take a few months to find a new way of working the household, doing things, etc. Distributing chores according to ability and preference may work for those who have a large family. If I had a daughter who loves to cook, I probably would have "given her" the kitchen to prep some meals for us while I was out. Someone to take care of garbage, perhaps even grocery shopping. Much depends on age of kids.

If you need / want to go back to school, I always encourage it. When you figure out what you want to do, you will likely be motivated and often doors do open. Community college is a great place to start if you still getting a BA/BS. It gets more pricey and involved for the MA/MS and beyond.

Many interesting jobs are available at the AS level and certification. Some in the medical field come to mind like respiratory tech, diagnostics, etc.

One more word about compensation: The field I work in is not known for salaries that sweep you off your feet but it is - for me - no doubt where I need to be and highly rewarding in many other ways than money, There is some money of course and that helps enormously. I do have the benefit of my dh's good income so the buck does not stop with me. However, if you know you will be the sole earner, it may change a few things.

[brehon]

I’m not sure my experience is what you have in mind. I’ve always worked FT and have been supporting my family for almost  10 years. Dh retired and began doing the bulk of the homeschooling. I am the one who researches and recommends various curricula, classes, etc. 

I already have a BA plus a license in my field, but have been interested in taking graduate courses for some time. I just can’t justify the cost, though. 

[blessed3x]

4 hours ago, Bambam said:

I would be interested in one as well. This upcoming year will be my last - what to do now? So many options. 

 

I am interested.  ✋  We have three more years but it goes so quickly that this has been on my mind.

 

[Ali in OR]

Also interested in this topic. I'm transitioning to work now. 2017-2018 was my first year not homeschooling. I spent 2017 taking classes to renew my teaching credential and I also got my sub credential. This year I've been subbing but with my disabled dd's school schedule, I ended up subbing mostly as a classified educational assistant which I think any homeschool mom could do. It's just helping kids learn (many have some learning issues). It was low pay but zero stress, no homework, and part-time. Now I've just landed a job at the high school--not quite defined yet, but I know for sure I'm there and I'm excited about it. But lots of transition and change around here.

[G5052]

Yes, it's gone a lot harder than I expected. I always had part-time gigs while homeschooling, but DH and separated last August. I've been scraping by on those part-time gigs this year. I put in some applications in the fall and in earnest in the spring, and still nothing. I'm down to one part-time job.

I've applied for scads of professional-level jobs and am now applying for retail jobs as a stop-gap while I look for something better. And I'm not hitting there either although I have interview Friday for a retail job and go in tomorrow for testing for a mid-level job ($18/hour).

Of course I loved my life at home and homeschooling my kids all the way through, but it's tough to get back into the workplace.

 

[Targhee]

I would also be interested in a group. I figure I have 6 more years *maybe* but more like 1-2 before going back to work. The thought of a resume with the last job and degree listed 16 years ago makes me anxious, and I want to do whatever is needed in the next few years to be ready.

[HollyDay]

Murphy101, your post about not getting paid much and the cost is something I've been thinking about too.  I have a bachelor's degree.  But, I've been a homeschool educator for 17 years.  I don't have "current work experience" (insert snarky smiley face here).  I taught chemistry, physics, pre-calculus, government, etc.  I have a lot to offer, just not recent office experience.  Several people have suggested I get my master's degree.  Perhaps teach.  But, I'm hesitant to start a master's degree at age 56.  I'd be 58 or 59 when I finished it.  Would i get a job that would make the time and financial investment worth it? And now is the time for dc to get their degrees.  There just isn't an endless supply of money.  I'd like to get a part time job that would help pay for their higher education.  I did go to local community college and take adult ed classes in office work and computers.  I still have more classes I want to take (Access and PowerPoint 2), but this summer is nuts.  And that brings up an interesting point.  If I go back to work, who takes over all the things I do?  Things that must be done and right now I'm the only one available to do them

[Laurel-in-CA]

I'm on my last kid and will be 64 when she finishes high school, if she doesn't go to CC early. I should be trying to get my hand back in but nothing appeals. I floated the idea today with dh of being a writing coach and charging for an initial consultation and then per-page for review/coaching. My BK job was in a very high pressure environment, the kind that no longer appeals to me and my skills are more than a bit out of date.....Yet at the same time, child #4 is the LEAST likely to get financial assistance for college, which leaves dh working until he's 70 to pay for bills and juggle retirement savings. I'd like to help out and feel useful.

[Hilltopmom]

I went back to work this year as a special ed teacher, my pre kids job. Demand is great here so there wasn’t an issue about taking a decade plus off.

i did list on my resume all my homeschooling educational related stuff- running co op, offering new homeschoolers support for families with IEPs, teaching, foster parenting (& my related trainings)

I still have little ones at home but plan on this set of kids attending public school. I graduated my oldest homeschooler last weekend.

i intended to teach part time for a few years to ease my way in but the need for teachers was high and I wound up full time by spring.

adjusting to getting dinner made, errands and appointments taken care of has been kind of rough, I admit. Still working on that and glad this is the last week of school. But overall it’s been really good.

best of luck!

[Faith-manor]

Stopping in briefly to say that I am going through this transition as well. Our last one graduated this year, and with three in college at once, the burden can longer be placed exclusively on Dh's shoulders without consequences in terms of stress and worrying.

I had a job lined up with and educational consulting company. I was very happy with the pay and the type of job. But the schedule they insisted on for this fall had me traveling between school districts that were upwards of 3/3.5 hrs apart. They were willing to pay for the travel, but that is not a sustainable situation in Michigan in winter. I would expect to be stranded away from home numerous times with the best outcome being stranded in areas where I could at least get a hotel room. But some of the district's were so rural, that I would be in danger, potentially trying to sleep in my stranded car in a snowstorm. They were not willing to pay for the hotels nor food when unable to get home because choosing not to drive in such conditions is "a judgment call". The other issue is that it would put so much wear and tear on my vehicle, that I would have to buy another before we got the second boy graduated from college. So when I factor in hotels, food, car payment, higher car insurance on a newer car, it suddenly wasn't such great money, and it is NOT what was agreed to when I took the job. They really didn't see a problem with the crazy schedule they set up so we cordially parted ways, and I am left looking for work. My word of caution to all of you is that you really factor in the costs of the job and make sure it is worthwhile. Sometimes working for minimum wage at a local place doing fast food or retail is better than the higher paying job in terms of take home pay.

I am now interviewing for some piano accompanying jobs as well as part time music director positions. These are lower pay so I am going to have to cobble two or more jobs together since many times each one is only ten hours per week. But, I think it will work.

I do think some things at home are going to suffer and especially until Dh adjusts. My mom has had her ankle reconstruction surgery and that went well. She is really mobile now, and seems to be quite energetic. We have so had to help her a lot financially, and she recently announced she was going to do our laundry, walk our dog - very good for her so a win win - and cook evening meals twice per week to help out. I am glad to be able to count on that. I do have an instant and hope to become proficient at healthy, one pot meals that I can make quickly after arriving home, or before leaving for evening performances. Dh is a great cook, but he doesn't plan ahead so I do not expect him to have a handle on that aspect of live without a stay at home spouse.

We are also resigning from 4H. The office doesn't know it yet, but the letter is already drafted and ready to submit.

The worst thing for us is that we chose to live here many years ago without really thinking it through. Had we lived on the east coast or just in states with more robust economies so funding for arts and sciences is robust, I would have no problem going back to work. But sadly jobs in my area of expertise are very few and far between on this side of the state. Additionally, it isn't as though any of our kids will find work here in their degree areas. So all of them are going to end up working a significant distance away from us while we languish here with two elderly grandmothers who cannot afford to move, and insist on aging in place at all cost. I have a very hard time with this at the moment, the not resenting the elders who are stubborn in ways that have significant consequences to us.

The options I have not embraced but is still an option is substitute teaching, tutoring through the district, and paraprofessional. Substitute teaching pays $85 a day 7:30 am to 4 pm. Ridiculously low pay - lower than minimum wage - for skilled labor with a lot of responsibility! Tutoring pays better but can be rather hit and miss so not reliable for regular income. Parapro pays a little better than substituting, but if I can cobble together some music work, I know I will be a lot happier.

I wish all of you the very best as you make the transition, and hope that your job hunting is not too stressful.

[Soror]

I'm interested as well. 

I'd planned to school all of mine all the way through but already ds has went back (his choice), dd1 says she wants to go next year, and dh is looking into going back to school perhaps. Financially things are not good at dh's job however we both would like for me to stay home at least until the youngest is a bit older, we'll see, who knows what the future holds. 

[Murphy101]

The wondering who will do all the things I do if I can’t jugglw them and work is a huge question for me. My dad came to live with us for his hospice care before he died.  He’d have been sol if I’d said no. A son who needed help in another state? No problem. Mom doesn’t work, I will be there day after tomorrow.  Heck, a couple weeks ago a car broke down and was put in the shop. It took several days to pick it up after repair because of scheduling conflicts keeping us elsewhere while the place was open and I don’t even work.

[Murphy101]

10 minutes ago, soror said:

I'm interested as well. 

I'd planned to school all of mine all the way through but already ds has went back (his choice), dd1 says she wants to go next year, and dh is looking into going back to school perhaps. Financially things are not good at dh's job however we both would like for me to stay home at least until the youngest is a bit older, we'll see, who knows what the future holds. 

 

None of mine are even slightly interested in going to public school before they can go to community college via dual enrollment or university after graduation. And my oldest ones get upset at the idea of me not hsing the younger ones. I suppose I should be flattered by that but mostly I just feel inadequate. 

And yes dh needs to go back to school to better his employment too. 

I thought of going back and entering a  sonographer program. But when I looked into odds of getting hired here, basicly the pay is great if you have 5+ years experience and 0 if you don’t. So there went that. I’d love going back to school but can’t juatify the financial and family stress if it isn’t going to pay off.  And by pay off I just mean covers the cost of the education plus significantly lightens our financial burdens. 

[Soror]

24 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

 

None of mine are even slightly interested in going to public school before they can go to community college via dual enrollment or university after graduation. And my oldest ones get upset at the idea of me not hsing the younger ones. I suppose I should be flattered by that but mostly I just feel inadequate. 

And yes dh needs to go back to school to better his employment too. 

I thought of going back and entering a  sonographer program. But when I looked into odds of getting hired here, basicly the pay is great if you have 5+ years experience and 0 if you don’t. So there went that. I’d love going back to school but can’t juatify the financial and family stress if it isn’t going to pay off.  And by pay off I just mean covers the cost of the education plus significantly lightens our financial burdens. 

Mine weren't interested but ds going set off dd1 wanting to go. She wants to go this year but I told her she had to wait until next year, I can't take both of them  going at once and want to avoid the middle school. I think my girls will do fine in school if I have to put them in but as of right now my youngest two want to stay home.

I thought about going back to school myself but nothing that sounds remotely interesting and available locally would really pay off for me. I'd probably look for a local job or some job for the state using my degree because although the pay isn't good the benefits are.

We wouldn't even consider dh going back to school because we can't afford it right now but his job should pay for it (or at least they did). He has just moved into a new position at work, which is a better position but doesn't pay anymore. However, the future of the company does not seem great. He wants a degree for a job opening coming up in the next few years and also because it would put him in a better position if his company closed, all the better if he can get his current work to pay for it!

You just never know where life will lead. I was in this for the long haul but life turned upside down a few years ago and I thought I'd put them in, things settled on that front but then the older two want to go back and dh's job is not as stable as it once was. I feel peace with it now, although I swear I've went through all the stages of grief, I'm trying to focus on the positives and be open to whatever is best. It has been such a comfort to see others here go through these transitions of putting kids and school and going back to work, it seems much less scary (although still utterly terrifying).

[Murphy101]

If we lived somewhere with better schools, that’d probably help. But we don’t. I’d rather home school in a tent than use the public schools here and we can’t afford the catholic school I’d be open to sending them to. 

But as you note, life isn’t really asking my opinion on anything lately so who knows how things will end up.  I’m just trying to be prepared for the next curve ball life throws. Possibly an exercise in futility. 

[Frances]

1 hour ago, Murphy101 said:

If we lived somewhere with better schools, that’d probably help. But we don’t. I’d rather home school in a tent than use the public schools here and we can’t afford the catholic school I’d be open to sending them to. 

But as you note, life isn’t really asking my opinion on anything lately so who knows how things will end up.  I’m just trying to be prepared for the next curve ball life throws. Possibly an exercise in futility. 

Won’t the Catholic school or your church provide financial aid for your children? When my sister was a newly separated single mom and wanted to put her daughter in Catholic school, she could not afford it. Her diocese guaranteed a Catholic education for every Catholic child whose practicing Catholic family wanted it. Her local church paid what she could not.

[Murphy101]

5 minutes ago, Frances said:

Won’t the Catholic school or your church provide financial aid for your children? When my sister was a newly separated single mom and wanted to put her daughter in Catholic school, she could not afford it. Her diocese guaranteed a Catholic education for every Catholic child whose practicing Catholic family wanted it. Her local church paid what she could not.

 

I have not found any information indicating that’s likely. Even if I became a single mother. Everything I have found says they will offer 10-20% off, which is meaningless in my income bracket. 

ETA: And yeah, it’s a policy I don’t like regardless. There’s a reason 50-80% of students aren’t catholic and it’s not just because RC is a minority here. It’s because Catholic schools are where wealthy people go and most Catholics can’t afford to go.  

[retiredHSmom]

20 hours ago, HollyDay said:

Me too.  Murphy101, start one up for us??

Tania, I'd love to know how your transition is going.  My youngest graduated high school last June (2017).  She started college in January  2018 (took a semester off).  My oldest just got her AA and will be leaving in Aug to live on campus while pursuing her BS.  I started computer classes last Fall to make me better equipped for a paying job.  But, dh was diagnosed with cancer and I've spent the last year going to appointments and tackling insurance.  He is doing very well now!!!!!  So, it is time for me to get back to my job search. 

 

My transition is going. I have days of great excitement and days where I wonder why anyone would hire me for this job.  My story, it has more that a little luck in it but I am beginning to think that is the way they all go.

I got married between my sophomore and Junior year of college. When I graduated 1.5 years later (one semester early) with an electrical engineering degree I was four months pregnant with my oldest (on purpose, my husband was commissioning into the Air Force and starting an engineering career during the start of my husbands military career just wasn't going to work, too much moving at first).  Six years later my son was born just two weeks after I began homeschooling my oldest in Kindergarten.  I homeschooled three kids through high school.

We moved all over the world and I homeschooled.  I never had a side job at all. About 8 years ago we moved to the Washington D.C metro area (we live about 10 miles south of the pentagon) and my husband completed the last two tours of his military career here and then retired here.  At the same time we joined a homeschool co-op (our first ever) and I began teaching science and technology classes at the co-op. About three years ago I thought that maybe I would enjoy having a job when my son graduated but I was thinking work in a store or teach homeschool classes or something. I thought of writing and selling my own homeschool engineering curriculum. I kept saying that I wanted a very flexible job. My husband encouraged me to take a year off and just relax.  

When my son started driving a year ago, I started spending a lot more time alone at home and I realized that I was bored.  I love quilting and reading but really after two hours I was done. I looked at the dusty ceiling fan and realized that I had been using homeschooling as an excuse not to dust things for 18 years and that I needed a new excuse. I also realized that my son's departure for college made us empty-nesters and my mother started talking about all the fun crafting we could do and I realized that while I love my mom and no one can escape the passage of time, that I was seriously unready to be in the same stage in life as my mother.  If you will remember, I was 22 when I had my oldest daughter and the final realization for me was that at 46, I could work for 20 years (due to my family history in the military that is a career in my mind) and still barely be retirement age.  I decided that I didn't  know what I was being flexible for and I decided to look for a career.

I decided not to go back to school, we are already paying for my son to go to college and I have a BS so I didn't want to spend the money. I wanted to actually make some. My initial plan was to teach in the local homeschool enrichment programs. We have 4 within a short drive of my home.  I had discovered over the last eight years that I loved teaching (I had moved on to an admin position at our co-op and wasn't teaching and I missed it) and really that is what I have been doing as a career for the last 18 years.  I had a friend that had moved from homeschooling into teaching in the local catholic school system, I decided to get some advice from her about how to write about my co-op teaching experiences on my resume but didn't figure that I could follow her path as she has a masters in computer science and was actually employed as a computer scientist for many years before having kids while I got a degree and then went straight to housewife 23 years ago.

We met and she helped with my resume (she suggested that I emphasize class size and provide a course description) she encouraged me to apply to teach math in a k-8 school. That seemed far-fetched but I figured I might. In our area, the schools do hire people without teaching certificates, part of the contract is that you will earn the certificate in your first 3 years of teaching (public schools) or 1 year (Catholic schools). The next week she called to let me know that the high school she was teaching at was losing a computer science teacher in her department and that she wanted me to apply for the job.  I did.

I got a call for an interview before the week was out.  At my interview, I was told that there was also a position coming open to teach physics and engineering and that they wanted me for that position. They were impressed that I has taught classes of 12-20 students, that I developed my own engineering curriculum, that I knew all the physics books they were using and most of all that I told them I was looking to be part of a community and for a career, that I was willing to attend training in the summer and that I am passionate about teaching science and technology. I has a second interview a week later and was hired less than a week after that. 

The spring was weird. I am a linear thinker and I was still homeschooling my son and thinking about my self in that way, but I had meetings to attend, work computers topics up and training to schedule.  My son is now graduated and I am scheduled for a two week long training about two hours away in July (I have a hotel room) and I am writing lesson plans.  I am beginning to think of myself as a teacher and a working woman. It is odd at times.  I worry about when I will grocery shop, and about cooking dinner and car maintenance and all the jobs that I currently do but I am also excited to try the "other life". To get to walk both paths through the woods.  I worry that I am not good enough and wonder why they hired me and then I plan my experiments for kinetic energy and I get all excited for the fall.

It is a lot to adjust to at once, no kids and a job but maybe that is the best way.  

My opportunity came about through networking and through leveraging my experience.  Obviously a lot of luck was involved in that I live in an area that hires people without teaching certificates to teach and in that I had someone putting in a good word for me.  Although I will say that last week, I got a call asking if I had a position for the fall at another diocesan school where I know no one.

I would love to have a group for others making this transition and who have made it. We can compare notes on our new careers and on handling all the responsibilities left from our "old" ones too.

[dirty ethel rackham]

18 hours ago, HollyDay said:

<snip>.  But, I'm hesitant to start a master's degree at age 56.  I'd be 58 or 59 when I finished it.  Would i get a job that would make the time and financial investment worth it? And now is the time for dc to get their degrees.  There just isn't an endless supply of money.  I'd like to get a part time job that would help pay for their higher education.  I did go to local community college and take adult ed classes in office work and computers.  I still have more classes I want to take (Access and PowerPoint 2), but this summer is nuts.  And that brings up an interesting point.  If I go back to work, who takes over all the things I do?  Things that must be done and right now I'm the only one available to do them

I hear you on the expense of a masters at our age (I'm 55.)  My dream job would be physical therapy (where I'd have my own biz and do things where I could get creative at devising a plan for recovery.)  But, I looked at the amount of schooling (basically a 2nd bachelors, then a PhD) and decided that the return on investment wasn't worth it.  I also wonder who would be available for the regular emergencies that come up.  

9 hours ago, Murphy101 said:

<snip>

I thought of going back and entering a  sonographer program. But when I looked into odds of getting hired here, basicly the pay is great if you have 5+ years experience and 0 if you don’t. So there went that. I’d love going back to school but can’t juatify the financial and family stress if it isn’t going to pay off.  And by pay off I just mean covers the cost of the education plus significantly lightens our financial burdens. 

Interesting how different parts of the country have different experiences.  I am working on the prereqs to apply to get an associates in Diagnostic Medical Imaging Sonography.  Our local community college has excellent results placing graduates ... they are at 100% and starting salaries are upwards of $50,000.  The program at the school is very competitive to get into, but I'm confident I'll be an excellent candidate.  The cost of the program would be recovered in just a couple of months of working.  

I felt somewhat odd and, perhaps, ashamed? of getting an associates after a bachelors.  But, looking at the big picture, it is best for everyone involved.  I could go part-time if I needed to or I could end up doing something else.  

8 hours ago, Murphy101 said:

<snip>

But as you note, life isn’t really asking my opinion on anything lately so who knows how things will end up.  I’m just trying to be prepared for the next curve ball life throws. Possibly an exercise in futility. 

Beautifully put.  

[Soror]

thank you retiredHSmom for sharing, kudos to you!

Looking at the numbers ugh. I told dh we need to strongly consider putting the kids back in school next year if things don't turn around. 

His work has been tight for months, I don't know how much longer we can squeeze by and how tight we want to live before it isn't worth it anymore. 

Before dh could just work extra making way more than I could but he has not even been working full-time. 

I really don't want to go back, it is pretty gravy staying home with the kids. I sure don't want to jump into it but being broke sucks. But he thinks things might turn around soon and we've really pinched pennies before, we just need to get back in the right mindset and maybe we can build some more cushion

[FairProspects]

I'd be interested too. I've been back to full time teaching for two years now, but it has been crazy stressful on our family as we also own a business and dh works insane hours. I resigned my full time teaching job at the end of this school year to try and reset, but I've worked so hard to make up for the decade I was off, that I really have mixed feelings about it. I'm just not sure how to get it all accomplished. The kids still need me, the afternoon nanny and conveniences ate into my salary anyway, and all in all it wasn't great. But...college is coming and we definitely could use the extra income. It is a really challenging balance.

[SamanthaCarter]

This is so hard. Big hugs to everybody.

I’m keeping my feet wet with a one day a week job working at a CPA office. I give half or more of my take home pay to the babysitter. I’m not a great homeschooler, but I am a little bit of a control freak about academic and social environment for my kids, especially my DS. I feel like putting him in in a public school would be dooming him to failure (adhd, high IQ, slow processing speed, a few aspergers-like tendencies). If I could find a school where I think my kids could thrive, I’d do my darndest to earn enough to pay crazy tuition and pay for all the sundries that go with school. I don’t think I could earn enough to pay it, not as a part time, school hours employee. 

That was a little tangent. Sorry. I was sort of triggered by the catholic school discussion. It’s the second most elite school around here. Which I don’t think is in keeping with the original intent of catholic schools. 

[Murphy101]

I know what I want to do when I grow up because I’m doing it now. 

Unfortunately, life doesn’t care about that. 

So here I am trying not to feel like I’m going to be the crappiest mom ever to my younger children compared to my older children. 

And that’s not even getting into how I have never been able to figure out how anyone with children can keep a job. The entire world seems scheduled on the presumption that everyone can get off work whenever for whatever.  I spend a huge amount of my time doing stuff that the other people in my house can’t do during work/school hours.  

[2squared]

I homeschooled for six years and then went back to work FT as our family's breadwinner. I much prefer to be home, and I am hoping my dh can increase his salary enough for me to feel comfortable transitioning to PT.

My youngest three are in our parochial K-8 school, and tuition is only $2k/year/kid. We have a families in all income brackets attending the school. Those at the lower end don't pay any tuition. Those at the upper end sponsor additional kids.

As to who does the "at home" stuff when you go to work, the "must dos" still get done. How those things get done will probably look different, but all the "must dos" still get done.  I work FT, sit on our parochial school board, coach youth basketball, and shuttle my kids to their activities year-round. My dh is currently on a state-side deployment, so I am a single parent right now. My days are full, but my kids are flourishing and I know myself well enough that I have a high need for financial security. As much as I dearly wish to be home with them, even PT, I will not sacrifice retirement, college savings, emergency funds, and enrichment opportunities.

My job is very flexible meaning I can flex my hours pretty much at will and I can work from home when needed. We moved for this job, and we purposefully live within four blocks of the parochial and public schools. My kids (even my 7yo) can get themselves to and from school and the majority of their activities. I work less than 20 minutes away (door-to-door), and we also chose to live very rurally so our kids could easily have independence.  Moving away from family and friends can certainly be difficult, but I think being open to relocation is often a critical component of long-term financial security.

Landing my current job was very easy as it was in my previous line of work. I took a significant decrease in title and responsibility compared to my last professional position, which was probably a mistake. I sold myself short. Oh, well.  We all have regrets and things we would re-do if we could.

[Murphy101]

I started a club for us and invited everyone who expressed an interest. It's a closed club, so only members are supposed to be able to read posts because I want everyone to feel comfortable being real about this.

sahms transitioning to work force

 

[Mabelen]

I identify with you all. I am 54, I never homeschooled, but I had a couple of big relocations, and I have not worked full time since I had my first 21 years ago. I don't know which way to go next. I hope you won't mind my joining you guys.

[BarbecueMom]

I'm still years out from this point, but I did realize recently that I'm spending all these years teaching (my) kids... but in general, I don't really like kids.  Mine are awesome.  Everyone else's?  No thanks.  I'm trying to figure out how to veer off after homeschooling into a field that has absolutely nothing to do with teaching/supervising/cleaning up other people's children.  Other people's adults are only slightly better.

And my degree is in music education.  Gee thanks, younger self, that's really helpful.

[Laurel-in-CA]

58 minutes ago, BarbecueMom said:

I'm still years out from this point, but I did realize recently that I'm spending all these years teaching (my) kids... but in general, I don't really like kids.  Mine are awesome.  Everyone else's?  No thanks.  I'm trying to figure out how to veer off after homeschooling into a field that has absolutely nothing to do with teaching/supervising/cleaning up other people's children.  Other people's adults are only slightly better.

And my degree is in music education.  Gee thanks, younger self, that's really helpful.

Sometimes it's just the age group. I never want to teach middle school kids...I just don't get them and they don't get me. But I've led AHG groups of 4th-6th graders and taught that age as well as a mixed high school group in our co-op and had a great time.

And sometimes it's the size of the group. I have NO idea what I'd do with a classroom of 30 (my sis teaches 3rd grade public school and I think I would not be able to get anything done...she thrives). But groups of 8-12 are my sweet spot.

Or maybe there's another way to use that skill.....like teaching people about a product? Training groups of adults? 

Or maybe you're like me and just don't want to put a lot of brainpower into whatever it is you're going to do for $$ and abatement of boredom? 8-) I tried that, though, and I do want something that requires *some* brainpower and pays a decent wage or I get discouraged, frustrated, and am very happy when the job goes away. I was entering clothes for an online thrift sale shop....BORING....so glad that went away, although it gave me a jolt at the time.

[iamonlyone]

I would like to join this group. I just graduated my youngest this spring. My plans had been:

1. Dinner and some hanging out with youngest dd who was planning on living at home and attending a local college.

2. Travel with my mom, now that I'm an empty nester.

3. Continue my work-from-home editing job for at least a year to give me flexibility as dd acclimates to college.

However, dd decided to attend a college that is a bit too far to commute, my mom passed away last October after a 10-month battle with cancer—we did squeeze in one trip—and the company I worked for lost a major client and had to lay off the internal staff and the contractors (me).

So...I'm back to the drawing board. I have updated my resumé and have obtained a few letters of recommendation. I'm planning on sending out a few query letters to local nonprofits I would like to work for, and I'm also in the fact-finding process about starting a franchise business (which sounds both exciting and scary).

[Lisa R.]

I homeschooled for 15 years, and my two oldest are homeschool graduates (now college graduates). I was getting burned out--feeling isolated and somewhat disillusioned with the homeschool education standards around me. So I put my two younger children in a classical university model school; this is basically a private school/homeschool hybrid. They attend school Tuesdays and Thursdays and are do their homework at home Mondays and Wednesdays. Fridays are fine arts electives.

At this point, I'd been out of the workforce for 20 years. I was getting restless and started volunteering at the school. I have a B.S. in accounting, but didn't want to go back to that. After tackling a sizable school volunteer job, I asked for a part time position. I did front desk part time earning very little. Then I asked HR about other part time work. The following school year they gave me another job with more hours but still the flexibility to be home with my kids on their home study days. 

My point is that when you have that resume gap, you have to get your foot in the door. This might mean taking a job beneath your skill set and less pay that you'd like. Once they see competency, you can work your way up. Schools tend to be a flexible schedule that have employees sympathetic to a working mother. Also, having summers off is a great perk. Schools are also more forgiving of the resume gap, too. Same for healthcare jobs. 

Working has been a breath of fresh air for me. I enjoy working with others toward a common goal. Earning money brings me a sense of accomplishment. If I was able, somehow, to get full time accounting work, it would not be satisfying even though it would pay more. 

OP, doing something different with your younger children doesn't make you a crappy mom. Change is hard but it's involves growth which is good. My kids have benefited from needing to pitch in. I'm glad my two daughters can see me juggling motherhood and a job. Would you consider getting a job at your local Catholic school? 

[Mom22ns]

On 6/17/2018 at 10:13 PM, HollyDay said:

Murphy101, your post about not getting paid much and the cost is something I've been thinking about too.  I have a bachelor's degree.  But, I've been a homeschool educator for 17 years.  I don't have "current work experience" (insert snarky smiley face here).  I taught chemistry, physics, pre-calculus, government, etc.  I have a lot to offer, just not recent office experience.  Several people have suggested I get my master's degree.  Perhaps teach.  But, I'm hesitant to start a master's degree at age 56.  I'd be 58 or 59 when I finished it.  Would i get a job that would make the time and financial investment worth it? And now is the time for dc to get their degrees.  There just isn't an endless supply of money.  I'd like to get a part time job that would help pay for their higher education.  I did go to local community college and take adult ed classes in office work and computers.  I still have more classes I want to take (Access and PowerPoint 2), but this summer is nuts.  And that brings up an interesting point.  If I go back to work, who takes over all the things I do?  Things that must be done and right now I'm the only one available to do them

 

I'm working on that myself. I went back at 50. My master's will be in a different field than my bachelor's so I did one semester of undergrad, one semester of grad, then got a position as a grad assistant which makes school free and pays me a stipend each semester. It isn't much, but it is enough to make it easy to assure the ROI and I'm having a great time!

The other advantage to being a student and part time college teacher is that I still have a lot of flexibility in my schedule. I think that is helping me with the transition from homeschooler, mom, and wife to professional. I can still do those things everyone is used to me doing.

[Murphy101]

4 hours ago, BarbecueMom said:

I'm still years out from this point, but I did realize recently that I'm spending all these years teaching (my) kids... but in general, I don't really like kids.  Mine are awesome.  Everyone else's?  No thanks.  I'm trying to figure out how to veer off after homeschooling into a field that has absolutely nothing to do with teaching/supervising/cleaning up other people's children.  Other people's adults are only slightly better.

And my degree is in music education.  Gee thanks, younger self, that's really helpful.

 

You and me both. Everyone is all, “you could do *inseet job with children* and I always respond by asking them why they hate me. 

[Murphy101]

49 minutes ago, Lisa R. said:

I homeschooled for 15 years, and my two oldest are homeschool graduates (now college graduates). I was getting burned out--feeling isolated and somewhat disillusioned with the homeschool education standards around me. So I put my two younger children in a classical university model school; this is basically a private school/homeschool hybrid. They attend school Tuesdays and Thursdays and are do their homework at home Mondays and Wednesdays. Fridays are fine arts electives.

At this point, I'd been out of the workforce for 20 years. I was getting restless and started volunteering at the school. I have a B.S. in accounting, but didn't want to go back to that. After tackling a sizable school volunteer job, I asked for a part time position. I did front desk part time earning very little. Then I asked HR about other part time work. The following school year they gave me another job with more hours but still the flexibility to be home with my kids on their home study days. 

My point is that when you have that resume gap, you have to get your foot in the door. This might mean taking a job beneath your skill set and less pay that you'd like. Once they see competency, you can work your way up. Schools tend to be a flexible schedule that have employees sympathetic to a working mother. Also, having summers off is a great perk. Schools are also more forgiving of the resume gap, too. Same for healthcare jobs. 

Working has been a breath of fresh air for me. I enjoy working with others toward a common goal. Earning money brings me a sense of accomplishment. If I was able, somehow, to get full time accounting work, it would not be satisfying even though it would pay more. 

OP, doing something different with your younger children doesn't make you a crappy mom. Change is hard but it's involves growth which is good. My kids have benefited from needing to pitch in. I'm glad my two daughters can see me juggling motherhood and a job. Would you consider getting a job at your local Catholic school? 

 

I would consider most any job that paid more than the cost of getting it, allowed me to still parent my kids and didn’t leave me feeling like death every day. 

[Joules]

Murphy, Can I join the club?  I'm not employed full-time yet but I am trying very hard.  I've been interviewing since October, and so far have one volunteer job and one commission-type job, so I'm working really hard and not making much of anything.  I could definitely use support!

[Murphy101]

Just now, Joules said:

Murphy, Can I join the club?  I'm not employed full-time yet but I am trying very hard.  I've been interviewing since October, and so far have one volunteer job and one commission-type job, so I'm working really hard and not making much of anything.  I could definitely use support!

 

Of course. That’s what it’s about. 

[LucyStoner]

On 6/18/2018 at 6:29 AM, Murphy101 said:

If we lived somewhere with better schools, that’d probably help. But we don’t. I’d rather home school in a tent than use the public schools here and we can’t afford the catholic school I’d be open to sending them to. 

But as you note, life isn’t really asking my opinion on anything lately so who knows how things will end up.  I’m just trying to be prepared for the next curve ball life throws. Possibly an exercise in futility. 

 

Are tuition scholarships or working at the Catholic school an option? Is a virtual charter an option?

I know that parochial schools operate on very tight budgets but many do work with families, especially those who are practicing Catholics, to put the cost in reach. I have many friends, who are not particularly low income either, for whom the cost of a private school after financial aid consideration was cheaper than after school daycare would be.  

[LucyStoner]

I think I am in this club but I was too anxious about financial viability to be entirely out of the workforce for very long.  I have added to my education and increased my self employment income dramatically in the last few months due to economic necessity.  

[PinkTulip]

I would love to join, too. I have a law degree, but have been a sahm for the last 20 years. DH was diagnosed with a chronic illness about 3 years ago and as he declines, I can see I will need to be the primary breadwinner within the next 2-3 years. I REALLY don’t want to go back to being an attorney, and with the way the legal market is right now, I don’t see law firms lining up to hire a 46 year old who has been out of the field for 20 years. So much has changed. 

I am contemplating taking some classes in the fall at my local community college with an eye either toward dental hygiene or sonography. Basically I need something that I can be qualified in a relatively short period of time and pays pretty well. Ugh!

[Kim in Appalachia]

On 6/18/2018 at 5:06 PM, dirty ethel rackham said:

I hear you on the expense of a masters at our age (I'm 55.)  My dream job would be physical therapy (where I'd have my own biz and do things where I could get creative at devising a plan for recovery.)  But, I looked at the amount of schooling (basically a 2nd bachelors, then a PhD) and decided that the return on investment wasn't worth it.  I also wonder who would be available for the regular emergencies that come up.  

Interesting how different parts of the country have different experiences.  I am working on the prereqs to apply to get an associates in Diagnostic Medical Imaging Sonography.  Our local community college has excellent results placing graduates ... they are at 100% and starting salaries are upwards of $50,000.  The program at the school is very competitive to get into, but I'm confident I'll be an excellent candidate.  The cost of the program would be recovered in just a couple of months of working.  

I felt somewhat odd and, perhaps, ashamed? of getting an associates after a bachelors.  But, looking at the big picture, it is best for everyone involved.  I could go part-time if I needed to or I could end up doing something else.  

Beautifully put.  

 

 

? I'm doing this.  It feels nuts, but I'm in my 2nd semester of a 2yr program to become an occupational therapy assistant.  

It does feel crazy at times.  And today was one of those days that felt like I am nuts, I'm too old, and I should not be doing this.  But I am, and I'm not the kind of person who gives up.

And I've also looked at the return on investment for continuing to become an OT.  I'll be almost 50 when I finish this program. I wouldn't be able to finish a full OTD program until late 50's, so not financially worth it.  

[Free Indeed]

Loving reading this thread. With my last child in high school (and 2 in college) I have been working various jobs at home to try to help out. I do in Home care. A couple days a week I over see another homeschool moms children while she works as a nurse, I also babysit a few kids, including a 3 year old child with some special needs I may end up homeschooling, I tutor some, and I provide care for an autistic lady (25) while her dad works. In the fall I will be teaching literature  at a local college prep co op. So many sticks in the fire. However, I am able to nicely supplement my husbands income, provide extras and help with school costs. Some days are smooth and some are rough, but that was the case when it was just us too. ?

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I would like to join you, ladies.  

I homeschooled for 16 years, my two olders through middle school, and the youngest through 5th grade.  The olders are now in or graduated from college, and the youngest is going into 8th grade at an awesome independent private school.  Her first year in school ('16-'17), my first at home by myself, left me feeling very antsy and a bit lost.  For her second year in school ('17-'18), in order to bring back an environment of learning and bring some firsthand experience with foreign culture, we hosted a Japanese exchange student.  She was with us the whole school year, and extended her time in order to accompany us on our epic road trip.  She just left yesterday. We have decided not to host next year, mainly because the exchange student can't attend the same school as dd.  Having the two girls at different schools is more than I want to do again. Hosting didn't pay anything, and it was a lot of work, but it did provide opportunity to "homeschool" (she needed a lot of help with American History). It was just what I needed to make the transition to having a sort-of empty nest.  I'm ready now to do something new that doesn't involve homeschooling, I just don't know what yet.

I'm again facing an empty house. I'm 55.  I have a BS in Mechanical Engineering, but like RetiredHSMom, I was pregnant when I graduated, married to an AF officer who was PCS-ing within months of my graduation, and I have never worked in my field.  I was an exceptional student. School was easy for me, and I excelled, but my menopausal brain doesn't work like it did 25 years ago.  Everything I remember from school (not much) has become obsolete.  I really don't think anyone would hire me at my age into an entry level engineering position.  I might be qualified to work in an engineering office as a clerk of some sort, and work my way up, but I don't know if I could learn fast enough.  Perhaps I could do CAD or something?  I don't know.  

Like BarbequeMom, I have absolutely no desire to teach other people's kids.  I do some STEM teaching for a company that is owned and operated by veteran homeschool moms, and that's cool, but my heart isn't totally into it (meaning I don't sit around thinking about it when I'm not there). Teaching isn't my passion.  If I had to pick a passion, it would have to be music (the sound of children singing never fails to bring me to tears). I have taught Kindermusik in the past, and I love doing that, but Kindermusik is a franchise, and they've changed their business model so much that I don't think I could work with them.  Yet, I don't feel qualified or inclined to create my own children's music curriculum.  

So, I volunteer a lot.  I am on the boards of several non-profit organizations.  This year, I was co-chair for the gigantic annual used book sale at dd's school.  That took a huge amount of time and showed me what life would be like if I had a full time job.  Basically, nothing at home got done for those 3 weeks.  I do costumes for opera camp, which basically takes over our lives for five weeks every summer. I would have to give up all these things if I went to work. Then, I have days when I spend hours on hold with the electric company or the insurance company.  I honestly don't know how working people get these things done. I have other days when I spend four or five hours taking my mom to doctors' appointments or helping her with her finances. She is 88.  There is no one else to take care of her needs. 

I am blessed that my dh, who is an engineering contractor, has had enough work (after retiring from the Air Force) to keep us financially comfortable.  I hope this continues to be true, but there are no guarantees.  For me, this year will be interesting, but not lucrative. I've started doing some things that aren't centered around my kids. I've been taking voice lessons for two years, and I'm auditioning for the chorus in the local opera company.  I'm also learning the oboe.  

I would love to find some sort of work. I don't see myself sitting around watching TV or crafting.  I am tired of social media and other time sucking activities.  I would love to sink my teeth into something I enjoy, that pays well enough to ensure that we will be able to afford dd's private school, and still be able to send her to college.  It would have to be flexible enough to allow me to take care of my mom and my dd, and take care of the house and my family. I have no idea what that job might be.

 

[Liz CA]

Suzanne, don't discount your "menopausal brain" entirely. I have gotten a degree and certifications with my menopausal brain and found it's actually still working. :)

I am one of those people who do better wholly focusing on something and I could not have done this with children in the house so waiting to continue education has been okay for me. More than okay. I have thoroughly enjoyed the process.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I worked PT as a community college adjunct while I homeschooled DS. My hope was to be able to go FT at some point but, due to budget cuts, education requirements, and declining enrollment, that didn't happen. I left academia last fall to become a coach. This is my first FT job and I find it frustratingly wonderful. DH and I are financially stable for the first time in our marriage and that has made a big difference in our relationship. No longer are we worried about minor issues or being able to afford certain luxuries (like new shoes or a second tennis racquet). We finally have some savings which is probably the biggest confidence booster for both of us. We are also moving into the empty nest stage. DD and DGD just moved out and DS will be going back to college this fall. For us, the FT work and having adult children finally moving into independence has been nice. DH and I have had the conversations, however, about how our lives could have/would have/should have been different if I had gone to work FT earlier. But DS needed and wanted to be homeschooled and I wouldn't give up those years for anything.