S/O: Why does being asked "What's for dinner?" bother some people?

[Paige]

So, do you all despise those "What's for dinner?" posts here?

 

 

No. I'm happy for people to be happy talking about food if there's no presumption that I'm involved. I think either it's happy foodies talking or poor people like me who may be desperate for ideas.

 

Tonight it's pizza- 50% off coupon for the woohoo and I don't have to do anything!

[theelfqueen]

Actually I like the threads I get ideas lol

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[solascriptura]

My kids will ask me repeatedly throughout the day. Over and over again.

[Ellie]

My kids will ask me repeatedly throughout the day. Over and over again.

 

And that's one of the reasons I quit letting my children ask.

 

It doesn't matter what's for dinner. I'm going to make something that we will like, based on our budget, amount of time required, and any known special needs or likes. 

[stephanier.1765]

Because it shouldn't matter. I'm cooking it and you should eat it. I'm not going to cook something people dislike so let me get on my job and respect me enough to sit down to dinner and be happy with what's there.

[Junie]

And that's one of the reasons I quit letting my children ask.

 

It doesn't matter what's for dinner. I'm going to make something that we will like, based on our budget, amount of time required, and any known special needs or likes. 

 

Here is the problem.  There are very few meals that we all like.

 

And it's not that I make strange things like hog maw (which my evil stepmother made me eat).

 

One of my kids doesn't like pizza.  Another doesn't like chicken.  Several kids don't like eggs.  One doesn't like pasta.  One doesn't like rice.

 

It never ends.

 

Our rule is that they have to learn to accept food graciously.  Eating is optional.  :)

[Guest]

I think it is a combination of things for me, but really, I know it is not rational, just as it is not unreasonable for DH to keep asking me day after day what is "on the agenda." These are reasons it bugs me:

1) Making meals is so constant. I get sick to death of doing it.

2) sometimes I have not pin-pointed and don't want reminding that this is the case

3) it feels so ungrateful and entitled. Like it's so unimagineable that I might not cook one night.

4) sometimes I just resent that I set a precedent as a good cook of homemade meals. I should have wisely done that swing-by-Chick-Fil-A on the way home thing, to keep their expectations low.

5) I just don't want to figure it out over and over again until I die, but it's looking that way at present.

[The Girls' Mom]

Several reasons.  First, I often don't know until I'm in the kitchen cooking it.  Sometimes it may even change mid-prep.  Second, when I was cooking for 5, inevitably someone would not like what I was making.  Third, as the kids grew closer to adulthood, and I spent 25 years cooking for everyone, I really began to resent the assumption that *I* was the one cooking dinner, even if everyone else had been home all day while I had been at work and school.  

[Guest]

And that's one of the reasons I quit letting my children ask.

 

It doesn't matter what's for dinner. I'm going to make something that we will like, based on our budget, amount of time required, and any known special needs or likes.

Maybe I'm just going to start saying this.

[Guest]

Have you all noticed how remarkably unified we haters of that question are in our reasons? It's really quite impressive.

[Liz CA]

It can come across as a little pressure especially if you have not given it much thought yet...at 5:15pm.  :)

[mamaraby]

Because sometimes they ask right after one meal has ended. As others have said - repetition, presumption. Also, being tired of being the answer person. There can be two adults physically present in this house and yet the children will bypass the other very capable adult and ask me. You know, you came down a flight of stairs to ask me this question or ask me to do this thing when your father was standing right next to you in the room you were in! Go ask him.

 

I put my dinner plan on the calendar that anyone in the house can access from any electronic device and devine for themself what's for dinner. I do the same thing with the schedule. I answer no questions about what's for dinner or what's going on because everyone in this family can read. The rest of the questions I either outsource - where do you think you can find that out? - or accept I must answer. With three children that I'm home with all the time, it's a lot of questions. Plus my mother and one of my sisters have apparently confused me with Google because many of their questions are fairly easily answered with a simple Google search. It's possible that I need to stop looking the answers up for people and start answering as many questions as possible with "I don't know" even when I do. I have considered it. Also, I'm considering charging them for all answers outside of certain hours in order to foster independence and fund my Starbucks card.

 

I do have to give my ds credit. At 12yo he has stopped asking me what's for dinner and instead asks, "Can I help?" I figure we're a few steps away from him reading the calendar to see what's for dinner and then making it himself.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Because, really, what does it matter?  I'm making what I'm making or I might not know yet OR I might even change my mind.   You'll find out when I call you to dinner and if you don't like it then, I won't have had to stew about your pickiness all afternoon.

 

This sums it up very succinctly for me. But what bothers me even more is the question "How long until dinner?" Because the answer is inevitably some short time (since I'm in middle of cooking it, thank you), and yet the response always results in the opening of cabinets and refrigerator in search of a snack. NO. You can wait 30 minutes until dinner is ready. You will not die of hunger. I swear it. Get out of the kitchen.

 

Imagine if they actually said 'Hey mum, we're going to make friend rice for dinner!' How much nicer would that be?

 

If that's what they're going to cook, I think I'll hang onto the job myself! :lol: 

Edited July 24, 2017 by ILiveInFlipFlops

[HS Mom in NC]

Maybe some people feel bothered by because no one told them it's perfectly OK to answer, "I don't know.  I haven't figured it out yet." while feeling no guilt whatsoever. If anyone needs permission to not feel guilty about it, you have mine. (Not that you needed me to do it for you, but there it is.)

I usually have meals planned but sometimes I don't.  Nope.  I don't feel bad about that.

[Audrey]

So, do you all despise those "What's for dinner?" posts here?

 

 

No. That's usually people looking for suggestions on what to cook.  I like planning meals, cooking meals, sharing recipes and talking about food.  I don't find that annoying. 

 

After all, those posters aren't whinging at *me* to cook for them. 

[dsmith]

I only hate when my mother-in-law asks. She usually makes a face when she finds out what it is. Dh has been doing most of the cooking (with some help from me) and menu planning since my current MS relapse started in December, as well as working his butt off from 6 am until 5 pm when he starts cooking. She has cooked maybe 8 meals in that time, so it really, really annoys me when she makes the face. She thinks her weight issues, high cholesterol and stomach issues are from eating one meal a day that we cook, which is ridiculous. It's really the crap she eats when everyone else is in bed, but I have insomnia and usually catch her, lol. Generally my mother-in-law is a wonderful person, and she probably doesn't realize she is making the face, but it irritates me to no end when she asks what's for dinner. 

[fraidycat]

Because, I am a long term sufferer of decision fatigue, and I do not want to make one more dang decision, especially when the answer is inevitably met with with dismay or scorn.

 

Because I'm a parenting failure when it comes to food, my "so polite" (according to others) children suck at showing appreciation for my efforts unless it's their favorite food.

 

Because I told DH before we even got engaged that I hate cooking, and yet it's been mostly my job since day 1, 16+ years ago (not his fault, just life/work circumstances).

 

Because, I hate cooking, grocery shopping, meal planning, deciding. In fact, I hate it so much that I have developed a huge mental block to it. I literally cannot think more than 2 days out for food - my mind goes blank, and even those 2 days take intense, exhausting effort, so is only done for special circumstances. I used to be able to plan a week at a time and follow it.

 

Because I hate the expectation that feeding people is my responsibility.

 

All that said, today my wonderful DH made both brunch and supper. He did "need" my input on a side veggie, because of my "magical decider powers", but I let him decide based on the frozen veggie content of the freezer.

[IsabelC]

No. That's usually people looking for suggestions on what to cook.  I like planning meals, cooking meals, sharing recipes and talking about food.  I don't find that annoying. 

 

After all, those posters aren't whinging at *me* to cook for them. 

 

Well, actually, you'd be very welcome to come over and cook for us  :lol:

[Melissa in Australia]

Only read first few posts

It bothers me. I get asked constantly by twins, every few moments while I am preparing the meal. I now respond with grasshopper legs. They then stop asking.

[Laura Corin]

If it's more than an hour before supper, I often don't know. It's whatever I find in the fridge and pantry. I usually say that I have no idea.

[fralala]

It only bothers me if it's spoken the moment a child lays eyes upon her lunch, in a "Should I eat the bare minimum to tide me over until something better comes along or is this as good as it's going to get today?" tone.

 

Otherwise, we are now down to a rotation of exactly 3 different dinners so I can just respond, "Same thing we had 3 nights ago. That's your math homework. Figure it out."

 

Edited for toddler pounding keyboard and hitting submit.

Edited July 24, 2017 by fralala

[purpleowl]

I don't so much mind the presumption that I'm the one coming up with the plan for dinner, because I am, and it makes sense in our household for me to be that person.

 

I do mind the repetition, and the asking-just-so-you-can-complain phenomenon. I've been known to say any of these:

 

* Grilled [sibling's name].

* Fried mailboxes.

* Didn't you have dinner YESTERDAY?

* Same thing we were having the last time you asked.

* Your sister just asked that. She knows the answer. Go check with her.

 

I have a menu plan for the week posted on the refrigerator, but it is subject to change. But my oldest is getting good about checking it first and saying, "So, we're having X for dinner tonight, right?" And then I can tell her that she's correct, or that I had to shift everything by a day, or whatever.

[KathyBC]

I'm sure it's my defensive nature making me see it this way, but because it often seems to be code for, "Why haven't you started dinner yet?"

[KathyBC]

So, do you all despise those "What's for dinner?" posts here?

 

NO!! I love those posts. They help me with one of the harder aspects of nightly meal prep - inspiration.

[Rebel Yell]

This sums it up very succinctly for me. But what bothers me even more is the question "How long until dinner?" Because the answer is inevitably some short time (since I'm in middle of cooking it, thank you), and yet the response always results in the opening of cabinets and refrigerator in search of a snack. NO. You can wait 30 minutes until dinner is ready. You will not die of hunger. I swear it. Get out of the kitchen.

 

OH MY GOSH my DH is a wonderful man, but I can be literally taking dinner out of the oven as he is walking in the door and he will reach in the fridge for a cheesestick or pepperoni. And there has only been one meal in 24 years that he didn't like, so I know it isn't because he doesn't like what's for dinner.

Drives me nuts. Like he's going to starve on that 6-ft walk to the table? :lol:

[rainbowmama]

I have four kids. There's always someone who doesn't like what's for dinner. That question is really just a way to start the whining about dinner hours before dinner instead of delaying it until dinner time. 

[Valley Girl]

Because no matter what I cook, I stand a very good chance of one person not being hungry... another not liking the menu... and someone else getting huffy because it's not ready yet.

[flyingaway]

Because everyone in my household is quite capable of making the dinner. I'm done with the expectation that it will fall upon me, especially as I will return to full-time employment outside the house and my people are closing in on young adulthood and needing to be able to fend for themselves.

[stephanier.1765]

Maybe some people feel bothered by because no one told them it's perfectly OK to answer, "I don't know.  I haven't figured it out yet." while feeling no guilt whatsoever. If anyone needs permission to not feel guilty about it, you have mine. (Not that you needed me to do it for you, but there it is.)

 

I usually have meals planned but sometimes I don't.  Nope.  I don't feel bad about that.

 

That's exactly what I answer most days (other days, the not so good days, I say sh** on a stick) and I feel zero guilt about it. None, nada, zilch and I still hate the question.

[Guest]

In my house it's because all three are old enough to help but only one regularly offers. I always counter with "shouldn't the question be, what can I help you make for dinner?"

[luuknam]

Because answering "what's for dinner" leads to whining and moaning and complaining and all that kind of stuff. It's a no-win kind of situation, so, I often just refuse to answer. I'm more likely to answer it if it's something I think the kids will like... but even then they often happen to just not be "in the mood" for that that night, so I still would've been better off not answering it. I mean, sure, if I don't answer they'll whine when it's served... but if I do answer they'll whine when I answer AND when it's served, so, twice the whining. 

[Garga]

5) I just don't want to figure it out over and over again until I die, but it's looking that way at present.

The day that the kids are out of the house and whatever monetary help we can give them for college has been spent, I'm getting a part time job. The one and only purpose for me getting a part time job is to fund going out for dinner every single night if we want to. I just need to earn enough money for a pizza or for Chinese or whatever/wherever for the day. In between going out to dinner, we'll eat pots of spaghetti.

 

My dh used to make himself 5 sandwiches each Sunday afternoon and he'd eat them at work the next week. But recently he's decided to branch out and has been making himself elaborate lunches for the week on Sunday afternoons. He spends hours in the kitchen making those meals. After 25 years, he's also finally feeling a bit guilty for expecting me to cook on both the days he works AND the weekends when he doesn't, so he will often cook dinner on Sunday for us as well.

 

I used to complain about cooking and he'd primly say ridiculous things like, "Oh, I wish I had the time to cook!" totally making me feel like I was being a selfish whiner for complaining about something that is Just So Fun.

 

Yeah....after all his hours in the kitchen every Sunday afternoon for half a year, his story is slowly starting to change. He comes dragging out saying things like, "I just spent 4 hours in the kitchen!"

 

Yup. You did. BTDT. For 25 years.

Edited July 24, 2017 by Garga

[Ellie]

Here is the problem.  There are very few meals that we all like.

 

And it's not that I make strange things like hog maw (which my evil stepmother made me eat).

 

One of my kids doesn't like pizza.  Another doesn't like chicken.  Several kids don't like eggs.  One doesn't like pasta.  One doesn't like rice.

 

It never ends.

 

Our rule is that they have to learn to accept food graciously.  Eating is optional.   :)

 

If they are all old enough to drive and take themselves someplace else for dinner, then they can do that. Otherwise, it *still* doesn't matter what you're making for dinner. You're going to give it your best shot, and they're going to accept food graciously, which precludes their asking what's for dinner. :-)

[luuknam]

So, do you all despise those "What's for dinner?" posts here?

 

 

Nope, those seem like a support group kind of thing for people who really need ideas. I mean, it's not like they're posted by people who are going to show up at my house wanting me to feed them and then whine about how they don't like what's being served. Or, they'd better not. 

[Guest]

The day that the kids are out of the house and whatever monetary help we can give them for college has been spent, I'm getting a part time job. The one and only purpose for me getting a part time job is to fund going out for dinner every single night if we want to. I just need to earn enough money for a pizza or for Chinese or whatever/wherever for the day. In between going out to dinner, we'll eat pots of spaghetti.

 

My dh used to make himself 5 sandwiches each Sunday afternoon and he'd eat them at work the next week. But recently he's decided to branch out and has been making himself elaborate lunches for the week on Sunday afternoons. He spends hours in the kitchen making those meals. After 25 years, he's also finally feeling a bit guilty for expecting me to cook on both the days he works AND the weekends when he doesn't, so he will often cook dinner on Sunday for us as well.

 

I used to complain about cooking and he'd primly say ridiculous things like, "Oh, I wish I had the time to cook!" totally making me feel like I was being a selfish whiner for complaining about something that is Just So Fun.

 

Yeah....after all his hours in the kitchen every Sunday afternoon for half a year, his story is slowly starting to change. He comes dragging out saying things like, "I just spent 4 hours in the kitchen!"

 

Yup. You did. BTDT. For 25 years.

I totally hear you on the job thing. I want that, too, but it's more so I can justify one of those services like Blue Apron or Hello Fresh. By my theory, if I am working FT, not only do I have the income needed to silence any protest that those cost too much money, but I also am too short on time for any reasonable argument to be made that I "should" be able to put a dang dinner together night after night. In fact, in our B.C. Era (before children), I did work FT and DH did agree that it was not fair for me to make dinner *every* night, when I just worked for 8 hours and commuted for 3. He made dinner two nights a week. (Not sure that is totallly equitable, but there you go.)

 

DH does make dinner once or twice a week, and he does always make it if I am gone in the evening. But generally speaking, many of his dinners are a little weird and they are nearly always not as healthy as I would like. So, to be fair, part of why this job has fallen largely to me is that I'm picky about it. He eats basically anything I make without complaint, but I cannot say the reverse. He will make dinner and his answer to "vegetable" is Home Fries. 😠Or he'll make zucchini, but he'll put so much butter and salt in it, it might as well be Home Fries.

[bettyandbob]

The question annoys me coming from someone who lives in my house and expects to be served. I feel like if you are asking you should be volunteering to plans help. I only have this problem with one person in my house.

[luuknam]

And it's not that I make strange things like hog maw (which my evil stepmother made me eat).

 

One of my kids doesn't like pizza.  Another doesn't like chicken.  Several kids don't like eggs.  One doesn't like pasta.  One doesn't like rice.

 

 

Maybe they'd all like hog maw (not sure what that is). 

[Petrichor]

It bugs me because I start the day with big plans, which get whittled down to the reality of frozen pizza by dinnertime. But, whatever I tell them becomes the thing I have to make and I don't like dealing with their disappointment (And accusations of dishonesty).

 

Oh! That happens to you too? I had been feeling like I was the only one :(

[foxbridgeacademy]

I don't get it either, they have, in my opinion, a right to know what they will be eating.  Usually though I ask them if such and such sounds good or would they rather have XXXX instead.  Since I have to make multiple meals anyway (DD is vegetarian leaning vegan with gluten issues) it's not a big deal. 

[kitten18]

I feel like there's an implication that someone asks this because they expect me to be responsible for a) figuring this out and b) executing it and sometimes that pisses me off (completely irrationally because I am in charge of figuring this out and executing it - I do all the shopping and cooking in our house which generally I am totally fine with but some days it just pushes the crazy button.) On some level I want someone to say "so what can I make or get for you" instead.

 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Exactly.

[Junie]

Maybe they'd all like hog maw (not sure what that is). 

 

:ack2:  Um, no.  It's pig's stomach.  (Link is to wikipedia.)

 

When people say that Pennsylvania Dutch folks eat every part of the pig except the squeal, they aren't really kidding.

[Tanaqui]

:ack2:  Um, no.  It's pig's stomach.  (Link is to wikipedia.)

 

When people say that Pennsylvania Dutch folks eat every part of the pig except the squeal, they aren't really kidding.

 

Don't see how it's any less edible than the other parts of the pig. I mean, meat is meat.

[trulycrabby]

Whenever they ask, I answer "chipped beef on toast." :ack2:

[trulycrabby]

Maybe they'd all like hog maw (not sure what that is).

Ooh, maybe that will be my new automatic reply. :)

 

Or,

"I am a bot. Since your mother is tired of "what's for dinner," I have been programmed to reply "Hog Maw."

Edited July 24, 2017 by trulycrabby

[EmilyGF]

I have a Martha Stewart daughter and she is usually the one who asks me.

 

I feel cornered, like, "Hey mom, I know you're not on top of this, so I'm going to ask you to force you to decide!" I also know that if she were running the house, she'd have a monthly plan.

 

Emily

[Junie]

Tonight one of the dc asked, "What's for dinner?" as I was cooking.

 

I thought of this thread and semi-graciously answered. 

 

Then I was asked, "What kind of chicken?"

 

:svengo:  :lol:

[scoutingmom]

It drove me crazy and I ended up on strike. I do not meal plan... that just feels like an impossible task. And then we would meal plan and couldn't afford some important ingredient and the plan would go out the window and we would need to figure out something else. So yes, I often didn't have the answer. With the 4 kids it was constant. I would wake up to "what is for breakfast" (even if it was written on the board!). And that was a few times. Then the "what is for lunch" started. Then a couple of hours later... "what is for lunch? "We already had lunch." "No we didn't". "Yes it was (whatever)" "oh yeah. Can I have an apple? (or whatever). Remember, this tended to be x2 or x3 at least. Then "what is for supper?". And honestly, I had probably been trying to figure that out in the back of my mind.... "do we have stuff for this? Maybe that, but then kid 2 and 3 won't eat. We could have option 3 that all the kids like, but then dh will be unhappy. Or option 4 but wd had that the other day..." It just seemed that no matter what I picked someone would be unhappy. So the question made me mad inside. And as others have said, to the kids it was either idle curiosity or hunger.... and if the idle curiosity was while they were supposed to be doing school work... argh!

 

Then I was starting to try to watch my food, and dh was put on a low-sodium diet and Boom! It was like 24 hours a day was about food. So when my dh (who at one point liked to cook) was home all day I passed the food job to him. It isn't perfect, but it saved my sanity.

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

[LucyStoner]

I would be annoyed if a child who could read asked me this while at home. The week's menu is on the wall in the hall.  I am not annoyed if people ask away from home or if people who can't read ask.  While I did not sign a contract to cook dinner, it's a role I fill.  

 

The menu is based on what we have, sales and input from everyone who lives here.  Each boy has a night where it's mainly their choice.  Mainly, because it has to fit the budget and include two vegetable items.  

[MirandaH]

It bothers me, because the answer to the question shouldn't fucking matter. Whether I tell you it's lasagne, or chicken, or soup, or leftovers, or takeout, or that I have no idea....ultimately it is a nonsensical question because SOMETHING will be for dinner, and you asking me implies that you are curious if you will LIKE what's for dinner or not, and that you will have a choice in whether or not you eat it.  It also assumes that I am the only one who us capable of putting food on the table. So, if you want something in particular, make it yourself, or say nothing at all and just wait until "dinner's ready! Go wash your hands!" is called out to you. Just be thankful for food. 

[Shoeless]

Wow; a bold entry to the forum. 

Also, Zombie thread. Maybe brains should be for dinner. 

Edited February 7, 2021 by MissLemon