Dress code at work is t-shirts, help!

[Janeway]

My husband has never been a t-shirt kind of guy. He will wear plain t-shirts around the house, but I have never in my life, outside of a fundraiser, seen him wear a print t-shirt. He wore one when doing the boy scouts, for the meetings. He also wore one when doing some volunteer work where all the dads had matching t-shirts. Other than that, never. Has never happened. He would never do it willingly.

 

His new job has a casual work environment. There has actually been three calls, at least, that I know of, to remind him of this, including an email with a link to a place that carries print t-shirts for him to buy to wear to work. They are not customer facing, so this is not about the customer seeing what he is wearing. But my husband is completely not comfortable in print t-shirts. I never have been. Neither of us wears them. We are both heavy set people, gravitationally loved (gravity loves us so much, it is practically an obsession) and t-shirts are not our thing, neither of us. I dress casual, knit tops without collars all the time. But my husband usually has either a button up collared shirt or a polo shirt. 

 

What is the compromise here? He does not want to go against what they clearly want to see, but he does not want to feel bad about himself. I know he feels very awkward about his body and trying to figure out a screen print shirt does not help this. 

 

edited to add: his new boss was wearing jeans and a Def Leopard t-shirt at the last interview

Edited June 2, 2017 by Janeway

[SKL]

Polo shirt should be fine.

[Rachel]

My husband would never wear a tshirt to work, for casual days he wears a polo.

 

Honestly, with everything you have posted about this job I just don't see it being the best fit. I know he has been unemployed for some time, but I don't think he should quit job hunting just yet.

[Julie Smith]

He can use my reason if anyone asks. 

 

For whatever reason when I'm doing work such as reading my t-shirt distracts me. So I spend all the time looking at my own chest, wondering whatever possessed me to wear 'this' when I knew I might try to read. I once even had a black hoodie with a white zipper. I couldn't contently read while wearing that thing. 

 

So that is a good reason why whatever he wears, it will have to be a solid dark color. 

[Tap]

Polo shirt would be fine. If anyone says anything to him, just have him reply....."this is my casual and what I am comfortable in".

[Crimson Wife]

Eddie Bauer has short-sleeve henley shirts. That's the kind of shirt DH wears on weekends if he's not in a polo. He's been a preppie dresser since high school and graphic T's are SO not his thing.

[winterbaby]

A link to a specific place to buy your clothes from certainly seems very.... something. I would be very uncomfortable - more uncomfortable than with a formal dress code because pressure to act fun! and hip! and casual! when what's really going on is that your behavior is being dictated in detail, is a bit creepy. Kind of like the "pieces of flair" Jennifer Aniston's character in Office Space had to wear to pretend to be thrilled by her job.

 

I would play along, while continuing to look for other work. I would not worry too much about physique issues if it's a bunch of IT guys among themselves. I'm not sure I would buy from the place they suggested. I guess it depends on the wording of all the messages but that's just awkward. Is it possible that, being IT guys, trying to tell him exactly what to wear is awkwardness on their part? Or are they the "cool" type of tech guys trying to signal to him that he better learn to act cool too? Both tendencies exist in the tech world and it's important to know which you're dealing with.

[bolt.]

I think he needs to comply with the dress code -- if they are mentioning it, it matters. If he is out-dressing a boss, his clothing choices are a very serious 'superiority move' and an implicit criticism. It's *not* a good move to spend the whole day whispering to your boss, "Your clothes are so unprofessional I really couldn't bring myself to wear them, even when you ask me to." Out dressing your boss is always foolish.

 

I think, probably, he can go with plain t-shirts (over def leopard ones) would be a fine choice. Choose a good fit and a thicker material that doesn't cling like an undershirt. He might find that he doesn't hate them so much if they aren't thin and tight.

 

In a few months, once first impressions are established and his boss knows him better I think he can transition back to some polos. For now... wear what is suitable for the office culture.

[Garga]

Can he wear a tshirt with a button down over it? The button down would be completely open, all the buttons undone. The men in my family who are self-consious about their weight do this. They look casual, can wear a graphic t, but feel covered.

 

The button-down would need to be casual, not a formal plain button-down.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Garga

[Garga]

On this page, the top picture has a guy in shorts with an orange tshirt and a blue button down on top. Casual, yet covered. http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/division.do?cid=5155&mlink=5151,11140339,Top_nav_M&visnav=1&clink=11140339

[Carol in Cal.]

I think a polo in that environment, particularly since a more casual expectation has been proactively conveyed, would look snotty.

 

I have two suggestions for you.

 

One is to get 3 black t shirts--just flat black, no pattern.  That's what Steve Jobs always wore, and it will send that signal in a tech company.

 

A good alternative or a variety play is to go to the Think Geek website and pick out something that expresses him, again in a dark background color.  For instance, there is a classic shirt they have that has the character for pi formed from the first 4000 numbers for pi.  Here it is:  http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/6e7e/?srp=1#tabs  This is good for that environment because it is a witty, geeky way to do graphics.  

 

Here is another excellent one for a computer guy:  http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/13ac/

 

Batman:  http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/15e1/

 

Star Wars/Beatles:  http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/jtin/

 

I *strongly* encourage you to encourage him to do something along these lines, since it's obviously a very important part of the company culture.

 

Edited June 2, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I think the very best thing he can do is arrange to meet privately with his boss, and express his concerns and hesitations about t-shirts.  If his boss says, "Too bad, buy some t-shirts" then you will have your answer.  Hopefully he will be more understanding than that.  

 

I like the unbuttoned shirt over t-shirt idea as well.  

[Garga]

If they've asked him to do this 3 times and sent a link, then he needs to wear the tshirt. As I said before, I think it'll be fine to have the button down overtop, but the quirky t-shirts is apparently a big thing there. I wouldn't ignore it.

 

It'll take time for them to get to you in the mail, so he'll need to order some soon. He can go to Kohls because I think they have some there. They did last time we checked a year ago.

 

Snorg tees has geeky tshirts as well and aren't paper thin:

 

https://www.snorgtees.com

Edited June 2, 2017 by Garga

[winterbaby]

I would NOT meet with the boss over this and make it a thing. The important thing is to make a judgment call whether these are cool people saying you better be cool like us or nerdy people going too far trying to reassure him that it's ok to be casual. If the former, you fall in line, because like the popular kids in high school, people like that can be ruthless. Neither type of people will probably account for the fact that "casual" often looks too casual on us larger people. But if they are the "cool" type that's just too bad because he has to do what they want, and if they are the truly nerdy type they don't care so he doesn't have to worry what he looks like. Err in favor of thicker shirts, more generous sizes, wear an undershirt. It may take some time to figure out what is going on with this. In the meantime err on the side of thinking these are cool people applying pressure, because it's the riskier thing to find out you were wrong about.

 

Go along to get along while discreetly staying active in the job market.

[teachermom2834]

My dh and I both have too much around the middle to feel comfortable in t-shirts. When one must be worn, for whatever reason, they look and feel better layered. Like a t-shirt over a thin undershirt. I know someone will point out that it is just adding fabric but it really feels like I am less exposed and have more coverage which makes me more comfortable.

 

I an absolutely bazaar suggestion, my dh that looks and feels bad in tshirts bought a couple at the beach that for whatever reason look so nice on him. I have no idea what is different about these tshirts but I have thought of trying to find them online and buy a supply. So maybe there is something to take time trying on a variety of tshirts?

[Word Nerd]

If the dress code is T-shirts, then he should wear T-shirts or at least a more casual henley or polo. I would absolutely not meet with the boss over this, which could make your DH seem like a drama queen.

[Carol in Cal.]

Right, buy a size too big so he gets a 'skim' rather than a 'bulging' look.

 

Also, if you travel, visit the museum shops of tech/science/natural history museums and buy a cool t there.  They usually have more of a selection than shows up on their websites.  Think Ms. Frizzle, geeky guy version.  Jellyfish t from an aquarium, periodic table T or chemical symbol for caffeine T from a science museum, or a Milky Way t with a 'you are here' arrow from a planetarium are all cool in that kind of environment, and because they don't have actual slogans on them, perhaps less distracting than you fear.

 

Then mix it up with a wilderness or wilderness protection one.  Like a John Muir saying on a mountain scene.

 

Edited June 2, 2017 by Carol in Cal.

[Carrie12345]

 We are both heavy set people, gravitationally loved (gravity loves us so much, it is practically an obsession) and t-shirts are not our thing, neither of us. I dress casual, knit tops without collars all the time. But my husband usually has either a button up collared shirt or a polo shirt. 

 

 

 

I'm feeling incredibly ignorant here, but I can't figure out how a t-shirt is so much different, fit-wise, from a polo or button up.  My... um... greatest mass is in the chest and tummy area.  I LIVE for sized-up t-shirts.  Doesn't a polo have the same basic shape, with thicker material and a collar?  Dh's seem to!  And a closed button up usually calls for tucking.  I refuse to ever tuck anything around my middle!!!

Edited June 2, 2017 by Carrie12345

[Carol in Cal.]

 

Snorg tees has geeky tshirts as well and aren't paper thin:

 

https://www.snorgtees.com

Really glad you posted this!  I usually don't wear t's anymore, but this site has me going 'hmmm'.

[happi duck]

Is it really the *dress code*? Or just an option?

 

Is it possible they have found it necessary to emphasize that t-shirts are acceptable because it's unusual?

[bettyandbob]

does he have to wear graphic tees?

 

For a bigger guy, I recommend the Duluth Trading Co. "long tail" tees. These would be plain, in a variety of colors. 

 

http://www.duluthtrading.com/search/searchresults/76020.aspx?kw=long%20tail%20tee%20shirt&processor=content 

[zoobie]

The hoodie suggestion is good. It may make him feel more "dressed" than not. I wouldn't wear a collared shirt on the first day if they've emailed that many times about it. Once he gets there, he may find untucked polos are acceptable, but I wouldn't go in all buttoned up on the first day.

 

Also, they make compression shirts for men to wear as undershirts. My DH likes them under sloppy tees when he's having to do something like a charity tennis tournament or running where he has to wear a team/event shirt. You can find them at Marshalls/TJ Maxx or sporting goods stores. They're not as firm as Spanx for women, but it gives some support and the t-shirt fabric skims over them. Target has thicker graphic tees and solid tees.

Edited June 2, 2017 by zoobie

[maize]

Agree with others that polo shirt should be acceptably casual.

[Carol in Cal.]

Is it really the *dress code*? Or just an option?

 

Is it possible they have found it necessary to emphasize that t-shirts are acceptable because it's unusual?

No, no, no.  It's clearly the norm.  It's clearly the company culture.  

[Ravin]

Polos or Hawai'ian shirts should be fine for casual.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Polo would work.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

My husband's employer allows them to wear casual.  So some do wear graphic ts.  I bought him a couple of fun ones, but he rarely wears them.  He wears his polos and khakis.  It's like the IT uniform..  LOL

 

 

[Plink]

Agreeing that the button-down open over the tee sounds like a good compromise.  This site has tees made specifically for larger men: https://chubstr.com/big-tall/clothes/shirts/casual-shirts/t-shirts/duke-plus-check-shirt-t-shirt-pack/

[gardenmom5]

I agree with polo's. I agree with continuing to look and interview with other jobs  - as this doesn't sound like that great of a fit if they are being that dictatorial about what he wears.

 

thinkgeek has some fun graphic ts.

and there are good IT based graphic ts' out there.  earlier in her career - dd bought one for what to do if the server is down.   . . .  commit seppuku was the winner.

 

https://www.zazzle.com/the_server_is_down_commit_seppuku_t_shirt-235874396095602205

[happi duck]

No, no, no. It's clearly the norm. It's clearly the company culture.

To me "dress code" is you'll be asked to change if you break it and not just company culture.

 

If the rule is tshirts *only* then that is way more rigid than any dress code DH has experienced.

 

That would bug me.

[ashfern]

I don't wear graphic t-shirts anymore. I do wear solid color t-shirts. Most comfortable and last forever are from Old Navy.

[Cinder]

When ds had his first in-person interview for his tech job he wore a suit. He was told he didn't have to come in a suit; they usually wear tshirts to work. But they did appreciate that he was showing a certain level of seriousness about the position. For his next in-person he wore the polo/khaki combo and again was told they usually wear tshirts. He thinks they were just trying to reassure him that there wasn't a dress code because they knew his previous position was at a place that did have a dress code.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

Buy some t-shirts. Don't talk to the boss about it. It's clearly important to the company if they have emailed multiple times. Darker colors can help hide any body shape concerns.

[Guest]

Usually people wear giveaway tshirts from conferences or something related to hobbies. They don't all have graphics spread all over the front. You can probably thift shop some if asking around doesn't work.

[solascriptura]

I would just seek out some better quality t shirts. They all fit differently. Size up too.

[Guest]

I don't understand. His boss told him thrice he needs to wear and he doesn't want to???

 

Dude. Wear the T-shirt. No one looks their best in stop sign red. No one. But every one on target wears it.

[Lanny]

Late dear friend was very obese. He wore Black a lot. Apparently that makes one look thinner?  The DH of the OP has received this message multiple times. He must dress like they do or else...

[bettyandbob]

I also would not ignore multiple emails saying to wear t shirts and show up in a polo. I'd get a couple t shirts to wear and try to figure out if I could get away with a polo AFTER I started working. 

 

 

[Word Nerd]

does he have to wear graphic tees?

 

For a bigger guy, I recommend the Duluth Trading Co. "long tail" tees. These would be plain, in a variety of colors. 

 

http://www.duluthtrading.com/search/searchresults/76020.aspx?kw=long%20tail%20tee%20shirt&processor=content 

 

My DH likes these too.

[Carol in Cal.]

To me "dress code" is you'll be asked to change if you break it and not just company culture.

 

If the rule is tshirts *only* then that is way more rigid than any dress code DH has experienced.

 

That would bug me.

After THREE emails about it, I would say--rigid and basically required.

[Joules]

If it's all about quirky, thinkgeek (and other geeky companies) have polos, too.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/clothing/polos-button-ups/

He can be comfortable but not "serious."

The SHIELD Response Team button-up could go over a black T, for example.

[marbel]

They said t-shirts, get t-shirts, not polos.   What is the difference with regard to fit?  I don't see them as any different.

 

Thicker, high quality t-shirts will look better.  

 

It's a weird requirement, and maybe should have been mentioned before the offer.  Though I can't imagine they would see any problem with requiring people to wear t-shirts.  But anyway, it is a requirement and not one that is hard to meet. 

[Hilltopmom]

Lands end or llbean tees are thick & hold up well, solid plain colors. Much nicer than thin stretchy ones

[Garga]

At this point, I wouldn't be sure if the emails are meant to reassure me, "Look, we're casual, so don't go out and buy fancy clothes," or if the emails are meant to instruct me, "You MUST wear a tshirt."

 

This would be my plan:

 

1. Buy enough tshirts to get through the first week, and undershirts so that body parts aren't poking through the fabric (n!pples, rolls.)

2. Keep the tags on all of them except one for the first day of work.

3. Buy enough button downs to wear over the tshirts to feel better about his looks.

4. Keep the tags on all of them except one for the first day of work.

5. Go to work in the tshirt and button down. If he gets there and feels like he's being the odd guy out being the ONLY person who isn't wearing ONLY a tshirt, he can take off the button down.

6. If he gets to work and half the people are in tshirts, but there are also polo shirts and button downs and all these emails were only meant to reassure and not instruct, then he can return some of the stuff he bought.

[Zinnia]

Carhartt t-shirts are thick and cut for larger men. They come in basic, solid colors.

[Jenny in Florida]

His new job has a casual work environment. There has actually been three calls, at least, that I know of, to remind him of this, including an email with a link to a place that carries print t-shirts for him to buy to wear to work. 

 

Honestly, that strikes me as just . . . odd. (The repeated calls, not the casual environment.)

[Farrar]

I also can't quite imagine a work environment where quirky T-shirts are specifically required. What's he been wearing? I would assume that he was already wearing polos if he's a person who typically dresses up but was told to be casual. If he's been wearing a button down shirt and tie, then I could see that it could be making everyone uncomfortable that he's so out of sync with the work environment (though that many calls about it still strikes me as a little odd). But if it's been that many calls and he's already wearing casual pants and polo type shirts, then I'm baffled. That's an incredibly odd dress code.

 

Still, he was out of work for a spell, right? Buy some T-shirts and layer them if they're not thick enough material. Either put a partially buttoned casual button up over it or stick undershirts under them. If they *must* be graphic... surely there's something he's into? Sports? A TV show? There's a T-shirt for all things. If it just needs to be T-shirts, get some plain ones and be done with it.

[winterbaby]

I also can't quite imagine a work environment where quirky T-shirts are specifically required. What's he been wearing? I would assume that he was already wearing polos if he's a person who typically dresses up but was told to be casual. If he's been wearing a button down shirt and tie, then I could see that it could be making everyone uncomfortable that he's so out of sync with the work environment (though that many calls about it still strikes me as a little odd). But if it's been that many calls and he's already wearing casual pants and polo type shirts, then I'm baffled. That's an incredibly odd dress code.

 

Still, he was out of work for a spell, right? Buy some T-shirts and layer them if they're not thick enough material. Either put a partially buttoned casual button up over it or stick undershirts under them. If they *must* be graphic... surely there's something he's into? Sports? A TV show? There's a T-shirt for all things. If it just needs to be T-shirts, get some plain ones and be done with it.

 

I can easily imagine it. Corporate America is ridiculous, and often a small company is more ridiculous than a large one because the idiosyncrasies of the people in charge get inflated. The quirky graphic tee thing is about reflecting their cultural self-image back to them, probably. That kind of outlook can be every bit as tyrannical, in its way, as the old gray flannel suit. In that context a conventional "business casual" polo and khakis would come over not as casual, but as horribly square and uncool. This is more about style and cultural affiliation than about a straight casual vs. formal thing.

 

I missed whether OP's husband had started yet. I think most of us have been assuming he's not yet started. I think he has to go along anyway, but if he already started and this is feedback about his choices so far, that goes doubly.

 

[Farrar]

I can easily imagine it. Corporate America is ridiculous, and often a small company is more ridiculous than a large one because the idiosyncrasies of the people in charge get inflated. The quirky graphic tee thing is about reflecting their cultural self-image back to them, probably. That kind of outlook can be every bit as tyrannical, in its way, as the old gray flannel suit. In that context a conventional "business casual" polo and khakis would come over not as casual, but as horribly square and uncool. This is more about style and cultural affiliation than about a straight casual vs. formal thing.

 

I missed whether OP's husband had started yet. I think most of us have been assuming he's not yet started. I think he has to go along anyway, but if he already started and this is feedback about his choices so far, that goes doubly.

 

 

Square and uncool... and bad for your long term prospects there... that I can easily imagine. I've known people working at start ups where that was the typical way to dress. But at least three phone calls about the dress code? It still strikes me as a little odd. Then again, companies have always been ridiculous. When I was a kid, I remember talking to a parent who had worked at IBM who said they measured their mustaches at one point - or maybe it was their beards? Anyway, companies are bonkers.

[Annie G]

I learned something new here today. Dh works in a pretty casual environment (jeans or khaki pants, polo shirt or a nice t shirt) but there are a few women who like to dress way nicer than the dress code. Nobody gives them any flack about it even though they are often wearing heels and a dress in a test lab. Dressing better than the official dress code hasn't ever been an issue. But I guess in some places it is. Who knew?!