How do you react to "milestone" birthdays?

[VeteranMom]

My sister turned 50 today.  She called me this morning, crying.  She said she's "old and fat" and hates her job. I tried to encourage her to make changes if she's not happy.  She thinks it's too late to make changes.  Just wondering how others react to getting older?  Do you look back more than forward?  My sister is looking back on her life and regretting so many mistakes.  I don't look at her life that way.  Heck, she's 50 and her 2 kids are grown, out of the house, and self reliant.  She's got 1 grand baby and another one on the way.  Hopefully, I made her feel better and she can find some joy in the day.    

[Guest]

I react like YAY! PRESENTS!

 

I hope your sis feels better.

[marbel]

I'm happy to reach all those milestone birthdays. 

 

I might have cried over them at times.  I guess I might have cried on turning 40 and not having any kids yet.  But I haven't since then.  For one thing, there are people older than me who might not take too kindly to hearing me moan about turning 60 and my life being over, when they are pushing 70 or whatever.   I admit to getting frustrated with women I know who cry about turning 30 and getting old, especially when they are happily married and have little kids, a college education, a house and all that jazz... cry me a river, baby.  Your future's so bright, but you can't even see it through your tears.

 

Sorry.  I also hope your sister feels better. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think...eh..another year; what should I order for my birthday present!!

 

 

[catz]

Really, what is the alternative to growing older?  You might as well enjoy every day you're given.  I just had a birthday.  Yay - a reason for celebration and gifts and cake with my family!  What could be better?

 

Might your sister have over arching depression or do you think this will be a one day blip on her radar? 

[JustEm]

I turn 30 in July. I wouldn't think it was a milestone but every friend of mine who as already turned 30 within the last year has been slightly sad about it. They act like they are now old and that the fun of their youth is gone. I do the same things as I did while in college just not as frequently. I have more freedom because my finances are better now then when I was in college. I don't understand why they are upset.

 

I'm excited to be 30 just like I'm excited for every new age. Also I like getting presents

[Cinder]

🎂  A good excuse to eat cake for breakfast!

 

Actually I usually have birthday pie because I like it better than cake.

 

Other than that, no big deal really.

[nd293]

No parties or special gifts - that's not anything I'm interested in.

 

21 wasn't important to me - I was already an adult living on my own, no certificate of achievement required!

30 I had a 1 year old - wait? I had a birthday?

40 - I started preparing a year before. I made time for me. I did the book-a-week thing. I made stuff. I learned new things. 40 was when I figured out I was responsible for making myself happy and just did it.

45 - I've still got a few months left but I'm well ony way to stabilising my weight at a good healthy goal and I've done an outdoor exercise class (unbelievable for me) and I've taken to trundling around a field a few times a week in a manner that vaguely resembles jogging. 45 is going to be great!

 

In short - it's my choice how I react to milestone birthdays and I take them as an opportunity to get things done and make changes rather than focusing on the things I don't have or haven't done or the whole hourglass of time thing.

[theelfqueen]

I go to Disneyland.

 

No time to be distracted by dumb regrets -- all the time for Splash Mountain and Mickey.

 

[mamiof5]

I couldn't care less... it's just a number. I just tease about it, when I turned 30 I said I reached the 3rd floor, 40 will be the 4th floor etc (like an elevator).

I do have to say though, I get a little sad about how fast life goes. I don't necessarily get sad on my birthday, but I feel I age more in spring when 3 of our 5 kids have birthdays within 2 weeks, including our oldest who turned 20. I'm approaching my 40th, and I think a bit about it here and there, but not too much. I did struggle when oldest dd turned 20. Those 2 decades just went by too quickly :(

ETA: I forgot!!! Happy birthday to your sister!!! 🎂🎉🎈🎊

Edited June 7, 2016 by mamiof5

[regentrude]

Have party and do something special.

 

For DH's 50th we went backpacking in the Grand Canyon (although not on the actual date)

 

My 40th is not a good memory; we had a big party the night before and wanted to cut cake at midnight; by 10pm I had a high fever and chills, barely lasted to midnight, and spent my birthday and the next three days in bed with the flu. But we went hiking in the Alps anyway on day four, there.

 

ETA: I don't have trouble with birthdays. I feel good for my age.

Edited June 7, 2016 by regentrude

[purplejackmama]

I'll be 40 in October. Stay tuned, I'll let ya know how it goes.

[Guest]

I literally wake up in the middle of the night thinking, "Shit, i can't believe I'm almost 40". My life isn't where I hoped it would be and 40 feels so old.

[Annie G]

It's just another year to me. The only time it bothered me was when I turned 20 because I felt that was the age that meant I had to officially be an adult - no more using 'just a teenager' as an excuse. But that was 35 years ago...when I turned 55 this spring, it was no big deal. 

 

Dh was never bothered by milestone years. Oldest dd was- when she turned 30 she felt like life was passing too quickly and that she wasn't where she wanted to be. But now at 33 she's cool with it. 

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey

[patriciatx]

I like to have large parties with family and friends. Plus, GIFTS and CAKE!

[Ali in OR]

I guess it's a natural time to be reflective, but for the most part just be happy to have another year to celebrate. My sister is a cancer survivor (with a birthday coming up later this week). Having a close family member or friend who has been through that at way too young an age just makes you happy for every birthday you get--she loves birthdays now. I always treat myself a bit on my birthday--others might remember to do so as well, but even if they don't it helps make the day feel special. I had a chocolate milkshake on my 50th and it was lovely.

[MotherGoose]

I'm fairly okay with them. Perhaps some mid life crisis issues related to turning 40, but as I celebrated my 40th by finding out I was pregnant, it was okay.

[Happy]

Birthdays are a big deal to me.

 

My dad was buried on his 47th birthday. My mom passed at 55.

 

Losing them so young changed my perspectives on birthdays. I want as MANY as I can get. :) Since so many people in my family don't live to be out of their 50s, my current goal is to live to be 65. If I get more WooHoo! Next spring when I turn 60, I'm throwing a big party to celebrate.

 

Because our perspectives were changed early, DH and I have tried to live our lives in adventure mode whenever possible. We've traveled, started businesses, and always tried to live life today, not in the future. Do we have regrets? Sure, but they are not huge ones.

 

 

[edelweiss]

I never thought much about getting older until I was about 45. I'm 47 now and I really don't love getting older anymore. I find it depressing since all of the things I always looked forward to are in my past. There is nothing I'm looking forward to in the future, so it is taking a bit of adjustment to get used to that new reality. I don't discuss it in real life though. I just keep trudging along. I am very grateful that I've been able to travel where I've wanted and been able to do what I've wanted up until this point though. I don't feel like there is anything left that I really "have" to do. It is a good thing and a bad thing.

[Tita Gidge]

My sister turned 50 today.  She called me this morning, crying.  She said she's "old and fat" and hates her job. I tried to encourage her to make changes if she's not happy.  She thinks it's too late to make changes.  Just wondering how others react to getting older?  Do you look back more than forward?  My sister is looking back on her life and regretting so many mistakes.  I don't look at her life that way.  Heck, she's 50 and her 2 kids are grown, out of the house, and self reliant.  She's got 1 grand baby and another one on the way.  Hopefully, I made her feel better and she can find some joy in the day.    

 

I do get introspective on my birthdays, so I can see where your sister might be taking stock and feeling like she's coming up short(er than where she thought she'd be at this point).  I turn 40 this year and I am starting to feel my mortality. I swear just a year ago I was still invincible!

 

50 can be a pretty major milestone. Given that most people die before they're 100, it's a point some people realize that their life is more lived than yet-to-be lived. Happy and healthy people might view this through a different lens than someone who is already struggling with where her life is. In the latter the milestone is just one more reminder; it's not a catalyst itself.

 

You're a good friend and sister. It's why she called you when she needed to feel better! :001_wub:

[Joyofsixreboot]

Just another day. I do what I want whenever.

[Guest]

I haven't minded so far. (I am 45.) I was thrilled when I turned 30. I felt like, finally, people will take me seriously and believe I may know a thing or two. I was also at a very good sport financially, something that wasn't true in my early-to-mid twenties.

 

My SIL, though, was enormously unhappy to turn 30. She needed counseling.

 

When I turned 40, well, that was okay, too. It didn't bother me. The only thing that worried me was that I still wanted more kids and that possibility was slipping away. But I didn't have more kids and now I am fine with that and even happy about it. I would rather pour my energy into the kids I do have than wish for the unknown baby.

 

I am more bothered by limitations that actually happen than I am by a number on the calendar. So things like having less energy is not my favorite, or having unpredictable periods - not a barrel of monkeys. But that isn't something that abruptly turned up on a birthday, of course, so birthdays don't bother me per se.

[Guest]

The 50s are quite something--very different than the 40s and even more different than what I (or probably your sister) expected them to be.

 

There's probably more going on with her than a number and maybe more than she's capable of expressing with words.

 

You're a good sister. I'm glad you were able to listen and help her feel better about her birthday.

 

I miss my sister. She would have done the same for me if she were still alive.

Edited June 8, 2016 by Guest

[JennyD]

I had a lot of trouble with 40.  I kept thinking that the first half of my life was filled with such happy events, but the second half is going to be much sadder, because a lot of people I love very dearly are going to die.  I pulled out of my funk eventually, but it took a while.  I'm glad that your sister has you to talk with.  

[The Girls' Mom]

They never affected me much until this year.  Next year will be rough too.  My mom was 40 when she was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer.  She died at 41, just 6 months later.  

 

I turned 40 this year, and it kind of bothers me that next year I'll be as old as my mom ever was.  Plus, this year my babies turned 16 and became seniors in high school.  My oldest child turns 20 this year.  Just feeling a little old..lol.

 

But usually, I'm more of a "better than the alternative" kind of girl about birthdays.

[klmama]

The "big" numbers haven't bothered me.  A few of the in-between ones hit me harder.  I'm not sure why.   

[Catalytic]

Hubby couldn't care less about birthdays, and he was gone when he turned 50 this year, which irked me, because I wanted to celebrate.  When he got home, though, several nice presents and a $200 bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue were waiting for him.  We went out to a very nice dinner the night after he got home, as a belated joint celebration for his birthday and Mother's Day. 

[meena]

I'll be 40 in October. Stay tuned, I'll let ya know how it goes.

This year DH and I will both turn 40. I know he places more significance on getting older and milestone birthdays than I. He would like to go and do something special, but financially I don't know if we can swing it this year. For me, every birthday is worth celebrating, not just the ones that end in zero. I love getting older, so to me each year is better and better.

[meena]

Also, I think I'm more affected by my kids' milestone birthdays. I'm a strong believer in that saying about the days being long, but the years being short. I know I'll miss them a lot when they leave home, so each big birthday is a reminder of that.

[dirty ethel rackham]

It's not the number that bothers me.  30?  Fun.  40?  Too busy being a parent to notice that it was a "milestone" birthday.  50?  Too busy dealing with some major crises.  What does bother me is the symptoms of being older.  While I am fortunate to look younger than my age, my body tells me a different story.  The pain getting out of bed, having to get up at night to go to the bathroom, the knees that have hurt for so long and have limited me so much that I automatically reject certain activities out of hand (tennis?  running? jumping jacks?  Heck no!)  Now with my ankle injury and the severe limitations I have as I recover, I really sound like an old person.  I can't walk to church anymore (and we bought in this neighborhood partially for that reason). I can't walk the dog yet.  I have to chuck all of my shoes with heels.  I can't go into the city and park 5 blocks away anymore because of the stress on my foot. Yes, I know that it is supposed to improve, but I don't really expect it ever to be 100% ever again..  

 

I suppose it doesn't help that I am passionate about a sport that involves a lot of really fit people and I notice my limitations even more so.  I have a climbing partner talking about training for a marathon.  Heck, I am training to be able to take a basket of laundry up the stairs without passing out. 

[VeteranMom]

Really, what is the alternative to growing older?  You might as well enjoy every day you're given.  I just had a birthday.  Yay - a reason for celebration and gifts and cake with my family!  What could be better?

 

Might your sister have over arching depression or do you think this will be a one day blip on her radar? 

I think it's her job.  She is dealing with a lot of conflict constantly and I think she's burned out.  She's a paralegal for a big law firm and deals with family law.  She sees people at their worst and it weighs on her. 

[J-rap]

I'm okay with them.  I mean, I don't celebrate them as though they're the best things ever  :), but they don't depress me either.  I know they are just part of life.  50 is really not much different than 49 or 51.  Life goes on and we get older.  I do, now and then now, start to think I might run out of time to do the things I want to do since I'm in my 50's.  That is kind of a new feeling.  But it's not a depressing feeling;  it's more a slight feeling of urgency.

[Seasider]

Tell your sister that 50 is the new 30!!! With no kids to chase and chauffeur everywhere, perhaps she can remember a long ago dream - write a novel, earn a degree in a field she's passionate about, volunteer for a worthy cause?

 

There are times I take a few minutes and ponder misspent years of my youth, but truly, I am enjoying current new freedom to pursue things I've had to put on the back burner for the last two decades. Encourage her to be forward thinking and action oriented!

 

As for actual birthday celebrations, I do not like fanfare and being in the spotlight. I don't need fancy gifts. But I do value when my husband and kids remember and recognize these days by planning ahead how to do something nice together.

[Spryte]

I like birthdays. Cake. Fun. Presents. Mainly - Another year of possibilities!

 

I used to view them as just another day, but then I lost almost all of my 30s to a serious illness. I almost died a few times, and I really was not ready to leave my kids. At all. And, well, birthdays became something to celebrate. :) I'm grateful for every year now.

 

I was thrilled to turn 40, because I was in such a better place, health-wise, and I knew my 40s would be better.

 

45 is coming up soon. :)

[Guest]

(((Your sister))), OP.

 

Me, not such a big deal.  Well, OK, Estee Lauder made a lot of money off of me the year I turned 30.  The year I turned 40, I cleared out all my old make-up and 99% of all that I had bought was pretty much untouched.  

 

My mom told me many years ago that the year she turned 50 was the happiest day of her life.  She stopped caring as much about what people thought of her and did what she wanted to do (which she had pretty much done all along--she just stopped feeling bad about it) and started enjoying herself.  (She had always been athletic and loved being outdoors and adores football and that was a little odd for her day...but my dad loved her FOR it and that made a difference.  When she turned 50, she just stopped caring what anyone else thought of it.)

 

I wonder if her example/attitude did something to make me optimistic about the milestones.  

[Liz CA]

I am moving forward completing another degree because I did want a change in jobs. It's never too late. I believe this new and ambitious goal contributes to the wind under my wings. :)

[MaeFlowers]

It was kind of weird. When I turned 30, I was kind of depressed because my life had in no way turned out like I thought. I thought I had done things wrong and kind of wallowed in that.

I turned 40 last year. It didn't really bother me. I did realize I should have taken better care of myself when I was younger and felt a major urge to make life changes (which haven't happened yet.) I also started wondering what happened to my butt. Apparently, for me, turning 40=butt falling off.

[MistyMountain]

I guess I am kind of strange but I actually never liked getting older even as a kid I felt I was getting older too fast. I do feel like I have not accomplished what I wanted too.

[OhanaBee]

I've never minded them.  As many have pointed out, the alternative is worse!  My big plan is to go to WDW for my 50th.  Anyone and everyone is invited to come along.  But I am making plans that *I* want to make [after years of taking everyone else into consideration].  And I'm wearing the birthday pin with a big "I'M 50!!" on it. 

 

I've got three years to plan this trip and I've very much looking forward to it.

 

I think some people are just like that about birthdays, and there's probably a lot of different reasons for it. Honestly, dh has had issues with his birthdays since turning 28.  He thinks of them as a reminder that he hasn't been able to do everything he wants to do.  I just don't see it that way.  Another year older, another year wiser!  And I get cake!!

[lynn]

I'm ready for 50 with no regrets of the past. There maybe a few things I'd do differently but I won't dwell on them. I look forward to life part 2.

[mamiof5]

I'll be 40 in October. Stay tuned, I'll let ya know how it goes.

Me too!!!! 🎈🎉ðŸŽðŸŽŠ

[mamiof5]

This year DH and I will both turn 40. I know he places more significance on getting older and milestone birthdays than I. He would like to go and do something special, but financially I don't know if we can swing it this year. For me, every birthday is worth celebrating, not just the ones that end in zero. I love getting older, so to me each year is better and better.

Dh and I also turn 40 this year. How funny! :)

[Night Elf]

I cried when I turned 25 because I was a quarter of a century old. I'll probably cry on my 50th as well. Half a century seems so long to me. Despite not being able to do anything about it, I don't like it. Birthdays are stupid, IMHO. In my family, the only thing we do to celebrate is go out to eat and we do that all the time so it's not something really special. We buy cake and pie any time too so that's not special. We don't do presents because we buy what we want when we want it throughout the year so busting my brain to come up with a surprise is hard. (This goes for Christmas as well, actually.) There is nothing forward to look forward to except getting older. I can ignore my own age, and do that, but watching my kids age is what makes me feel old.

[wintermom]

I can understand your sister's reaction. I think it's actually pretty normal. Even people who are usually very positive, capable and have achieved a lot can get those pangs of negativity. She'll probably snap out of it quickly and get back to normal. She may purchase something expensive or something less expensive but just makes a statement. 

 

My dh bought a little trailer (he really wanted a pick-up truck and this was cheaper), our accountant was just telling us he bought a sports car, my dad bought a sports car. Both sports cars were sold again after a few months or years. We still use our trailer. It was actually a really great purchase! ;)

[KungFuPanda]

I actually felt younger and healthier at 40 than I did in my late twenties when I was nursing a baby, chasing a preschooler, and perpetually sleep deprived. Couple that with being a person who isn't really interested in celebrating birthdays beyond choosing dinner, and the milestone ones really meant nothing to me. I keep thinking the next big birthday will be the one that gets to me, but so far 20, 30, and 40 haven't really made me feel anything unusual. Maybe it's because my birthday is at the end of March and I'm pretty busy that time of year?

[freeindeed]

I felt "old" and a little sad when I turned 30, but I partied anyway. My family threw me an 80's themed party and we had a blast! I felt young and free when I turned 40. It didn't bother me a bit. I'm loving my 40's so far (I'm 41 now.) I really have figured out who I am now. I'm not afraid of what other people think. I enjoy life more and make time to do the things that I want to do. I'm braver now. Here's to (hopefully) turning 50 in nine years!!!

 

Edited June 12, 2016 by freeindeed

[TravelingChris]

I don't really care about milestone birthdays.  Birthdays are just fun celebrations where I get gifts, eat nice food and have family tell me they love me.  All good and I am always happy that I got to live one more year.  When you have several chronic illnesses that carry additional risks of dying, every year lived is a good year.

[Laurie4b]

I think your sister's reaction is certainly within the normal range. It is normal to have regrets; having regrets is part of the process of reflection/evaluation, which is a good thing to do.. Dwelling on regrets isn't helpful, but acting on them is. An apology might be an appropriate reaction for some regrets. Others may be along the line of griefs or sorrows, which every person has. Still others can be acted on. 

 

Her expression about the future, OTOH, is not going to be helpful to her. 50 is certainly not too late. It is not too late to get in shape; in fact, if a person is not in shape at age 50, it's a good time to say to oneself, "This is it. No more latitude to fool around." And by "in shape" I don't mean a certain weight, but eating well, exercising, etc. Exercise is really the fountain of youth. Aerobic exercise sets off neurogenesis in the brain (ie prompts the creation of NEW neurons) as well as helping the cardiovascular system. Strength training, balance, and flexibility exercises equip us to stay out of assisted living as long as possible. (Not being able to get on and off the potty alone is the #1 reason people need assisted living. That is essentially a squat exercise. Falls can be prevented with balance exercises and strength training, etc. Skin looks better. Mood is better. 

 

And there have been many people who have achieved great things in the last 1/2 or even last 1/4 of their lives.