If your kids don't have real pajamas/ wear thrift store clothes

[Junie]

When I lived in California, we lived in SoCal, yes. People commented. Only poor people had thrift-store clothes. "Where did you get that, Goodwill?" Uh.

 

However, prior to that and ever since, I've lived in the Northwest and no, it's not a stamp of poverty, not here. Most kids come over with thrift-store clothing. People will even tell you they got something at Value Village when you compliment their work wardrobe. Like, at work.

 

So I guess it depends on the culture. I've been told again and again "Oh not all Californians are like that" but honestly that was my experience. From primary (3rd) through part of eighth grade. We lived in Orange County and there's a lot of poverty there and a lot of money. We have money up here but nothing like they have in California. They have so much money they put up gates up to keep poor people out. I'm forever traumatized by the brand consciousness and the gates. Well, trauma isn't the right word. I will never really get over it and I could never imagine living there again. It creeps me out. And then you can't even drink from the water fountains. To me it's just a whole different idea of what it means to be in a "nice place" or "have nice things". Clearly we have different values from the people making decisions there.

 

My kids have "real" PJs that I got as hand-me-downs and some that were bought with credit card rewards. They mainly sleep in their clothes for tomorrow, though.

 

My kids' pajamas are their clothes for tomorrow.   :lol:

 

I buy new pajamas for my kids, but they live in them.  If I tell the kids to get dressed, they ask, "Where are we going?"  I buy some of their other clothes new and some at yard sales or consignment sales.

 

Growing up, my sister and I wore boys' pajamas.  Because we got them free/almost free.  My step-grandmother's cousin-in-law worked at a pajama factory and was able to get us "seconds".  I am wearing football pajamas in almost all of the Christmas morning photos.  Were we poor?  Not exactly.  I would say lower-middle class.  But my mom is frugal, and she saw this as a way to save money that could be used on something else.

[NatureMomma]

Nm

Edited April 23, 2016 by NatureMomma

[AmandaVT]

Our thrift stores here are terrible - I used to go to thrift and consignment stores in the area, but the selection was bad and the prices were too. We did buy a great used teakettle once though. :-) I usually wait until Lands End or Old Navy has a 40% off sale and buy then. And I have a couple of friends with kids 2 years older than DS which makes for perfect hand me downs! 2/3 of his stuff was hand me downs until recently. And then I either sell his used things on a local facebook group or hand them down to a friend with a son who's always 1 size smaller than DS. Works out pretty well. 

 

I don't think it's a sign of poverty to wear used clothing. I wish our thrift/consignment stores were better so we could get more used. I have a friend who lives in KY and they have these huge, amazing sounding consignment sales every year for kids. She gets whole outfits for under a dollar usually. I'm so jealous!

[chiguirre]

If you're going to buy a significant amount of clothing at thrift stores, much of it will not be the latest style, the colors will not be the brightest, the fabrics won't be the most pristine, and yes, sometimes my kids stuff even has small holes in it. 

Walmart sells boys t-shirts for $3 as their regular price. They're not fancy but they wash well. I get twill pull on shorts for Geezle at Target when they're on sale for $5. You can even get polos for $5 at Walmart. Seriously, I can outfit a boy for about $100 and my sons were HARD on clothes.

 

For Trinqueta I used to buy used Gymboree on ebay. Now, she's an athleisure wearer (C9 from Target). She plays tennis three days a week and works out on the others and doesn't want to bother changing her clothes.

[eternalsummer]

When I shopped the cheaper thrift stores (provided you only bought the half off colors, which I did, or went on I think Sundays when a certain color tag was .25 (twenty five cents!), which I did), nothing cost more than $1 and was very often less or much less.  

 

It takes a lot of time, though, to weed through the sale racks in a thrift store and find the hidden gem. :)  When we were poor I could never pay $3 for a shirt or $5 for shorts/pants.  

 

We had really good local thrift stores where I lived, though.  Lots of middle/upper-middle class people living nearby who went through clothes fast :)

[rocassie]

Two of my kids like PJ's, especially the fleece ones for winter.  I get them either thrift shop or end of season sales (I will buy big).  My oldest just wants to wear whatever clothes she wants to wear the next day.  Changing is apparently to much work.  :)  As for me, I like PJ's, especially summer PJ's which are to thin for typically clothing.  Winter I usually just have comfy pants and a long sleeve T-shirt, but summer it's PJ's all the way.

[EmseB]

I agree with OkBud. I mean, I never wore stuff from the thrift store, we weren't poor, pretty solid middle class, but I still didn't fit in at school and had a fairly bad time through jr high. It could have been about thrift store clothes, but it wasn't. I don't think, as parents, we should have guilt over things like other kids making fun of standards that are just...unreasonable. Trying to raise kids so they don't get made fun of by nasty people for ridiculous things like what year a sweatshirt is from will drive us all mad.

[FaithManor]

Dd preferred yoga pants and long t shirts, the boys where tees and shorts.

[JustEm]

Yea a $3 Walmart shirt is not appealing to me if I can get a $2 children's place shirt that I know will be able to be handed down to the next boys. But I'm in an area that there are tons of good quality kids clothes that you really need to spend a ton of time. Adult clothes take Time to find gems.

 

The thrift stores did try to raise prices once and it backfired entirely. The poorer families couldn't afford it and the frugal families just went to consignment shops where the bad clothes were weeded out. They quickly lower their prices

[pinkmint]

I agree with OkBud. I mean, I never wore stuff from the thrift store, we weren't poor, pretty solid middle class, but I still didn't fit in at school and had a fairly bad time through jr high. It could have been about thrift store clothes, but it wasn't. I don't think, as parents, we should have guilt over things like other kids making fun of standards that are just...unreasonable. Trying to raise kids so they don't get made fun of by nasty people for ridiculous things like what year a sweatshirt is from will drive us all mad.

 

I agree and personally, this is one of the many reasons I'm glad we've decided to homeschool. A good chunk of peer nit-picking about stuff like this won't be there. I'm not even sure why I started this thread, lol. I don't really care about keeping up with the Jonses. I guess I just wonder how others see it. And I do wonder if I'm lightly traumatizing my kids by the quality of clothing I'm providing for them but there's probably nothing but pointless anxiety that can come out of that. 

[TrixieB]

One of my kids wears "real" pajama shorts.  All the rest of the sleepwear are items not sold as sleepwear.

 

And they wear thrift store clothes.  I'm not going to pay $70 for an Express shirt when I can buy it looks-like-new at Value Village for $10.  One of my kids is forever begging to go there... never know when you'll score another pair of barely worn Doc Martens for a fraction of the cost of new.

[waa510]

Yep.  I grew up in Connecticut and the attitude was very similar. 

 

My mother was too horrified at the thought of thrift stores, but she couldn't afford more than Kmart.  I remember being worried to hell I'd see someone from school there.  Of course now I realize that is rather silly because if they saw me I also saw them!

 

I don't feel traumatized by that though.

 

:iagree:  Grew up in CT as well and that was totally my experience. When my parents divorced and we had to shop at the cheaper places around, I was so worried someone would notice. They usually did and I was teased quite a bit about it. My mom also garnered lots of sympathy about the $$ issue in the divorce by telling everyone about her poor, helpless kids having to wear thrift store clothes...

 

 

ETA: Instead of pajamas, my kids wear Dh and I's old college frat/sorority t-shirts and t-shirts Dh gets from all the races or runs he does. I get pj pants for them from Goodwill or the thrift shop. Any pajama sets that they own were gifted to us from MIL or hand-me-down sets from friends. I don't think pajama sets are a sign on poverty...just different priorities.

Edited April 24, 2016 by waa510

[Joyofsixreboot]

My kids tend to sleep in whatever. I don't have new clothes or pj's and I'm not traumatized. Judging by most kids who stay here pj's stop about age 8 anyway. Shorts and t-shirts seem to predominate.

[J-rap]

I buy my kids cute pajamas, but they still sleep in thrift store leggings and big T-shirts!

[Runningmom80]

My boys sleep in boxers and hanes tees.  I certainly hope they don't think we live in poverty.  I've also bought second hand.  Not tons, but I'm not opposed to it.  I'm just too lazy right now.

 

We are middle or upper middle class depending on the criteria.

[basketcase]

Pajamas are just more clothes to wash.

[Um_2_4]

My kids wear pjs just because I can't stand the idea of wearing the same clothes they have been playing/eating in all day to bed. Now those PJs are usually capris and cute tee/tanks for the girls and shorts/tee for the boys. Sweats in winter time (in CA that means it drops below 55F at night :lol: ). Although at <5 yo I usually buy the cute carter PJs.

 

And I use coupons and end of season sales to get cheap name brand clothes (I bought DD9's last winter wardrobe from Gymboree for <$100). I don't shop thrift as they cost more $$ since certain groups made that the "in" place to shop. 

[kirstenhill]

My kids wear a lot more actual "pajamas" in the winter -- living in a cold northern climate in an old drafty house = cold at night.  So all the kids still prefer footie sleepers or at least warm fleece shirt/pants in the winter.  Summer PJs tend to be stretchy shorts and old t-shirts or "free" t-shirts from various events the kids have participated in.  The boys always get their clothes dirty during the day, so I like them to put something clean on before bed.  I guess they could wear the next day's clothes in the summer, but the next day's clothes might not be warm enough in the winter.

 

We thrift store shop not because we couldn't afford to do otherwise, but I guess we would rather spend the money on other things.  There are plenty of great thrift stores here and I try to go on holiday sale days where everything is 50% off.   I find lots of cute, unusual dresses and skirts for DD (who much prefers dresses and skirts/leggings to jeans and a t-shirt)...and the boys just want athletic pants and t-shirts.   We find some t-shirts at the thrift store, or buy funny or character t-shirts at Target when they are on sale.  I can often get the athletic pants for $2-$4 on sale days, so I just buy a bunch and then I don't sweat it when they ruin them with holes and mud.  :lol:

 

ETA:  If we didn't homeschool it might be different.  I remember only having enough money for Kmart clothes growing up when all my friends classmates (hard to call them friends -- I had few actual friends in elementary) had brand name, super expensive jeans from the department store.   I literally had a girl ask me, as a 5th grader new to a school, how many pairs of Guess jeans I owned.  When I said I didn't own any, she said, "Oh, I guess I can't be friends with you then." And she refused to ever speak to me after that.  If my kids went to a school where they were mocked for not having brand name clothes, I would probably at least consider finding a way to get them some...even if they were used.  I am not sure any of my kids would care though.  My daughter has a totally different sense of style than all her friends and seems to like it that way.

Edited April 24, 2016 by kirstenhill

[MamaBearTeacher]

Your kids are so little that they could care less where you buy their clothes. As long as they are made to feel proud about themselves and their clothes they will. Little kids want clothes with cute characters and shiny, colorful things. They would prefer something like that from the thrift store to something plain from the most expensive designer stores. As for pyjamas, they are sleeping while they wear them! That being said I generally find pyjamas cheaper than the non-pyjama counterparts. I do find it very hard to find cotton pyjamas for boys. The ones at Walmart are gone within three weeks after they put them out and then they don't replace their stock. The Children's Place are selling less cotton pyjamas and are often out. I don't like buying clothes online.

 

I had never heard of thrift stores as a teen and discovered them later. I don't associate them with poverty. Last spring I could not find rubber boots anywhere for DS. This is another item that Walmart orders only a certain amount and does not replenish!? I looked at 3 Walmarts and 5 other stores. Finally, I went to a little thrift store and they just happened to have a good pair in his size. Also, this winter DS12 needed shirts. I went through the whole mall and only found one that was not completely ugly, a plain red t-shirt for $18. Then I went to the thrift store and got 4 Children's Place shirts in really nice colors and in perfect condition for $8. It took much less of my time too. The thrift store is small so it doesn't take half an hour to walk through it and I can find clothes for the whole family. I can also find books, toys, games, craft supplies etc. It is ethical and environmental friendly too. I have had to develop an eye for finding things and their prices have really gone up recently but they are a really smart place to shop.

 

When your kids become teens they might not want clothes from the thrift store, or they might. You might have to spend more in the teen years.

[catz]

LOL - I wear junky t-shirts as pajamas and shop thrift sales all the time.  We have a 6 figure income.  My kids also have nice dress clothes and shoes (usually bought on sale).

 

I usually won't spend much on pajamas, but I go overboard getting cute ones at Christmas.  My son is walking around in elf boxers right now.  ;)

[Arcadia]

My oldest does not like the elastic in pajamas so the ones we bought for him gets donated new but washed to friends. He sleeps in khaki pants and polo shirts :lol:

My youngest used to like the one piece footed pajamas. Now he prefers polo shirts and jeans to sleep in.

The good thing is if they overslept for a morning outside class, we can just dash out and eat breakfast in the car.

 

Pajamas sets for kids were $4 at Target for Black Friday.

[Tap]

LOL.....well in my house, this question has a bit of irony attached.

 

I don't wear pajamas, I wear boot cut yoga pants and men's Ambercrombie sweatshirts.  LOL  I don't know which category that puts me in.  Am I white trash because I don't own PJs, or affluent (with no social conscious) because I shop at Ambercrombie. I sleep downstairs and everyone else sleeps upstairs. They all like to sleep colder than I do, so even in summer, I sleep in a sweatshirt. There is something about their fabric blend that keeps me from getting overheated, but sill helps me sleep warm.

 

 

DD9 Sleeps in athletic tanks, and Soffe shorts (among other things) or a nightgown.

DD17 sleeps in souvenir/cheer/school T-shirts and shorts.

DS21 and DH sleep in flannel bottoms. 

 

I think everyone has 'official PJS' except for me, but they are not worn often.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Tap

[mamiof5]

We usually don't discuss were do our clothes come from. We do buy new...when on sale and cheaper than used (some of our Goodwills have very unrealistic prices). We get lots of hand me downs from friends, and we truly appreciate them. We are not rich or poor...kind of in the middle. I don't mind getting hand me downs, the least I have to spend on clothes the better :)

[KungFuPanda]

Clothes are like cars. Once you wear them once they're not "new" anymore. I say thrift away! I TRY to buy my DH and kids pajamas and they will not wear them. DH, DS, and dd all sleep in t-shirts and undies. They all get dressed first thing. They're weirdos. I love pjs!

[theelfqueen]

I buy pajamas for my kids. I love pajamas. Pajamas are like joy made of fabric (for me)... soft and cozy.

 

I don't judge people who don't buy pajamas - your bed, your business ... except perhaps a certain someone in my life who would make an extraordinarily big deal about why her kids do NOT have pajamas because of XYZ and blah blah... Dear certain someone, I am honestly not concerned why your kids don't have pajamas but I am concerned that they seem not to ever have TOOTHBRUSHES when they come to my house. EVER. ANY OF THEM. But I AM working on being less judgemental of certain-someone and trying to think charitably about certain-someone.

Edited April 24, 2016 by theelfqueen

[KungFuPanda]

Even though I professed my love for pjs, I have to own up to sleeping in the same 90s issue Army t-shirts for over twenty years. They're comfy and apparently last forever.

[shawthorne44]

I think the trauma comes not from used clothing, but forcing the kid to have/wear clothing that wouldn't choose because it is out of style.  As a kid, my mother's taste was about 10 years out of date.  So, the clothes she picked out at thrift stores was about 10 years out of date.  Those were also the clothes in abundance at the thrift stores.  Late elementary I figured out that I stood in a certain way the clothing would hang funny and I'd say "It doesn't fit" if I didn't like it.  Got easier when I started to get breasts.  Then used clothing was fine. 

[Lizzie in Ma]

My girls love thrift shopping, we just went for a day of it last week. (Best score of the day was a pair of vintage, pink, high top Van's.)   Pajamas, not so much, oldest wears boxers and a t-shirt and youngest wears pajama pants and tanks, generally from Target or Walmart. 

Worst thing from hand me downs and thrift shopping, pants never fit.  I will never, ever forget the first time I took my youngest to get new jeans at Walmart and she tried them on and asked my if they were supposed to be this long!  All the hand me downs were from kids shorter than she so they were never long enough.

[DawnM]

Oldest has PJ bottoms because someone gave us about 8 pair.  He wears them around the house instead of sweats.  Otherwise he wouldn't have any.

 

Other boys wear just underwear to bed.  

 

I still get what I can from the thrift store, second hand, etc....but it is harder and harder as they get older to find things.  And they all like the jeans with some lycra/give to them now, which I fully understand, and they are hard to find in the thrift store.

 

So, we hit sales, get things little by little, and make do.  

 

We aren't poor, I could designate some funds for new clothing, but don't really see the need when they don't really care if they have a nice, full wardrobe.

 

Middle son went to a charter school this year and had to wear collared shirts.  The thrift store proved to be a great place for that!  And I found 3 pr. khakis that he liked, so he has worn those 3 all year (has to wear them 3 days per week and then can wear jeans 2 days per week, jeans I bought new.)

 

So, in answer to your question, no, we aren't poor, but why spend more than we have to?  No one knows where we got our clothes!

[Zinnia]

Everyone in my house wears pajamas. We grew up with them, and I never thought to not have them. And all my kids' pajamas are from......the thrift store ! I tend to wear Walmart yoga pants and tshirts, and dh is fond of old Navy pajama pants.

 

I thrift about 95% of my kids' wardrobes, including under Armour and sweet smocked Sunday dresses (we live in the south; I love my smocking and monograms). I usually monogram myself with applique to keep costs down. I am proud of the low amount I clothe my kids for.I see it as a sign of my frugal housewifey-ness.

[magnificent_baby]

We have a very good income and I shop Goodwill and garage sales all the time. At least half of my own clothes are second hand. I grew up fairly poor. It has become harder to find things there that the kids like, so I don't go nearly as much as I did when they were little. I have found many, many name brand clothes buying second hand. I will only buy if they look nearly new. My kids don't like it, but too bad! When we do buy new, I have come to realize the name brands hold up so much better. We have UnderArmour and Nike sweatshirts that the kids have worn for years and still look nearly new. They love the dry fit material, it feels better against their skin, washes up so much better than regular cotton t-shirts. So I don't mind spending a little more on name brands because they last so much longer than cheap clothes. 

 

I really prefer they were actual pajamas to bed. I try to make them wear pajamas 2-3 times in a row so I don't have so much laundry. Otherwise I can't keep track of what they wore to school/outside and end up with tons of unnecessary laundry. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think the trauma comes not from used clothing, but forcing the kid to have/wear clothing that wouldn't choose because it is out of style.  As a kid, my mother's taste was about 10 years out of date.  So, the clothes she picked out at thrift stores was about 10 years out of date.  Those were also the clothes in abundance at the thrift stores.  Late elementary I figured out that I stood in a certain way the clothing would hang funny and I'd say "It doesn't fit" if I didn't like it.  Got easier when I started to get breasts.  Then used clothing was fine. 

 

Yes or the not being sensitive to that.  Other kids can be so mean.  I as an adult at this point might "get" that this shi* is not important, but then again nobody has made fun of me for what I am wearing as an adult.  At least not to my face. 

[StaceyinLA]

Well I have a drawer full of Victoria's Secret sleep shirts and pajamas (bought at sale prices), but I ALWAYS sleep in big t-shirts, so that was a big waste of money IMO.

 

My grandkids do wear pajamas because my girls are obsessed with the Kickee Pants bamboo, so that's pretty much all they sleep in (and wear all the time as babies). And if I spent that much on jammies, I'd darn sure make my kids wear them!

[Guest]

Something in another thread made me think of this. It's something I wonder about anyway.

 

My kids usually don't have real pajamas, meaning they wear regular, although comfortable (t shirts and elastic waist comfy pants) clothes to sleep. DD does have a couple of nightgowns.

 

Also I get a solid 50 percent of their clothes at thrift stores (and wash everything on hot before it is worn). However I always buy underwear, socks etc new.

 

Is this a stamp of poverty on my kids? Would anyone think their kids would grow up feeling a bit traumatized by not having new clothing and real pajamas?

 

Once I was at Carter's (a baby/ childrens clothing store) buying a couple of things on sale and the lady who rang me up told me about a program where you can buy a pair of pajamas for needy children who don't have pajamas... and I just thought, "I don't buy my own kids pajamas". So that I guess adds to the idea that not having real pajamas is a mark of poverty.

Ha! I think I am the poster whom you are referring to.

 

Two things: 1) in my early twenties and when I first had kids, I did harbor resentment about the "poverty clothing" I grew up with. At that time, I would not darken the door of a Goodwill for all the gold in Fort Knox. I bought them "real" pjs at all times, because, as I said, it felt like poverty to me if we couldn't buy real pyjamas.

 

2) I changed my mind about this as I learned more frugal strategies and came to better understand how to shop used effectively. There are still aspects of Goodwill that I don't like; i.e., it stinks in there and Other People's Clothes smell like other people. (Until you wash them and wear them.)

 

For the years through about age two to about age fourteen, I have come to use 2nd hand clothing a lot. For my youngest, it is about 75% of his goods. It has become less common as my two oldest kids have gotten into their mid- to upper teens.

 

As for how your children perceive used clothes, so much of this will depend on their own personalities, but it will also depend on how you frame it to them. My mother had a hand-wringing, whiny way of saying she couldn't afford a new, beautiful dress for a dance, so could I please, please just find this yard sale dress acceptable? It was her framing that made me resent being poor, I believe. I have seen girls (including my own DD) gloat delightedly about how much they saved on their prom gown by getting it used, so I do believe much of it is in how it is framed and how much choice they feel they have. My mother would buy something used and then try to convince me to like it, but I took DD to a dress consignment shop where she was allowed to pick out something she loved.

[Miss Peregrine]

My kids love the thrift store and I prefer to just have then wear old t-shirts and soft shorts or sweats to bed because pajamas have flame retardant on them. :/

[Guest]

Trauma was the wrong word. But it's different when kids make fun of you at school, or comment on your clothes. The feeling of being an outsider did not leave me for a very long time.

This is so well-put. That was exactly my problem in my early twenties. It was as though buying something at Goodwill was "proof" that the hurtful things that had been said to me were true, that I was nothing, I was nobody, I was permanently uncool.

[Entropymama]

When I lived in California, we lived in SoCal, yes. People commented. Only poor people had thrift-store clothes. "Where did you get that, Goodwill?" Uh.

 

However, prior to that and ever since, I've lived in the Northwest and no, it's not a stamp of poverty, not here. Most kids come over with thrift-store clothing. People will even tell you they got something at Value Village when you compliment their work wardrobe. Like, at work.

 

So I guess it depends on the culture. I've been told again and again "Oh not all Californians are like that" but honestly that was my experience. From primary (3rd) through part of eighth grade. We lived in Orange County and there's a lot of poverty there and a lot of money. We have money up here but nothing like they have in California. They have so much money they put up gates up to keep poor people out. I'm forever traumatized by the brand consciousness and the gates. Well, trauma isn't the right word. I will never really get over it and I could never imagine living there again. It creeps me out. And then you can't even drink from the water fountains. To me it's just a whole different idea of what it means to be in a "nice place" or "have nice things". Clearly we have different values from the people making decisions there.

 

My kids have "real" PJs that I got as hand-me-downs and some that were bought with credit card rewards. They mainly sleep in their clothes for tomorrow, though.

 

 

Having grown up in Seattle and lived in SoCal, you are spot on. In the PNW it's a badge of honor to buy things second hand. Not so much in LA. 

[Guest]

Here's also a handy hint for would-be Goodwill shoppers: a recession economy makes (generally speaking) nice stuff at thrift stores harder to come by. in a recession, people are more likely to consign or e-bay their nicest things and only donate the bottom of the barrel stuff. When the economy is robust and so-called consumer confidence is high, people buy new clothes more freely and donate whole loads of things, making no distinction between their first-rate and second-rate donations.

 

It is also true that Goodwill ranks donations. Posh locations have very nice name brand and high quality goods, though prices are higher. (I bought a dressy Ann Taylor blouse for $10, for example.) In a lower-income demographic, the Goodwills are cheaper, bur also have an abundance of Faded Glory Walmart and Lewistown Elementary Fun Run Tee Shirts. ;)

[Entropymama]

As for how your children perceive used clothes, so much of this will depend on their own personalities, but it will also depend on how you frame it to them. My mother had a hand-wringing, whiny way of saying she couldn't afford a new, beautiful dress for a dance, so could I please, please just find this yard sale dress acceptable? It was her framing that made me resent being poor, I believe. I have seen girls (including my own DD) gloat delightedly about how much they saved on their prom gown by getting it used, so I do believe much of it is in how it is framed and how much choice they feel they have. My mother would buy something used and then try to convince me to like it, but I took DD to a dress consignment shop where she was allowed to pick out something she loved.

 

When my kids were smaller, we had friends who would give us hand me down clothes. It was always a happy day, opening the bags and sorting through to find what they liked and what fit. I always made sure to give them the choice and not make them wear stuff that wasn't their style just because it was free. And I'd tell them how great it was that now their clothing budget would go further because they had these things. Once we bought my oldest a pair of $50 shoes she'd been coveting because we'd gotten so much from friends. It made her understand that she could have what she wanted if she spend wisely. So, yes, I think framing is a big deal and my kids still enjoy thrift shopping when we have time for it. 

[T'smom]

My kids do have pajamas. My 8 yo wears running pants or basketball shorts to bed most of the time. I have lots of pjs that I never wear to bed! I cannot sleep in long sleeves or long pants- I HATE the way the fabric twists in bed. So I wear shorts and a tank to bed all year. But during the winter, it is too cold to wear that while sitting around eating breakfast or watching TV before bed, so I change into pjs to be comfortable and then right before bed, switch to my shorts/tank. In the summer, I don't mind lounging around in the shorts/tank.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Yea a $3 Walmart shirt is not appealing to me if I can get a $2 children's place shirt that I know will be able to be handed down to the next boys. But I'm in an area that there are tons of good quality kids clothes that you really need to spend a ton of time. Adult clothes take Time to find gems.

 

The thrift stores did try to raise prices once and it backfired entirely. The poorer families couldn't afford it and the frugal families just went to consignment shops where the bad clothes were weeded out. They quickly lower their prices

 

I wanted to second this. In my little pocket of the world, wearing WalMart stuff is what's going to mark you as being a few classes down. I go to the mom consignment sales and buy my kids Janie and Jack, Land's End and Boden for that same $3. It's beautifully made stuff that will last for years and still look brand new and then get re sold or handed down to friends. I swear they weave Janie and Jack out of magic fabric that fits children perfectly through two full sizes.

 

Most of our community could care less what anyone is wearing, but we have a few activities in which most of the other participants make 3x what we do, and I always dress her so that she can "pass." A lot of that is also knowing the unsaid fashion rules like no characters, etc. (Which is hilarious, because my mom said when I was little, it was having characters that let people know you had money for nice clothes, because the licensed stuff cost more. :D)

 

So much of this is so hyper regional. What class you came from, which one you live in now, which one you're trying to fit in with, and what the markers for that class are in your little part of the world/state/city.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wanted to second this. In my little pocket of the world, wearing WalMart stuff is what's going to mark you as being a few classes down. I go to the mom consignment sales and buy my kids Janie and Jack, Land's End and Boden for that same $3. It's beautifully made stuff that will last for years and still look brand new and then get re sold or handed down to friends. I swear they weave Janie and Jack out of magic fabric that fits children perfectly through two full sizes.

 

Most of our community could care less what anyone is wearing, but we have a few activities in which most of the other participants make 3x what we do, and I always dress her so that she can "pass." A lot of that is also knowing the unsaid fashion rules like no characters, etc. (Which is hilarious, because my mom said when I was little, it was having characters that let people know you had money for nice clothes, because the licensed stuff cost more. :D)

 

So much of this is so hyper regional. What class you came from, which one you live in now, which one you're trying to fit in with, and what the markers for that class are in your little part of the world/state/city.

 

Yeah you are going to find this isn't the case as the kids get older though.  I don't find two and three dollar shirts on any clearance rack (not even at Walmart). 

 

I kind of miss clothes shopping when my kids were little.  There were so many stores with cute stuff for good deals. 

 

[indigomama]

When I lived in California, we lived in SoCal, yes. People commented. Only poor people had thrift-store clothes. "Where did you get that, Goodwill?" Uh.

 

However, prior to that and ever since, I've lived in the Northwest and no, it's not a stamp of poverty, not here. Most kids come over with thrift-store clothing. People will even tell you they got something at Value Village when you compliment their work wardrobe. Like, at work.

 

So I guess it depends on the culture. I've been told again and again "Oh not all Californians are like that" but honestly that was my experience. From primary (3rd) through part of eighth grade. We lived in Orange County and there's a lot of poverty there and a lot of money. We have money up here but nothing like they have in California. They have so much money they put up gates up to keep poor people out. I'm forever traumatized by the brand consciousness and the gates. Well, trauma isn't the right word. I will never really get over it and I could never imagine living there again. It creeps me out. And then you can't even drink from the water fountains. To me it's just a whole different idea of what it means to be in a "nice place" or "have nice things". Clearly we have different values from the people making decisions there.

 

My kids have "real" PJs that I got as hand-me-downs and some that were bought with credit card rewards. They mainly sleep in their clothes for tomorrow, though.

 

 

I wonder if your CA experience was actually an Orange Co experience. I grew in Central Coast CA and was poor, but everyone I knew, rich or poor shopped at thrift stores. It wasn't/isn't a mark of poverty. It's almost a trendy thing to do. 

 

As for pajamas. I never thought about it. 

[MistyMountain]

I think people can probably tell/ sense that a person's clothes are coming from the thrift store if they know what to look for.

 

There are so many kids (and adults for that matter) wearing the latest "athleisure" clothes like Under Armour (as an aside I cannot comprehend the popularity of athleisure. I absolutely don't get it. Can someone explain wearing expensive workout clothes as your going to the grocery store clothes every day?) with vibrant colors and the latest style. Or stuff emblazoned with "Hollister" or whatever is the cool thing now.

 

If you're going to buy a significant amount of clothing at thrift stores, much of it will not be the latest style, the colors will not be the brightest, the fabrics won't be the most pristine, and yes, sometimes my kids stuff even has small holes in it.

 

Anyway, even though we could not afford to dress in all-new clothing, I still like to pat myself on the back for thrift shopping because I can wear AnnTaylor tops, and dd can wear J Crew for less than the price of new clothes at Walmart.

One of my kids loves the tightness and softness of the fabric and lived in silky liners worn under clothes this winter. Focus and concentration has been better since we got the liners. I have looked into getting the very discounted althleisure stuff for the summer since it has a similar texture and tightness. It has nothing to do with labels for us but if it is popular I guess that makes it easier to find at the thrift store. ;) Edited April 24, 2016 by MistyMountain

[Tsuga]

Nope.

 

On one hand, you can NEVER predict what will bother people about their childhoods after they're grown.

 

On the other hand, ime when you grow up very poor, you appreciate having had clothes that are clean at all. So. Lack of official pj's and the fact that your perfectly good clothes came from the goodwill is way down on the list of things that are likely to bug you.

 

And my kids have access to jammies and refuse to wear them. So there ya go.

We were very poor but not neglected.

 

If I had been neglected clothes would have been the least of it. But we were always able to eat rice and beans and WIC cheese and apples and orange juice. We always had clean clothes because my mother and her sister pooled funds.

 

I disagree that really poor people don't worry about their clothes. My MIL grew up poor in post WWII Germany and she remembers patches in her clothes, but they were truly poor. However they were not neglected.

 

Huge difference. Abused and neglected children are dirty. (Or people in refugee camps but they are hardly going to school with kids who notice their clothes!) My cousin is poor. Poor poor, 10th percentile income single mom poor. Her kids are not dirty. And they are not hungry because she will drive to the food bank if need be. Actually she recently got a new job so she is probably not poor now. But I remember when she was. Nothing was new or nice but it was clean and there were always hot dinners and WIC milk because she made it happen.

 

ETA: my kids relatives in Tajikistan are poor. I assume we are talking about markers of povert in the US/Canada/Aus/NZ/UK, not globally. Obviously those are different.

Edited April 24, 2016 by Tsuga

[MercyA]

pajamas have flame retardant on them. :/

 

Not all pajamas--the tight fitting 100% cotton ones don't. I just buy them a size or two up, and they're perfect.

[Guest]

We were very poor but not neglected.

 

If I had been neglected clothes would have been the least of it. But we were always able to eat rice and beans and WIC cheese and apples and orange juice. We always had clean clothes because my mother and her sister pooled funds.

 

I disagree that really poor people don't worry about their clothes. My MIL grew up poor in post WWII Germany and she remembers patches in her clothes, but they were truly poor. However they were not neglected.

 

Huge difference. Abused and neglected children are dirty. My cousin is poor. Poor poor, 10th percentile income single mom poor. Her kids are not dirty. And they are not hungry because she will drive to the food bank if need be. Actually she recently got a new job so she is probably not poor now. But I remember when she was. Nothing was new or nice but it was clean and there were always hot dinners and WIC milk because she made it happen.

 

ime means in my experience. Not "in my imagination." Not, "in someone else's experience."

 

I did not say very poor people don't worry about their clothes. I said very poor people in my experience, when they grow up, are likely to be grateful in hindsight for having had clean clothes, wherever they came from.

Edited April 24, 2016 by OKBud

[MercyA]

My kids wear pjs just because I can't stand the idea of wearing the same clothes they have been playing/eating in all day to bed. 

 

Me either! The idea totally squicks me out. I love putting my little girl in clean jammies after her bath at the end of the day. 

[umsami]

I grew up upper middle class, but went to schools and camps that required uniforms, so my Mom never put a premium on casual clothes.  Plus, I was hard to shop for.  Guess, Calvins, whatever didn't fit me.  She would buy me clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue and Lord & Taylor that I'm sure were more money 30-40 years ago than I spend on my kids now....but were still all wrong.  They were fine for 30-40+ year old ladies, but not for a tween or teen girl.

 

Because of the uniforms, we didn't make fun of other kids' clothes.

 

I shop a wide variety of places for my kids, but never pay full price.  Up until recently, all shoes have come from Walmart or Target, but I've found I do better at "real" shoe stores with shoes on sale as the shoes last longer and cost the same as full-price Walmart/Target.

[LucyStoner]

When I went to sleepovers as a child, all of the other kids had pajamas or nice nightgowns and things like "robes" and "slippers". I had oversized t-shirts passed down from my much older brother. Was that a big problem? No. Did I mind it? Yup.

 

We buy most things we have used. Peering around the living room room, the only things I am seeing that we bought new are:

 

-some of our CDs (most were bought used)

-some of our books (most were bought used)

-an electric pencil sharpener.

-a painting that we love.

-some picture frames.

-the eyeglasses on my face.

-some yarn my younger son uses for crocheting (part of Oak Meadow curriculum).

 

This is in a room with a sectional, a desk, a piano, a TV, a DVD player, a stereo, an iMac, a sewing machine, two violins, a cello, several guitars, a couple of abandoned comforters the kids need to pick up and a very nice armchair and ottoman.

 

Most of our clothes are used. My husband probably has the most new clothing but that's because his pant size is tricky to find period, much less used.

 

But yes, my kids get new pajamas at least once a year when they go on sale (they have a favorite kind), nice shoes from good brands and all the new socks and underpants they need. I also buy my older son his favorite kind of lined hoodie everytime he busts through another size because you just don't argue when your child with ASD finds a "coat" they will actually wear, lol.

 

I agree with Andrea- it wasn't until high school that my thrifted clothing was hip. I think it was grunge culture that did that here in Seattle and it was grunge culture that suddenly made me cool because from ages 13-16, I lived near a cheap vintage store and the owner would save shit for me all the time and as such get a bit of my babysitting money.

 

I don't think that not wearing PJs is a sign of poverty. I do think that not having the choice about what you can afford for your kids to have for pjs or shoes is a sign of, depending on the circumstances, financial limitations or poverty.