Girls in the Men's Restroom

[December]

You have a young daughter that is too young to go into the restroom unaccompanied.  One day, your husband takes your daughter on an outing, just the two of them.  She needs to use the restroom. Which one best reflects your opinion?

[Julie Smith]

What is so bad about men's restrooms?

 

And if they are such a problem in your area, wouldn't that concern you enough to talk to management about doing something about it. 

[kitten18]

It's fine.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well women do the reverse all the time. So I imagine it happens to dad's too.  So why not?  What is the alternative?  She pees in her pants?

 

If he is with her, what could happen?  KWIM?

 

 

[freesia]

Dh always took the girls in with him. I prefer the family bathroom option, b/c there is more room to maneuver if the girl is young and needs help.

[December]

I think it's fine, but in a discussion with two friends, they both said that their husbands would not take a daughter into the men's restroom due to the chance of them seeing male genitalia, which they apparently feel they must protect their daughters from seeing at all costs.  The husband would just bring the child home if a family bathroom was not an option (didn't ask what they would do if home were too far away) Just curious how widespread those kind of feelings are.

[shinyhappypeople]

Well, seeing a guy pee would be pretty gross. Urinals are ridiculous.  When our girls were little, DH would have shielded DD's eyes or made sure the restroom was clear and then taken her in.

[kitten18]

I think it's fine, but in a discussion with two friends, they both said that their husbands would not take a daughter into the men's restroom due to the chance of them seeing male genitalia, which they apparently feel they must protect their daughters from seeing at all costs. The husband would just bring the child home if a family bathroom was not an option (didn't ask what they would do if home were too far away) Just curious how widespread those kind of feelings are.

I think that's super goofy.

[dancingmama]

I never understood the concept of having children have no clue what genitalia looks like. My parents did this to me and I remember being horrified with the concept when I found out as a late preteen. My kids have always known that male and female have different genitalia and have seen them. If you treat it as no big deal, it'll be no big deal.

[Garga]

I don't have daughters, but I would assume that my dh would scout out for any exposed men and then wait until they were done before bringing her in all the way to the bathroom, or block her vision as he took her to a stall.  I wouldn't be happy if she was just gazing at a stranger's naked man parts.  But it would be a strange, strange father who wouldn't casually check to see that it was clear for her to pass through the room.

 

I would think that the other men in the room would be uncomfortable with a little girl staring at them, but I would also (again) think the father would be smart enough to be sensitive to that and be sure her eyes were looking elsewhere while walking through the room or washing her hands.

 

ETA:  Just because a kid knows that there are different parts and what they look like, doesn't mean it's ok for her to be looking at men in the bathroom.  But I just don't think that would happen with a normal dad.  He'd make sure the way was clear for her.

Edited January 20, 2016 by Garga

[Acorn]

The only time it ever crossed my mind to be concerned was at a NFL game where some of the fans are known for drunk and rowdy. I was more concerned that in the privacy of men's bathroom, language and roughness would be worse than the stands.

[JustEm]

Dh would just take her into the men's room. That seems to make the most sense to me.

[Carrie12345]

I peed my pants in public as a child.  Seeing a penis (as unlikely as it might be) would have been less traumatic.  Not that that was the cause.

[Joules]

I would suggest looking for a family bathroom first, but it's not a big deal.  My reason may be a bit different, men's bathrooms just aren't kept as clean (and sometimes are downright gross).  Kids touch things :-P

[Alice]

Dh used to take Z. to a family restroom if there was one and if there wasn't he would take her in the men's restroom. I think the slight difference between the men's restroom and girls and the women's restroom and boys is the urinal factor. Taking a boy in the women's restroom doesn't mean you will see as much. I think that's why some people get more freaked out. That said, I took the boys into the women's locker room when they were little and didn't worry about it and we didn't worry about it if Z. saw something when she walked through the men's restroom. We typically just said something about people's bodies being private and not staring and then did what we needed to do. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I never understood the concept of having children have no clue what genitalia looks like. My parents did this to me and I remember being horrified with the concept when I found out as a late preteen. My kids have always known that male and female have different genitalia and have seen them. If you treat it as no big deal, it'll be no big deal.

 

Yeah we aren't talking graphic p*orn here.  It's a body part.  Urinating is a regular ole bodily function. 

 

Geesh

Edited January 20, 2016 by SparklyUnicorn

[Slache]

My husband did once and poked his head in before letting her in. I suppose he would have said something or carried her a certain way if there had been men in there.

[Rachel]

My husband takes our 6 year old daughter when they are out together. He did say he once told her to look the other way when someone was using the urinal. I do think most men do try to be discreet when using the urinal though. She is getting to get to the age where she can use the women's restroom unaccompanied though.

[Guest]

My husband takes the kids into the men's restroom unless it is horrendously gross. Then he just sucks it up and uses he women's with them, apologizing to any women he encounters and might make uncomfortable.

 

But it's not the men at the urinals that I'm concerned about, it's the cleanliness factor! Men's restrooms tend to be gross (I assume because men complain less about it than women :lol: ).

[SparklyUnicorn]

When my kids were little, but insisted on going in the men's room I'd stand in the doorway and yell into there several times.  I'm sure the men loved it.  LOL

 

 

[Guest]

When my kids were little, but insisted on going in the men's room I'd stand in the doorway and yell into there several times. I'm sure the men loved it. LOL

I've done that with my son, especially when I have the younger kids in one restroom and him in the other. I kind of split the distance and shout a lot :rofl:

[justasque]

I think it's fine, but in a discussion with two friends, they both said that their husbands would not take a daughter into the men's restroom due to the chance of them seeing male genitalia, which they apparently feel they must protect their daughters from seeing at all costs.  The husband would just bring the child home if a family bathroom was not an option (didn't ask what they would do if home were too far away) Just curious how widespread those kind of feelings are.

 

Honestly, your friends' husbands must not spend much time taking their daughter(s) out.  

When you gotta go, you gotta go.  You can't always wait until you can get home.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

If you are outside, boys have it made.  They can go behind a tree.  Girls...that's a lot trickier.  I always end up peeing on my shoes. 

 

 

[Guest]

If you are outside, boys have it made. They can go behind a tree. Girls...that's a lot trickier. I always end up peeing on my shoes.

There is a trick to aiming that keeps shoes clean... I wonder if I can find that article!

 

Found one!

https://annaoutdoors.wordpress.com/2014/02/10/how-to-pee-in-the-woods-a-quick-tutorial-for-girls/

 

Advanced technique is actually make a triangle with your fingers and pressing your labia back as needed to aim. Yes, I said it and yes it works :o

Edited January 20, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[AK_Mom4]

Family Bathroom if one is available, men's room if not.

 

DH would take our girls into the men's room with him... back then, family restrooms were not very common.  It was really no big deal.  The only time he took oldest DD into the ladies restroom was at a Hockey Game that had huge lines for the men's bathroom and she just couldn't wait.  

[sassenach]

If the girl is young enough to need accompanying, then she's young enough to be carried in and brought straight to a stall. She can just tuck her face into her daddy's neck to avoid seeing anything. 

 

 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Yes, use the men's bathroom.

 

 

Children don't suddenly stop having to use a bathroom based on which parent they are with.

 

 

:001_rolleyes:

[Julie Smith]

If you are outside, boys have it made. They can go behind a tree. Girls...that's a lot trickier. I always end up peeing on my shoes.

We use to go on bike rides that would last hours. The joke is that I have peed on every bush in the whole town.

[SKL]

I could see some people being icky about a preschool-aged girl going in the men's room, because the urinals are out in the open.  But when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.  The dad could tell her to close her eyes if someone was using the urinal.

 

My daughters have accidentally walked into the men's room a couple times.  Nobody died.  :P

[Kiara.I]

I think it's fine, but in a discussion with two friends, they both said that their husbands would not take a daughter into the men's restroom due to the chance of them seeing male genitalia, which they apparently feel they must protect their daughters from seeing at all costs.  The husband would just bring the child home if a family bathroom was not an option (didn't ask what they would do if home were too far away) Just curious how widespread those kind of feelings are.

 

Sigh.

There are two possible motivations behind this that I can think of.  I don't agree with either one.  One is fear:  fear of predators, perversion, and I don't know what else.  The other is "modesty", the idea of keeping children innocent by controlling their surroundings.

I think both are short-sighted and damaging.

 

Seeing male genitalia will not increase a child's risk.  Nor will it harm their innocence.

 

I think that those feelings are somewhat widespread, in certain circles.  I suspect they're not likely to be wide-spread on this board, though.

[regentrude]

If you are outside, boys have it made.  They can go behind a tree.  Girls...that's a lot trickier.  I always end up peeing on my shoes. 

 

Practice, sister, practice ;-)

 

[AmandaVT]

I would suggest looking for a family bathroom first, but it's not a big deal.  My reason may be a bit different, men's bathrooms just aren't kept as clean (and sometimes are downright gross).  Kids touch things :-P

 

This is my reasoning too! 

 

I will say, having a boy can come in handy when faced with long waits at a women's restroom. We were at Panera a few weeks ago (single bathrooms) and someone was in the women's room forever.....we waited and waited and waited. Finally, I took DS into the men's room. He didn't have to go, but I sure did. Thankfully it was pretty clean. Taking a boy in there made me feel more justified about using it. :-) And the woman was still in the women's room when I came out - we were in there less than a minute, but man that was one long bathroom trip by the time she left!

[MrsWeasley]

I love family bathrooms, but my kids' dad would take my daughter to the bathroom in the men's room if there wasn't one. Honestly, I feel way more uncomfortable with my 5yo son going into the men's room alone, like he insists doing sometimes, then my daughter going with her father when she was little.

[forty-two]

My dh's two cents is that, even when men are using urinals, there's nothing to see, because men tend to try to be as discreet as possible - to stand as close to the urinal as they can - they aren't any more interested in flashing their junk than other people are in seeing it ;).  When the girls were littler, he took them into the men's room and didn't worry about whether anyone was currently using urinals or not.  (And my concern was with the girls using the women's room alone - I didn't want dh to *not* take them with him into the men's room.)

 

He also is of the opinion (having cleaned both the men's and women's restrooms in restaurants) that women's restrooms are far more gross than men's rooms - that too many women seem to be incapable of getting their tampons into the trash.

Edited January 20, 2016 by forty-two

[zoobie]

We have 3 girls. DH does look for a family restroom first because they're generally cleaner, but he will take them into the men's room. If our oldest DD is with him, she will take the 3 year old with her sometimes, especially if the bathroom is gross (Little League baseball facilities for example, yuck). Our girls have seen DH pee and seeing other men at the urinal is not even on the radar of worrisome to me.

 

One little girl we know started reading really early. Her daddy did NOT like taking her to the bathroom because she would read the stall doors out loud. There were a few places in DC where they lived with very colorful language on the walls. The stories were pretty funny!

[DesertBlossom]

I prefer the family restroom when there is one. So that would be my first choice. But I wouldn't care about him taking a girl into the men's restroom.

 

I would rather the child be accompanied than go alone into the bathroom. Scary things can happen. At a local McDs, a kid walked in on a couple "making tea" and the police were called.

[Mama Geek]

For a long time we carried a potty training potty in each vehicle.  That worked great.  Dh really didn't want to take her into the men's room.

[Ravin]

I would just take her into the men's. I have been using men's restrooms for quite a while now and have not seen a single penis (except DS's...he's still getting the hang of the urinal and drops his drawers rather than just unbuttoning his fly to pee). Most men unzip their fly while facing the urinal, so unless you are trying to look (which just isn't done), probably from the perspective of standing beside him, you're not going to see anything.

 

It's kind of like showing nipple when breastfeeding--doesn't really happen all that often in the normal course, and you're not going to see it unless you're in just the right spot and trying to look.

[Tanaqui]

I would rather the child be accompanied than go alone into the bathroom. Scary things can happen. At a local McDs, a kid walked in on a couple "making tea" and the police were called.

 

That's unpleasant, certainly, but it's not that scary, is it? I mean, it's not like they pulled a weapon when interrupted. (I'm assuming you would've said if that was the case!)

 

And to answer the OP, I really, really don't care if my small child sees a penis in the harmless act of peeing in a bathroom. Heck, *I* have brought the girls into the men's room when the line to the women's room was super long and nobody looked likely to take pity on a small child.

[AimeeM]

Yeah we aren't talking graphic p*orn here.  It's a body part.  Urinating is a regular ole bodily function. 

 

Geesh

Yes, but that doesn't mean I want to watch people do it (urinate) or want my children watching strangers do it.

There are a lot of regular ole bodily functions that I really think should be done in private. 

I have never understood the concept of urinals, so there's that :P

[Forget-Me-Not]

My DH has taken our young daughters into the men's room when necessary but prefers not to. He says the seats/toilets in the men's room stalls are often really gross (for this reason, it can also be tricky to take boys in when they're too short to use the urinals). Once they are old enough to handle things on their own he sends them into the ladies' and waits for them.

[Mommy22alyns]

DH took the girls out a lot when they were younger.  He would try for a family restroom, but otherwise he took them in the men's room.  Obviously he was careful about things.  They were early readers too, so there were a couple of times when he had to shield them from reading graffiti!

[SKL]

For a long time we carried a potty training potty in each vehicle.  That worked great.  Dh really didn't want to take her into the men's room.

 

I did that too.  I never did have to use it, but I felt better knowing we wouldn't be in a desperate situation on a long drive.  :P

 

[SKL]

I don't think girls will get messed up by seeing genitals at the urinals.  But I do consider the comfort of the men who are using them.  Sometimes little kids stare inappropriately, especially at things they don't normally see.  But a dad should be able to manage that.

[Farrar]

Kids don't even remember hardly anything before they're 5 or 6 yo. The idea that going into the restroom and catching a tiny glimpse of a penis would be scarring is pretty ridiculous to me.

 

Family restrooms are generally better, but that's just true in general. Around here, increasingly all the small restrooms are genderless anyway.

[fraidycat]

Having worked in a nightclub/bar both as a waitress/bartender, and as early morning cleaning crew, I can assure you ladies accusing men's bathrooms of being gross that WOMEN are 10x as disgusting as men in public bathrooms. Easily.

 

My kids have known about the differences in body parts since - forever it seems like. So Dad taking DD into a men's bathroom is no big deal on our part.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Yes, but that doesn't mean I want to watch people do it (urinate) or want my children watching strangers do it.

There are a lot of regular ole bodily functions that I really think should be done in private. 

I have never understood the concept of urinals, so there's that :p

 

I don't understand why men just don't have stalls too.

 

 

 

But I have no issue with Dad's taking their daughters into the men's room.

[SKL]

I've heard that too about cleaning women's/men's bathrooms in bars. 

 

I cleaned the ones in our factory once, and the men's was way worse.  I guess women act differently at work.  :p

 

I travel a fair amount with my kids, and we obviously have to use a lot of public bathrooms.  What I don't understand is women who will pee on the floor, or let their kids do so, and then leave it there for the next person to step in.  I assume these are squats gone wrong or something.  I really don't care.  If you sprinkle when you tinkle, clean it up.  :/

Edited January 21, 2016 by SKL

[kewb]

My dh hated taking dd in the men's room. Said they were usually gross. He always looked for a family restroom. He only took dd into a men's room if he was desperate and he would try to make sure it was empty of any other users.

[SeaConquest]

Well women do the reverse all the time. So I imagine it happens to dad's too.  So why not?  What is the alternative?  She pees in her pants?

 

If he is with her, what could happen?  KWIM?

 

My husband would often take our boys in the ladies' room if the men's room didn't have a changing table. He would knock to announce his presence. All the women would just swoon that there was a father actually changing dipes. He never once received a side-eye.