ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Without going into a bunch of details, would you leave a 13-year-old home alone for 5 1/2 hours once a week, if you were going to be 30 minutes away? Oldest DD is lobbying for this, and while I do leave the kids home alone, I really prefer to do it only when they're together, or for a much shorter time period for DD13 alone. However, my concerns aren't exactly rational. At 13, she would be trusted as a babysitter for that kind of time period, and when I was 13, I was being left alone for entire summers (during the day, I mean), because both my parents worked. I was also babysitting for a couple of families at night, until the wee hours. No one thought anything of it, and I enjoyed the independence and responsibility. Our neighborhood is as safe as any other suburban neighborhood. We did have some break-ins in the general area a few years ago, but those guys were caught, and the break-ins stopped. I have no real reason to be concerned about leaving her home, and she feels comfortable being home. Am I being irrational about this? I really WANT to be able to do it. It just makes me vaguely uncomfortable, and I don't think that's a legitimate reason not to! So WWYD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I would have no issue leaving my own 13 year old dd home alone for that amount of time. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 She sounds old enough for it. I say go for it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I would have no problems with it. I prefer it when they are alone. My kids tend to fight among themselves. I'd leave a list of "just in case" phone numbers that I would never expect to need. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I'm going to be gone from home for about that long once a week and my dh is arranging to work from home that day each week so DD (14) will not be in the house by herself. I am personally not comfortable leaving my daughter alone in a house that looks empty for that long. We live in a very safe area, but most of the houses are empty during the day. I would hate for her to be there if someone broke in thinking the house was empty. I did leave my DS home at that age. I checked in with him a lot and I think he was better prepared to handle himself. I still didn't like it, though. Good luck with your decision. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Unless you have some valid concerns about her maturity level then yes I would let her stay alone. She's plenty old enough. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I would with either of my 12yos. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I wouldn't think twice about it. My daughter loved staying home alone all day at that age... and did quite often. Unless there is some particular reason for not allowing it, I would absolutely let her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I have left my oldest alone for that amount of time before. I don't see a problem with it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Sure. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 All the reasons you gave were reasons why it would be ok so I'm not understanding why you are hesitating. I would make sure she had something productive to do during that time and you could be in contact with her by phone if need be. Set up expectations for her time and praise her when she meets them. As long as you feel she will be safe, it will be a growth experience for you both. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I would if the kid in question was good with it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monstermama Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 It sounds like you're already comfortable leaving her with other siblings when you're gone - are they older or younger? Honestly, no personal experience, but with family members, leaving one kid alone was fine but leaving multiple siblings alone together was a recipe for disaster. I have a particularly hilarious (now, not then ;) ) story about how my nephews got into a paintball fight inside their house. Do you both have cell phones where you could set up checkpoints for her to text you after a certain amount of time? Does she know what to do if there were an emergency? Are there any neighbors who are home during the day that she could run to if she had any problems? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planner Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I have, but I don't like it. This is my kid who has repeatedly put a metal pot in the microwave though. I have reasons to have reservations. I don't let my kids stay home together ever. They would fight. I always take at least one kid with me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 All the reasons you gave were reasons why it would be ok so I'm not understanding why you are hesitating. I'm not really sure why I'm hesitating either! All kinds of terrible things run through my head: Someone could see the house looking empty and try to break in, find her there and think, "Oooh, cute 13-year-olds go for a lot on the black market!" Or we could leave the windows open and music on to make it obvious that someone's home, and a criminal could think, "Ooh, no cars in the driveway, must be a kid at home!" (Now see Scenario 1.) Or she could try to cook herself chicken nuggets in the toaster over, which would promptly catch fire, and she would try to call 911, but because we have no land line, the call never gets routed properly and the house burns down before the fire department can get here. Or... See what I mean? Not rational :lol: I know the odds of these things happening are like .00000001 in a million, but there's that little voice that says, "If you just take her with you, she won't have to worry about any of that stuff." And the irony is that DH is going to be the harder sell, in spite of the fact that he grew up in a rough part of NYC in the 70s and 80s and had very little direct supervision by the time he was 13! Anyway, I think I've decided to go ahead and see how it goes, although she wasn't happy when I told her the Internet would be turned off when I leave. The very last thing she needs is 5 hours of uninterrupted Internet time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Unless there were a specific reason that this particular teenager shouldn't be left alone, I wouldn't even think twice about it. There's nothing safer about having siblings home, or even having ME home, if evil from the outside were to try to make its way into the house. If the child had fascination with fire, or was forgetful about turning off the stove, or was afraid to be alone, or had other immature tendencies, then I'd hesitate, but not otherwise. Yes, definitely give her some time to be on her own. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Lots of people have said the same about leaving siblings home, it's kind of funny! Mine snark at each other constantly but do well when they're alone together because they both know that if they fight, they both immediately lose the privilege of getting to stay home alone and have to get dragged along to whatever errands I'm running. They are aware that NO ONE WINS in that scenario :lol: I like when they're home together because it always seems that when one of them is going to pieces over something, the other one gets very calm and collected and helpful. I figure the odds of one of them keeping a cool head in an emergency are increased! Do you both have cell phones where you could set up checkpoints for her to text you after a certain amount of time? Does she know what to do if there were an emergency? Are there any neighbors who are home during the day that she could run to if she had any problems? We do both have cell phones, and yes, we can text each other all day long. We have gone over (and will go over again) emergency scenarios. And we do have good neighbors--no one that we're super close to, but a few that I would generally trust to help her out, assuming they happen to be home (which they should be, one is a mom and the others are retired). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Everyone else is much cooler than I am, I guess. It would make me vaguely uncomfortable, too. 2 hours? Probably fine. 5 1/2? Discomfort. Could she have a friend over? I would feel better if there were two of them to help each other in an emergency. Or maybe Grandma could stop by? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 19, 2015 Author Share Posted August 19, 2015 Everyone else is much cooler than I am, I guess. It would make me vaguely uncomfortable, too. 2 hours? Probably fine. 5 1/2? Discomfort. Could she have a friend over? I would feel better if there were two of them to help each other in an emergency. Or maybe Grandma could stop by? I did think about a friend, but there's not one that lives close enough to make it work (that I would trust to leave alone with her, anyway). And Grandma still works full time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I don't think you're being irrational but I think she's a fine age to be left alone. I left DD12 alone for the first time a few weeks ago and she cleaned the kitchen. She turned the music up and was able to dance around and be silly without worrying anyone would giggle at her. She loved it, it was freeing. Give it a try and see how it goes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daria Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I would and did leave my son alone at that age for longer than 5.5 hours, and it was fine. But I'm also a big believer in following my gut as a parent, so if your gut says she's not ready then I can't really tell you not to listen. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 At age thirteen, I was a latch-key kid M-F for three hours every day during the school year. If you have one or two trusted neighbors on your street, or an at-home friend who can reach your home rapidly, I don't see a problem. . . so long as she is a responsible young teen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Although I don't think 13 year olds today (mostly) are the same as 13 year olds when I was 13... I would have left my daughter, but she wouldn't have liked it so I didn't. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Yes. I would with my 10 and nearly 12 year old. They would read or play games. The 10 year old introvert would love it. The 12 year old would get twitchy, but she's an extrovert. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I'd be okay with that, if she is responsible. Just have some set rules and a backup plan. (Maybe a couple phone numbers of neighbors on her cell phone?) And of course, you can always text her now and then just to check in! One thing I was strict about with my kids if they were home alone at that age was the stove. They could use the microwave, but not the stove. Maybe that was slightly irrational, but we've had a few minor stove fires over the years, and I never wanted to take that chance. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 An idea: Look for an American Red Cross Babysitting course in your area. It's about six hours long, usually on a Saturday in my experience. In addition to teaching the kids how to care for little ones, they teach the kids how to deal with all sorts of situations, including emergencies and safety protocols. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I wouldn't think twice. Since you haven't really done it, go over any safety rules you think are important. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I did think about a friend, but there's not one that lives close enough to make it work (that I would trust to leave alone with her, anyway). And Grandma still works full time. I was left alone at that age. One parent would call and check in as well as leave instructions for dinner and tidying the house. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 My main concern when faced with a similar decision was creating an observable pattern, where someone might notice that she is always alone from 1 to 5 on Tuesday afternoons. I realize that an emergency could happen at any random time, and in a short amount of time, but that just really made me uncomfortable. I think it's perfectly reasonable to allow it, but I didn't, lol. We worked out a compromise of staying home sometimes, not every time. Sometimes she would come with, sometimes she would stay with someone else, and a few times I had people drop in on her for a few minutes. It made me feel better to not establish a clear pattern. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I wouldn't even bat an eye at that situation unless there were a specific concern about an individual teen that would make it a bad idea. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 It just makes me vaguely uncomfortable, and I don't think that's a legitimate reason not to! I agree completely that this isn't a legitimate reason not to allow it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolatechip Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 When I was 11, I started being left at home for 6 hours on Fridays watching my younger siblings (aged 8, 6, and 2) while my mom worked a part time job. I'd be fine with a 13 yr old staying alone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I'm another who wouldn't even think twice about it as long as she was ok with it and I trusted her. My guys stayed home alone at younger ages and did fine. I started staying home alone for short periods of time when I was 5 and I survived - as did our house! By 11 I was home alone quite a bit more - no issues at that age or older. And now there are cell phones for emergencies... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 I agree completely that this isn't a legitimate reason not to allow it. Unless her "gut feeling" has a basis which she cannot yet articulate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rebbyribs Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 From an earlier thread, it sounds like if you have no landline, it's a good idea to program the local fire and police department numbers into the phone. Even though they're non-emergency numbers, they go to the right place. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneezyone Posted August 19, 2015 Share Posted August 19, 2015 Without going into a bunch of details, would you leave a 13-year-old home alone for 5 1/2 hours once a week, if you were going to be 30 minutes away? Oldest DD is lobbying for this, and while I do leave the kids home alone, I really prefer to do it only when they're together, or for a much shorter time period for DD13 alone. However, my concerns aren't exactly rational. At 13, she would be trusted as a babysitter for that kind of time period, and when I was 13, I was being left alone for entire summers (during the day, I mean), because both my parents worked. I was also babysitting for a couple of families at night, until the wee hours. No one thought anything of it, and I enjoyed the independence and responsibility. Our neighborhood is as safe as any other suburban neighborhood. We did have some break-ins in the general area a few years ago, but those guys were caught, and the break-ins stopped. I have no real reason to be concerned about leaving her home, and she feels comfortable being home. Am I being irrational about this? I really WANT to be able to do it. It just makes me vaguely uncomfortable, and I don't think that's a legitimate reason not to! So WWYD? I would leave the child home with a phone, instructions and emergency contacts, and not think twice about it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Every kid is different, of course, but I would and I do leave my 13 year old home for that amount of time when I am not far away. I do think it's worth listening to your gut on this, however. So ask yourself *why* you are squirrely about this and if you can come up with a rational answer, then maybe your DD isn't ready for it yet. If you can't get to *why* this makes you uncomfortable, then maybe there is an unconscious reason for why you don't like the idea and you probably need to think on it more until you can verbalize it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Yes, I would leave a 13-year-old home alone for 5 1/2 hours once a week. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Yes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Yes, I'd leave a 13 year old for that long without a second thought. Is she your oldest? The first few times you leave your child alone all day can be worrisome. It was scary for me at first, but once I got over the novelty, I started to leave my 11 year old(s) for a whole day. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 The first few times you leave your child alone all day can be worrisome. It's probably good practice for a few years later when they get their driver's license and want the keys - all by themselves - heading out. I still remind mine to "Take care of my car while you're gone." And breathe a sigh of relief when they're back home. Mine are college students now... I asked my mom if the feeling ever goes away and she told me not really. We still call each other once we've returned safely from a trip. But the feeling does go away with leaving them at home. At least it did for us. Cars are more deadly. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 It feels scary, doesn't it? But yes, I would. As you pointed out, at that age we were left alone for hours to babysit toddlers! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Yes, I would and have. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Yes. I would try to avoid leaving my 13yo for that long with my youngest two, but I'd leave her or her and her sister. With the little kids, I try to keep it to 2 hours or less. And I won't do it at all if anyone's especially grumpy, iykwim. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Unless her "gut feeling" has a basis which she cannot yet articulate. I had the impression it was a general feeling of discomfort that's normal when kids reach a milestone. Lots of things may make parents vaguely uncomfortable (driving, dating, going to camp or on an outing with someone else, etc.) at different ages. If the only reason for objecting to an age-appropriate activity is that the parent doesn't feel ready yet, I don't think it's much of a reason. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 yes, no problem at all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I have a 13 year old. I leave him home alone for that amount of time. I don't even worry about it. He is perfectly capable. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 We worked out a compromise of staying home sometimes, not every time. Sometimes she would come with, sometimes she would stay with someone else, and a few times I had people drop in on her for a few minutes. It made me feel better to not establish a clear pattern. This is a very good point and had crossed my mind too. I think we'll do exactly what you said. Anyway, it will be good for her to come with me sometimes, and it will buy me a little extra teaching time! Is she your oldest? She is, so yeah, it's new. Well, it's not new, actually. I've been leaving them for awhile now and recently started leaving her by herself as long as I'm within 10 minutes or so from home. It's more how far away I will be that concerns me. I won't be able to just zip home if I'm needed! I had the impression it was a general feeling of discomfort that's normal when kids reach a milestone. Lots of things may make parents vaguely uncomfortable (driving, dating, going to camp or on an outing with someone else, etc.) at different ages. If the only reason for objecting to an age-appropriate activity is that the parent doesn't feel ready yet, I don't think it's much of a reason. Yeah, I think it's more this than anything else. I'm definitely a "What's the worst-case scenario?" kind of thinker, so those terrible possibilities are just too vivid in my head. But she's definitely pushing for some more independence, so this will be a good way to facilitate that, I think. Anyway, we did a test run today. She was home for about four hours while youngest DD and I were out. Not only did she do great, she got bored and decided to clean the house! Of course, I turned off the Internet before I left :lol: DH didn't complain and was impressed with her initiative. And I did fine too. We texted, and I had a lot going on to keep my mind off any worrying I might do. I'm sure I'll get more comfortable as time passes and we do it more often, and as long as we can mix the pattern up a bit occasionally. Thanks for the reassurance and advice! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 From an earlier thread, it sounds like if you have no landline, it's a good idea to program the local fire and police department numbers into the phone. Even though they're non-emergency numbers, they go to the right place. Thank you. Ridiculously, this had not even occurred to me. The last time I contemplated the 911 issue, she didn't have a cell phone and no one was being left home alone, so it never crossed my mind since I figured it would be ME calling 911. I will definitely do this first thing in the morning. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted August 27, 2015 Author Share Posted August 27, 2015 Well, there goes that plan. We woke up this morning to find personal belongings and a police car in front of our house. It turned out that several cars in our neighborhood had been...not broken into, exactly, but burgled, I guess? One neighbor can't remember whether or not she locked her car; one believes she locked her car, but it looks like her keyless entry fob was close enough to the front of the house that it somehow enabled entry to the car, and we don't know about the third. Security camera footage from the neighbors across the street show the thieves exiting their next door neighbors' house in the wee hours and wandering around trying to get into the neighborhood cars. Apparently there was also evidence that they had been partaking of the mary jane while doing all of this. So the upshot is that we've now confirmed that our neighbors, whom we've always given the side-eye for various reasons but really tried to give the benefit of the doubt, are entertaining their sketchy friends 50 yards from our children. I think this may signal the end of the staying home experiment, at least for now. I'm so upset about all of this It's a long story, but these people are unlikely to move, ever. They own the house free and clear. So we'll have them living directly across from us as long as we live here :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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