What do you teach your kids about pot/alcohol?

[Halcyon]

My older son asked me today about alcohol and drinking (we've talked about this before) and i reiterated that some older teens will drink but often there is peer pressure involved, and often kids act stupid, etc etc. We also talked about driving while drunk (again we've talked about this before) and other such things.

 

He has read about the marijuana laws changing and asked me about that, and I was a bit flummoxed. Personally, I have no problem with someone smoking pot in their home assuming they aren't driving and know their limits. But obv, smoking pot is still illegal in most states and I wasn't sure what to tell him. Notably, the teen son of an acquaintance was actually kicked out of school for having a small amount of weed in his back pack (don't ask me how they found it) and that actually frightens me. It seems a huge overreaction, to be honest.

 

How honest are you with your kids about stuff like this? About the drinking or pot smoking you may or may not have done as a teen (or later in life)? My son asked me at one point if I ever drank alcohol before I was 21 and I said yes, i had some beer. Then he asked me if I ever got drunk, and I told him the truth. I did it once and got very, very sick and never did it again. 

[AK_Mom4]

Never Mix Pot and Alcohol unless you want to end up worshipping the Porcelain God.

 

 

Seriously...... I'm honest with my teens. Drinking age was 18 when I was young and I definitely did my share of drinking. Pot was also legal and I did my share of experimenting with that too. I then follow it up with my standard lecture about how terrible smoking ANYTHING is for your body. Same with drinking to excess or while driving.

 

They have all heard these lectures so much they can quote them.

[Wabi Sabi]

I've told my kids that alcoholism runs in our family and that is something they should keep in mind as they get older, especially my son. Every single male on my paternal side of the family is an alcoholic. He has seen how it has utterly ruined family members' lives, but he's also seen plenty of other adults drink responsibly in social settings. He's still quite young, of course, but given our family history I think it's something that we need to talk about often and from a very young age. 

As for marijuana, I've told him that I think it is safer than alcohol and that I suspect it will be legal where we live by the time he is older. That said, I've also stressed that pot is for adults to use responsibly, not for brains that are still developing, so I'd better never catch him with any while he's still a teenager.  :ohmy: 

I've been honest with him about my own experiences with alcohol and pot. I'm pretty forthright and truthful about such things with my kids. 

[kroe1]

We approach it from a religious perspective and a scientific one based on our own research. DD14 uses A Beka which also has very good teaching to reinforce our beliefs at home.

[Halcyon]

We approach it from a religious perspective and a scientific one based on our own research. DD14 uses A Beka which also has very good teaching to reinforce our beliefs at home.

 

 

What's the religious perspective? Not meant to be snarky, just not sure what this means. And the scientific one? Is pot better? Or wine?

[Chelli]

My dh and I are honest about our past experiences with pot and alcohol. Mine are minimal, but dh was quite the partier in college.

 

We also frame our discussion within our religious beliefs which means to obey the law of the land so no drinking until you are 21 and no pot at all (in our state it is illegal). We also talk about not being a glutton with drinking (aka getting drunk), and to stay sober-minded which would mean not using substances on a regular basis or to excess that would cause your judgment to be impaired.

[The Girls' Mom]

We've been honest about it.  We've also been honest about how easily you lose your inhibitions when under the influence of either drugs or alcohol.  We also have family that they have watched destroy their own lives because of addiction.  I think, hopefully, it has scared them straight.  We will see.  I'm sure they'll try a drink or two at some point.  

[regentrude]

We talked about the following since childhood

alcohol lowers inhibition and clouds judgement and may lead people to do stupid things

alcohol increases reaction time and affects judgement and driving under the influence is an absolute and utter no.

too much alcohol makes you sick, throwing up is disgusting

much too much alcohol can kill.

 

alcohol consumed in moderation and safe situations can be part of a balanced lifestyle - we as parents model responsible drinking

 

and for teens:

if they EVER find themselves in the situation that their driver has drunk alcohol or they are the driver and have drunk alcohol, call parent or call a cab, no questions asked

if they EVER suspect alcohol poisoning in a friend, call 911 - even if you have drunk alcohol yourself when you were not supposed to. Don't let a friend die for fear of getting in trouble.

 

I have no first hand experience with pot. I tell my kids to stay away from it completely because it is illegal and can get them in huge trouble which can't possibly be worth it. I think the jury is still out about conclusive health effects, but not wanting to land in jail seems a much stronger deterrent to me.

 

ETA: We have, of course, talked about addiction and alcoholism. However, since in the entire extended family we do not have a single alcoholic or drug addict, I am MUCH more concerned about teens doing something stupid or ending in an unsafe situation under the influence than I am about potential addiction.

[LucyStoner]

In addition to telling my older son and niece about the effects of substances and much the same as regentrude outlined, I have openly discussed that addictions run on both sides of each of their families and what might be just experimenting for others could very well be more for them.  My FIL died of alcohol related causes well before his time, and my dad is a recovering alcoholic.  My brother is also an alcoholic and addict.  I have also discussed the importance of never getting in a car with someone who has been drinking.  (Sadly this is largely to let my niece know that she can call me if her dad wants to drive them somewhere when she thinks he's been drinking).  

[Mom22ns]

I've always been completely open and honest.

 

The funny thing is, ds is ASD and so black and white, I end up arguing the "loosen up" perspective. He has grown up in a Baptist church and I'm not anti-drinking, so we talk about moderation, recognizing a problem with drinking, drunk driving, the risks of being drunk, etc. Then we discuss that a glass of wine is generally considered healthy, that most people can have an occasional drink without it causing a problem and some anti-judgement stuff. 

 

Drugs (including marijuana) aren't really a discussion. It is illegal here. The kids have done drug units in health so they aren't clueless. They don't have questions and know where I stand on that one, so it just really doesn't come up. We have talked about medical marijuana and the possibility of legalization, but it isn't a topic of interest.

 

ETA Regentrude was posted while I was typing, but she did a much better job of describing all that we have done on this topic.

[Catwoman]

Because my dh has cirrhosis, my ds15 knows he would be a fool to ever start drinking because the condition could be hereditary. My dh didn't drink and his doctors have repeatedly stressed how he would have probably become ill at a much younger age had he been a drinker. So my ds is very much anti-drinking.

 

Both my dh and I are anti-pot and anti-drugs and we hope our ds never starts using any kind of drugs. He is a very straight-and-narrow kind of teen, so we are hoping the trend continues! :)

[creekland]

My kids grew up watching mom and dad essentially not drink (a drink or two while on vacation, and the occasional social glass of wine) or use much of any type of med.  They've seen TV shows that show drunks and parties.  They've seen documentaries showing what drugs (including alcohol) do to the brain and body.  We've watched Bill Cosby's routine on drinking.

 

We allowed them sips of our drinks when on vacation.  We've discussed social light drinking vs partying.  We took middle son to Canada so he could have his first legal drink of his own with us.  Whenever they've wanted to, we could discuss it and it did come up reasonably often, after all, according to TV, that's "our" culture and they've all gone to college where it has been the culture of some.

 

I drank a little bit as a teen, but not to drunkenness.  Hubby grew up without a sip nor any desire to have one until after we were married.

 

Our kids seem to have inherited our genetics and preferences.  None have shown any interest in any sort of drugs or alcohol.

 

Middle son turns 21 today.  I asked him if he and his buddies had a bar and/or strip club picked out.  He smiled and said they were going to a new (to them) Cambodian restaurant that was famous for unique teas of various sorts and asked if that was close enough.   :coolgleamA:

[73349]

DS is still young, but we are of the You Are Going to Need All the Brain Cells You Have school of thought. I will share a few cautionary tales from the extended family as he gets closer to tweenagery.

 

If I had used either, I would tell him that--and when, and why, and what I felt were the consequences.

[Joker]

We've been open and honest and both dds have been the same in return. We would allow them sips of beer or wine if they want. They've only had alcohol at church for communion, though. They just have no desire. They also know pot is probably going to be legal everywhere before long but have zero desire to try that or smoking.

 

Oldest saw/heard about a bunch of her friends doing stupid things this year (first year of high school) and she finds it sad and stupid. She has ended up with basically a whole new group of friends and hardly talks to the old ones at all because of their behavior. So, I feel good so far about how we've handled things.

[Melissa in Australia]

I have been very factual with my children. they know how bad ALL drugs including cannabis are on the brain and the whole body- way way worse than the occasional drink. I don't know where all this pushing cannabis use as safe is coming form. Have you actually read what effect it has on not only on the brain but on the whole body as well as on the offspring of the drug user? it is NOT SAFE

 

I do not encourage alcohol use at all either, but it is a completely different kettle of fish. My children all know if they binge drink then they can look for somewhere else to live.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I tell my kids how my father got drunk every evening and passed out in his chair, then woke up every night, stumbled down the hall, woke up my mom and proceeded to bang her 4'11'' body against the walls of their bedroom while screaming at her and hitting her.  They know about the things that were worse, that I don't want to write about here.  They've never met my father because he died of alcoholic liver disease when he was just 53 (I was 20).

 

I tell them how my younger brother, at age 21, went to the lake on Memorial Day weekend in 1987, stayed up for at least 36 hours (no one knows what he was using that weekend), then crashed his little pickup into a guard rail on the way home, dying instantly.

 

I tell them about the other people in my family who died early due to alcohol related diseases, and their kids who went on to abuse drugs themselves.  

 

They can look at their cousins who used substances heavily through their high school and early twenties.  It was obvious that it messed them up and set them back years in their development, both physically and emotionally.

 

I point out that all the people from my past who drank heavily or did drugs regularly are either dead, or they stopped doing it a long time ago.  

 

They don't need to look far to see the affect that drugs and alcohol have on abusers and their families.  

 

So far, my kids have shown zero interest in using alcohol or drugs.  I hope they always see as clearly as they do now.

[gingersmom]

I have been having the conversation with my kids since they were young.

 

My basic message is just dont do it. I don't drink/do drugs, I'm trying to lead by example.

 

I discuss every article I come across that deals with teens/young adults drinking irresponsibly and harming themselves or others with my kids.

[gardenmom5]

my brother not only used, he grew and dealt. we had break-ins by his customers looking to get it for free.  they came at all hours.  My kids heard the stories of his and his friend's idiocy and how adversely it affected their lives.  one of his friends spent time in jail for dealing. the only reason my brother didn't also end up doing stint in jail was the police officer thought he was the customer - not the dealer.  most of his "druggie friends" who he actually socialized with were utter creeps - and since they were in our home, I was exposed to them.  my brother (and friends) repeatedly tried to get me to use drugs too. (one of them also attempted grooming me.)  I do disrespect my mother for not protecting me from them, and even forcing me to go places with my brother/sister and friends.

 

my brother went into the military to get his life on track (pay for college) and *away* from his druggie customers/suppliers/etc. we had them come by at all hours for SIX months after he left, looking for a score.  my brother is very ashamed of that period of his life - and he used *very strong* words to discourage his kids from even thinking about trying drugs. He knows firsthand it's not harmless. i wonder how much of his narcissism and controling behavior comes from that time.  granted he was 12 when he started, but I don't remember him being such a jerk before that.

my sister also used  - and her dh used for years until he finally quit.   he's now healthier.

 

none of my kids were ever interested (of my olders, the youngest is 22).  only one had friends who started using while they were friends - and he dropped them becasue he didn't want to be around it.

 

eta: we dont' drink, and neither do any of our kids. (considering they're adults and only one lives at home, I'd know if they did.)

[happypamama]

Haven't really discussed pot with them much. I think we did tell them once that it's legal in some states, but not ours, and it has some medicinal benefits. Beyond that, we really just told them that it's illegal here, so it doesn't really matter more than that at this point.

 

Alcohol -- it's illegal here until 21, no matter what, so it's a no go, even in our house. We've told them that it impairs common sense, and so you absolutely should not drink and drive or ride with anyone who has been drinking. We've told them that we won't mind if they drink responsibly when they're of age.

 

As for honesty? Really not any need to worry there. Neither DH nor I have ever smoked pot or cigarettes in our entire lives (I did tell them to promise me they'd never smoke cigarettes). I've never been even remotely tipsy because I don't like most alcohol and rarely drink. DH isn't a big drinker but will occasionally have a beer at a nice dinner. We're so boring. ;)

[umsami]

Pot hasn't come up yet.

 

Alcohol has slightly, but being Muslim, I just say that it's haram.  I add that there are Muslims who still choose to drink and that they had a gene from me that makes them more likely to have a problem with consuming alcohol in a safe manner.  I added that I never drank, even though being non-Muslim, because it tastes really nasty to me.   I've said if you're ever with friends who are drinking, do not ride in a car with them.  Call me.  You will not get in trouble, no matter what the time or the circumstances.

[3 ladybugs]

My oldest is only 6 so I haven't talked to him that much about it. However it has been on my mind for as long as I can remember on how I would teach them. My father was an alcoholic/drug abuser. Thankfully he clean nearly 19 years now. He was addicted to meth though. So this has made it so most of his teeth had to be pulled out. :( I am very proud of my father for getting over that. I have since learned that it is one of the most addictive drugs to get off of. 

 

I am hoping that when the time comes my father can be the one to tell my children the dangers of alcoholism and drug addiction. My father saw his father abuse alcohol and abuse my grandmother when he was drunk. My father was never abusive thankfully. I can tell my children of the fear I had as a child watching my parent go through it, however it is different when you have someone telling you that has lived it. I personally don't drink because of the fear that was put in me because of seeing what my father went through (and I wasn't even around when he got clean!). 

 

I would suggest that you reach out to someone, maybe a school and see if they can talk to your children about it. I think that sometimes hearing the other side of the dangers of it might be beneficial. 

[QueenCat]

Alcohol is treated as something that is fine in moderation, and that it is perfectly biblical to have it in moderation. We've taken the "don't do it" view with pot since it's currently illegal where we live, Probably would still take that view even if it wasn't.

[elegantlion]

Very honest, we were just discussing corkscrews and corks a few minutes ago. My advice? Buy the better corkscrew  :tongue_smilie:

 

Seriously, we have addiction issues on both sides of the family, so it's been ongoing conversations. I try to model responsible drinking, yet I remind him that he doesn't know his disposition for alcohol and his best bet is to NOT drink at all. So far, no issues. He doesn't like to feel out of control and he's able to stand alone in a crowd, so I hope it won't be an issue. 

 

Same thing as others, if you try alcohol don't drive, don't ride with someone who has been drinking. Call me, no judgment, I'll either come and get you or let you stay at someone's home. 

 

As for pot, we've also discussed it. At this point, it's illegal in our state and he knows the consequences for getting caught buying or possessing illegal substances. If it were legal, we might have a different discussion. Again, it's still no driving impaired, no driving with someone who is impaired and don't be stupid. If you're in a group and get caught, then you'll be the one in trouble even if it wasn't yours. So choose your friends wisely. 

[J-rap]

My kids are mostly 21 and over now, but we discussed drinking and drugs quite a bit growing up.  We talked to them about how they can affect your thinking, your health, your safety, and your brain.  We drank quite modestly in our home when our kids were growing up, with a glass of wine (or Scotch whiskey for my husband) only now and then.  Our kids knew we wouldn't support them drinking before 21, or drinking irresponsibly, ever.  They knew they could call us anytime, anywhere, if they were ever in a situation where the people they were with were drinking and they needed a ride home.  (That did happen.)

 

None of our kids drank even a sip (except communion  :)) until they were 21.   Interestingly, they never asked us about our own experiences, and we never volunteered it.  Actually, my husband drank and did some drugs early on, and I certainly had my share of drinking as a teen and young adult as well.  We didn't volunteer this information because  1)  It was in our past and  2)  I think sometimes even when the parents say that they made a poor decision to drink as teens/young adults, the children will think that their parents turned out okay, so it's okay if they drink irresponsibly from time to time as well.  If they DID ask me, I'd have been honest though.

 

We're not prudes.  My children who are 21 and over do enjoy a drink now and then.  But they are responsible and careful. 

[regentrude]

As for the difference between alcohol and pot, it is also worth mentioning that most people who drink alcohol do not do so because of the intoxicating effect - but because the beverage tastes good. We don't drink to have our brains impaired, we drink good wine because of the complex and wonderful taste. In contrast, the sole reason to consume pot is its effect on the nervous system.

It is important to discuss taste of alcoholic beverages and caution young people especially about alcopos and sweet cocktails - it is easy to consume more alcohol than intended when it is hidden in a sweet beverage.

[Joanne]

Many millions of people can recreationally, socially use them on occasion.

 

But my children won't be those people. Alcohol or other drugs in THEIR brains is a straight path to abuse, dependence, addiction.

 

And I tell everyone - don't ever, ever, ever do synthetics.

[Karen in CO]

I live in a pot-legal state. When my son was younger and pot was illegal, we had discussions about it, it's medical and recreational use and about legal issues. Like others, we specifically told him to call us for a ride, no questions asked and no recriminations, if he needed a safe ride.

 

Now that marijuana is legal, I have to have different conversations. I have pointed out the green plus sign on pot shops. We have talked about the public service billboards that remind people you have to be 21 to buy. I have pointed out the distinctive smell to the kids. It goes in the same category as my talks about alcohol (I do drink wine and the occasional mojito).

 

We talk about safety, education, moderation, health consequences, and other choices. It is weird to me because for most of my life, it has been illegal and part of a different conversation.

[regentrude]

And I tell everyone - don't ever, ever, ever do synthetics.

 

This.

You may remember that I posted about this last year when my friend's 17 year old son - the proverbial "good kid", life guard, college freshman - died after taking drugs at a party. It was heartbreaking, and I used the opportunity to talk with my kids.

With alcohol, there is a safety margin. With synthetic drugs, the ONE pill may kill you.

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Like all things I try to be honest with them.  To each their own, but I have no desire to try pot and I never have.  I talk about experiences I've had knowing people who smoked too much pot.  I do drink.  I talk about safety.  I talk about not drinking and driving, etc.

 

One thing I can't have any sort of reasonable conversation about is smoking cigarettes.  I have nothing to say regarding to each their own about that one.

 

I think it's good when our kids ask.  They trust us.  I didn't ask my parents about any of it.  They didn't seem to know how to talk about it. 

[Joanne]

I want to add that "modeling moderation" is useless if the consumer watching has a brain predisposed to addiction. It is an actual physical disease that progresses and a craving for MORE develops.

[Rosie_0801]

Mostly with dd, I talk about healthy choices, but I talk about that on all sorts of topics. My mother is hoping to become involved in medical marijuana trials, so that will eventually require more detailed conversation. She is also exposed to a person who is comfortable with a very lax attitude towards prescription drugs. We have conversations about what to do if she finds those things lying around.

[elegantlion]

I want to add that "modeling moderation" is useless if the consumer watching has a brain predisposed to addiction. It is an actual physical disease that progresses and a craving for MORE develops.

 

True, and I guess I mean modeling more than the advice to stop at one. I grew up with an alcoholic grandmother and parents who chose not to drink. I had a picture that everyone who drank to any amount were horrid alcoholics. I was very surprised as a young 18-19 year old to be working for a family that were wine connoisseurs and were lovely people. They weren't falling over passed out during get togethers. They weren't have to get rides home from bars like grandma. They knew wine and savored it. It was a different picture of alcohol than I had been exposed to previously. It changed my perception on drinking. 

 

So when I say model responsible drinking, I want ds to see that not everyone who drinks has a beer blow out party on the weekend or ends up passed out in the bathroom at the end of the evening. I know he'd be better off never drinking, I don't know that he'll always make that choice. 

 

I don't think alcohol is evil, I think addiction is evil. That is part of the conversations we have. 

[Starr]

What's not to tell a teenager? Tell them all you know and then some. I remind mine of the addiction in our family, the deaths from drugs, alcohol and smoking and general disfunction. 

[Halcyon]

I live in a pot-legal state. When my son was younger and pot was illegal, we had discussions about it, it's medical and recreational use and about legal issues. Like others, we specifically told him to call us for a ride, no questions asked and no recriminations, if he needed a safe ride.

 

Now that marijuana is legal, I have to have different conversations. I have pointed out the green plus sign on pot shops. We have talked about the public service billboards that remind people you have to be 21 to buy. I have pointed out the distinctive smell to the kids. It goes in the same category as my talks about alcohol (I do drink wine and the occasional mojito).

 

We talk about safety, education, moderation, health consequences, and other choices. It is weird to me because for most of my life, it has been illegal and part of a different conversation.

 

 

This is very interesting to me! I mean, otoh, you say to your kids "drugs are bad, they're illegal, don't use them" and then, whoops! the law changes LOL so your story does too ;) Not exactly but YKWIM, right? 

 

I just wonder how you explain to kids how something that was illegal becomes legal, and why that transition happened, particularly in the case of marijuana. I guess one would say "the state of Colorado decided over time that pot was not as big of a danger as originally though?" or something to that effect?

 

I am a 'moderate' drinker, meaning a glass of wine or a beer, and once every 6 months I might have a pina colada ;) If I were in a state where pot was legal, would I smoke? Probably not, but who knows--I have no moral issue with it, that's for sure. If my son decided at 21 to use pot sometimes and lived in a state where it was legal, would I disagree with his choice? Probably not, insofar as it didn't interfere with his life (same goes for alchohol). My sister uses medical marijuana, so it's something I want to be sure my kids understand. 

 

Sorry, just rambling here. It's just interesting because laws on this are currently in such flux in so many states, and are kids are right smack in the middle of bridging the "drugs are bad!" island and the "well, some are worse than others and so we'll make this one legal" island.

[Halcyon]

What's not to tell a teenager? Tell them all you know and then some. I remind mine of the addiction in our family, the deaths from drugs, alcohol and smoking and general disfunction. 

 

 

Well, tbh, i had some fun times drinking with my friends- "stories" about alchohol aren't always about addiction, death and dysfunction. Not to minimize that AT. ALL. but I recall with fondness getting together with friends and having a few drinks and dancing the night away. I want to be able to share that (or maybe I don't) without saying to them "So go out and get plastered! It's fun!!" LOL

[MBM]

Don't ever do synthetics is right.

 

There is a book called Buzzed that can help explain what the different drugs do. And like Joanne said, some people become addicted more easily than others and have trouble stopping. If you look at the ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences Study) there is a very strong correlation between the number of early childhood traumatic events and drug/alcohol addiction. Their brains change as a result of trauma. Then there could be other genetic factors, too.

[Halcyon]

True, and I guess I mean modeling more than the advice to stop at one. I grew up with an alcoholic grandmother and parents who chose not to drink. I had a picture that everyone who drank to any amount were horrid alcoholics. I was very surprised as a young 18-19 year old to be working for a family that were wine connoisseurs and were lovely people. They weren't falling over passed out during get togethers. They weren't have to get rides home from bars like grandma. They knew wine and savored it. It was a different picture of alcohol than I had been exposed to previously. It changed my perception on drinking. 

 

So when I say model responsible drinking, I want ds to see that not everyone who drinks has a beer blow out party on the weekend or ends up passed out in the bathroom at the end of the evening. I know he'd be better off never drinking, I don't know that he'll always make that choice. 

 

I don't think alcohol is evil, I think addiction is evil. That is part of the conversations we have. 

 

 

This. We drink moderately in our house, and I want my kids to know that's okay, if they so choose. And they might even drink too much once in a while--my "bright college years" at Yale were certainly peppered with evenings such as those, and I learned over time that it wasn't the right choice for me. But I want them to understand moderation, and the occasional night out with friends is okay. At the same time, I don't want to encourage them to drink too much. It's a fine line to walk. 

[regentrude]

 

I just wonder how you explain to kids how something that was illegal becomes legal, and why that transition happened, particularly in the case of marijuana. I guess one would say "the state of Colorado decided over time that pot was not as big of a danger as originally though?" or something to that effect?

 

I don't find that difficult. The issue with pot is that there is no conclusive scientific evidence that it is so detrimental that it must be banned. The law has finally caught up with that, in some states.

We discuss drug laws and their pros and cons frequently. Laws change all the time. A few years ago you could not buy alcohol on Sundays before 12 noon in our state - completely ridiculous.

 

Just because there is a law against something does not mean the activity is inherently dangerous to the person performing it, and it may not even be harmful to others. There are plenty of examples. But then, something being illegal and punished harshly is a compelling reason NOT to engage in the activity, whatever the scientific evidence may be.

[AnnE-girl]

My husband and I are moderate drinkers after partying a bit too much in college, although we both managed to still graduate with honors. Our kids have seen us drink wine with dinner or enjoy a beer on the patio on a summer afternoon. We have talked a little about the dangers of excessive drinking and drinking and driving in age-appropriate ways. DS often plays police officer and sometimes he'll pretend to pull over drunk drivers. He knows that it's something that can be part of a healthy life, but can also be dangerous if not consumed wisely.

 

While I am pregnant DH generally avoids alcohol with me because it's a social thing for us to have a glass of wine together at dinner, and it feels odd to him to do that alone. I've told the kids that I can't drink now because it's it good for the growing baby. I haven't felt the need to explain FAS to them at the ages of 6 and 8, but it's enough for them to know that sometimes we shouldn't be drinking for health reasons.

 

My children first learned about pot when we went to an event at our library to meet and learn about the K9 officer from police department. The handling officer talked about the dog being trained to sniff out drugs and my sweet, then 7-year-old, was the kid who asked "what are drugs?" The officer then hid some marijuana in a cabinet to demonstrate the dog's ability to sniff it out. We talked after that about the basics of what it is and why it's illegal. We'll deal with the potential for legalization when it comes along where we live.

 

I'm very clear about smoking cigarettes though. My grandfather died very young from heart disease that my dad always blamed on smoking. They know that it's an awful, unhealthy habit that's easy to start when you are young, but so very hard to quit when you want to later.

[Liz CA]

I don't find that difficult. The issue with pot is that there is no conclusive scientific evidence that it is so detrimental that it must be banned. The law has finally caught up with that, in some states.

 

This issue may have to be reconsidered once the brain spects of Dr. Amen and others who are using this technology are fully analyzed by neurologists.

[Katy]

I'm honest because my parents were honest with me.   I start with what my parents told me. They both went through phases where they were addicted to hard drugs when they were young, and made a lot of other stupid choices too.  They told me the choices they made, talked about addictions in the family, talked about potential consequences, and generally left me to make up my own mind.  For me that freed me to literally make up my own mind.  I didn't try anything in high school because it seemed stupid to me.  My parents being honest and non judgmental took away the rebellion factor for me.

 

When I left for college my dad (the chief of police at the time) called me to talk to me about drugs.  First, he didn't want me to go to fraternity parties, and if I did, go with friends and watch out for each other.  Then he went through drugs and made me promise to never try meth, heroin, or crack because I could be addicted with just one exposure.  Then he talked about cocaine, acid, ecstasy, and maybe some other things that I can't remember, and basically said be careful of the source and don't try them if I don't know the person well, because they are frequently contaminated.  Finally he got to pot and said to smoke all the pot I wanted, all that would do is make me fat  (just what a teenage girl wants!).

 

Then I talk about addiction, and addictions in the family, and how it's never a good thing to turn to substances to numb yourself instead of dealing with your feelings.

 

I also mention what I've learned about neuroscience, and a guy in my dorm who literally went crazy from tripping on acid  (yeah, I'm pretty sure he's still in a mental hospital, almost 20 years later - I think the acid triggered the schizophrenia he was genetically prone to).  I also get into how we don't really know the implications of how substances like that react with a growing brain.

 

We talk about medicinal uses, and the difference between medicinal uses and using drugs as an escape. 

 

And finally we talk about freedom (political, religious, and moral obligations).

 

Ultimately I let them decide, but so far none have decided to be reckless.  If they did I might switch strategies to tough love.

 

 

[KungFuPanda]

I tell my kids not to smoke the hippie lettuce, but repeatedly offer them tastes of wine. They always decline. I think the only thing my daughter ever tasted and liked was a mimosa. If they ever had an interest in tasting wine, their first communion killed that.

 

Are you all really telling your kids that alcohol kills brain cells? Really?

[Joanne]

This issue may have to be reconsidered once the brain spects of Dr. Amen and others who are using this technology are fully analyzed by neurologists.

 

I've observed professionally that chronic users of mj minimize the very, very real effects of memory loss, ambition killing, sleep, paranoia and anxiety issues.

 

Pot is not "benign".

 

In actual *occasional* or *recreational* use, it's not likely to be harmful, but the culture around it can be dangerous because of the dismissive attitude and the comparing it to other drugs (alcohol, nicotine) skews the issue.

[Katy]

I wish my parents had told me how to pretend to get wasted if/when I did decide to drink.  I have a high alcohol tolerance and I didn't like beer so when I did go out I got an inordinate amount of pressure to get falling-down drunk.   I wish someone had told me that if I'd just gone ahead and slammed the beer all those bubbles would have made me throw it up immediately and once that happened people would stop pressuring me to drink more.  A lot of my friends pretended to be lightweights by pulling such tricks, and ended up consuming basically the equivalent of some communion wine by the time the night was over.  They didn't tell me that till years later. As an adult I see we were all idiots, but I wish I'd known that trick at the time, when I was young and desperate to fit in.

[KungFuPanda]

 

But my children won't be those people. Alcohol or other drugs in THEIR brains is a straight path to abuse, dependence, addiction.

 

How do you even know that?

[regentrude]

I wish my parents had told me how to pretend to get wasted if/when I did decide to drink.  I have a high alcohol tolerance and I didn't like beer so when I did go out I got an inordinate amount of pressure to get falling-down drunk.   I wish someone had told me that if I'd just gone ahead and slammed the beer all those bubbles would have made me throw it up immediately and once that happened people would stop pressuring me to drink more.  A lot of my friends pretended to be lightweights by pulling such tricks, and ended up consuming basically the equivalent of some communion wine by the time the night was over.  They didn't tell me that till years later. As an adult I see we were all idiots, but I wish I'd known that trick at the time, when I was young and desperate to fit in.

 

I would much prefer to empower my kid so that they would make better choices of friends instead of hanging out with people who pressure friends to get drunk.

 

I am the ultimate light weight. I got drunk once in my life, from a single glass of homemade wine. It was a very humiliating experience and I took care never to repeat it. I never saw any of my friends drunk at any of our parties (and we did have lots of very fun parties).

Rather than teaching them tricks how to pretend to be drunk, I try my best to make sure they have enough spine to walk away from the idiots.

[Brit29]

In high school I was a part of NORML, and I lobbied/advocated for legalization in Colorado for several state elections. So my kids are aware (as much as they can be) about the pros and cons of mj.

 

When they are older, the discussion will change and become more in depth. While mj is not without cons, it also has very real benefits- something that is becoming more clear with clean, responsibly grown mj available in some states.

 

[Katy]

I would much prefer to empower my kid so that they would make better choices of friends instead of hanging out with people who pressure friends to get drunk.

 

I am the ultimate light weight. I got drunk once in my life, from a single glass of homemade wine. It was a very humiliating experience and I took care never to repeat it. I never saw any of my friends drunk at any of our parties (and we did have lots of very fun parties).

Rather than teaching them tricks how to pretend to be drunk, I try my best to make sure they have enough spine to walk away from the idiots.

 

Actually I did do that, and it backfired - people thought I was judging them and I had a harder time finding close friends.  Eventually I did find some friends that were more like me, but it took time, and I literally got put in a dangerous situation because someone had called campus security on some people on my floor, and because I was the only person who didn't party with them, everyone assumed it was me.  People that were on drugs started making threats because it was clear I was "the narc." I wasn't, but the whole situation was dangerous.  I wish I had known lying was an option.  I was too literal a thinker at the time and it didn't occur to me to be otherwise.

[Joanne]

How do you even know that?

 

Genetics. Science. Statistics.

 

In that regard, they are genetically screwed.

[Farrar]

Well, since pot was legalized here, we certainly smell it a lot more. I didn't think that was possible, but it turned out to be. I think that skunkweed smell is going to be the biggest deterrent, honestly. The kids scrunch up their noses at it.