nukeswife Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Yesterday we got a UPS delivery, which is pretty normal for us. We usually get 2-3 things a week via UPS. I went out to get the box and it was about 8"x8"x48" and I was all :confused1: "what the heck did I order" then I noticed it was actually for my 15 year old son and realized what it was, which led to the the thing I never thought I'd say.... "Everett, your new sword is here" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UncleEJ Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Lately, it has been "we DON'T argue with three year olds" 3yoDD is in a stage where she will tell 5yoDS anything in order to make him mad. And he is in a stage where he MUST correct her. For example: DD: Titus! I am 7 years old. DS: No you're not!!! You are three. DD: Yes I am. And my name is mud. DS: NOOO!! Your name is June and you are three! DD: Nuh-uh. The sky is purple. DS: JUNE!!! It is not! Me: Titus, do we argue with three year olds? DS: No... This happens like twelve times a day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Elephant Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 A priceless story! Thank you for the smile and laugh! I will give some thought to this in hopes of remember a funny of my own to add. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 :lol: O.k. here's one. "___________, please stop reading about the Pelopponesian wars NOW and come to dinner!" or a few weeks ago, after sitting through 2 hours of a documentary on WWI, me to DS "I know you are really excited about this but can we please wait to watch the last hour until tomorrow? I really want to go outside!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Don't lick your sister. Don't lick your sister's pillow Don't lick the dog....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Get your foot out of your lemonade! [said to a 3 year old] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Don't pee in the trash can/laundry hamper/front yard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Did you poop out front? IN THE BUSHES?? REALLY?? Oh, man, no wonder the neighbors won't talk to us! Said to a 3yo little boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Don't pee in the trash can/laundry hamper/front yard. Oh, yes! Didn't read that in no "What to Expect..." book! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Don't put m&ms up your nose Don't take off your pants at church (said to Bug at age 4) Don't lasso the dog Don't lasso your sister Two of my favorite conversations with (about age 7) Punk: Me: don't bite your sister Punk: but mom, I'm a carnivore! Me: why did your dinosaur bite your sister? Punk: mom, there is no way this dinosaur bit her. Me: okay. I know it is just a toy. Why did YOU make it bite her? Punk: this dinosaur is being unfairly accused. He would never bite anyone. He is an herbivore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 [in a bookstore right after buying books] Get your hand out of your pants! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "No, we can't go to the playground. If we don't start mummifying this chicken right now it's going to go bad." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "When WAS the last time you took a shower?" I now have a teen boy. "Why are you putting on makeup and fixing your hair at 6am when we aren't going anywhere today?" I have a pre-teen girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Wipe the blood off your cello when you're finished practicing. Haven't you done enough math today? Put some pants on. You must wear pants when you cook. You can't go outside without pants. Underwear are not the same as pants. No, you can't do your homework in Futhark. Not in Phoenician either. No, I don't need you to write my grocery list in the alphabet you are inventing. No, not in Klingon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "You may NOT run across the coffee table! Just WALK on it nicely." "Let go NOW, or I'm going to take away ALL of your books!!" said to DD while wrestling a novel out of her hand way past bedtime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Don't use the baby as a weapon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "No naked gymnastics." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "If you're not going to wear your coat, at least put it in the car." Why would I think my son would be different from me as a teen, I hated wearing coats. He'll wear a light jacket when it's 20 outside and no gloves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 That is MY chocolate. Don't touch it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 To DH: "BROWN ALERT!" I'll just let you guys figure that one out... it's pretty gross! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Don't lick your sister. Don't lick your sister's pillow Don't lick the dog....... Don't lick the toilet, especially not in WALMART! No blowing bubbles in toilets with straws. You stink. GO GET IN THE SHOWER RIGHT NOW! to the same kid not a year later: GET OUT OF THE SHOWER RIGHT NOW! 4 OTHER PEOPLE NEED HOT WATER TOO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Stop licking your brother. Did you try to draw a tatoo on your brother's butt? Holding your penis harder does not make the pee come out faster. A can of pineapple is not an adequate breakfast. It doesn't hurt because I haven't even touched it yet. You can't handle owning a booklight or flashlight because you won't get enough sleep. Here, pee in this bottle. Don't wipe boogers on the car door. Stop crawling into the dryer. Close the door! (About ten billion times.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Oh my, I can't believe I forgot this one: No putting stickers on your penis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 No, your penis is not a hook for hanging the sandbox shovel on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Put your book down and finish your French fries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "Who tinkled in a grocery bag and hid it behind the bathroom door?" Interesting that so many of the answers involve boys and peeing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strawberries Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "I wonder if anywhere will have a Black Friday deal on dissection kits?" "If you hadn't drawn a pooping butt on the periscope, we wouldn't have had to throw it away." "Get the baseball bat out of the cheese!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlgirl Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Don't throw the baseball in the house for the dog! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Do not shove the shampoo bottle on your brother's penis. (It was one of the travel size bottles that the 5 yr old shoved onto 2 yr old's penis. Yes, it got stuck. Yes, he cried.) Do not put your penis in the nut hole. (We had a wooden tool set with wooden nuts and bolts. 2 yr old decided to adorn his penis with one. Yep, got stuck. Yep, splinter. Yep, splinter....there) You are not a cat. You poop in the toilet, NOT the litter box. If you make Mommy brownies, you can skip math. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 No, your sister's penis did not fall off. This has got to set a record for WTM posts with the word "penis" in them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Don't put your brother on the roof! Don't launch your brother with the bean bag chair! (I never knew those things were so dangerous before having boys) Please stop tying your stuffed minion to the ceiling fan. You're gonna break it. I am not scoring a sentence you wrote in binary code. Try again in cursive. We forgot to lock the door last night. ______'s pajama pants are outside again. (he keeps sleepwalking and peeing outside) Don't pee in the stuffed toys! (although the poor kid was sleepwalking so me yelling wasn't very nice) Don't pee on the couch! (same kid) Don't pee on visitors tires! You aren't a dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 No, your sister's penis did not fall off. This has got to set a record for WTM posts with the word "penis" in them. The best "penis" conversation I ever had was when Punk was 3 and potty training. When DH was home they would go potty together. Punk: did you know daddy has a penis? Me: yes, I did. Punk: did you know that it is just like mine but bigger? (Includes hand motioning of size) Me: (trying not to laugh) I did know that. Punk: mom......how do you know so much about daddy's penis? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "No! No more bomb making until after we go to the library." (when boys went through stage of making vinegar/baking soda 'bombs' in pop bottles.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Seems it is our sons who provide most of the quotable moment opportunities.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maryanne Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 "You may not have any more carrots until you have finished your pizza." Said when ds was probably 18 months old and would eat nothing but cooked carrots if allowed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Seems it is our sons who provide most of the quotable moment opportunities.... Maybe it is because we are less prepared for what they come up with? Sister has had some doozies, but non were outside of my experience. I didn't grow up with brothers so the boys tend to hit me from not just "left field" but from "I didn't even know that field existed"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondeviolin Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 We have also had the penis/shampoo bottle talk. Also, "It's probably not a good idea to wrap your penis in duct tape." *a few minutes later* "Now you know why..." This thread raises my hopes about my son. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 "Stop hitting that Flying Monkey with the poop! You might break the poop! " (NO ONE was more surprised than me that this came out of my mouth) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 "You may not have any more carrots until you have finished your pizza." Said when ds was probably 18 months old and would eat nothing but cooked carrots if allowed. Me to the 4yo: Stop eating all those carrots, you'll ruin your appetite for dinner! Said to my 4yo who will eat a whole large bag of baby carrots in one sitting, if allowed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Get the ferret out of the oven. and my new favorite...Hey! Stop blowing and sucking that mouse! Ds had his mouse in an empty wrapping paper tube. He and his friend were blowing and sucking to get the mouse to move to their end of the tube. I was totally aghast...utterly shocked! :scared: poor mouse. Oh, and ...Stop barking at the hot dogs. said to dd in the grocery store. At moments like this, dh usually steps a few feet away and says, "boy, I bet that kid's parents are embarrassed." :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Condessa Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 "Only children who stay on topic get to do math upside down." As dd is doing a headstand on the couch and starting to chatter between answering math questions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saw Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Why did you put putty in your pull-up? Apparently, to find out if it glows in the dark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 "Only children who stay on topic get to do math upside down." As dd is doing a headstand on the couch and starting to chatter between answering math questions. I've had to say this one many times! To add to the penis category: "I promise, if you leave it alone for a little while, it won't go anywhere!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 Don't lick your sister. Don't lick your sister's pillow Don't lick the dog....... In the same vein.... Don't lick the dresser. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 If you get your driver's license, I'll let you get a tattoo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 "If you're going to squeezie, don't do it on me." Squeezie = fart. I hope nobody thinks that girls are somehow immune from thinking farts are hilarious and a great weapon... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 "No pole vaulting in the house." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 "No parkour in the house!" (Said to a 3yo :huh: ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 "I know it was you that wrote on the wall. You wrote your name. It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure this out." "Your sister did not bite herself on the middle of her back." Around here we have random disturbing things people say in the context of video games: "Everyone wants to be the serial killer." "Drink this and you won't die." "Hold on, I've almost wiped out humanity." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 The best "penis" conversation I ever had was when Punk was 3 and potty training. When DH was home they would go potty together. Punk: did you know daddy has a penis? Me: yes, I did. Punk: did you know that it is just like mine but bigger? (Includes hand motioning of size) Me: (trying not to laugh) I did know that. Punk: mom......how do you know so much about daddy's penis? This made me laugh so hard. That's a whole nother conversation isn't it? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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