Moxie Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 DH and I have run out of things to talk about. Bummer. We went out to lunch today and literally ate in silence. We had not ONE THING to talk about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Maybe it's cyclic? I know there are times when I feel like I have nothing to contribute to a conversation beyond when the cat needs a distemper booster. Scintillating. But then things right themselves. Sorry you're frustrated, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I feel that way sometimes. This December will make 17 years for me and hubby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 DH and I have run out of things to talk about. Bummer. We went out to lunch today and literally ate in silence. We had not ONE THING to talk about. My DH and I are like that these days - in his case, he is checking his work email on his iphone when we eat out (his work is always busy). And I have grown used to it and I am OK with it. I eat quietly without pulling out my phone! Better to keep quiet when you have nothing to say. Silence is golden :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted June 12, 2014 Author Share Posted June 12, 2014 Maybe it's cyclic? I know there are times when I feel like I have nothing to contribute to a conversation beyond when the cat needs a distemper booster. Scintillating. But then things right themselves. Sorry you're frustrated, though. As we were eating, I was trying to think about what to talk about. Gave the boys haircuts. Trying to clean the office. Did a couple loads of laundry. Watched some YouTube videos on spring cleaning. My life is just one party after another!! No wonder I have nothing to talk about! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 You could have talked about the crazy people from the board. Nah, when I do that, DH always says, "If it bothers you so much, why do you read it?" Really, how do I even answer that?!?! :coolgleamA: He just doesn't get it. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I actually save subjects to talk about. When I read or see something interesting, I try to remember to talk to DH about it later when we have some conversation time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly1730 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 34 years here and we have days like that. He works from home, we school at home so we are together A LOT! It's like we have all our conversations in passing, when he comes down to the kitchen from the office etc. that when we actually sit down together we don't have any "news" to share. I sometimes sit there and try to think of something to ask him about that I don't already know :ohmy: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 As we were eating, I was trying to think about what to talk about. Gave the boys haircuts. Trying to clean the office. Did a couple loads of laundry. Watched some YouTube videos on spring cleaning. My life is just one party after another!! No wonder I have nothing to talk about! Ok, enough with the bragging about your glamorous life! You're making the rest of us feel like losers. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Maybe they have decks of cards with conversation starters. Hehe...hey sometimes you need a nudge in some departments. The homeschool version: "Share with your spouse/significant other.... one of today's disgusting events involving body fluids. one of today's events involving two or more children and a weapon of some sort. one of today's events that involve hiding necessary school supplies to delay the inevitable. one of today's events that involved using the phrase, "Wait until your Farther/Mother/My Significant Other gets home!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 The homeschool version: "Share with your spouse/significant other.... one of today's disgusting events involving body fluids. one of today's events involving two or more children and a weapon of some sort. one of today's events that involve hiding necessary school supplies to delay the inevitable. one of today's events that involved using the phrase, "Wait until your Father/Mother/My Significant Other gets home!" :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 As we were eating, I was trying to think about what to talk about. Gave the boys haircuts. Trying to clean the office. Did a couple loads of laundry. Watched some YouTube videos on spring cleaning. My life is just one party after another!! No wonder I have nothing to talk about! There are YouTube videos on spring cleaning? Wow. Learn something new every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Maybe they have decks of cards with conversation starters. Hehe...hey sometimes you need a nudge in some departments. Or, you know, you could just skip the conversation deck and get cards with another kind of ... ummm... starter. :) Who needs to talk? 15 years of marriage here, too. 26 years madly in love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 We've been together 16 years. Married 12. We save "future" vacation planning (dreaming more like) and open ended conversations for our alone times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Maybe they have decks of cards with conversation starters. Hehe...hey sometimes you need a nudge in some departments. Wait! This is a flippin' awesome restaurant niche idea! "The Chat Café." The feature of the restaurant is the Table Topics deck on the table. The point is, while you wait for your meal, you use the topics with your dinner companions. Also good if they have decent microbrews. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-M- Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 DH and I have run out of things to talk about. Bummer. We went out to lunch today and literally ate in silence. We had not ONE THING to talk about. Are you looking for sympathy or suggestions or both? If sympathy, you have mine. While it hasn't yet happened to us (married 28 years, together for 32), I know that it could -- to us, to anyone. If you'd like suggestions, here are two: Have a book club. My husband listens to the book (or lectures or podcasts, as we've done that, too) we choose on his commute, and I read it in text. Sometimes the girls join us, but often it's just something we're interested in -- for example, recently we read a book on big data together. Develop a similar interest. My husband and I have many -- learning new musical instruments, archery, biking, attending plays and concerts, etc. We are now in the process of registering for literacy tutor training. All of this ensures we have plenty to talk about. Maybe you folks just had a bad day? Wishing you a lovely lunch in the very near future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildiris Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Wait! This is a flippin' awesome restaurant niche idea! "The Chat Café." The feature of the restaurant is the Table Topics deck on the table. The point is, while you wait for your meal, you use the topics with your dinner companions. Also good if they have decent microbrews. Awesome idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Enjoy the silence. (cue DM) It can be another sign of love that you can sit and enjoy each other's company without having to fill the air. Try not to let it stress you. When I have time to really listen to the news or podcasts I find it a lot easier to make adult conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I love to hear my DH's opinion on current events. I also like to vent about friends, neighbors etc. who are bugging me. Sometimes -- rarely -- we talk about an awesome movie. Or why one of us liked it. I have a 1/8-time job and I love to vent about one of my bosses. He listens and always backs me up. Which is cute. It always amazes me that after 24 yrs. together he'll sometimes talk about childhood memories that I've never heard before. That's always a shocker. We've changed as people through the years so sometimes it feels like I'm sitting w/ a different person. Don't get me wrong: we have plenty of times when it feels like there's nothing to discuss. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Maybe they have decks of cards with conversation starters. Hehe...hey sometimes you need a nudge in some departments. These do exist... http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/s/ref=is_s_ss_i_1_17?k=conversation+starter+cards&sprefix=conversation+star Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I've felt like that. What's helped me is occasionally reading the news and joining Twitter. On Twitter I follow certain categories (education, cooking, books, Smithsonian, Time, stuff our state), some I'm really interested in and a few dh is into. I'll scroll through my feed and read some articles and BAM I'm set with a few conversation starters. Plus there's always Apples and Oranges. It's a 'Would you rather...?" style game. "Would you rather move to Timbuktu or Vladivostok?" Or that pencil and paper version of the game Telephone where you each draw a picture, fold the paper--write what you think it is, fold the paper--draw the sentence, fold the paper--describe the picture in writing. Then stop and unfold everything to see how you got where you are. I notice that a lot of times when there's nothing to talk about we're both tired. Sometimes you just need to be silent and rest in each other's company. It isn't that there isn't anything to say, it's that your brain isn't functioning on that level. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 We go through phases like this, too. (21 years here.) I think it's more about the fact that we are on the same page about SO much now and also the fact that there are seasons where we're just chugging along doing our thing, nothing new, kwim? Right now, dh is starting a new job and we're both excited so we have lots to talk about. Sometimes we talk about the books we're reading or a movie or other stuff that is quite possibly lame to other people. lol We don't *need* to talk about the kids as much as we used to--which seemed to be all we could talk about 10 years ago!--although we do when something comes up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 As we were eating, I was trying to think about what to talk about. Gave the boys haircuts. Trying to clean the office. Did a couple loads of laundry. Watched some YouTube videos on spring cleaning. My life is just one party after another!! No wonder I have nothing to talk about!Okay. I'll bite. What's wrong with talking about that stuff? We chat about about Every Thing. All the time. Me during our phone convo: Passed a level in candy crush, boys found a Ping pong table on the side of the road and between the four of them carried it home, me and the girls pulled weeds out of the garden, prayed the rosary, there's thumb sized butternut squash growing wild in the compost pile, the kids broke the ceiling fan - no witnesses have come forward, the dog had The Fart to End All Farts right in front of me while I was getting ready to pop a blueberry in my mouth and it nearly killed me, what should I take for knitting project night? I need to make a hat for a son by the end of the month for his trek in the wilderness. I need three shades of orange to make a Jayne hat for him and I'll have to order it and I sure hope the colors are true to the pics online. Redid the chore list. Some gal is saying she has nothing to talk to her dh about after 15 years of marriage. Just sits silently through lunch with nothing to say. Dh during same convo: Where you at now on candy crush? I'll send you a life thingy. Great, is it in decent condition? I'll bring home pingpong balls and paddles. Hmmm. How bad are the weeds? Did you not put enough mulch down? A whole rosary? That's nice. I saw the orange blossoms on the compost, hope our tomatoes take off soon, how'd they break the bleep fan?! I have to stand on a ladder that's on their bunkbed to change the friggin light bulb! How'd they manage to get ONE blade down and not notice? Ugh. Why do we have the horse again? Oh yeah. The boy loves it. Take your storm cloud mini shawl thingy. Buy whatever yarn. I can't believe you HAVE to order yarn...*snicker* All I want to know is who to yell at about socks. I don't know why you bother to keep making it a chore to sort socks. None of them do it. There's socks everywhere. I don't even think some of them are our kids' socks. You know what I bet he'd appreciate talking about? Getting a hotel room. (Me - haha.) Are you eating dinner before you go or should I save something for you? Me: I have no idea. Depends what you are making for dinner and if it's ready before I have to go. Dh: I'm not in the mood to cook. You cook. Me: *yells Which one of you kids is making dinner tonight? stampede among the kids results in a volunteer to make chili dogs* Okay. Y'all are having chili dogs. Dh: alright. I gotta go. See you later love you bye Me: ditto What's wrong with that? We have also been known to play words with friends while waiting for dinner on our date night. Yeah. We're just the most exciting of couples too. I don't mind though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Well, I've been married for 18 years and know what you're talking about. However, is it even worse that he and I often repeat stories and bits of news when we don't have anything to say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 If you're looking for ideas... My husband and I have always enjoyed talking about world events, faith, and politics. Add to that trying to analyze the human psyche and you have a never-ending selection of topics! During the years when I was just home with kids all day long doing really nothing else, I still had NPR on in the background and that gives you lots of ideas for discussing interesting topics. Can you listen to the world news and pick a topic that sounds interesting? Even if you disagree with it. Sometimes disagreeing with something gives you even more incentive to talk! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I feel that way sometimes too. I think for us, we're out of practice. At this point in our lives we don't have the chance to spend very much time alone together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Antagonize each other's parents, then you can talk about your in-laws--whether they're crazy or not. DH's crazy FIL has provided all kinds of discussion topics. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 DH and I have run out of things to talk about. Bummer. We went out to lunch today and literally ate in silence. We had not ONE THING to talk about. That is okay if you both are okay with it. But if you are not then I want to give you a hug because that is a scary place to be. Can you talk to him about not feeling like you have anything to talk about? I know my DH and I went through patches where it was hard to come up with anything to talk about other than the kids. We needed to develop some common interests and get to know each other. Of course there are other times where we probably bore each other since we are talking about things the other doesn't care about. Can you talk about current events, future plans, dreams? Hopefully this is just a stage if it isn't something you aren't comfortable with, and you can address it before it gets worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 I had to laugh at Martha's examples because this is what happens here after 27 years and it's life and we consider it conversation. Sometimes I say deliberately something controversial. We often dream about fixing this or that or what it would take to transform something or where to buy a house and where not. Planning vacations or weekend jaunts is another favorite pastime. Checking Netflix and critiquing movies (you can't do it during lunch in a restaurant) but perhaps later. Some days we are just talked out. When that happens I like to at least moan and groan loudly to penetrate the silence. :) :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted June 12, 2014 Share Posted June 12, 2014 Current events? Politics? Your family? Your extended families? A trip you would like to take? Nothing to talk about? That is very bad for you relationship. I read a few of the first replies to your thread and obviously this is not an uncommon problem. I usually go into the kitchen in the mornings, when my wife is making our Breakfast and we talk and I keep her company, while she is working on our Breakfast. If nothing else, I can tell her about current events. I'm usually up very early, working on our web sites, etc., and I read the news, so maybe something interesting to tell her about that I read in the news. If nothing else, we can talk about what the Presidents of the USA and Colombia are doing or not doing. I believe that my wife tells me things about people in her family, for example, that she would not tell anyone else. When our new Netflix service was working properly, she would invite me to watch movies with her. Next month will be 17 years for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Maybe they have decks of cards with conversation starters. Hehe...hey sometimes you need a nudge in some departments. My mom makes up conversation starters and writes them on a piece of paper. When she and my stepdad go on long trips, she will sneak a peek into her purse to remember what to talk about. She says she does it to keep him alert while he's driving! :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I agree with talking about current events! Grab a newspaper, split the sections between you and start reading together at a coffee shop or bookstore with cafe or something. At some point you'll each find a story to gab about and you can share your thoughts. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I knew a woman who told me that if she was going out with her dh for dinner they would purposely avoid texting each other for the day before, so that they would have something to talk about: no little updates on the kids, or what broke around the house, or weekend plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 The homeschool version: "Share with your spouse/significant other.... one of today's disgusting events involving body fluids. one of today's events involving two or more children and a weapon of some sort. one of today's events that involve hiding necessary school supplies to delay the inevitable. one of today's events that involved using the phrase, "Wait until your Farther/Mother/My Significant Other gets home!" Oh you mean like my day today... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Oh you mean like my day today... Hmmm, yes I can see how weapons would lead to body fluids which could require a 'wait until your xxx gets home.' Definitely bonus point for using more than one conversation starter in the same conversation! Well done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 At first I thought you were trying to say this was already out there. No this is an idea! I love it!! I would go to that restaurant. DH and I like quiz games. Any kind of quiz games. That's sort of like that. We would go for that. We actually don't have trouble coming up with stuff to talk about. We can both talk A LOT. But sometimes we just like something like a game to focus on or that sort of thing. Don't know where you live, but Milt's Kosher BBQ in Chicago IL http://www.miltsbbq.com/ has these cards (conversation starters and quizzes) on each table. They also make awesome (kosher) food and they give all their profits to charity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 As we were eating, I was trying to think about what to talk about. Gave the boys haircuts. Trying to clean the office. Did a couple loads of laundry. Watched some YouTube videos on spring cleaning. My life is just one party after another!! No wonder I have nothing to talk about! So why not talk about those things? Yeah, they're mundane and you don't find it thrilling, but it's still your life and I know my husband in interested in the mundane things I do. (Been married 16 years; I still run my mouth, usually about boring stuff.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Okay. I'll bite. What's wrong with talking about that stuff? We chat about about Every Thing. All the time. Me during our phone convo: Passed a level in candy crush, boys found a Ping pong table on the side of the road and between the four of them carried it home, me and the girls pulled weeds out of the garden, prayed the rosary, there's thumb sized butternut squash growing wild in the compost pile, the kids broke the ceiling fan - no witnesses have come forward, the dog had The Fart to End All Farts right in front of me while I was getting ready to pop a blueberry in my mouth and it nearly killed me, what should I take for knitting project night? I need to make a hat for a son by the end of the month for his trek in the wilderness. I need three shades of orange to make a Jayne hat for him and I'll have to order it and I sure hope the colors are true to the pics online. Redid the chore list. Some gal is saying she has nothing to talk to her dh about after 15 years of marriage. Just sits silently through lunch with nothing to say. Dh during same convo: Where you at now on candy crush? I'll send you a life thingy. Great, is it in decent condition? I'll bring home pingpong balls and paddles. Hmmm. How bad are the weeds? Did you not put enough mulch down? A whole rosary? That's nice. I saw the orange blossoms on the compost, hope our tomatoes take off soon, how'd they break the bleep fan?! I have to stand on a ladder that's on their bunkbed to change the friggin light bulb! How'd they manage to get ONE blade down and not notice? Ugh. Why do we have the horse again? Oh yeah. The boy loves it. Take your storm cloud mini shawl thingy. Buy whatever yarn. I can't believe you HAVE to order yarn...*snicker* All I want to know is who to yell at about socks. I don't know why you bother to keep making it a chore to sort socks. None of them do it. There's socks everywhere. I don't even think some of them are our kids' socks. You know what I bet he'd appreciate talking about? Getting a hotel room. (Me - haha.) Are you eating dinner before you go or should I save something for you? Me: I have no idea. Depends what you are making for dinner and if it's ready before I have to go. Dh: I'm not in the mood to cook. You cook. Me: *yells Which one of you kids is making dinner tonight? stampede among the kids results in a volunteer to make chili dogs* Okay. Y'all are having chili dogs. Dh: alright. I gotta go. See you later love you bye Me: ditto What's wrong with that? We have also been known to play words with friends while waiting for dinner on our date night. Yeah. We're just the most exciting of couples too. I don't mind though. This is about how it goes for us, too. It is not a problem for us, and I can't tell if it is a problem for the OP to not have anything to talk about with her dh. Also, if either of you (or both of you) are introverts, it might be a bit quiet. I married an introvert, but he has plenty of words to say to me because he works out of our house and is not completely drained by being around an office full of people all day. I, on the other hand, am rarely at a loss for words. We have things to talk about at lunch or dinner. After 8 pm, though? Forget it. We are both toast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 DH never has much to talk about. I can always find things to talk about and run my mouth! :lol: Sometimes DH doesn't really care to listen though. :glare: In a couple of weeks, we will have been married 19 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMommy Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I need to make a hat for a son by the end of the month for his trek in the wilderness. I need three shades of orange to make a Jayne hat for him and I'll have to order it and I sure hope the colors are true to the pics online. You had me at Jayne hat! But, you also described most of the conversations that DH and I have. I don't understand why people think if you're not talking about something complex, you're not really talking. The day-to-day stuff is what keeps this house going, and we love talking about it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 We go through phases like that. Mostly we talk about the kids, then we worry that when the kids are up and out we won't have anything to talk about, so we try to talk about other things and sometimes can't find a topic. Sometimes companionable silence is fine but in a restaurant it feels awkward. I try to spend a little time reading something of general interest during the day so I have some things to bring up. I'll tell him about a book I'm reading either with the kids or on my own. My husband is pretty interested in current events and politics so sometimes I ask him questions about a headline I've seen but didn't follow up on. I try to limit talking about other people too much... what is that saying... here, found it quite easily: Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. (attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt but I thought it was someone else... Dorothy Parker maybe?) I think discussing one's own children doesn't fall into the category of small minds though. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 I find I need to talk "at" my husband for a bit, to vent and describe and get some "this is my life today--I need you to relate" time. Then I'll stop and we'll just look at each other for a second, and one of us will say, "So how ARE you, anyway?" And then we talk-talk. You know, "heart stuff." Me more than him, but I can draw him out if I'm not too critical and don't run on and on. He talks better after we've have our together time (IYKWIM). He also doesn't want to talk about work on vacation--his work is connected to my spiritual life (he's the priest at my church!) so I've learned to separate out the talk about the church and just focus on my spirituality w/o the setting or the other people to give him a break when he needs it. 29 years in July!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 13, 2014 Share Posted June 13, 2014 Don't know where you live, but Milt's Kosher BBQ in Chicago IL http://www.miltsbbq.com/ has these cards (conversation starters and quizzes) on each table. They also make awesome (kosher) food and they give all their profits to charity. Well, that's just plain cool. I wonder what gave them the idea of conversation starters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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