debodun Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I received a phone call from a woman I used to work with before I retired. She mentioned that her daughter was having a milestone birthday this year and asked if I would sell her an item I have that is a very rare and valuable antique that she knows I own so she could give it to her daughter as a gift. I told her I really didn't want to sell it, but she responded that she would pay any price I asked. This made me feel awkward. I really don't want to sell it, yet this woman had helped me through some tough times. Added to this is that I know what the value of this object is, but I also know what a manipulator she is. My gut feeling is that once she gets what she's been after me to sell to her for years, she will drop me as a friend. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Could you tell her the item has been promised to some one else when you are ready to sell it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 She's asked you to sell it for years? Say, "it's not for sale." See if you can leave it at that. I don't know how firm you were with your words but I think, "it's not for sale" sounds firmer than, "I don't really want to sell it" which sounds like someone that might waver. :iagree: Don't do it. Friendship isn't bought or manipulated. If she drops you after you give her your firm NO, then she was never really your friend to begin with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 She can find some other item for her dd. Keep your item and drop this "friend". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 She is not a friend, period. I can't imagine calling a person like that a friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VaKim Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 She's asked you to sell it for years? Say, "it's not for sale." See if you can leave it at that. I don't know how firm you were with your words but I think, "it's not for sale" sounds firmer than, "I don't really want to sell it" which sounds like someone that might waver. Exactly. Don't leave room for argument, or for her to in any way think there is a possibility. "I am sorry, but absolutely not," or something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 She is coveting what you have, I don't know how well you think you know her, but I would probably put it in a safe locked place. I wouldn't trust her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debodun Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 I did leave it to her in my will, but it appears now that she doesn't want to wait for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gil Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I did leave it to her in my will, but it appears now that she doesn't want to wait for that. Does she knows she gets it when your gone? I wouldn't tell her, she might have you offed... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Stand firm. It's not for sale. That's all you have to say about it, and either walk away or hang up the phonecif she persists. Have you considered that she might have helped you in order to manipulate you into feeling indebted to her? I also recommend putting this woman out of your life and changing your will. She is bad news and is only in your life for one reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I did leave it to her in my will, but it appears now that she doesn't want to wait for that. I wouldn't even go that far unless no one in my family would want it afterward. I'm another who has been wondering if she's been being nice to you solely to get this item. I can't fathom any friend I have doing something like this - nor me doing anything like it to any of my friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Just how odd..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Well, is she normally a good friend? What was your friendship like before she learned you had this item? Is this the one thing (or one of the few things) that you guys come back to and still never see eye to eye about? Have you been "very plain" about the item: "No, Irma dear, you know that I love you and cherish our friendship, but that Antique means a lot to me and it is not for sale. Not now, not ever. I will not sell it to you, my bossom friend, I know you will not hold it against me at our Sunday tea that I will not, under any circumstances, sell my beloved and cherished antique. Not even to you my bosom friend, right?" I don't think that friends have to always agree or that they can't have a short list of things that they just dont agree about. If you think there is more to this friendship than just her coveting your item, then I wouldn't be so quick to throw her out of my life. I mean, you've bequeathed the rare item to her, so clearly you want her to have it, but only once you are done enjoying it during your time. I know a lot of people and many of whom I consider friendly acquaintances. I wouldn't put them in my will though so I think the fact that you did means something. How long has it been since she's spoken to you? Did she call for the first time in several months or years to ask for the antique or did she just blindside you with a call and ask about the item. ETA: Oh, yeah. If she knows she is bequeathed the item, then that is just crazy of her. If she doesn't know then...I think the others have said it all already Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hikin' Mama Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 She can find some other item for her dd. Keep your item and drop this "friend". Exactly what I was going to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Just tell her no. No means no. If she asks again say the same thing (and repeat as many times as necessary). It is your item and you have every right to keep it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 My guess is that this person saw your item on Antiques Roadshow or something and thinks she can make $$$ selling it. I don't believe for one nanosecond that it is for her dd. As pp said, keep it locked up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Why are you even asking? Just from the very title of this thread it's very clear you don't want to sell and don't really like this person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debodun Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 I think trulycrabby and creekland expressed what I was feeling - that she cultivated a seeming friendship just to get this item. We had a good working relationship before I retired, but after my mom died and she came to my house ons a sympathy call, she saw the item and has been after me ever since to sell it to her. She is aware that I have bequeathed it to her and in the event she pre-deceases me, it will go to her daughter (because her daughter's name is engraved on it). She has invited me to her house on holidays, but the last 2 times she has called with some excuse why she couldn't entertain on those days. Now this phone call. Seems to me she wants to get it over with and cut me loose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Does she know she's in your will? I guess she sees it as hers already and that she's doing you a favor by giving you money for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirth Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 It's not for sale. How hard is that to understand? "It's not for sale. How hard is that to understand?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Do not allow this person to manipulate you! Your item is not for sale. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Why is her daughter's name already engraved in it? Just curious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I received a phone call from a woman I used to work with before I retired. She mentioned that her daughter was having a milestone birthday this year and asked if I would sell her an item I have that is a very rare and valuable antique that she knows I own so she could give it to her daughter as a gift. I told her I really didn't want to sell it, but she responded that she would pay any price I asked. This made me feel awkward. I really don't want to sell it, yet this woman had helped me through some tough times. Added to this is that I know what the value of this object is, but I also know what a manipulator she is. My gut feeling is that once she gets what she's been after me to sell to her for years, she will drop me as a friend. Any advice? Yes. Don't sell your item. Just keep saying "It's not for sale." No apology, no explanation. Wash, rinse, repeat. You do NOT owe her anything no matter what she may have done for you in the past. And I'd change my will first thing Monday morning. This person really doesn't sound like a close friend either when you worked with her and certainly not now! Good Heavens! And Mama Geek is right - unless this is a large item, put it in a safe, locked, and unreachable by her place. A safety deposit box is best. Remember, "No" is a complete sentence and you owe her nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Regardless of what I said upthread: If you don't want to sell it, then do not. It is clear from this thread that you don't want to sell it. You are perfectly within your rights to want to retain your property. I think it is obnoxious of her to know that she (or her daughter) will have the antique in time and to hound you for it. I thought this might have been a little different but based on what you say she is sounding like a bit of a vulture. Tell her, point blank: Look, Irma, I already have said, in my will, that you (and if not you, than Sally) can have it when I am dead. I clearly want you to have it, but I don't want you to have it while I am using it. Now can't you be patient?! If she insists that she's willing to pay any price then find out Oprahs networth and add 250 million to it. That is your selling price and you wont budge an inch. Tell her that full payment is due in cash up front. Then hang up and don't take her calls anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I think trulycrabby and creekland expressed what I was feeling - that she cultivated a seeming friendship just to get this item. We had a good working relationship before I retired, but after my mom died and she came to my house ons a sympathy call, she saw the item and has been after me ever since to sell it to her. She is aware that I have bequeathed it to her and in the event she pre-deceases me, it will go to her daughter (because her daughter's name is engraved on it). She has invited me to her house on holidays, but the last 2 times she has called with some excuse why she couldn't entertain on those days. Now this phone call. Seems to me she wants to get it over with and cut me loose. With this latest info, I suspect your gut feeling is right. It's a shame... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Why is her daughter's name already engraved in it? Just curious. I took it to be that the name that is engraved is her daughters. Like if you find a necklace that says 'Sara' and your girls name is 'Sara'. It would make a lovely gift and its just because of a charming coincidence when you are not being obnoxiously hounded by a greedy "friend" whose grand daughter is also named 'Sara'.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I think trulycrabby and creekland expressed what I was feeling - that she cultivated a seeming friendship just to get this item. We had a good working relationship before I retired, but after my mom died and she came to my house ons a sympathy call, she saw the item and has been after me ever since to sell it to her. She is aware that I have bequeathed it to her and in the event she pre-deceases me, it will go to her daughter (because her daughter's name is engraved on it). She has invited me to her house on holidays, but the last 2 times she has called with some excuse why she couldn't entertain on those days. Now this phone call. Seems to me she wants to get it over with and cut me loose. Ah, hon. That's so hard. Really, the best thing you can do is tell her you've changed your will and neither she nor her daughter will receive the item. Then drop this person like a hot potato! She's been using you ever since she saw this item; this isn't friendship. If you really want *her daughter* to receive said item, as opposed to any of your children or grandchildren, tell this woman the above about the will and let it be a surprise to *the daughter*. And, by the by, I don't think that the engraving should play any part in your decision. Many people inherit and cherish family items even if the engraving, monogram, etc doesn't match their individual names. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Why is her daughter's name already engraved in it? Just curious. :bigear: Also curious. Just from your brief descriptions it sounds like she's only your friend so she can get this item. Not your friend, IOW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I really don't want to sell it Then don't. It really is that simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Do you really not want to part with it because you really like it or it has sentimental value or would you be happy to sell it for it's market value? If you are happy to sell it for market value, tell her what that number is and sell it to her if she gives you the money. If she is a friend she will still be a friend and be willing to pay what it is worth, if she isn't really a friend she will leave you alone once she has it. If you are really attached to the item, I would still follow the advice of locking it up and probably getting rid of the friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Tell her no. Stop answering the phone when she calls. Change your will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 If you do not want to sell, don't sell. I admit, I might make up an excuse like that you already told your children they would inherit it some day and you need to keep that promise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I would just repeat very clearly that it is not for sale. If she doesn't stop at that, then cut her off until she finds something better to talk about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I agree with changing your will to not give it to her when you die too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Of course, you could offer her a price that is 20 times the value or something, if you wanted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Just curious, why don't you want to part with this thing that has somebody else's name engraved on it? Is it a piece of furniture that you really enjoy having in your house? Personally, unless I was really using something I would not hold onto it tightly. I especially wouldn't keep it from the person to whom I was willing it. Of course if you are actually using it during your lifetime, that is a different story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debodun Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 The name engraved IS a coincidence, like mom2bee said. This woman absolutely flipped when she saw her daughter's name on it. She even insisted that we go to a museum 200 miles away and have it appraised which we did a few years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 The name engraved IS a coincidence, like mom2bee said. This woman absolutely flipped when she saw her daughter's name on it. She even insisted that we go to a museum 200 miles away and have it appraised which we did a few years ago. <insert rolling eyes here>. I think your life will suddenly become much easier and less stressful when you drop her. As your gut is telling you she's only feigning friendship with you for this item. She's unhealthily obsessing about this item. You deserve much better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I'd come up with some crazy high price and offer to sell it for that price. If it's worth $10,000, I'd ask for $75,000 or some number that you're comfortable with. Then enjoy the extra money and be happy you're well rid of her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Don't sell and change your will! Why are you letting her walk all over you? Forced you to get an appraisal? What the heck? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I can't imagine ever calling a friend and asking to purchase something in her house. That is weird. I am normally a non-confrontational gal, however, I would not ever sell something I enjoy or use off of my shelf just because a friend wants it. Really odd. I would definitely say no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Wow wow wow.... Agree with everyone here who is saying you need to drop her and write her out of the will. I wouldn't even leave it to the daughter, who may be a very nice person, because the mother will get it from her after she inherits it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I did leave it to her in my will, but it appears now that she doesn't want to wait for that. Ummm... Seriously? You've described this person only as "a woman I used to work with," and that you "know what a manipulator she is," yet you went out of your way to specify in your will that she should get an incredibly rare and valuable item, rather than leaving it to a close family member? :glare: Why would you do that? Why would anyone do that? And the "driving 200 miles to a museum to get it appraised" just because she told you to do it is simply over the top. Is this thread for real? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I'd add a security system to the house, if you don't already have one. This is edging toward crazytown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Ummm... Seriously? You've described this person only as "a woman I used to work with," and that you "know what a manipulator she is," yet you went out of your way to specify in your will that she should get an incredibly rare and valuable item, rather than leaving it to a close family member? :glare: Why would you do that? Why would anyone do that? And the "driving 200 miles to a museum to get it appraised" just because she told you to do it is simply over the top. Is this thread for real? I am thinking the same thing too ... I do not plan to leave any valuables to people I used to work with and meet occasionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Personally I'm not much attached to things with the exception of a few family heirlooms. If this item were truly significant to me, I would want it passed down to family so it would be neither sold nor willed to someone else. If it did not have special significance to me I would sell it to her at or above market value since she values it so highly and I could make good use of the money :) if she rejected my asking price, I would figure she was trying to use me and all discussion of her getting the item would end. Maybe I would donate it to a museum to many people could enjoy it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I would be making these comments "dream on" "you are an annoying snot" "step away" "will has been altered" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I would change your will and tell her you are leaving it to someone else and that it is absolutely not for sale. She sounds creepy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Do you have any children? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 I'd probably give it to them and be done with it. I might be weird, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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