18 yr old sues parents after moving out

[Tap]

The amount of money is not trivial. Be serious.

 

Her thinking she is entitled to that money just for existing on the planet...just for the good luck of being born to parents who would send her to private school and save for her college education... is an extremely trivial complaint in my view. Not wanting to switch schools in the middle of senior year, while simultaneously wanting to move out of her parent's house....as an 18 year old, legal adult...is extremely trivial in my view.

So here is the thing, I really am playing devils advocate and just defending the other side, like I said in a previous post....just to continue to conversation.

 

 

With the line of thinking that this is trivial.....then why isn't it trivial the other way around.  

 

Everyone is saying...she is 18 and is an adult.  She should have stayed home, and followed the parents rules, done what the parents asked of her and then she would have not had to fight for her tuition to be covered.  I think that is hypocritical.  Be an adult vs. do what you are told and act like a dependent. 

 

I don't know when she moved out but lets say it was a couple of months ago. Since she was enrolled in school for the fall term, they had to be involved to at least that point.   So, lets presume her parents say 'we will support you, pay your private high school school tuition, pay for college and expenses to at college'.  

 

So, with this line of thinking.  Is she wrong or were the parents wrong for ever paying tuition in the first place or offering to pay college tuition/living expenses?  

 

You say she should act like a legal adult.  But her parents are saying 'don't be the adult, come back home, where we will continue to treat you like a dependent' and then we will reward you for that behavior.

 

Why in one situation is she an adult at 18, but in the other she isn't allowed the same freedoms until she graduates high school? When after a couple of months, she would presumably be at college doing what she wants anyways? 

 

If it was January.  She moved out 6 mths early.  So, just because she moved out a bit early, even though she is legally 18 and can do so, her parents are now saying they won't help her get an education any longer. To me, if anyone is being trivial, it is the parents. 

 

 

If this is really about the kid making bad decisions, then why aren't the parents saying:  Stay in school, live where you want, but keep your grades up, keep your nose clean, fulfill obligations, apply/get accepted to college, attend college, work if that is part of the deal, make the world better in some way (volunteer, empower, encourage, help at church ..whatever) pass your classes, graduate and we will help along the way.  

 

Honestly, I do think it is partially about control on the parents side.  And partly that a girl started a ball rolling and has people advising her who may or may not have her best interests at heart, (even if it seems to her, and them).  

[hillfarm]

My parents did not have the money to pay for my college education. Yet made enough so that I was not eligible for a lot of the big financial aid awards. So I had to suck it up and do a work/study program at my college, work two jobs during the summers, work all holiday breaks, and take out student loans. Guess what! I am not scarred for life. I have no complaints. I had to do it on my own, so I did. Actually, I experienced many situations where I think paying for my own education caused me to take it more seriously and work harder than my peers who were attending while Mommy and Daddy footed the bill.

 

Higher education is not a right. And a person's life is not ruined if they have to figure out how to obtain it for themselves. Millions of people in our country are able to live happy, productive lives without getting higher education, so there are other options.

 

This girl, and her lawyer friend need to get over themselves.

[umsami]

I didn't know any parent was required to pay for college, especially when college can cost $40k/year.

 

I know plenty of parents who've made continuing to pay college tuition contingent on grades, or not getting pulled over for DUI, or whatever.  That's their right, they're footing the bill.

 

The only way this makes sense is if the parents were abusive.  I haven't seen any charges of abuse come out, so I'm not sure where the legal justification for this is.

 

I hope that this will end up being a good learning experience for her.  Having to work, and perhaps attend community college for a year or two would not be the worst thing in the world for her.

[Tap]

I don't think every promise or statement a parent makes to a child should be legally binding and enforceable by a court of law.

 

As a parent, I agree.  But, then do you expect trust from your kids?  Do you expect your kids to respect you? 

 

We aren't talking about a parent who says 'were going to Disney' for the weekend on a Wednesday, and then changes their mind on Thursday.  

We are talking about parents who saved and put money away for college, who paid tuition and who make sacrifices to get their child a good education. 

 

But now, because she acted legally and moved out of their house as an 18yo adult, they are saying all bets are off.  

 

To me,,,,they are saying 'come back home and act like a child, and we will help you get an education. If you want to live anywhere other than our home, we are no longer going to help you get an education.'

 

If my son moved out, I would still want him to have an education. That wouldn't change based solely on that.  

[bettyandbob]

 

 

Of course it is about control. 

 

My parents paid my tuition. However, I knew I needed to live by "house rules" and I did. I did well in school and got the job I wanted and moved out. There was no contract that I would have tuition paid, but I knew about the behavioral expectations. I didn't like them, but I followed through because it was a way to finish school debt free. (Sometimes I feel I should have found my way without the tuition help, but I made my choice back then and there was a price to pay)

 

People who have the money are in control. That's just the way it is. And there is no legal right to a post secondary education. Divorce rules do not apply here because neither parent is trying to get out of anything

 

If this girl is claiming to be dependent then I think there should be some basis for saying she needs guardianship because an 18 who wants to be dependent must not be able to make her own decisions. Therefore guardianship is necessary and then she can have no say where she lives and whether she attends college. 

 

 

ETA: for some reason I had the    wrong quote at the beginning of this response so I removed it

[Tap]

My parents did not have the money to pay for my college education. Yet made enough so that I was not eligible for a lot of the big financial aid awards. So I had to suck it up and do a work/study program at my college, work two jobs during the summers, work all holiday breaks, and take out student loans. Guess what! I am not scarred for life. I have no complaints. I had to do it on my own, so I did. Actually, I experienced many situations where I think paying for my own education caused me to take it more seriously and work harder than my peers who were attending while Mommy and Daddy footed the bill.

 

Higher education is not a right. And a person's life is not ruined if they have to figure out how to obtain it for themselves. Millions of people in our country are able to live happy, productive lives without getting higher education, so there are other options.

 

This girl, and her lawyer friend need to get over themselves.

Playing devils advocate still......

 

 

But did you parents tell you they would pay?  Did you grow up knowing you had a college fund but then had them spend it on something else?  

 

Higher education is not a right, I agree.  But why is the girl now being told that she is not worthy of the education, just because she moved out early?

[mathnerd]

But why is the girl now being told that she is not worthy of the education, just because she moved out early?

 

 

Poor behavior on the girl's part? 

[SKL]

Well, I lived in my parents' house when I was a young adult so I could afford to take the time to get a college education.

 

I put up with stuff I didn't like.  I remember telling myself repeatedly that I was "going to" move out, and then I processed my frustration and got over myself.  I had a lot of chores and responsibility.  I contributed part of my earnings to the household.  My mom opened my mail, including my grade card, even though she knew I didn't like that.  I paid for my education and much of my room & board via student loans, as my parents didn't have a penny to spare.  I behaved in a manner consistent with a peaceful family home (more or less ;)).

 

It didn't mean I wasn't an adult.  It meant I was mature enough to swallow my foolish pride in order to accomplish a sensible goal.

[Tap]

Poor behavior on the girl's part? 

Is that what they are saying? Because the articles I have read say that they want her to move back home and follow their rules. The school hasn't kicked her out and are willing to allow her to stay, even without the parents paying the tuition.  That doesn't sound like a trouble maker (at least at school) to me.   The private schools we have attended had very little tolerance for misbehavior.

 

My daughter was dress coded for having on a pair of jeans with a rip in them (she knew they violated dress code, and forgot to wear leggings under them one day).

She got detention for getting into a pen war with another student one day. The teacher even called me to apologize about the detention, but still had to enforce it. 

The kids could get detention for having cell phone ring during class. 

 

Maybe we have read different articles.

[bettyandbob]

 

Higher education is not a right, I agree.  But why is the girl now being told that she is not worthy of the education, just because she moved out early?

 

 

In the house I grew up in some things were given contigent upon behavior. We knew we had to behave a certain way or tuition wouldn't behave. For us on of the rules was we had to stay on track to enter one of the career fields approved by my father. I know in some families getting married meant tuition stopped. Some people had to prepare to work in the family business. 

 

I am sure there is something your dc could do that might make you decide that assisting them with their education is not something you think is a good idea right now. I don't know anyone who says they will pay university tuition and expenses no matter what. You may be further down the continuum of what behavior on the part of the child would cause you question offering such assistance, but that doesn't mean other parents are wrong for limiting educational assistance the way they want. 

[SKL]

It seems very simple to me.  An adult doesn't get to demand things from her parents, any more than they get to demand things from any other random person.  An adult can ask, and if the parents are favorably disposed, she might receive.  Or not.  The end.

[Harriet Vane]

Unless her parents were/are criminally abusive, this girl has no legal or moral standing in this case. 

[Danestress]

 

If my son moved out, I would still want him to have an education. That wouldn't change based solely on that.  

 

 

That's nice of you.

 

If my son moved out and the circumstances made me still feel like paying for his college was a good idea, then I would do it.

 

If I felt that paying for his college was a bad idea, then I wouldn't do it.

 

It's pretty simple, really.  I pay for college if I *want* to pay for college. That is all my state requires.   If I save up a ton of money and then decide my kid is making poor life choices,  I feel absolutely free to use that money to pay off my mortgage, help another kid, pay for my own unexpected medical needs etc.  My money, my choices.  Unless I saved the money in my child's name, which would make a difference.

 

I know that sounds tough.  The truth is, our kids will do a lot of things that aggravate, annoy and disappoint us, and I think most of us continue to support and encourage our children (financially, emotionally, physically) in any way we can until we feel that our help is not actually helping our children.  I don't believe in attaching a lot of strings to helping with educations, and I don't believe in burning bridges. 

 

If my son had moved out in a huff in the middle of his senior year, legal or not, 18 or under, I would have reserved my right to say, "Great.  I'm so glad you feel like an adult.  Part of being an adult is living on what you can earn, and I totally believe in you and your ability to do that.  Good luck. Come by for supper when you have time."   But I probably wouldn't have done that.  I probably would have tried to work with him and make things right between us, which to me is worth far more than the money would be.  But in the end, I would do what I really thought best for me and for my kid.

 

See, they are adults.  And *we* are adults.  And adults make their own decisions about what to do with their money, without feeling obligated to give it to other adults, even if they had set it aside with the general plan to do so.  It's GREAT to be an adult:)  You do have to pay taxes and generally follow the law, but I doubt the law is going to force these parents to pay for the college she has in mind, plus all her living and "transportation" expenses (which I am assuming does not mean she wants them to buy her a bus pass).  I am sure she has a story.  I suspect her parents may be kind of controlling and difficult, and I think people have probably helped her because they see a power dynamic that is disturbing.

 

But when all is said and done, the law can't force people to not be jerks.  The law won't right every wrong in a family's dynamic.  If the parents are jerks who are overly controlling, that is sad.  But in my state, parents are not legally obligated to pay for college. 

[dirty ethel rackham]

 

Everyone is saying...she is 18 and is an adult.  She should have stayed home, and followed the parents rules, done what the parents asked of her and then she would have not had to fight for her tuition to be covered.  I think that is hypocritical.  Be an adult vs. do what you are told and act like a dependent. 

 

Actually, she wants the freedom of being an adult (moving out and doing what she wants without parental interference) but doesn't want the responsibility of being an adult (paying her own way.)  People are telling her to pick one or the other.  Be the adult, drop the lawsuit and pay your own way.  Or be the dependent, move back home, follow the rules and have mummy and daddy pay her way.  Unless it was a UGTM account, she has no say in how the money saved should be spent.  It doesn't matter what her parents agreed to.  She has no legal standing.

 

And to a PP (can't remember who at this time,) this is totally different than divorce cases where the subject of who pays for college is part of the divorce and support decree.  Child support beyond age 18 is not required except for special cases (care for a child with special needs or something like that.)  Any financial support beyond 18 needs to be spelled out in the agreements.  Suing for college costs in these cases are usually due to the parent not living up to the obligations agreed upon earlier.

[elegantlion]

I shall have to forward this to my mother, who had to move out and to town to finish HIGH SCHOOL, where she got her own apartment and job while attending school full time. She'll get a laugh out of it. 

 

I can see the parents being liable for the private school tuition, but college? Come on. It's really going to help their relationship by suing. Such short-sighted vision, really. I hope she's happy in her little delusional world where everything happens just to as she so desires. First rule of life: life is unfair, second rule of life: actions have consequences third rule: suck it up, buttercup. 

[MysteryJen]

The girl might be spoiled or not, the parents might be difficult or not, but the fact remains that she is a senior, presumably with admission offers to colleges, and is now in a bind. Whether or not a state requires parents to pay for college is a little beside the point, the federal government assumes that parents will contribute. Here is a link about this question: http://www.finaid.org/otheraid/parentsrefuse.phtml

 

Again, for financial aid purposes, 18 is not independent. Having seen a kid go through financial help being offered then rescinded with the result of dropping out and an entire life altered because of a parent's refusal to help, I can see why she hired an attorney.

[elegantlion]

Along these lines, if parents are not obligated to pay for college, why is parental income considered in financial aid (and aid awarded based pretty much only on that factor)?  So parents just refusing to fill out forms can cause a kid to be unable to go to college for many years.

 

Parents are not obligated to pay for any schooling, regardless of how much the FAFSA thinks they should be able to afford. One of the reasons I didn't go to college as a kid was because my dad threw such a hissy fit about filling out paperwork for my older sister. College is not a universal right for every American. Even if they've been promising her money, sometime crap happens that the money is no longer available. 

[Tap]

I didn't know any parent was required to pay for college, especially when college can cost $40k/year.

 

I know plenty of parents who've made continuing to pay college tuition contingent on grades, or not getting pulled over for DUI, or whatever.  That's their right, they're footing the bill.

 

The only way this makes sense is if the parents were abusive.  I haven't seen any charges of abuse come out, so I'm not sure where the legal justification for this is.

 

I hope that this will end up being a good learning experience for her.  Having to work, and perhaps attend community college for a year or two would not be the worst thing in the world for her.

Have you applied for college loans?  Even in the 80s when I filled out my FAFSA my loans were based on my parents ability to pay for my college.  For my son, college savings plans that were in his name, were also considered.

[JennifersLost]

What's wrong with working for five years and then going to school when you're 23? At that point you are considered an adult and you can get your own financial aid. Meanwhile, you can work a few jobs and find out what you actually want to do with your life. Considering how long we all live these days, that five years is a flash in a pan.

 

A kid this spoiled rotten isn't going to get a darn thing out of college right now anyway, and I doubt she's getting anything out of high school, either. She can take some time to grow up, live entirely by her own rules now that she's out from under her tyrannical parents and when she's 23 she'll probably get a free ride (since I imagine a little princess like that won't actually work very much or make any money).

 

If I were her parents I wouldn't give a darn what the court said. She wouldn't see a dime and I'd bankrupt the rest of us just to make the point.

[Χά�ων]

 

 

A kid this spoiled rotten isn't going to get a darn thing out of college right now anyway, and I doubt she's getting anything out of high school, either. She can take some time to grow up, live entirely by her own rules now that she's out from under her tyrannical parents and when she's 23 she'll probably get a free ride (since I imagine a little princess like that won't actually work very much or make any money).

 

If I were her parents I wouldn't give a darn what the court said. She wouldn't see a dime and I'd bankrupt the rest of us just to make the point.

So your reaction to the spoiled brat is to throw a temper tantrum and financially ruin you and your husband???

[Mrs Mungo]

Dp

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't think she should win, but had an example to share.

 

I had a roommate after I was done with college.

 

Her parents had both worked but her dad was the primary breadwinner. When she was around 10 he got involved with another woman, the mom's best friend. The other woman got pregnant, went away to have the baby, and came back saying that she knew she was always going to be single so she had done a foreign adoption. No one figured this out for about 8 years. The dad kept on with the two households, the mom had no idea at all, and neither did my roommate.

 

The dad waited until my roommate was 18, then he left them. It was clear that he waited specifically to avoid paying child support or college expenses. Completely unexpectedly the girl could not go to college after all because of this. He wouldn't kick in a penny. He moved in with the OW and the son started calling him Daddy and finally everyone figured out the whole sordid story.

 

In the meantime my roommate, who was very bright but couldn't get financial aid because the father was making too much money, ended up going to a trade school for two years on student loans and became a secretary. It was a total waste and ruined her financially.

 

This is why they have laws like that about divorcees helping to pay for college.

I still don't get it. My parents have an extremely large retirement account. They refused to fill out a FAFSA for me. I had to figure out how to pay for college on my own. Eventually, a family member co-signed year at a time loans that I paid off through the year by working two jobs while going to school. Was it hard? Yes. Would it be even more difficult now? Yes, it would. But, LOTS of students are in that position, not just children of divorced parents. What is the difference?

 

I don't know how you fix the current state of college finances, but suing your parents at 18 seems like as bad of an idea as refusing to fill out a FAFSA.

[Lolly]

As far as FAFSA goes, dh and I refuse to submit to it. Why? It wouldn't make any difference. Dc would not be receiving anything. Our personal financial situation would be broadcast to many more people than we want it to go out to. And, did I mention nothing would be gained??? Why bother?!? The kids' schools are aghast. EVERYONE submits to FAFSA... They won't stop pestering one dd. 

[matrips]

Sheesh. Is no one required to grow up anymore? This age of selfishness and entitlement is going way too far.

[Mrs Mungo]

As far as FAFSA goes, dh and I refuse to submit to it. Why? It wouldn't make any difference. Dc would not be receiving anything. Our personal financial situation would be broadcast to many more people than we want it to go out to. And, did I mention nothing would be gained??? Why bother?!? The kids' schools are aghast. EVERYONE submits to FAFSA... They won't stop pestering one dd.

Which was my parents' argument. Except, it prevented me from getting a low interest rate student loan as opposed to a high interest rate no collateral loan.

[Impish]

I have no clue how the college fund is set up, so I could understand if the parents were under some sort of legal obligation to allow her access to that.

 

However.

 

Living expenses? No. You choose to move out, live as an adult, you then have both the freedoms and responsibilities of one.

[Joker]

A judge ruled they do not have to pay her high school tuition, living expenses, or attorney fees. Another hearing is scheduled for college tuition.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/US/rachel-canning-loses-suit-make-parents-pay-high/story?id=22768908

[shinyhappypeople]

nm

[Angie in VA]

Of course it is about control. 

 

 

People who have the money are in control. That's just the way it is.

 

 

:iagree:

 

As I tell my kids, "He who holds the money holds the power." (Or she, of course.) I don't say often, it's not my go-to response, but it's a fact of life.

[MysteryJen]

I find it all terribly sad. Using money to control young adults will backfire in many different ways. This is a spectacular and public way.

[Julie Smith]

As far as FAFSA goes, dh and I refuse to submit to it. Why? It wouldn't make any difference. Dc would not be receiving anything. Our personal financial situation would be broadcast to many more people than we want it to go out to. And, did I mention nothing would be gained??? Why bother?!? The kids' schools are aghast. EVERYONE submits to FAFSA... They won't stop pestering one dd.

 

ETA: (actually explaining myself better)

 

I remember a thread someone started recently (not this one). A mom thought her son was going to get a merit scholarship. They were sort of counting on it. Then she found out to late that he can't win it because she never filled out the FAFSA even though it was a merit scholarship. Turns out that even if that scholarship haD nothing to do with need you could only win it if you had filled out the FAFSA. The mom who started the thread was ranting? Because she did not know of this and therefor were likely missing out on thousands of dollars.

[Tap]

What's wrong with working for five years and then going to school when you're 23? At that point you are considered an adult and you can get your own financial aid. Meanwhile, you can work a few jobs and find out what you actually want to do with your life. Considering how long we all live these days, that five years is a flash in a pan.

 

A kid this spoiled rotten isn't going to get a darn thing out of college right now anyway, and I doubt she's getting anything out of high school, either. She can take some time to grow up, live entirely by her own rules now that she's out from under her tyrannical parents and when she's 23 she'll probably get a free ride (since I imagine a little princess like that won't actually work very much or make any money).

 

If I were her parents I wouldn't give a darn what the court said. She wouldn't see a dime and I'd bankrupt the rest of us just to make the point.

That seems a bit harsh to me to say she is not getting anything out her education because you think she is a spoiled brat. She is an honors student in a private school, that doesn't happen with effort on her part. This isn't someone who is barely skirting by.

[Χά�ων]

Dp

[Χά�ων]

...

[Entropymama]

The particulars of this case seem strange to me. But we had a former babysitter whose father refused to fill out the FAFSA for him. He would not help him in any way (because the kid was gay, we think). He had to drop out of college, could not get loans or grants. He had absolutely no recourse. The way the system is set up now kids are not independent adults at 18. 

 

 

I don't think she should win, but had an example to share.

 

I had a roommate after I was done with college.

 

Her parents had both worked but her dad was the primary breadwinner.  When she was around 10 he got involved with another woman, the mom's best friend.  The other woman got pregnant, went away to have the baby, and came back saying that she knew she was always going to be single so she had done a foreign adoption.  No one figured this out for about 8 years.  The dad kept on with the two households, the mom had no idea at all, and neither did my roommate.

 

The dad waited until my roommate was 18, then he left them.  It was clear that he waited specifically to avoid paying child support or college expenses.  Completely unexpectedly the girl could not go to college after all because of this.  He wouldn't kick in a penny.  He moved in with the OW and the son started calling him Daddy and finally everyone figured out the whole sordid story.

 

In the meantime my roommate, who was very bright but couldn't get financial aid because the father was making too much money, ended up going to a trade school for two years on student loans and became a secretary. It was a total waste and ruined her financially.

 

This is why they have laws like that about divorcees helping to pay for college. 

 

There were a bunch of other comments along these lines, about kids getting screwed because their parents wouldn't fill out FAFSAs. When I was 17, my dad threw a bit of a fit about it. Plus, he said even if he filled it out he wouldn't pay and we were worried that because he made a good deal of money I wouldn't qualify for need based scholarships. I filed to become an emancipated minor (something like that). It was no big deal, a few pieces of paper, and I got plenty of financial aid in college. My parents were divorced so that may have had something to do with it. Just saying that it can be done. 

[Okra]

As far as FAFSA goes, dh and I refuse to submit to it. Why? It wouldn't make any difference. Dc would not be receiving anything. Our personal financial situation would be broadcast to many more people than we want it to go out to. And, did I mention nothing would be gained??? Why bother?!? The kids' schools are aghast. EVERYONE submits to FAFSA... They won't stop pestering one dd. 

 

Another thing is that many merit scholarships require a FAFSA, 

 

If the parent refuses to fill out a FAFSA, no merit scholarship.  It can make a difference.

[MysteryJen]

There were a bunch of other comments along these lines, about kids getting screwed because their parents wouldn't fill out FAFSAs. When I was 17, my dad threw a bit of a fit about it. Plus, he said even if he filled it out he wouldn't pay and we were worried that because he made a good deal of money I wouldn't qualify for need based scholarships. I filed to become an emancipated minor (something like that). It was no big deal, a few pieces of paper, and I got plenty of financial aid in college. My parents were divorced so that may have had something to do with it. Just saying that it can be done. 

That loophole has been pretty much closed. Now a young adult (under 24 for FA purposes) has to prove abandonment. No contact, no support by either parent for a year. Or completely self-supporting with tax records and receipts covering all expenses.

[hillfarm]

Playing devils advocate still......

 

 

But did you parents tell you they would pay?  Did you grow up knowing you had a college fund but then had them spend it on something else?  

 

Higher education is not a right, I agree.  But why is the girl now being told that she is not worthy of the education, just because she moved out early?

 

My parents told me all through high school they would give me what they could. It was only a few hundred dollars, and a one-time gift at that (not for each of the 4 years). I had hoped for more, I knew they had more than that in savings. But that is what they gave me and I had to take responsibility and come up with the rest. I don't resent them for giving me what they felt they could spare. As a dependent child who had not contributed one thin dime to their savings, I felt it was not my place to tell them how to spend their savings.

 

Being told that you need to pay your own way if you want to make your own choices is NOT the same as being told you are not worthy of an education. It equates to being told that actions have consequences and that choices often cost us dearly. So we must make sure we are willing to pay the price for making them.

 

We talk so much about personal responsibility. This girl is demanding the privileges of being an adult. Welcome to the adult world. Behind every privilege is hard work, sacrifice or responsibility. For some reason, she did not learn this before she turned 18. It is not too late for her to learn it now. If her parents don't teach her, then her first boss, first landlord, first auto loan facility will.

[Danestress]

That loophole has been pretty much closed. Now a young adult (under 24 for FA purposes) has to prove abandonment. No contact, no support by either parent for a year. Or completely self-supporting with tax records and receipts covering all expenses.

 

 

Even if these parents have done something "sad," it is not really the job of courts to force people to conform to what I think is I the right thing or the "less sad" choice of how to be a family.   Courts enforce laws.  If the law doesn't require these parents to pay for college, and I don't think it does, then the courts are not going to order them to do it because, "otherwise it's really sad you are such a jerk." 

 

My guess is that this girl has been well informed of what the law is and that her case is unlikely to win, but thinks she will gain something by going forward.  She wants to embarrass her parents, hoped her parents would settle in order to avoid this public humiliation, or else maybe she hoped that a bunch of people who found her situation really "sad" would give her some money.  Which actually may well happen.  And actually, I do think the whole thing is very sad. 

[Carol in Cal.]

As far as FAFSA goes, dh and I refuse to submit to it. Why? It wouldn't make any difference. Dc would not be receiving anything. Our personal financial situation would be broadcast to many more people than we want it to go out to. And, did I mention nothing would be gained??? Why bother?!? The kids' schools are aghast. EVERYONE submits to FAFSA... They won't stop pestering one dd. 

 

This is a mistake if you are hoping for merit scholarships.  A lot of them require the FAFSA to be filled out even though they are not sensitive to financial need.  Also, if your circumstances change financially later on, and you have filled out the FAFSA early in the game, you can amend it for reconsideration.  If you never filled it out to start with you are out of luck.

[Cammie]

I think what is interesting on a purely academic level is that the courts can and do routinely require divorced parents to pay college expenses for the children.  It is routinely written into divorce judgments in Oregon and I have a feeling most other states as well.   In addition, for a child attending college, child support also continues past 18 and until graduation from college.  So, on some level, the system accepts that parents who are married are expected to pay these costs and the child shouldn't loose out on support just because the parents are divorced.  There have been cases fighting this but at least in Oregon it is the law of the land.  So, if a child of divorcing/divorced parents have this right doesn't it follow that a child of married parents has the same rights?  I think that is why the lawyer thinks he may have a possible argument to make.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think what is interesting on a purely academic level is that the courts can and do routinely require divorced parents to pay college expenses for the children. It is routinely written into divorce judgments in Oregon and I have a feeling most other states as well. In addition, for a child attending college, child support also continues past 18 and until graduation from college. So, on some level, the system accepts that parents who are married are expected to pay these costs and the child shouldn't loose out on support just because the parents are divorced. There have been cases fighting this but at least in Oregon it is the law of the land. So, if a child of divorcing/divorced parents have this right doesn't it follow that a child of married parents has the same rights? I think that is why the lawyer thinks he may have a possible argument to make.

Right, this is why I quoted Carol earlier (whom I don't necessarily disagree with), why is it different for divorced parents? Why is a divorced dad expected to provide money for college, but not a still married dad? It is weird.

[Danestress]

I think what is interesting on a purely academic level is that the courts can and do routinely require divorced parents to pay college expenses for the children.  It is routinely written into divorce judgments in Oregon and I have a feeling most other states as well.   In addition, for a child attending college, child support also continues past 18 and until graduation from college.  So, on some level, the system accepts that parents who are married are expected to pay these costs and the child shouldn't loose out on support just because the parents are divorced.  There have been cases fighting this but at least in Oregon it is the law of the land.  So, if a child of divorcing/divorced parents have this right doesn't it follow that a child of married parents has the same rights?  I think that is why the lawyer thinks he may have a possible argument to make.

 

Actually, many state do NOT allow judges to order parents to pay for college.  I think  more than half of them do not give judges that power.  In my state, a judge can not order an unwilling parent to pay college expenses.  However, if the parents agree on college costs as part of a separation agreement and ask for that agreement to be incorporated into a divorce order, then it does become a court order, but the parties had to agree to it first.  If a parent simply refuses to pay for college, then a judge can't order it. 

[Scarlett]

Actually, many state do NOT allow judges to order parents to pay for college. I think more than half of them do not give judges that power. In my state, a judge can not order an unwilling parent to pay college expenses. However, if the parents agree on college costs as part of a separation agreement and ask for that agreement to be incorporated into a divorce order, then it does become a court order, but the parties had to agree to it first. If a parent simply refuses to pay for college, then a judge can't order it.

AR doesn't order college. And I think even if both parties agree and it is written in to the decree a parent could request a change if circumstances change and they are very likely to be granted the change request.

 

But I'm not a lawyer and I don't even play one on the internet. ;)

[zoobie]

Even if MA judges have the power to order college costs as part of a divorce decree, the divorce is between the parents and the children have no say in the matter. The parents here have not kicked her out. She chose to leave, has not alleged abuse, and wants her parents to pay her living expenses at her boyfriend's house? Good gracious.

[gardenmom5]

I've read some on other sites, it said she picked up with a boyfriend of whom the parents do not approve, and has been a really bad influence. alcohol, etc.  she has stolen things from her sister, she's very disrespectful to her parents.  (think adam Baldwin's vile rant to his then 11 yo daughter.)

 

when she first left and her parents wouldn't continue to pay her bills - she did call children's services and claimed they were abusive.  the conclusion of the official report - she's a spoiled brat.  now her claims of abuse are escalating in severity.

 

eta: one of the saddest things is she has no idea how she is setting herself up for failure later.  future employers will see this, and refuse to hire her.  the lawyers advising her don't care about her, just their case.

[FaithManor]

Actually, many state do NOT allow judges to order parents pay for college.  I think  more than half of them do not give judges that power.  In my state, a judge can not order an unwilling parent to pay college expenses.  However, if the parents agree on college costs as part of a separation agreement and ask for that agreement to be incorporated into a divorce order, then it does become a court order, but the parties had to agree to it first.  If a parent simply refuses to pay for college, then a judge can't order it. 

That is how it is here. A parent can agree to pay as part of a mediation process to settle the divorce, but  judge cannot demand it.

 

Child support here ends the month the child graduates from high school or when the child turns 19 if he/she did not finish on time or dropped out of school.

 

There is legal duplicity if a state requires a divorced parent to pay for college and not  married parents.

[Tammi K]

I'm still chuckling at her request for support to the tune of over $600 a week in addition to the other things she was asking for. I only have that amount of money to feed, cloth, and pay doctor/dentist/vet visits for our family  every two weeks. How can one kid need twice as much money on herself as I spend on 5 people. Entitled??? Um, yeah!

[FaithManor]

NM, stuck something in the wrong spot. I can't type on a kindle.

[Catwoman]

The girl might be spoiled or not, the parents might be difficult or not, but the fact remains that she is a senior, presumably with admission offers to colleges, and is now in a bind. Whether or not a state requires parents to pay for college is a little beside the point, the federal government assumes that parents will contribute. Here is a link about this question: http://www.finaid.org/otheraid/parentsrefuse.phtml

 

Again, for financial aid purposes, 18 is not independent. Having seen a kid go through financial help being offered then rescinded with the result of dropping out and an entire life altered because of a parent's refusal to help, I can see why she hired an attorney.

I find it all terribly sad. Using money to control young adults will backfire in many different ways. This is a spectacular and public way.

IMO, the girl is the one who is trying to control the parents, not the other way around.

 

The parents have clearly stated that they never threw their dd out of the house, and they have repeatedly said that they want her to move back home with them. Clearly, the girl believed that she was entitled to live wherever she wanted and do whatever she pleased... all with her parents' money.

 

Ummmm.... No.

 

Welcome to reality, kid. You move out of your parents' house, and you're on your own unless they decide to help you out.

 

She moved out of the house, but sued for a "living allowance," because she was unable to support herself. :glare:

 

The parents believe she is being led down the wrong path and given bad advice by the friend's father, and it sounds like that may very well be the case, as it seems like he was the one who came up with the brilliant idea of suing her parents.

 

I can't think of a single reason why she should have sued her parents for things like a living allowance, and I'm glad the judge saw it the same way. I have no idea how her college fund is structured, so I don't know whether or not she will legally be entitled to it.

 

I can't help but wonder if the reason why the friend's dad encouraged the lawsuit is because this girl has been freeloading at his house for the past 5 months and maybe he's getting a little sick of supporting her. It doesn't sound like she even has a part-time job, so the friend's family is on the hook for everything she needs, and I'm sure they weren't counting on that when they told her she could stay with them for a little while.