OnTheBrink Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Dd (15) is a bridesmaid for her bf (18), who is getting married next month. BF's sister (also 18) is throwing a lingerie shower for the bride. Invitations included the bra and panty size of the bride. I'll be honest here, I find this a little...weird. Dd finds it weird, too, but feels as a bridesmaid, she should go. We talked about it this this morning and DD is not comfortable picking out intimate apparel for her friend. I told her we could get her a gc and she can choose her own undies. Is this odd? Would you be weirded out by a lingerie shower for a teen bride? Do you feel this kind of party is even appropriate, given 2 of the bridesmaids are 15? Are lingerie showers tacky? I'm really put off by the whole concept. And, I'd be put off by the concept for a woman of any age. I don't want to buy anyone lingerie and surely don't want people buying for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I don't find it odd. Obviously if she's getting married, she's going to have sex. She could get her pajamas instead of bra or underwear. My sister had a personal shower in 1982 so it's definitely not a new thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I threw one for my sister, who got married in August. She's 21. I didn't find it odd, but I'm sure that's one of those cultural things which will vary widely from person to person. We had a really nice time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 The first time I heard of one of these was when my sister got married at 18yo. I was appalled. Horrifically embarrassed might be a better way of saying how I felt. Some of the stuff my sister got was really racy and I felt very uncomfortable being there. IMO, lingerie is a very personal item and I don't want to be buying it for anyone else nor seeing what someone else gets. So yes, I feel it is very tacky. But that's just me. :) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Dd (15) is a bridesmaid for her bf (18), who is getting married next month. BF's sister (also 18) is throwing a lingerie shower for the bride. Invitations included the bra and panty size of the bride. I'll be honest here, I find this a little...weird. Dd finds it weird, too, but feels as a bridesmaid, she should go. We talked about it this this morning and DD is not comfortable picking out intimate apparel for her friend. I told her we could get her a gc and she can choose her own undies. Is this odd? Would you be weirded out by a lingerie shower for a teen bride? Do you feel this kind of party is even appropriate, given 2 of the bridesmaids are 15? Are lingerie showers tacky? I'm really put off by the whole concept. And, I'd be put off by the concept for a woman of any age. I don't want to buy anyone lingerie and surely don't want people buying for me! Hmm... I've never been to a lingerie shower specifically. I was going to go to one several years ago, and I believe the bride was young, but I got a terrible stomach virus that day and couldn't make it (and I was so excited to go!!) I really do not see what on earth her age has to do with it. :blink: I'm the person who takes a gift card for lingerie to a regular shower (assuming it's not coed). A nice Victoria's Secret gift card, in a basket with some candles or something else inexpensive. For my best friends? I totally just bought the lingerie and gave it to them, for them to open in front of everyone. :D ETA: I forgot to mention that I got some really UGLY lingerie at one of mine!! :lol: It was our church one. It had feathers and all this ridiculous stuff... I took it back. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairie~Phlox Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Nope, not odd, I've known quite a few young pepple to get married and have these types of showers ahead of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 What is MORE awkward is when your mom takes you shopping for lingerie for your wedding night ;) I know these things! LOL eta: I was 19 when I married. She said I deserved to have something pretty. I don't find the party idea any different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 What is MORE awkward is when your mom takes you shopping for lingerie for your wedding night ;) I know these things! LOL Same here!! Well... she wanted to. She settled for buying the (maybe slightly racy) blue undies that I wore under my dress. I insisted I didn't want to get anything. (I really thought I didn't) Then, the week of the wedding, my best friend/MOH told me we just HAD to, so I went with her instead. My grandma may have seen it after I bought it, I don't remember... (I was 18) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 The first time I heard of one of these was when my sister got married at 18yo. I was appalled. Horrifically embarrassed might be a better way of saying how I felt. Some of the stuff my sister got was really racy and I felt very uncomfortable being there. IMO, lingerie is a very personal item and I don't want to be buying it for anyone else nor seeing what someone else gets. So yes, I feel it is very tacky. But that's just me. :) This is where I am, and this is how DD feels. Lingerie is rather personal. We're going the gift card route. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 I guess having the mom take the girl lingerie shopping WOULD be a bit awkward! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa R. Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 A pretty nightgown is also an appropriate gift for these types of showers. It doesn't have to be undergarments. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I'm fine with it. I never had a specific lingerie shower but I've given and received some nighties or teddies at wedding showers. I don't see how undergarments or pajamas are something to be embarrassed or appalled about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 What is awkward is if the bride to be insists on modeling it for her guests. And no, I was not the bride-to-be. Talk about embarrassing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Call me a prude, but I am not a fan. I just find these kinds of things just too personal for large groups. They may know that they will have sex, but does it have the be the focus of the event? I went to a bridal shower for a friend (a long time ago.) Her aunt got her some sexy underthings and the bride was very embarrassed to have opened that gift in front of a room full of people. A gift card is fine. Oohing and aahing over unmentionables is another. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I've been to a few. It really depends on the people. One I went to was really tacky. Everything seemed like a gag gift to me. I remember a red and black garter with a little holster and toy gun. (I am pretty conservative though so ymmv.) But others were nice and there were a lot of thoughtful gifts. I wouldn't buy bras. Even with the size, bras can just not fit right. Nightgown, pajamas, bathrobe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Also, an acceptable gift is candles, body lotions, bubble baths, etc.. anything pampering typically :) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 A pretty nightgown is also an appropriate gift for these types of showers. It doesn't have to be undergarments. I agree. My grandmother gave me a white slip at my personal shower. Still have it. Still use it. Other people gave pajama sets. No one gave bras and underwear. I didn't register for bras and underwear or state my sizes on the invitations. I don't find these types of showers odd, but I would opt to buy a young bride a gc or some cute pj's rather than panties or sexy lingerie just because I think one ought to choose one's own drawers. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I don't find it odd. Teen bride, or not, she's getting married. I can think of a lot more stuff I needed/wanted when I got married though. Besides, dh is not a lingerie fan ;) . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 The one I attended had a variety of items given, ranging from a comfy-looking Victoria's Secret tank and PJ pants set to ridiculous undies that were more like a gag gift. I don't see what the age of the bride-to-be has to do with anything--she is getting married, after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Lingerie was the only type of gift for a shower where I come from. But not bras and panties--nighties, teddies and tap pants, negligees. Getting appliances (of the kitchen type...lol) and towels and things was expected at a kitchen shower, but those were unusual, as that sort of thing was on your registry. The shower was for personal things for the bride. I think it's rather lovely and fun, and a nice way for women to support and celebrate the bride. And my mom took me shopping for my wedding night nightgown. It wasn't a bad thing for me, but a celebratory thing. We were expected to wait for the honeymoon for s3x, so the wedding night was a big deal. To each his own. Or her own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I think the awkward part is that the bridesmaid is quite young. If I were helping host/organize such a thing or was a parent with influece, I'd encourage the bride/organizer to have a lingerie party with just her age-mates +/- older women if she thinks they'd enjoy it. It is awkward since the girls are mates/friends but with a substantial (for their ages/life stages) age gap. Not all guests/bridesmaids have to attend EVERY shower -- some brides have quite a few! Since you don't have much influence in this situation, and it's too late to fix it, I'd just have "the talk" with your 15 yo, explaining that sex is a natural and exciting part of marriage, and, this awkwardness is a simple consequence of having a bf who is quite a bit older than she is (and marrying young, to boot). If her friend has children soon, then there will be distance from that, too. If dd wants to keep this dear friend, she'll have to "stretch" a bit. She can shop for adorable, cute lingerie that doesn't have to scream sex-pot. Silky shorty jammies or lace/white/pink polkadot or whatever . . . Anything like that could be very nice for a bride to stock a drawer full of cute-enough-for-a-blushing bride without screaming X-rated. I, personally, would do just that myself if I were shopping for a lingerie shower, as I can't imagine choosing racy stuff for anyone other than myself! It does feel too intimate to me, not to mention that fitted bras really require trying-on IMHO. But, it is a sweet idea to have adorable appealing sleep/loungewear for a new bride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerico Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I'd rather die than have something like that thrown for me, or attend, even be invited to, or go to a store like that with anybody. Ever. While I don't think the bride's age is a problem, I think it is inappropriate for young unmarried bridesmaids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Your daughter can always pick out a nice silk robe to go over all of that racy stuff. It's supposed to be a fun, girlfriend event. If it makes your daughter uncomfortable, she should certainly beg out of it. The older ladies should understand. My daughter is 16 and she wouldn't attend one of these for anyone. I'd probably take it upon myself to speak to the friend and get her out of it with no hard feelings, but I'm not sure how that approach would fly in your situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I still remember a lot of what I received at my lingerie shower: A couple of nice nighties a few panties a racier teddy a scandalous bra/panty set some candles to float in the tub an assortment of edible items I was thrown three different showers in three different states; the lingerie one was the only one I received anything like bedroom wear. If someone had given me the edible panties to open in front of my grandmothers I think I probably would have been embarrassed! ETa- It is definitely meant to be a fun girls event and I have never attended one that was raunchy unless the bride wanted raunchy. If the bride is fairly conservative on personal matters, I wouldn't think the shower would be bad. I also don't think your daughter should feel pressured to attend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Personal opinion is that such a shower is purposely risque (at best), tacky and also quite out-of-date. I don't see anything inherently enjoyable in the event. That said, I can see it appealing to kids (such as age 18). I would not force your daughter to attend if she does not want to. Good for her that she can articulate her discomfort. Being a bridesmaid does not obligate her to attend. (Were it my own daughter, she would not be allowed to attend; however, that applies to my own family.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Generally speaking, no, I don't think it's categorically tacky or inappropriate. I do think who ever is throwing the party has to have very realistic ideas about the guest list. If you have on the guest list minors and people who are likely to be upset at the idea of buying sex clothes for someone, then there should be a plan for having another bridal shower for them where they'll be more comfortable with a different theme and they can give other types of gifts. What's horrifying is: 1) When your MIL gives you racy sex clothes in front of the 6 year old flower girl who wants to know, "What's that? What's it for?"........BTDT 2) Typical stupid game bridal and baby showers. I know people will be upset by this, but I think playing stupid games is for children. I'm not a child. I'm an adult and playing stupid guessing games, measuring games, making tissue paper anything is not for adults. I'm constantly in a state of cringe and embarrassment for anyone at a bridal or baby shower being subjected to such nonsense. One of the many reasons I moved up my wedding date was so I wouldn't have to be subjected to the typical stupid game bridal shower. I did throw a bridal shower for my SIL a few years after I was married and there were no stupid games of any kind. I blew up a photo of her and her then boyfriend who caught the bouquet and garter belt at my wedding (another stupid tradition I was pressured to participate in.) I interviewed the groom on video without her knowing about it and asked him to tell us all about their relationship milestones and his favorite memories, things about her, etc. and played it at the bridal shower. Then we ate and chatted and opened gifts like adults. At least lingerie gift giving is adult type activity, so those types of bridal showers don't bother me at all. I don't think minors should be invited to them, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Among a few close friends? I think it is okay, even if it's not something I would do (and it's not). Inviting everyone you'd invite to a normal bridal shower, including aunts and young teens and female friends of the groom? Definitely weird to me. I have only been invited to one of these. We had been friends with the groom for years and years. We barely knew the bride (for that matter, the groom barely knew the bride, lol). I didn't attend. We brought a gift to the wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I was a young bride (19) and had one of these showers. HOWEVER, it was just my girlfriends/bridesmaids and I. No "grownups" or parents around. And definitely not co-ed. I would have died had my mom been at my lingerie shower -- my girlfriends got me all kinds of kinky stuff, LOL (in addition to some nice nighties, pjs). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Is this regional? Everyone from my hometown has a personal shower. My Grandma gave me a really nice bathrobe. I guess how racy/classy it would be would depend on the guests. Mine was lovely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I did not have one and have never been to one. I'm of the buy-your-own-underthings-and-kink camp. ;) If your DD does not want to attend, I don't think she should feel obligated simply because she's a bridesmaid. I would decline the invite politely without a reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Lingerie was the only type of gift for a shower where I come from. But not bras and panties--nighties, teddies and tap pants, negligees. Getting appliances (of the kitchen type...lol) and towels and things was expected at a kitchen shower, but those were unusual, as that sort of thing was on your registry. The shower was for personal things for the bride. I think it's rather lovely and fun, and a nice way for women to support and celebrate the bride. And my mom took me shopping for my wedding night nightgown. It wasn't a bad thing for me, but a celebratory thing. We were expected to wait for the honeymoon for s3x, so the wedding night was a big deal. To each his own. Or her own. This. I say I bought lingerie for my best friend - it was of the negligee type I suppose. I did probably get her a pair of cheeky fishnet undies, but that was more for humor than anything else. I wouldn't do, like, bras and underwear in general. Sorry - when I say lingerie I usually mean the type above, just for clarification. :) I think the awkward part is that the bridesmaid is quite young. If I were helping host/organize such a thing or was a parent with influece, I'd encourage the bride/organizer to have a lingerie party with just her age-mates +/- older women if she thinks they'd enjoy it. It is awkward since the girls are mates/friends but with a substantial (for their ages/life stages) age gap. Not all guests/bridesmaids have to attend EVERY shower -- some brides have quite a few! Since you don't have much influence in this situation, and it's too late to fix it, I'd just have "the talk" with your 15 yo, explaining that sex is a natural and exciting part of marriage, and, this awkwardness is a simple consequence of having a bf who is quite a bit older than she is (and marrying young, to boot). If her friend has children soon, then there will be distance from that, too. If dd wants to keep this dear friend, she'll have to "stretch" a bit. ^^This is perfect! She can shop for adorable, cute lingerie that doesn't have to scream sex-pot. Silky shorty jammies or lace/white/pink polkadot or whatever . . . Anything like that could be very nice for a bride to stock a drawer full of cute-enough-for-a-blushing bride without screaming X-rated. I, personally, would do just that myself if I were shopping for a lingerie shower, as I can't imagine choosing racy stuff for anyone other than myself! It does feel too intimate to me, not to mention that fitted bras really require trying-on IMHO. But, it is a sweet idea to have adorable appealing sleep/loungewear for a new bride. I also agree with the bolded - lingerie showers are more 'personal' showers and can include a range of things, from stuff to pamper herself to nightgowns or nice pjs or whatev. Not my idea of a good time, but whatever. I have been to bachlorette parties (with strippers) though. So it could be worse (or better depending on how one looks at it)! LOL I think the gift card idea is fine. But anyhow, how much lingerie does a person need!? :D As much as they want!!! :D Generally speaking, no, I don't think it's categorically tacky or inappropriate. I do think who ever is throwing the party has to have very realistic ideas about the guest list. If you have on the guest list minors and people who are likely to be upset at the idea of buying sex clothes for someone, then there should be a plan for having another bridal shower for them where they'll be more comfortable with a different theme and they can give other types of gifts. What's horrifying is: 1) When your MIL gives you racy sex clothes in front of the 6 year old flower girl who wants to know, "What's that? What's it for?"........BTDT Though that does beg the question - why was the 6 year old flower girl there? I gave my friend lingerie and our SIL showed up with her 4 (I think?) yo DD. It was stupid of her. I wouldn't take Pink to a bridal shower for a few more years - baby showers, sure. Bridal showers? No. There's bound to be SOMEONE at the shower who gives something on the 'personal' side, and I see NOTHING wrong with that. Unless it was specified that it was a 'family' shower (I had one - literally, my entire extended family was there, and it was combined with my great-grandma's birthday), in which case one shouldn't bring gifts like that. But otherwise, it's fair game, and I expect it. 2) Typical stupid game bridal and baby showers. I know people will be upset by this, but I think playing stupid games is for children. I'm not a child. I'm an adult and playing stupid guessing games, measuring games, making tissue paper anything is not for adults. I'm constantly in a state of cringe and embarrassment for anyone at a bridal or baby shower being subjected to such nonsense. I agree so very much with this. I hate games. One of the many reasons I moved up my wedding date was so I wouldn't have to be subjected to the typical stupid game bridal shower. I did throw a bridal shower for my SIL a few years after I was married and there were no stupid games of any kind. I blew up a photo of her and her then boyfriend who caught the bouquet and garter belt at my wedding (another stupid tradition I was pressured to participate in.) I interviewed the groom on video without her knowing about it and asked him to tell us all about their relationship milestones and his favorite memories, things about her, etc. and played it at the bridal shower. Then we ate and chatted and opened gifts like adults. At least lingerie gift giving is adult type activity, so those types of bridal showers don't bother me at all. I don't think minors should be invited to them, though. On a side note, I just remembered that the one lingerie shower I was invited to (and didn't make it) - I DID go to her 'regular' shower a few weeks later. Her grandma is SUPER conservative, and she said to the bride, 'Oh, I should have gotten you some cute pjs! Now that you're getting married, you can wear shorts to bed!' NOT EVEN KIDDING. I still chuckle when I think of that. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I think they are tacky. Not only are you being forced to bring only one type of gift, it's embarrassing for some guests (my sister, mother of groom, did not attend, neither did my 10 year old niece who is a jr bridesmaid). Getting a piece or two at a bridal shower....thoughtful and fun. But an entire shower devoted to just lingerie with mixed company? Strange. Never heard of one until just a few weeks ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I would like to clarify that our personal showers were never in mixed (gender) company! No shower was. ;) (I'm old!) I would never do a lingerie shower for a mixed company shower. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I would like to clarify that our personal showers were never in mixed (gender) company! No shower was. ;) (I'm old!) I would never do a lingerie shower for a mixed company shower. And just to clarify my use of mixed company, I was referring to vastly differing ages, relationships, etc. Wasn't thinking gender, but that would be strange too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Never mixed company!! Really, it is usually just a few of the bride's nearest and dearest. It is only tacky if you have tacky friends and family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Tacky, maybe. I find it strange that a 15 year old has an 18 year old friend who is getting married anyway; that just seems like a big life experience gap. OTOH, I was the first of my friends to get married at the age of 27. My sister threw me a "toy party"....and invited my very very conservative mother and grandmother and future SIL. Talk about awkward... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpecialClassical Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Your daughter can always pick out a nice silk robe to go over all of that racy stuff. It's supposed to be a fun, girlfriend event. If it makes your daughter uncomfortable, she should certainly beg out of it. The older ladies should understand. My daughter is 16 and she wouldn't attend one of these for anyone. I'd probably take it upon myself to speak to the friend and get her out of it with no hard feelings, but I'm not sure how that approach would fly in your situation. A friend got me a silky robe at my personal shower and it is the only thing I still use. It is pretty and I would have never spent money to buy myself one. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Well, my SIL's maid of honor was her next youngest sister - SIL was 24, her sister was 12. I was 20 when I married, my 6 year old sister was in our wedding as a junior bridesmaid. So, the concept of a teen girl being a bridesmaid to a young woman getting married is not abnormal to me. DD had two young ladies she mentored in her wedding - they were 14 and 16 and not relatives, dd 22. These girls had grown very close to her during the time dd was investing in their lives, and she didn't want to leave them out of her special day. It was no big deal. Her older bridesmaids wanted to have a friends only, ladies night shower in which she was no doubt going to get personal items. The girls and their mother understood they would not be invited to this shower. So my sister, the maid of honor, dd's honorary sister, and some close single and married gals who were friends of the family and part of dd's inner circle had the shower on a Friday night, and they had a blast! I could have attended if I had wanted to, but my dad had just gotten home from the hospital from his major open heart surgery, and I wasn't leaving mom alone with him yet. But, if I had gone, it would not have bothered me. We are fairly open about s*xual topics around here and especially now that all three boys are teens. It can be tacky if one has trashy friends. DD's friends were really great, and it was a super nice shower, and she was given attractive things, nothing that I would describe as skanky. I think the only thing inappropriate in the OP's is not the actual nature of the shower, but that the older participants did not seem to recognize that maybe it wouldn't be appropriate for a younger teen or conservative friends and relatives. The shower hostesses are guilty of not narrowing the guest list properly. Faith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 You don't need a special shower for someone to give you lingerie. At least with a lingerie shower you're warned. Nothing like opening lingerie in front of your grandmother, teenage cousins, and assorted semi-strangers when you think its towels. I've only been to one. I was in college and it was only the girl's age-peers (20-22). Someone thought it would be funny because this girl was very easily embarrassed. A group of us attended simply to keep the atmosphere light. I gave her a really beautiful set of embroidered hose to wear to her wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I was a young bride (19) and had one of these showers. HOWEVER, it was just my girlfriends/bridesmaids and I. No "grownups" or parents around. And definitely not co-ed. I would have died had my mom been at my lingerie shower -- my girlfriends got me all kinds of kinky stuff, LOL (in addition to some nice nighties, pjs). See, now this seems fine to me. A bride and a few of her closest friends? Sure - some ladies could have a lot of fun with this. A huge group and inviting multiple 15 year olds, grandmothers, old aunts, etc? Mmmm ... no. I have no problem with the 15 year olds in the bridal party, but inviting them to a racy event that is clearly going to make at least one of them uncomfortable? No. I had 2 showers, plus a night out with the women in the bridal party and I never had a personal shower. Definitely not the norm here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I had several younger girls in my wedding party, (I was 21 when I married), and none of them attended the lingerie shower. In fact, all of the ones I attended over the years were thrown by and for college age friends who might not be able to attend the wedding due to distance, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I don't think it's weird but only if it's very close friends. I would not let my 15yo go (and I don't think yours is obligated to go in spite of being a bridesmaid). I have been to some of these where the comments and conversation have gotten quite raunchy -- it's amazing what older, married woman can blurt out in a setting like that. :lol: But I certainly don't think it's a weird tradition. I was broke when I got married and was so thrilled to have a few silky/lacy nighties that I could not have afforded on my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 When I use my mixing bowls I think of the dear lady who gave them to us at our wedding shower. Pasta maker? My co-workers. Spice rack...my sister. Knives...my mom. Etc etc. I always think of the gift-giver. Therefore, I am very happy I did not have a lingerie shower... :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 My sister threw me a "toy party"....and invited my very very conservative mother and grandmother and future SIL. Talk about awkward... Awkward indeed! I would have skipped the party if someone had thrown one of those for me. TMI! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Back in the day ( I got married in 1980), the bridesmaids and sisters of the bride would give the bride lingerie the night before the wedding. It was just a tiny group of very close friends, and usually they went in together and bought a negligee or something for the bride. I had a general shower and a Tupperware shower- and like a previous poster, I fondly recalled the gift giver when I used the item. So I'm glad I didn't have a lingerie shower! But these days, teen girls shop for all kinds of stuff together- I see plenty of teens in Victoria's Secret. So they probably wouldn't be uncomfortable with a lingerie shower. I, on the other hand, would never shop for panties or bras with my girlfriends. Just no. I'm not a prude- my girlfriends and I laughed our way through watching Bridesmaids. But my undergarments are personal, thankyouverymuch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Have your dd pick out a nice robe. I saw a white silky one with "bride" written on it in Target the other day. She can wear it on her wedding day. It would be a very special gift! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sisyphus Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 This must be a regional thing, I'm sort of glad I read this. Dh and I eloped overseas, but his family gave me a shower and it was all lingerie. I was so weirded out- a sexy nightie from his MOM?! I've seriously been confused about that all this time! Where I am from a shower (and I had one in my hometown thrown by my mom) is household stuff. So I was very confused all this time, lol. It must be a culture/region thing! I would never dream of asking, and I just blushed furiously (dh was present!) and made nice noises and tried to melt into my chair. Nothing was totally racy (no handcuffs) but it was so, so weird to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 What is awkward is if the bride to be insists on modeling it for her guests. And no, I was not the bride-to-be. Talk about embarrassing! SHUT UP! That is insane! I had a lingerie shower (1995) and my mom, grandmother and MIL were there. It didn't bother me to have them there. My close friends and cousins were also there. We had a great time. My mom, grandmother and MIL all gave me tasteful gifts (night gowns, a robe and a pair of high heeled slippers-of course!). Even if the bride is young, she's still a bride and if she's okay with the shower, I don't think anyone else should have a problem with it. OP, if your daughter doesn't want to go, she should tell the bride that it's nothing personal, but it's just not something she's comfortable with. If they are BF's, the bride should understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 SHUT UP! That is insane! This person has always had problems with boundaries. . .! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I'd rather die than have something like that thrown for me, or attend, even be invited to, or go to a store like that with anybody. Ever. You would never go to a store like Victoria's Secret? :confused: Department stores -- and even stores like Target and Walmart -- have some racy stuff, and If you're on the conservative side, I would think it would be far more comfortable to buy any kind of lingerie in a store where the vast majority of the staff and customers are women (like Victoria's Secret) than it would be to buy it in a department store where lots of men and families shop. I guess I just don't really understand why you feel so strongly against something like a lingerie shower. What are you picturing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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