What do you do if you're an introvert???

[EmilyGF]

I'm currently retreating to my room to read news every night after dinner, but I don't like reading news and I don't like retreating the moment we finish dinner. I'd like to deal with my need (?) for a bit of quiet in a better way.

 

Suggestions?

 

Emily

[Dandelion]

I'm not an introvert, but I can appreciate the need for some quiet time. What helps you relax and destress? What type of activity or environment helps you feel refreshed? What does an ideal quiet time scenario look like for you? I'd start by answering those questions and then structuring your evening accordingly.

[tex-bex]

I stay up too late every night after everyone has gone to bed. I watch *my* shows and dork around on the Internet. Occasionally I read an actual book.

 

My fantasy is everyone leaves me at home alone for a whole day, with all chores completed beforehand. :p

[waa510]

I go to the gym. Yes, I'm around people but I don't actually have to deal with them so it works for me. I also try to pawn my dh off on all the events that involve large amounts of social time for a whole day. I'm still hoping he'll take dd to her Daisy all-day camp-out thing next week. *shudder*

[Aspasia]

I have the same question. I tend to retreat throughout the day, when the kids are playing happily, when they're eating, etc. I can start feeling smothered pretty easily if I don't do it every few hours. Especially after outings or errands, right when we come home, I send the kids outside or to the playroom. Running around in public for several hours, corralling kids, answering the incessant questions, mediating sibling squabbles--that stuff really takes it out of me.

 

Dh also lets me leave for a few hours on the weekend, to go do whatever I want to do.

[Rosie_0801]

I'd like to deal with my need (?) for a bit of quiet in a better way.

 

Suggestions?

 

 

I suggest you remove that question mark. :closedeyes:

[Word Nerd]

I work outside the home, so it's easier to find that time than when I was at home 24/7. I sit in my car or outside and read on my lunch break whenever I don't have to run errands. It's the quietest place I know of. When I'm at home and need (and yes, it is a need) to recharge, I go to my room, take a bath, exercise, or do something else on my own.

 

Try changing the time of day if after dinner isn't working, and do something you enjoy. It may not need to be a regularly scheduled, daily thing, and it shouldn't be a chore or a task to check off your list.

[Ghee]

I usually stay up far too late to get in my quiet time. I'm trying to rearrange it so I get up early and get it in before kids awake, it's just as nice and my frame of mind is better when I do. I'm a night owl by nature, though, so I find it really easy to slip back into staying up too late.

[Desert Rat]

My dh takes both kids to archery practice once a week, usually Fridays. I get 3 hours to myself. It works perfectly and is just what I needed.

 

I used to feel guilty because we're the kind of family that goes to activities together. We are a busy family with soccer, taekwondo, archery, pokemon club. We combine those activities with family time, chatting and playing games when we can. My dh reassured me that I need time to myself to be happy. And he's an extrovert. His current job doesn't have a lot of interaction with people so he needs that time at night to get his people fix.

 

I also stay home from taekwondo one night to clean our house. I get it all done in the time they are gone without anyone under my feet.

 

Before this was possible, I used to spend Sunday mornings in my room for a few hours watching a movie. I'm very grateful to have a dh who understands that I need time to myself. Of course, it definitely benefits him to have a happy wife. ;)

[Dahliarw]

Get a Kindle and read books. Find a hobby you can do in your room (scrapbooking, knitting, sewing?). Go for a walk when the weather is nice, by yourself.

[wingedradical]

I take very long baths. And I have a lot of water damaged books.

[Parrothead]

Get up before the kids or stay up late after them. Send them with dad on errands.

[WTMCassandra]

Hide whenever possible on evenings and weekends. Occasionally lock myself in the motorhome (parked next to the house) for the weekend.

[KungFuPanda]

Shoot, I LIKE people and I need to get away from them. Everybody needs a moment to hear themselves think. One of the perks of having teens is that they can disappear into their rooms for HOURS. Sometimes I drag them out, but other times I let them fly under the radar and just enjoy the quiet and a whole floor to myself.

[Ellie]

Regular, early bedtimes (7:30ish) for the dc.

 

Grocery shopping alone.

 

Um... :huh: I think that was all. I thought that being with the dc all.day.long would be tough, but it turned out not to be so bad. :-)

 

I did not, however, choose instructional materials or methods that required me to be face-to-face with the dc all.day.long; for example, I don't think Sonlight would have worked for us. KONOS did, but I did KONOS two days a week, not every day. Spalding was about my limit, lol.

[Hen]

I go walking/running by myself, all alone. And, once a week dh takes the kids to dinner/shopping at Costco, comes home to drop off cold food and then takes them all to Barnes & Nobles. I read, putter, play on the computer in a totally quiet house, just me and the dog.

[Joules]

Yoga! It took me awhile to get the practice down, but it has become the ultimate introvert activity for me. It's good for me, too. After 45-60 minutes of being alone with yoga, I actually like people again. (On the other hand, I do NOT like people who interrupt my yoga, but they have learned better :) )

[Pawz4me]

I get up at least an hour earlier than everybody else. It means I'm up by 5:00 a.m. during the week, but that hour of waking quiet, alone time is much more precious to me than sleep.

[Zebra]

Well you have a legitimate need for quiet time and THAT IS OK! You need to take care of yourself as an introvert and not feel guilty about it. One of the things I find so challenging as a homeschooling introvert is all the together time. It's too much of a good thing sometimes :) . I wouldn't feel guilty about retreating right after dinner. Maybe you could find something else to do if you don't like reading the news. I used to retreat for an hour after dinner and just watch some Netflix, by myself. Now we have enforced quiet time scattered throughout the day. Find whatever works for you, but the most important thing is to see this as a need that should be met just like sleeping or eating.

[EmilyGF]

Hmmm. I think I need to have DH read some of this. He's just not like me in this way, so we eat breakfast and dinner together as a family (and talk the whole time!). Once, when he stayed at my grandparents' house and tried to talk with them during breakfast, they told him it was too early to talk, and he found that hilarious. I've adjusted, but...

 

Either we go to things as a family or I take the kids, since he has a super demanding job. We moved away from my family last fall, but they used to watch the kids on Saturdays while I could do something else.

 

Thanks for the suggestions.

 

I should see about setting up a table in my room. I set up a sewing room, but now the toddler sleeps there.

 

Emily

[Kelly1730]

I get up about an hour before everyone else too. That's my quiet time. I also try to go where ever they are NOT, like outside, in another room to read or, shockingly, just think for a few minutes.

[Blueridge]

Garden. :)

[Tammyla]

Find a bit of quiet time for yourself each day. I had a friend who wore ear-plugs around her very noisy family and read on the couch.

[mlktwins]

Just recently I've decided I'm more introverted than I thought. Before the boys, I would have said I was a total extrovert. Maybe that was because I had my fill of people at work and had time to decompress when I came home -- either when I lived by myself or after I married DH. Now that I've been home with the boys for 7.5 years and homeschooling, I've figured out I am a definite introvert. For me that means I like some social time with friends (I have lunch with 2 different friends once a month or so) and I enjoy time with my boys and DH. But...I am very comfortable being alone. I actually need it. I need to come home and decompress when I've been around people in a gathering or once everyone clears out of my house after a holiday dinner. I can very easily get overwhelmed by the constant noise and chatter of the boys (especially at certain times of the month). I just need to get away from everyone and not hear any noise. I'm trying to figure out the best way to get some time. I've been trying to institute quiet time for all of us during the day. I get up with DH when he leaves for work and that gives me at least 1.5 hours of me time. DH is actually going out of town tomorrow and the boys are staying at the grandparents for the night. I don't even know what I'm going to do, but I can guarentee it will be quiet and something I enjoy. Maybe work on my scrapbooks that are so far behind I'll never get caught up -- LOL. I am cleaning like a crazy person today so everything is done by 5 pm tomorrow :-)..

[Zebra]

This is an interesting Q&A from SWB about afternoon quiet time, if you're interested. For me it just felt like I was validated in needing some quiet time every day. Also, if you institute quiet time during the day, you may not need it so much at night, or at least that's what I have found to be true for me.

[MamaSheep]

I hear ya. It's not about "liking" people or not, it's about your nervous system (and maybe your soul) getting overloaded, and exhausted from processing too much input. If your nervous system has been running marathons all day, of COURSE it needs a little while to rest.

 

One thing I've found is that it helps to specifically schedule solitude time. Somehow knowing it's out there, and I WILL get there, helps the overload leading up to it seem less overwhelming. For me, it helps to have a little every day, and then a big block of time, several hours in a row, at least once a week, and more if I can get it. And it IS a NEED for introverts, just like eating and sleeping and bathing, don't kid yourself. It's how we recharge.

 

Right after dinner might be the best time to take an hour or so "off", if that's what works for you, so that you can be really mentally and emotionally present for your kids during their bedtime routines. If it is, do NOT feel guilty about it. Your dh and kids need you to have this time too, even if they don't realize it, because you are much more fun to hang out with when you're sane. If that's not a good time for you to be missing in action with the family, set aside a better time during the day so that you aren't "starving" for it when dinner is over. You DO need it. Just as much as you need dinner. Honestly and truly.

 

I hear you about the news. It's not very restful.

 

Some things for things I do during downtime (and some things I've heard friends say they do):

 

Read for entertainment (tell us some things you've enjoyed reading in the past, or the kinds of TV shows you like, and I bet you can get some great suggestions here). Library books don't cost anything.

 

Read to learn about something *I* want to know about (not for school prep). This includes studying my faith's religious texts (as well as sermons by church leaders and speeches by scholars on related subjects, that sort of thing), as well as reading about a skill I want to learn (currently I'm learning about story structure and novel writing--maybe I'll give it a shot sometime, but sometimes I read about these things just to know how it's done, not because I want to do it myself), or a topic that came up during school or a conversation with someone I know that I want to know more about (yesterday it was the symbolism of the Rastafari colors; it came up, I wanted to know, but it didn't fit in the conversation so I mentally filed it away to look up later).

 

Engage in a craft I enjoy, or think I might enjoy if I tried it out. I'm a quilter and embroiderer. I like to bake (though this one is tricky for "alone time" because if I'm in the kitchen people think they can come talk to me). I have a degree in art, and sometimes I like to dust off those skills. I garden (they usually leave me alone out there, but dd is developing an interest so it might not be good for alone time much longer--I'll still do it, but I'll have to do it sometime OTHER than my alone time, when I can feel like my daughter is welcome and not an interruption). Sometimes I do a little woodworking or tinker with appliance repair.

 

A long, hot bath. There's something about hot water and a locked door. I, too, have some water damaged books. :) I don't take the "good" ones or borrowed ones in there, but sometimes a cheap paperback is a lovely bath companion.

 

Watch a show that *I* want to watch. I'm partial to romantic comedies and period dramas, but I watch other stuff too. I really enjoy the long mini-series kind, but there are some episodic TV shows I enjoy just as much that fit into a smaller space of time.

 

Exercise. But not in a public area of the house. For me being where people can see me exercise makes it "social" time, not "alone" time. I need to be off in my own corner somewhere or else leave the house (not to a gym, that's "social" for me).

 

Contemplative housework. This is not a big one for me, but I have friends who refuel by doing the ironing or cleaning the bathroom or whatever. It's alone time, good for thinking things through, and you get to have that feeling of having accomplished something good AND the peace of a cleaner house.

 

Go out for a walk or drive alone. Especially if there's somewhere nearby where you can drive roads that run through natural areas and are mostly traffic-free.

 

Write letters. People really like to get real, live notes and letters in this day of tweets and texts. Write to your husband. Write to your kids. Write to friends and relatives. Write a letter to yourself about this stage of your life, and store it away to read in ten years.

 

 

Whatever it is, find SOMETHING. You and your family will all be glad you did.

[Amy in TX]

I've also gotten really good at tuning things out. I can be in a large crowd of people and feel like I'm the only one there. It's kinda weird. Sometimes when my kids are talking to me, I don't hear them. I actually have to force myself to pay attention to them. I know that probably sounds terrible, but they talk A LOT. And I can't possibly take it all in all the time. So I don't. And they are happy because they have an audience.

 

LOL. I do that, and have perfected a "hm" kind of noncommittal answer. Sometimes my son says, "Mommy, I'm gonna tell you something, and don't just say "hm."

[fairfarmhand]

1. Afternoon quiet time. IT takes training for your kids to understand what to expect. Give it 2 weeks.

 

2. I get up earlier than everyone else. (my kids are 5 and up, so this is an option. When I had babies/toddlers, I never could manage it.) My youngest is an early bird, but he has to sit on the bed and read until 7 am if he wakes when I get up.

 

3. I do the dishes all by myself in the kitchen. I don't mind dishes. And the fact that I am working somehow makes my kids scatter! They don't want to be pulled into it!

 

4. Alternately, I let them clean the kitchen and I go run or putter around outside.

 

5. My showers are non-negotiable me-time. I get REALLY cranky if someone knocks on the door while I am showering or pottying. Seriously, you can't wait 15-20 minutes for whatever it is that you need. IT had BETTER be an emergency if you knock while I'm in the shower.

 

6. All day, I find ways to step away for 5-10 minutes. Those small breaks, even if it's just to get the mail, really help.

[I.Dup.]

Since my children just will not do quiet time :cursing: , I hire a mother's helper for 2 hours 4 days a week (the 2 hours before dh gets home) so I can be in my room ALONE and not have someone barging in on me every 2 seconds. I don't know how I would stay sane without this time each day. Lately it extends into when dh gets home, the mother's helper leaves when he gets home and he watches the kids for another hour or so while I nap. It's lovely.

[MommaOfalotta]

I stay up too late every night after everyone has gone to bed. I watch *my* shows and dork around on the Internet. Occasionally I read an actual book.

 

My fantasy is everyone leaves me at home alone for a whole day, with all chores completed beforehand. :p

 

 

Exactly. Word for word.

 

Dh has been promising me one of these days for a long time now.

[hsmom2011]

nm

[lllll]

..

[tex-bex]

I also love blow drying my hair. I can't hear *anyone* and the dryer is pure white noise.

[gardenmom5]

earplugs. the first time I put them in - I was pleased with how much I relaxed. mil was over one day - she drones. on. and. on. and. on. and. on. and .. . ..(she doesn't actually "say" anything you need to respond to.) It was glorious because I couldn't hear her. usually the earplugs only reduce the sound - which helps. dh lol and asked me to have my hair cover my ears so no one could see them.

[hsmom2011]

n/m

[Arcadia]

I'm an introvert but I don't need quiet alone time. I have learnt to tune out noise and I have fun people watching while enjoying my coffee at a cafe. However I need time when I don't need to talk or listen (conversation). So I nap in the passenger seat while hubby drives and kids yak in the back seat. We go to the bookstores or libraries for quiet time as my kids are busy reading and I get to rock in the libraries' rocking chairs. Hubby will supervise the kids when they watch DVDs on weekend nights so I get my quiet time then too.

[KungFuPanda]

I'm an extrovert, but NOT a morning person, so total quiet before 8-9 is perfectly fine. I GET feeling like your ears are full and needing to soak up some quiet. I GET needing time alone. Why wouldn't I get that?

[Donna]

I get up really early and spend some quiet time on the computer before the rest of the house wakes up. I also read most of the time while dd is in rehearsals rather than sit and talk to other parents. Most parents just drop their kids off but there are a couple who, if they stay, I will sit and talk with. I miss my reading time then. I drive from home to home for work and usually it is 20-30 min between patients. I drive and think during that time. I used to hate driving but now I enjoy those quiet breaks to myself. It gives me time to recharge.

 

I don't tend to need complete quiet but I do sometimes need time where I don't have to be "on" and can sit and observe. I spend a lot of my time running my dd on weekends and occasionally enjoy a day where I don't have to go anywhere outside the house.

[nd293]

I'm currently retreating to my room to read news every night after dinner, but I don't like reading news and I don't like retreating the moment we finish dinner.

 

I do that too, although I usually wait until ds6 goes to bed to disappear. As well as reading the news I often watch an episode of something on my iPhone. Sometimes I listen to an audiobook or classical music. I catch up on quick emails, also on my iPhone.

 

We're just home from a two day drive / scenic road trip, and tonight I couldn't even wait until after dinner: I cooked it, then escaped to my room with a glass of Coke Zero and my phone while the rest eat. I'll eat when they're in bed and it's safe to come out!

[Mommyfaithe]

I go to the gym. Yes, I'm around people but I don't actually have to deal with them so it works for me. I also try to pawn my dh off on all the events that involve large amounts of social time for a whole day. I'm still hoping he'll take dd to her Daisy all-day camp-out thing next week. *shudder*

 

This is what I do too. Yes, there are people there, but we wave hello and do our stuff....no one gets hurt! LOL!

[Mommyfaithe]

I also love blow drying my hair. I can't hear *anyone* and the dryer is pure white noise.

Yup....Can't hear you....I am vacuuuming....Can't hear you, I am mowing the grass! Can't hear you, I am in the shower!....LOL! Love those Can't hear yous!!!!!

 

[Thia7278]

Yup....Can't hear you....I am vacuuuming....Can't hear you, I am mowing the grass! Can't hear you, I am in the shower!....LOL! Love those Can't hear yous!!!!!

 

Oh...that's why I like to vac and am reluctant to turn that task over to the kids. My husband keeps telling me it's time to delegate that chore and I can't explain why I'm so reluctant to do so...

[Outdoorsy Type]

For day to day - hot bath and reading my kindle (in a plastic bag to protect it). What really helps is when my dh takes the kids swimming an evening or two a week. It's just a few hours,but a few hours alone really helps my sanity!

[KrissiK]

I stay up late. Dh hates it, but I'm sorry. I do my devotions or read or watch tv or something. That's the only time I can really relax without fear of some crisis to deal with. I need it. I also keep the kids out of the kitchen when I'm cooking. Everyone thinks that's horrible. How will they learn to cook? I don't ban them from the kitchen, cooking dinner is my "me" time and I need it.