Does this seem rude to you?

[Danestress]

Teenager is very hungry before dinner and snacks a good bit waiting for latish dinner to be served.

 

Teenager eats small but reasonable portions of dinner. There was plenty more for seconds of all dinner items (meat, sweet potatoes, kale).

 

While the Rest of the family is still eating, teenager sits down with chips and salsa and continues snacking on chips rather than taking seconds.

 

Would your answer for 'is this rude' change if the cook is his mother vs being a guest at some one else's home, assuming both seconds and chips were out in the counter.

[Slipper]

If chips were on the counter, my kids would believe that was an option.

 

I wouldn't consider it rude.

[jewellsmommy]

If it was my own child/teen who did this, I would remind him/her that they are welcome to more of the dinner if they are hungry and that there will be no more 'snacking'. If it was a guest, i might assume that 1.the teen comes from a home that doesn't do second helpings, 2. teen did not particularly care for the dinner but ate what was served anyway and was still hungry or 3. just preferred to snack. I don't think I would categorize it as rude, especially if the chips and salsa were out and available to be consumed.

[In the Rain]

Whether he does it to his mother or another cook, I would consider it rude. The only excuse I can think of would be if he thought the chips and salsa were still up for grabs. When we have dinner guests, and set out finger foods before hand, I usually move them to the table to be finished off. In that case, I wouldn't be surprised to see them finished off in place of more "dinner food".

[AK_Mom4]

Not Rude is my vote.

Choosing to not eat seconds of the main meal, but serving themselves from food that is out on the counter would be perfectly fine at this house.

Maybe the kiddo just wasn't very fond of the main dishes, but ate enough to be polite?

 

Would not be considered rude here from either my own teen or a guest.

[Rosie_0801]

Eating snack foods instead of taking seconds would offend my food gene, that's for sure.

[Catwoman]

I guess it would depend on what he said when you told him to put away the chips and salsa. ;)

 

I'm wondering, though, are the chips and salsa usually out on the counter at dinnertime? Does your ds know that snacks aren't for dinner? I'm assuming he does, in which case I think he was out of line in having snack foods instead of dinner food at the dinner table. I would think it was rude if my ds did it without asking first.

[bolt.]

It matters that the snacks were out and the teen seemed welcome to them. One serving if dinner was enough. The snacks were just a salty dessert.

 

Also, chips might be cheaper than seconds, and (if a guest) s/he might have house rules against eating more than one's fair share of a supper & intentional leftovers meal.

[Kathryn]

Not Rude is my vote.

Choosing to not eat seconds of the main meal, but serving themselves from food that is out on the counter would be perfectly fine at this house.

Maybe the kiddo just wasn't very fond of the main dishes, but ate enough to be polite?

 

Would not be considered rude here from either my own teen or a guest.

 

This is my vote.

 

Though I have young impressionable/jealous children and DS7 isn't allowed to eat anything else until DS3 is done because otherwise DS3 won't want to finish his dinner.

[QueenCat]

Not rude to me. If the chips and salsa were in the pantry, and the boy was a guest, I'd find it odd. I don't find that any different than grabbing some after dinner ice cream.

[Dandelion]

If this happened in the teen's home, I would not consider it rude. He ate one helping of dinner foods, and the chips and salsa were left out on the counter along with the other foods. My kids would assume the chips were fair game in that scenario.

 

If this happened in someone else's home, I might consider it rude - or not. Did the teen sit back down at the dinner table with the chips and salsa, or did he excuse himself from the table and eat them somewhere else? As a guest, sitting back down at the table with foods that weren't offered as part of dinner and that no one else is eating seems rude. However, finishing your dinner and then snacking on a few chips at the counter where they're sitting out seems ok IMO.

[happymomofboys]

I teach my kids not to take food that hasn't been offered, so if it were my child I would tell them it was rude. I consider after dinner snacking to be a treat to be reserved for when everyone has finished their meal. If it was someone else's child, I'd ignore it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wouldn't call it rude at home. I would call it rude at someone else's house just because something on a counter does not equal it being served. I would call it bad health because the nutrition you get from chips is not the same as what you get from a balanced meal.

[Jayne J]

Honestly, I'd think he *was* having seconds, if the chips and salsa were out on the counter with the rest of the food. If it is not part of the meal it why is it there with the other leftovers? Definitely not rude in my book, unless he went and got the items from elsewhere.

[Danestress]

You all bring up good points. So ok. Not a guest. My own child. When I say the chips were "out" they weren't actually out. Try were on the fridge, where I keep them. I not a huge manager of what my kids eat, and snacking is unsupervised most of the time. But this just seemed a bit much to me, sitting down and eating them again like it was preferred to the dinner I had just cooked. Which it was, of course. No major big deal, but I wondered if I was alone in thinking it was kind of rude, because he just didn't see it.

[Pegasus]

This would not seem rude to me unless he/she wasn't willing to share the chips and salsa. Yum!

[Jayne J]

Ok, so now, yes I think it was rude. I thought the chips were there with the rest of the dinner food. If he purposely went and got them down from elsewhere, then we'd be having a discussion.

[happymomofboys]

You all bring up good points. So ok. Not a guest. My own child. When I say the chips were "out" they weren't actually out. Try were on the fridge, where I keep them. I not a huge manager of what my kids eat, and snacking is unsupervised most of the time. But this just seemed a but much to me, sitting down and eating them again like it was preferred to the dinner I had just cooked. Which it was, of course. No major big deal, but I wondered if I was alone in thinking it was kind of rude, because he just didn't see it.

 

I think if you don't manage their snacking normally, it's reasonable that he wouldn't see it as rude. A lot of what is rude or not is cultural and if the culture in your home doesn't include asking permission for food or waiting to be served, then it's probably not rude to serve oneself without permission. KWIM?

 

I grew up in a home where food wasn't scarce but was certainly rationed. Making sure there was enough for everyone was a big deal. That is the culture I was raised in and it's the culture that I continue to have in my home. Others may have unlimited resources for food and not feel there's anything wrong with a teenager serving himself whatever he wants whenever he wants. It really depends on how you normally do things in your home.

[Excelsior! Academy]

I'd think it was rude.

[Danestress]

 

 

. It really depends on how you normally do things in your home.

 

True I guess. I have never had one of my kids do something like this, so I guess I dont koiw what seems normal. I told him I thought it would seem rude to most people, but now I wonder. Normally no one gets up from the table to eat dessert until we are all finished and ready. Meals are sort of special for us. But I can see this as just a salty dessert, apart from the timing, and having told him it would be rude to most people, I now wonder if maybe I am incorrect.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It would be rude if he did it at my house.

[bolt.]

If snacks weren't tastier than other foods, they wouldn't sell very well, would they? If the 'sting' of this is that you discovered that teenagers prefer chips over home cooking -- I don't think that's too harsh.

 

I think, "Have one serving, then have what you like." Is a pretty good rule, but perhaps you could do a little teaching around what might seem like a polite pause to let a cook feel like they satisfied you (even if its not entirely accurate) as well as the advisability of seeking nutrients to sate hunger, which is a signal of nutrient needs, not just using taste as the primary criteria for food choices.

[GSOchristie]

My kids aren't allowed anything else until they eat their dinner. This has happened five times in all of their lives combined :). I would say it was not rude because he ate his dinner. If I thought it would work, I would OFFER my kids chips as incentive for eating their dinner ;).

[Mandylubug]

If he ate his portion of dinner and didn't waste it, i don't see it as rude. Especially if he is typically allowed to snack on those items. Just doesn't seem worth a battle in my opinion!

[hmvaughan4]

My boys are young, but if they ask for a snack immediately after dinner, they are told no. If they want a snack, they should have asked for more dinner (healthy choices) instead of a snack (they usually want cereal or something not as healthy as their dinner).

[Joker]

In my own home, I would say not rude. There are some meals I serve that I know one or both dds don't really like. I know they will eat a bit of it and then get something else. It doesn't bother me for them to do that here, but they know not to do it at someone else's home. At someone else's home they would eat a small bit of dinner and then wait until snacks or dessert were offered.

[PachiSusan]

Well...rude or not, your post just MADE me go to the cupboard, get my Tostitos scoops and salsa and I'm chowing down before dinner!! LOL

[PrairieSong]

I admit to not reading all the replies, but to me it would depend upon what the guidelines for meals and snacking are in your home. If this is unacceptable behavior in your family and your teen knows it, then I would be more likely to say it is rude. If the issue has not been clearly addressed, then maybe it needs to be. Your house. Your rules.

 

My boys do eat snacks before meals if they are very hungry. They still eat meals. Sometimes chips are part of a meal, like tortilla chips with Mexican food, but otherwise chips are usually in the cupboard.

 

 

[Greenmama2]

Eating snack foods instead of taking seconds would offend my food gene, that's for sure.

 

Well usually I would feel like this, but it sounds as though the snack foods were still out & available? In which case I guess they were a valid option. I don't think it matters who the cook was - if the snacks weren't an option that should have been made clear with by putting them away or verbally stating that seconds was the option if one was still hungry.

[PrairieSong]

Well...rude or not, your post just MADE me go to the cupboard, get my Tostitos scoops and salsa and I'm chowing down before dinner!! LOL

 

 

It reminded me that my kids finished up all the Pioneer Woman salsa that I made. Boo.

[Greenmama2]

You all bring up good points. So ok. Not a guest. My own child. When I say the chips were "out" they weren't actually out. Try were on the fridge, where I keep them. I not a huge manager of what my kids eat, and snacking is unsupervised most of the time. But this just seemed a bit much to me, sitting down and eating them again like it was preferred to the dinner I had just cooked. Which it was, of course. No major big deal, but I wondered if I was alone in thinking it was kind of rude, because he just didn't see it.

 

Ah, more information. Yes, rude. If it was my child I would tell them so. I probably wouldn't be bothered enough to be annoyed, but I would let them know that it was rude. In future I might ask them to say something like; "I really don't feel like more of x dinner, but I'm still hungry. Would you mind if I had some more z snacks?".

[Ellie]

Teenager is very hungry before dinner and snacks a good bit waiting for latish dinner to be served.

 

Teenager eats small but reasonable portions of dinner. There was plenty more for seconds of all dinner items (meat, sweet potatoes, kale).

 

While the Rest of the family is still eating, teenager sits down with chips and salsa and continues snacking on chips rather than taking seconds.

 

Would your answer for 'is this rude' change if the cook is his mother vs being a guest at some one else's home, assuming both seconds and chips were out in the counter.

 

 

Heck yeah.

 

If the cook is his mother, it's an opportunity for instruction in manners, so that God forbid he should ever do such a thing at someone else's house. That the chips were out on the counter is irrelevant to his snacking on chips during a meal.

 

ETA: I just asked Mr. Ellie, and he agreed: rude.

[Ellie]

Well usually I would feel like this, but it sounds as though the snack foods were still out & available? In which case I guess they were a valid option. I don't think it matters who the cook was - if the snacks weren't an option that should have been made clear with by putting them away or verbally stating that seconds was the option if one was still hungry.

 

 

If the chips were not served on the actual dining room/kitchen table, then they were not an option. The cook/hostess should not have to remove all signs of other edibles in close proximity to indicate that it's the food on the table that is expected to be eaten.

[Danestress]

 

Well usually I would feel like this, but it sounds as though the snack foods were still out & available? In which case I guess they were a valid option. I don't think it matters who the cook was - if the snacks weren't an option that should have been made clear with by putting them away or verbally stating that seconds was the option if one was still hungry.

 

 

I was trying not to resort to "X is the rule" on the board because I want my boys to start to develop an instinct of their own for what is likely to seem polite in other homes - when they are adults and beyond my own arbitrary rules. That is why I was asking what others actually think seems polite or rude to them personally.

 

I did think it was rude and said so and said I think most others would find it rude, but now I don't know. I will tell him the board was split! It wasnt about breaking a rule, though. We haven't really needed a rule about this in the past, and making rules is easy, but teaching social graces isn't as clear cut sometimes.

[NotSoObvious]

Well, hopefully he'd have the good sense not to get up from the table and find snacks if he was a guest in someone's home!

[J-rap]

Well I guess it depends on what your food rules are! At our home, we only eat what's on the table (or the leftovers still warming on the stove). However, if a child (or teen) wanted something else, they would ask "Do you mind if I make myself a peanut butter sandwich instead" or something like that. And then, I'd most likely say yes. That's how we do it here, anyway. :)

[Ellie]

Well I guess it depends on what your food rules are! At our home, we only eat what's on the table (or the leftovers still warming on the stove). However, if a child (or teen) wanted something else, they would ask "Do you mind if I make myself a peanut butter sandwich instead" or something like that. And then, I'd most likely say yes. That's how we do it here, anyway. :)

 

:iagree:

 

...although in our house, people eat what is served (and the chef tries to make sure she doesn't prepare food that would cause diners to want to make PBJ for themselves instead, lol).

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't have an opinion on whether it is "rude." That is a little outside of what I would think about it. I *would* think it was a bad idea. I have a teen who sometimes tries things like this, and I tell her, "if you are still hungry, then you should eat some more dinner." She usually does. Sometimes, she will wait until later for a snack.

[TXBeth]

I think as a guest in someone else's home it would be extremely rude to help yourself to any food that wasn't obviously intended to be served. If the chips had been served as appetizers and were still out "on the counter" because of that, I think it would be fine to help yourself during dinner. If, however, the chips were "on the counter" because that is where they are stored (i.e. they had not been served), it would not be acceptable to open them and bring them to the table to eat.

I think some of the differing opinions hinge on the "on the counter" phrase. Some people serve dinner from the counter, so they are assuming that chips being on the counter means they were with the other dishes that had been served. To those people, helping yourself to chips would be just like going back for seconds of any other part of the dinner. Others who place serving dishes on the table think that "on the counter" means put away, not served, not intended to be part of dinner.

Since the chips were actually on the fridge in their storage place, I vote rude. But I think it wouldn't be rude (as a member of the family, not a guest) to ASK "mom, I'm still a little hungry but don't really feel like more dinner. Do you mind if I grab some chips?"

[I.Dup.]

Didn't read all of the replies.

 

If he got up from the table, went to get chips and salsa, and sat down and began eating them then yes, I would find that very rude. If they were already on the table as part of the dinner spread, then no, that wouldn't be rude.

[TXBeth]

You know, maybe he didnt love the meal. This may hurt mom's ego but its not a crime.

 

The kid is not 4. He is a teen. He is more than entitled to eat a snack after a reasonable dinner which he ate politely, IMO

 

Yes, but IMO there is a difference between grabbing a snack when dinner is over and the table is cleared, and bringing your snack back to the table where other people are still eating dinner. The first is fine, but the second is awkward at best, and outright rude at worst.

[Danestress]

Didn't read all of the replies.

 

If he got up from the table, went to get chips and salsa, and sat down and began eating them then yes, I would find that very rude. If they were already on the table as part of the dinner spread, then no, that wouldn't be rude.

 

Sorry guys - I probably wasn't clear and part of it is because I was trying to compare the rudeness in two circumstances - as a member if a family vs guest. So I said the chips were out, to show the guest wasn't rummaging.

 

In reality, the Chips were on the fridge. Teen had gotten into them before dinner (as had his dad) and put them away. I had grumbled that it was too close to dinner. So after dinner he got them back out. But I didn't want to dwell in that because I typically don't act as the gatekeeper of all food. My kids don't ask before snacking.

 

Somehow getting them down and bringing them to the table seemed rude. But but not as rude as if a guest did that, so to even up the comparison, I inferred the chips were out.

 

Anyway, I think I have my answer, and the answer may be that I should rely more on rules and less on appealing to a kid's sense of propriety, lol. Truly it wasn't a big conflict or anything.

[gardenmom5]

rude

 

eta: I missed the chips/salsa AND seconds were both on the counter. (I assume the same counter where other food for dinner was?) in that case, it would be assumed the chips were open season. If they'd been put away, and he actually got them out, I'd consider it inappropriate.

[Truscifi]

Not necessarily rude, but not appropriate timing. Ds9 will sometimes choose to have a snack of something else after dinner rather than seconds if he was not especially fond of the meal. But he does it *after* everyone is done.

[happymomofboys]

You know, maybe he didnt love the meal. This may hurt mom's ego but its not a crime.

 

The kid is not 4. He is a teen. He is more than entitled to eat a snack after a reasonable dinner which he ate politely, IMO

 

No, not in my house. Children, even teens, are entitled to be fed and he was. If he wants to eat something else that he didn't pay for he's not entitled to that. It may be true that it wasn't rude because his family doesn't normally ration snacks, but that doesn't mean he's entitled to eat a snack after dinner. Eating food that isn't necessary for health is a privilege and a luxury, not an entitlement, IMO.

[Catwoman]

You're his mom, and if you think his behavior was rude, it was rude.

[Mom2TheTeam]

Rude.

 

If he'd eaten dinner and an hour or so later realized he was still hungry and got them, I'd not feel it was rude. But, eating one serving and getting up before everyone was done to eat more snacks...totally rude and not cool.

 

As a guest, I think it would be super rude if you were at a sit down meal and one of the guests got up and went into the kitchen and got a snacky item that was for before dinner that just happened to be still sitting on the counter. On the other hand, if it was on the table or with the rest of the dinner food, it would be up for grabs.

 

Bad grammar, but you get the idea. ;)

[Lilaclady]

I wouldn't say it was rude because it seems to be behavior that have been done before. For me, my kids are still small but they know that no snacking right before dinner, unless they were so hungry and dinner was so late. Also they cant pick another snack unless all of dinner was finished. sometimes after about 1hr after dinner, they might have a sandwich but it is rare since they head to bed pretty soon after dinner.

[Laura Corin]

If it was all out on the counter together, it would not seem rude to me. If I didn't want it to happen, I would put away the snacks before dinner.

 

Laura

[Melissa in Australia]

would seem rude to me. If he started snacking an hour later than no problem. though t chips are so expensive here that they are seldom in the house and when they are they are severely rationed.