Another "is your partner still attracted to you" thread...

[4kidlets4me]

My DH loves me for me not necessarily what I look like. We met when we were both 19 and neither one of us looks like we did then. Although I will admit he looks better with age and I really don't. He has never been critical of me no matter what I weigh, he claims not to see the small wrinkles that look huge to me. I'm sure he will love me just as much when we are 90 as he did when he married me.

[goldberry]

A little enthusiasm goes a lot farther than just having any body type.

 

 

Amen, sister! I think that's a huge part of it. Men are into women who are into THEM.

 

I truly believe that quality actually affects their vision! Because I know DH sure isn't seeing the same things I'm seeing when I look in the mirror! For me, that enthusiam doesn't always or even mostly come naturally. But a little effort results in a big payoff. This may sound simplistic, but I think for most men it really doesn't take that much.

[LucyStoner]

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

 

 

OF COURSE! Great sex is possible if one or both partners are not plastic looking. I think most men prefer actually having sex to watching someone else have it on a screen.

 

My husband is as visual as any other man, but he's never been into the p*rn star look. Ever. He's more into real life and actually being with a partner than watching other people on a screen and he is more visually turned on by vintage early photography erotica where the women all have curves that would get them labelled fat today than by porn mags/videos. (And don't anyone tell me he is into porn and is just hiding it in the basement. We have no basement and it's truly not his cuppa. If he were into it, he wouldn't need to hide it from me. All men do not have an interest in conventional pornography.)

[Isabella]

Even though I am 60kg (yes, I wrote it right!) heavier than when we were married, my husband thinks I'm hot, hot! He always encourages me when I diet, but tells me he doesn't care what I weigh, only wants me to feel good and healthy. Of course I don't at this weight, and constantly am trying to get it off (the weight!), but he is not at all a motivating factor! I think I'm more secure in myself now than when I was young, so that helps, too.

[Joyofsixreboot]

DH never says one way or the other but he is a frequent tEa drinker so it must work for him. He still works for me.

[6packofun]

 

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

 

I think my dh still considers me attractive because I still desire him and show it. Now, yes, this is sort of a self-centered man thing, BUT there is something sexy about being confident and using what the Lord gave ya. LOL We wasted too many years--both of us--by being self-conscious about our looks. We're both finally losing weight at 40 and 41 and know that when we "arrive" it will be a very different picture from the years ago when we were young and fit. But trying to be the best we can for ourselves and each other is so desirable in its own way!

[Hockey Mom]

My DH still thinks I'm the hottest woman in the world. And I have more than 50 lbs extra after 3 children.

But you know what? My husband isn't the most muscular man in the world and that doesn't change my attraction to him. He's there for me...always. That's what's sexy. He knows I'm always there for him (and part of "being there" is not letting TeA be infrequent due to my own hangups) and that's what makes me sexy to him.

 

 

This is us too.

 

What I love about my Dh is that he does not see what *I* see. I point to my thighs and complain, and he turns it around on me by getting frisky. ;)

[Guest]

Do you compliment him? I know that my dh loves to be complimented. The more I make him feel good about himself, the more it is returned to me. Sometimes it has to go both ways.

[sparrow]

OF COURSE! Great sex is possible if one or both partners are not plastic looking. I think most men prefer actually having sex to watching someone else have it on a screen.

 

My husband is as visual as any other man, but he's never been into the p*rn star look. Ever. He's more into real life and actually being with a partner than watching other people on a screen and he is more visually turned on by vintage early photography erotica where the women all have curves that would get them labelled fat today than by porn mags/videos. (And don't anyone tell me he is into porn and is just hiding it in the basement. We have no basement and it's truly not his cuppa. If he were into it, he wouldn't need to hide it from me. All men do not have an interest in conventional pornography.)

 

:iagree: This is my dh exactly. We've been married for nearly 20 years and I remember years ago thinking something was wrong because dh had no interest in my buying lingerie. I thought *every* guy liked it. Not so. Dh's favorite thing in the world is to find me wearing nothing under the covers, instead of sweats and a tee ;) He's happy with the curves that come along with aging...though I'm not :glare: .

[Melissa in Australia]

 

:iagree: This is my dh exactly. We've been married for nearly 20 years and I remember years ago thinking something was wrong because dh had no interest in my buying lingerie. I thought *every* guy liked it. Not so. Dh's favorite thing in the world is to find me wearing nothing under the covers, instead of sweats and a tee ;) He's happy with the curves that come along with aging...though I'm not :glare: .

 

I have no idea what DH's opinon of the matter is, But I love doing that trick as well

[Joker]

Well...My dh seems to think I'm at my most attractive when I'm hot, sweaty, and standing over a stove. :huh: So, no matter how much my body has changed, which is a lot, the fact that I cook most days has not changed. I know he loves me and finds me attractive, and I know it has very little to do with how I look.

[mamatohaleybug]

 

 

Yes, yes, it is possible. It's awesome even. It's better every year. Seriously, I was pretty awesome looking back when we married, and sex now is a gazillion times better now than it was then.

 

It's not about the bodies, it's about the people. It's not about the bodies, it's about the people.

 

I agree completely! 18 years of marriage, much less beautiful bodies than in the beginning, s-x is better than ever and gets better all the time. The attraction is to the whole package, not just a body. Take heart!! :)

[Audrey]

Do you compliment him? I know that my dh loves to be complimented. The more I make him feel good about himself, the more it is returned to me. Sometimes it has to go both ways.

 

 

That is a good point.

 

On a similar note -- when I am overly critical of myself and complaining about my fat butt, or the big scar on my hip, or my sagging breasts, THAT becomes a turn-off to my dh. I have come to find out that men, in general, are turned off by a woman who is frequently whinging, complaining and (in their minds) dishing out undeserved constant criticism on themselves. Confidence is sexy. Even if one doesn't feel it, one can try to at least stop vocally criticizing oneself or pointing out one's every perceived flaw.

[Retired]

My dh and I have been together for 27 years total. I was 17 when we started our relationship and now at 43 my body is wayyy different LOL. He and I both workout and try to keep attractive and healthy. I've gone through some years that I put on pounds but his desire attraction has stayed the same. I wasn't very in the mood cause I felt fat and ugly during my overweight years but he still couldn't keep his hand off me.

 

One of the post said something about their guys a butt man and she doesn't think its up to stuff. I tell you as someone with a butt guy they don't care. My guy doesn't see what I see wrong with it LOL. He tells me my butt got his attention and no matter its got larger and some celluite he still ask me to turn around and walk away just so he can see my butt LOL

 

I don't get it I ask him all the time whats so great about it.

 

Oh and I do lingerie sometimes but I can look like crap and he is all ready. I mean today he comes in from work all frisky. I've been working in the yard with dirt all over me. I have a farmers sun burn and probabily not smelling to good but he is all about heading to the bedroom :001_rolleyes:

[Juniper]

I think a lot of us have forgotten the art of seduction. It is fun.

 

That sounds blunt on my phone.

 

Suffice it to say I got frustrated waiting for dh to become the lover I wanted and had. To approach things differently.

[PachiSusan]

My husband married me at "not perfect", so there's never been an issue in 16 years. We're the same as we were on our honeymoon. :)

[Catwoman]

I have to say that it makes me sad to see that so many people find themselves to be so unattractive. :(

 

I'll bet if the rest of us saw you, we wouldn't feel that way about you at all.

 

I know that when I'm feeling great, I look in the mirror and like what I see, but on days when everything seems to be going wrong, I can look in that same mirror and see nothing but flaws. I think so much of what we see in the mirror is completely inaccurate, and is colored by long-term insecurities or -- even worse -- husbands that act like other women are more attractive than they are, or who simply don't show an interest in them any more.

 

I am very lucky that my dh is still attracted to me -- and honestly, if he wasn't attracted to me and was always drooling over other women, we probably wouldn't be married any more.

[gardenmom5]

self-esteem comes from within - our husbands can't "give it to us". bodies change and age. I've started yoga (and I can feel the changes happening) - but I've had five children and my body has those scars. My dh is in his 60's. the most satisfactory element of a long term relationship is the emotional connection, because reality is, bodies change over time. the physical relationship is icing. icing won't make an otherwise dried out cake edible, but it will add zest to a great cake.

 

eta: being really insecure in our physical attractiveness can actually backfire and push our dh's away. It's not attractive to a man to be constantly asked "am I attractive?" dh has commented on the number of insecure women he knew as a single. women who are self-confident in themselves are more "attractive" to men. take charge of icing, so they want some.

[jeninok]

Well...My dh seems to think I'm at my most attractive when I'm hot, sweaty, and standing over a stove. :huh: So, no matter how much my body has changed, which is a lot, the fact that I cook most days has not changed. I know he loves me and finds me attractive, and I know it has very little to do with how I look.

 

 

Dh does the same when I am cooking.

But it goes both ways, yesterday he was wearing grubby old jeans, a T-shirt and work gloves while he drug wood and scrap lumber to the burn pile. It was fun to watch and he came in all dirty and smelling like a man. Swoon.

 

Don't even get me started on wood chopping.

[gardenmom5]

I have to say that it makes me sad to see that so many people find themselves to be so unattractive. :(

 

I'll bet if the rest of us saw you, we wouldn't feel that way about you at all.

 

I know that when I'm feeling great, I look in the mirror and like what I see, but on days when everything seems to be going wrong, I can look in that same mirror and see nothing but flaws. I think so much of what we see in the mirror is completely inaccurate, and is colored by long-term insecurities

 

 

I was reading an article today - audrey hepburn never understood why anyone thought she was beautiful. she only listed what she saw as "flaws". big nose, big feet, etc.

[sparrow]

Dh does the same when I am cooking.

But it goes both ways, yesterday he was wearing grubby old jeans, a T-shirt and work gloves while he drug wood and scrap lumber to the burn pile. It was fun to watch and he came in all dirty and smelling like a man. Swoon.

 

Don't even get me started on wood chopping.

 

 

I totally get this.

 

It was well into the second half of our marriage when I heard of "Love Languages". I am a classic "Acts of Service" girl :001_wub: .

[gardenmom5]

on the subject of men wanting to relive their youth by finding a more youthful female companion . . .

 

I saw a wonderful cartoon. man is watching his middle age-wife with all her lumps and commenting she didn't keep up her end of the bargain when they were married. she aged. she replies he's free to relive that youth with a hot young babe they started with. but that includes the crappy apartment, clunker car, the itty bitty screen, constantly being broke, etc. he then expresses his gratitude to her for putting things in perspective.

[AndyJoy]

My dh told me once (and it made me cry) that he loved every one of my stretch marks, because each one represented a child that he loves more than he could ever imagine was possible. (still get teary thinking of it.)

 

My DH said the same thing!

[LucyStoner]

Dh does the same when I am cooking.

But it goes both ways, yesterday he was wearing grubby old jeans, a T-shirt and work gloves while he drug wood and scrap lumber to the burn pile. It was fun to watch and he came in all dirty and smelling like a man. Swoon.

 

Don't even get me started on wood chopping.

 

 

Oh, totally. My husband is a bit of a hipster clothing choices wise. Very neat and sharp looking. He never looks bad in what he wears, but today he was instead dressed in grubby work jeans and an old raglan t-shirt so we could do some car work together. Sweeeeet! We tuned up more than one engine. :lol:

 

I also completely agree that men don't like insecurity and lack of confidence. If I trash myself, I am trashing him too, because he thinks I look great. I am way more confident in my body now than I was when I was 19 and unmarked by babies. When I was uncomfortable with my stretch marks even after they faded down to hardly visible, he was like "you got those bringing our sons to life, how could I possibly not like that?" How could I argue with that? Letting go of body image garbage has been extremely helpful for me and for our marriage.

[Catwoman]

Dh does the same when I am cooking.

But it goes both ways, yesterday he was wearing grubby old jeans, a T-shirt and work gloves while he drug wood and scrap lumber to the burn pile. It was fun to watch and he came in all dirty and smelling like a man. Swoon.

 

Don't even get me started on wood chopping.

 

You and your dh don't happen to live next door to nmoira, do you? :scared:

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/465704-some-things-you-cant-unsee/page__hl__%20wood%20%20splitting

 

 

;) ;) ;) ;)

[jeninok]

Dh actually has some stretch marks. They are small, but I find them endearing when I notice them.

 

Hell, DS is 11, he has stretch marks on his calves and hips from growing so fast.

 

We would never even think twice about the beauty of our partners and friends. Why do we insist on doing it to ourselves.

[jeninok]

 

 

You and your dh don't happen to live next door to nmoira, do you? :scared:

 

http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/465704-some-things-you-cant-unsee/page__hl__%20wood%20%20splitting

 

No! That thread had me rolling though!! I would have a total freak out if his bits and pieces were dangling around while he worked.

 

;) ;) ;) ;)

[I.Dup.]

Thank you all for sharing!

 

Yes, I do compliment him! And he will always return the compliment with "and you're beautiful" so I guess I should be happy with that! :) And no, I'm not always complaining about my looks, or asking him how I look, etc, etc. This is definitely my own inner thing to come to terms with. It's a good reminder to ACT more confident though :)

[T'smom]

 

 

My DH said the same thing!

 

 

I told my dh that someone on the board's dh said that they loved the stretch marks because they represented the children that he loved......he looked at me confused and said "you don't have any stretch marks" I just about died laughing! Men may just be completely oblivious.....I have a whole map of stretch marks!

[gardenmom5]

I think at 8 months pregnant every single women feels heavy and ugly. I know I did.

and will do anything to get it over with. (I think that's why we get so big - so we're willing to go through labor.)

dh has told me he has loved me most when I have been huge and pregnant and sick because I was willing to go through that to have our children.

[BakersDozen]

nm...way tmi. :)

[Melissa in Australia]

 

You and your dh don't happen to live next door to nmoira, do you? :scared:

 

http://forums.welltr...wood splitting

 

 

;) ;) ;) ;)

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Tammi K]

 

This is going to sound awful....but I guess I wonder, is good sex possible if the woman doesn't look p*rn star ready? From the man's perspective, if his wife is saggy, overweight, or whatever, can they still think the sex is amazing?

 

 

I just read your question to DH and he said, "Of course!" Then he added, "But that's hard for me to say because my wife is beautiful"

 

:lol: Yeah, that's funny. I was considered overweight at least 50 pounds ago.

[Laura Corin]

Yup.

 

Remember - he's getting older too.

 

Laura

[WishboneDawn]

So what if a dh only says his wife is beautiful when he wants teA? This is something my dh did and we had a bit of a "discussion" about it. It offended me greatly and made his words mean little since they were spoken only because there was something in it for him.

 

?

 

You mean so what if a husband compliments you when he's feeling attracted to you and he wants to spend some intimate time with you?

[WishboneDawn]

This is kindof what I am wondering, although I admit to being overly sensitive. He is all over me with compliments when he's feeling in the mood but other than that, it's pretty quiet on the compliment front. lol

 

 

Do you compliment him all the time, whatever your mood?

 

I'm betting that you likely compliment him most when you're feeling especially close to him. That's what being "in the mood" is for a lot of husbands, a time when they're feeling especially close to their wives.

[WishboneDawn]

I just stopped questioning why he thinks I'm sexy. My baggage is my baggage, not his. It's not fair to try to analyze or judge his feelings or motivations through that distorted lens.

 

 

Yes.

 

My husband very rarely says anything like, "you're beautiful " But he laughs with me, shares his day with me, hugs me, kisses me, has teA with me...We have our issues like anyone but I'm not in any doubt that he loves me. Words are nice but rather inconsequential beside the actions of everyday life.

 

I am a pretty great catch. I'm smart, good looking, and funny, produce cute children, bake a mean loaf of Nova Scotia brown bread and have big bOOks. What more could any sane man want? Yes, I sometimes indulge in the doubting but then I give myself a shake and get on with the work of marriage.

[I.Dup.]

 

Do you compliment him all the time, whatever your mood?

 

I'm betting that you likely compliment him most when you're feeling especially close to him. That's what being "in the mood" is for a lot of husbands, a time when they're feeling especially close to their wives.

 

Not when I'm mad at him, lol. But other than that, yes. At least once a day I will look at him and think he's really good looking. Most of the time when I think that, I will let him know.

 

But I see your point, and that makes sense. Guys aren't flowery-minded like we are, they tend to have more of a one-track mind I guess, so it would make sense that he would actually "notice" me when he's in the mood. :)

[aggieamy]

I'm an extremely confident person so I just assumed I looked as good as I did when I got married and then I saw a picture of myself at a picnic and realized ... I'M FAT. Whoa! I can't get pregnant so I don't have any reason to be overweight. (Except for a love of milk shakes I guess.) I was kind of sensitive about if for awhile and then one night when I was getting in bed and DH was getting in bed when I realized that he's looking a little different than the man I married. Little grayer, a few extra pounds, doesn't dress as nice as he used too. Do I love DH any less? Nope.

 

 

 

Yes, yes, it is possible. It's awesome even. It's better every year. Seriously, I was pretty awesome looking back when we married, and sex now is a gazillion times better now than it was then.

 

It's not about the bodies, it's about the people. It's not about the bodies, it's about the people.

 

Yep!

[Night Elf]

Thank you all for sharing!

 

Yes, I do compliment him! And he will always return the compliment with "and you're beautiful" so I guess I should be happy with that! :) And no, I'm not always complaining about my looks, or asking him how I look, etc, etc. This is definitely my own inner thing to come to terms with. It's a good reminder to ACT more confident though :)

 

Well, fwiw, my attitude has changed with age. I didn't like myself when I was having babies and gaining weight and then not losing it after birth. Now I'm 45 and my youngest is 15 and I just feel completely different. I'm now middle aged and I'm a healthy weight and I feel good about myself. I will never look like I did when I met DH. I have absolutely no desire to work that hard to get back to that look. I'm thankful my DH doesn't expect it of me either. I no longer trash myself because I've accepted that I'm just not as thin and firm. And I'm beautiful because I'm me. There is a lot more to me than my physical looks. I don't think I'd care to be married to someone hung up on physical looks. I wouldn't find that attractive and we'd be a hot mess.

[LazyDazy]

So what if a dh only says his wife is beautiful when he wants teA? This is something my dh did and we had a bit of a "discussion" about it. It offended me greatly and made his words mean little since they were spoken only because there was something in it for him.

 

That doesn't sound unusual to me at all. Could it be that he thinks it other times but, doesn't see the point in sharing unless it leads to something? If he is telling you that he finds you to be beautiful I would believe it, no matter when he shares it.

 

On a similar note -- when I am overly critical of myself and complaining about my fat butt, or the big scar on my hip, or my sagging breasts, THAT becomes a turn-off to my dh. I have come to find out that men, in general, are turned off by a woman who is frequently whinging, complaining and (in their minds) dishing out undeserved constant criticism on themselves. Confidence is sexy. Even if one doesn't feel it, one can try to at least stop vocally criticizing oneself or pointing out one's every perceived flaw.

 

I agree. I have had the experience of gaining a good deal of weight that bothered me tremendously. I was uncomfortable about it and down on myself for it only to find out that my dh didn't notice it until I pointed it out to him. He didn't notice the gradual change. I kept the weight on for a several years. Not until I had lost over half of what I gained did he wonder if my bOOks were getting smaller! The moral of my story is that what is glaringly obvious to a woman may not even be a blip on a man's radar.

[dbmamaz]

ok, dont have time to read the whole thing. i'm 47. 15 years ago, my first husband started having trouble performing and told me i was too fat to have sex with after I bore him 2 kids and gained 10 lb. He was full of it.

 

This husband is old and tired and depressed and is not interested as often as I would like, and rarely makes me feel like i'm something super-hot . . .but when we get around to it, he has no trouble performing. we love each other and we express that physically. i'm not a trophy, i'm not a piece of art. I'm a human being. We have made a life together and sex is just part of it.

 

if you think your only value is in being a sex symbol . . what kind of lesson does that teach your children about the value of women? You are a human being and your worth comes from many places. Being 'hot' is just a momentary extra in the long view.

[extendedforecast]

So what if a dh only says his wife is beautiful when he wants teA? This is something my dh did and we had a bit of a "discussion" about it. It offended me greatly and made his words mean little since they were spoken only because there was something in it for him.

 

I used to think that my DH was just saying it to get what he wanted and I'd call him out on it. Then he stopped saying it at all. One day I asked why (one of those "You never..." conversations) he stopped complimenting me. Did he not think I was attractive? He replied that he stopped saying it because he didn't want me to think he was manipulating me, that he really was attracted to me, but I didn't want to believe him. We decided that he would resume telling me those things and not just when he was in the mood. I wish I would have responded to him in the beginning with, "Thank you. I love receiving compliments from you. I would love it if you could let me know at other times of the day as well." It probably would have saved my self esteem some.

[J-rap]

My husband and I are both very attracted to each other still, after over 25 years. He is still as handsome as ever, despite all he has been through. We have been though a lot together, and our love runs very deep. I think what is on the inside is so overpowering though, that whatever is on the outside always looks good.

[I.Dup.]

The funny thing is that my Dad is super vain. My sister and I both struggle with body image issues in almost the same way our father does. He is very concerned with looks and married a drop-dead gorgeous woman (my mom). She has felt a lot of pressure over the years to keep herself looking a certain way, because of how concerned my dad is with looks. She dyes her hair very blonde and keeps herself on the thin side. However, as long as she is reasonably thin, she feels fine about her body. She has a ton of cellulite (thanks, mom) and a saggy belly pooch but those things don't register on my mom's radar at all (and I'm assuming my dad's). She'll walk around in her bra and underwear, not self conscious at all.

 

However, now with the media every lump and bump is analyzed and erased. Women today are under a lot more pressure. It's not only being within a certain weight range, as it is for my parents. Now we (myself, and many friends I know) feel the pressure to not have any lump or bump out of place.

[gardenmom5]

You know, I just don't understand the vanity- how does one have time? I exercise for my health and how it makes me feel. I do not feel a need to be a cover-model (who has photoshop on her side). I spend my time on things that matter most. My husband, my kids, my home, doing for others, etc. I exercise as I it increases my energy (and my health) and I'm able to do more of those things with my time I believe matter.

[fairfarmhand]

You know, I just don't understand the vanity- how does one have time? I exercise for my health and how it makes me feel. I do not feel a need to be a cover-model (who has photoshop on her side). I spend my time on things that matter most. My husband, my kids, my home, doing for others, etc. I exercise as I it increases my energy (and my health) and I'm able to do more of those things with my time I believe matter.

 

I kind of feel the same way. I don't have the energy to fret over every cell of fat on my thighs. I choose clothes that flatter my thirty something body and try to stay as cute as I can.

[Scarlett]

I was married to one of those men overly concerned with physical beauty. It was all fine and good when I was young and beautiful and he could feel he had the most beautiful wife. *I* didn't see our relationship that way....but one day it hit me that he really did marry me for my looks. I was very annoyed, irritated, disgusted by that...because hey, even after I was no longer 20 I still felt fine about my relative self and for him to continue comparing me to 20 year olds make me sick..especially when HE wasn't 20 either! He told me that all men felt like him...but he is wrong. I see it every day on this board, that men are loving their wives after 20, 30, 40 plus years of marriage. And my dh now is 2 years younger than me and very attractive....he thinks I am beautiful and I can tell the difference between how he treats me and how my first husband did. He tells me I am beautiful several times every.single. day. And I honestly believe he will be telling me that when we are 90.

 

That doesn't mean he doesn't have preferences about my appearances...he likes my hair long and he prefers me not to be overweight....but that to me falls in the reasonable camp.

 

I've been thinking about this thread all day as I spent time with friends in volunteer work. It makes me incredibly sad to hear some of you say no one has EVER said you are pretty. I do not have one single friend that I think is 'not pretty'. So my vow to myself today was to start saying it to my friends. I told a young friend, age 25 today, that she is beautiful. She could barely speak from being so flustered.

[Audrey]

So my vow to myself today was to start saying it to my friends. I told a young friend, age 25 today, that she is beautiful. She could barely speak from being so flustered.

 

 

That is a wonderful gift you are giving. So many women never hear that. Too many.

[albeto]

Women today are under a lot more pressure.

 

 

Yep.

 

Aaaaand....

 

Women today are a lot more free.

 

I don't recall if you have teens, but the "hipster" is where it's all at. It includes being proud of who/what you are even when (especially when) it goes against the mainstream, being a free-wheeling, independent thinker, creative, intellectual, witty, humorous, responsible member of the community. Maybe we have computer geeks and Silicone Valley to thank for that. Eventually nerds became cool, someone like Bill Gates was a household name, and Brad Pitt is known more for his acting and activism than his eyes and abs. Looks are a commodity in some areas, but not all, and the ones where it counts, everyone knows it as one variable. People are more comfortable being comfortable, and noble, and virtuous, and good than they are vain. And if they're not, any one of us can (and could and should) set the trend in our own communities. People like that leave a fantastic legacy, remembered and valued far more than anyone remembers looks alone.