Parrothead Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 It is time for him to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Some answers to questions is there has never been a problem with him and her, they have always had a good relationship which is why I am floored, she has always been a happy child and her mood suddenly changed which alerted to me this. On the other hand their has always been tension between him and my oldest son, it got so bad at one point that he hit him(not spanked) and the next day I loaded up my van and drove 12 hours to my moms house. We were broken up for about 4 months and he swore that he changed and that he loved the kids and I and that he wanted us to be a family so he moved to where I was and things were good for a good 6 months, and now he has started cussing at the kids but hasn't put his hands on them outside of discipline. A few months ago I noticed that the tension between him and my son had started again so I asked my son what was going on and he said that daddy just yelled at him a lot so I got to the point where I wouldn't leave him alone with him, everytime I have to go somewhere I take my oldest with me. (btw he is 10) So now out of nowhere he has started lashing out on my daughter and this incident happeded the last time that I left the house. He has never been abusive to me in anyway, we hardly ever fight and he goes out of his way to make sure that I am happy. He treats the 2 boys we have together totally different. I know in my heart that I need to get my kids out of this situation because he is acting the same way he was when I left him the first time. I'm worried about you and the kids. A person who has a history of over-expression of anger towards kids does not get better with 4 months of apart. They get better with help, intervention, treatment. The fear expressed by your DD seems more than the fear that would emerge from being called a bitch. Also, your dd not knowing, at 7, that he is not her bio Dad is not a good decision, and potentially very bad. The italics are incongruent in content. It's not possible he treats his bio kids totally different but you hardly fight and he goes out of his way to make you happy and is not abusive to you in any way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Mom24cuties, my biggest concern right now is for you, and here's why: In your original post, you basically described your fiance as a really good father who got angry and called your daughter a bad name. But then you explained further and, quite frankly, your fiance started to sound pretty scary. I think he is manipulating you by treating you well, and then becoming a different person when he is alone with your children. It is alarming to me that you may not realize just how completely inappropriate and abusive he has been in the past, as well as right now. I'm not trying to be harsh -- it can be very difficult to see the red flags when you're right in the middle of a long term situation. Abusive behavior can sneak up on you gradually, and some people are really good at getting you to forgive them and believe that they will change -- and they do change, for a while, until you let your guard down again. You need to get yourself and your kids out of the situation and definitely get some counseling, because you need to understand this pattern of abuse so you can end it, and also so it doesn't happen with the next guy. Ordinarily, I would advise you to stay a while and get your financial ducks in a row before you leave, but not this time. Get out. NOW. I'm still not entirely convinced that there isn't more to the story with your dd -- she wouldn't even say the word "b*tch" out loud, so I wouldn't be at all surprised if she would be too embarrassed or ashamed to discuss any other kind of abuse with you. Call your mom and see if you and the kids can stay with her while you figure out what you're going to do next. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Stay strong. You'll get through it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Buckin' Longhorn Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I'm really sorry you're going through this. I would work on an exit plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Please, get out now. The warning signs of future danger are there. Please. Go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 All abusive people I have known make a show of being, "great" for some people, some of the time. The trouble is that they see it as perfectly reasonable to "vent" on someone when they are unhappy. I do believe he is good to you and good to the younger kids, but feels it is fine to vent on the older kids when you are not around. This WILL escalate to more than rudeness and name calling, even if it is more nasty verb-age. Please leave him, and please find a good support group to help you through this time. It will be very hard to leave him, but he is not a person than can be trusted. He knows how to work around you, he is doing it. I am sooo sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Well my dad called my sister and me a lot worse than that. My mother never left him or even acknowledged what was going on. If she had just intervened for us, or acknowledged it to us, it would have gone a long way. I only read about half the replies but could you discuss this with him, feel him out, even consider seeing a counselor? You could give it one chance with intervention and if he can't improve then make your decision. But like I said, if my mom had made even a modest effort to heal things, and protect us, or even just acknowledge them it would have meant a lot. She is still in denial to this day over 99% of what we went through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Well my dad called my sister and me a lot worse than that. My mother never left him or even acknowledged what was going on. If she had just intervened for us, or acknowledged it to us, it would have gone a long way. I only read about half the replies but could you discuss this with him, feel him out, even consider seeing a counselor? You could give it one chance with intervention and if he can't improve then make your decision. But like I said, if my mom had made even a modest effort to heal things, and protect us, or even just acknowledge them it would have meant a lot. She is still in denial to this day over 99% of what we went through. It's so sad that she didn't stand up for you. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Some answers to questions is there has never been a problem with him and her, they have always had a good relationship which is why I am floored, she has always been a happy child and her mood suddenly changed which alerted to me this. On the other hand their has always been tension between him and my oldest son, it got so bad at one point that he hit him(not spanked) and the next day I loaded up my van and drove 12 hours to my moms house. We were broken up for about 4 months and he swore that he changed and that he loved the kids and I and that he wanted us to be a family so he moved to where I was and things were good for a good 6 months, and now he has started cussing at the kids but hasn't put his hands on them outside of discipline. A few months ago I noticed that the tension between him and my son had started again so I asked my son what was going on and he said that daddy just yelled at him a lot so I got to the point where I wouldn't leave him alone with him, every time I have to go somewhere I take my oldest with me. (btw he is 10) So now out of nowhere he has started lashing out on my daughter and this incident happened the last time that I left the house. He has never been abusive to me in anyway, we hardly ever fight and he goes out of his way to make sure that I am happy. He treats the 2 boys we have together totally different. I know in my heart that I need to get my kids out of this situation because he is acting the same way he was when I left him the first time. Out. Get out now. Today. Shall I help you pack? Would you like all of us to come over and help you? Because I promise you, those of us who live close enough would be there in a heartbeat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Seriously? Out. But, you know, if you want your son to learn that it's okay to hit a kid, and for a man to call a woman a bitch? Maybe dd can luck out and find one just like him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 She said that he has not touched her in any unappropriate way, he just yells at her a lot when I am not there. He yells at her when you are not there, and you have overheard him being mean when he thinks you do not know. This is deeply unhealthy. I strongly advise you to seek a professional counselor asap. On a message board it's hard to know what's what from just short posts. There are red flags here that require intervention and a deeper, more intensive look. You will second-guess yourself on this endlessly. You are at risk for a cycle of leaving and returning and leaving and returning, especially since you have biological children together. Please, please find a therapist who can help you sort through this. In the meantime, your children do not feel safe alone with him. Do not leave them alone with him, ever, until such time as those safety issues (and mean-ness issues) have been addressed. This will take time, and I believe it requires the intervention of a therapist. Please, please seek a therapist. Edited to add: I read Joanne's post and agree with every word. Get out first, get a therapist, and do what it takes for your children to be safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dtsmamtj Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 "please protect me" - this is what I always wanted from my mom no matter the cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Some answers to questions is there has never been a problem with him and her, they have always had a good relationship which is why I am floored, she has always been a happy child and her mood suddenly changed which alerted to me this. On the other hand their has always been tension between him and my oldest son, it got so bad at one point that he hit him(not spanked) and the next day I loaded up my van and drove 12 hours to my moms house. We were broken up for about 4 months and he swore that he changed and that he loved the kids and I and that he wanted us to be a family so he moved to where I was and things were good for a good 6 months, and now he has started cussing at the kids but hasn't put his hands on them outside of discipline. A few months ago I noticed that the tension between him and my son had started again so I asked my son what was going on and he said that daddy just yelled at him a lot so I got to the point where I wouldn't leave him alone with him, everytime I have to go somewhere I take my oldest with me. (btw he is 10) So now out of nowhere he has started lashing out on my daughter and this incident happeded the last time that I left the house. He has never been abusive to me in anyway, we hardly ever fight and he goes out of his way to make sure that I am happy. He treats the 2 boys we have together totally different. I know in my heart that I need to get my kids out of this situation because he is acting the same way he was when I left him the first time. Get out. Now. Your children are in an abusive situation. It is your responsibility as their mother to keep them safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 She's 7 yrs old, and he thinks it's okay to call her that? What will happen when she's older? My bio dad treated me this way and worse the entire time I was growing up. My mother told me to ignore it (and then added in her own brand of crazy). I no longer have a thing to do with either of my parents. What your fiance has done is not okay, and your daughter and son deserve to know that it's not behavior to be tolerated for any reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Bye, bye. This picture looks familiar to me, I'm sorry to say. I'm guessing you know that, since you haven't married him yet. Do not make any more babies. Protect the ones you already made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 This means that deep inside he is not a nice, kind, or loving guy. It means that he is a jerk who is really good at hiding it when he wants to. Get out and thank God every day that you made it. Tell your son and daughter that you love them and are so proud of them for telling the truth about what he was doing. Then get them some professional help. :iagree: The two faced aspect of his behavior is especially scary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 She said that he has not touched her in any unappropriate way, he just yells at her a lot when I am not there. And if you stay with him and she grows up with this man, the "just" yelling can cause this child to turn into a woman who believes she's all the horrible things he calls her when he's yelling. In other words, don't be surprised when she starts to believe she's worthless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 This man is very very dangerous. A man who flies off the handle from time to time "has a temper" and says things he doesnt mean -- that's one thing: an average problem and calls for strong help. What you have is entirely different: A man who calculates when and how he can get away with intentional verbal abuse of children is a snake, and not worth the sidewalk he stands on. He says the things he DOES mean -- he just waits for the opportunities to do so. When she was younger she was too "little" for this, but now he's decided she deserves it. Imagine what he will think she deserves when she becomes a teenager and begins acting like a teenager. Think about that. This is not about her sex. Abuse doesn't need to be sexual to break her. Living in a house with a "daddy" who thinks she's a B and treats her like dirt is more than enough to break her. Really. It is. It needs to be over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 This man is very very dangerous. A man who flies off the handle from time to time "has a temper" and says things he doesnt mean -- that's one thing: an average problem and calls for strong help. What you have is entirely different: A man who calculates when and how he can get away with intentional verbal abuse of children is a snake, and not worth the sidewalk he stands on. He says the things he DOES mean -- he just waits for the opportunities to do so. That is such an important distinction to make -- he acts differently when he's alone with the kids than he does when Mom is around. I agree that his behavior (including being super-sweet to the OP) is incredibly calculated and manipulative. That's what makes him so scary to me, too. For all the OP knows, this guy is abusing the kids in other ways and has them too scared to tell her about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 His being nice to you is NOT a mark in his favor. In this context it appears that he is acting nicely towards the person in the relationship with the most power--you--while venting his wrath on the helpless ones in the relationship--your children. That is NOT okay, and you've already said that you know this to be true and that you know you need to leave. Follow your own excellent advice and get OUT. (hugs again) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 My first reaction to your title was "kick him to the curb". Since you have two children with him and he is your support, it makes it more complicated than that. I've got no advice, but I wouldn't allow my daughter to be treated like that. ETA: Having read the updates, I am reverting to my first inclination. Kick him to the curb. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 The italics are incongruent in content. It's not possible he treats his bio kids totally different but you hardly fight and he goes out of his way to make you happy and is not abusive to you in any way. I am honestly curious why this is impossible? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StartingOver Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I would sell my ^%$ on a street corner to ensure my children's safety. My parents divorced when I was 3, they never listened to me. Eventually I just stopped talking, there are so many scars. Most from my mother boyfriends, and my fathers best friend. Being called a B*&^$# was the least of my problems. This really scares me, those who attack seldom look like they are dangerous to those in their circle. Even if nothing else is going on, just the name calling and hollering when you are gone is ENOUGH ! Anyone that is different behind your back, isn't someone you trust with your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I am honestly curious why this is impossible? I'm not Joanne, but the way I see it is that by treating one set of her kids differently from the other set, he most certainly IS being abusive to her (and to the kids). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 :grouphug: Such a scary situation, OP. Sounds like you know what you need to do. Be strong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meena Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 If any adult in my life called my DD that, they would be out of my life *immediately*. Don't let the financial ramifications scare you away from doing the right thing. Don't make excuses for your fiance because he isn't your DD's bio dad. No adult should ever talk like that to a child. Ever. Any adult who does needs serious help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I'm agreeing with the others. My daughter was in a bad situation with a neighbor kid. It wasn't until the girl moved away that dd started to reveal the full extent of the situation. The same thing happened to my niece and some bullies at school. It wasn't until she was in another school and safe that she started to tell my sis the whole story. Sis was floored and distraught. We both said "If only we'd known...." I would bet that your kids are not telling you everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I would not be with someone I felt uncomfortable leaving my children home alone with. I married dh when my oldest was 10 and how he treated her was at least as important (if not more so) than how he treated me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I'm agreeing with the others. My daughter was in a bad situation with a neighbor kid. It wasn't until the girl moved away that dd started to reveal the full extent of the situation. The same thing happened to my niece and some bullies at school. It wasn't until she was in another school and safe that she started to tell my sis the whole story. Sis was floored and distraught. We both said "If only we'd known...." I would bet that your kids are not telling you everything. :iagree: It is simply not normal for her to suddenly be afraid to be left alone with the man she believes to be her father simply because he got angry a few times and called her a bad name, particularly because the OP previously stated that their relationship had always been "great" and apparently she'd never feared him in the past. Whether or not the OP wants to believe it, I truly believe there is more going on here than her dd is telling her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Whoa. I get feeling frustrated with kids sometimes, but you don't call a 7 year old a b****. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 You need to move out. You will still have to have some contact since he is the father of the younger. two. As another poster said, I am sure your older dc are not telling you everything and they won't until they are out of the situation. Stuff will come out probably gradually over a few years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Growing up my dad called us kids all kinds of names and played mind games. My mom stayed with him because he was always changing. He was always "getting better" (according to him) Today my sister resents my mom as much as she resents my dad. My mother was a wonderful mother and did everything for us. The reason my sister resents my mother is because she stayed with my dad and let him treat us like that. She says she chose him over us. I am not saying the situation is the same for you as it was for us but just thought I would share encase it applied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I have foul mouth relatives who are great dads (if you excuse their swearing) but your fiancé comes across as emotionally manipulative in your update. If you feel your children are not safe with him, it is time to leave. It is a different scenario from someone with anger management issues or alcoholic and getting help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 There are plenty of us here (people who've posted on this thread and people just lurking) who would be willing to come help you move out. If you want our help, just say the word and The Well-Trained Movers will be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I know a woman whose second husband was an abuser. she had no clue before they got married. shortly afterwards, his own dd did something he got angry about, so he dragged her off to punish her. It took this woman a bit to get the locked bedroom door open, but when she did, the little girl was standing in her underwear and he was holding his belt ready to lay into her with the buckle. mama grizzley just stood there and told him if he hit her, he'd better not EVER go to sleep. abusers are cowards at heart and he backed down. she got custody of both of *his* dds in their divorce (which happened shortly afterwards). she figures she was supposed to get those girls out of there and that's why she didn't see what was going on before they were married. don't underestimate yourself, and be a grizzly bear mama and protect your cubs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I agree with the others... out. A seven year old would not be scared because of being called a bad name. If my child were scared of someone in my house, that person would be gone. Go to a pastor, a lawyer, a counselor, get help for yourself and your children. He fathered two kids... get that proven. You lived together without getting married (no judgement) makes it harder for you to get support or to divide up debt or divide up assets. Be smart - seek a lawyer's advice. BUT Losing money is nothing compared to losing a child's trust in you. Not to mention your boys will repeat this habit and your daughter will learn to accept it. Good Luck, sweetie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Saying this as someone who's parents are in jail for assault and child abuse (father 29 years for the actual doing and mother 20 years for never stopping it): leave. And don't go back again. My mother has told me she wishes she'd never gone back after she left him for a short time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I am honestly curious why this is impossible? because he's incredibly manipulative. most people who are that invovled with a manipulative person are blind to it because they no longer see "it". they aren't objective. I will lay odds there are many things that go on in their relationship she doesn't see anything wrong with, but would be blood red flags to those who have had first-hand dealings with a manipulator. If you've dealt with, and have understanding of how manipulators work, you can see it. If you've never dealt with a manipulator and don't know what you are seeing - it can look fine. manipulators count on outsiders not seeing their games, it's how they control. they also seek to keep the controllee off - balance so they won't break free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I know a woman whose second husband was an abuser. she had no clue before they got married. shortly afterwards, his own dd did something he got angry about, so he dragged her off to punish her. It took this woman a bit to get the locked bedroom door open, but when she did, the little girl was standing in her underwear and he was holding his belt ready to lay into her with the buckle. mama grizzley just stood there and told him if he hit her, he'd better not EVER go to sleep. abusers are cowards at heart and he backed down. she got custody of both of *his* dds in their divorce (which happened shortly afterwards). she figures she was supposed to get those girls out of there and that's why she didn't see what was going on before they were married. don't underestimate yourself, and be a grizzly bear mama and protect your cubs. Amen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
readinmom Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Keep in mind that whatever you decide to do, it should be for your daughter's welfare. There should be no other reason for the decision. If you don't deal with this now, be prepared for a very tumultuous relationship with your daughter as she gets older and more aware of the fact that you did not put her first, protect her. No child should ever deal with any abuse, verbal or physical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Your story makes me really sad. My stepfather had his own bio son but he never once made me feel less than him. My stepfather married my mom when I was six and they were married until his death last April. He never laid a hand on me in anger or ever called me names. I hope you see that there are issues that need to be addressed. Your children shouldn't live in fear in their own home. Please get help. Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 She said that he has not touched her in any unappropriate way, he just yells at her a lot when I am not there. If she's afraid of him, you can't be sure this is true. It's pretty common for sexual predators to threaten and intimidate the children they hurt so the kids won't say anything. After leaving- and you really should- your first stop should be to a clinic to find out if she, or any of your children, have been sexually assaulted. If they were, they could have serious medical problems that need attention right away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galatea Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I can't think of a single situation where calling a 7 year old child a B* would be even understandable, let alone appropriate. A 16 year old? I might not agree, but at least the attempt to shock them by using something they likely have heard before and will again soon would at least make some weird sense. But a 7 year old? That's extremely over the top. Does your fiance have anger issues? Calling a 7 year old a swear word sounds like an anger problem. I wouldn't want that in my life. If your daughter doesn't want to be alone with him, heed that as the warning it is. There are any number of explanations. One of them could be he's not controlling his anger well anymore. One of them could be that he is a predator with a clear age preference (and they usually do have this) and she's hit that range. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I have a close, loving, warm relationship with my kids. So does my husband. We saw odd behavior in our youngest and took her to a therapist, just to see if she could figure out what was going on. My daughter is revealing things that simply floor DH and I. If only we had known! Please don't think your daughter is telling you everything. Shame and fear can make little kids keep bad secrets. If nothing else, please let a therapist decide if anything inappropriate has happened. I think you should leave now, but if you don't, please find a trusted adult for your daughter to talk with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 If a man, any man, even my own DH HIT my child in an aggressive manner like that, he would be out the door without a second glance. I know this man. I grew up with him and many others. My stepfather was like this with my brother. NO grown man EVER has ANY excuse to lay his hands on a CHILD. PERIOD. FULL STOP. Now that he is also being verbally abusive? Hit the road, Jack. Otherwise, your children WILL resent YOU for not putting them first. Trust me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in AL Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I come from a home where I just had a feeling my stepdad didn't like me. I'm pretty sure he cussed us out once or twice at teens. From that expereince I would have to leave if someone treated my child that way, especially a 7 yr old. I'm a single mom and won't even date anyone my kids don't like. My experience scarred me so badly I'd even put my kids in school if I had to in order to leave a man that did that. I would arrange to live with a family member or someone in the meantime if possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Don't walk ---RUN! He has shown you who he is. Believe him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I'm agreeing with everyone else. Get out. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I understand it can be very difficult to face the truth and get out of a situation in which you've been manipulated. But it's not that hard to call an abuse hotline and get help. It's not that hard to go to whatever agency or group offers counseling. It's not that hard tell people IRL what is going on. It's not that hard to listen to advice. Take the first step. As a precaution, put important papers in a safe deposit box. Hide an extra set of house keys (in case you get locked out) and car keys somewhere (if you have a car). Gas in the car. Some kind of phone that you keep charged up. Try to save some extra money somewhere. The man you have described sounds like someone whose anger could escalate suddenly. I also agree with the posters who have said that your dd is not telling you everything. You may want to get advice about legal options in terms of who stays in the house, who has custody, how child support is determined. That's one area where the counseling center can help. ETA See post # 122. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 If she's afraid of him, you can't be sure this is true. It's pretty common for sexual predators to threaten and intimidate the children they hurt so the kids won't say anything. After leaving- and you really should- your first stop should be to a clinic to find out if she, or any of your children, have been sexually assaulted. If they were, they could have serious medical problems that need attention right away. If your daughter doesn't want to be alone with him, heed that as the warning it is. There are any number of explanations. One of them could be he's not controlling his anger well anymore. One of them could be that he is a predator with a clear age preference (and they usually do have this) and she's hit that range. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: That is exactly, exactly, exactly what I have been thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.