The One thing your parents did . . . that had the biggest impact - Education or otherwise

[MindfulMum]

I know that we all try our best and learn something new about parenting, our kids and ourselves from our interactions here and outside. I thought that it would a good idea to share what you think was the one thing that you parents did that made a big difference in your life.

 

Let me start with what I think worked well for me - growing up my mum helped me fine some real good friends. She made special effort to get to know who my friends were (without being nosy). Ours was the house that always had the best snack, creative projects, etc. My mum really guided me (very subtle) in identifying who my real friends were. Once I had a good set of friends I think her job got much easier as my peer group help me make some real big positive decisions in life.

[Rosie_0801]

Probably the eternal nag :"Look at it from their perspective."

[Kalmia]

Pulling me out of public high school at the end of 9th grade and putting me into a private school with gifted teachers and curious students! Changed my life.

[TracyP]

They raised me on a farm. It may sound strange, but I can't begin to list the number of things that lifestyle taught me.

[Maplecat]

My mom was always reading and frequently took us to the library. I learned so much more by reading on my own than I ever learned in school.

[redsquirrel]

Well, I think my mom's defining characteristic when it came to our education was that she stayed almost entirely out of it. I don't think that was a good thing, either. I was constantly behind the other kids who had parental support. She never helped with our school work, never knew what we were doing.

 

Now I know it was because she thought she wasn't smart enough. She struggled in school (I suspect a learning problem) and was told by the nuns that she was a lazy student etc. She grew up very working class and was taught to defer to the teachers at all time because they were more educated, knew better than her etc.

 

I was always envious of the kids who had parents who stood up for them and made sure they got the 'good' teachers, helped them with their work etc.

[Crimson Wife]

Valuing education and making it a priority in their household. Instead of spending money on status symbols like designer clothes or luxury cars, they saved for my brothers' and my college and also they paid for things like extracurriculars, summer programs, a family subscription to the symphony, tons of books, and so on.

[Mom0012]

Mine isn't probably as helpful as what some of the other posters said, but the answer to this question comes to mind so quickly, I feel like I have to post it. I suffered from a terrible depression starting with puberty and then well into my teens. My mom drove me to and from high school every day (which was a royal pain for her) until I had my own car and was able to drive myself. I did not like school and I absolutely hated the bus stop and riding the bus, and I feel like she lifted me up and enabled me to get through some really tough years by going the extra mile for me. I honestly don't know what would have happened if she had not done that for me. I was and am so lucky to have her.

[clarkacademy]

My mom was a single mom and the most thing I remember was she always worked two jobs. She was duck taping her shoes one night after my birthday and it hit me we had no money. I had a brand new 200 suede jacket in South FL and dressed as well as any other kid and my mom had holes in her shoes. I got a job bagging groceries after that. She stayed for years with a man who beat her but when he turned on me that was it she left him. For years I was scared to death to take a bath so she took one with me. I guess what I learned from my mom was your kid comes first. She went to work sick, beaten or just tired it didn't matter. When you have a child you raise that child you no longer matter. She also taught me from the time I was very small that if you could read a book you could go anywhere. My mom is my hero

[Barb_]

My mom taught me to read and do Math before I went to school. Those two years from 3-5 are my warmest memories of my education. In those two years she unknowingly sparked a future homeschooling mom.

[Kim C]

My mom taught me to care about others. She taught me that it only took a minute to make a difference in someone's life and let them know you care.

 

My dad taught me to have a sense of humor. That has taken me far and gets me through a lot of homeschool days. :)

[PachiSusan]

My Mom taught me the value of a good book and how it could take you to the most amazing places, and she fostered a love for my Lord that I cherish more than anything.

[RootAnn]

My father showed he loved me by spending time with me. I always felt like a help & not a hindrance He was always willing to let me try to do something whether it was drive (steer), re-shingle the roof, or go to a far-away camp where I wouldn't know anyone.

 

My parents switched us younger kids to the local public schools from the nearby private Catholic school when I was going into fourth grade. This was the best single thing my mother ever did for me in terms of (challenging) academics, (finally able to find) friends, and (growing my beat-down) self-esteem.

[SFM]

What a neat question to read, I can think of many things but I am trying to get started for the day, so maybe I will add something later. My parents did somethings that I don't like but I look now from the perspective of a parent and I know their hearts were in the right place and they were sincere in their efforts to do their best.

[dbmamaz]

my parent really valued education, and sent us to a private quaker school for a while, which was the highlight of my educational career. they also took us to europe, twice, which had a huge impact on me as a person. i also appreciate my mom being a role model of a strong, successful woman, tho i do think it came at a high cost for the family

[Mnemosyne]

My parents both did so much for me, but one thing that sticks out is that they truly cultivated my love of books. The house was full of books, we had weekly library trips, my mom would read out loud to us, and they encouraged us to read every day. It fostered a love of reading that a lot of people my age simply don't have.

[MindfulMum]

What a neat question to read, I can think of many things but I am trying to get started for the day, so maybe I will add something later. My parents did somethings that I don't like but I look now from the perspective of a parent and I know their hearts were in the right place and they were sincere in their efforts to do their best.

 

We will wait to hear from you . . .

[Karen in CO]

My parents valued education. They took me from the local public school after elementary school and drove me 40 miles to a private classical school every day for 8 years. They kept me away from most everything else in town but allowed me free access to the library. No matter how well I did in school, my father always asked me the same question that still haunts and motivates me, "Is that the best you could do?"

[Cynful]

Mine came from my grandparents rather than my parents and it sounds cliche, but they told me I could do anything. No matter what, I could LEARN anything. They made me feel smart and I wanted to live up to that. Also, positive reinforcement rather than negative consequences, and clear expectations.

[foxbridgeacademy]

My parents taught me to not only "think outside the box" but to realize there is no box. They were always willing to discuss anything in depth with me from why is the sky blue to why do we have wars. This is something DH and I do with our DC and I feel like I really know them. I know their thoughts/feelings on the mundane to the divine and they know ours too.

[Julie Smith]

I'm having trouble finding the right way to say this. They did not educate themselves on one very important subject. They should have read the book Protecting th Gift, or educated themselves in some way about that subject. Or at least been a little I don't know, not totally ignorant and blind about that subject.

[daijobu]

What a beautiful thread!

[Serenade]

Valuing education and making it a priority in their household. Instead of spending money on status symbols like designer clothes or luxury cars, they saved for my brothers' and my college and also they paid for things like extracurriculars, summer programs, a family subscription to the symphony, tons of books, and so on.

 

 

This was how my parents did it, too. They'd never pay for fancy clothes, trendy toys or luxury vacations, but if something was somehow education-related, they tried to make it happen. I was supported in a variety of interests, and I will forever be grateful for that.

[Lucy the Valiant]

Educationally: My parents valued curiosity and tried to take us on educational camping trips and to museums and such. Lots of books - like a previous poster said, no designer clothes or trips to amusement parks (we were poor), but they did make it a high priority to get us books and a good education.

 

Life-wise: My parents apologized to us. When they screwed up, got mad, etc., they would come back to us and apologize (sincerely) and ask us to forgive them. That stood out as HUGE to me as a kid, and taught me quite a bit about the power of forgiveness and putting things into perspective (goals, friendships, etc.).

[Maela]

There were some things that I really didn't like about the way I was raised, but when I really give it thought, there was more good than bad. My dad introduced me to good music and taught me how to have a sense of humor (and how to take a little teasing), and my mom was warm and loving. They were especially good parents during my younger years.

[lisabees]

My parents followed our passions, wherever they led. Today, it is normal to drive your kids all over so they can play travel sports and have certain experiences. Many friends say, "My parents never did this." My parents did.

 

We figure skated competitively, played travel ice hockey and soccer and baseball, took ballet lessons in the city, attended creative arts camp, attended some modeling "course" (ha ha), joined a local theatre troupe, took music lessons, attended musicals in NYC, camped all over the country, had a pet raccoon (don't ask). The list goes on and on. I never realized it before, but we must have said we were interested in something and my parents must have jumped on the chance to allow us to experience it. And these experiences were usually far away.

 

Another thing my parents did was let me carry out my plans. For better or worse, I was always organizing events for the neighborhood kids - gymnastics camp, modeling camp, a full-out wedding, a production of Annie, carnivals etc.

 

One of my closest friends lived an hour away. Somehow, I saw her quite often. My parents must have driven me. ;)

 

My parents did a lot of things wrong. I barely talk to my father. But, it wasn't until I was an adult did I realize that my parents supported every interest we had. Now, I do the same for my kids.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I was an Army brat and grew up mostly in Germany. My parents traveled with us. We went everywhere. I am still so grateful for all I was allowed to see of the world.

 

My parents both did so much for me, but one thing that sticks out is that they truly cultivated my love of books. The house was full of books, we had weekly library trips, my mom would read out loud to us, and they encouraged us to read every day. It fostered a love of reading that a lot of people my age simply don't have.

 

This too. My mom was always up for a trip to the library. I couldn't check out too many books. She also bought countless books at the bookstore, and she always sent me with lots of money to the Scholastic Book Sales at school! :tongue_smilie:

 

Life-wise: My parents apologized to us. When they screwed up, got mad, etc., they would come back to us and apologize (sincerely) and ask us to forgive them. That stood out as HUGE to me as a kid, and taught me quite a bit about the power of forgiveness and putting things into perspective (goals, friendships, etc.).

 

This is wonderful to read. I do this with my kids precisely because I always resented (and truthfully still do) that my parents never did it with my sister and me.

[Luckymama]

My parents told us we could grow up to be anything we wanted, that they would help us find the way :)

[Lizzie in Ma]

It was never one standout thing.

My Mom read to us, she colored with us and she showed us by example how to be kind to everyone. She wasn't perfect but we always knew she loved us. I remember her going without. She wore this ratty old blue coat for years but made sure we had those corduroys everyone was wearing. Every holiday had a special table setting, linens, a little festive place setting and candles even if the meal was hot dogs and beans.

She kicked us out of the house to play outside every day. She took us to the library, often. I cherish the relationship we have now, as adults.

 

I love my Dad but we were never close, he didn't know how to play, to relate to girls or children. Not his fault, he had an alcoholic father, was supporting his family at 12 and his Mom was this awful woman I hated. But I knew he loved me. He taught me how to drive, to take care of a vehicle, to know how to change a tire and oil, fill the fluids and be safe on the road. He taught us how to shoot and swim and to use a pocketknife and sharpen it. Those were things in his comfort zone and he was good at them.

[Susie in CA]

Two things come to mind.

 

1. My mom taught me to work hard and play hard. She made me work hard for school, but during vacation she required no school work from me at all. Even work a teacher told me to do over Christmas break or summer break she would say: " We work hard all the time, vacation is to recover and play."

 

2. She also taught me to stand up for myself. No one needs to be a victim. She taught me that I have control over my life; nobody else does.

[G5052]

LOL, I'm sure that I'm not alone here, but it depended on the parent.

 

Dad -- How to really read and think, and the importance of being well-rounded. He went to a Great Books college and then was a superstar research physicist who knew seven languages.

 

Mom -- Mostly negative lessons there. I learned so much on how *not* to parent from her. She was a *horrible* parent. Enough said.

[Hunter's Moon]

Supporting me in all of my decisions, even if they initially voiced their disagreements.

[AK_Mom4]

Telling me that girls were too dumb to go to college.

 

Seriously.... who does that? My parents, that's who!

 

But being my usual contrary self, I earned a scholarship out of state, went to college and then graduate school. And never looked back.

[Miss Marple]

We grew up very poor. But our family was fun and there was always something happening at home. My mom was incredibly hospitable and we often had uninvited guests drop in for supper. She always had extra - whether it was beans and weenies or macaroni and cheese. We kids never really felt poor. Today I try to maintain that hospitable atmosphere. My boys cannot imagine a holiday meal without someone from outside the family. We love to entertain. My family showed me that hospitality isn't about putting on a fine show, but about welcoming people into our home even if it isn't spotless or the meal isn't gourmet.

[julikins]

My parents taught be to look beyond myself, my wants, my comfort zone and sacrifice for others. My dad taught me how to laugh and enjoy good fellowship, to tell stories, to love and enjoy nature, to be able to relax and to be able to work really hard. He taught me about quietly and meekly standing up for truth, to live what he believed and I never saw him be a hypocrite. He loved my mom despite her instability during the menopause years and made sure I knew how important their marriage was to him. (That has really impacted my marriage now.)

My mom loved music and books. She listened to me and was patient with my very strong personality. Even though now I see that she babied me because she couldn't stand up to me (which I needed), I realize that she was sacrificing her own wants and desires for me. I wish so much that I had been mature enough to realize that then and had learned how to work hard under her tutelage. She had/has so many talents but it was too much effort for her to pass it on to her strong-willed daughter. But the love of books and music, the gift of singing and piano were her biggest contributions to me that I readily learned from her.

[Spetzi]

I love reading all of this! :001_tt1:

 

1.) They valued education and I grew up expecting to go to college (I did).

2.) I often had to pay for half of things I wanted from designer jeans to Girl Scout Camp. It was a great way for them to support my wishes without giving me everything (as I see too many parents do today.) I had to work for it so the trips or items were more meaningful to me. Also, I learned how to put the price of things in perspective and learn at an early age, "That's not how I want to spend my money."

 

I do this with my kids, too.

[HS Mom in NC]

We grew up on a farm which taught us to work and not be materialistic. We learned to rely heavily on common sense. My mother was always reading which taught me that a real education (as opposed to schooling) could be had outside of an institutional setting for anyone who wanted it at little or no cost. She didn't suffer fools-no whining, nor complaining and if you did something stupid she told you straight out for your own good.

 

My mother and father were separated when I was 7 days old and my brother was 11 months old. She married my step-dad, who had custody of his two sons, (11 and 12 at the time) when we were 3 and 4. We learned to get along with people we didn't like by watching them get along with their ex-relatives.

[MindfulMum]

It really does feel good to read about all of these experiences especially because I grew up in India and some things were quite different. Thanks for sharing you thoughts. Its great to see how reading, trips to the library, love for the books features in some many stories.

[Julie of KY]

Starting in middle school, my dad took me out to breakfast once or twice a month. It was our time to talk. Often he would have a little bit planned of things he wanted to talk about and the rest was about anything. Thirty years later we still go out for breakfast whenever I go home to visit.

[Heidi]

My mom read books to me as a child.

[kewb]

From my mom there are a couple of things:

1. My love of reading and all things books.

2. In high school when I failed my spanish regent by 1 point and the teacher and guidance wanted me to retake the class my mom went up to the school and after listening to them asked if I needed it for my regents diploma. "No." Then we are done here. Good day.

 

My dad:

Totally uninvolved in my education. His advice was more along the lines of "If someone hits you then you hit them back-harder. Resist the instinct to pull back when your fist connects. Dig in and keep your fist going." He was a gentleman and he taught me how I should be treated in a relationship.

[ktgrok]

They made sure I knew they would always be there for me, and that I could always come home. More to the point I knew (and still know), that I could be at the far ends of the earth and if I needed him my father would hop right in the car and come get me. No questions asked. Or at least not asked until the next morning, over coffee, with love, lol. Thank heavens they instilled that in me, as I needed it twice. Once in my senior year of college when I fell into a depression and borderline eating disorder and just needed to come home and be with people that loved me. My dad never said a word about money wasted, rent, trouble, etc. He just asked "when do you want me to come get you?" He drove up the next day (about 7 1/2 hours one way), packed up my stuff, and brought me home. AND welcomed my dog :) I got a job, and worked my way out of depression just be being home and being loved. The other time was when I got divorced. I never could have done it without knowing they would welcome me and my son, and again, a dog, lol. We lived there for 2 years.

 

Oh, and my mom taught me that everything would be ok. Whatever it was, she would help me through it and it would be ok. When I was small that meant helping me fix school projects I accidentally messed up, finding lost items, whatever. That led to an overall attitude of optimism that I still have.

[Mom in High Heels]

They let me read whatever I wanted, even twaddle. I read plenty of good books, but by allowing me to read whatever, they helped me appreciate all kinds of books, even those that didn't necessarily improve my brain. Knowing I could read whatever only made me want to read more. It made reading a pleasure instead of a chore. I also learned to read really, really fast because there were always more books to read. Even today, I read 2-3 books a week. Some are twaddle, others are not.

[EppieJ]

One thing that left a huge impression on me when I entered high school was my mom making a point of telling me, "If you make a mistake, bring it home." That spoke to my heart and let me know in no uncertain terms that my parents' love for me was not conditional, they were on my side and whatever happened they would be there to support me. That kept me out of more trouble than almost anything else. When my friends were locking horns with their parents I could count my blessings and know just how good I had it.

[ebunny]

My mom was a single mom and the most thing I remember was she always worked two jobs. She was duck taping her shoes one night after my birthday and it hit me we had no money. I had a brand new 200 suede jacket in South FL and dressed as well as any other kid and my mom had holes in her shoes. I got a job bagging groceries after that. She stayed for years with a man who beat her but when he turned on me that was it she left him. For years I was scared to death to take a bath so she took one with me. I guess what I learned from my mom was your kid comes first. She went to work sick, beaten or just tired it didn't matter. When you have a child you raise that child you no longer matter. She also taught me from the time I was very small that if you could read a book you could go anywhere. My mom is my hero

 

 

This brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing such beautiful memories.

[ebunny]

Just wanted to add that this is a great thread!

So many times, I tend to find fault with the choices that my parents made. But, I realise they were doing the best they could.

 

My parents allowed me to form my own opinions about things even though we disagreed on almost everything. They also modelled good manners for us to follow.

[love2travel]

We traveled four weeks out of every year to every state in the lower 48 and many parts of Canada. Our focus was National Parks and museums. There was no money for international travel but they would host any international speaker that would visit our church so we could interact with someone from a different culture. Such wonderful memories!

[2_girls_mommy]

Unfortunately the things that had the biggest impact were the negative things: like when my parents divorced, my mom went from being a stay at home mom to working two jobs and we turned into latch key kids, parents beginning to date and remarry, etc.

 

So I took from that the things I would NEVER do to my kids and put them through.

 

There were many good things pre divorce that I have carried on with my kids, but they were all before my teen years: family vacations, mom being home and a scout leader, and reading to us all of the time, etc. There were wonderful family holiday traditions. I can't say there was one good thing pre divorce. It is more about the stability I felt then vs. the instability I felt afterwards for me. So I just want to provide that.

[MindfulMum]

Thank you again for taking the time and sharing so openly. This forum surely taught me a little more about this group and will also help me keep things in perspective.

[arborite]

My mom did not go to college when she was young and struggled to support us on her income. She sent me to Catholic school on what little she had. She knew painfully well how important a good education was for having a secure and independent life as a woman. She took night classes at the local college when I was a teenager, to try to earn enough credits to move up the pay scale at her government job. Lord, she worked hard. Her life and example taught me that with an education you are free.