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Do you serve a lot at your church? I really find it hard to make the commitment to help with others kids etc after being with my kids ALL WEEK LONG. I might get a small break during the week but I'm pretty much "on" 24/7. We're also committed to football, gymnastics, science and art class and a scouting group. I just don't have it in me come Sunday. I *know* it's important to serve but I'm wiped out.

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Yes, I direct the acolytes each Sunday and I chair the education committee and co-teach Children's church (but we rotate teachers so I do it less than 1o times a year) and sub in Sun. school classes when they need it. So I do work with kids there too, but not every week besides directing the acolytes which only takes a few moments. I would be less willing to take on a position teaching Sun. school every week.

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Part of the issue is that we only have one service a week. There is no Sunday School, Wednesday night service, etc. I have told the children's pastor that I would sub in the older kids classes as needed but the teaching commitment is every other week and you miss the service, etc.

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I think that it is important to serve in some capacity, however, that capacity is different for everyone.

I have a hard time with members (personal experience ONLY, not you) who consider themselves involved but either don't show up even to church on a regular basis, or don't 'serve' in any way that isn't well-publicized (read: teaching a class for a quarter- but never come to Sunday School otherwise, being in a musical when they haven't been at church for months, etc.) That's just me personally.

DH and I both volunteer our time for different ministries. DH runs sound (and has been since he was 15 :lol: - not the only one, but one of two and it gets old. I never sit with DH in service to speak of), is an adult leader in the youth group, and used to volunteer with me in the nursery (until he had to stop because of... sound! Sigh... :lol: ). I volunteer 1x month in the nursery and I used to be an adult leader in youth, too (but I stopped so that I could attend other Bible studies and classes.) We are both in musicals. DH is a deacon and I am in charge of a small ministry that puts together a basket of stuff for new moms and organizes a few meals for them when they come home (which, honestly, I'm beginning to tire of. I love doing the baskets, but it's like pulling teeth to get people to make a meal! :( I do understand if I were asking the same people every time, but I have a list of like 20 people and we aim for 3 meals per mom - we've been averaging about 5-6 babies a year now. So I wouldn't think it would be that hard. :( It's wearing on me, that part of it.) I also probably won't volunteer in the nursery once Pink is out of the required parent volunteer age range (our church has a policy that every regular attendee parent who has a child in the Pre-K class or younger on a regular basis has to volunteer in one of the classes 1x month. We have nursery, 2 year old class, 3 year old class, and Pre-K class, and we can choose one of those. I prefer the nursery because they're pretty easy to please and they don't talk back yet. :D ) At that point, I'm not sure what I'll do... We do have a yearly outreach in town that is pretty huge, and all of us do that every year, too, though that on it's own isn't that huge of a commitment.

ANYWAY, I said all that to say that I DO believe serving in your church is important, but that it is totally up to you how that commitment looks. :)

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Part of the issue is that we only have one service a week. There is no Sunday School, Wednesday night service, etc. I have told the children's pastor that I would sub in the older kids classes as needed but the teaching commitment is every other week and you miss the service, etc.

 

Somebody has to miss the service. I would encourage a larger rotation of teachers so no one has to do it all year.

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No, I do not. I have in the past, but now that one hour of grown-up Sunday School is my only official "me" time all week.

 

I can see how hard it is on some moms. (I see some dads helping them out too.) I'm sorry, but if I take on this kind of thing I know I will hit my breaking point. I used to be on some nonprofit boards and I quit most of them, because frankly, being a working single mom of five-year-olds is enough.

 

I personally think people should volunteer more before they have kids and then slow down for a while. (It worked for me, anyway.)

Edited by SKL
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Do you serve a lot at your church? I really find it hard to make the commitment to help with others kids etc after being with my kids ALL WEEK LONG. I might get a small break during the week but I'm pretty much "on" 24/7. We're also committed to football, gymnastics, science and art class and a scouting group. I just don't have it in me come Sunday. I *know* it's important to serve but I'm wiped out.

 

I serve in ways that I can work into my schedule, mainly preparing meals for sick families or when babies are born. It is fairly easy for me to double my recipes and deliver meals. I also offer to help other moms with their kids when they really need it (doctor appointments for the mom, etc.).

 

Beyond that, my family is my ministry during this season of my life.

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Somebody has to miss the service. I would encourage a larger rotation of teachers so no one has to do it all year.

 

We did a rotation that was once a month and we missed service but it was fine. Every other week is hard. We've always served up until this point. I'm just beyond wiped out with the demands of the kids, a self employed husband and health issues. I know it will get easier as the kids get older but it's so hard right now. We do attend mission outings with the kids, etc. I was just wondering if others find serving on a regular basis as hard as I do right now.

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We did a rotation that was once a month and we missed service but it was fine. Every other week is hard. We've always served up until this point. I'm just beyond wiped out with the demands of the kids, a self employed husband and health issues. I know it will get easier as the kids get older but it's so hard right now. We do attend mission outings with the kids, etc. I was just wondering if others find serving on a regular basis as hard as I do right now.

 

It sounds like right now is just a time to take a step back from commitments. It won't be this way forever, and you can take this time for some much-needed reprieve, and serve when you begin to feel the wind back in your sails again. :) :grouphug:

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Oh, yeah. I'm LDS. :D I teach youth Sunday School now, which is my "break" after serving in the women's organization for 3 1/2 years. That required 3 hours of my time on Tuesday nights for our presidency meeting and visits to other women in my ward, as well as Sunday meetings and services. Plus, I was in charge of our monthly "enrichment meeting" where we met on a Wednesday evening for a two hour class (like cooking, sewing, crafts, canning or some other project) or chance to socialize (a dinner).

 

I have always found that serving others energizes me and that I accomplish more when I'm busiest. I will say that I have a very supportive husband, who is happy to step in and pick up the slack at home when I'm doing church work. And I gladly do the same for him.

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Stayseeliz:Do you serve a lot at your church?

 

Not at the moment. Recovering from a back thing.

 

I don't do guilt. I've done my share. I've run ministries. I am sure I will do more later.

 

 

I really find it hard to make the commitment to help with others kids etc after being with my kids ALL WEEK LONG. I might get a small break during the week but I'm pretty much "on" 24/7. We're also committed to football, gymnastics, science and art class and a scouting group. I just don't have it in me come Sunday.

 

I don't blame you! Just say you can't commit right now due to some obligations, but you will be the first to let them know when things lighten up. Smile. Change the subject!

 

 

I *know* it's important to serve but I'm wiped out.

 

Do what you need to do. If God wants you to do more, God is quite capable of getting that message across to you independently.

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When my kids were younger (elementary) I taught Sunday school. I also helped with Women's retreats. After 2 years I was burnt out. I could not handle being "on" and organized 6 days a week. I decided I had to be done with those particular volunteer positions. I took a break for a year then I was asked to be a Deacon. I had at this time volunteered to hs another child besides my own two. So, I told those who asked me, "no". I do believe there is a time and place for helping out at church. I do believe when you step back from a volunteer position, if God wants the job done, he'll find the person. BTW, I was asked to be a deacon again when my children were a little older. I was able to say, "yes" at that time.

 

Don't feel guilty about saying "no". HSing is a lot more work that the average population realizes.

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Nope!!!! I don't do anything on a regular basis and I am the priest's wife!!! I just can't take on the extra committment with everything my kids are doing (gymnastics team, soccer, karate, Boy Scouts, archery, baseball, rowing, work, piano, violin!!). Thankfully, mostly people at my church understand. There are a few who talk (I've heard!). Whatever. I have to do what works for my family.

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I only do a little bit.

 

My husband and I co-teach our teen Bible School class (it's a one-full day per year commitment). He coordinates a fairly large, involved fundraiser every fall....I do 'support' work by doing a small amount of baking, proofreading, and just being a nice wife. ;) At Christmas we usually help with the Christmas family (a needy family the church helps/buys gifts and food for during the holiday season). A few years ago I was a deacon, and then my husband was a deacon, but we are both rotated off now and that is nice for the time being. :)

 

Beyond that I do not do anything at this point in time. After my children are older I would like to teach Sunday School, I think. But in this season of life I really do not do much at church. I don't feel guilty about it at all. My ministry is at home right now, and I do work HARD at it!!!

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I have to wholeheartedly agree with the poster who said that your family is your ministry right now. You are furthering the Kingdom of Heaven by preparing your children; your impact on the world will be multiplied through them.

 

Just avoid the guilt and comparing; you don't have to explain yourself.

 

In our church, there are less taxing ways to serve: greeting, ushering, making meals for families in need, making phone calls, etc. You might inquire if there are jobs like this that need to be done.

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We did a rotation that was once a month and we missed service but it was fine. Every other week is hard. We've always served up until this point. I'm just beyond wiped out with the demands of the kids, a self employed husband and health issues. I know it will get easier as the kids get older but it's so hard right now. We do attend mission outings with the kids, etc. I was just wondering if others find serving on a regular basis as hard as I do right now.

 

Me! I teach every other week. I'm kicking myself for volunteering. I feel completely taken advantage of. This week dh had to go early and took the kids, I was home by myself just crying and trying to psyche myself up to get to church and teach. I hate it, and yet I volunteered because I knew that is where they needed help. I didn't realise it would be every other week, they told me there would be more teachers. So yeah, really hard right now.

 

Another church we went to had a roster of 10-12 volunteers. We'd take a month at a time. So that meant missing an entire month of church at once, but it was only once a year or so. I would much prefer that.

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I volunteered with children a lot at my church when I was homeschooling. But one of my criteria for a church, and this is an absolute one, is that Sunday school and the Divine Service not overlap at all. So what I gave up was part of Bible class, never any of the Divine Service.

 

I figured that I was going to be a church anyway to take DD to Sunday School, so even after I started to work fulltime while still homeschooling (and thus crazy busy) I continued to do the Sunday school openings/children's music and to write and direct the annual children's Christmas services.

 

The other thing I do when I am thinking about volunteering at church is to think what I would enjoy, and commit to that. That doesn't mean that I don't ever do anything I don't LOVE, but major commitments I weighed pretty carefully. Mostly I did more than a lot of the other members, so it was reasonable to turn down things that I really hated. The Bible says, "The Lord loves a cheerful giver." I wish to be of service to God and others but not to hate my life.

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Somebody has to miss the service...

 

Although there are other options. It was important for us (not true of everyone, I realize) to be a part of church where there's nothing extra going on during the main service, so we thankfully found one where this is the case; this would pretty much be true of all Orthodox churches.

 

We were part of children's ministry at one point, for a couple of years. We realized after a short time it was not a good fit for us. It's okay, really it is. I do think it's important for people to help somehow but you should be able to talk to your priest/pastor to describe your situation and ask what you could do.

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I do now, but I didn't when my kids were younger. I felt the same as you, after teaching my kids all week, the last thing I wanted to do was teach on Sundays too.

 

If you want to serve, I'd see if there some non-Sunday thing you could do - mailings, or church/yard maintenance, or computer stuff, or maybe there is some kind of yearly activity, like a festival or party that you could help organize/execute.

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Oh, yeah. I'm LDS. :D I teach youth Sunday School now, which is my "break" after serving in the women's organization for 3 1/2 years. That required 3 hours of my time on Tuesday nights for our presidency meeting and visits to other women in my ward, as well as Sunday meetings and services. Plus, I was in charge of our monthly "enrichment meeting" where we met on a Wednesday evening for a two hour class (like cooking, sewing, crafts, canning or some other project) or chance to socialize (a dinner).

 

I have always found that serving others energizes me and that I accomplish more when I'm busiest. I will say that I have a very supportive husband, who is happy to step in and pick up the slack at home when I'm doing church work. And I gladly do the same for him.

 

I'm LDS too. :) The LDS church definitely has lots of different ways to serve. I've served in the Relief Society presidency a couple of times before, and that can be a big job. Right now I'm having a lovely break from big jobs, and am serving as the assistant ward librarian. Basically I hang out in the materials center and make copies of handouts and pass out crayons, and scissors, and glue, and pictures, and extra scriptures, and whatnot to whoever needs them for their classes. (There's one adorable little guy about four years old who used to come in every Sunday and ask for a Book of Mormon. He always returned it in good condition too. I think eventually his parents bought him his very own. I miss my little friend, but he still waves at me when he goes by out in the hall.) And then I usually try to get over to the church one night a week for people who have big copy jobs so they don't tie up the copier during church. I'm really loving this calling (what we call our volunteer jobs at church) because it doesn't require me to prepare any lessons or plan any activities, and since I feel like I spend my whole life preparing, planning, and teaching lessons and activities, it's nice to have a break. Our adult Sunday School teacher is a high school English teacher as a profession, and I don't know how she doesn't go crazy, but she does such an amazing job with it, and seems to enjoy it, so I'm hoping she'll be there for a good long while. Which is another great thing about being the assistant ward librarian--I get to be there for the entire main worship service (families stay together for that part), and then I only miss the very beginning bits of each of the next two hour blocks of classes (while people are checking things in and out of the materials center), but then I get to go to both Sunday School and Relief Society (women's organization meeting). If I'm teaching children's classes I always miss at least one, if not both. It's a good place for me right now. I feel like I'm contributing, which is a good feeling, but it's not burdensome. I'm sure at some point I'll be back to teaching lessons or helping plan activities, but I'm really enjoying my break just now.

 

OP, I wonder if there's some other way you could "serve" at church besides helping with children's church? Maybe some kind of administrative help in the church office or something?

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Currently, no. Dc's and I bake for the tea after the service but that is it. So maybe 2 hours a week. Dh is on several committees for our denomination. These take up quite a bit of time. Interupt alot of family outings. I feel at this point that is plenty. I just do not have it in me to give much more of me right now. I can't imagine teaching anyone else right now. I do all the planning I can handle.

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Our boys attend church with us, they do not go to children's church so I make no commitments on Sunday mornings. Dh is on praise team and choir so he isn't always available to sit with them. We are leaders in our Wednesday night children's program and I make meals for sick, elderly, new mommies etc. Oh, and we will be co-hosting our small group starting in the fall. That is the level of commitment I'm comfortable with at this point.

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I don't believe service should be done out of obligation to the church or because it's "your turn." You serve because you are called to serve--by God, not by your pastor/children's minister/etc.

 

At this season in your life, your first priority is raising your children. THAT's your ministry. If you are being called to do more, wonderful. If you aren't, that's wonderful too.

 

If the church does not have enough people called to serve within certain ministries, it should consider the possibility that God does not need that ministry, at that time, at that church. People who are guilted, cajoled, or otherwise begged into service won't do so with the appropriate servant's heart. And then who benefits? Not the church member being pressed, nor the people to whom they are supposed to be ministering.

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I now very rarely do. Over the years (pre-kids and homeschooling), I did frequently. We also have changed churches a lot due to maturity in our faith. The church we are at now we are not currently members, and you do have to be members to volunteer. Even if we become members, I will not volunteer in this area (other than VBS). My first ministry is to my own kids with homeschooling, and I feel there are older people who don't have kids in the house anymore or people whose kids go to school that can handle it. I prefer to volunteer in another area, and agree that you shouldn't be guilted into doing something with kids.

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I don't believe service should be done out of obligation to the church or because it's "your turn." You serve because you are called to serve--by God, not by your pastor/children's minister/etc.

 

At this season in your life, your first priority is raising your children. THAT's your ministry. If you are being called to do more, wonderful. If you aren't, that's wonderful too.

 

If the church does not have enough people called to serve within certain ministries, it should consider the possibility that God does not need that ministry, at that time, at that church. People who are guilted, cajoled, or otherwise begged into service won't do so with the appropriate servant's heart. And then who benefits? Not the church member being pressed, nor the people to whom they are supposed to be ministering.

 

:iagree:Very well said. For some of us doing our own home maintenance, garden care, cooking, helping sick and elderly family members, finances, homeschooling (which is a full time job), etc. is more than we can handle.

 

If God has put it into your heart to homeschool your children, you have taken on a big job. He certainly does not want you to exhaust yourself to the point that you are unable to be effective in it. This is why I no longer teach at co-ops or VBS. It exhausts me to the point that I need days or even weeks to recover and prevents me from doing the job God wants me to do. It steals my energy and makes me ineffective at home and at whatever service (VBS or other) I attempt to take on. But, I am dealing with an autoimmune disorder, and I recognize that others may be able to handle more. Still, I think there are many being guilted into inappropriate service.

 

Any outside service you might consider should involve a discussion with your Dh and prayerful thought about how it affects your family and your health.

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We're also committed to football, gymnastics, science and art class and a scouting group. I just don't have it in me come Sunday. I *know* it's important to serve but I'm wiped out.

 

You should be able to attend worship regularly. Personally, I would not attend a church that had rotating teachers for kids; it doesn't compare with the experience they have gotten through having weekly teachers committed to them. Churches with one service provide this through offering a Sunday school at a different time. Churches with two services can have Sunday school concurrently with both services. Parents (or others) can serve a service and worship at a service.

 

However, if you are too worn out to serve behind-the-scenes shopping, organizing, etc. then you might re-evaluate how much the extra-curriculars are draining you and decide if your time investment/priorities are consistent with your beliefs.

Edited by Laurie4b
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When we first joined our church, myself and others new to it jumped in with both feet everywhere and anytime we were asked. Two years later we all completely burned out and felt that it was surely NOT the way things were supposed to be, prayerfully left most of the ministries we were involved in and focused on our families, our homeschools and perhaps one ministry we were uniquely suited to do.

I felt led to come to this, if we are blessed with a family and blessed to be able to homeschool then it becomes our primary ministry.

Which is not to say we don't serve.

 

I run the prayer chain, I am suited to do so because I am often at the computer and it is a blessing to me and to others that I am able to run it.

As a family we minister, on occasion, at special annual events that we cherish taking part in.

Our oldest runs the soundboard for the worship team because she loves it and dh is worship leader, a position he was also suited for and blessed with and from Memorial Day to Labor Day, he runs the worship at the evening beach services as well. A ministry he created as an outreach opportunity.

As a family we also run the coffee ministry getting there early each Sunday to set up the coffee service and snacks.

 

I learned to say no. I learned to stay off committees. I learned to serve joyfully but ditching all the things I had been helping in that were stressing me out and causing problems in our family life and focus on the things that we could do well and bless our church family by doing.

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I do back up nursery and I just signed up to do our welcome table every other week. I also work at VBS every year. I am on a committee that is starting up a new ministry also, when that gets started I will be putting in a few hours a week. I attend church every Sunday morning, and I attend a bible study Sunday and Monday nights.

 

I feel that every member needs to serve and that it should be a priority. There are so many ways to do that ranging from prayer chain, to help organize meals for a new mom, to being a greeter, to being a fill nursery worker. There is always one way to serve that you have the time for.

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I don't believe service should be done out of obligation to the church or because it's "your turn." You serve because you are called to serve--by God, not by your pastor/children's minister/etc.

 

At this season in your life, your first priority is raising your children. THAT's your ministry. If you are being called to do more, wonderful. If you aren't, that's wonderful too.

 

If the church does not have enough people called to serve within certain ministries, it should consider the possibility that God does not need that ministry, at that time, at that church. People who are guilted, cajoled, or otherwise begged into service won't do so with the appropriate servant's heart. And then who benefits? Not the church member being pressed, nor the people to whom they are supposed to be ministering.

 

AMEN. I totally believe this. It's hard to do this in clergy families.

 

Some people see ministry as only happening in and thru the church. But where do we spend the majority of our time? God wants to use us in our field of influence. Reach your own Jerusalem, first!

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However, if you are too worn out to serve behind-the-scenes shopping, organizing, etc. then you might re-evaluate how much the extra-curriculars are draining you and decide if your time investment/priorities are consistent with your beliefs.

 

OP, extracurriculars can be a legitimate and necessary part of your Dc's education. Often they will meet specific needs for specific children. Do not feel like this is a situation where you need to choose b/t church & extracurriculars. That sort of either or and all of its implications almost leans towards guilting.

 

Perhaps your time investment and priorities are completely appropriate for your family. You are not less Christian because you involve your children in extracurriculars. There is no command to attend and volunteer in x number of church ministries.

 

We (my family) are Christians. We worship God, and he is not a God that fits only into the box put around him by a particular church, building, or denomination. I agree wholeheartedly with Chris in Va, ministry happens everywhere, God is everywhere, not just at church or church organized and approved functions.

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I don't think that being a woman/mother means you have to spend time with kids. I would look for an area that works better for you. I don't know whether your church really needs you to or not - our church always needs more volunteers, so it is really hard for me to say "maybe you could take a break... just a season in your life... etc" because if one of our volunteers did that, we'd have to change what we can offer.

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Yes, I do. If we want our church to grow, then I need to serve others. It is contagious. If I serve as the Lord directs and convicts, others will also begin to serve. Some of my giving is with children ministry and other times, I am involved in other ministries. Everyone has busy schedules. Everyone.

 

However, I need to set an example for my kids. This is the season to set that example. As far as kid's ministry...there is no spiritual gift listed for that as a specialty. Our Lord really, really, really thought children were VERY important and there are examples where he put adults aside in order to minister to children first.

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I won't help in the children's classes. It's not an area that I should be serving in so I save that for those who work well with children in a class setting.

 

That said, DH often stays with DD3, though she's pretty much at the point of staying alone. He'll stay if asked.

 

DD12 works as a helper in the children's classes twice a month.

 

And I serve by handling communion every other month. We have communion weekly. I get the supplies needed, prepare them, set them out, and clean it up each week.

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I'm burned out on teaching Religious Education. I enjoyed it a lot more before I started homeschooling, but now my creative teaching energy is used up well before Sunday.

 

I recently accepted a request to serve on our pastoral care committee instead. We call and/or visit people who are ill, bereaved, or in some other kind of trouble. It's working much better for me to have an opportunity to serve the church that doesn't involve kids and teaching.

 

Similarly, in a church-related activity that's a big part of our lives, I have no interest in helping with the youth program. But I jumped at the chance to be on the Board of Directors.

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No, I do not. I have in the past, but now that one hour of grown-up Sunday School is my only official "me" time all week.

 

I can see how hard it is on some moms. (I see some dads helping them out too.) I'm sorry, but if I take on this kind of thing I know I will hit my breaking point. I used to be on some nonprofit boards and I quit most of them, because frankly, being a working single mom of five-year-olds is enough.

 

I personally think people should volunteer more before they have kids and then slow down for a while. (It worked for me, anyway.)

You are the reason that I serve. If you (or someone like you) attended, I would not feel bad at all that you were sitting in the service while I watched your kids. I have a dh at home to help me and support me. You are "on" all the time.

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I serve in the pre-k class. It also happens to be our biggest class. I always get excited when a new school year starts because I think that some of mine are going to graduate up to the next class. And they do! But then... I get a new shipment of 'barely 3 years' to replace them. :lol:

 

I also serve on the cleaning team and the VIP team (the team that welcomes visitors) and I tell ya... I'm really getting burned out.

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I agree with other posts stating that Your Family is Your Ministry at the moment.

 

We are very actively involved, almost to the point of too much. My dh is the lead teacher for middle school and I am a shephard for one set of girls in that class, as well as the ministry leader for our class. We both teach separate classes on Sunday nights for the youth and help on Wednesday nights during our youth service. Our vacation plans also rotate around the youth group's mission trips and summer camp. I can't tell you the last time we went on vacation that had nothing to do with either church or other family members. Prior to serving in the youth, I was actively involved in our women's ministry for several years. I am also of the opinion that not every family should be required to serve for children/youth ministries just because you have children. Those are two areas that I strongly believe a person should be called to work in.

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