How often do you go out?

[AlmiraGulch]

I mean you and your significant other. And I mean out somewhere other than to dinner or a movie. So, to listen to music, or hang out with friends, or to a bar for a cocktail, or something like that.

 

My DH and I are having a disagreement about this. We have always gone out in the way I've described 1 - 2 times per week, on average, which I contend is WAY more than most of the married/coupled people I know, particularly those with kids. For a variety of reasons, primarily related to the recent incarceration of my children's father, I've been staying very close to home for the past month. I think they need that stability. And when my husband went out one evening when I was out of town for work last week he didn't understand why I was upset by that (although in retrospect, I probably should not have been, but I was, so that's that).

 

He wants to go out tonight and I said no, I'm not going. I still think it's important to be home. Plus, I just started TODAY to try to lose weight again, and I don't see how being out in a bar/live music environment will be conducive to that effort. We're not arguing about it, we're just not in agreement. I told him to go and have fun, but he says he wants to spend the time with me. And so, an impasse.

 

So anyway....back to the original question.......how often do you and yours go out?

[bettyandbob]

My dh and went on a date a month or so ago to get dinner and browse at barnes and noble. Since the beginning of 2012 we've been out 4 times, including our anniversary. 3 times were dinner. 1 time we went to a party his bf's sister hosts every year, which we always attend (and have a good time).

[Country Mouse]

We go to dinner and a movie every other month or so and out to socialize with friends maybe 2 or 3 times a year.

[Wheres Toto]

If I'm understanding correctly, we never go out the way you describe.

 

When we do go out we go to a nice dinner or to a movie, and there's usually a reason. Dinner is usually our anniversary or someone's birthday. Movies are usually only if we've seen something advertised that we decide we really want to see in theatres (usually big science fiction movies). We may hang at the bar while waiting for a table but I don't know if we've ever gone out just to hang at a bar - although that could be because I don't drink much anymore. When we get together with friends, it's usually at their house or meeting up for dinner.

 

We go out once a month or less. We only leave the kids with my mother or oldest dd. I think dh and I both tend to the introvert/home-body type.

[speedmom4]

Never. I wish it wasn't that way. My husband travels a lot for his job and has to socialize a lot for his job so when he is home we stay home. Also, I don't want to take that time away from the kids since they miss so much time with him.

 

I'm interested to hear other people's responses!

 

Elise in NC

[KS_]

I mean you and your significant other. And I mean out somewhere other than to dinner or a movie. So, to listen to music, or hang out with friends, or to a bar for a cocktail, or something like that.

 

 

Almost never. And that includes going out to dinner, too. We might have an event once or twice a year that we go to, but not often. I could go out more often with dh (he has more frequent business/social engagements), but I don't have that much social energy and if I do go out, I'd rather it were just with him.

[Lawana]

Virtually never. We go eat dinner at a Mexican restaurant once a week, and out to a nicer restaurant a few times a year, but that's it. For us it's because neither of us enjoys the sorts of things you mentioned.

[QueenCat]

Once a week, at minimum but that's for dinner without kids. With friends and no kids? Depends on the time of year. From mid-May to late October, almost every other Saturday (unless the weather is bad or we're out of town), for music & wine on the grounds of a local winery, usually with other couples. 3-4 times a year, we head to the symphony. Adult "parties".... depends on the season. Sometimes with kids, sometimes just the two of us. To a bar? Never, just not into that, but we do drink socially, just not in that setting.

Edited July 14, 2012 by CathieC

[Hoot]

Pretty much, never.

We will occasionally go out to dinner and/or a movie if DS13 is away for the weekend, but we never ever go out to listen to music, hang out with friends or go to a bar. We're really just not those kinds of people. When we go somewhere it is typically thrift shopping (browsing) or off to a bookstore on a weekend with lunch to follow and a movie at home later. Now, that said, DH will go out with his old college friends sometimes to hang out, listen to music or whatever but we just don't do that together. Those are just not things we enjoy doing as a couple.

[linders]

Uhmmmm..we go out about 3 times a year for his work events (Christmas parties, etc.). And maybe 3 times a year for dinner and another 3 for a play or music thing. Other outings are always with kids.

 

It really depends on the couple. We did so much going out when we were younger/childless that we are rather happy to just have the DC go to bed (they go to bed by 9) and cuddle with a movie or books.

[Zebra]

Almost never.

 

We don't have a babysitter and are poor & introverted :lol:.

[AlmiraGulch]

Thanks for the responses. Yours are pretty much what I thought they would be. I just read him all of the responses and he's really surprised!

 

I want to mention that we don't just go to bars to sit and pound drinks. My husband is a musician and we both enjoy live music, and bars are where the bands are.

 

For what it's worth, I've decided to go out with him tonight. I'm pleased that he wants to be with me, and my kids are with their dad tonight (he was released 2 days ago). I want to nurture my relationship in ways we both enjoy, so....time to change out of my sweatpants and put some makeup on my face.

[cjzimmer1]

Well we go out to dinner 2-3 times a year and once a year we go to an event where my parents take the kids overnight (1 night) but that's the extent of our going out. But We don't go to bars, concerts or movies so the eliminates a lot of the things on your list.

 

I'm assuming you husband doesn't have kids of his own that he raised from little on. So I'm guessing he's not used to the amount of time it requires a parent to be in close contact with the kids. He probably see it as they are old enough to be home alone so he should be able to spend as much time as he wants with you.

 

Also aren't you newly married? I'm sure that would play into it as well. If you've been married 10 years somehow it's different than if you been married 6 months.

 

It's going to be a juggling act to meet his needs and those of your kids but for me, if I was going out once a week that is ALL I could handle since I'm a homebody.

[HappyCrazyMama]

Almost never. And that includes going out to dinner, too. We might have an event once or twice a year that we go to, but not often. I could go out more often with dh (he has more frequent business/social engagements), but I don't have that much social energy and if I do go out, I'd rather it were just with him.

:iagree: We went out to dinner and a movie, for my birthday, that was before the New Year. We haven't been out since. Not counting dinner and movie, less than once a year. I don't mind at all.:)

[AlmiraGulch]

 

I'm assuming you husband doesn't have kids of his own that he raised from little on. He does, actually..... So I'm guessing he's not used to the amount of time it requires a parent to be in close contact with the kids. He probably see it as they are old enough to be home alone so he should be able to spend as much time as he wants with you. I think it's this.....

 

Also aren't you newly married? Yep. I'm sure that would play into it as well. If you've been married 10 years somehow it's different than if you been married 6 months. I know that's true! I was married for 10 years last time, and yeah.....very different.

 

It's going to be a juggling act to meet his needs and those of your kids but for me, if I was going out once a week that is ALL I could handle since I'm a homebody.

 

Good insight! I do need to balance the needs of my children, my own needs (I socialize often when I travel for business.....not much of a choice in the matter) and the needs of my husband and our marriage. It's not easy! It does help that I have a great husband. I'm just glad he's not trying to go out with his buddies all the time and wants to be with me.

[jenangelcat]

Together without the kids? Never. Dh works long days and is home later in the evening, he spend time with the kids before bed and then with me alone. He also works weekends.

 

With some babysitter horror stories in ours pasts (as kids) we could never hire someone that wasn't close family and we don't have close family so...there you go.

 

I very rarely go out with a friend during the day and if dh can ever get his shifts cut down he would like to do a Sunday morning thing with his friends but no night time bar hopping or anything.

[Coffeetime]

I WISH it was more often, but usually it's a couple times a month.

 

I wouldn't mind going out like that once a week, especially in the summer.:D

 

We do socialize with friends most weekends- BBQ's, dinners, drinks at one house or the other, swimming etc.

[AlmiraGulch]

Once a week, at minimum but that's for dinner without kids. With friends and no kids? Depends on the time of year. From mid-May to late October, almost every other Saturday (unless the weather is bad or we're out of town), for music & wine on the grounds of a local winery, usually with other couples. 3-4 times a year, we head to the symphony. Adult "parties".... depends on the season. Sometimes with kids, sometimes just the two of us. To a bar? Never, just not into that, but we do drink socially, just not in that setting.

 

See.....this seems reasonable to me, for us. We're probably more social and spend more time out than a lot of people, and with my husband being a musician, again.....bars are where the bands are (or outdoor venues, or festivals and things, but mostly bars). And yes, we drink, but we're not going out for that sole purpose.

 

At any rate, we need to come to an agreement of some sort. I don't want him to feel deprived, and I don't want to feel....I don't know.....coerced.

[Desert Strawberry]

Never. We don't use babysitters. We bring them along, go out alone, or have our dates at home.

[Dustybug]

Never. We only get to even go out to dinner alone maybe twice a year.

[QueenCat]

See.....this seems reasonable to me, for us. We're probably more social and spend more time out than a lot of people, and with my husband being a musician, again.....bars are where the bands are (or outdoor venues, or festivals and things, but mostly bars). And yes, we drink, but we're not going out for that sole purpose.

 

At any rate, we need to come to an agreement of some sort. I don't want him to feel deprived, and I don't want to feel....I don't know.....coerced.

 

Both of us are very social.... but I'm more so, but I meet those needs through book club, "girls nights" for dinner, meeting friends for lunch, and other similar things.

[Mom22ns]

Never.

 

Frankly, neither of us would be interested in the type of dates you describe. We go out to dinner now and then now that the kids are older. We also go mountain biking together without kids sometimes too.

 

We never used babysitters, ever. Ds had food allergies and was autistic spectrum. I really didn't trust anyone with him and besides we weren't trying to get away from our kids.

[Melissa in Australia]

I mean you and your significant other. And I mean out somewhere other than to dinner or a movie. So, to listen to music, or hang out with friends, or to a bar for a cocktail, or something like that.

 

So anyway....back to the original question.......how often do you and yours go out?

 

 

Never

[nmoira]

By your definition, one or twice per year; however, given our drothers, we would choose dinner and/or a movie to most other activities "out."

[Jean in Newcastle]

Never, but like Momto2Ns said, it's because those kinds of dates don't appeal to us. We like to go out to dinner (but usually with the kids :lol:), go on walks, see friends but with the kids. We go to a movie about twice a year. We don't have the money for a show, though that would be a nice "once or twice in a lifetime" splurge. I haven't entered a bar since quitting alcohol 30 years ago.

[Plucky]

Not much if those are the parameters for going out. LOL We try to go to lunch alone together weekly but that ends up being every 2-3 wks. Dh wants to go out more than I so he will go out with friends to a sports bar and watch the game and shoot pool or darts once in a blue moon. In fact he has a poker/golf wkend he was invited to but the kids have a performance that weekend. I think I'm going to encourage him to go and he can watch the recording when he gets back. We both sacrifice so much for our kids and I trust him implicitly. He may drink too much but that is the worst he does when he is with friends.

[elegantlion]

Never. We did when we were younger and childless. We'd go to a bar with friends at least once a week. But now we're old and broke. Dh doesn't drink and loud music bothers me, although I love music.

[Coffeetime]

Never.

 

Frankly, neither of us would be interested in the type of dates you describe. We go out to dinner now and then now that the kids are older. We also go mountain biking together without kids sometimes too.

 

We never used babysitters, ever. Ds had food allergies and was autistic spectrum. I really didn't trust anyone with him and besides we weren't trying to get away from our kids.

:lol: I must be a horrible parent, because I often try to get away from my kids! :lol:

[BakersDozen]

My dh and I go out once/week consistently - of course our "dates" involve a Costco run or whatever errands we need to get done. :D

 

I do not like being away from home/kids. I grew up babysitting for couples who were out 3-4 times/week and it never sat right with me that precious evening hours found their dc with a babysitter rather than mom and dad. So for me, I want to spend my time with my dc rather than being out (not that I am against being out with my dh!). I really love the down time spent with the dc every evening and have come to cherish and jealously guard the time when the "littles" are in bed and we sit with our older ones and chat.

 

ETA: We do not use babysitters so date/errand nights only happen once/week as I do not want my older dc to feel like they are always babysitting their siblings.

Edited July 15, 2012 by LuvnMySvn

[Joani]

Probably once a month?

 

We have a weekly "date night" that can either be on either Friday or Saturday. If there's a party or a concert or something on Friday or Saturday that we want to go to, we will. If not, we'll go to dinner.

[Plucky]

:lol: I must be a horrible parent, because I often try to get away from my kids! :lol:

 

Me, too (still love them). I have dh take them away though. :D

[justLisa]

I REALLY like my DH. We have a date night every Friday, but we stay home and eat pierogi and have the house aaaall to ourselves :D My dear parents. I don't care what's wrong with them, they host a sleepover for the kids every friday and they all love it!

[Dory]

Me and my dh go out without kids 2-3 times a year. Maybe. Last year we went out once. As a family we go on a major outing at least once a month and he watches the kids while I get out about 1-2 evenings a month.

 

Also we NEVER have date nights in the winter.

[besroma]

We did that kind of thing before we were married, but not at all since. We have been to dinner alone a few times.....like twice in the last four years?

 

We try to have a special dinner out and a night away on our anniversary, but it does not always work out (three times in eleven years).

 

We have five children in our home, ages 1 to 10, and no parents living nearby.

 

We really enjoy being home as a family, and do not regret our decisions. DH and I are very close, and would enjoy evenings like you are describing, but we always choose being home or going somewhere *with* our children.

Edited July 15, 2012 by besroma

[Carrie12345]

Sigh.

We spent an evening in Manhattan... oh, In January, 200...9?

 

We don't have acceptable child care. Or much spare cash, lol.

[Liz CA]

We go to Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, the river, etc but not really bars. We try to have a date once a week - that can be as simple as a Frap at Starbucks. Some weeks are more hectic than others, some weeks it works.

[DawnM]

Extremely rarely.....we go out as a family. We go to parties and activities as a family. I sometimes go out with my girlfriends. He goes golfing with his buddies.

 

I think the two of us without kids has been a handful of times since we had kids. We just don't do it....and it isn't because we can't.

[Spock]

The only "dates" my husband and I go on consist of him inviting me to go with him to Lowes, Home Depot, the doctor's office or other errands. Usually we will stop by Chick-Fil-A or Waffle House while we are out. Once he took me to Olive Garden while we were out. This is when my older son is home to watch the younger two.

 

He goes out by himself once or twice a week to church music practice (he plays bass for church, and also plays guitar). Beyond that, we go to church on Sundays, he goes to work nearly every day, and the children and I go to lunch and the library with my mother once a week.

 

I have read/heard many authors and speakers suggest a weekly or monthly date night for couples, but that doesn't work well for us.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

1-2 times per year. If that.

[QueenCat]

we weren't trying to get away from our kids.

 

Having adult time isn't necessarily about not wanting to be around your kids. It's about enjoying the live music in the cool evening breeze, or the adult conversation. I LOVE my kids dearly, and enjoy being with them. My kids are older, which eliminates the need for a sitter. We went out less often, or they were included more, when they were younger. Often, they have their own plans, which is normal at their age. Thankfully, even the one with mild autism can manage on his own if older brother is out.

[lllll]

.

Edited July 18, 2012 by ksva

[Blessedmomof4:)]

Lets see... we usually get out once a month or every other month:tongue_smilie: I certainly wish it were more but obviously we have other priorities so we spend alot of time together after the kids are in bed playing skip bo:)

[tabrizia]

Our last non movie, non restaurant date was last August to see Wicked at the theatre, so almost a year ago. We go out together when my parents visit, when we visit my parents and very very rarely when my in-laws can watch the 3 for a few hours. If we go out together on any kind of date, and that includes a movie or dinner, more then once every 3 months I would be shocked.

[PeacefulChaos]

Easy, we don't. :)

[MamaT]

We go out without kids about once a month on average. Sometimes we don't go out for a couple of months, and every now and then we'll get dinner out twice in one week. It just depends on what's going on. It's much easier once you don't have to get a sitter.

[amyinva]

I'm curious, why do dinner and/or movie not count?

[MamaT]

I'm curious, why do dinner and/or movie not count?

 

I somehow missed that part. I change my answer to never. :001_smile:

[QueenCat]

We're usually fast asleep by 9-10pm, and up between 4-7am.

 

LOL... We do go out quite a bit..... but are usually home by 10, unless we're at the occasional symphony or something like that, and heading to bed not too long after. Going out is definitely not just for the night owls:001_smile:.

[QueenCat]

I'm curious, why do dinner and/or movie not count?

 

I don't know... but I included dinners in my answer... I think... we rarely go to the movies (would rather watch at home & be able to pause when necessary).

[Joker]

Dh and I get out together often, but it's mostly for lunch and running errands. We enjoy that time though. Outside of that it's dinner and a movie. It's never to a bar, or late night festival or concert. We don't leave dds home that late alone and have no sitter. If the concert or festival is during the day/afternoon we always take dds because they enjoy it as well.