Which denominations DON'T do children's church??

[Dmmetler]

I'm searching for a new church, given DD's problems with being the ONE child in her former Sunday School class (and close to the only one in the church) who didn't attend the parochial school and her resulting feelings of exclusion from the group.

 

And I keep running into the fact that churches want my 7 yr old, who has been sitting through the full church service since she was 3, without issue, and who is quite good at taking sermon notes and following along, to go into some other room and do something watered down-sometimes a few songs, crafts and a mediocre lesson, sometimes just playing. All at a level that I'd consider acceptable, maybe, for a preschooler.

 

If I DON'T let DD go, she feels put upon and abused (especially since I've been trying churches where she has friends who attend already)-but if I let her go, I feel that she's not learning anything except maybe that church is a place to play.

 

So-what denominations are

 

1) Liturgical

2) Are supportive of homeschooling and varied educational choices

3) Fairly conservative

4) Do NOT separate children from adults during the church service

5) Have strong religious education programs for children and adults.

 

I do NOT like huge mega-churches, and DD's sensory issues make any church that uses a lot of drums, guitars, and loud music physically painful to her.

 

I was quite happy as a LCMS Lutheran until DD was obviously so miserable.

[justasque]

Catholic is the obvious choice.

 

Quaker, except for the liturgical part.

[AimeeM]

Catholic fits all of your criteria really.

[SkateLeft]

Catholic is the obvious choice.

 

:iagree:

[Terabith]

The children's chapel/ no children's chapel thing is generally not a denominational thing but varies from congregation to congregation. Sorry that isn't more helpful. :-(

[Teachaheart]

Orthodox Presbyterian. Most are not quite as liturgical as an LCMS congregation, but there is a definite and intentionally structured order of worship.

[Jan in SC]

Are there not other LCMS congregations in your area?

[Natalieclare]

Household of Faith

[Carol in Cal.]

Confessional type Lutheran--WELS or LCMS, you have to check church by church.

[Ali in OR]

I was going to suggest LCMS! :-)

 

As far as children's church goes, smaller churches may not have enough kids to do that kind of thing--think small.

[JaneP]

:grouphug: and prayers as you search. It is so emotionally hard when our dc aren't happy at church.

[milovany]

The Eastern Orthodox church fits your criteria. This is one of the things over which, when we converted, we sighed a big sigh of relief. Everyone stays in Liturgy for the most part. The kids -- everyone -- needs to be there. Some parishes have kids go out for a very brief children's service either after the Eucharist is served near the end of the service, or after the liturgy ends altogether, but not all of them do this and I can't imagine it would ever be required. See if your little one likes this kind of music. It's the style you'd find in an Orthodox service, for the most part (there are some regional differences).

Edited March 23, 2012 by milovaný

[aggieamy]

Sounds like Catholic would be a perfect fit.

[mommaduck]

Orthodox or Catholic.

[Dmmetler]

There aren't many Lutheran churches here,and most are ECLA. Both the LCMS churches that I know of have parochial schools, so I'm unwilling to drive 30+ minutes to get to the other one given what DD's dealt with in the nearby one. If we were farther north, where there seems to be a Lutheran church on every corner (I remember being surprised at just how many there were in Chicago :) ) it would be different.

 

I believe we have a Greek Orthodox church fairly close. I'm not sure on Catholic-again, a lot of the churches seem to have parochial schools, and I know that one Catholic friend in my homeschool group has had similar issues with her girls since pulling them from parochial school to homeschool, because, again, they're now outside a lot of the social conversations at church.

 

It seems like most of the homeschoolers I know around here either attend Baptist, Evangelical/Non-denominational, or Unitarian churches, and I can't see myself ever being comfortable in any of those settings as a church home.

[KnitWit]

Sent you a pm :)

[Charmaine]

Being LCMS, I am a bit biased, but I'd try for a different Lutheran congregation. We drive past several on Sunday mornings to get to our congregation of choice. We're the only homeschoolers there, but there is no parochial school. The kids fit in fine, even at confirmation age. I even had several adult volunteers come help judge our homeschool speech tournament. As a life-long Lutheran who attended Lutheran grade school, I tend to seek out churches without an attached grade school.

 

I noticed you are in Memphis? I went online and see that both Messiah and Trinity (there in Memphis) have no parochial school and seem liturgical.

 

There is also a WELS church (pretty similar to LCMS) there in Memphis called Gloria Dei if neither of the above work out for you.

 

If you decide to switch churches but stay within the LCMS, there is a yahoo group called LCMShomeschool you can join. It helps those of us from congregations without other homeschoolers connect. There is actually a gathering in Kansas City called "You are Not Alone" this summer. Maybe it would help your daughter to connect with other Lutheran homeschoolers as well, even if your new church is friendly? Or maybe she could find a penpal or two from the group.

[musicianmom]

not helpful after all, sorry

Edited March 23, 2012 by musicianmom

[Whereneverever]

There aren't many Lutheran churches here,and most are ECLA. Both the LCMS churches that I know of have parochial schools, so I'm unwilling to drive 30+ minutes to get to the other one given what DD's dealt with in the nearby one. If we were farther north, where there seems to be a Lutheran church on every corner (I remember being surprised at just how many there were in Chicago :) ) it would be different.

 

I believe we have a Greek Orthodox church fairly close. I'm not sure on Catholic-again, a lot of the churches seem to have parochial schools, and I know that one Catholic friend in my homeschool group has had similar issues with her girls since pulling them from parochial school to homeschool, because, again, they're now outside a lot of the social conversations at church.

 

It seems like most of the homeschoolers I know around here either attend Baptist, Evangelical/Non-denominational, or Unitarian churches, and I can't see myself ever being comfortable in any of those settings as a church home.

 

According to the LCMS locator there are seven LCMS churches in Memphis.

 

http://locator.lcms.org/nchurches_frm/c_summary.asp

 

There is also Wisonsin Synod, which would be similar doctrinally, as well.

[Whereneverever]

Being LCMS, I am a bit biased, but I'd try for a different Lutheran congregation. We drive past several on Sunday mornings to get to our congregation of choice. We're the only homeschoolers there, but there is no parochial school. The kids fit in fine, even at confirmation age. I even had several adult volunteers come help judge our homeschool speech tournament. As a life-long Lutheran who attended Lutheran grade school, I tend to seek out churches without an attached grade school.

 

I noticed you are in Memphis? I went online and see that both Messiah and Trinity (there in Memphis) have no parochial school and seem liturgical.

 

There is also a WELS church (pretty similar to LCMS) there in Memphis called Gloria Dei if neither of the above work out for you.

 

If you decide to switch churches but stay within the LCMS, there is a yahoo group called LCMShomeschool you can join. It helps those of us from congregations without other homeschoolers connect. There is actually a gathering in Kansas City called "You are Not Alone" this summer. Maybe it would help your daughter to connect with other Lutheran homeschoolers as well, even if your new church is friendly? Or maybe she could find a penpal or two from the group.

 

Hey, don't forget the Martin loopers!

[Starr]

Smaller churches often don't have as much programming. They tend to be more intergenerational.

[ZooRho]

Most Methodist Churches don't do Children's church if they do it was a preference and usually for the 6 and under crowd only during the sermon.

[chiguirre]

I believe we have a Greek Orthodox church fairly close. I'm not sure on Catholic-again, a lot of the churches seem to have parochial schools, and I know that one Catholic friend in my homeschool group has had similar issues with her girls since pulling them from parochial school to homeschool, because, again, they're now outside a lot of the social conversations at church.

 

Kids who go to Catholic school don't attend religious formation classes (CCE). Those classes are for kids in ps, non-religious private school or homeschool (sometimes they'll accept hs religious ed, but usually they don't). You might run into cliques from ps, but if the parish is large enough you probably won't because it will draw from a lot of different schools. There's no socializing during mass and around here parishes have too many masses to have coffee hours, they need to clear the parking lot before the next bunch arrives.

[QueenCat]

The children's chapel/ no children's chapel thing is generally not a denominational thing but varies from congregation to congregation. Sorry that isn't more helpful. :-(

 

:iagree:We always go to United Methodist churches. Some have childrens church, some do not. But children's church is only during the sermon, not the whole service. At our church, it is not like Sunday School. It is more sermon like but at a younger level, and they sing some too. I've led it before, and found it to reach most of the kids there. I think it goes up to 3rd grade but I don't remember. And they are not required to go. Not all do, several stay in the service. Definitely a choice to go or not.

Edited March 23, 2012 by CathieC

[ktgrok]

Episcopal, or Anglican if you want more conservative, have the children in at least the majority of the service. Often they do go to something else during the sermon, but not always, and my kids never do. Then they all return for the second part of the service.

 

Otherwise try Orthodox for sure.

[mommaduck]

 

I believe we have a Greek Orthodox church fairly close.

Parochial schools seem to be a rarity in the EO. However, there are usually plenty of social community, particularly in the Greek parishes (this is the jurisdiction I am most familiar with). In parishes you may find a mix of public, private, and homeschool families. You may be the minority for homeschooling, but my kids have never felt left out like they did at other churches (other denominations). They are very involved in HOPE/JOY/GOYA (youth groups, but not like what I've seen in the past), Greek School (learning modern Greek one night a week), helping with Bazaar (Greek fest), Greek Dance, Choir, retreats, helping a couple of weekends a year at one of the monasteries, etc.

[Whereneverever]

Op, are you looking to change theology? Most of these suggestions are going to be really different then Lutheranism.

[Mama Geek]

I'm searching for a new church, given DD's problems with being the ONE child in her former Sunday School class (and close to the only one in the church) who didn't attend the parochial school and her resulting feelings of exclusion from the group.

 

And I keep running into the fact that churches want my 7 yr old, who has been sitting through the full church service since she was 3, without issue, and who is quite good at taking sermon notes and following along, to go into some other room and do something watered down-sometimes a few songs, crafts and a mediocre lesson, sometimes just playing. All at a level that I'd consider acceptable, maybe, for a preschooler.

 

If I DON'T let DD go, she feels put upon and abused (especially since I've been trying churches where she has friends who attend already)-but if I let her go, I feel that she's not learning anything except maybe that church is a place to play.

 

So-what denominations are

 

1) Liturgical

2) Are supportive of homeschooling and varied educational choices

3) Fairly conservative

4) Do NOT separate children from adults during the church service

5) Have strong religious education programs for children and adults.

 

I do NOT like huge mega-churches, and DD's sensory issues make any church that uses a lot of drums, guitars, and loud music physically painful to her.

 

I was quite happy as a LCMS Lutheran until DD was obviously so miserable.

 

I have been to several LCMS churches in different locations and it really does just depend on the church.

[JenniferB]

 

So-what denominations are

 

1) Liturgical

2) Are supportive of homeschooling and varied educational choices

3) Fairly conservative

4) Do NOT separate children from adults during the church service

5) Have strong religious education programs for children and adults.

 

I do NOT like huge mega-churches, and DD's sensory issues make any church that uses a lot of drums, guitars, and loud music physically painful.

 

Definately OCA, Orthodox Church of America on all points. The services are about worship & communion. Adults & children together, without question. No instruments, just the many beautiful voices of the choir & congregation. Lots of homeschoolers in my parish, but also some who Ps & pvs. Conservative on the essentials, and room for many political stances. Totally liturgical.

 

Here's their website http://oca.org/

[Chris in VA]

Episcopal, or Anglican if you want more conservative, have the children in at least the majority of the service. Often they do go to something else during the sermon, but not always, and my kids never do. Then they all return for the second part of the service.

 

Otherwise try Orthodox for sure.

 

:iagree:

 

It varies by congregation, as does the level of conservativism, but most Episcopal churches offer a children's church service that is over at the Offeratory, which means they are gone for the sermon, but back for Eucharist. By 7yo, many expect the children to attend the whole service (so Children's Church is really for kids too big for the nursery but maybe a little small to be expected to sit for the first part of the service). Most would never have a problem with a child sitting in the whole service, even if they were wiggly or talky. You can definitely call and ask.

 

A segment of the Lutheran church and the Episcopal church are in communion with each other. The theology isn't very different, and the liturgy is close, too.

[JudoMom]

There aren't many Lutheran churches here,and most are ECLA. Both the LCMS churches that I know of have parochial schools, so I'm unwilling to drive 30+ minutes to get to the other one given what DD's dealt with in the nearby one. If we were farther north, where there seems to be a Lutheran church on every corner (I remember being surprised at just how many there were in Chicago :) ) it would be different.

 

I believe we have a Greek Orthodox church fairly close. I'm not sure on Catholic-again, a lot of the churches seem to have parochial schools, and I know that one Catholic friend in my homeschool group has had similar issues with her girls since pulling them from parochial school to homeschool, because, again, they're now outside a lot of the social conversations at church.

 

It seems like most of the homeschoolers I know around here either attend Baptist, Evangelical/Non-denominational, or Unitarian churches, and I can't see myself ever being comfortable in any of those settings as a church home.

 

Just visiting churches would be the best bet. When we left our previous church, we visited 21 churches before we decided on our current church (since we'd been at our previous church for over 14 years, we decided to take our time). Anyway, the boys stayed with us in all of the services. There was definitely more pressure in some individual churches to send them to a children's activity, and we crossed those off our list of possibilities. But it really varied from church to church, even within the same denomination.

 

When I lived in Memphis, I attended Independent Presbyterian Church on Walnut Grove. I was single and a new believer at the time, but the service was beautiful and the church was beautiful and everyone was so friendly. That was 16 years ago, though.

[Dmmetler]

I'm liking the sound of visiting an Orthodox church-both because it's close (I KNOW from experience that being part of a church that's too far from home tends to make participation less common) and because I think it will appeal to DD, who loves classical languages and ritual and is fascinated by that sort of thing (this is a child who, when I had a conference at a Catholic college, spent most of the week talking to the nuns, especially the older sisters who still wore the traditional habit, and came home being able to say sections of the mass in Latin). I especially think she'd love learning modern Greek, as much as she's enjoyed exploring Koine and Attic Greek and being with other kids who are learning a language with her. If it's doctrinally a good fit for me, that may work well.

 

This is Memphis-if you throw a ball randomly, you'll hit a church, so finding one shouldn't be hard, right?

[love2read]

Catholic. The adult studies vary from church to church, but you can go to any even if you aren't Catholic. Right now our pastor is leading a study of the Jewish roots of the liturgy. Amazing and heavily scriptural.

[milovany]

I'm liking the sound of visiting an Orthodox church .... this is Memphis-if you throw a ball randomly, you'll hit a church, so finding one shouldn't be hard, right?

 

We love the Orthodox church. You can look at options in Memphis here. I took a peek and the Greek church is named Annunciation Church, which means their feast day will be Sunday (which is the Feast of the Annunciation) and it's also apparently Greek Independence Day, so it could be a BIG day for them. Don't know if that would be preferable or not preferable in your situation when it comes to visiting. There are two other options as well. We attend an Antiochian parish (one of your options) and there's also an OCA parish (Patty Joanna and JenniferB both attend OCA).

 

Best to you!

[ktgrok]

I'm liking the sound of visiting an Orthodox church-both because it's close (I KNOW from experience that being part of a church that's too far from home tends to make participation less common) and because I think it will appeal to DD, who loves classical languages and ritual and is fascinated by that sort of thing (this is a child who, when I had a conference at a Catholic college, spent most of the week talking to the nuns, especially the older sisters who still wore the traditional habit, and came home being able to say sections of the mass in Latin). I especially think she'd love learning modern Greek, as much as she's enjoyed exploring Koine and Attic Greek and being with other kids who are learning a language with her. If it's doctrinally a good fit for me, that may work well.

 

This is Memphis-if you throw a ball randomly, you'll hit a church, so finding one shouldn't be hard, right?

What doctrinal questions do you have? I'm sure the ladies here can answer, and I can probably help. I studied the orthodox church for a long time, but for family reasons and cultural reasons never joined. But I agree with the Orthodox that it is probably the original church, or the closest thing to it. I find their theology beautiful.

[Tarreymere]

I'm having the same problem. In fact, I had expressed my concerns to the RE director at our church and just this morning received her reply that the church had paid several hundred dollars for the curriculum they were using and had no intentions of changing it, and that in fact it was designed for teaching ages three through middle school :confused:

 

Well, the RE program at our church is very small, and it is about to be a few kids smaller.......

 

Good luck in your search. :grouphug:

[magnificent_baby]

I would suggest trying a different LCMS congregation. Of the 3 LCMS churches we have belonged to, only 1 of them (our current church) has kid's church during the adult service. They rest had Sunday School at a separate time. She may not feel that she is missing out on anything, if the children's activities are not during adult worship service. None of those 3 ever discouraged children in the adult worship service. Our kid's church program is wonderful, and the retention is impressive. We even sell our own curriculum. :D

 

Another suggestion is to become involved in Sunday School. Perhaps it is not as watered down as it seems. Or if it is, make suggestions for a new curriculum. At one of our old churches, there was such a need for volunteers, they were willing to take any new help especially for someone to take over the burnt out director's position.

 

Could she attend a Sunday School class a grade or two above her own?

 

If I were in your shoes, I would research other congregations before changing denominations. Some of the suggestions are similar to LCMS, but others have very big differences.

 

I hope you figure something out that brings peace to both of you. :grouphug:

[JenniferB]

I'm liking the sound of visiting an Orthodox church...If it's doctrinally a good fit for me, that may work well.

 

You are welcome to join our social group here on TWTMF. It's a hoppin group most of the time, lots of questions, discussions, musings, experiences are shared. It's a little quieter now during Lent, but it will most likely pick up again after Pascha (Easter.)

 

Here's a link: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/group.php?groupid=112

[Bluegoat]

I'm liking the sound of visiting an Orthodox church-both because it's close (I KNOW from experience that being part of a church that's too far from home tends to make participation less common) and because I think it will appeal to DD, who loves classical languages and ritual and is fascinated by that sort of thing (this is a child who, when I had a conference at a Catholic college, spent most of the week talking to the nuns, especially the older sisters who still wore the traditional habit, and came home being able to say sections of the mass in Latin). I especially think she'd love learning modern Greek, as much as she's enjoyed exploring Koine and Attic Greek and being with other kids who are learning a language with her. If it's doctrinally a good fit for me, that may work well.

 

This is Memphis-if you throw a ball randomly, you'll hit a church, so finding one shouldn't be hard, right?

 

One thing about the OC is that you can't really treat it like a denomination. If you join, you are pretty much saying they are The Church, and you won't be able to go to other churches in the same way you would as a Protestant. It's a bit of a bigger decision, IMO, than deciding which parish to go to in your town that has an educational approach you like.

[ktgrok]

One thing about the OC is that you can't really treat it like a denomination. If you join, you are pretty much saying they are The Church, and you won't be able to go to other churches in the same way you would as a Protestant. It's a bit of a bigger decision, IMO, than deciding which parish to go to in your town that has an educational approach you like.

 

Only if you actually join. You are certainly welcome to attend without being Orthodox. I know when I've attended I've always felt very welcome indeed, despite my protestant background.

[besroma]

Others are Reformed Presbyterian (RPCUS and RPCNA). Some Orthodox Presbyterian churches are reformed and would have what you are looking for.

[milovany]

Only if you actually join. You are certainly welcome to attend without being Orthodox. I know when I've attended I've always felt very welcome indeed, despite my protestant background.

 

:iagree: In my (albeit brief) experience, no one is ever, ever pushed to join. Anyone is welcome to come for services.

[Crimson Wife]

Traditional Anglican? There appears to be a church in Farragut, TN.

 

Catholic or Orthodox would be pretty different theologically from a Lutheran church.

[KungFuPanda]

I agree with Catholic. Mass is separate from religious ed. It's only an hour so most kids can sit through it anyway. Rel. Ed. is a whole separate program and the parochial schooled kids get that during their school day and won't attend these classes. Our parish even has a home study version of religious Ed that only meets in the classroom 4-5 times a year.

[CalicoKat]

Luthern, Missouri Synod.

[mom2abcd]

If I were you, I would take the challenge and visit all the LCMS churches in your area. It takes time to connect with people, but by visiting you could get basic info on how they do things. Each LCMS congregation is unique. You are happy with the doctrine there which is the most important thing anyway. ;)

 

It could be fun! Interesting, too, no doubt:o)

 

lcms.org

[happypamama]

Possibly Christian and Missionary Alliance (cmalliance.org, I think). It's going to depend on the individual church, though; some do children's church, and some don't, and some use all traditional music, and some use more contemporary stuff.

 

ETA: I missed the part about liturgical in the OP, so that would probably disqualify the CMA.

Edited April 9, 2012 by happypamama

[imagine.more]

ELCA Lutheran churches tend not to have parochial schools and are usually pro-kids in worship. I'm having to convince my husband of the need for a nursery for the 1-3 year olds in his current church even. All the Lutheran churches we've attended have been very supportive of kids in worship. Not super supportive of homeschooling but not opposed either, most are just more accustomed to public school and following the trend. ELCA churches tend to be slightly bigger than LCMS from what I've seen, though that would differ depending on where you are of course, and they are fairly liturgical. Some, like my DH's keep things almost identical to a Catholic Mass, but others are more liberal.

 

Catholics of course are pro-kids in worship and tend to be very supportive of homeschooling. But that'd be a big leap from LCMS :)

[ScoutTN]

This is not a matter that our denomination decides. Particular churches do what suits their needs and what they think best honors God.

 

We belong to a PCA church which fits your description, except in the size. We have 2000 or so members. Our senior pastor has a strong theological objections to children's church and the church teaches parents why it is important for their children to be in worship. Childcare with some structured playtime, but no teaching is available during worship for toddlers - 5 yo PreK.

 

Come visit if you are ever in Nashville!

[ScoutTN]

Some Orthodox Presbyterian churches are reformed and would have what you are looking for.

 

The OPC (Orthodox Presbyterian Church) is by definition Reformed. I think almost all OPC churches would fit your description very well.