Are you close to your neighbors?

[Kate in Arabia]

Talking to my parents yesterday I heard that our next door neighbor is in the hospital and dying -- she is 88, her husband is 92. My parents have lived in the same house since I was 3, so about 40 years, and these neighbors were already living next door when we moved in (it was a developing neighborhood back then). So 40-ish years of being next door neighbors, one really feels a connection even though they aren't relatives, kwim? I mean, we didn't cross over into attending each others' family functions, but still they were people you'd see pretty much every day coming or going, or out walking around; there'd be the daily small talk, etc. As the years went on my parents started looking out for them more as they are a bit older.

 

I was wondering whether this kind of relationship is still common -- where you basically have neighbors for life? It isn't for me, we seem to move every 3-5 years, but there's something to be said for the kind of close community I grew up in. And I'm sad that my neighbors won't be there when we visit this summer (I don't think the husband will be able to live on his own in that house), it will feel quite strange.

 

I've read about the influence of tv/computers on local neighborhoods -- where you used to sit out on the porch in the evenings and interact with your neighbors and how that isn't happening as much anymore. Does it happen with you? I visit with my neighbors here on occasion, but certainly not with the regularity and frequency we did while I was growing up.

[LucyStoner]

Not really. We have lived here almost 5 years and had the same physically close neighbors much of that time (townhouse development) and we are not close to any of them. I have had 2 of them over for dessert and I chat with one when we see each other. Pretty much all that goes on is hellos. I attribute most of this to the fact that we are the only ones with kids and that makes for very different lives and schedules. Most of them are double-income-no-kids-yet young couples and are really not often home at night or on the weekends. For example, one spends all his free time camping and climbing and such. One couple spends all their free time at her parents house. Another is a single guy and spends most of his time with his girlfriend or working long hours. I don't think it is tv and the internet as like I said, many of them are gone a lot. Also, we certainly spend a lot of time socializing face to face with people, just not the people that are our neighbors. Mainly people we have known for years or have met and share a lot in common with. We are just at a different place in life so it is hard to connect with people that we otherwise would not know/seek out. We all have tried to be friendly at different times- we have been invited to parties and such and we have invited people here but the schedules don't often line up. We take in packages for each other but honestly for at least a few of them I would have to think hard to remember their names. Which is kinda sad in a way.

Edited February 28, 2012 by kijipt

[Parrothead]

Generally when I have neighbors, I know my neighbors well enough to spend a few minutes catching up now and then. But like you we move often. So I probably won't have that longstanding neighborly relationship your parents seem to have.

[Lisbeth]

We've been here 7 yrs...we know most our neighbors but don't socialize with them.

[KristenR]

We've been moving about once every two years. There is no close connection to any of my neighbors aside from "hellos, and how do you dos" from the driveway.

[amy g.]

Before removed here, I lived next door to my best friend. We do attend each others family functions, have keys to each others houses and cars. I'm closer to her than I am to my sister.

 

We have one set of close neighbors here. They are the kind of people you can count on for a favor if you need one. Dd takes care of their animals when they go out of town, so they adore her.

 

We have some other neighbors that we wave to, but who work all of the time, so we are not as close to.

 

Dh's mom has lived in the same house for 50 years. Her neighbors are family. When one of them died, Dh took off work and went to another state for the funeral, but I don't think close relationships like that as as common anymore.

[JMDRAD]

We've lived in our house for 7 years. I know our neighbors and we are very friendly with them but there's only one that I would say that we are "close" to. I know I can call her anytime if I need help. We all came down with the really bad colds and stomach flues a couple weeks ago and she helped me out with getting the dog to the vet and running errands. Most of my friends and family live at least 20 min. or so away from me but I would trust this lady with my kids if we had an emergency or something.

[Jane in NC]

Neighbors for life? Well no. But good relationships with neighbors? Yes.

 

When my son was younger, there were several couples in the neighborhood who would share a babysitter, buy the kids pizza, and go out for dinner at a nice restaurant. It was such a pleasure to have friends on the street. But situations change over time. Some people move, others divorce.

 

But we keep close ties to neighbors. Maybe we are just lucky to have really nice people living nearby? Except for that really strange guy down the street. Despite living here for several years, he does not acknowledge our existence. The people who live next to him have had to construct a fence because Strange Guy's stuff (junk) was bleeding into their yard.

[MrsJewelsRae]

We live in the country in a farming community so your neighbors usually stick around for quite a while. We moved into our house 4 years ago and the man who lived here previously was 90 and built the house to raise his family in 60+ yrs ago. We are close with our neighbors, we often drop in at each others hiuses for coffee and chit chat. My closest neighbor who lives about half a km away is a farmer and they bring us fresh produce frequently through harvest, they are do sweet! When the wife fell down the stairs and broke both ankles we were there regularly, bringing her muffins and cookies, books, movies and magazines. What's really neat is that this neighbor is super supportive of homeschooling, 2 of her children homeschool her grandchildren, one lives around the corner and is in our homeschool group, the other in the remote mountains of chile I believe, who are missionaries. I think friendships with neighbors in small towns are easier to make and keep as they tend to move around a bit less, I say this from experience, having been raised in a huge city if several million people. But it alsi depends on the person/s.

[chepyl]

We were close to our neighbors growing up. The neighbors we have now....we wave at each other when we are outside at the same time. DH has had actual conversations with the hysband, my kids play with the daughter, but the wife....I feel like she avoids me. Maybe I am just paranoid.

[ThisIsTheDay]

It isn't for me, we seem to move every 3-5 years, but there's something to be said for the kind of close community I grew up in.

 

We have moved this often too. The exception was our first home, where we lived for ten years. The neighborhood was from the 1950s, and some of the people had lived there since the homes were built. We did have neighbors similar to how you describe. One couple would pull out their lawn chairs in the driveway every night in the summer, and we'd stop by with our little kids several nights a week. We moved more than ten years ago, but I am still in contact with another of the neighbors.

 

We've lived in many nicer homes since then, but that was the best neighborhood EVER. It is another wonderful sense of "community." I wish we had that now.

[Live2Ride]

My neighbor almost instantly became my best friend. She was quirky, but hey, so am I. We got along great...she passed away last September from cancer. I've been missing her a bunch lately. We used to ride together all the time. Now I have no one to ride with. We always had great conversations when out on our horses...I have ridden maybe twice a month since then...

[kewb]

We were closer with some of our neighbors when the kids were younger. Closer in the sense that all the kids were on the block playing and we were outside supervising. We would chat and talk about neighbor things. Dh and I tried to socialize with the neighbors. We used to throw a big Memorial Day Barbecue and we would invite all the neighbors. Some came, some did not. We were never invited to their homes for a barbecue. 2 of the couples got divorced a couple of years ago and the moms moved out. That really changed the texture of the block a lot.

 

As the kids grew it became obvious to dh and I that we really had nothing in common with our neighbors and we keep it to pleasantries. For certain, once we made the decision to homeschool we rarely saw the neighbors. Then 2 years ago we got our big and scarey dog (so not) and the neighbor kids are all afraid of him and they stopped ringing the bell to see if my kids could hang out when they were done with their homework. Seeing the writing on the wall I made sure my kids started socializing with friends with more frequency. Once they joined a swim team, well that consumes most of our time.

 

Long story longer, we exchange pleasantries, maybe spend a few minutes chatting if we see each other outside, and certainly bake cookies if anyone is in need. Truthfully, it makes me kind of sad. The block I grew up on was similar in terms of families with kids and we were all in and out of everyone's homes all the time. Not true here anymore.

[Heather in Neverland]

I have no idea who my neighbors are.

[Donna]

When I was growing up, we were close to our neighbors. The next door neighbor was the one who'd watch us when Mom needed someone and the one on the other side talked to us all the time when they were outside. There were also a group of 5 couples with kids around the same age on our street who got together at each others' homes so we kids could play and the parents would play cards or visit.

 

We were close to our neighbors in our old house. We got together with the neighbors on one side for birthday parties or talked out on the porch when the weather was nice or got the kids together to play. In the nice weather we talked to all the neighbors when everyone was outside.

 

We moved 2 years ago and we've met the neighbors but we don't socialize or anything. I tried to make friends with some of them and except for the couple behind us whose dogs we watch on occasion, we aren't really close to any of them. The girl on one side plays with dd when she has nothing better to do. I miss the closeness and feeling of community at our old house. Maybe it is because everyone is so busy. We do see everyone more when the weather warms.

[lailasmum]

Our neighbourhood is mixed. I still live in the same house I grew up in so know some of our elderly neighbours from when we were kids. Most of the neighbours we know casually but there is one couple, my immediate neighbours on the right, that I don't really like and avoid. There is another family on the street who are a bit paranoid and hard to get to know even though their kids and our kids play together and we should have a lot in common. They lived in London before moving here (quiet countryside) and are still in high alert mode.

 

Everyone seems to come out of their house, get in their car and forget they live among other people.

[chickenpatty]

Yes, we were blessed with a wonderful elderly couple next door. The husband passed away a few months ago & it was hard for my kids - they loved him. My oldest girls enjoy going over to the wife's house and sitting & chit-chatting with her.

 

We live out in the country, so we don't really have many other neighbors physically close by.

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[Mommyfaithe]

We are VERY close with our neighbors. Next door is dh's step-mom. We have been very close forever. Across the road, we have relatively new neighbors....5 years....and we have become very close. She is a librarian....who LOVES tontalk books! Those books fly back and forth across the street....lol! We are constantly sharing and passing them, then get together on the weekend, let the boys play ( she has 2 little guys a little younger than my boys), have coffee and talk book.

 

My other neighbors are always sweet, willing to lend an ear, grab our mail, feed our cats etc. I am so blessed to be in an area with so many loving, caring people.

 

I think it helps that the houses are spread out, we are in an area where most people live and let live, and we all stick to being as unobtrusive as possible.

 

Faithe

[BarbecueMom]

No, I don't know my neighbors at all, and we've lived here almost three years. They are all much older than us. Some of them wave in passing, but the people across the street go inside and hide from us when we go out. I don't think they like small children.

 

I told DH it would be nice to live somewhere with neighbors we could be friends with, and he looked horrified. He's very happy no one wants to talk to him here.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes, with those who let us be close to them. One neighbor has had Christmas with us, we've gone to dinner at their house and vice versa, we've cat and house sat. In fact, I'm taking care of their house for two years right now while they are out of the country. So we communicate by e-mail. Other neighbors aren't so close but we still know each other pretty well. There are a couple that I thought were rather cold toward us and I almost didn't take our usual Christmas cookies around to them but their response was so positive that I realized that maybe there was more neighborly feeling than I had thought!

[KatieJ]

Yes, we are. My parents were, and my DH parents were as well.

We send Christmas cards to neighbors from each of our homes we have lived in since we got married. If I had more time when I get back to MN to visit, I would personally be visiting many of them. Just don't have enough time and the Grandbabies are more important now. :001_smile:

[elise1mds]

We've been in our house almost 10 years. The folks from whom we bought the house had been here 28 years, so to this day, we still live in the "Fisher house." I'm sure it'll be the Fisher house long after we're gone (which will hopefully be this summer). We know one set of next-door neighbors by name, but I wouldn't know them if I ran into them at the store. The man on the other side rents, and I don't know him. The people across from us we know a little better but only because we've had run-ins with their ill-behaved dog. The single lady who lives diagonally from us, I've never met.

 

The list could go on. It's a peaceful neighborhood, and everyone minds their own business. I have no doubt that if someone saw a burglary in progress that they'd call the cops for me, and I'd do the same for them, but we don't go over to chat and I don't really know much about them.

 

Which is just fine with me.

[joannqn]

We talked with neighbors in our old neighborhood. One of the neighbors and I exchange short letters...probably 1 every other month. I moved a year ago.

 

Our current neighbors are all great but one is particularly wonderful. We just moved here October 29th. He has let me borrow his leaf blower, helped diagnose a leak and told me how to fix it, helped me clean up after our big storm, taken some of the storm debris to the dump in his pickup, and just came over to cut up the rest of the storm debris and take another load to the dump. He also let my kids play with his pinball machine in his garage. Since DH's car died, he has offered to let us borrow his van if/when we need it. I keep them supplied with occasional desserts; it feels so inadequate.

 

That neighbor and I helped another neighbor clear her driveway after the storm.

 

Another neighbor used his leaf blower to clear my driveway for me when we first moved in. We've also talked with him and his wife a few times.

 

Another neighbor still, brought us homemade treats when we first arrived and offered my rides if I need them once he found out DH's car had died.

 

I think we live in a good neighborhood. :D Now we just need kids to move in somewhere nearby.

Edited February 28, 2012 by joannqn

[Impish]

Nope. We have one neighbour that we attend their Christmas party, Wolf has golfed w/another, our landlords are a few places down, and I've chatted w/another mom occasionally...

 

But really, we're not close. Kinda a nodding relationship, if that makes sense.

[Ewe Mama]

Before we moved to the country we had a great relationship with our neighbors. I could trust them with our children in the event of an emergency. Out here, I don't even know anyone. I've tried to be friendly with the neighbors, taking extra eggs and inviting them over, but ....nothing. If we ever had a medical emergency that required a trip to the ER, it would be me and 5 kids in the ambulance because I don't know nor do I trust anyone out here. I miss my old neighbors.

[Ellie]

Not really. Some of the people where I live now have been here for 13 or 14 years (it's not a very old neighborhood), but on my specific street, none of us have much in common (such as children in school) other than living on the same street.

 

I'm thinking that the advent of central air made more of a difference than computers; I mean, who wants to go sit outside on the porch in the heat when you can sit inside where it's nice and cool? When we all sat outside on the porch hoping for a breeze, it was just natural for people to hang out together, KWIM?

[DawnM]

There are 24 houses in our neighborhood and we all have a min. of 2 acres, so we aren't close like in a regular sub-division. We chose to live here for privacy.

 

I know a couple of neighbors fairly well. One teen watches our dogs when we are out of town.

 

One we don't care for (makes comments about homeschooling, etc...)

 

Otherwise people keep to themselves, which is how we like it.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

to a few yes-we watch out for each other's house/pets when they/we are out of town....

[Rosie_0801]

I was wondering whether this kind of relationship is still common -- where you basically have neighbors for life?

 

We move too often, but my FIL died the other week and not just their current neighbours came to the funeral, but their children who'd grown up and moved away.

 

Rosie

[Jeannie in NJ]

we live in a summer resort town but the part we live in has a few year round neighbors. When we moved in 19 years ago, we were the "young couple" on the block and everyone else was retired. Several of them brought us cookies when we moved in and we always remained on good terms with them . Most of them have passed on. However, we do have a few good neighbors about our age that moved in around 15 or so years ago and we are friendly as in stopping to talk when we see each other and helping out in emergency situations. There are no other kids on our street except 3 years ago, a family with a boy exactly my son's age and a girls exactly dd's age moved in but they are about as opposite from friendly as can be and no interest in being friends with my dc.

 

We do have several neighbors that we will miss when we move.

[Spy Car]

Yes, we are very close with our neighbors. Some are so close we think of each other as extended family.

 

Bill

[PinkInTheBlue]

No, unfortunately not. Our neighborhood is friendly enough in that they all wave to each other passing in the street or if you are out in the yard. However, I don't really know any of them at all. I wish more neighborhoods were still that way.

 

When I was 12 - 14 we lived in a smallish neighborhood that was very social. A large amount of the houses had kids my age and/or my brother's age (4 - 6). We had neighborhood parties and neighbor's watched out for each other's kids and houses. It was GREAT!

[Heidi]

We're military. My current neighbor is my best friend. We have new people who move in over for dinner and at least get to know them a little bit and make sure their needs are met. It just takes a little effort on our part.

[dsmith]

Our neighbor is a part of the family, more so than some family members. We look out for each other, and do a lot for each other. My in-laws have lived here for 35 years, so they have been friends for a long time. When the father died it was like losing a family member. The son is in his seventies now, and we watch out for him, although he puts us to shame with the amount of work he can do. :001_smile: When he lost his job, dh got him a job with a client. He takes out our garbage if we forget, my mil does his laundry, etc. I help him file his unemployment online. We help each other with shoveling and other yard tasks. He is at our house every night watching TV with my in-laws, and eats dinner with us once a week at least.

[Laura Corin]

We are friends with our nearest neighbours - we go out for a drink with them about once a month and I am in the same book group as the woman. I live in a village of about 100 homes, and since becoming the postmistress have got to know quite a few families. I feel like we will have that kind of stable relationship with quite a few village families. We have invited two new couples and one pair of older residents over for drinks on Sunday.

 

Laura

[Daisy]

We are close to all of our neighbors. We've been here for 11+ years.

 

We exchange edible gifts on holidays, hang out in front yards talking, enjoy watching the college fireworks from our lawns, mow lawns for each other when needed, etc. The kids play together.

 

I'd say we are pretty close without being too close. We don't get all up in each others business but we know what is going on enough to be helpful when necessary.

 

We have a wide range of folks, some who have lived here their whole lives (older neighborhood) and younger families.

 

We really go out of our way to get to know our neighbors when they first move in.

[swellmomma]

I used to be in the city with the neighbors on each side. Now nope. I say a polite hello to the neighbors on one side when I see them. And on the other side 2 weeks ago new renters moved in( a group of teenagers), they have had 3 parties so far, banged on my livingroom window at midnight for fun apparently and harassed my dd12 while she was out shovelling. I am not impressed. There is a person at town office that is overseeing the place for the actual home owners, when I go to pay my water bill tomorrow I intend to be lodging a complaint. I didn't buy my house to live next door to a teenaged party house.

[nukeswife]

No, We've lived here for 4.5 years but in that time between the two houses that flank us we've had 8 sets of neighbors, each house has changed hands 4 times (they were both rentals for a while and just before this last change one was sold)

 

I've known them enough to wave at them or say "hi" when we're both outside, but that's it.