Cara in Ky Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Am I overreacting?? I just got a wedding invitation in the mail today. I barely know the person and the invitation reads "in lieu of gifts we are requesting cash to help pay off student loans". Is this normal because I am shocked Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Wow, that's tacky!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Extremely tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeetime Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 :blink: That seems incredibly tacky to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Tacky...but becoming more common as many couples are already established before getting married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkpan Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I know that others will chime in and say that it is a new "normal" and they are seeing similar types of invitations, BUT... I still think that it is incredibly tacky, rude and obnoxious. sorry, pet peeve :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ssavings Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Wow! Yes, tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Ick. Totally tacky. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Am I overreacting?? I just got a wedding invitation in the mail today. I barely know the person and the invitation reads "in lieu of gifts we are requesting cash to help pay off student loans". Is this normal because I am shocked Hmm, that's a new one to me. The one good thing I see about it, at least they are going to use the cash for something responsible like paying off their student loans. Not, say, splurging on their honeymoon... (that's a personal pet peeve of mine, and why I don't give money at weddings anymore ;) ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Whatever. I know it is tacky in a Ms. Manners sort of way but I don't care. I like knowing that the gift I send will be appreciated. Honestly, what is wrong with being open and honest about what kind of gift is needed? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Tacky. Never heard of such a thing. I would be tempted to give nothing. It is one thing if they actually use it for student loans. Another thing if they use it for something different. Too bad you couldn't just send money directly to where ever they owe the loan from. However, I will say that we normally give cash anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Huh. I'm totally used to cash weddings (it's a cultural norm for us and our heritage) but that one has left a bad taste in my mouth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I wonder how long it will be before folks just sell tickets to their wedding? Tacky as all get out, but wouldn't it be easier all around? I hope this is in fashion before my daughter gets married :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I wonder how long it will be before folks just sell tickets to their wedding? Tacky as all get out, but wouldn't it be easier all around? I hope this is in fashion before my daughter gets married :D :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Tacky, tacky, tacky If I knew the happy couple and were inclined to give them gifts, I'd give them actual gifts and not feel compelled to give cash. In fact, I might feel compelled to give them a hardcover copy of "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Tacky, tacky, tacky If I knew the happy couple and were inclined to give them gifts, I'd give them actual gifts and not feel compelled to give cash. In fact, I might feel compelled to give them a hardcover copy of "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior." But Ellie, that would be a TACKY gift! ::rushes to find the smelling salts:: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 But Ellie, that would be a TACKY gift! ::rushes to find the smelling salts:: No, dear. It would only be tacky if I bookmarked all of the pages that talked about how tacky it is to request money for gifts. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Tacky x1000. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Ick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I wonder how long it will be before folks just sell tickets to their wedding? Tacky as all get out, but wouldn't it be easier all around? I hope this is in fashion before my daughter gets married :D :lol: And I agree the invitation is very tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I wonder how long it will be before folks just sell tickets to their wedding? Tacky as all get out, but wouldn't it be easier all around? I hope this is in fashion before my daughter gets married :D :iagree: :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2abcd Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Well, I guess I'll be the odd man out and say that while I would never write that myself, I TOTALLY understand the request. Truly, I would rather give people something they can use. After 25 years of marriage we finally got rid of some knives that we have never used. We received several sets of knives as wedding gifts. My parents got three sets of Pyrex bowls and they gave their extras away. When we got married, we received many cash gifts and we appreciated them as much or more than the towel sets and knives and wall hangings that didn't match or appeal to us. Ya know? I bet Dave Ramsey and Mary Hunt would be proud of this young couple! I wouldn't even care if they did use the money I gave to choose wall hangings of their choice rather than mine! College has gotten outrageously expensive. We have a son graduating this year and I know how that debt hangs over your head. Many college students live in houses by their senior year and don't need dish towels and pie pans. They would rather pay off debt than own a crystal vase or pancake grill. (Just thinking of some wedding gifts I've seen.) People say things like that on invitations for birthdays and anniversaries. Why not weddings? I personally wouldn't be offended. My first reaction was "Good for them!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 While I find it tacky, and I would never do it or allow my child to do it -- I do "get" what they're doing, and I have some admiration for it. Times are very tough; and if they'd rather pay off their student loans than get lovely, decorative home items, I can't hate them for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMA Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 People say things like that on invitations for birthdays and anniversaries. Why not weddings? While I don't agree with what they wrote, I get invitations for birthdays and anniversaries that say "no gifts please" or "give to Charity X in lieu of gifts". Plenty of people think either request is great. If you are can tell people how you want your gifts or non gifts, then their request is perfectly in line with that kind of thinking. If you want to follow true etiquette, then gifts are never mentioned on any invitation even if you don't need them. So, in relation to the other "gift requests" I received, the couple is perfectly in line with today's invitations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Huh. I'm totally used to cash weddings (it's a cultural norm for us and our heritage) but that one has left a bad taste in my mouth. :iagree: Same here. We always give money at weddings for other major gift-giving occasions, but the idea of being told that it's pretty much all the couple will accept is almost enough to make me go out and buy them a particularly hideous set of dishes, just for the fun of it. (And then I would "forget" to include a gift receipt, and if they asked where I bought it, I would smile mysteriously and say, "Wouldn't you like to know..." :p) Tacky, tacky, tacky. (And I feel the same way about people who register for their wedding at the most expensive stores, and the cheapest gift on their list is at least $1,000.00. :glare:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Whatever. I know it is tacky in a Ms. Manners sort of way but I don't care. I like knowing that the gift I send will be appreciated. Honestly, what is wrong with being open and honest about what kind of gift is needed? Giving cash is one thing; asking for cash is another. It is tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Whatever. I know it is tacky in a Ms. Manners sort of way but I don't care. I like knowing that the gift I send will be appreciated. Honestly, what is wrong with being open and honest about what kind of gift is needed? I have to say I'd rather help pay off student loans, than give gifts that are for fun. I'm impressed that they want to pay their loans :) It's up to you... how much and if you do :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I wonder how long it will be before folks just sell tickets to their wedding? Tacky as all get out, but wouldn't it be easier all around? I hope this is in fashion before my daughter gets married :D :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Element Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Totally tacky! You don't have to *ask* for cash when you get married. Plenty of people are happy to give it, unsolicited! :) Unless I really liked these people, I would not attend. JMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danybug Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 My first response was tacky. And specifically tacky about mentioning the student loans. We always give cash as wedding gifts, so that part did not shock me. But after mulling it over while reading the other posts, it grew on me and I think it is a smart and honest move on the couples part. Why not be honest and mention something that would truly benefit them? I do think they could have worded it in a way that said they want their guests to do what makes them feel comfortable, but this is the need... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 No, dear. It would only be tacky if I bookmarked all of the pages that talked about how tacky it is to request money for gifts. :D:lol: This off-topic, but your comment reminded me: DH's grandma used to give us books for Christmas and Birthdays. Every single one she'd already read through and underlined, and marked, and if mistakes were made, she'd use white out! She wrote long "notes" about certain things said in the book, sometimes blocking the actual printing in the book! :001_huh: :tongue_smilie: THAT is tacky! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 My first response was tacky. And specifically tacky about mentioning the student loans. We always give cash as wedding gifts, so that part did not shock me. But after mulling it over while reading the other posts, it grew on me and I think it is a smart and honest move on the couples part. Why not be honest and mention something that would truly benefit them? I do think they could have worded it in a way that said they want their guests to do what makes them feel comfortable, but this is the need... :iagree: I did the same thing :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I thought wedding invitations weren't supposed to mention anything about gifts? The traditional way to find out what a couple would like is by asking one of the moms, or a close friend or relative, no? That way the wedding couple isn't involved at all, and they can let these key people know what they'd prefer without being tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I went to a wedding once where at each person's place at the table was a paper rolled up and tied with a pretty ribbon. When we unrolled them to see what it was...turned out to be a sales pitch for the groom's business! Thought that was pretty weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Well, I think it's quite tacky. I can maybe accept a couple asking for cash, but asking for cash for paying off student loans? That seems like you're being asked as a wedding guest to pay off something that should be their responsibility. They might as well have asked you to give them cash so they could pay off the cost of the wedding! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I thought wedding invitations weren't supposed to mention anything about gifts? The traditional way to find out what a couple would like is by asking one of the moms, or a close friend or relative, no? That way the wedding couple isn't involved at all, and they can let these key people know what they'd prefer without being tacky. That's what I thought, too. A bride or birthday-person isn't supposed to assume she is going to receive gifts, even though everybody knows she will. The exception is a shower, but even then the requests should be tactful and not come from the honoree herself. At least...at the very least...the request in the OP did not come in the form of a dreadful poem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Tacky, tacky, tacky! And one more time for emphasis...tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 They might as well have asked you to give them cash so they could pay off the cost of the wedding! We've received invitations that indicated just that. We've also been asked to give cash for the honeymoon expenses. We didn't give a dime. Tacky, tacky, tacky. Especially when said couple is well "established" and should perhaps consider being a bit more financially responsible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetandSimple Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Wow! It does seem like people are feeling more free to ask for what they'd like... I recently received a baby shower invitation that directed each guest to bring a package of Pampers Crusiers diapers, a container of baby wipes, and a traditional gift to the shower. I was shocked! I know that some people have "diapers-only" showers, but I thought it was strange to request diapers and a regular gift from each guest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Balaban Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I think it's tacky. But, I totally understand the sentiment. I would have probably not mentioned anything on the invitation about gifts. I also hate registries where everything is over the top and expensive. We basically got them a $20 spoon and said "Have a great life!" Totally doesn't feel worth it. But I have to wonder--- if they have 100 people at their wedding and each person gives them $100 (yes, that's probably an exaggeration, but we could call it an average...) that would be $10,000 in student loans! Not bad for a nights work, eh? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 It is rude to mention or indicate an expectation for gifts in an invitation. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 It is rude to mention or indicate an expectation for gifts in an invitation. Period. This has always been my understanding. But whenever I say something of the sort, I am borderline reprimanded. I suppose we are just old school. But I happen to *like* old school! Gifts and gift registries are spread by word of mouth and no mention on invitations about gifts, any which way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 They might as well have asked you to give them cash so they could pay off the cost of the wedding! :) This reminded me of a story that a friend if mine told me. A friend of hers had an engagement party before the wedding, and the theme was "stock the bar". Everyone was supposed to bring a bottle of liquor to help the new couple stock their bar. Only the bar that they were actually stocking was the one for the wedding reception. So, you were asked to bring liquor to the engagement party, and then you were served that liquor at the reception. I guess it's better than just putting BYOB on the wedding invitations, but not much! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I personally consider it tacky, but it seems to be the norm for the Indian-American weddings to which we have been invited. So I guess it really must vary by culture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Whatever. I know it is tacky in a Ms. Manners sort of way but I don't care. I like knowing that the gift I send will be appreciated. Honestly, what is wrong with being open and honest about what kind of gift is needed? :iagree::iagree: I doesn't bother me that they would be honest and make a request for what they really need and something that will really help them. It's a wedding. People give gifts to the newlyweds. That's a given, big deal if they request cash gifts instead. It is easier on everyone else too since they don't have to deal with registries and what not. Doesn't bother me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Am I overreacting?? I just got a wedding invitation in the mail today. I barely know the person and the invitation reads "in lieu of gifts we are requesting cash to help pay off student loans". Is this normal because I am shocked No, not normal. (but tacky - and to think I thought gift registries were tacky. but this . . :svengo:) wedding gifts are just that - gifts. You don't have to give anything if you don't want to. You don't have to go if you don't want to. especially as you hardly know them. . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 Hmm, that's a new one to me. The one good thing I see about it, at least they are going to use the cash for something responsible like paying off their student loans. Not, say, splurging on their honeymoon... (that's a personal pet peeve of mine, and why I don't give money at weddings anymore ;) ) maybe that's why they want they money to pay their "student loans"off. so it will free money up to splurge on an extravagent honeymoon. (or buy a house . . . . ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansamy Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 For cases like this, two gifts are appropriate and indicated: a financial planning/budgeting book (like Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman or pick someone) and/or a nice book on etiquette. :D I tend to buy "useful" gifts. I'm the chick at the baby shower with no size NB/1 diapers or layette items but a case of size 3s and a case of wipes. I don't tend to even look at the registry or at the invitation's extortion list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 It seems more tacky to invite people you hardly know than to ask for cash, but I'm not much into weddings. I doubt my pov is aligned with the polite standard. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted February 17, 2012 Share Posted February 17, 2012 I have to admit I'd be tempted to get them something totally ugly and monogrammed. (but I wouldn't) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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