Impish Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Let me see if I can explain this situation... I'm not one for updating my status on FB regularily...Sometimes its a week or more, sometimes I might post twice in a day. Hit or miss kinda thing. Chances are, though, that its related to my family, be it kids, Wolf, or pregnancy. I have a friend that's gotten in touch in the last six months or so. She's divorced, no kids. She sent me an email asking that I not post about my pregnancy, or so much about my family b/c its painful for her...that reading about my coming baby is 'like a slap in the face' when she signs on FB. I'm honestly not sure how to react to this. On one hand, I certainly would never intentionally hurt anyone. On the other, I feel like telling someone not to post about major events in their lives, and to not post about the biggest part of their life (family for me) is way controlling. Plus, Wolf's sister, long distance family and friends find FB probably the easiest way to keep up to date, so it would be depriving them of what's going on in our lives. So, WWYD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I think you need to gently tell her that your facebook page is for updating your long distance family and friends of what is going on in your life. I would think (but not say out loud) that she can block you if it is too painful for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Unfriend her? Or ask her to hide you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I'd unfriend her, but I'm just heartless that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I would probably continue on as normal. If it is so painful for her, she can hide your posts or unfriend you. For me, facebook is my primary means of keeping in touch with many people and if I couldn't talk about my family, what is the point? I would never assume to tell someone else what they could post about and what they couldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Block and ignore, if not then unfriend her. If you, living your life, is hurting her, then let her go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mona100 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 It's her problem, not yours. It's your page to put whatever you want on it. If she doesn't like it, she can block you. What does she expect for you to put on your FB page? :confused::confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I would gently instruct her on hiding people whose updates she wishes not to see. If she wasn't satisfied I'd quietly unfriend her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 WHAT? Just block her from being able to see your status updates. That is really strange. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katiebug_1976 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I would explain to her that FB is how you keep extended family "in the loop" with what's going on w/ your family and ask her is she would like you to "unfriend" her so she does not get upset with your posts, no hard feelings either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skirch Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 As someone who underwent years and years of infertility, I understand how painful it is for her but she was WAY out of line to ask you to not post about your family. I probably wouldn't unfriend her though. I'd just tell her I understand and use my privacy settings so she didn't see those posts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Although I do not agree that she should tell you what to write on your FB page, it is easy to keep her from getting those posts. FB now has the option to control who sees or doesn't see certain posts. You can just exclude her from posts concerning your family. I did this when a friend had a late pregnancy miscarriage so as not to upset her when I had something to say about my kids while she was hurting (she did not ask that I do that, but I knew that sort of thing hurt her through conversation). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I think you need to gently tell her that your facebook page is for updating your long distance family and friends of what is going on in your life. I would think (but not say out loud) that she can block you if it is too painful for her. :iagree: This. Tell her that she can "hide" your status updates from her home page if your life is that upsetting to her. You would hope that she could be happy for you and understand the FB is a way for you and many others to keep up with long distance friends and relatives and that they like the updates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I would just explain that you like to update your extended family about the kids, etc. Then let her know that if she needs to block your posts or unfriend you for now, you understand. I am way too lazy to set up my own account/message to not appear on someone else's page. I don't even know how to do that and I wouldn't bother. If it was a really close friend or family member I might, but not someone who isn't extremely close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) I probably wouldn't unfriend her though. I'd just tell her I understand and use my privacy settings so she didn't see those posts. That was my thought as well, as the most generous response. But I agree that directing someone as to what they can and cannot post to her Facebook page about her own life/family is way out of line. Edited October 27, 2011 by MyCrazyHouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I also agree you should tell her you're sorry she feels that way but your FB usage is specifically for talking about your life, and your DH and children are part of your life. She can block your messages if it's too painful for her to read. But honestly, I wouldn't be too worried about hurting her feelings. I would sympathize for her but her request is simply inappropriate. You could unfriend her, but she would know because she wouldn't see your status updates anymore. Simply tell her the truth and let her make the choice of how to handle it. Now, if she comes back at your with guns blazing because you won't do what she says, then unfriend her. At that point, she is not only inappropriate, she is looney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I'm sorry that my posts have caused you pain. That, of course, was never my intention. However family, kids, pregnancy is my season right now. They are what is going on in my life 95% of the time and it's not really fair for you to ask me that I stop posting about my life. It is an important way for me to keep connected with out of town family and friends who genuinely want to know how we are doing. Feel free to unsubscribe to my status updates, though, if they are painful. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Imp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Although I do not agree that she should tell you what to write on your FB page, it is easy to keep her from getting those posts. FB now has the option to control who sees or doesn't see certain posts. You can just exclude her from posts concerning your family. I did this when a friend had a late pregnancy miscarriage so as not to upset her when I had something to say about my kids while she was hurting (she did not ask that I do that, but I knew that sort of thing hurt her through conversation). :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Although I do not agree that she should tell you what to write on your FB page, it is easy to keep her from getting those posts. FB now has the option to control who sees or doesn't see certain posts. You can just exclude her from posts concerning your family. I did this when a friend had a late pregnancy miscarriage so as not to upset her when I had something to say about my kids while she was hurting (she did not ask that I do that, but I knew that sort of thing hurt her through conversation). How do you keep some messages from going out but let others through? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 How do you keep some messages from going out but let others through? Create a list and then modify the privacy standards for that list. I have whole groups of people on fb who can't read my wall or see my statuses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 The kindest way but most work for you would be to block her from any status update that includes babies, family talk, etc. The easiest is to unfriend her or instruct her how to block your updates. I would think she would have tons of trouble being on FB, though. Everyone is usually talking about family, etc, any time I'm on. She probably shouldn't be on FB until her feelings aren't so raw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 If you still want her to be your FB friend, you can click on News Feed and enter her name so she will not get your news feed posts for your wall. Just click on the edit icon to the right of the News Feed under your profile pick on the Home page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
higginszoo Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I'm sorry that my posts have caused you pain. That, of course, was never my intention. However family, kids, pregnancy is my season right now. They are what is going on in my life 95% of the time and it's not really fair for you to ask me that I stop posting about my life. It is an important way for me to keep connected with out of town family and friends who genuinely want to know how we are doing. Feel free to unsubscribe to my status updates, though, if they are painful. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.Imp :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) . Edited October 27, 2011 by MyCrazyHouse iPhone posting repeats Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 It's not your fault she can't use the hide feature. I would never dream of telling someone something like that when I know I can simply hide the posts I don't want to see. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I'd let her know that you're sorry to hear that she finds your posts painful to read, and she can block your posts if she wants to. I certainly wouldn't change the way you post. I use FB primarily to keep my parents, ILs, sister, and other long-distance relatives updated on the kids. If somebody had an issue reading updates about my kids, I would have no problem with them unfriending me or hiding my posts, but I wouldn't change how I posted, because there'd be no practical point to my using FB if I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Without reading any responses - I would tell her I'm sorry she feels that way and let her know she is welcome to either hide my posts or unfriend me if she feels the need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I can understand her sentiment since I've had to deal with my own infertility issues. But asking/telling someone not to post pregnancy info on a FB or G+ or even a message board is just a bit much. You can unfriend her or block her or something. Tell her gently that you are doing so because you use FB for extended family. Maybe offer your email if you want to stay in contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Imp, you're kidding right? Tell her if she can't take it to hide you. What's her problem anyhow? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 That's just jaw-dropping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Let me see if I can explain this situation... I'm not one for updating my status on FB regularily...Sometimes its a week or more, sometimes I might post twice in a day. Hit or miss kinda thing. Chances are, though, that its related to my family, be it kids, Wolf, or pregnancy. I have a friend that's gotten in touch in the last six months or so. She's divorced, no kids. She sent me an email asking that I not post about my pregnancy, or so much about my family b/c its painful for her...that reading about my coming baby is 'like a slap in the face' when she signs on FB. I'm honestly not sure how to react to this. On one hand, I certainly would never intentionally hurt anyone. On the other, I feel like telling someone not to post about major events in their lives, and to not post about the biggest part of their life (family for me) is way controlling. Plus, Wolf's sister, long distance family and friends find FB probably the easiest way to keep up to date, so it would be depriving them of what's going on in our lives. So, WWYD? She should block you. My dd32 did that when her friends were having their babies and she had suffered a still birth months before -- they were all sort of due within months of each other. She blocked them and asked them to please understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieH Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 She can block you. OR you can set your privacy settings so that she cannot see anything you post on your wall. I've done that for a few people that I didn't want to "unfriend" but yet I didn't want reading or commenting on my wall posts. I think it's extremely inappropriate for her to ask such a thing of you. Sorry it's painful, but it's part of life and extremely self centered of you to expect an old friend to not talk about something so important to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Dude! Is this person kidding?! Her request was pushy and wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy out of line. She needs to be reminded that she 1) has the ability to hide your posts from her wall and 2) no one's forcing her to keep you on her friend list. Honestly, if someone asked this of me, they'd be off my friend list in a big hurry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Her problem, not yours. Facebook has created ways for people to only see what they want of other people's pages; she should utilise one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 If your happiness brings her pain, then she is not your friend. Cut her loose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I would explain to her that FB is how you keep extended family "in the loop" with what's going on w/ your family and ask her is she would like you to "unfriend" her so she does not get upset with your posts, no hard feelings either way. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks for all the responses. I was really caught off guard, and reading from everyone that my reaction was pretty on target is appreciated. I was going to suggest that she block my status updates, but wasn't sure if I was being insensitive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieH Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks for all the responses. I was really caught off guard, and reading from everyone that my reaction was pretty on target is appreciated. I was going to suggest that she block my status updates, but wasn't sure if I was being insensitive. Please don't feel insensitive or even that you need to explain anything to her. She was so out of line. I'm annoyed on your behalf! :001_smile: I went through several years of infertility and several miscarriages when all of my friends and family were having babies. Yes, that was very painful (the infertility and miscarriages..not my friends having babies)...but I cannot even IMAGINE having asked anyone not to talk about their little blessings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I use FB primarily to keep my parents, ILs, sister, and other long-distance relatives updated on the kids. If somebody had an issue reading updates about my kids, I would have no problem with them unfriending me or hiding my posts, but I wouldn't change how I posted, because there'd be no practical point to my using FB if I did. This. What is the point of Facebook if you can't use it for family updates?! A droll log of what you ate every night? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 That's too bizarre! You've received a lot of great answers though already. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks for all the responses. I was really caught off guard, and reading from everyone that my reaction was pretty on target is appreciated. I was going to suggest that she block my status updates, but wasn't sure if I was being insensitive. I don't think you are being insensitive. I would include some words of sympathy or acknowledgement of her pain, so she will know you care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Her problem, not yours. Facebook has created ways for people to only see what they want of other people's pages; she should utilise one of them. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I would make sure she is excluded from all status updates and photo albums, but I'm not sure what I would say in return. It is certainly an odd request. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaTanya Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 So sorry you've been caught offguard. I, too, post about my dc and dh on my wall. That's what my life is about right now. I know I have friends who are divorced and/or childless. I have one friend in particular who regularly posts about being lonely. I am not trying to be insensitive when I post about my family, and I make sure I'm not bragging about how wonderful we are! :tongue_smilie: That said, I have blocked a couple of friends whose status updates were irritating to me. One often posted about his . . . err--umm . . . extracurricular activities that were really none of my business. KWIM? Anyway. I have 2 dss with developmental disorders. I have another dc with emotional issues that necessitate therapy. We have plenty of disappointment around here. I try not to wallow in that, either. We have financial concerns (not unbearable, but it's tight!) Can you imagine if I asked my friend not to post about her child winning an athletic event since mine can't compete? Ask others not to post about their dc's honor roll or scholarships since mine are in special education? Or "please don't put anymore photos of your vacation on FB since we can't afford to go on one"? REALLY??? When I read about my friends who go out with their mothers, I do miss mine, but I'm happy for them. I'm glad to know what's going on with them! I share your joy, and I think your friend shouldn't try to change your posts. Can you imagine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Let me see if I can explain this situation... I'm not one for updating my status on FB regularily...Sometimes its a week or more, sometimes I might post twice in a day. Hit or miss kinda thing. Chances are, though, that its related to my family, be it kids, Wolf, or pregnancy. I have a friend that's gotten in touch in the last six months or so. She's divorced, no kids. She sent me an email asking that I not post about my pregnancy, or so much about my family b/c its painful for her...that reading about my coming baby is 'like a slap in the face' when she signs on FB. I'm honestly not sure how to react to this. On one hand, I certainly would never intentionally hurt anyone. On the other, I feel like telling someone not to post about major events in their lives, and to not post about the biggest part of their life (family for me) is way controlling. Plus, Wolf's sister, long distance family and friends find FB probably the easiest way to keep up to date, so it would be depriving them of what's going on in our lives. So, WWYD? I'd un-friend her. This is what you share and have always shared on FB. She knows that. It's rude of her to ask this of you and she won't regulate what she looks at then I'd remove the content for her. Seriously?! Do you know that she can click on your post and ignore it? Don't worry about it. You're doing nothing wrong. Just let her go. You don't need this drama especially from someone you are not even close to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I have to say that I am surprised by the lack of sensitivity I'm seeing here. I agree that she was out of line, but the 'tough noogies' attitude some of you have displayed really is disheartening. I have been there. I was pregnant, along with my 4 best friends. We were due in Jan, Feb, March & April. I miscarried. And I'm glad that none of them had that attitude with me. They were sensitive towards me. Over time, I withdrew because, as it turns out, I was never to be pregnant again. Imp, the pain your friend is feeling must be extremely deep for her to ask you to not post about your pregnancy. And she must really appreciate your friendship, because she did not just unfriend you. That being said, yes, it was an inappropriate request, but one made, probably because of a deeply broken heart, and as such, should be handled with care. She trusted Imp with a deep hurt, and for imp to respond like some have suggested would be a slap in the face. I think, imp, that you should explain to her that you appreciate how terribly painful it is for her to read about other people's pregnancies and happy families. (understand, it's not about YOU, specifically. it's about her heartache and not having a happy family, and being able to have more kids. And when you are in a specific situation, EVERYBODY around you seems to be having babies and living the happy happy joy joy life). Kindly explain that you have a lot of family from out of town, and this is the only way you can keep them ALL informed about your status. Let her know that if she wants to unfriend you for a period of time, that's fine, you understand completely. Also, explain to her that you have no hard feelings if she chooses to do that, or to block your posts. And tell her that you will try to make it that certain posts do not show up on her page, but that you're not sure how, and might not be able to get it to work. Edited October 28, 2011 by cin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I am so confused. Everyone is responding as if this is a woman who had a miscarriage or is struggling with infertility, but I saw nothing of the sort in the OP. She is divorced without kids, so she doesn't like hearing about Imp's happy family. I understand this is still sad, but it's a bit of a different situation. Or did I miss something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I think you need to gently tell her that your facebook page is for updating your long distance family and friends of what is going on in your life. I would think (but not say out loud) that she can block you if it is too painful for her. :iagree: This friend is pretty ballsy and rude IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'm not sure what to make of that either......I mean it's your fb I'd hate to think I'd have to watch what I say on my own page (you know what I mean)....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 As far as I know, infertility isn't the issue. Her ex had a vasectomy before they were married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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