s/o of birth age thread

[leeannpal]

Are you generally happy with being a younger or older mother and how it will affect you as you age? If so, why?

 

At times I wish I had been younger when DD was born. I was 36 at the time. But, I wouldn't have been able to do the things that I did in my twenties before DH and I married. For most of my twenties, after I graduated from college, I lived overseas on three continents working as a teacher. Those memories are very special to me, and, although I will be an older grandmother, I think I am very happy with the way my life has turned out. And, since we are moving overseas again next year, I'll get to share the new culture highs and lows with my daughter as well.

[mom2scouts]

I was both a younger and older mother. I had my first 3 children before age 30 and then had many pregnancy losses before having a son at 39, a stillbirth at 41 and my daughter at 43. I was thinner and more energetic with my olders, but I'm enjoying my younger children much more.

[Mrs Mungo]

My third child was born when I was 29. I am glad I was young, and had lots of energy to chase them around. Having kids did not impede us from traveling, living overseas or any of that. My youngest went to Paris the first time when he was 6 weeks old.

 

I am glad my dh and I will still be young enough to do things together when our kids fly the nest.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

with my health issues that came with and after being pregnant I wish I had met hubby and we had married and had kids at a younger age....but it just wasn't in the cards for me......Now I know that 31 isn't OLD these days to be a mom but in my situation my health was starting to decline anyway and the pregnancy just taxed it and made everything worse....so I wish I could have been a younger mom.....but I'm happy with my son soo guess that makes up for it all....

[JenC3]

I always thought I'd be married and have kids by 25 and then well at that age it just seemed too early. I married one month before 28 and it did not occur o us to start having kids immediately. I wish we had, but dd was born durinG my 30th year. I will have his last child a few weeks after I turn 39. I do think my kids will have children earlier than I did, partly b/c we are rasing them to save themselves for marriage. Dh and I were not raised with those values.

I imagine will be a grandma at the perfect ages: 55 to 60:)

[Wheres Toto]

I've done both. My oldest was born when I was 24, my son when I was 36 and my last a week before I turned 38. Things were so different for my first than my last two that it's hard to compare.

 

With my oldest, I had to work full time (at times part time as well in addition to going to school), we were always broke, exh didn't want to help out with child raising at all, I put on too much weight and it took me 8 years to take it off. I was always tired due to working all the time and money stress.

 

With my two youngest, I'm a SAHM mom, I get to homeschool, dh is a very involved father and helps around the house (cooks dinner every night), I don't feel less energetic than I did then even though I'm quite a bit older. I'm probably healthier in a lot of ways than I was then - I exercise more regularly and definitely eat better.

[6packofun]

I enjoyed having a younger mother and I enjoy being a younger mother. There is a lot of time left for me to do many, many things. Really, some moms do career and other stuff before having children and some do after. I prefer to do it after. *shrug*

 

One thing, however, about having younger parents that I've found to be disappointing is that while their grandchildren are growing up they are still working a lot. I feel like my parents have missed out on a lot because half of my kids are teens already and they are still not retirement age! But some of this is that we're not super close and they don't make much effort. They've wanted to hang out with their friends more, build their careers (or had to work quite a bit) than be grandma and grandpa. I don't intend to repeat that, no matter what my age or the age of my kids when they start a family!

[JennyD]

Yes, I am very glad that I had mine at 33, 36, and 38. Because if I had had a baby at 25 it would mean that I had married the wrong man. I count my lucky stars every day that I held out for the right person.

 

I should note that while both my mom and MIL were 30 when they had their first children and 33 with the second, which was shockingly old for the time, virtually everyone I know has had all of their children in their 30s or even early 40s. So while you can't fool Mother Nature, of course, from a social standpoint I don't feel at all out of place.

Edited June 29, 2011 by JennyD

[Sasharowan]

There are trade offs, but I'm not sure which is "better". I was 26 with the first and had plenty of patience and energy to get on the floor and play games with him and do stuff. I was 36 with the last and I am more than happy to let the other kids get on the floor and play with him. But I was also more timid with the first and didn't let him do stuff that the others do and didn't stand up for us as I would now. I cared more about how we appeared to others and now as long as we are happy and not causing problems for others, we make fools of ourselves, or I embarrass my kids depending on the day.

[laundrycrisis]

I wish we had started earlier, as soon as we married (I was 30). We have two and I am almost 42. They are 8 and 5 and I feel the little kid part of our lives slipping away each day now. It feels too late to have another without some consequences I think we wouldn't be happy with, but I'm sad we only have two. I would have enjoyed at least one more. I thought I would have a larger family, and I thought our children would have more than one sibling. Two kids feels like a very small family to me. But I am really thankful to have kids at all so I do not dwell on this.

 

I had our second at 36. Having little kids at this age was not hard, but it was not that easy to make mom friends. The mommies in their 20s don't usually want to make friends with the older ladies closer to 40 who have kids the same age. But I am thankful that I have made some good friends who are younger but exceptions to this, and some who had kids in their late 20s or early 30s so our age difference is not as great.

 

On the other end of it, most moms I meet who are my age have been past the little kid years for quite a while now, and our oldest is perhaps the age of their youngest, and they enjoy being able to go do things that don't work well for someone with a much younger child to bring along.

 

Finally I always feel a little strange when we are with people who are several years younger than we are, but their youngest child is several years older than our oldest. I end up thinking that we started really late.

[nono]

It seems like the women in my family aren't ever in a hurry to have children! No one comes along before the Mom is in her 30s! We only have two generations of family where many have three.

 

It may not be as common, but it works! I think everyone in life gets their chances. We can't dictate when they'll come along, but hope that we recognize the opportunities when they present themselves!

[SnowWhite]

One of the biggest advantages I see to having started our family a bit later (30, 34 and 38 at our three births) is that now I am perfectly happy being "done". If I had three children at 20, 24 and 28 I imagine I would be second guessing whether or not we should have a larger family. For us, three is the perfect number for children, and age 40 is a great time to feel like I'm "done" having kids. (Not that I'd be upset if an oopsie happened along, but it's no longer a question, do we or don't we.)

 

ETA: I married at age 25 and dh was 20. I would have wanted kids then, but he didn't. In retrospect, I'm glad we waited till he was more mature and we were more settled financially.

Edited June 29, 2011 by SnowWhite

[OLG]

Had ds when I was 42 and am so thankful that we had the financial and emotional security to parent at that age. Everyday is a blessing! I do think ds might have enjoyed younger parents at times but it also led to his own maturity level at a younger age, or so I think. I have friends who married young and now have their grandkids marrying and that is such a foreign concept for me. I will be lucky to ever see a grandkid! But, my own folks married late in life and had me in their very late 30's (38, 39) so this is a familiar pattern. I do feel lucky to have had a successful career and then to have the luxury of focusing on raising and educating a child. Not a bad life at all! There are clearly benefits to parenting early in life as well as later in life. Makes a nice mix.

[meggie]

I was 21 with my first and 26 with my last. While I was young and dumb with my first, I think I would have been dumb no matter what age I started, since I really didn't know much about babies. I am happy with how it all worked out. For now, I intend to sacrifice and create a happy home and focus on their education. I will be 44 when baby girl turns 18 and am still thinking of what I'll want to do with my life after that.

[The Girls' Mom]

I'm happy to be a younger mother. I can't imagine all those years without kids. I'm 35 and my oldest is 14. I could possibly be a grandmother in my early 40's....not a bad age to enjoy grandkids. Several of my friends from school are just now starting their families and it seems so odd to me.

 

That said, I'd happily start over again at my age and enjoy a "second" family :001_smile:

[july19]

My son was born right after I turned 21. A part of me wishes I had waited (though it wasn't really my choice), but I suppose I'm okay with it. Being so young and (back then) a single mom who had fled a horrible relationship with no money, no home, no furniture, no anything, I don't think I got to appreciate my son as much as I could have. I had to depend on day care for 40 hours a week and then even then, needed a friend to watch him an additional 5-10 hours or so just so I could pay the bills. I missed his first steps and his first word. :crying:

 

Now, 5 years later, I'm 26, married and comfortable as a stay at home mom. I will be at least 27 before my next child (and that's only if I can step away from this forum long enough get to business :smilielol5: ). I guess I'm torn between the two choices of being younger vs older. For me, myself...I wish my Deacon came when I was ready - whether it was at 18 or 38.

[WiseOwlKnits]

I'm a younger mom and am VERY happy with that. I love being able to chase the kids around and do lots of physical things with them. I'm looking forward to being young enough to hopefully play with my grandkids too - I'll be 46 when DD1 turns 20, 49 when DD turns 20, and 53 when DD2 turns 20. And I'm looking forward to getting to know my children as adults (hopefully) before my health declines from age and I end up needing to be taken care of.

[TravelingChris]

I was 26 when my oldest was born and 34 when my youngest was born. I am quite happy with that spacing. I liked having several years before any children were born being married to my h. I also am very glad that at my h's rank, we only have older kids. I know others at the same rank or one above having babies- ugh, no. I think it is very hard on the kids because at the higher ranks, the active duty dads are simply not around very much at all. It even affected my youngest to a degree because from birth to 6.5, her father traveled a lot. The others had dad home more.

 

I also can't see having babies at my age and I do see some compatriots doing it. I know that I am against elderly parenthood (which I consider probably 42 and up) because I had two older parents and they both died before I was 23. I have also seen too many women my age develop serious medical conditions or their children do so because of maternal age. So while I am always nice and congratulating, I am cringing inside.

[nono]

I'm a younger mom and am VERY happy with that. I love being able to chase the kids around and do lots of physical things with them. I'm looking forward to being young enough to hopefully play with my grandkids too -

 

Hmm, see, I don't see that always as a problem. In my personal experience, the elderly grandparents were much more likely to get on the floor and play with the kids or go out bike riding than the granparent who's 20+ years younger. Precluding serious health issues, one's attitude is much more important than one's age. You sound like the type who will not become an "old lady" at all, esp. because you have a genuine interest in being present for your kids and grandkids! :)

[2squared]

One thing, however, about having younger parents that I've found to be disappointing is that while their grandchildren are growing up they are still working a lot. I feel like my parents have missed out on a lot because half of my kids are teens already and they are still not retirement age!

 

:iagree: My parents were 48yo when they became grandparents. My parents are no where near retirement age, and we don't see much of them b/c they are still working.

 

My ILs were 60 when my oldest was born. My ILs retired shortly after we started having kids, and we see a lot of them. They don't play baseball with the kids, but they do spend quite a bit of quality time with them. I feel very blessed by my ILs, and I wish my parents had the same relationship with my dc. I even wish that we lived closer to my ILs!

[UnsinkableKristen]

I was 23 with my first and I am so glad I had her at that age. I had finished college, worked a little, been married to my best friend for a few years. The ONLY thing we didn't do before she was born that I wish we had done was to travel overseas by ourselves. We ended up taking her along when she was 15 mos anyway, but it was much harder to do than it would have been with just the two of us.

 

All in all though, one minor regret (if you can even call it that) isn't too bad. Every thing else I see as a positive and I'm thankful that things aligned in a way to make that possible. :001_smile:

[Susan in TX]

I had my first when I was 20 and I loved being a younger Mom. I'm a grandma now and I love being a young grandma. I also have a 3yo and am expecting another baby Aug 16. I also love being an older Mom. There's a lot to be said for being older and wiser and there's a lot of things about having young children that I took for granted with my older ones. I'm taking more time to stop and smell the roses with the youngers because I know how fast they grow up.

 

Susan in TX

[Dinsfamily]

Hmm, see, I don't see that always as a problem. In my personal experience, the elderly grandparents were much more likely to get on the floor and play with the kids or go out bike riding than the granparent who's 20+ years younger. Precluding serious health issues, one's attitude is much more important than one's age. You sound like the type who will not become an "old lady" at all, esp. because you have a genuine interest in being present for your kids and grandkids! :)

 

:iagree: How you take care of yourself makes a big difference too. Dh's parents and my parent's are the same age but my IL's seem much younger because they are healthier. My dc love both grandparents (and both sets do a great job) but my IL's are able to do more with them.

 

I'm a middle-of-the-road momma having dc between 26 and 33. Dh and I had several great years together before dc and I loved my work but was happy with the change of pace when the kiddos came along. We think we're done but I'm glad we still have plenty of time to change our minds.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I had my first at age 30 (didn't get married until 28) and my last at 37. I am satisfied with that. I always thought I wanted my kids sooner, but I didn't meet Hunky Engineer Man soon enough. Looking back, I am a better mother for having waiting. I had a lot of growing up to do. I have more patience than I did back then. I am better able to let go of my ideals and embrace our imperfections (at least I can today when the sun is shining and it is 80 degrees with low humidity:).

[YLVD]

I love being a younger mother. love love love.

 

Sure, it was hard at times. I actually became a single mom after splitting with her father, and put myself through university during that time. But, my mom was a young mom and I knew that I wanted that for my child. I haven't traveled as much as I would like. My DD will be an adult in a few years and I won't even be 40 (I had DD at age 20).

 

I love that my mom was a young grandma and had tons of energy and spent lots of time with DD. They are closer than close and my mom has been able to enjoy her. She had my sister 10 years after me and my mom likely won't have the same energy and ability with her kids, even according to her.

 

It actually worked out best for me as I had a ton more energy when younger. I just turned 35 today and cannot imagine having a small child. My DD is 15 and I have no other children, never wanted more children.

 

Also, I have Bipolar disorder that did not really surface until I hit about 32. I am so thankful that I did not experience it in my DD's early years.

Edited June 29, 2011 by YLVD

[MeaganS]

I'm a young mother and love it! All my children will be out of the house by the time I'm 48. My husband and I got married young and I wouldn't trade it. Are there other things I wish I had been able to do, yes, but because my kids will be grown while I am still so young, I will be able to do many of those things when I'm older and they are out of the house.

 

Also, both of our parents had their children starting pretty young, and both my dh and I are the oldest. My parents still aren't 50 and his are barely. It is so great having such young grandparents. They still have a lot of enthusiasm, and are still in touch with what's going on in the kid world.

[Aelwydd]

I had ds at 25, which was just fine. Starting in my 30's, I have had several health problems, and pregnancy and a baby would have only compounded that.

 

I wouldn't want anymore now or in the future (I'm 34). I like the idea of being young still when ds reaches adulthood. If he chooses to marry and have children, it probably means I'll be young enough to get to know them and be active with them.

 

If ds doesn't have children, that's fine, too. I want dh and I to travel and spend time with friends and family.

[Mom in High Heels]

James Bond and I were 22 and 21 when we married (I was 2 weeks short of 22) and we didn't have Indy until I was 29. Han Solo was born the week after I turned 38. I wasn't young compared to others when Indy was born, but there is a huge difference in the way I parented him as a baby and the way I parent Han Solo as a baby. I'm much more laid back about Han Solo. I think if I'd had Indy before my late 20's, I wouldn't have been as good a mom and I wouldn't have had the patience I have. We had no plans to have any more after Indy, but I love having a baby again (except when he doesn't sleep :glare:). I don't want any more though (and dh took care of that just a few weeks ago).

My mom turned 60 a few months before Indy was born. When we see them (they live in the US, we live in Germany), she's a very hands on grandparent. My dad and step dad are too. My parents do stuff for and with Indy that they would NEVER have done with me and they were 25 and 20 when I was born.

[SailorMom]

Married DH at 18. First son born when I was 22, second at 23 (both on purpose).

I love that we are young parents. I'm 37 and I have a 9th and 8th grader. When they are out of high school I will only be in my early 40's.

 

I think being a young parent can have its challenges, especially finalcially, but for us it has worked out very well.

[Cassy]

I'm glad I had mine when I did. I was 35 when the first was born, 43 when the fourth was born. I'm naturally energetic, so that aspect of child-rearing as an older mother has never bothered me. I don't think I would have been a good mother in my 20s, I had too much growing up still to do, too many issues. My 20s were an exciting, exhilarating, sometimes desperate time. Also I wouldn't have been with the right man ;).

 

My only regret about having children so late, and it is quite a big regret, is that I would have liked more and I've now run out of time :crying:. Four is a good number of children I suppose, but both DH and I feel that we could have coped with six or more quite easily, would have loved six or more in fact ...

 

Cassy

[missmoe]

I enjoy being a young mom (though all my friends in the same situation seem "old";)). I got married and started having kids when many I knew were building careers, traveling, and having adventures. I will barely be in my 40s when my youngest leave for college. My dh and I look forward to having that time to go back to school, travel, retire early, and have those adventures. And those adventures will be much better funded than they would have been in our twenties! And I plan on sharing some of those adventures with my kids! So, I am happy with how things have worked out.

[Imprimis]

I am perfectly happy I had my first at 34. I suspect I would be perfectly happy if I had my first at 24, or any other age for that matter. I think it's natural and healthy to accept (and embrace) parenthood whenever we are blessed with it.

 

I do appreciate the fact that we were financially stable when we began our family and have been able to offer experiences and tangibles to our children that I feel have enriched their lives.

 

I am, and always have been a very active person/parent. I still ride coasters with my two thrill ride kids, I still play Legos on the floor with my youngest. Being over 40 has not precluded me from doing anything with my kids that I would have done with them while I was younger.

 

I love being a mother, period. And I strive to be the best mother possible each and every day (at every age :001_smile:)

[ereks mom]

We celebrated our 10th anniversary 2 weeks before our first baby was born when we were both 29. I am glad that dh & I had all that time to get to know each other, especially since we married so young (19). Although sometimes I wish we'd started our family a few years earlier, the older I get, the more glad I am that we waited. Dh & I are both 50 now, and our oldest is 20 & youngest is 16. A lot of our friends who are our age already have grandchildren! I'm not ready for that yet! Being an "older" parent keeps me young! :lol:

 

ETA: I did NOT want to be like my mom, who had her first baby (me) at age 16, her second at age 18, her third (died in infancy) at age 20, and her fourth/last at age 37 (almost 38).

Edited June 29, 2011 by ereks mom

[TheCoffeeChick]

I was 24 when my youngest was born and I love being a younger mom. Sometimes I wonder if we should have more, but I am very content with where we are. My parents were young parents too - they aren't even 50 yet. My kids have great-great grandparents still alive and going strong (they are 95).

[Parrothead]

The only thing I regret about having dd when I was 33 was that there would be no others after her. I often wonder if I'd started younger if there would have been more.

[leeannpal]

I'm a younger mom and am VERY happy with that. I love being able to chase the kids around and do lots of physical things with them. I'm looking forward to being young enough to hopefully play with my grandkids too - I'll be 46 when DD1 turns 20, 49 when DD turns 20, and 53 when DD2 turns 20. And I'm looking forward to getting to know my children as adults (hopefully) before my health declines from age and I end up needing to be taken care of.

 

Well, I'm an older mother and look forward to all those things. I'll be 56 when my daughter is 20, and I plan on having lots of time to get to know her and enjoy grandkids someday.

[ColoNative]

I didn't get married until I was 30. We had our first child at 33. We are having our 5th child in November and I just turned 43. Do I wish I was younger? Absolutely! We are blessed to be able to have that many kids after losing baby 2 at 20 weeks! I have an incompetent cervix and have a cerclage every pregnancy.

 

I would have more energy as a younger mother, but my younger kids have the benefit of having a more experienced mother at this age....I don't feel like I'm 43 - I feel like I'm 35, so age is a relative thing, IMHO.

 

Melody

wife to Steve for 13 years

mom to DS 9, DS 6, DS 3, DS 1 and baby due in November

[coffeegal]

Are you generally happy with being a younger or older mother and how it will affect you as you age? If so, why?

 

I'm both, and happy being both. I was one of the first in my group of friends to get married and have children, and I'm the only one, now, who's chasing littles. :lol:

 

It's going to be fun!:party:

[Aquinas Academy]

I had my first child at 21 and am very happy I started young. I'll be 37 by the time this baby is born, so I still have a long way to go on my motherhood journey. I'll have to see how I like being an older mum. :)

[Lauren R.]

I'm somewhat both, i had my first at 20 & Last at 31.

And were trying for 1 more & im 33

 

I liked having my first when i was still young so i'd have more energy. I dont see anything wrong with being an older mom either though

 

I'm very happy with it :D

[yellowperch]

My first was born when I was 33, my most recent when I was 43.

 

My mother was a very young mother (18 when she had her first), and she was (is) a fantastic parent. I laugh at the thought of what life would have been like had I married the boy I liked at 18. Eghads.

 

My DH was worth waiting for. If we had met earlier in our 20s we still would have kept having children into our 40s, so I would still be an "old" parent, just one with a few more children. And while that would have been lovely, I am very happy with the way things have worked out for me.

 

I do consider it my responsibility to remain fit for as long as I can. I'm working towards running a 7:30 mile, I train with weights, I swim and run miles each week. I am also trying to radically alter my eating habits towards a more heart and brain-healthy diet. Plus I play a mean game of tag, and have been known to outrun people 1/10 my age in foot races.

 

I really do want the pleasure of knowing my children as they become full-fledged adults with children of their own. Here's hoping they get started a wee bit earlier than I.

[Tarreymere]

I did both and really enjoyed all of it. I can't imagine it any other way.

[Peela]

Yes, I am enjoying being "only" 44 and getting my life back and looking forward to doing other things in my life, not focused around child rearing.

I am soooo happy I homeschooled and was so involved in those intense parenting years- no regrets- but its also nice to feel like an older woman who has something else to contribute beyond my kids, as well.

 

And...if I was an older mother with little kids now, I would find something positive about that, too....such as how much more mature I am, and i think I would really enjoy kids even more now, even though I might be exhausted!

[GardenTenders/Kim]

I had my daughter at 37. I'm where I am suppose to be. I don't think I would have been a good mother at 23 or whatever is considered "normal".

 

Seriously, one can agree or disagree, but most women I know don't really know themselves as a person until they are around 30. That's not to say that in your 20's you aren't a wonderful, energetic parent, but over 30 I think you have some wisdom that all the books in the world will never give a 20 something.

 

There are trade offs with each. Many of us have no choice in the matter, we were given our children when God decided we were at the right point in our lives to be a parent. We make the best of whatever cup we have placed before us. :)

[Maus]

Well, my kids are a lot more "free-range" than they would have been if I'd had them when I was younger . . .I was 36, 38, and right on my 44th birthday for our three births . . . and maybe that's why He timed things the way He did.

 

Some things would have been easier: I probably wouldn't have developed preeclampsia with the last and I would have recovered faster, etc.

 

Some things are just right the way we are: we had a house already, we'd already gotten a handle on DH's diabetes, and we are a lot more relaxed in our parenting.

[Nature]

I’m an older mom, but sometimes I wish I started earlier.

[eternalknot]

I had my children in my earlier 20s, and -so far- have been really pleased with the timing of motherhood. My parents were also younger parents during my childhood (my youngest sibling is almost 17 years younger than I am and has a different experience re: our parents) so I think that's why it seems desireable to me; it's familiar. This sister is still in her teens, and I'm curious if she'll ultimately be an older -or younger- parent.

 

Many of my own friends are DINKs, and are just now getting married. They plan to wait until their mid-30s or later to start families. It's weird, to me, because I'll be sending my eldest to college or the military while they're getting ready to even try for their first! They've had some great adventures and life/work experiences during the years I was mommying littles, but I figure my turn will come when mine are all out of the house near my 40th birthday :) plenty of years left to play, and more money in the coffers to do it well LOL.

 

I live in a town of "professionals," where many of the parents are -like my friends- older parents (mid-30s+ before having their firsts). My kids' friends' parents are all closer to my own parents' ages, a good 15-20 years older than I am. They all seem happy with their decisions, too, except for a few who wish they had started earlier only so that they would have given themselves more years to grow their families.

[texasmama]

My first child was born when I was 28. My last three were born when I was in my 30's. Although I have less energy, my mom has passed on, my dad has health problems and all of my grandparents are gone, I wouldn't change my life or the age at which I had my kids. Waiting to have kids allowed me to finish a master's degree and an advanced license in my field so much more easily. I am very grateful for that.:001_smile:

[justamouse]

They didn't stop me, and I'm glad I had them when I was young. Not that I'm old now, I'm coming up on 40, but we're done, the youngest is 5 and I'm really looking forward to getting some time with Dh while we're still pretty young. :D We still have a lot of energy. It's actually strange heading into this season so young, while many of our friends have little toddlers.

[justamouse]

I enjoy being a young mom (though all my friends in the same situation seem "old";)). I got married and started having kids when many I knew were building careers, traveling, and having adventures. I will barely be in my 40s when my youngest leave for college. My dh and I look forward to having that time to go back to school, travel, retire early, and have those adventures. And those adventures will be much better funded than they would have been in our twenties! And I plan on sharing some of those adventures with my kids! So, I am happy with how things have worked out.

:iagree:

Yes, THAT is what I was trying to say.