At what age would you leave your child home, alone, overnight?

[distancia]

I have a daughter, 18.5, and hubby and I have never left her home alone, overnight. We live in a very safe, gated community, we have houses on 15' either side of us, and we have alarms, but we still are not comfortable leaving dd alone. It's not that we don't trust HER, it's that we have a big house, lots of expensive stuff (artwork, electronics), and frankly, you never know who might show up. We just don't trust other people.

 

OTOH, my closest friend, recently divorced, and a therapist with 2 masters degrees, has a dd, age 16.5, who she is willing to leave alone for an entire weekend so she (mom) can go on trips! My friend says it's okay because dd doesn't drive, she's in the house all by herself, she can call her dad (he lives about 20 minutes away) if she needs anything, and she's a mature, loner type (so says my friend) who won't let anyone into the house. [The truth is, the mom has not told her ex- about her trips and her dd hasn't told her dad, either]

 

This really bothers me. I usually don't make any kind of judgments but this time I had to, I told my friend that I thought there was a law about leaving minor children alone. My friend checked online and found nothing; she even called her local police, who said there was no law and they would be comfortable leaving their own 16 year-old children alone for the weekend, so my friend considered that enough of a seal of approval.

 

Maybe it wouldn't bother me as much if she were doing it for work reasons but she started doing this while she began her divorce a few months ago and now she is divorced she's going off on shopping trips with her girlfriends, or visiting old friends (both male and female) for boating excursions...everything is fun-based. My friend says her dd is happy to see her mom go and have fun, so there is no guilt.

 

I just don't get it. Am I being too conservative?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your feelings and rules on this are fine for your family. What she does with her family is her business. She is not abusing her daughter or breaking the law. (My parents left me alone while they went on trips from when I was 13 on. . . I was safe and mentally unscarred.)

[Joanne]

I have a daughter, 18.5, and hubby and I have never left her home alone, overnight. We live in a very safe, gated community, we have houses on 15' either side of us, and we have alarms, but we still are not comfortable leaving dd alone. It's not that we don't trust HER, it's that we have a big house, lots of expensive stuff (artwork, electronics), and frankly, you never know who might show up. We just don't trust other people.

 

OTOH, my closest friend, recently divorced, and a therapist with 2 masters degrees, has a dd, age 16.5, who she is willing to leave alone for an entire weekend so she (mom) can go on trips! My friend says it's okay because dd doesn't drive, she's in the house all by herself, she can call her dad (he lives about 20 minutes away) if she needs anything, and she's a mature, loner type (so says my friend) who won't let anyone into the house. [The truth is, the mom has not told her ex- about her trips and her dd hasn't told her dad, either]

 

This really bothers me. I usually don't make any kind of judgments but this time I had to, I told my friend that I thought there was a law about leaving minor children alone. My friend checked online and found nothing; she even called her local police, who said there was no law and they would be comfortable leaving their own 16 year-old children alone for the weekend, so my friend considered that enough of a seal of approval.

 

Maybe it wouldn't bother me as much if she were doing it for work reasons but she started doing this while she began her divorce a few months ago and now she is divorced she's going off on shopping trips with her girlfriends, or visiting old friends (both male and female) for boating excursions...everything is fun-based. My friend says her dd is happy to see her mom go and have fun, so there is no guilt.

 

I just don't get it. Am I being too conservative?

 

 

I wouldn't consider it before 16. At 16, depending on the child and circumstances, I'd consider it.

 

I think you are being too conservative, and possibly judgmental.

 

It might help you to know there is a known dynamic/pattern after leaving a marriage of rediscovery that can seem a bit........wild. I saw it in myself and in many others. I don't regret it; I believe it was necessary for my healing.

[cindergretta]

Are you saying you wouldn't leave your 18.5 year old? Or am I misunderstanding? If you are, then IM*O*, you are being radically conservative. But that is your choice! I'm not judging! ;)

 

In terms of the 16 y/o, I know 16 y/os that I would be fine with them alone for a weekend. I know 16 y/os that should NEVER be left alone. Depends on the teen, the family, the enivironment, etc.

 

WHY they were left wouldn't factor into it for me. Business or pleasure, they are still home alone. ;)

[Peela]

I would leave others to themselves. Think back 100 years when 14yo kids had finished school and were out working all day. I think we underestimate our teenagers.

 

And I have NO problem with a divorced mum learning to have fun again with her girlfriends while her almost adult daughter takes care of herself some of the time. Thats a long, long way from neglect, and quite possibly setting a very wonderful example to her daughter. Life is not meant to be sour or completely self sacrificing. Joy is allowed.

Edited June 5, 2011 by Peela

[elegantlion]

Yes, I think you are being conservative. I would have no issue leaving a responsible 16 1/2 year old home on the weekend.

 

Dh and I plan a few test run weekends when ds is older. Sixteen will probably be the age we would start. I trust him and my parents are close.

 

Divorce can leave you angry and bitter. If you've been in a bad marriage for years, you may have forgotten what fun feels like.

[Joanne]

Yes, I think you are being conservative. I would have no issue leaving a responsible 16 1/2 year old home on the weekend.

 

Dh and I plan a few test run weekends when ds is older. Sixteen will probably be the age we would start. I trust him and my parents are close.

 

Divorce can leave you angry and bitter. If you've been in a bad marriage for years, you may have forgotten what fun feels like.

 

 

A bad marriage can leave you angry and bitter. Divorce can be liberating and exhilerhating. ;):lol:

[Wabi Sabi]

My children are nowhere near teenagers yet so I won't even hazard a guess other than a generic "it depends on the child" response.

 

That being said, most of my peers, family and friends were at college by roughly 18.5. AWAY at college, I might add. Without knowing you personally, yes, it seems a bit odd to me that at that age a kid has never spent even one night alone without parental supervision.

[The Girls' Mom]

Considering that I was married and living on my own with my dh at 16...then yeah, I think I would be ok leaving a responsible 16.5 year old home alone for a couple of days. (not advocating marriage at 16 though...lol) Yes things could happen, but they could happen while you are home as well.

[blakereese]

Your DD is an adult. :confused: Yes, I do think you are being conservative.

 

And your friend...she knows her DD and is comfortable leaving her, why are you so concerned? I think 16 is a reasonable age for a young adult to be alone overnight. Of course not all kids are ready at that age, it is definitely a "depends on the child" issue. But that is the time of a young person's life that they need to be given some independence and a safe place to spread their wings.

[Aelwydd]

I think it depends on the teenager. If your friend's dd is fine with it, and is typically responsible and mature, then 16 is old enough.

[texasmama]

My oldest will turn 16 next month. If SHE were comfortable with being left at home alone for the weekend, I would feel comfortable with it. She is responsible and competent to stay alone. If she didn't feel comfortable with it, then I wouldn't do it.

 

My parents left me alone for a couple of days at home when I was 16 to attend an out of town wedding. They took my brother with them. When I was 17, my grandma left town for a few weeks, and my young adult female cousin and I stayed at her house while she was gone. I drove myself to school, my job, church, etc. It was not a problem.

[distancia]

Are you saying you wouldn't leave your 18.5 year old?

 

Yes, I am saying that. We live in a 4000+ sq foot house, filled with antiques and valuables. We have lots of glass (windows, doors, walls) and our home overlooks a lake, in a nature preserve.

 

My husband is not comfortable leaving dd alone in this big house with 7 doors and multiple floor-to-ceiling windows . We are not comfortable leaving dd alone, period. If she had a sibling or trusted friend or cousin we would not worry. But being alone?

 

I do know that even I, as an adult, feel a bit frightened at night, when it is totally dark outside, and I know an outsider can see me--though I can't see him. We have about 60' of exposed glass overlooking a small pond, and an outsider can see our every move in the house.

 

When we were kids my parents left myself (18) and my sister (16.5) alone for a weekend. I was out at the grocery store, picking up supper, and my sister was home doing some homework. One of her "friends" came by to pick up a copy of the assignment, and he attacked my sister, had her pinned to the floor and tried to rape her. Had I not driven up to the house and made some noise, he would have succeeded with my sister.

 

And then there was the time our family home was broken into while we were sitting around watching TV. Mom, dad, sister (17) and me, 19, as well as the family dog. Lots of activity, yet still the intruder slipped into the house, 10 feet away from us, and made his way into our bedrooms, pilfering, while we just talked and laughed and probably ate chips and enjoyed the show. Finally the dog caught on...chased the intruder from the house.

 

Maybe I am conservative in this regard. But in other ways I am not. I allowed dd to ride the Paris metro at age 12, alone, while we were vacationing in Paris, because she had taught herself French and she is a mature young lady. Ditto for the London tube. And when she was younger I let her travel by train, going halfway across the country, making connections and transfers, because she has excellent travel skills and.

 

It's not dd I don't trust--it's other people coming into our home.

Edited June 5, 2011 by distancia

[Joker]

My parents left us home for a weekend before we were 18. I think the first time I was very young and my oldest sibling was probably only 15/16. We never threw a single party or were involved in any trouble. I am finding it hard to let go as much with my own children but hope to do so before they're 18.

[cindergretta]

:confused: I can understand being concerned about people coming into your home. But you let your dd take public transportation around the world and here. Even an excellent traveller can be mugged or kidnapped or raped.

 

I confess, I find it odd that you are more scared in your own home than you are in public situations with little to no safety barriers.

[distancia]

:confused: I can understand being concerned about people coming into your home. But you let your dd take public transportation around the world and here. Even an excellent traveller can be mugged or kidnapped or raped.

 

I confess, I find it odd that you are more scared in your own home than you are in public situations with little to no safety barriers.

 

Paris is remarkably safe, as is most of Europe. The USA, on the other hand...

 

When my dd was younger we had babysitters come to the house. These girls were college-aged and yet, even they were scared at night. When we came home we would find the house ablaze with lights, every room had every light on, TVs going in multiple rooms. All that dark nothingness outside, inside the house it was like being in a fishbowl.

 

Maybe it's bad memories of the past. When younger my husband, a city attorney as well as a bank president and the owner of a mortgage company, was very affluent and well-known in his community. He was held up at knifepoint in his own home, in the middle of the day while reading the Sunday paper. And then shortly thereafter he was robbed at gunpoint and beaten, thrown into a bedroom closet. So between us, yes, we are wary.

Edited June 5, 2011 by distancia

[Joanne]

Paris is remarkably safe, as is most of Europe. The USA, on the other hand...

 

When my dd was younger we had babysitters come to the house. These girls were college-aged and yet, even they were scared at night. When we came home we would find the house ablaze with lights, every room had every light on, TVs going in multiple rooms. All that dark nothingness outside, inside the house it was like being in a fishbowl.

 

Maybe it's bad memories of the past. When younger my husband, a city attorney as well as a bank president and the owner of a mortgage company, was very affluent and well-known in his community. He was held up at knifepoint in his own home, in the middle of the day while reading the Sunday paper. And then shortly thereafter he was robbed at gunpoint and beaten, thrown into a bedroom closet. So between us, yes, we are wary.

 

All of your stories and reports of violence and theft are statistically unlikely to have happened in your constellation of people.

 

I read in your OP as much judgment about your friend's choices and lifestyle as I did concern for her dd.

 

Your own dd can move out and start her own autonomous life, yet you won't leave her alone?

 

ETA: Is my data out of date? I thought Paris was a huge theft risk for foreign travellers? That is what we were told when my xMIL went about 10 years ago.

[distancia]

I've thought some more about this.

 

We don't have a problem "letting" our dd do things--heck, she even sleeps over her boyfriend's house sometimes, and all we ask is that she calls us/texts us, so we don't wake up in the middle of the night worrying that she's driven into a ditch or something. Common courtesy is the rule for all in our household

 

What we do have is a problem leaving our house unattended or under-secured. This is a very large house and if someone were to break in on one end it could not be heard at the other end. We have antique silk tapestries worth thousands of dollars hung on the walls, as well as high-end art, jewelery, etc. I think it is a matter of becoming a prisoner of one's possessions.

 

The other thing is, what bothers me about my friend is that she is going off with men for the weekend. I didn't want to get into it, but she was the one who wanted the divorce and while she was getting divorced she was starting to have affairs. I think it's very wrong to leave your minor child alone just to go shack up with a guy for a weekend fling. What kind of message is she sending her daughter, who is well aware of what is going on? And although she's been divorced for only 2 months she is now on her 3rd "man", and a married one at that.

 

Yes, I am being judgmental.

 

BTW, we've traveled all over the world to some pretty hardcore places--Managua, Nicaragua; Lima, Peru; Guatemala City; Johannesubrg--and the ONLY place we have EVER had troubles was in the USA.

Edited June 5, 2011 by distancia

[OnTheBrink]

My son was 17 when he was left alone over night for the first time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You have had violence in your past. It is understandable that you would have fears as a result. But fears can handicap us. (I say this as a r*pe survivor but not as a result of staying home alone).

 

If my living situation were to invite theft etc. I guess I would be proactive and change my living situation esp. as it sounds like you have the means. Has there been a lot of theft or home invasions in your area? If not, I would suspect that your past is coloring your perception of the safety of your home.

 

(None of this, however, has any bearing on the decisions of your friend.)

[cindergretta]

I grew up in Europe. I am familliar...

 

But you also stated that she has travelled half way across this country, known for crime.

 

If your house is such a huge risk to life and limb, perhaps you need better security? I guess I honestly (not snarky) do NOT understand living in a house that is perceived to be so unsafe. I want my dc to be at their safest in their own home, not a bus station or train terminal. :confused:

 

As for the other mother in your OP, it is her life. And if she wants to indulge in whatever, that is her business. If her dd were 10, my take would be so different. But 16.5, meh. That is between them. If the dd didn't like it, I suppose she could tell her dad or stay with a friend or invite a friend over...

[Jean in Newcastle]

 

Yes, I am being judgmental.

 

I might have that judgment privately (ie. in my mind only). BUT I would realize that my judgment on the situation is not one made with all the facts. And I would realize that my judgment of the situation would only apply to those things that directly affected me and my children. So - I would not allow my kids to stay over in a house that had a revolving door to men that I didn't know, for example. But beyond that - what does your judgment do? It could make you rethink your friendship with the person and decide to move on. But if you stay in the friendship, your judgment won't help your friend, it will only frustrate you and potentially alienate your friend.

[cindergretta]

The other thing is, what bothers me about my friend is that she is going off with men for the weekend. I didn't want to get into it, but she was the one who wanted the divorce and while she was getting divorced she was starting to have affairs. I think it's very wrong to leave your minor child alone just to go shack up with a guy for a weekend fling. What kind of message is she sending her daughter, who is well aware of what is going on? And although she's been divorced for only 2 months she is now on her 3rd "man", and a married one at that.

 

Yes, I am being judgmental.

 

I think this is the real issue. You are extremely disgruntled and totally disapprove of how this woman is leading her life and parenting her dd. You are entitled to your opinions and many probably share them, to some extent or other. :grouphug: (I do, to a certain extent.)

[Trish]

I feel as you do (OP) about leaving kids home alone, but in some states you can get married at 16. I would think a mature high schooler with a support system could handle it.

[Mom0012]

Yes, I am saying that. We live in a 4000+ sq foot house, filled with antiques and valuables. We have lots of glass (windows, doors, walls) and our home overlooks a lake, in a nature preserve.

 

My husband is not comfortable leaving dd alone in this big house with 7 doors and multiple floor-to-ceiling windows . We are not comfortable leaving dd alone, period. If she had a sibling or trusted friend or cousin we would not worry. But being alone?

 

I do know that even I, as an adult, feel a bit frightened at night, when it is totally dark outside, and I know an outsider can see me--though I can't see him. We have about 60' of exposed glass overlooking a small pond, and an outsider can see our every move in the house.

 

When we were kids my parents left myself (18) and my sister (16.5) alone for a weekend. I was out at the grocery store, picking up supper, and my sister was home doing some homework. One of her "friends" came by to pick up a copy of the assignment, and he attacked my sister, had her pinned to the floor and tried to rape her. Had I not driven up to the house and made some noise, he would have succeeded with my sister.

 

And then there was the time our family home was broken into while we were sitting around watching TV. Mom, dad, sister (17) and me, 19, as well as the family dog. Lots of activity, yet still the intruder slipped into the house, 10 feet away from us, and made his way into our bedrooms, pilfering, while we just talked and laughed and probably ate chips and enjoyed the show. Finally the dog caught on...chased the intruder from the house.

 

Maybe I am conservative in this regard. But in other ways I am not. I allowed dd to ride the Paris metro at age 12, alone, while we were vacationing in Paris, because she had taught herself French and she is a mature young lady. Ditto for the London tube. And when she was younger I let her travel by train, going halfway across the country, making connections and transfers, because she has excellent travel skills and.

 

It's not dd I don't trust--it's other people coming into our home.

 

Based on your experiences, I can understand why you feel the way you do. Personally, I would feel comfortable leaving a responsible 16 yo at home and definitely an 18 yo. I was babysitting other people's children until late into the night when I was 12 and my parents left me alone for the day when I was 13.

 

Lisa

[Mrs Mungo]

Your complaints don't really seem to have anything to do with the question you ask. So...I find myself hard-pressed to come up with an answer?

[nmoira]

I wouldn't consider it before 16. At 16, depending on the child and circumstances, I'd consider it.

This.

[SonshineLearner]

I stayed for weekends babysitting before I could drive. (I started driving at exactly 16) I was fine... the kids stayed up late... slept in late... were pretty naughty... but it worked ;)

[Jennifer]

heck, she even sleeps over her boyfriend's house sometimes

 

What we do have is a problem leaving our house unattended or under-secured. This is a very large house and if someone were to break in on one end it could not be heard at the other end. We have antique silk tapestries worth thousands of dollars hung on the walls, as well as high-end art, jewelery, etc.

 

It seems to me you are more worried about leaving your possessions home alone than leaving your daughter alone.

 

IMO, I'd be more concerned about the sleepovers at the boyfriend's than the security of the wall hangings.

 

Jennifer

[Mrs Mungo]

It seems to me you are more worried about leaving your possessions home alone than leaving your daughter alone.

 

IMO, I'd be more concerned about the sleepovers at the boyfriend's than the security of the wall hangings.

 

Jennifer

 

I think she was saying that she was worried that the expensive things in the house would potentially make it a target for thieves.

[annandatje]

Generally an 18 year old possesses maturity and good judgment to stay home alone.

 

If you have invested in valuable art and jewelry, surely you have a state of the art security system that would sound loud sirens and activate revolving illumination system while simultaneously directly notifying nearest police station. Advanced surveillance and detection systems are not easily disarmed these days. You live in a gated community with neighbors on each side of you within 15 feet. Our home is over 4,000 s.f. and the alarm will wake us from sound sleep with earplugs.

 

What do you need to feel safe in your own home? Maybe one of these $35,000 - $65,000 handsome dogs would provide you with sense of security you seem to be lacking.

 

http://www.cck9.com/therightlevel/III.php

 

It probably would be wise to keep quiet and discreet about your possessions if you are fearful of theft. If they're causing you disproportionate anxiety, donate them to a charity auction to simplify your life and enrich the lives of others.

[Lolly]

I cannot imagine not being able to leave a normal 18 yo home alone. A 16 yo? Depends on the kid, but mine would all be fine with it. As to the original question, I believe we left one of our dd's home alone overnight when she was 14. She was fine with it; we were fine with it. (We did have grandparents who live a street over.)

 

Personally, there is no way that I would live in a home that had so many expensive material possessions in it that I could not feel safe. I would find a secure storage facility or get rid of them in some manner in order to live a life that I didn't worry about someone breaking in to rob me constantly.

Edited June 5, 2011 by Lolly

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Over 16. I still think I'll feel very concerned to do so when that age comes.

[Chris in VA]

It seems to me that your experiences have led you to feel unsafe. I don't doubt that, had your experiences happened on public transportation, you'd ban that. Seems kinda normal to have those feelings, but letting them sort of rule your life would lead me to deal with the incidences and the fear--I would not want to be held captive in my own home by the past.

 

As far as your friend's revolving Man Door, and the message it sends to her daughter--Hmmm. You let your daughter spend the night at her boyfriend's house. What message are you sending? Pot to Kettle: "Black."

[Wabi Sabi]

Honestly? I can't imagine staying in a home for years as you have if you're living in constant fear. Surely with your impressive financial means you're able to move to another home that provides you a better sense of security. Or, invest in a better home alarm system and some window coverings for your 60' windows.

[newbie]

If you have a good alarm company and live in a gated community and she is over 18, I would leave her alone.

 

Just give her the rules, if she sees anything conspicous, press the alarm button, and have it on when she is home.

[Haiku]

Am I being too conservative?

 

I think you are in regards to your own daughter, who is legally an adult. I was living on my own in a college town at that age. I think your fears are out of proportion to the risk of leaving an adult home alone.

 

As for your friend's daughter ... well, I would leave my 16.5 year old home alone for one night, and it's really my business alone under which circumstances I would do so. I think you're being a wee bit judgmental.

 

ETA: Read more into the thread. Um ... kinda stumped as to what to say. If your home is so fantastically extravagant and filled with such precious inanimate objects that it makes you feel unsafe to live there ... um ... :confused: But honestly I think a more realistic fear would be your dd becoming pregnant while staying with her boyfriend ... but I have no objections to a legal adult staying with her boyfriend ... so ...

 

Your thread was titled, "At what age would you leave your child home, alone, overnight?" but your post seems to have little to do with that.

 

Tara

Edited June 5, 2011 by TaraTheLiberator

[texasmama]

Honestly? I can't imagine staying in a home for years as you have if you're living in constant fear. Surely with your impressive financial means you're able to move to another home that provides you a better sense of security. Or, invest in a better home alarm system and some window coverings for your 60' windows.

 

:iagree: Living in fear is not worth any amount of priceless artwork or tapestries. Why have things which you feel put you at risk for being a victim of crime?

[WishboneDawn]

I think you know what's going on here, you said something about being a victim of your possessions. :)

 

I think you're probably a great assessor of risk when it comes to other places. You tale of letting your daughter on the Paris metro was an example of that. You've not let the reputations of certain places stop you from traveling there. But when you get home it's a different matter, after all, those other places, "are not the US."

 

I think that maybe once you come home your risk assessment skills sort of go to pot. Everything else is fairly unfamiliar so you can be objective but not so with your home country. If you were objective the things you would be saying to yourself are things like the overall crime rate in the US may be rather high but where I am it's not as big a factor and I live in a gated community and we have expensive things but people outside our home don't know that and my daughter can be trusted to lock the doors and call for help if anything happens.

 

Instead you're focusing on those possessions and a perception of crime that may not be realistic where you live.

 

I don't think there's anything horrible about all that. If you don't feel safe leaving your 18 yr old home then you just don't and she's not going to suffer from it. If you do at some point think it's a big deal then you might want to rethink all those possessions because they do seem to have a disproportionate weight on your decisions but frankly, I don't think there's any permanent damage that's going to be done to your daughter by not leaving her alone for a night. You sound like pretty good parents that have given her some awesome opportunities, this is just one quirk.

 

The one thing I would say is not to weight that decision against your friend's choices regarding her daughter. I think you know you're a little off in your choice not to leave your daughter alone and you're holding up this other friend's choice to justify your own. I say this because it's something I do myself. I find it easier sometimes to justify my actions by condemning someone else rather then just face up to why I do what I do.

 

But the trick is that you don't need to justify your choice. For whatever reason you don't let your daughter stay home, it's not anything horrible. It won't scar her and it gives you some peace of mind. Maybe it's a bit of a flawed reason but frankly, everyone here makes some parenting decisions based on flawed, fractured, biased reasoning, whether they admit it or not ;), and we don't need to seek out justification for it.

 

I think your friend's daughter will be fine and I think your daughter will be fine. :)

Edited June 5, 2011 by WishboneDawn

[....]

I would leave others to themselves. Think back 100 years when 14yo kids had finished school and were out working all day. I think we underestimate our teenagers.

 

 

:iagree: Did you read Farmer Boy? That kid was 9 and able to run the farm by himself.

 

I left home at 17, joined the army and was shooting rifles and anti-tank weapons all day. At 19, I was living in a hostile fire zone in the Middle East. :glare:

[LidiyaDawn]

Just in answering the original question from the title (although the thread seems to be about more than just that) - our ds12 will never stay home alone overnight (special needs) but I'd trust dd14 to do so right now. She's mature, responsible, and capable. She'd just hang out, watch a movie, text friends…pretty much the same stuff she does every night after the rest of us have gone to bed. (She stays awake much later than we do)

 

She hasn't done it, as there hasn't been a need for it, but I would trust her if the situation required it. :)

[clarkacademy]

Your complaints don't really seem to have anything to do with the question you ask. So...I find myself hard-pressed to come up with an answer?

 

 

WHAT?? You always have the answer! I come here to read what you write. You always write the best stuff, really you do. Your posts are rarely judgemental just facts in a no nonsense way and I love it, especially when you are telling someone nope sorry your wrong. But you do it so well it is just awesome.

[abbeyej]

I cannot *imagine* feeling such fear in my own home! That strikes me as the real problem in all the things you've written. You would feel more comfortable letting a 12yo navigate the London or Paris subway systems alone than leaving an adult overnight in your own home?!? Wow.

 

Your past experiences are certainly unfortunate and I can see how they would make you fearful, but your reactions truly aren't rational or logical. Unless your house truly is the target you think it is and as insecure as you believe it to be -- in which case, I'd want to make a significant *change* and soon.

 

As to your friend leaving her responsible 16.5yo alone overnight? Give her a break.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I cannot *imagine* feeling such fear in my own home! That strikes me as the real problem in all the things you've written. You would feel more comfortable letting a 12yo navigate the London or Paris subway systems alone than leaving an adult overnight in your own home?!? Wow.

 

Your past experiences are certainly unfortunate and I can see how they would make you fearful, but your reactions truly aren't rational or logical. Unless your house truly is the target you think it is and as insecure as you believe it to be -- in which case, I'd want to make a significant *change* and soon.

 

As to your friend leaving her responsible 16.5yo alone overnight? Give her a break.

 

:iagree: The main issue here seems to be that you don't feel comfortable in your own home. As most of our neighbors, we have no precious artwork, no nice jewelry or any other valuables that anyone would be interested in, yet several houses on our street were broken into and computers, cell phones and cash were stolen. This kind of thing can happen anywhere. It's probably less likely to happen in your house because a thief would assume you have a security system in place. The question about your adult daughter staying home alone is not the real question. I think you need some counseling to get over your post traumatic stress.

[regentrude]

I agree: 18 is no problem, not even 16 (I was 15 and going on vacations with my friends)

 

It seems to me that your issue is not your DD, but your stuff. Get an alarm system, a dog, something. Or get rid of the expensive stuff that holds you hostage and makes you be afraid in your own house.

And get realistic: how much protection, do you think, would YOUR presence in the house afford your DD against a gang of armed robbers?

[JFSinIL]

My problem wouldn't be with leaving the dd home alone - it would be with the other teens who may show up if they learn she is home alone! A gated community would be no obstacle to teens wanting a party!

 

I still remember watching the film 16 Candles and what the teens did partying in the one house while the parents were away. !!!!!!!!!!!! My dd, 17, had 20-some teens here in the backyard Friday from 6 until a tad after midnight and hubby and I were in major hover mode from inside the house. :-)

 

 

Now as to your house - I assume you DO have an alarm system. Could you also invest in a metal shutter system??? When we stayed in Milan years ago friend's townhome came with roll-down metal shutters that covered each window and provided total protection and privacy. I would be creeped out. too, to have uncovered windows at night. http://www.enviroblind.com/roll-down-shutters.html

 

http://www.qmiusa.com/Home.aspx

Edited June 5, 2011 by JFSinIL

[Tarreymere]

Depends on the kid, but as a general rule of thumb I think sixteen is usually a good age to consider leaving a child alone overnight. Heck, I was barely turned seventeen and I was on active duty in the Army. Is your daughter comfortable with the idea of being home alone? I understand being very protective of a dearly loved child, but honestly at this point your daughter is an adult. A young, inexperienced adult, but an adult.

[Mommy22alyns]

:confused: At 18.5 I was living on my own. At 16 or so, I was left alone for a few days. I also have to agree on the pot/kettle thing. You're judging your adult friend for her behavior, yet allowing your own daughter to sleep over at her boyfriend's? Confusing.

[TheAutumnOak]

I have read the entire thread and it does seem like the issue is you don't feel comfortable leaving your DD in your home...Your friend may not see her home as unsafe, therefore she is fine leaving her 16 year old home alone...

The bigger concern would be your daughter spending the night at her boyfriend's home...That could potentially lead to more problems than being home overnight...The only people I know who spent nights together without having s-x is Fran and Mr. Sheffield...But the reality is if she was left home alone, the boyfriend would be there with her within half hour after you left :tongue_smilie:

That being said, I am not sure if I personally would leave a 16 year old home alone for a weekend...When I was a young adult in my 20's I remember staying over families houses who were going away for the weekend to be at home with their teenagers...I think it was a good choice, so I would probably do the same with my 16 year old boys...18 is an adult though, so I can't speak on that...

[amy g.]

I have left my 16 year old here overnight. Sometimes I ask her to walk across the creek and sleep at a neighbor's house, but I probably won't do that any more because last time, the neighbor threatened not to give her back.