Hypothetical Life Choice is coming up....What would you do?

[ezrabean2005]

Please read before you vote....some may know a little about our family. We have four children and homeschool. My DH and I own and he runs a cafe that we've had for about five years. I also work full time outside of the home and we homeschool in the evening year round.

 

The cafe has been going well, but we are looking to expand (so I can just work at the cafe rather than working for a corporation). So that's one thing we are moving towards, rather slowly though.

 

Yesterday, DH told me he was approached by someone we know who offered him a job where he'll be making six figures. For perspective's sake, we've NEVER made anything close to that combined. In his prior life (before the cafe), he was a stockbroker so still has some connections.

 

The downside is he would need to travel all but 5 days a month. I told him that would be incredibly hard because it would change everything I love about our family (everyone being together at the end of the day). He said that then I could be home and not have to work at all outside of the home. I said that to me it would not be worth it.

 

Then he brought up about me coming with (all of us). We would just then travel with him all the time. I said that would make things completely different since our family would stay together. He said the downside is that we'd have to sell everything we own and have no real homebase.

 

Then the matter dropped.....I'm not sure how serious he is taking this offer. I think he is tempted by it and he has wanted me to stop working a long time ago (I've always worked full time+ since having kids, although not by our choice but by necessity).

 

So....what would you do? What do you think? (poll to follow)

[elegantlion]

Sell it all and go. Once in a lifetime opportunity. Dh and I considered it, but we could never find a decent traveling job in his industry. But we love to travel.

[Jean in Newcastle]

In theory I would love the sell everything and go with him choice. But in reality for me and our kids that would have huge things that would make it not work - health issues, personalities that don't like change, ties to the community that would be really hard to give up etc. So much of it depends on your personalities as to whether you would thrive doing something like that or wither up and die.

[meggie]

I would sell it and go with him. That is the dream I've always had and I would consider it an amazing opportunity.

[JudoMom]

Could you sell the cafe and travel with him part time?

[mo2]

Sell it all and go. Once in a lifetime opportunity. Dh and I considered it, but we could never find a decent traveling job in his industry. But we love to travel.

 

:iagree:

[rafiki]

.

[Diana B]

I'd hop on an opportunity of traveling with DH like that. But for some people, it just doesn't work. Could you sell cafe, downsize house (if necessary/possible) and travel with DH but still have a home base so you have the choice not to travel if necessary?

 

The other issue if you are constantly traveling, ie in a different city every night - or if you go to one place for a week than somewhere else. I think every night is different could get kind of old. But if you are able to stay in one spot for a time - it would be much easier.

[scrapbookbuzz]

You really need to plan some time alone with your dh to discuss the various options and come to an agreement. You may also want to get your kids input before the discussion with dh. Ultimately, the decision is up to you and your dh but your kids may provide insight to issues you didn't know were there.

 

While it sounds like you are comfortable in your lifestyle right now, it sounds like your dh, and maybe you, too, would like to know what it's like to experience a 6 figure income. And if you're all travelling together, think of the places you'll see! Travelling like that is many a homeschooler's dream!

[LidiyaDawn]

So....what would you do? What do you think? (poll to follow)

 

six figure income + travel = go for it! :D

 

Your kids are plenty old enough to be a homeschooling-on-the-go type of family, and what a unique experience it would be!

[mrs.m]

The jobs that require travel pay top dollar! That's the plus side. Take the money out of the equation though to find the answer.

 

We traveled with DH for awhile. It was fun at first. But it was tiring because I'm a home body. The children missed their friends and there was little potential for friendships while we lived in hotels. We still had our homebase though.

 

And I can assure you that living without DH through most of the month is even harder. I could cope but it was difficult. I had to deal with everything on my own.

 

Fortunately, our situation has worked out for the better and we are settled together in one place with DH too! He didn't have to change jobs.

 

It sounds like a tough choice.

[Cheryl in NM]

Sell and go! What an opportunity! Can you say "live" history? Can you imagine the lessons you can teach your kids? The places you can visit? Wow, I'm jealous!

 

Instead of selling the cafe, could you hire a manager? Could you keep an RV in a park for a "home base"? This is time to think outside the box.

[Starr]

The traveling would be fun for a while but eventually the kids wouldn't have regular activities, lessons or whatever. I could see it for a year but for 5 I'm not so sure. Is it a guaranteed salary? I would not have him gone all the time for any money. That lifestyle is really not family friendly and then you get used to the money and he gets used to traveling and....

[blakereese]

Where would you be traveling? And how? (plane? driving?) And where would you stay? I know some of these expenses would be covered for your DH, but what about the rest of the family? Will the company pay to have lodging that will hold 6 adults?

 

I know he would be making a lot of money, and you wouldn't have too many bills if you really did sell it all and go. But think about what you would spend living out "on the road", whether it is plane tickets, gas, meals, places to stay, etc.

 

Also, the stress involved will come at a price, too. With everyone not having their own space, how will that play out? And how long will this go on? Just things to think about.

 

It could be quite an amazing opportunity if all of the details fall into place. I'm happy for you, just to have the possibility is so exciting!

[momof165]

I'd be packing and wouldn't hesitate!

:iagree:

[OLG]

If your kids were really young, I'd opt for the travel option. Personally, while it is appealing to think about picking up and moving all around, it takes a certain kind of spirit to actually do that in reality. I am not that type of person. I like structure and order or a semblance of it at least ;) Is the travel dh would be doing all out of state? Does he drive? Fly? Anyway to work it out so he could be home more often or at least on all weekends? As someone who did this type of travel for a living back in the last century, it does get old. I would encourage you both to take a long and hard look at all the 'issues' surrounding the new position. Giving up a business you have built would be a huge one fore me!

[Josie]

I don't know what you should do. I can tell you from experience that constant travel can become very tedious, but it is also fun. I know that sound like a contradiction, but both are true.

 

The children will have no stable friends. You will not have a stable church. You will be nomads. Hotel rooms are only fun for short stays. A hotel room is cramped quarters when living in them constantly. Laundry is a hassle. Learning where things are can be a challenge when you have to do it once a month or however long you will stay in one place.

 

You really need to pare down on your essentials. It gets old lugging lots of luggage around all the time. School books would need to be kept to a minimum. Perhaps a computer based program would work nicely for school.

 

It is great to learn about the culture of the different places. Getting to go to different museums, landmarks, etc. is awesome and will not be soon forgotten.

 

I am just saying that it can be a wonderful lifestyle, but don't go into it with rose colored glasses because they will break quickly! Life still goes on. People still get sick. Children still get tired of being together. Cars still break down. You get the drift.

[Kim in Appalachia]

I would not sell everything and travel. That life is very hard on kids. Some kids do great with it, some need more stability. It would be hard for the kids to make any meaningful connections outside of your family if all you did was travel. It would be hard for them ever to be involved in anything.

 

I know I would not want my dh traveling constantly just so I could stay home, but I also know that it would be tempting to do that. I guess that option would be ok if I thought the traveling job would lead to a non traveling job in the near future.

 

And then there is your cafe. If that is something you both have always wanted, it would be hard to give that up. Being in business for yourself is hard, but does have some advantages. You may never have another opportunity to build something that succeeds (I mean, since you said the business has been doing well and may expand. Many small businesses don't make it).

 

Really, it's a decision based on what you want as a family. Does your dh want to be a small business owner, or does he really want back into the corporate world? Are your children the kind who would just love to travel all the time, or do you think they would want friends and involvement outside the home (sports, co-ops, scouts, etc...)?

[Impish]

If it wasn't for health issues, I could see traveling.

 

There's no way we'd manage Daddy being home 5 days a month though. Nothing on the planet would make that worthwhile for us.

[Swirl]

The downside is he would need to travel all but 5 days a month.

 

I've known people where this has worked out just fine. But for us, I think it would be a matter of time before it destroyed our marriage. I wouldn't trade our marriage for any amount of money.

 

Then he brought up about me coming with (all of us). We would just then travel with him all the time. I said that would make things completely different since our family would stay together. He said the downside is that we'd have to sell everything we own and have no real homebase.

 

If it were a serious job offer that DH would enjoy, we'd be putting the signs in the lawn today.

[ezrabean2005]

I don't know a lot about the job yet. Yesterday when DH and I talked about it, it was just a big idea being thrown at us from out of the blue. I don't know about if it is regional, but it does sound like he'd be driving vs. flying. I brought up the idea of RV'ing so we'd have some "home base". That's when we both stopped talking and just started thinking separately. :001_smile:

 

If DH didn't want to do it, I wouldn't even consider it. But I think he may be considering it. For me and for our family's personalities, it does sound exciting (haven't breathed a word to the kids, of course). We'd be leaving estranged family in this state, but we have much closer family in OK and AR. Although I don't know if we'd even get that far in traveling.

 

For me personally I'd be very excited. But I don't want to pressure him since he's the one who'd have to do the job. I don't know if he wants to do it or not yet. He doesn't sound against it.

 

This is really good food for thought: having a manager instead of selling the cafe, etc. Thanks for your experiences and perspectives. I'm open to anything....:bigear:

[DawnM]

Is this a secure job offer? I mean, will the employer change his mind in a year or the company go under and your DH will lose his job.

 

Job security is HUGE to me and would be my deciding factor.

 

Dawn

[ezrabean2005]

Is this a secure job offer? I mean, will the employer change his mind in a year or the company go under and your DH will lose his job.

 

Job security is HUGE to me and would be my deciding factor.

 

Dawn

 

 

That's another good point. This is really good to know what questions we should be asking.

 

We rent, so selling a home isn't an issue. We actually intentionally rent so that we can move if we want (so that would work for this).

 

Now if DH never brings it up again, I'll know he isn't that interested. Usually I can read him pretty well on things, but this is a new one.

[Carrie12345]

I would need to know SO many more details first.

 

Dh's job involves some travel, and he could easily take on more if we wanted that. The majority of it involves leaving at the drop of a hat, and about 50% of that is by plane. If we didn't have pets, we'd probably take a few of those trips with him, but there's no way the kids and I could cope with such an erratic schedule on a full-time basis. And we definitely couldn't afford to do it for the flying trips, even at 6 figures.

[JessieC]

I know I wouldn't be happy travelling all the time. Even though I would miss dh, it would be worth it to me to have financial security and be able to focus all my attention on homeschooling (I'm a working mom too and hate having to juggle it all--I'd love to be a sahm only!) So I voted sell cafe and dh takes new job.

[SonshineLearner]

Wow, if you sell everything and go, would you be debt free? (and with some to sock away?) I would be tempted to do that! Would you fly all out together? Have a travel home? Where would you be traveling??? I think it sounds exciting... tempting... WOW.. :)

[fairfarmhand]

I'd go with him. I would keep a home base though... It's nice to have a place to have Christmas. And if somebody gets sick or whatever you;d need some sort of home.

 

I'd be more likely to travel every other week with my dh.

[usetoschool]

I don't think 5 years would work, for us anyway. Can you turn the management of the cafe over to someone else for a year and try it out? Can you rent out your house to someone you trust? Where will he be traveling? Same places over and over or all around? And is there anything interesting to do and see in the places he will be? Six people in a motor home is a lot I think. A lot of clothes, a lot of school supplies, a lot of in your face all.the.time. Do the kids get along well enough to be that close together every single day?

 

Personally, this has always been a little dream in the back of my mind but there are a lot of logistics to discuss and work out and a lot of questions to ask. If you did 5 years your oldest would be in college by the end - where is home for him?

 

That is a really hard decision and I don't envy you because my heart says wow, what a great adventure but my head say, holy cow, how am I going to work out all the details.

[bookfiend]

If the cafe is a profitable venture, I would sell the house and keep the cafe. Hire someone to run it, check in once a month or so. Travel with hubby - invaluable experience for your family.

[TheReader]

I'd want to know a lot more about the type of travel and what your dh would be doing on those trips before I could vote for that option.

 

My dh travels somewhere between 25% and 50% of the time, and when we are able, we do go with him. Here is what that looks like though.

 

He goes to meetings during the day, so the kids and I are in a hotel room. He might come home for lunch, depending on where he is (one city we go to often, the employees all eat at home, so he's able to ditch them and eat lunch with us; other places, he has to entertain the customers/clients and thus take them the lunch).

 

He may or may not have dinner meetings, and usually we are not invited on those outings. Only on rare instances is it appropriate for family to come along to a dinner meeting. Very rare instances. If he has no dinner meetings, then we do get to spend evenings together, eating dinner and then heading back to the hotel to hang out.

 

Travel sounds exotic and nice and "we'd be together all the time" and all that, but in reality, spending your days in hotels, and paying for all your meals out (because to do this on the up & up, your dh's travel expenses would be covered but NOT your family's expenses). That means any cost above what his room would cost, you cover. Any eating out, his portion of the meal is covered, not yours. Any food expenses you & the children have during the day, not covered. Etc. It would eat up your 6 figure income pretty quickly if you do this honestly.

 

Hotels and restaurants and few home cooked meals gets old, fast. We've only done at the most 10 days at a time and it gets old. Now, in the US maybe there are better facilities -- many extended stay type places offer suites with kitchens and self-serve laundry/laundromat style washers/dryers, so you could be a bit more "at home" than we can be here, but still.

 

All that said, I'm glad my dh only travels as much as he does (usually he is closer to the 25% mark, and at times not at all, and only rarely like the last 3 months has it approached the 50% mark) and that he's home every evening for dinner and bedtime and hanging out on weekends etc. We've friends with much higher salaries and equally higher travel schedules and there husbands are rarely home and have poor relationships with their children. I'd not take their life over ours not for all the money in the world, even if we could travel with, because traveling with is just so different than what you think it might be like.

 

Not to mention it's very unpredictable. Every time dh travels, with our without us, he takes at least clothes for expected length of stay plus at least one extra day. If a simple overnight, he takes 3 days of clothes. Every time. If a week trip, he takes 7 to 8 rather than 5. Every time. Why?? Because he's needed it enough times to know to take it just in case.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd opt to keep things as they are and just work on building that savings so you could work only at the cafe &/or eventually stay home. Or encourage your dh to pursue a job in this field that doesn't require so much travel. I wouldn't encourage him to take the traveling job, unless you sense that he just really really really really needs to do this for some reason.

[mrs.m]

:iagree:with TheReader!!!! For us it wasn't your normal family road trip where we all got to go site seeing. It was mostly a hassle and a lot of disappointment because DH was there to work and to work as much as possible in the time he had with the client. We held off on some things for the weekends but that meant days hanging out in a hotel room or finding a library. We also couldn't go site seeing every day because of the admission costs. That all adds up quickly even on a 6 figure salary!

 

It wasn't at all glamorous and fun. A lot of people told me they would be jealous and I thought it would be great. It wasn't the worst thing ever either. We did have some fun but much of it was still without DH.

[creekland]

I would sell it and go with him. That is the dream I've always had and I would consider it an amazing opportunity.

 

:iagree: This would pretty much be my dream life. I'm not a homebody and staying put for as long as we have (15 years) has been tough even with my working part time in a job I usually love!

 

BUT, if it's not "you" think carefully before you do it.

[StartingOver]

We are working towards being able to travel in a few years. I would not hesitate to sell everything, and take off. I would follow my husband around, taking time to show my children about all the wonderful places we would see. I wouldn't even have to think about it.

 

Having done this before though, I will tell you that it will be hardest on your teen. Have you asked the kids what they would like? You could approach it as going for a year, then settling back down if it didn't work out. We were on the road for 5 years, before my teen really started wanting to stop. She wanted to make more constant friends, connections, a job, & etc.

[cathmom]

What about you running the cafe?

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Ya know they make some REALLY nice motorhomes these days! I would absolutely sell it and go. The money- the opportunity of travel, it would be amazing! Dh and I have talked about this before because this is a possibility in his line of work some day.

[Mejane]

I think you'd get awfully tired of living out of a suitcase. Dh does it; he hates it. We've gone to conferences with him, and it's pretty much the way TheReader described it. I can do it for a few days, but I'd never want to make it our life.

 

We'd probably take the new job, but we're used to dh being gone a lot. If you love your life with the cafe and don't mind continuing to work and you want your dh around, I'd say stick with that.

[LizzyBee]

If he takes the job, I would not sell everything. Kids and I would travel with him sometimes but not all the time. Travel gets old fast!

[Danestress]

Do you like working? Do you want to not work?

 

Does he want to take this job? Does he want it for himself and think he would like it, or does he just want the money?

 

I would not want to keep my husband from a professional opportunity that he really wanted. I think that can have negative consequences that I don't want to deal with. So how much he wanted this would be a big factor for me.

 

But I also would not want my children to have no "home base." When you say you could "go with him" in terms of travel, does that mean you could change your home base and also follow him some places? Or does that mean you would have no home base and would have no real "home?"

 

For my kids, that would be a huge negative. Even though I can see all the advantages of travel opportunities and family bonding, I am not the only thing my 13 year old sons care about. A permanent state of travel means they could never study with the same music teacher or the same coach in sports. They couldn't take a Latin class in person or compete on a team. It would mean they could never see family or friends regularly and would not have a church. My children have a whole life. If I moved them, they would have to build a whole new life. But if I told them we weren't really going to live anywhere, they couldn't really build a life around a place and a community. They would have to build it around their Dad and me. At 13, that could be a real challenge and I would have to do a lot of soul searching with them on that. Also, travel is expensive. It would have to be a pretty high six figure salary to make that particularly fun. A low six figure salary could get eaten up pretty quickly with travel costs (though I guess if you have no home to pay rent or a mortgage on, that really helps!)

 

So I would move if DH's job needed that. But I am not sure I would take on a totally nomadic life for more than a few months. I would consider it if the places DH was working were really incredibly amazing opportunities. I would do a year or two this way in another part of the world. And I would gladly move my family abroad but I would still prefer a place that is "home base" abroad. I can't see living out of hotels all the time and having no relationships to sustain us.

[LibraryLover]

Other, I think. :)

 

My dh travels, but not nearly that much. I can't imagine being together only 5 days a month. I give military families a lot of credit! ( Is that 5 weekdays? Does it mean he can't come home weekends?)

 

Is there a way to travel sometimes but not always? Family travel is somewheat difficult now that my children are older. Travel was much easier with younger children who don't have commitments outside the family.

 

Would all the travel involve hotels and eating out, or would there be company apartments?

 

Do the kids like adventure or are they homebodies?

Edited May 10, 2011 by LibraryLover

[QuirkyKapers]

Sell and go! Traveling together you will create memories that will last and the kids will learn so much!

[creekland]

Travel gets old fast!

 

This depends on personality. Travel NEVER gets old for me or any of my guys (hubby or boys). But I know people who hate ALL travel and plenty of in between. It all depends on the person.

[happypamama]

I would not want to be away from DH for all but five days a month, no matter how much money. The exception would be if it was for a year or two and would let us put away a LOT of money, then it might be worth it for a short time.

 

I also don't think I'd want to be traveling continually. It sounds like fun, but I think it would probably get old quickly (and expensive).

 

I think I'd be looking into keeping the cafe, and maybe hiring a manager at least part-time, so that I could quit my other job. Then the kids and I could travel with DH some of the time but not *have* to.

[LibraryLover]

Ya know they make some REALLY nice motorhomes these days! I would absolutely sell it and go. The money- the opportunity of travel, it would be amazing! Dh and I have talked about this before because this is a possibility in his line of work some day.

 

 

But I'm betting work wants him to get to that Chicago meeting in a few hours, not a few days or weeks. :)

[LND1218]

I would not want to be away from DH for all but five days a month, no matter how much money. The exception would be if it was for a year or two and would let us put away a LOT of money, then it might be worth it for a short time.

 

I also don't think I'd want to be traveling continually. It sounds like fun, but I think it would probably get old quickly (and expensive).

 

I think I'd be looking into keeping the cafe, and maybe hiring a manager at least part-time, so that I could quit my other job. Then the kids and I could travel with DH some of the time but not *have* to.

 

:iagree:

 

We would do it for a while - keeping the cafe as something to come back to later.

[Night Elf]

I don't how I would advise you, but it would be an awful situation for me to be in.

 

For me personally, I would not want to change a thing unless we were struggling financially, and even then it would take major discussion between me and DH. In our current position in life, money would not be the deciding factor for this decision. I see it as a trade off--higher salary but broken family. I would not want to be separated from my DH. BTDT with my 1st husband and that was only for 3 months, but it impacted our marriage in a tremendous way.

 

I don't do travel. I'm even sick to my stomach at the idea of our upcoming 15-hour drive to visit my MIL. Constant travel and living in hotel rooms is definitely not in my genetic makeup.

 

I do believe that this decision needs to be made by both of you. I would bring up the subject and want to talk about it out loud. I would make a pros/cons list. I would try to think of all contingencies for all possible scenarios.

[TheReader]

But I'm betting work wants him to get to that Chicago meeting in a few hours, not a few days or weeks. :)

 

Exactly. Business travel is so different from "we're going to save up a year's worth of income and take a year off and travel where we want, when we want."

 

Going on the company's direction, on their schedule, where they tell you, for how long they tell you is so vastly different, especially if there are clients/customers involved or any kind of industry where emergencies (work emergencies, not life/death emergencies) can creep up.

 

Often times my DH will tell me "I might have to go sometime this week...." and then I find out the day before that he leaves at 6 a.m. the next morning and won't be back for three days. And more than once he's been gone and expected back and had to extend his trip due to issues that came up once there.

 

I don't know that RVing to/from would be very practical in very many situations.

[abacus2]

Either option 1 or 3, definitely not option 2.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

First I would want to know how solid of a job offer that is. Is this the sort of thing where he "could" make that salary (at some point), or where he "could" make that in commission or is he being offered a long term job with that pay? (I'm a cynical person by nature, but it seems like there would be lots of folks in the business interested in a job that paid well.)

 

How constant would the travel be? Would he be traveling all over with no set route or would he be covering a region? Because one could let you keep your home and travel with him, say one or two weeks a month.

 

How would he be traveling? If by car, then that's workable. But if his travel required a lot of flying, then I think it would get rather expensive to try to keep the whole family with him.

 

What higher living expenses would you have (lodging, food, buying books if you no longer are using your local library)? Would this mean your kids would give up activities like sports teams or church groups or scouting (OK, scouting can be done as Lone Scouts, but it's quite different - BTDT).

 

We've been living the global nomad life for the last several years with the military. Our last tour included dh's being away about 3/4 of the year with short returns home every few months. It was incredibly draining. I really hadn't appreciated how close I was to depression until we left that tour.

 

We also had a tour where the kids and I went along on many of his business travels. It was great, sometimes. But it could also be draining and expensive. It was sort of hard to keep up with school (even with little kids, as they were then) when there were all these interesting cities to explore. There was the issue of transportation. If dh took the car, then we were on foot or using public trans. Eating away from home tended to be more expensive, even when we had lodgings that had a kitchenette.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Ya know they make some REALLY nice motorhomes these days! I would absolutely sell it and go. The money- the opportunity of travel, it would be amazing! Dh and I have talked about this before because this is a possibility in his line of work some day.

 

You can get some great deals on used motorhomes, because gas is so expensive. My parents figured that would have cost an extra $500 to drive their RV from Texas to DC and back. And that didn't count the cost of finding camping/hookups.

[EJCMom]

I have a cousin who homeschooled her four kids while travelling with her DH for his job about 3 weeks out of most months. They did still have a home, though. So, it is possible.

 

That's probably what I would choose for a while. A lot would depend on the ages of the kids though. The older they get the harder it gets to not have a homebase because they want to be involved in sports and activities and so on. It's a tough choice.