Do adults sit at the head of your table?

[helena]

Assuming you don't have a round table, do you have the adults.. husband.. wife.. guest... sit at the head of the table, or is it an informal free for all kind of thing?

 

It really bothers me here at home when the kids sit at the head of the table, or even worse when FIL takes a seat not at the head. It makes me uncomfortable.

 

I've finally put my foot down on this. This is how I was raised, it's an easy way to show respect. I'm feeling much better about the whole thing this week. :001_smile:

 

Now, I'm wondering if this is common practice anymore?

[bookfiend]

During the week, as a family, we all sit on the sides and no one is at the head. During formal dinners or with guests who swell our numbers, adult hosts or honored guests at the head - never children.

[Rebecca VA]

Yes. It would never occur to me NOT to do it that way. I really like doing things the traditional way.

[NanceXToo]

No, we don't make a big deal over the whole head of the table thing. I do happen to sit at one end of the table but it's not a respect/head of the table thing, it was just a convenient place for me to sit/close to the end of the kitchen at which I wanted to be, and it became "my seat."

 

My husband, on the other hand, sits on the long side of the table, to my left. He just happens to like that chair and ALWAYS wants to sit in it (just like he ALWAYS wants to sit on the same end of the couch, in the same recliner, and sleep on the same side of the bed lol).

 

The kids each have seats they sit in every night, too. (My teen daughter is the one who happens to sit at the other end of the table).

 

When we have company, my husband is the only one who still has to have "his" seat, the rest of us will sit wherever and not care. But none of our visiting family or friends ever seem to care if they sit at the head of the table or who sits where etc.

Edited December 22, 2010 by NanceXToo

[Miss Peregrine]

We have 2 long benches and 2 end chairs. DH usually sits at one end because it is easier and more comfortable for him. The toddler sits at the other chair because he has a booster seat.

 

We have no rules, though. Sometimes we switch around.

[helena]

During the week, as a family, we all sit on the sides and no one is at the head.

 

May I ask why?

[JFSinIL]

Usually when relatives are over we put fil (oldest adult) at head of table - but this Thanksgiving he insisted hubby sit there. Ah, the passing of the chair! ;)

[gardening momma]

We have an oblong table. We usually all sit at the sides (4 of us). When we have company, we don't pay attention to who sits at the head & foot of the table. It's however we best fit, with the best combination of who sits next to who.

[Liza Q]

We have assigned seats at our table. My husband is at one end and my son is at the other. I sit to the right of my son and my younger daughter is on my right (and my husband's left). We set it up this way about 10 years ago so I could easily feed the baby (my 10yo son) and "help" the toddler (my 12yo daughter), with my husband on her other side so he could also keep an eye on her! Before this we had different setups, depending on who I was feeding. But this setup just stuck and we all like it - and I am still near the kitchen :001_smile:

[lionfamily1999]

We do this. If no adult is at the table, then no one sits at the head of the table. I'm with you, it would make me uncomfortable otherwise ;)

[mcconnellboys]

That is where my husband happens to sit at our informal table where we eat in the evening, but we didn't assign seating, it just sort of evolved....

[Amira]

No. I grew up with a round table because my parents didn't like the head of the table thing. Our table is not round, but there is no "head" in my opinion. My husband grew up differently, but he doesn't care about it.

[helena]

We do this. If no adult is at the table, then no one sits at the head of the table. I'm with you, it would make me uncomfortable otherwise ;)

 

My girls just sat down at the table for a snack, and I could here them talking about whether they could sit in mom and dad's chairs. They didn't. :001_smile:

My kids can get a little cheeky at times, this is good for them.

[lionfamily1999]

My girls just sat down at the table for a snack, and I could here them talking about whether they could sit in mom and dad's chairs. They didn't. :001_smile:

My kids can get a little cheeky at times, this is good for them.

It's so nice to catch them respecting their parents :lol:

[sassenach]

Dh sits at the head, but I don't sit at the other end. I prefer the side, so dd usually has that spot. It wouldn't bother me (or him) if he didn't, but that's just how it worked out.

[Mynyel]

We have two long sides and two short sides, dh and I sit on the long sides and dc sit on the short (the exception id ds2 he sits next to me). We don't ever do head of table, never did growing up either. When I was a child our table wasn't big enough for all of us so one or two of us always sat on the couch with TV trays. We also couldn't sit at the ends because it was a folding table the the legs made it impossible to sit there.

We happen to sit that way because the kids dinner seats are the same seats they sit in for school work.

Makes things much easier then to remember seats for school and seats for eating.

[SquirrellyMama]

My dh sits at one end of the table. He wants me to sit next to him so I have on one side. There are 2 kids on the other side and one child at the opposite end of my dh.

 

Kelly

[Old Dominion Heather]

We don't even think about it. We prefer round tables, but don't have one at this point because we host family so often, we needed something large enough for everyone.

 

No one sits at one end and I usually sit at the other end. Dh NEVER sits there because he can't stand having his back to a door.

 

I would never even think about it being a "respect" thing, though if you were raised with that tradition, there is nothing wrong with it. I just don't think you should take a lack of that tradition as disrespectful. It would ONLY be disrespectful if the people knew and followed that tradition but deliberately seated someone somewhere else in order to actually show disrespect to that person.

[MyLittleWonders]

We have a rectangular table; we don't care who sits at the head of the table, but kind of funny story ...

 

We use the same table my parents had when I was little/growing up, and it's in the same dining room (we live in the house where I grew up). When I was little, there was four of us - my dad sat at the head of the table, I sat to his right, my mom sat to his left, and my sister sat next to me.

 

Well, now I sit where my mom sat (though when she comes over, she automatically takes that seat, which I think is cute - she sits in the same "spot" at her table at her house). Dh sits where I used to sit. Ds#3 sits next to me, ds#2 sits next to dh, and ds#1 sits at the opposite end ("head" of the table furthest away from dh and I). Ds#2 often remarks that Grandpa's ghost is sitting at the head of the table where he always sat. (My dad passed 3 years ago.) I love that thought, though Grandpa will lose his spot as soon as dd is old enough to sit at the table. ;)

[Truscifi]

Dh sits at the head of the table. It is 'his' spot, just like his spot on the sofa and his side of the bed. He's not much for change. ;)

[Alenee]

Some traditions were meant to be broken.;) But your house, your rules. In our case, dh and I sit next to eachother as a sign to the kids that 'we're together' first. Not that we don't love them wholeheartedly or want to put them down but as we were together before them and during their time in our home, we will be together after they grow up and leave home. Nothing separates us.

 

I grew up seeing my grandfather and grandmother at the head of the table and we all knew that's the way it was to be...the respect thing. But if grandpa were alive today and wanted to sit in a different seat, it's no skin off my nose.:)

[QueenCat]

When it's just the 4 of us, no one sits at the end. One of the ends is a tight squeeze. If my parents are there, my dh and my mom are on the ends. That way, she gets to sit next to both grandchildren, which she really cares about. My dad ends up next to dh, and across from me. Dh is at the end that is in the tight spot, which is very respectful to my father as it gives my father more space. If we have more than 6, kids are at the table, adults on the couches/chairs in the living room. Someday, I might having a dining room table but right now, the piano occupies the dining room.

[BMW]

We are quite relaxed... whoever sits at the head first sits at the head of the table. Sometimes no one is there. Hey, if we have a full house, we might even be on a rotation schedule around the table. If it's a holiday, I do have two large tables and adults are at one and under 18 are usually at the other. Once again, it's wherever people sit. No big deal.

[BikeBookBread]

Yep, but only because it's easiest for me to get to the kitchen from my spot, and it affords the most leg room for my tall DH.

[Night Elf]

All my life, our usual is 'sit where you fit'. :tongue_smilie:

[bookfiend]

May I ask why?

 

It puts us closer together and seems cozier. Also helps for passing items and dishing up the boys plates; practical reasons more than anything else.

[Leila]

My husband sits at the head of the table. I don't. I sit where I can get easy access to the kitchen. We have a rectangular table and kids sit at the sides.

[Wyndie]

I sit at the head b/c it's the closest to the kitchen. ;) The kids are creatures of habit so they have their spots and one child does sit at the other end across from me but it's b/c long ago, they would kick each other if they were too close so I separated everyone by at least one seat. Now it's just habit. :D

[Mejane]

Our dining room table, which we use only for holidays, is oval. Dh and I sit at the ends where the host and hostess traditionally sit. It bugged me when my fil plopped down at the end one Christmas. He knows better, and it was just so like him to try to take over. :glare:

[Crimson Wife]

There's not a ton of room in our dinette (we turned the dining room into our school room) so the ends are a bit squishy. The kids sit at them, DH sits on the far side and I sit on the near side. When the baby outgrows her high chair, I'll probably put her at one of the ends and oldest DD will "graduate" to a side.

[EKS]

Adults sit at the head.

[Dawn in OH]

Due to the small size of our dining area, and the ages of our children, we cannot do that.

We have an oval table and my husband and I sit across from each other to the left end with Owen between us at the "head" of the table. This way we can take turns helping him. The other end of the table is pretty close to the wall and no one sits there. I sit at the side closest to the kitchen.

 

We have recently pulled a high chair up to the table next to Owen for little Kelly, next to me.

[RoughCollie]

At our table, DH and I sit at the head and the foot, everyone else sits along the sides. If there are guests of honor, he sits to my right and she sits to DH's right.

[Corraleno]

The whole concept of "head of the table" is foreign to me. DH and I both grew up in families where people sat wherever they wanted, and we do the same. I honestly don't know any families who do the "head of the table" thing, so this thread has been really interesting to me.

 

Jackie

[dcjlkplus3]

Dh and I sit at the heads of the table, but that came about because I was tired of the children fighting over who got to sit at the head (one is by a heating vent is usually the appeal). They manage to take turns throughout the day. Now they just argue over who gets to sit next to Daddy (3 kids and only 2 spots by Daddy).

[coffeegal]

:svengo: Dh and I both grew up with heads of the household at the head of the table... ALWAYS... and the mistress at the foot (nearest the kitchen). It doesn't matter if we're eating at the kitchen or dining room table. He's always at the head. It never occured to me that it wasn't the only way to sit at table. :lol: Live and learn!

[justamouse]

Yes, adults sit at the head of my table (dh and I) and when my father sits at the head of my table it pisses me off to no end--it's MY husband's place, it's his house, not my dads.

 

But that is MY peeve. :001_smile:

 

eta, it's always been this way in my family. Aunt and Uncle, Nana, MILs.

Edited December 22, 2010 by justamouse

[justamouse]

At our table, DH and I sit at the head and the foot, everyone else sits along the sides. If there are guests of honor, he sits to my right and she sits to DH's right.

 

yes.

[helena]

I just don't think you should take a lack of that tradition as disrespectful. It would ONLY be disrespectful if the people knew and followed that tradition but deliberately seated someone somewhere else in order to actually show disrespect to that person.

 

I agree.

I don't feel like my FIL is being disrespectful if he doesn't sit at the head of the table. I feel... not ashamed but some kind of uuuuuuuhhhhhh feeling, like it's rude of me to be in his spot. That's me, not him.

 

I think if the tradition means that much to you (you in general), and you're having guests (not knowing if they follow that tradition), you could alway put out name cards. I am not going to do that. :001_smile:

[2squared]

My answer is entirely dependent on having 5 dc ages 8yo & under. YMMV

 

Last month I would have said "yes," we do the head-of-the-table thing. This month it's a "no" since we figured out that the head-of-the-table thing was making our dinners awful. We couldn't reach down the table to all the dc so dh & I would end up getting out of our chairs to pour drinks, refill plates, cut food, clean up spills, etc.

 

Now dh & I both sit on the sides of our oval table kitty-corner from each other and our oldest dc are at the heads. All children are within an arm's reach of one of us, and dh can reach most of them. I often am nursing the baby at the table so dh is doing the dining table work by himself.

 

When the in-laws visit I alternate dc between adults without regard to the head-of-the-table issue. Once again, it's about survival and making the meal easy to get through.

[Medieval Mom]

In our family, dh happens to sit at the head, so he can have a turn feeding ds2 :) We usually trade around, as practicality dictates. :)

 

It is tradition in MY family, however, to give all deference to the mother/lady of the house. We always waited to eat, for example, until after my mother lifted her fork. We always offered her food first, etc. I was overwhelmingly SHOCKED when FIL insisted that everything be served HIM first, etc. It's truly alarming when I have both my mom and FIL at our house. He expect to be waited on hand and foot by the women, who, in our family, are accustomed to the place of honor in all manners and customs (NOT to be treated as maids). Truly, it makes for interesting reunions :D

Edited December 22, 2010 by Medieval Mom

[Parrothead]

For us it doesn't matter much. Dh sits at the head. Dd and I sit on the sides. Dh is a lefty so he always sits at one end of whatever table we are at (unless it is long table seating) so as not to bump elbows with his tablemates.

 

When I was a child I and my father sat at each end of the table.

[dangermom]

Which part is the head? One of the narrow sides? Which one?

 

My 7yo sits at the end, with everyone else on the long sides, and nothing at the other end. Her end is the one near the kitchen, and the other end has a window.

[helena]

Once again, it's about survival..

I can appreciate that! :D

[redsquirrel]

My husband took the seat closest to the kitchen on purpose because he figures that I cooked dinner so the meal is my time to get a break. If anyone needs anything or wants anything, he gets it.

 

It all seems very subjective as to the shape of the room and placement of the table. And how is sitting at the top of a table respectful?

 

My FIL sits at the 'head' of the table when we eat there, but he does all the cooking and it puts him closest to the kitchen. He is forever popping up to check on something.

[kristavws]

Our table is round, so I guess technically everyone is sitting at the head of the table;)

 

Krista

[Ravin]

We don't actually have a dining table in our house. We have a table that does duty as an entertainment center, because it keeps little fingers away from the screen, I have a craft table, and we have a large gaming table that's usually piled with DVD's and miscellany and lacks seating.

[nono]

We rotate around every few weeks. So eventually, everyone gets to be at the head. It also gets interesting because there's two empty chairs when it is just us.

 

Why do we do this? I don't like the idea of assigned seating, esp. when combined with the fact that all 4 views are very lovely in our dining area. I want to enjoy them all, and want the family to enjoy them all as well!

[alpidarkomama]

For us, it's traditional to have the father at the head of the table, and the wife sitting in the closest seat to him. It's easier to play footsies that way. :)

 

This does have some practical applications, Jewishly speaking. When we have our traditional bread and wine on Friday/Saturday, the first drink and bit of bread should go to the wife after the husband serves himself.

[BlsdMama]

My answer is entirely dependent on having 5 dc ages 8yo & under. YMMV

 

Last month I would have said "yes," we do the head-of-the-table thing. This month it's a "no" since we figured out that the head-of-the-table thing was making our dinners awful. We couldn't reach down the table to all the dc so dh & I would end up getting out of our chairs to pour drinks, refill plates, cut food, clean up spills, etc.

 

Now dh & I both sit on the sides of our oval table kitty-corner from each other and our oldest dc are at the heads. All children are within an arm's reach of one of us, and dh can reach most of them. I often am nursing the baby at the table so dh is doing the dining table work by himself.

.

 

LOL! I can sympathize.

 

We have six children ages 8 and under - soon to be seven ages nine & under. Thankfully that 8/9yo can handle cutting her food. :P

 

The spills are self taken care of, the filling of the plates & cutting of the food takes place before the seating of the children, and they do refills. After all, once I sit down, I like to EAT MY MEAL WHILE IT'S STILL HOT! :D

DH sits at the head of the table. I used to sit at the foot but the high chair we have currently is worse than useless. So now he holds Ella and I feed her from my plate. It works.

 

Tim the Troublemaker, er, I mean youngest son sits at his right hand... For good reason, it keeps him within reach. Oldest DD sits on Tim's other side to catch any naughtiness we don't. I'm on DH's left hand with the 2yo next to me. The other kids are spread throughout the table.