Hypothetically, would you be willing to relocate cross-country if....

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

your husband's company shut down the local office and offered him a new position in another state?

 

You've lived in the same place for your whole life. You LOVE the geographical location. You bought what you thought would be your 'forever' home out in the country just 3 1/2 years ago (and could easily lose money if you sold it now). Your parents live 2 miles down the road (in the home where you grew up). Your sister and her husband live next door to them. Your other (homeschooling) sister and her family live 15 minutes away. (And you are VERY CLOSE to your family.) Your best friend (who happens to be homeschooling her same-aged children) lives 2 miles away. Your husband's wonderful parents live in town, as well. He has lived in town for 25+ years, so he also has a network of friends and business associates/clients.

 

Oh, and you have 3 young boys and a newborn. And you are very shy/introverted and hate meeting new people, but desperately need loved ones around. And you are already on the brink of a nervous break-down coping with life in general.

 

If you didn't think you could survive a move like that, what would you be willing to give up to stay put? And would you feel guilty for not supporting your husband and the idea of a new adventure.

[newlifemom]

Ummm, may I pray for you 'cause I couldn't begin to advise you. I do know that dh and I both knew it was right. However, for the most part, we moved closer to both sides of the family.

[RoughCollie]

In your situation, moving across the country would feel like the worst thing that ever happened to me. I did that in order to marry DH, out of necessity because of where his new job was located, but we did not have children yet. I survived, of course, but it was very difficult for me for over a decade.

 

I would take the time to explore all options and to discuss the situation with your extended families. Presumably, these are people you and your DH are close to, they know both of you well, and their input could be valuable to you.

 

That said, if it comes down to having a job that can support a family, I reluctantly agree with others that has to be the primary factor. We moved to another state last year for financial reasons, and despite the unbelievable amount of stress involved, we have all survived it. Frankly, our choice was either to move or to face the dire probability of becoming homeless. We could no longer afford to live in our state, and finances were the only reason we moved -- all the reasons we wanted to stay paled in comparison to that.

 

I moved once when I had three babies, six weeks before DD was born, and it was tough to do. One of my friends helped me with the kids, or I could not have done it. If you end up having to move, I hope you can take a friend or relative along to help you get settled in the new place -- someone who will stay for awhile, maybe until after the baby is born. That will be very stressful on you, having two major life changes at the same time, especially since those same changes will be happening simultaneously to everyone in your immediate family.

Edited August 4, 2010 by RoughCollie

[Dobela]

As scarce as jobs are, I would move. My dh was out of work once just to keep us where we are and those were the toughest days - worse than leaving my family.

[SonshineLearner]

and you just started CC :) I told my husband that if he moved for a year at least... and liked his job, that I would move. Here, we live a mile from my parents... I've lived by them for most of my life. I've lived in this town for over 10 years... things I like about it and things I don't. If you tried, since your parents are close... could you rent out your house? :) Actually, with us doing CC too, I planned to visit my husband on our off time... stay here doing CC.... and do a bit of back and forth... BUT, I didn't have a newborn, my youngest is 7.

:)

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

hard choices. no advice (i am extroverted, have never lived as an adult near family, and am now on country #4. i'd move in a heartbeat.).

 

:grouphug:

ann

[Disney Dreaming]

I would. Jobs are scarce and your life now should be with your husband. I would be real worried about finding another job with the economy the way it is.

[Mom0012]

I would only do it if all other possibilities of employment had been fully exhausted.

 

Lisa

[Smithie]

Hopping on the prayer bandwagon here, too. I love moving, but I get that you don't.

 

Honesty is inherently supportive. If doing this would put you over the edge into an emotional collapse, then you need to tell your husband that, because he's going to be the one left high and dry in a new town with 4 kids when you completely lose it and are locked in the bedroom crying. It's not cutting him down, to explain that you are not fit to meet this challenge at this time in your life.

 

:grouphug:

[Crimson Wife]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I would not be happy about moving in that situation. I know my DH would only have us move if he thought the transfer opportunity was the best for our family in the long run. The job market is really tough right now, and I suspect it would be hard for my DH to turn down a transfer unless he had strong leads on a local position.

 

What he'd probably do is accept the offer and go without us, while looking for something local. The separation would be difficult (especially with a newborn) but hopefully only temporary.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Keep in mind that our family are military global nomads. So we have moved frequently and often far away from our families. It is something that you can not only survive but thrive after and learn to enjoy.

 

For our family to consider so much upheaval would depend a lot on job prospects if we didn't take the job. Would he find work in his field? Be able to set up an independent business? Would you lose retirement by not staying with the company? Would they pay your relocation costs?

 

Hard to consider. I can't even remember the last time that I planted something, thinking that I would be there years later to see it mature. But we've also lived all around the world and I've made friends with people I would have never encountered at all otherwise.

[SproutMamaK]

It would depend largely on the job prospects in my area. I'd do everything possible in whatever time I had before committing to the job in the new location to find something in our current area.

 

Moving to another state isn't a guarantee of a job - if the company is struggling, a location in another state may very well be as well, and being the new guy your DH could be the first on the chopping block. It's still a gamble either way. I would ask him, for me, to do as much local searching as he could.

[PollyOR]

That's a very tough decision with the job market. :grouphug:

 

If you do decide to go...rent your house here (you'll have family close by who can keep an eye on it) and rent where you move to. That way you keep your options open to return quickly.

 

BTW, I grew up in the south, but I love it here....even without close family ties. I would be reluctant to leave too.

[Michelle My Bell]

I am in a very similar situation right now. As of now, I am not willing to move. I want to support my husband, but I really don't think I can handle another move. We have moved states several times and I finally feel settled. Like you, I am introverted so it takes me years to get comfortable in a place.

[Pippen]

I think it would depend on what kind of job prospects (with potential security) were available in the current location. I've seen people pass on jobs in this economy and be very sorry down the road. It won't be your "forever" house if you can't pay the bills.

 

Sorry you're having to deal with this.:(

[Mrs Mungo]

:grouphug:

 

hard choices. no advice (i am extroverted, have never lived as an adult near family, and am now on country #4. i'd move in a heartbeat.).

 

:grouphug:

ann

 

Ditto, except we're on move 7 and have only lived in 2 countries. :grouphug:

[KIN]

I would only move if there were no options for local employment. My stomach gets upset just thinking about it! I am extroverted, but live minutes from my folks, my in-laws, my brother, dh's brother and have a wonderful group of friends and church. That is what is really important in life, IMHO!

[JenC3]

I don't think I would. I would make sure this job would last. I've heard too often this happening only to have THAT office close then. What would suck worse: being alone with the kids while your dh throws himself into the new job or being away from dh for a period of time, with visits, while you have time to adjust to 4 kids and have LOTS of family/friend support? After a yr I would go. JMO. Praying for you!

[LibraryLover]

Well...it sounds awful in yhour situation, but jobs are pretty important. I might move, but I would not sell my house in this market. If I moved so far (and I have & I might again), I would rent out my house, as icky as that thought is. Renting is a PITA, but not worse than the financial hit of selling in this market.

Edited August 4, 2010 by LibraryLover

[ChristusG]

I would not want to move. Is there nothing DH could find close by? I would be willing to sell things, live more simply, cut out all unnecessary expenses, purchase less, sell things....whatever...in order to stay.

[Parrothead]

I did.

 

But that said I'm a navy brat so moving was not traumatic. For dh's career I have moved east to west, south to north and west to east. We've pretty much covered the perimeter of the country.

[jld]

In your situation, no. Because you could probably count on your family to help you even if you did need money.

 

In my situation, I would probably go just about anywhere and do just about anything we needed to for money.

[PollyOR]

One plus...when DH and I moved away from family we grew very close to one another. Fond memories :).

[Food4Thought]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

That would be super hard for me. Actually, my stomach started turning in knots just thinking about it. You couldn't pay me enough to leave the Northwest, but thankfully my dh feels the same way. We make poverty level (22K a year) to live near family and be here, because jobs really are scarce. So I suppose you have to decide your comfort level with the $$ thing. Can DH look for something new with a different company, or would it be degrading to him to possibly lose position and start somewhere else? Is he open to the huge change, or just kind of thinking through it?

 

At the end of the day, I know I'd follow my husband, but it wouldn't be easy. I'd fight tooth and nail to stay, and hope my DH would consider all the local options. But when he made the final decision, I'd go.

[OrganicAnn]

I would move, but I would want to make sure the job was relatively secure and that there weren't similar jobs in your area. I would also be very honest with your DH about hard it will be on you and ask that you make it apart of your family future plans to work towards moving back home one day.

 

For yourself, if the decision is made to move. I would suggest that look at it as a growth opportunity. Whatever you do, don't spend all your time in your new location comparing it to home or complaining that it isn't as good as home. You can still get family support over the phone (get a good long distance phone plan). Invite family for visits. Think positively.

[QueenCat]

We moved away from all of my family about a year in to our marriage. I didn't like it but got used to making friends that are as good as family. Personally, I could not be away from my husband for long periods. That would be more stressful to me than being away from the rest of my family. You learn to rely on others, not in your extended family, when the family is not around. And make some great relationships while doing so. I now look at moving as an adventure!

[TravelingChris]

As you can tell from my boardname, I move. We are military. But what I wanted to tell you is that I am an introvert and so is most of my family. I think we find it easier moving then the one extrovert.

 

The economy is very bad. I go with others who say rent your home out and rent in the new location. But a job is so important, if your husband can't get a job locally, move.

[JenneinCA]

I did.

 

We moved from Arizona, from our forever house, from my parents, my sister, my friends. We moved from everything I ever wanted.

 

To California and a rented house, a long way from any relative.

 

To a job my husband loves. I made new friends. The kids made new friends. We will rent for a very very long time, but seeing my husband happy when he comes home from work was worth it. And the job here is secure. We won't need to move again if we don't want to. This is the place to be for computer geeks.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Thanks for all the replies and kind words, ladies. Dh and I had a loooong chat this evening. The relocation possibility is luckily a remote chance, but it came up in a quick conversation I had with him earlier and almost sent me over the edge...

[BikeBookBread]

We do it every 2 to 3 years (yeah, we're military) but now it doesn't seem likes such a big deal. This is coming from a girl who lived with her family until the day she married, and in the same home and community for 26 years.

[kalanamak]

I think it would depend on what kind of job prospects (with potential security) were available in the current location. I've seen people pass on jobs in this economy and be very sorry down the road. It won't be your "forever" house if you can't pay the bills.

 

Sorry you're having to deal with this.:(

 

:iagree:I would try to stay, if possible. Sometimes having to rethink your job is a good thing. I know the only times I've done it was when I was in real pinches, and the last pinch landed me in my best-ever job.

[KidsHappen]

I was born, raised and married military. I have moved probably 30 times in my life, been to most of the states, several countries and three continents. My entire life has been about going where the job sends you. I have lived here for 7 years now which is the longest I have ever lived anywhere. It was the last place my hubby had a job at a permanent location. So we bought a house and settled down. Now he travels and I am here without family. I would give anything to move next door to my dd in GA but there is no way we could make it work, so I just dream. If I was already there though, it would be really hard to move me.

[Embassy]

I've lived a transient life so I can't fully understand what you are going through. I wondered what it would be like to live in one area for so long. Maybe someday I'll find out. As of right now I'm still trying to break my record of living in one place for 5 years. That record has stood since 1986.

 

If you do need to move I would go with the renting out your house to give you the option to come back to your forever house.

[amydavis]

I would try to stay, if at all possible. Dh and I live in the town next to our hometown. We are close to our families, and see them fairly often. We have a good network of friends, many that we knew in high school. So, I totally understand why this would be hard for you.

 

I haven't read the other posts yet, so I'm not sure if more has been revealed or said. I hope this all works out in a way that is good for you and your family.

:grouphug:

[Tess in the Burbs]

wow. I lived somewhere my entire life until my mom left my dad. I was ready for an adventure at that point in my life. And I haven't stopped moving around ever since, lol!

 

I can see why you don't want to move. Can your dh find another job locally? Does he want to move? Does he like being so close to your family?

 

I support my dh in the job arena. He works so I can stay home. I can stay home anywhere and make it work. I am more introverted in my older years but we just moved again. I am getting out there and never saying no to any invite and finding it's not too hard to meet new friends if you just get out and try.

 

I think in this case you need to list pros/cons of moving to a new location. Since you have so much family in that one area, it sounds like it would be easy to return after a few years of adventuring ;-)

 

But it's important he understand your side of things. I get depressed when I move. I am an emotional mess for a little bit and then I adjust. My dh knows this and is very supportive until I adjust and get back to happy. You have to realize that some times it can take 18mo-2 years to really get involved/find your niche in an area. Some places have been instant for me. Others have been years literally.

 

In this case you both keep talking and find a way that works for both of you. Perhaps try the new job but rent your house. So that if it doesn't work out you can return in a few years. :grouphug:

[Laura Corin]

But we weren't as settled in China as you are in your home, although we all hated to leave. We have settled in well and are all very glad to have come.

 

For me, it would depend on whether my husband could get another job locally. If not, I'd go: jobs are precious things at the moment.

 

Laura

[sassenach]

your husband's company shut down the local office and offered him a new position in another state?

 

You've lived in the same place for your whole life. You LOVE the geographical location. You bought what you thought would be your 'forever' home out in the country just 3 1/2 years ago (and could easily lose money if you sold it now). Your parents live 2 miles down the road (in the home where you grew up). Your sister and her husband live next door to them. Your other (homeschooling) sister and her family live 15 minutes away. (And you are VERY CLOSE to your family.) Your best friend (who happens to be homeschooling her same-aged children) lives 2 miles away. Your husband's wonderful parents live in town, as well. He has lived in town for 25+ years, so he also has a network of friends and business associates/clients.

 

Oh, and you have 3 young boys and a newborn. And you are very shy/introverted and hate meeting new people, but desperately need loved ones around. And you are already on the brink of a nervous break-down coping with life in general.

 

If you didn't think you could survive a move like that, what would you be willing to give up to stay put? And would you feel guilty for not supporting your husband and the idea of a new adventure.

 

I'm a wanderer. I have done big moves several times. Each time, even when it was really hard to leave, I felt certain that God was calling us to go. Especially our last few moves, we could have found work where we were, we just knew that God was calling us to go. I think God has given me the personality to fit these callings.

 

It doesn't sound like that's what is happening with you. Could your dh find work where you live? Can you weather a long unemployment?

[elegantlion]

Hard question, hope it stays hypothetical for you. We moved away from family 5 years ago. Now we are looking to move back. Last thing I thought I would ever say as we wanted to move. However, my parents are getting older and have no other family close (and we like them a lot). My son adores his grandparents and has been in a certain state of mourning since we left.

 

We just took a trip to see them. My dh was happier, my son was happier, I enjoyed our visit. My parents needed help with household stuff my dh happily did for them. So we came home with a certain peace about moving back.

 

If you rely on family for things now, without them around it can be sad. My mom confessed she cried herself to sleep many nights because she missed us.

 

I imagine one day when my parents are gone and my son is an adult, we'll move out of the area again, but for now we're heading back "home".

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd be looking for something local. If a transfer happens I'd rent the house so you'd have someplace to return to if the job didn't work out long term.

[PollyOR]

The relocation possibility is luckily a remote chance,

 

Phew! :)

[Liz CA]

I would really try to support my dh and move if wants / needs to move. We are in the same boat. My dh has been looking for positions anywhere in the U.S.

We are "West Coast" people but if we had to move, the job was right, etc., we would.

 

In my mind, nothing is forever. Just as you move "there" you can move back again. I know it sounds easy but is a lot of work. However, nobody can later say:"You didn't want to try. You did not want to give it a chance." Is there a possibility to rent the house? Sounds like this is more than "just" a house for your family and you would want to keep it.

 

If you moved - hypothetically - you may be surprised to find good friends in your new location. You may be surprised to find out you like the area or you like exploring an area unknown to you.

 

:)

 

[MotherMayI]

We did this 6 years ago. Although I had moved around a bit prior to having children, I was raising my dc in the town where my family and my inlaws lived. I also had a wonderful support network of friends and I thought we would be there forever. When dh's company eliminated our territory and offered one 1800 miles away I was devastated. My dh and I searched for a local job but nothing came. He left for the new job and we followed about 4 months later. It was a very difficult move, my baby was 8 months old and I couldn't imagine not being close to family and friends- but being with my husband was obviously more important. Once we settled in I found that our marriage was strengthened by the distance from my family (who I relied on in many ways). We love living here, and the dc and I visit our old home town in the summer for several weeks so we get plenty of family time. I am not an introvert, but with every move we have made I make it a point to find groups/friends for the children righty away- this approach has always led to great friendships for me too.

 

I do hope you get to stay, but if you have to move- you may be surprised by some of the positive things you learn about yourself and each other. :grouphug:

[Remudamom]

I would do everything I could to stay put, including supporting husband if he had to take a lower paying job. Being around family and being happy and content is worth every bit as much as a paycheck. I'd really try to make it work and stay.

[Mad Jenny Flint]

My gut response was "Not a chance" but then I read your line about feeling guilty about not supporting your husband. I will tell you what *I* would do.

 

If my husband really thought it was a wonderful opportunity and wanted to go, I would seriously speak to him, bring up all the pros for him and his career and the potential pros for our family (becoming closer, meeting new people and making new connections, becoming more independent from extended family- which can be good even if you are close, etc.) I would try to list as many of these as possible and be open-minded. I would want to discuss the likelihood of him finding a job locally. I would then list the cons, from my perspective. The ones you listed are serious and deserve careful attention. Then I would tell him my concerns about my own level of adaptation and the kids' level, as well, in the new place.

 

After that conversation, it would be up to him. I would do whatever he decided, and get excited about doing it. My husband would think about it very carefully and come to a decision that would be best for all involved, in as many aspects as possible. If your husband is like that, have the conversation and leave it to him.

[Mad Jenny Flint]

What you said about your mom crying herself to sleep hit a chord for me- it sounded like my mil when we lived away from them for 14 mos. So glad you are getting the opportunity to be near them, for all your sakes.

[BlsdMama]

Yes.

 

This coming from a mama who had a baby December 23rd, packed up all of her belongings in January while her husband was in CA closing said company's plant and moved February 1st, 1, 936 miles from her closest friends and family to the Pacific Northwest where she knew no one. Oh, yes, with eight children, five of whom were ages six and under. Yes, yes, I would. Uh... Hmm... Yes, yes I DID!

 

And it was all worth it!

 

Am I homesick? Oh YES! Do I miss my family? YES!

But has it been worth it to throw faith into his basket? Yes. It's been one heck of an adventure. Oregon is beautiful, btw. I've had to go outside of my box and start attending storytime and meeting new people, but in the end it's been a blessing.

[BlsdMama]

 

I do hope you get to stay, but if you have to move- you may be surprised by some of the positive things you learn about yourself and each other. :grouphug:

 

More true words were probably never spoken.

[elegantlion]

What you said about your mom crying herself to sleep hit a chord for me- it sounded like my mil when we lived away from them for 14 mos. So glad you are getting the opportunity to be near them, for all your sakes.

 

Thank you. She didn't tell me that until a few weeks ago and we've been gone for five years.

[lynn]

Absolutely and I have. Best thing we ever did. Made some wonderful friends. My kids had some life experiences they would never have had had we stayed in one place. Was I sad, yes. Did I get homesick yes. I learned quickly to set up house in a weekend and get out and explore our new home town. It will be what you make it to be. hope all goes well.

 

 

[Renee in NC]

Yes. We didn't move across the country, but far enough.

[katemary63]

I would only do it if all other possibilities of employment had been fully exhausted.

 

Lisa

 

:iagree: It sounds like you have a good life there and I would do everything I could to stay. But if there is no other job, then you have to go where the job is. You working isn't really a possibility since you are about to have a baby. (at least not in my mind). We did move across country after DH spent six months looking for work in our hometown area. We had to follow the money. But, I am not as close to my family as you. I am an extrovert and LOVE meeting new people. And I was game for a new adventure. I LOVE living in my new state.

 

I would suggest that if you do end up moving, your best bet would be to set your mind to make the best of it. Attitude is everything here and your attitude could make or break your new life. I do hope your DH finds something in your area, but it is not the end of the world if he doesn't. People all over are out of work. You will have to see the cup as half full and be thankful he has a job. And above all, should you have to move for a job, please don't make your DH feel guilty. Do your best to encourage him and be positive. Good luck to you and God Bless. :grouphug: