Inappropriate, tacky, or ?? comment...

[Brilliant]

My 14yo ds wanted to show some visitors his Ham radio setup in his bedroom. An adult, female, visitor asked, "Can we see it now? Or do you have to go up and hide your Playboy magazines first?" :blink:

 

I was flabbergasted. She smirked like it was the funniest thing she'd ever said. I finally managed to say, loudly, "That was NOT appropriate!" At which point she got defensive and continued along the same line, until I said "We are changing the subject!"

 

Is it just me? Or was she out of line? What would you have done?

[AprilTN]

That was just icky. Uncomfortable. Inappropriate.

[Faith]

Big YUCK! She should apologize to your son and you.

[Tidbits of Learning]

It really depends on the person and the people involved with how out of line it should be considered. There are family and friends that I could joke this way and it would be funny and a joke. There are others that would be totally offended by such a joke.

I am going to assume said adult female was trying to make a joke or that she just doesn't know your family that well. This would not be the type of joke that I would make to someone that I did not know well or that I didn't know how they would take it.

On the receiving end of the joke, I wouldn't have said anything right that second. I would have laughed it off. That is just me though. I wouldn't have made a big deal out of it.

It is potty humor. Tacky, yes. Appropriate, depends on the people involved.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

Well, imo, yes, yes, and yes.

 

Yes, it was inappropriate, yes it was tacky, and yes . . . ???

 

Generally speaking, I don't hold with the chastise ppl in public camp. I actually think it's more of a two wrongs definately not making a right. Calling someone out is usually just as tacky. Still, with that kind of accusation/insinuation toward a kiddo, it changes the rules a bit sometimes. I absolutely support your coming to your son's defense and making it *well* known that such an insinuation isn't warranted, appreciated, or appropriate.

[Alphabetika]

Tacky and rude, no matter who it is. She owes your family an apology, IMHO. I am sensitive about this sort of thing. We declined to use the first orthodontist we were referred to because he made double-entendre comments to my dd's and to his female assistant. It's just never appropriate.

 

Off-topic: I'm in OC, too!

[Harriet Vane]

Yes. Inappropriate, tacky, rude, boundary-less. You were right to object.

[WishboneDawn]

It might be fine in some company, not in others but frankly I think it's absolutely fine that you drew the line for that young lady. It's the kind of comment you make only when you know your audience well and hopefully she learned that.

[Daisy]

I would have thought it was in appropriate but I probably would have just said something along the lines of, "Hey, We are trying to keep things PG around here," and left it at that.

 

I'm not sure I would expect her to apologize. She either realizes she should never have said that and is probably terribly embarrassed (even if she dug a deeper hole in your presence) or she is CLUELESS. Either way she probably just wants to forget about it and hopes you do the same.

 

If that kind of thing happened again, I would take her aside and speak to her privately about the matter.

[elise1mds]

What the HECK??? Seriously?? I agree. She was WAY out of line. I couldn't imagine saying that to my guy friends when *I* was back in high school, let alone hear that out of an adult's mouth. Good grief.

[RobinF]

Inappropriate and apology expected.

[ChristusG]

Ummm....wow. YES, I would have been LIVID. That was completely inappropriate.

[secular_mom]

My 14yo ds wanted to show some visitors his Ham radio setup in his bedroom. An adult, female, visitor asked, "Can we see it now? Or do you have to go up and hide your Playboy magazines first?" :blink:

 

Wow, that IS pretty icky. I wouldn't have liked that at all, female OR male visitor. I probably would have just stood there staring at them like they'd just grown an extra head or two, I don't know what I would've said. Maybe, "WhAT?!?!?". Good for you for setting a boundary there though.

[Brilliant]

A little more info...it was not a "young" woman. It was an adult relative who knows better.

 

Hmm, I hadn't even thought about asking for an apology, and don't think I will. My ds wasn't offended; more just wondering "What the heck is she talking about?" So I won't bring it up with her again.

 

She ended her remarks with, "Well, that's how the world is" and really seemed to think she was justified. So I guess that's what had me wondering if the comment was as crass as I thought it was.

[dhudson]

If someone had said that to my son, heads would roll. My son would have been horribly embarrassed by the suggestion and offended at the thought so I would have come to his defense.

 

I say, "Good job, Mom!".

[HRAAB]

Absolutely inappropriate, tacky and out of line - especially with a 14 yr. old boy. Even it were my dh, it would have been inappropriate and tacky. Good grief. What are people thinking?

[Sophia]

Yes, I think the comment is as crass as you think it is, but the comment "that's the way the world is" is also very telling.

 

What it tells me, anyway, is that type of joking is acceptable in the circles she runs in. I know a lot of people who wouldn't bat an eye at that comment (yes, I know many strange people, sigh, and several of them are relatives too.)

 

Since she is family, you probably should say something like "Yeah, I know the rest of the world's like that, but we're not so keep the Playboy jokes to yourself, okay?"

[Jean in Newcastle]

The initial joke was tacky but along the line of many sit-coms. What was totally inappropriate was her continuing along the same lines after you told her that it was inappropriate for your family. That would have really made me angry.

[tex-mex]

I would have thought it was in appropriate but I probably would have just said something along the lines of, "Hey, We are trying to keep things PG around here," and left it at that.

 

I'm not sure I would expect her to apologize. She either realizes she should never have said that and is probably terribly embarrassed (even if she dug a deeper hole in your presence) or she is CLUELESS. Either way she probably just wants to forget about it and hopes you do the same.

 

If that kind of thing happened again, I would take her aside and speak to her privately about the matter.

:iagree: She was clueless. Not even worth your breath to chastise her. She really appears to be lacking in manners and class. Wow. :glare:

[AHASRADA]

Mortifying! I am fortunate not to have anyone in my family who would dream of saying such a thing, and I do my best to keep such people out of my home. Wow.

 

Knowing myself, I probably would have laughed nervously and changed the subject. I am a bit nonconfrontational and would have wanted that awkward moment over as quickly as possible. Ds might not have even heard/realized what she said, and I doubt my ds13 has ever heard of Playboy, so the joke would have been lost on him.

 

If this was a person who would be spending time with my family on a recurring basis, I would find a tactful way, in private, to let her know that you realize she was trying to be funny, but that this type of humor is not appreciated in your house, or something similar. It is quite difficult to know what to do in the heat of the moment, though.

[Laurie4b]

My 14yo ds wanted to show some visitors his Ham radio setup in his bedroom. An adult, female, visitor asked, "Can we see it now? Or do you have to go up and hide your Playboy magazines first?" :blink:

 

I was flabbergasted. She smirked like it was the funniest thing she'd ever said. I finally managed to say, loudly, "That was NOT appropriate!" At which point she got defensive and continued along the same line, until I said "We are changing the subject!"

 

Is it just me? Or was she out of line? What would you have done?

 

Sounds like you did fine. It was a joke in poor taste. You let her know it was inappropriate. She doesn't think so. A younger generation than mine has some wisdom with their "Whatever" retort. It's over. Don't second guess yourself and also don't feed any more fuel into the fire by ruminating about it or mentioning it again. Embrace being labeled an old fogey. It's over and done with.

[fivetails]

It might be fine in some company, not in others but frankly I think it's absolutely fine that you drew the line for that young lady. It's the kind of comment you make only when you know your audience well and hopefully she learned that.

 

:iagree:

 

In some situations, the comment would have gotten laughter and a joking kick to the shin or something - in your situation, it didn't. Obviously she didn't 'know her audience'.

[elegantlion]

Totally tacky and inappropriate. As the daughter of a ham radio operator I probably would have shot back "Boy you don't know anything about hams, do you? You're more likely to see a centerfold of the latest gear or radio in his room. There aren't any naked models, just model numbers." Then I would have laughed and punched her on the shoulder, perhaps harder than necessary. :001_huh:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

:svengo:

[Parrothead]

Wow! Unbelievable! Totally inappropriate and shows a great lack of breeding.

 

I hope your ds wasn't totally mortified.

[Pegasus]

Honestly, this sounds just like something one of my sisters would say and we would shrug it off and try to change the subject at the time. However, she's mentally ill and I've had to explain a LOT of things to my children later after she's visited.

 

Pegasus

[Peela]

Inappropriate because she didnt guage her audience.

Not so inappropriate in other places, most likely.

If someone said that to my 14yo son, we would laugh and I would be a little annoyed (because I don't want the thought planted in his head) but not offended. Ds14 would handle it fine and with probably a quick, humorous retort.

[elizabeth]

It is not merely tacky but actually creepy and so grossly inappropriate that I would reconsider any relationship I had with her. I am no prude far from it. Call me the libertine of TWTM board . If I find it really reprehensible you know it is really, truly bad.

[Word Nerd]

Yes, it was inappropriate and gross. She was also unkind and disrespectful to you to continue with the "joke" even after you expressed how you felt about the comment.

[katemary63]

Yes, she was out of line. She should apologize to your son.

 

:iagree:NASTY!!

[Nakia]

Wow. It honestly sounds like something my brothers and I would say to each other, but none of us are 14 year old boys. Geez...some people. I think you did a good job handling it!

Edited June 23, 2010 by Nakia

[Hen]

I think it was way out of line, and tacky. Someone said, "lack of good breeding", yes. It was mean, too-implying something about your boy.

 

I think you handled it better than I would have, I probably would have been so stunned I would have stayed silent. Good for you for saying something!

[Julie in CA]

Yes, she was incredibly rude. At the same time though, I was taught as a child (and I still believe) that it would be rude *to point out someone else's rudeness*. I would have swiftly changed the subject. If I felt that the person would be at all open to my input, I'd address my comments to them later, in private. I'd certainly point out later to my own children (again, in private) that some things are inappropriate for conversation. By addressing it in the way you did, the person probably was trying to "save face", and just didn't know how to get out of it in the light of your stridently expressed disapproval.

[kalanamak]

I would have thought it was in appropriate but I probably would have just said something along the lines of, "Hey, We are trying to keep things PG around here," and left it at that.

 

I'm not sure I would expect her to apologize. She either realizes she should never have said that and is probably terribly embarrassed (even if she dug a deeper hole in your presence) or she is CLUELESS. Either way she probably just wants to forget about it and hopes you do the same.

 

If that kind of thing happened again, I would take her aside and speak to her privately about the matter.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[mom4him]

WAY out of line! I would privately let her know that she would not be welcome back if I ever new of such suggestions again.:tongue_smilie:

[Mommy22alyns]

Tacky, inappropriate, out of line... I could go on and on! :001_huh:

[A.D.]

At worst, mildy inappropriate. She made a joke and misjudged her audience. This does no display a lack of breeding or being rude. It was just saying something that someone (in her view) unexpectedly found rude. The reaction was pretty over the top for a simple statement that could have simply been ignored.

 

I will admit that I am chuckling at the overreaction from some on this board. "She inferred my son reads 'Playboy'. I'm getting the vapors!"

[stripe]

I'm surprised no one has suggested you reciprocate.

 

Like you invite yourself to her house but ask her to please hide the -- first.

Whatever that might be. (Botox, perhaps? Viagra? Depends? I don't have a clue what would be similarly insulting. But insert it there.)

[MorganClassicalPrep]

At worst, mildy inappropriate. She made a joke and misjudged her audience. This does no display a lack of breeding or being rude. It was just saying something that someone (in her view) unexpectedly found rude. The reaction was pretty over the top for a simple statement that could have simply been ignored.

 

I will admit that I am chuckling at the overreaction from some on this board. "She inferred my son reads 'Playboy'. I'm getting the vapors!"

 

:iagree:I think the visitor really thought it was funny, and with some families/friends, it would be. I agree that it would bother me if she kept on with it, obviously at that point she realized you didn't consider it harmless. Honestly... we hear much worse in my family! Certainly not around the children, but by 14 I had heard some pretty crass things, all in the name of a joke. Now I won't be exposing MY daughter to many of these things as early as I was exposed... but, its not like most 14 years old aren't already aware of what a "playboy" is.

Shoot.... 14 year olds are already having you know what these days. NOT that I think THAT is okay, but your visitor probably took into account what she knows of 14 year olds, and let's face it, (at least the ones I know) homeschoolers are definitely behind the curve. (And thank God they are!)

[LG Gone Wild]

My 14yo ds wanted to show some visitors his Ham radio setup in his bedroom. An adult, female, visitor asked, "Can we see it now? Or do you have to go up and hide your Playboy magazines first?" :blink:

 

I was flabbergasted. She smirked like it was the funniest thing she'd ever said. I finally managed to say, loudly, "That was NOT appropriate!" At which point she got defensive and continued along the same line, until I said "We are changing the subject!"

 

Is it just me? Or was she out of line? What would you have done?

 

Well, I wouldn't have been up in arms about it. Yes, it was crass and I would have just rolled my eyes, slapped her on the back, and said, "Aw c'mon, you know we don't roll that way around here."

[funschooler5]

At worst, mildy inappropriate. She made a joke and misjudged her audience. This does no display a lack of breeding or being rude. It was just saying something that someone (in her view) unexpectedly found rude. The reaction was pretty over the top for a simple statement that could have simply been ignored.

 

I will admit that I am chuckling at the overreaction from some on this board. "She inferred my son reads 'Playboy'. I'm getting the vapors!"

 

:iagree:

 

It was a dumb joke based on the teenage boy stereotype. I doubt she meant anything personal by it. (At least, that's the impression I got from the story.)

[Mrs Mungo]

Well, I wouldn't have been up in arms about it. Yes, it was crass and I would have just rolled my eyes, slapped her on the back, and said, "Aw c'mon, you know we don't roll that way around here."

 

I would have made a further joke of it and said "hey, I didn't say we were going in MY room" and left it at that. ;) But, that's just me.

Edited June 23, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[Shawna in Texas]

At worst, mildy inappropriate. She made a joke and misjudged her audience. This does no display a lack of breeding or being rude. It was just saying something that someone (in her view) unexpectedly found rude. The reaction was pretty over the top for a simple statement that could have simply been ignored.

 

I will admit that I am chuckling at the overreaction from some on this board. "She inferred my son reads 'Playboy'. I'm getting the vapors!"

 

I would have made a further joke of it and said "hey, I didn't say we were going in MY room" and left it at that. ;) But, that's just me.

 

It just reminds me of my grandfather. Any time we go to/through his room to watch TV or use the restroom, he comes up with some crazy things he tells us to ignore. Crude humor is pretty commonplace in our family.

[sagira]

Oh, that could have rolled off my in-laws' tongue any day. It's mostly the males, though. I told my BIL (who's 17, has already slept with a girl and has made numerous crass remarks) that this baby was a surprise (I am newly pregnant and 16 years his senior), and he said dryly, "That's what happens when you have unprotected sex." When I was pregnant with dd a few years back and we were playing frisbee, he would joke about aiming for the belly, which housed an Aruban spawn of Satan. My other BIL (in his mid twenties) laughed, even my dh was trying hard not to chuckle. Even My FIL would have laughed if he heard both comments. Unfortunately, very typical of my in-laws. My FIL trained his kids to be smart **ses (his words). To a man raised in the sketchy parts of Brooklyn amidst the rough crowds, surival I guess. My MIL just tolerates it all. Sigh. Good, generous people, though. An oxy-moron I never thought possible until I met dh.

Edited June 23, 2010 by sagira

[Ravin]

Honestly, Playboy magazine is usually sitting on the table in the living room along with Mothering, Smithsonian, and National Geographic when we have guests over. It doesn't get classed in with the stuff in the cardboard box up high in the closet. So the comment mostly sounded dumb to me. I'd have said, "Why would he do that, the latest issue is right there." :lol:

[sagira]

Honestly, Playboy magazine is usually sitting on the table in the living room along with Mothering, Smithsonian, and National Geographic when we have guests over. It doesn't get classed in with the stuff in the cardboard box up high in the closet. So the comment mostly sounded dumb to me. I'd have said, "Why would he do that, the latest issue is right there." :lol:

 

:lol:

[Jackie in AR]

Yes, I think the comment is as crass as you think it is, but the comment "that's the way the world is" is also very telling.

 

What it tells me, anyway, is that type of joking is acceptable in the circles she runs in. I know a lot of people who wouldn't bat an eye at that comment (yes, I know many strange people, sigh, and several of them are relatives too.)

Since she is family, you probably should say something like "Yeah, I know the rest of the world's like that, but we're not so keep the Playboy jokes to yourself, okay?"

 

:iagree:

 

I've heard an 80+ yo, Sunday-school-teaching relative defend Playboy, saying that it's not as bad as she used to think it was. In her case it is definitely a reflection of the tolerance mindset of the company she keeps.

 

It was completely inappropriate.

[Jenny in GA]

At worst, mildy inappropriate. She made a joke and misjudged her audience. This does no display a lack of breeding or being rude. It was just saying something that someone (in her view) unexpectedly found rude. The reaction was pretty over the top for a simple statement that could have simply been ignored.

 

I will admit that I am chuckling at the overreaction from some on this board. "She inferred my son reads 'Playboy'. I'm getting the vapors!"

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I'm very surprised at the reactions this is getting. I also agree with the person who said it is rude to call attention to someone's rudeness.

 

I imagine if that had happened to me, I might have been taken aback (but maybe not, if I knew this person's sense of humor) and possibly a bit embarrassed, and then I would have gone on with my life.

 

I can't imagine demanding an apology, pulling the person aside later, and/or cutting off my relationship with them.

 

Jenny

[stripe]

I can't imagine demanding an apology, pulling the person aside later, and/or cutting off my relationship with them.

I think it may have to do with one's opinion of pornography, masturbation, and sexuality. Those who believe Playboy is morally offensive are likely to have a different view of their children being said to read it, than those who openly subscribe themselves.

[Desert Rat]

Honestly, Playboy magazine is usually sitting on the table in the living room along with Mothering, Smithsonian, and National Geographic when we have guests over. It doesn't get classed in with the stuff in the cardboard box up high in the closet. So the comment mostly sounded dumb to me. I'd have said, "Why would he do that, the latest issue is right there." :lol:

 

I wouldn't have reacted as negatively as some of the previous posters. I would have taken it as it was intended, a joke. Agreed, it was a bit tacky, but IMHO, it wasn't intended with malice. Obviously, the visitor didn't know the OP's morals/family very well. After being yelled at for the comment, if I had been the visitor, I would have backpeddled and not let the subject drop until I felt I had defended myself or apologized.

 

The line, "Thou dost protest too much" does come to mind, though.