Do you like to be called Mr/Mrs Lastname?

[JoyfulMama]

1) By children?

2) By service people (the mail carrier, the doctor office staff, the car sales person, technicians who respond to provide service at your house)?

3) What about service people whom you see regularly, such as the library staff?

 

I have been a Mrs for 13 years... and the only group that I am comfortable with calling me Mrs Lastname is the second. I'm 35, so really I AM a full-grown adult - with children even! :tongue_smilie: But it makes things seem so formal, and I don't like formal. Even when I teach a group of students, I still don't like the use of my last name. I understand the respect, but feel like there are more ways to be respectful than just using a title and their last name.

 

Anyone else? Either agree with me, or help me understand why you are comfortable with the title.

[stripe]

It seems like the only people who do this are customer service people or telemarketers on the phone. (Which tends to irritate me, especially as they usually mispronounce!)

 

I feel a bit young for it otherwise.

[QueenCat]

1) By children? No, they should call me Ms. Cathie. I do not like the super formal "Mrs" if I'm going to see the child on a regular basis.

2) By service people (the mail carrier, the doctor office staff, the car sales person, technicians who respond to provide service at your house)? Call me Cathie, I'm not above them, they are not my servants but are providing a service. If they don't know my first name, I'll tell them when they first address me by Mrs. ?. I'll say, nicely, please call me Cathie

3) What about service people whom you see regularly, such as the library staff? Same as number 2..

 

I have been a Mrs for 13 years... and the only group that I am comfortable with calling me Mrs Lastname is the second. I'm 35, so really I AM a full-grown adult - with children even! :tongue_smilie: But it makes things seem so formal, and I don't like formal. Even when I teach a group of students, I still don't like the use of my last name. I understand the respect, but feel like there are more ways to be respectful than just using a title and their last name.

 

Anyone else? Either agree with me, or help me understand why you are comfortable with the title.

 

See inserted answers.

[elegantlion]

No, I'm just Paula. If it's a child, Miss Paula is standard. If it's a formal meeting I'm okay with Mrs. ________, but prefer informality.

[Parrothead]

I would like it from the first two on your list. I think we live in a world with too much informality. I met a lady last night. I speak to her son weekly at church for just a moment, so I don't know him well. I saw them in the park and he introduced his mom to me as Nancy. :001_huh: She is obviously much older than my mom and I felt very uncomfortable addressing her by her first name.

[hornblower]

No.

 

I am not Mrs. anything.

 

I am Ms.

One of the high end grocery stores here has trained all their clerks to use your name to say "thank you, have a nice day, do you need help to your car?" if you pay by credit card. They do say Ms. btw :)

 

To children, nieces, nephews etc, I'm just first name.

[Mommyof4ks]

No, I am not a formal person, and to me Mrs... is something I call old people. I don't even like for kids to call me that. My first name is fine.

[FriedClams]

1) Yes. My kid's friends are not my friends & therefore should not use my first name. I think "Mrs. Lastname" is appropriate and respectful.

 

2) I am ambivalent.

 

3) i live in a small town so we all interact regularly and are frirnds. I prefer we use first names:

[Wheres Toto]

I usually do just first name. My name changed 6 years ago and many of my daughter's friends who have known her longer would be calling me "Mrs. wrong last name". It happens sometimes from adults at her dance studio since my last name is not the same as her.

 

If I were a teacher in a formal classroom setting, I would probably go with Ms. Dottie, Ms. Dorothy, or Ms. last name depending on the age of the students.

[Murphy101]

Yes.

I see no value to immitating a casual friend relationship that does not actually exist. I'm not their friend - I'm a customer or a client or a patron or whatever term. I prefer mutual friendly respect. It just seems more honest to me.

 

Has nothing to do with age. I've had people call me ma'am or Mrs - since I was 18 and I've never had to insist on it.

 

Now dh did insist once. Years ago he went to a kiddie function with our oldest and the lady making name tags at the desk ask for his name.

 

Mr. X-----

 

lady: No, the name the kids will know to call you.

 

Dh a bit thrown off half-joking says: Oh. That would be the "Mr" part. I'd suggest "Sir" but I don't really have a British title.

[jplain]

1. First name only is my preference, but I honor parents' wishes. And that is why I prefer not to introduce myself to children. In some situations, when the parent obviously wasn't going to introduce me, I've taken the initiative and said "Hi, I'm Firstname Lastname." Then a parent jumps in to contradict me, saying "No, that's Mrs. Lastname." Awkward!

 

2. I prefer to be called Mrs. Lastname by most service personnel, and I address them in kind. If we see each other often, I'm happy to switch to first names, as long as it is mutual. It bugs me that my doctor calls me by my first name, but I'm expected to call him/her Dr. Lastname. Even more annoying, our pediatrician calls me "Mom". :001_huh:

 

3. Library staff, etc.: first name only please!

Edited June 18, 2010 by jplain

[6packofun]

I'm Mrs. "Lastname" to all unless I introduce myself as "Firstname" and I usually don't with children. I think being called Mrs./Ms./Miss "Firstname" sounds utterly silly if it's being used as a compromise between respect and casualness. Just doesn't work for me. And it seems like it's used an awful lot for elderly widowed Sunday school teachers, so I can't quite identify. lol

[Daisy]

1) By children? I usually get called Ms. Daphyne or Teacher, Teacher or Buttercup's mom or Aunt Daphyne. The only children who call me Mrs. Lastname are my husband's students. The Mr./Ms/Miss First Name is pretty much universally used in our church's children's area.

 

2) By service people (the mail carrier, the doctor office staff, the car sales person, technicians who respond to provide service at your house)? You know I cannot even remember any of these people using my name. When a secretary calls me into the back for an appt. it is by my first name. Most service people just call me ma'am. As in "Ma'am, would it be okay if I check out..."

 

3) What about service people whom you see regularly, such as the library staff? I'd consider them friends or acquaintances and we'd be on a "first name" basis.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

1) Yes. My kid's friends are not my friends & therefore should not use my first name. I think "Mrs. Lastname" is appropriate and respectful.

 

2) I am ambivalent.

 

3) i live in a small town so we all interact regularly and are frirnds. I prefer we use first names:

 

:iagree:

[TravelingChris]

I am not Mrs. since I have a different last name then my husband. I am Ms. mylastname or Ms. Christina. I actually don't like it when co-ops, Sunday schools, whatever, try to make the kids say my last name. Most of them have problems and I would rather they say Ms. Christina than Ms. Wronglypronouncedlastname

[staceyobu]

I don't like being Mrs. Lastname unless it is a person you basically don't have a relationship with at all (ie cable repair guy). I teach my children to call other adults Miss Firstname. I prefer children to call me by my firstname or Miss/Mrs. Firstname.

 

Lots of kids at our church use Mrs. Lastname. I don't like it. Isn't that my MIL's name?

 

I think in our area at least, Ms. Firstname is used pretty commonly by kids. I like that it is respectful but intimate.

[Tabrett]

I dislike very much being called Mrs. Last Name. I got used to it when I taught school. I don't even care to be called Ms. First Name or Aunt First Name. I prefer just First Name.

 

I personally don't think it is disrespectful to be called by my first name by anyone. It IS my NAME. I wasn't named Mrs. Last Name.

 

I think it is silly when people get all upset when proper titles and sir and ma'am aren't used. I have had many, many disrespectful kids say "Yes ma'am! Mrs. Last Name". And many sweet kids say "yep, first name" (with a beautiful smile).

 

Respect comes from the heart. And not "proper" verbiage.

 

Oh, and I am 39 years old with a teenage dd.

[Daisy]

I am not Mrs. since I have a different last name then my husband. I am Ms. mylastname or Ms. Christina. I actually don't like it when co-ops, Sunday schools, whatever, try to make the kids say my last name. Most of them have problems and I would rather they say Ms. Christina than Ms. Wronglypronouncedlastname

 

:iagree: LOL. I think this is partly why we don't expect children to call us by our last name. It usually gets butchered and I don't really want to turn it into a lesson in German phonics, kwim?

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

None of the above. I'm Heidi. Or Ms/Mrs Heidi by very young children if their parents prefer a bit more formality.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I hate it. It was especially bad after the divorce when my ex-husband started referring to me as Ms. Lastname. It doesn't imply respect so much as distance, to me.

[angela in ohio]

Yes, yes, and depends. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a cashier calls me my first name off of my credit card. One even called me "Angie" the other day. :glare: Almost as big as my pet peeve about being called "Miss."

 

I call anyone my parents age or older "Mr. ___" or Mrs. ___" until told to do otherwise. Of course, I also call anyone I don't know Sir or Ma'am/Miss.

 

I will correct a child who calls me by my first name, but not an adult. Luckily, most people I know have their dc do the same as we do. If someone wished my dc to call them by their first name, they are taught to respect that. They do tell me it feels awkward to them, and I know the adult probably thinks they are making them feel more comfortable.

[fivetails]

It feels weird to me when someone calls me "Mrs. Lastname" ~ I'm not a very formal person and I don't come from a very formal background (family/friends)...

 

Back east (we moved two years ago) all of my kids' friends called me by my name - here, most of them have been told by their folks to call me "Mrs. Lastname" .. and I respect that the parent has the right to instruct the kid on what to call me ~ but sometimes they end up having to repeat themselves or tap me when they're trying to get my attention because a lot of the time it just doesn't register. :001_huh:

 

 

I wouldn't mind "Miss Firstname" ~ at least then my ears would catch it. ;)

[Rosy]

1) By children?

2) By service people (the mail carrier, the doctor office staff, the car sales person, technicians who respond to provide service at your house)?

3) What about service people whom you see regularly, such as the library staff?

 

1. Yes. I have taught my kids that adults aren't their peers and that they are to call adults "Mr./Ms. Firstname" or "Mr./Ms. Lastname". I'm not strict on which name, but the title is important. I prefer the title when kids address me, but I would *never* correct them--I am not their parent. I especially appreciate it when teens call me (or other adults) by my last name, especially without being made to by their parents. I appreciate "Ma'am" too, though I haven't taught that to my own kids very well--if he doesn't know an adults name, my son will call them "Mrs. Someone". :lol:

 

2. Yes. Unless I've instructed them to call me by my first name, I think it is an appropriate sign of respect. When someone in that situation does call me by my first name, my involuntary reaction is to think, "Wow, you don't know me well enough to do that, do you?". Ma'am is fine if they don't know my last name.

 

3. I'd probably appreciate "Mrs. Lastname" unless I knew them and had conversations with them on a regular basis.

 

To me, a child is not an adult's peer. A service person is not my peer, either. And as a service person, I am not the peer of the person to whom I am providing a service. I don't know how to explain it...and I'm aware that it sounds snobby, but I think for someone to acknowledge a legitimate higher position is nice.

[nukeswife]

No, I'm just Paula. If it's a child, Miss Paula is standard. If it's a formal meeting I'm okay with Mrs. ________, but prefer informality.

 

:iagree: Just substitute the name Kelly or Kel for Paula.

[JenneinCA]

Just a funny, my son's previous music teacher was Miss Heidi. She was married had a husband and kids. That was just the accepted address for her. On recital days her husband was often around. Because none of the kids (and most of the parents) knew his name or her last name HE was called Mr. Heidi several times.

 

I asked him about it once and he said it surprised him the first few years and then he got used to it. The kids didn't know any other way to address him and did the best they could. So on recital days he knows he needs to answer to Mr. Heidi, a name that doesn't really make much sense.

[manylilblessings]

yes, no, and no.

 

By children, yes, because it shows respect.

 

By service people no; we are peers.

 

I agree about the telemarketers... they're annoying even if they feign respect.

[Parrothead]

(okay - so the Mrs thing also makes me feel OLD)

I've seen the "old' comment a couple of times, and don't get it. Using Mrs. as a title doesn't make me feel old or superior. It makes me feel pride in being married to dh. I am missus. I am married to that guy, and proud of it. It is part of who I am. It doesn't mean I'm his mother.

[LibraryLover]

I prefer my name. One thing I don't like is when people who are not my children call me mom, as the new dental hygenist at our practice did the other day. I find that incredibily annoying, Mrs. would be far better than that.

 

I mostly feel sorry for telemarketers; it's got to be one of the all-time worst jobs. (I am on the No Call list. If some do get through the filter, I tell them this... they hang up fast).

Edited June 18, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Daisy]

As far as what I've taught my children, the default setting is Mr/Ms/Miss Last name. If the adult says, "Call me so-in-so" then that is fine. My kids would at that point say, Mr/Ms/Miss so-in-so. If the person asked them to drop the title, they'd probably look at me like, "What am I supposed to do now?" But that has never happened.

[Daisy]

I've seen the "old' comment a couple of times, and don't get it. Using Mrs. as a title doesn't make me feel old or superior. It makes me feel pride in being married to dh. I am missus. I am married to that guy, and proud of it. It is part of who I am. It doesn't mean I'm his mother.

 

I don't get that either. Maybe because husband still gets called Mr. Lastname at work. It doesn't make feel old. It doesn't make me think of my MIL either.

[ChristusG]

I started working with children when I was 16. They were required to call me Miss Christy. I also worked with AWANA soon after I was married and they were required to call me Mrs Lastname. I really didn't like that....I would have much preferred them to call me Mrs. Christy.

 

Now....I would rather just be known by my first name.

[AndyJoy]

I've seen the "old' comment a couple of times, and don't get it. Using Mrs. as a title doesn't make me feel old or superior. It makes me feel pride in being married to dh. I am missus. I am married to that guy, and proud of it. It is part of who I am. It doesn't mean I'm his mother.

:iagree:

[Tap]

Anyone can call me by my first name and I don't mind.

 

BUT, I do believe that until I tell someone that they can call me by my fist name, they should use Mrs. Lastname only.

 

I also prefer Sir and Ma'am, but I didn't teach my own children that as we live in the PNW now, and many people find it rude here (implies an 'older' age).

[Imprimis]

:iagree: Just substitute the name Kelly or Kel for Paula.

 

Another :iagree: except it's Tina or Kristina here...

[fivetails]

(okay - so the Mrs thing also makes me feel OLD)

 

I've seen the "old' comment a couple of times, and don't get it. Using Mrs. as a title doesn't make me feel old or superior. It makes me feel pride in being married to dh. I am missus. I am married to that guy, and proud of it. It is part of who I am. It doesn't mean I'm his mother.

 

I love my husband & and I am also very proud to be married to him ~ I don't think I said anything that indicated otherwise. ;)

 

The age thing is something that I have difficulty with on a personal level.

[JoyfulMama]

I've seen the "old' comment a couple of times, and don't get it. Using Mrs. as a title doesn't make me feel old or superior. It makes me feel pride in being married to dh. I am missus. I am married to that guy, and proud of it. It is part of who I am. It doesn't mean I'm his mother.

 

I wasn't allowed to call dh's mom Mrs. Lastname, as she didn't want to be called that, but I didn't feel comfortable calling her Firstname, and neither did I want to call her Mom. So I never addressed her directly until after we were married. (I didn't want to get snapped at again.)

 

Once I had graduated from college many friends of my parents told me I could use their first name, as I was no longer a child. Yet I didn't feel that we were really PEERS. Yet their closest friends were always Firstname to us.

 

I am glad to be a missus, and proud to be married to my dh. I don't mind if HE calls me missus. And I don't mind when the title is used in a non-relationship (#2).

 

I think that is the distinction for me - a relationship. The librarians here (in our small town) insist on calling me Mrs. Lastname. We are there at least once a week. We chitchat. We are slowly getting to know eachother. That relationship is growing, yet the title keeps it formal.

[Parrothead]

I love my husband & and I am also very proud to be married to him ~ I don't think I said anything that indicated otherwise. ;)

 

The age thing is something that I have difficulty with on a personal level.

No, you didn't. I probably should have gone back and quoted all the old references so as not to single out any one person who make a reference to being called Mrs. making them feel old.

 

All I was saying was that I don't understand how being called Mrs. makes anyone feel old because it doesn't make me feel old it makes me proud to be dh's wife.

[*Jessica*]

Yes.

I see no value to immitating a casual friend relationship that does not actually exist. I'm not their friend - I'm a customer or a client or a patron or whatever term. I prefer mutual friendly respect. It just seems more honest to me.

This is how I feel. And I HATE to be called Ms. Jessica by a child, though I have no idea why. If it is a child with whom I have some sort of relationship beyond a casual acquantaince, and they are going to use my first name, I really prefer that they just call me Jessica.

 

As far as what I've taught my children, the default setting is Mr/Ms/Miss Last name. If the adult says, "Call me so-in-so" then that is fine. My kids would at that point say, Mr/Ms/Miss so-in-so.

This is how we do it, also.

[angela in ohio]

This is how I feel. And I HATE to be called Ms. Jessica by a child, though I have no idea why. If it is a child with whom I have some sort of relationship beyond a casual acquantaince, and they are going to use my first name, I really prefer that they just call me Jessica.

 

 

I agree. I know that in some regions it is very common. It is not in this area. To call a woman Miss FirstName is a slight here, imho. I am too old to be called Miss Angela by anyone, even a child. I am not their preschool teacher. :tongue_smilie: My young, unmarried daughters are called Miss FirstName when they help out at camps or classes.

 

I am called Mrs. Husband'sFirstName at his school. It's cute. :D The students are all special needs and many are older, and they call him Principal FirstName.

[Dawn in OH]

The only people I expect to call me Mrs. ___________ are people that I don't know. I honestly hate when people call my house, that I have never met, and refer to me by my first name. If you are calling from a business, I feel you should address me as Mrs. __________ unless I indicate otherwise.

 

I hate to be called Miss Dawn by children. I don't know why. I know a homeschooling mom that has taught her children to do this and for some reason I cannot stand to hear it.

 

The childrens friends, the librarians, the nurses at the children's doctors office and even the UPS man (who I see at least twice a month) are all welcome to address me by my first name.

[Slartibartfast]

1) By children?

 

No, children I would rather call me "Miss First Name" or just my first name. Using "Miss First name" is really common in military families and something my kids picked up on. :lol: We are not military but we see some. Mrs/Mr Last name is really formal and not something I like. To me, it isn't about my pride in whether I am a Miss or Mrs to me but making the kids comfortable.

 

2) By service people (the mail carrier, the doctor office staff, the car sales person, technicians who respond to provide service at your house)?

 

Yes, I don't like it when people use my first name because they read it on my debit card.

 

 

3) What about service people whom you see regularly, such as the library staff?

 

No, I think they know me well enough to use my first name

Edited June 18, 2010 by Sis

[Ellie]

1) By children?

Yes

2) By service people (the mail carrier, the doctor office staff, the car sales person, technicians who respond to provide service at your house)?

Yes.

3) What about service people whom you see regularly, such as the library staff?

Yes.

 

There's nothing wrong with formal. If you start out formal, you can confer friendship on someone by saying, "Oh, just call me Alice!"

 

And really, it has nothing to do with formal or informal or age or anything. It's a sign of respect.

 

People in the South tend to use Mr./Mrs. more than folks in California. I like it.:)

 

Oh, the dc at my church call everyone Miss Firstname or Mr. Firstname.

[Julie in CA]

Yes

 

Yes.

 

Yes.

 

There's nothing wrong with formal. If you start out formal, you can confer friendship on someone by saying, "Oh, just call me Alice!"

 

And really, it has nothing to do with formal or informal or age or anything. It's a sign of respect.

 

People in the South tend to use Mr./Mrs. more than folks in California. I like it.:)

 

Oh, the dc at my church call everyone Miss Firstname or Mr. Firstname.

Ellie answered exactly as I would have, so I don't need to write it all out.

 

(Oh, and woe be unto any of my children who casually call any adult by their first name only without explicit permission!)

[Michelle My Bell]

1. Yes. I have taught my kids that adults aren't their peers and that they are to call adults "Mr./Ms. Firstname" or "Mr./Ms. Lastname". I'm not strict on which name, but the title is important. I prefer the title when kids address me, but I would *never* correct them--I am not their parent. I especially appreciate it when teens call me (or other adults) by my last name, especially without being made to by their parents. I appreciate "Ma'am" too, though I haven't taught that to my own kids very well--if he doesn't know an adults name, my son will call them "Mrs. Someone". :lol:

 

2. Yes. Unless I've instructed them to call me by my first name, I think it is an appropriate sign of respect. When someone in that situation does call me by my first name, my involuntary reaction is to think, "Wow, you don't know me well enough to do that, do you?". Ma'am is fine if they don't know my last name.

 

3. I'd probably appreciate "Mrs. Lastname" unless I knew them and had conversations with them on a regular basis.

 

To me, a child is not an adult's peer. A service person is not my peer, either. And as a service person, I am not the peer of the person to whom I am providing a service. I don't know how to explain it...and I'm aware that it sounds snobby, but I think for someone to acknowledge a legitimate higher position is nice.

 

:iagree:For me it is not about formality, it is about respect. Just as I would presume to walk past someone's entrance of their home without them inviting me too, I wouldn't call them by their first name without them inviting me too. It is the way I feel and you can't talk me out of it. LOL:lol:

[cin]

I prefer Mrs. Last Name until told otherwise. I see one of my childhood friends' mom almost every week, and she is still Mrs. Last Name to me. I feel it is respect. Public schools still do Mr(s) last name, I believe.

 

I have told my librarian (and I call her MY because she has been a dream to work with, pulling books she thinks we'd like, giving stickers to the girls, marking DVDs returned in the computer without seeing them (they WERE returned, she just didn't go through the whole bin. She trusted me!) and our OT to call me cindy. Most others call me Mrs. Garman. I just feel like we're not friends. If they call me Cindy, it sorta catches me off guard.

 

And as someone said before, woe to my children if they ever address an adult as something other than Mr/Mrs. (or Pastor, Dr. Officer, etc). unless specifically told otherwise.

[alpidarkomama]

Being addressed as Mr. or Mrs. is the norm in our community, and I like it very much. :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, if people use my last name and say it correctly, I'm fine with it. And I never correct anyone. But I would never introduce myself to suggest "call me Mrs. H****." I struggled with subbing because they were supposed to use last names. We had fun with it though. I either taught them to say it "like a German" or they just called me Mrs H (just the H). That seemed a lot less formal.

 

I think formal is fine for certain situations. And a good place to START. But I don't like STAYING formal.

[Just Robyn]

No. I wouldn't like for anyone to ever call me Mrs. ......... I find formalities rude. I know that's not the way people mean it, but that's the way I take it. If I were teaching a class that required the children to call me by my last name, I would call each of them by their last name too. Respect goes both ways.

[Parrothead]

No. I wouldn't like for anyone to ever call me Mrs. ......... I find formalities rude. I know that's not the way people mean it, but that's the way I take it. If I were teaching a class that required the children to call me by my last name, I would call each of them by their last name too. Respect goes both ways.

I actually think that would be a good thing.

[Desert Rat]

No. I wouldn't like for anyone to ever call me Mrs. ......... I find formalities rude. I know that's not the way people mean it, but that's the way I take it. If I were teaching a class that required the children to call me by my last name, I would call each of them by their last name too. Respect goes both ways.

 

Maybe not "rude" but not friendly. Children call Miss Kalah (Miss is easier to say than Mrs.) Respect is earned, IMHO, although my children are very respectful in their tone and words. Mrs. Lastname, doesn't show respect in my book. It shows formality.