Update on how I am doing since the loss of our son...

[Kari C in SC]

I have been lurking, but not posting much. I just want to THANK everyone who has sent a card, a paypal, and even a gift (thanks Kay). I am overwhelmed with all of your kindness. And the prayers are what is holding me up a bit.

 

It has been very hard. Some moments I feel okay and others (more often than not) I feel as though there is no possible way I can live the rest of my life without hearing Timmy's laugh. I am struggling greatly with the "Why my sweet boy?" I know there is no answer, but I can't help running through my head over and over. Everyone thinks there kids are great, as they should. My Timmy was an amazing young man. He wasn't just my son, he had become my best friend. I am so lost without him.

 

Overall, we are getting through. My little one is dealing better now. The first 2 weeks, he was just mad at everything. Savannah is being too strong. She is trying to make us all okay. My dh is doing better. I wasn't sure he was going to make it the first 2 weeks. He is just as lost as I am, but he is back at work and trying to keep breathing.

 

I have irrational fears that nobody will ever remember him. I just can't stand the thought that Sebastian will not know his brother. I am trying hard to work through this, but right now it is all so much.

 

Anyway, I did not thank everyone individually, but I want anyone that sent a kind word or anything else to know that I am so thankful for it. Please keep praying for us.

[olan719]

Sweet Kari, I have been thinking about you and praying for you. :grouphug: I pray you can continue to find some peace as you work through your grief. It is so thoughtful of you to take the time to update, and thank everyone. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: Oh Kari, I'm sorry that it is such a hard journey right now. We continue to pray for you.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

:grouphug: You are in my prayers.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

You are still in my heart and my prayers. :grouphug:

[2cents]

I've been keeping you all in my thoughts. :grouphug:

[jujsky]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

You are so sweet to take the time to write. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers still.:grouphug:

[Heather in AL]

Kari,

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Your family is still in my thoughts.

[newlifemom]

Continuing to pray.

[kalanamak]

 

I have irrational fears that nobody will ever remember him. I just can't stand the thought that Sebastian will not know his brother.

 

 

Tell stories about him. Tell your little one about what Timmy did when he was 7 or 10 or whatever his age is. Take him places you went with Timmy. Take photos, and have an album where a bored child on a rainy day can look. You littlest will make his own memory of him, and it will be as important to him as yours are to you. I promise.

Edited June 9, 2010 by kalanamak

[elizabeth]

Yes indeed. Beautifully said Kalanamak.

[MamaT]

:grouphug: Kari, I am praying for you and your family and think of you so often.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug::grouphug: I've been thinking of you.

[jenL]

Thank you for checking in with us, Kari. I've been thinking about you. Still praying. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[OnTheBrink]

:grouphug:

[Jennifer in MI]

I'll remember him and I didn't even know him!!! I'll remember him every time I see my brothers home from the military. I'll remember him every time I see fireworks. I'll remember him when we visit AK next year. I swear, he won't be forgotten!!!! Even if people don't talk to you about him. He'll be remembered by what you've said here!!!! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Caitilin]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Granny_Weatherwax]

:grouphug:

 

Praying for you.

[Guest KaciMI]

Tell stories about him. Tell your little one about what Timmy did when he was 7 or 10 or whatever his age is. Take him places you went with Timmy. Take photos, and have an album where a bored child on a rainy day can look. You littlest will make his own memory of him, and it will be as important to him and yours are to you. I promise.

 

 

Love the ideas. I would celebrate his birthday every year.

[LibraryLover]

I've been thinking constantly about your family. I have spoken about your family to whoever will listen. I am so sorry.

[Starr]

I can't imagine the grief and pain you have. You are in my prayers. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:

 

Your children will never forget their brother. You will always remember. I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your husband. My brother died when he was 7, I was 9, I know it was incredibly hard for my parents.

 

I've been thinking of you everyday. You and your family are still in my prayers. :grouphug: again.

[Nakia]

:grouphug:

[Desert Rat]

Continued prayers for you, Kari, and your family.

[Kari C in SC]

Love the ideas. I would celebrate his birthday every year.

 

I had him on my mom's birthday. He joined the army on my dad's birthday. He deployed to Iraq on his dad's birthday and he was buried on his aunt's birthday. He had a way with birthdays.

[Corraleno]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Jackie

[Giraffe]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

Kari, thank you SO MUCH for updating us all. I've been thinking about you so much, praying for your family, etc. I want you to know that my friend lost her husband due to cancer 3 years ago. I was intimately involved with the family throughout the process. Their girls, then ages 8, 14 and 16, were SO fearful they wouldn't remember their dad. We all tried to encourage them, etc. but there was no taking that fear away.

 

Remember you have tons of pictures and maybe video clippings? Talk about Timmy. Maybe journal what your kids share: their favorite memories, favorite talks, favorite outings, etc. ANYTHING and EVERYTHING they tell you, write it down and pull it out to read with them regularly. Sebastian is so young. If you do this, you will help him to remember.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[misidawnrn]

Kari, I couldn't even imagine your pain. I am sorry you are having to endure this!:grouphug:

[Kate CA]

I just want to say how terribly sorry I am for your loss. My mama heart hears your hurt and I pray the Lord will give you His comfort in those times of extra pain. :grouphug:

[lisabees]

Always thinking of you and your family. :grouphug:

[jenn&charles]

Thank you so much for the update. I'm continuing to pray for you and your family.

[Rosie_0801]

:grouphug:

[cbollin]

You are so sweet to take the time to write. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers still.:grouphug:

 

:iagree::grouphug:

 

-crystal

[Shawneinfl]

:grouphug:

[juelle]

Dear, dear Kari,

We will never forget your boy. His memory will be eternal.

 

At our house, when we ask God's blessing on each meal, we ask Him to give our boy a hug from us. His name is spoken every day. I have had 4 kids since I lost my B-boy, and they all know him! They tell people about him, usually in situations which then become awkward. :D I mean, what does the lady in the store say when a kid tells her that their brother died? Maybe you already know about that now, sadly...

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

May God bless you hearts, all of you, today.

[Liza Q]

Kari - he will not be forgotten. You and your family will always remember and talk about him and your Sebastian will grow up knowing all about his brother.

 

My Hannah was only one and I was pregnant with Benjamin when Daniel died and they know everything there is to know about him - his favorite things, his little fears, all the silly jokes and funny stories. Katie and Sarah, our older girls, remember him well and they were eight and six when he died. He is still a part of our family.

 

Your Timmy is still a part of your family. He will not be forgotten.

 

Praying for you all.

[ConnieB]

Tell stories about him. Tell your little one about what Timmy did when he was 7 or 10 or whatever his age is. Take him places you went with Timmy. Take photos, and have an album where a bored child on a rainy day can look. You littlest will make his own memory of him, and it will be as important to him as yours are to you. I promise.

:iagree:

 

 

Just as a child that loses a parent early in life can still have a strong knowledge and memory of them, so can Sebastian about Timmy. When Sebastian is ready, let him pick up something of Timmy's, perhaps a shirt that Sebastian always liked of Timmys, or a trinket....to keep in his room to remember Timmy. I can speak from experience that this trinket can become a highly cherished item to him.

 

I know right now you think it's completely impossible that you can talk to Sebastian about Timmy without losing it, but you are likely to find that the more you do talk about Timmy, telling Sebastian all the silly stories about his big brother, that your emotions will also begin to change, and the retelling of the stories will not be as painful and will eventually turn into cherishing those memories in a new way, one that can actually bring you joy in the telling. Obviously it takes time and there is much sadness still ahead, but I can almost easily talk about my lost angel and do it with laughter even. Except for times like now when I read your pain and relive my own....but it's a tolerable pain, almost.

 

There are many online support groups for parents who have lost children. When you're ready, you may want to look into those, or into whether there are chapters in your town. While everyone around you can offer love and support, only those who have also suffered this type of loss can understand the depth of the pain. Honestly, I'd heard that phrase many times over the years and almost resented it, thinking I could support friends who lost a child.......but I didn't truly understand it's truth until my daughter died. It is a completely different level of grief.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Colleen in NS]

I missed this thread, Kari! Just wanted to say it's nice to "see" you, and to hear how you are doing. May you and yours continue to be comforted as you move along. Do keep telling people about Timmy. He was obviously important to people, and will not be forgotten.