Would this bug you?

[Natalieclare]

Every night on his way home from work, my dh stops by Wendy's and grabs a junior cheeseburger. For some reason, this just annoys me to no end.

 

I don't think I am that bad of a cook. :glare:

 

I know he works without stopping from 1-6/6:30. He is pretty ravenous by the end of that time and is faced with a fairly hefty commute. I guess I'm sympathetic to that--Ive thought about stashing a box of cliff bars in his office, but then I wonder, why does a cheeseburger annoy me to pieces and a cliff bar doesn't?

 

When he comes home, he doesn't usually want dinner, which takes a lot of the fun out of cooking for me.

 

Am I reacting irrationally?

[Moxie]

I don't think so. I think it is a little rude to eat dinner when you know someone is at home making dinner. Plus, a cheeseburger every day is really bad for him!

[Kathleen in VA]

Well, yes and no. It wouldn't bother me that he was hungry and needed to eat before he got home, but it would take the fun out of cooking dinner for me too. Usually, if I know dh won't be eating at home, I don't even bother making anything "big." We have grilled cheese or leftovers or cold sandwiches or something along that line.

 

Have you asked him about your cooking? I mean, have you asked him if there's something he doesn't like about it or if there are dishes he likes enough to wait to come home to eat? I admit, I'd feel a little ( or a lot) insecure about my cooking skills if my husband ate before he came home every. single. night. I can see having a craving for fast food every once in a while, but not daily. I'm no help am I?

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dh has been known to do this too and he's also in the health field. I still make him eat my dinner too:D It would actually be better for him if he had the stash of cliff bars or a V-8 or even some cheese and crackers at work so that he could eat them around 3 pm or so.

[pqr]

It should not annoy you.

 

Male perspective here.....he has just finished a day at work, if he wants a burger (or a beer) he has earned that.

[Desert Rat]

No, it wouldn't bother me if he had a long commute. I would, however, pack a snack/dinner for him. I'm thinking of something like a tortilla wrap that he can eat with one hand.

Maybe it annoys you because he makes an extra stop on an already long commute? Even if it's only a drive-thru?

Maybe you wish you could just have a Wendy's cheeseburger? I know I used to envy my dh when he got to go out to lunch with co-workers for business lunches, etc. I would be a little resentful of my bowl of leftover spaghetti or my tuna sandwich.

It's tough will seemingly little things bug you to no end. Don't let it fester. Just my two pennies.

[Mynyel]

Every night on his way home from work, my dh stops by Wendy's and grabs a junior cheeseburger. For some reason, this just annoys me to no end.

 

I don't think I am that bad of a cook. :glare:

 

I know he works without stopping from 1-6/6:30. He is pretty ravenous by the end of that time and is faced with a fairly hefty commute. I guess I'm sympathetic to that--Ive thought about stashing a box of cliff bars in his office, but then I wonder, why does a cheeseburger annoy me to pieces and a cliff bar doesn't?

 

When he comes home, he doesn't usually want dinner, which takes a lot of the fun out of cooking for me.

 

Am I reacting irrationally?

 

I love to cook for the family. If it was me it would really take the wind out of my sails if my dh was eating on the way home.

 

I think of it like this. The reason the box of snacks at work wouldn't bother me is because I am providing it for my dh and feeling like I am taking care of him.

 

Whereas when he is grabbing a burger I am not and he is just grabbing whatever he can.

 

It is what the burger represents not the burger itself.

 

For me anyway :)

[coffeefreak]

It would bother me for the following reasons:

1. His health

2. The cost

3. Why am I cooking?

 

When DH worked a night job along with his day job, he would eat what I cooked the night before at his first job, before he left the office. Maybe that's what you should do. Pack him a serving of whatever you made the night before, and he can eat it before he commutes home. OR he can eat it at lunch, and you can pack him a sandwich for his commute home (we've done that too).

 

HTH!

Dorinda

[QueenCat]

Honestly, no. Unless it is real $ issue for your family (taking away from essentials), then no. Plan your dinner a little later, if need be, so he'll be hungry again. Maybe talk him in to bring a snack a couple days of the week, and eating it earlier as a compromise, if he can eat at work. It's not good to drive when starving, or he'll be distracted by his hunger. If it helps, as far as $ goes, my dh and I each get a set amount of cash each week that we do not have to justify the expenditure of to each other. He goes out for lunch once a week, occasionally out for a drink with co-workers, and has his coffee money. I go out a time or two with friends or the kids. I spend more than he does since I usually have a kid or two with me, so I get a little more "unjustified" play money each week.

[dirty ethel rackham]

It should not annoy you.

 

Male perspective here.....he has just finished a day at work, if he wants a burger (or a beer) he has earned that.

 

So, at 10 pm at night when MY day is done, I should eat a quart of ice cream? Not only is it not healthy, it is disrespectful. I think the clif bar or even a packed lunch could be a better solution than eating a very unhealthy meal and then not eat a lovingly prepared meal at home.

[fivetails]

 

Male perspective here.....he has just finished a day at work, if he wants a burger (or a beer) he has earned that.

 

I'm not a guy, but I agree with the "male perspective" here. My husband doesn't usually stop for anything on the way home, but there's lots of times that he gets home and doesn't want whatever supper I made ~ so he makes himself something later, runs out and grabs wings, whatever. [the kids eat the meal and he'll take his portions for lunch the next day]

 

I figure, my husband is a grown man - he can decide what/when/where he wants to eat. :)

[May]

Cooking isn't my most favorite thing to do. If I knew that dh was grabbing something on the way home and then didn't want the dinner I prepared, I would be upset. My dh had a long commute (1 1/2 hours) on his way home and he never did this. Dh has always been very gracious about my cooking and this has motivated me to become better at it.

[Jen500]

We like to eat a family dinner together, so that would bother me. I'd expect my dh to eat a small snack to tide himself over until dinner.

[HRAAB]

I would want him to tell me in advance that he won't be eating at home so I don't prepare more food than necessary. If it was a constant thing, yes, it would bother me for a couple reasons: I put effort into putting a healthy, well cooked meal on table and dinner is family time for us. So, once in a while with advance notice, sure. Frequently, yes, it would bother me.

 

eta: I do recognize he has been working hard all day for his family, and I do honor his hard work. That is why I put effort into cooking meals he enjoys and that are healthy. I totally understand why he needs to unwind so there's always a cold beer for him, and I don't let the girls jump all over him when he walks in the door. I think it's mutual respect on both sides.

Edited May 16, 2010 by Ishki

[pqr]

So, at 10 pm at night when MY day is done, I should eat a quart of ice cream? Not only is it not healthy, it is disrespectful. I think the clif bar or even a packed lunch could be a better solution than eating a very unhealthy meal and then not eat a lovingly prepared meal at home.

 

The ice cream is up to you.

 

I come home for dinner, I appreciate that my wife makes it, I love eating with the family but after a day at work if I decided not to I would not. I may sit with the family while they ate or enjoy time with them afterwards.

 

The one point I will cede is that it is appropriate to warn one's wife in advance.

 

The argument about health is really patronising, I assume he is an adult and does not need an on line dabate about his food choices.

 

-pqr

[Laurie]

 

When he comes home, he doesn't usually want dinner, which takes a lot of the fun out of cooking for me.

 

 

 

In my opinion, he's setting a bad example for his children by not eating dinner with his family, and he's being rude to you. I would tell my own dh that he'd better ditch Wendy, "the other woman", and there would be trouble if I found any ketchup on his collar.

I just looked up the nutrition info. on this and it's high in saturated fat and sodium...does he by any chance have high blood pressure and/or high cholesterol? I'd be a nervous wreck if my dh was mixing a long/stressful commute with a bad diet and I'd probably greet him at the door with a blood pressure cuff.

Since Father's Day is coming up I would be tempted to give him some healthy food items that he can keep at work or maybe a lunchbox that the kids can help you pack for him.

:grouphug:

[pqr]

Since Father's Day is coming up I would be tempted to give him some healthy food items

 

Trust me on this....the LAST thing a husband wants on Father's Day is a "healthy food item", even the ugly Christmas tie beats that (not by much, but it beats it).

[EKS]

This would bug me too.

 

ETA: The working hard to feed the family thing doesn't cut it with me. As a homeschooling parent and homemaker (I'm making this assumption about the OP, forgive me if I am assuming incorrectly), I think it is extremely likely that the OP is working *just* as hard as the husband for the benefit of her family, and that work extends to making meals for the *entire* family to enjoy together. Why is it that people always assume that paid employment is somehow more exhausting and important than unpaid endeavors? As someone who has experienced both, I have found that the paid employment was a heck of a lot easier in many ways than this homeschooling/homemaking thing.

Edited May 16, 2010 by EKS

[JenC3]

I would care zero about the money since burgers are cheap.

I would care zero about the eating before coming home.

I would care zero about not eating with the family.

 

I would care about that nasty processed junk going into the body of the man I hope will be spending the rest of his life with me. A burger EVERY DAY is just as bad a smoking cigarettes, they will eventually catch up with him.

[Laurie]

Trust me on this....the LAST thing a husband wants on Father's Day is a "healthy food item", even the ugly Christmas tie beats that (not by much, but it beats it).

 

And trust me on this...the LAST thing I want to hear after fixing a nice dinner for the family is that my dh ate a burger from Wendy's instead. And this happens every night??? Let's just say that *Frosty* could be added to the menu at home, too. ;)

[EKS]

And trust me on this...the LAST thing I want to hear after fixing a nice dinner for the family is that my dh ate a burger from Wendy's instead. And this happens every night??? Let's just say that *Frosty* could be added to the menu at home, too. ;)

 

:iagree:

[catalinakel]

I don't know.....he probably needs a shot of protein, and in his hectic day, the cheeseburger does the trick. So in that sense it wouldn't bother me. If it was breaking the bank, it would. About the eating dinner with the family? Well, that could be a problem, or maybe he just needs some down time alone at home right after work? I'd ask him about it.

[Daisy]

I know he works without stopping from 1-6/6:30

 

Okay, this is what gets me. We are only talking 5 hours since he had some kind of a break. I imagine he ate lunch?? I can see grabbing a snack but yeah, I would think it was rude to eat a cheeseburger every single night on the way home from work.

 

Hey, if it works for your family, then I'm cool with it, but obviously that isn't the case.

 

Why not stop cooking dinner and tell him to bring home food every night? LOL. Maybe he'll get sick and tired of paying for it for everyone (before you all die of clogged arteries).

[Pretty in Pink]

If it were the exception rather than the rule then it would not bother me. It sounds like this happens frequently though. That is not fair. Maybe your dh doesn't realize the time and effort it takes for you to plan, shop for, prepare, and serve meals that he will enjoy. It is a lot of work! Have you tried explaining this to him?

 

I'm all for my man grabbing a cold one when he walks in the door or retreating to the master bedroom for some alone time, whatever, but not what the behavior described by the OP.

[Daisy]

Originally Posted by Laurie

And trust me on this...the LAST thing I want to hear after fixing a nice dinner for the family is that my dh ate a burger from Wendy's instead. And this happens every night??? Let's just say that *Frosty* could be added to the menu at home, too.

 

ROFLOL. Love it! :lol::lol:

[Wendi]

What does he say when you talk to him about it? Could you two not work out some kind of compromise, like he goes through the drive-thru two or three times a week, and the other nights are family dinner nights? Is there some reason he doesn't bring some kind of snack to tide him over, so he can eat dinner at home?

 

I guess I don't know what to say without knowing his side. Since you haven't mentioned what he says about it, I'm wondering if you've just been stewing about it, without letting him know that it bothers him, and trying to work out a compromise.

 

Wendi

[silliness7]

 

ETA: The working hard to feed the family thing doesn't cut it with me. As a homeschooling parent and homemaker (I'm making this assumption about the OP, forgive me if I am assuming incorrectly), I think it is extremely likely that the OP is working *just* as hard as the husband for the benefit of her family, and that work extends to making meals for the *entire* family to enjoy together. Why is it that people always assume that paid employment is somehow more exhausting and important than unpaid endeavors? As someone who has experienced both, I have found that the paid employment was a heck of a lot easier in many ways than this homeschooling/homemaking thing.

 

:iagree: Love to have an 8 to 5 homeschooling/homemaking job. Part of the stress is that it never ends and even when you're taking a "break" you're always on call. :D

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I would tell my own dh that he'd better ditch Wendy, "the other woman", and there would be trouble if I found any ketchup on his collar.

:grouphug:

 

 

:lol::D My dh even liked that one! I guess we are lucky, there are no Wendy's(the other woman), McDonalds, BK, nothing near us-- over an hours drive away

[Daisy]

BTW, I asked hubby about it. He thinks it is rude also.

[Lolly]

Would not bother me.

[2squared]

When I was working and dh was staying at home with the kids, I often stopped for a snack before I got home. Money wasn't an issue, so in that respect it was OK.

 

Why did I do it? I just didn't like his meals. They were usually unappetizing (sp?). They tasted fine and were things he liked, but they were not things I liked.

 

In retrospect, I wish we had talked about it, but I also know that he wasn't looking to expand his culinary abilities. I have worked so, so hard to become a good cook. I don't want him walking in the door to meals that he doesn't like. And, you know, we don't eat any of the things he used to make, AND he now loves my cooking (he has verified this for me). :lol:

[NanceXToo]

Yes, it would probably bug me. Not if it was a "now and then" kind of thing but if it happened on a frequent basis, I wouldn't like it. I'd want him to eat dinner with his family.

 

But I say "probably" because we hardly ever get to eat dinner with my husband anyway. He works from 1 PM til 8 or 9 PM or so, sometimes later, and is only home for dinner two nights a week most of the time anyway.

[RanchGirl]

It wouldn't bother me a bit. He's a grown up, he can make his food decisions for himself. I would just want to be warned that morning so I know if I should plan dinner for everyone or just myself and the kids.

 

Sometimes my dh works late, and sometimes he goes out to a business lunch and eats so much he won't be hungry for dinner. I just like to be notified. I might cook for the kids or take them out somewhere. Occasionally I will ask him to deal with dinner for the kids because I know I'm not going to be hungry or I am too busy to make dinner, again he doesn't mind.

 

I know family dinners are a big deal to some but we spend a whole lotta time together during the day, go on picnics sometimes for lunch with Dad, and eat together on the weekends, and dh usually has breakfast with the kids, so a few nights a week of doing something with just one parent isn't a problem IMO.

[Mom0012]

It would bother me for the following reasons:

1. His health

2. The cost

3. Why am I cooking?

 

When DH worked a night job along with his day job, he would eat what I cooked the night before at his first job, before he left the office. Maybe that's what you should do. Pack him a serving of whatever you made the night before, and he can eat it before he commutes home. OR he can eat it at lunch, and you can pack him a sandwich for his commute home (we've done that too).

 

HTH!

Dorinda

 

:iagree: It would bother me for all of the above reasons, but I think the idea of sending leftovers for lunch is a really good solution. My husband would love that.

 

I also think if you sent the Cliff bars, then maybe he'd eat one more around mid-afternoon and then still have an appetite for dinner. Who knows?

 

Lisa

[kalanamak]

 

I know he works without stopping from 1-6/6:30. He is pretty ravenous by the end of that time and is faced with a fairly hefty commute. I guess I'm sympathetic to that--Ive thought about stashing a box of cliff bars in his office, but then I wonder, why does a cheeseburger annoy me to pieces and a cliff bar doesn't?

 

 

I just shed a shorter commute, and what a stress out of my life. That is a nasty commute he makes. And cliff bars aren't warm. And given what he does, maybe a dinner with the kids is a little too much like work?? And, :lol:, better a cheeseburger from Wendy's rather than a cheeseburger NAMED Wendy.

[Peela]

Yes, it would irritate me. But then, we have had a lot of similar issues around food here over the years, and I have found various ways do deal with them.

 

First, I would try and talk to him about it and see if he can see your point of view and ask him whether he would like to change the habit. If not- if he feels its working for him, let go of your role as cook to him (as fulfilling as I know that can be) and focus on yourself and your children.

 

I would shift your main meal of the day to lunch (which is healthier anyway) and enjoy it with your children. That's what I do quite often when we want to eat meat, since dh is vegetarian. Then as part of your conversation let him know what you guys had for lunch and how much you enoyed it. (Ok, that part is manipulative, up to you :) )

 

Then dinner can be sandwiches - or anything else that is do it yourself.

 

I found when I let go of taking responsibility for feeding my husband, who was terribly critical and unappreciative of my cooking- when I really let go of that role- he came around and realised what an ass he had been and started appreciating ANYTHING I made, because he doesn't like to cook and he got very tired of cereal. He wasn't so fussy anymore (relatively- he is still fussy!).

 

You can't control other people. You can tell them how you feel though, and you can take care of yourself.

[Mom0012]

The one point I will cede is that it is appropriate to warn one's wife in advance.

 

-pqr

 

Yes, this would make all the difference with me because there are certain meals I make just to please him and I'd really be bummed if I spent a lot of time doing that and then he didn't want to eat.

 

Lisa

[Pippen]

I found when I let go of taking responsibility for feeding my husband, who was terribly critical and unappreciative of my cooking- when I really let go of that role- he came around and realised what an ass he had been and started appreciating ANYTHING I made, because he doesn't like to cook and he got very tired of cereal. He wasn't so fussy anymore (relatively- he is still fussy!). .

 

When I let go of taking responsibility for feeding my husband, absolutely nothing changed on his end. I feel a whole lot better though. :) I put good meals on the table for those who are at home and hungry, and no longer waste energy being frustrated over what I cannot change.

[OrganicAnn]

I would bother me for the following reasons:

 

First it is an every day thing. That's a lot of fat/salt.

Second it wreck the family dinner if Dads home but not eating.

Third he probably ready for dinner later, when it is time for baths and bedtime routines. So your attention might be split between getting kids to bed and helping him scrounge some leftovers.

Fourth, if he is eating dinner at 8 or 9 that is too close to bedtime to be very healthy.

Fifth, even if it is say $2.00 that equals about $500 per year.

Sixth, it would bother me that he had put off eating so long that he was so hungry. I'd want him to have a snack earlier.

Seventh, if I had any insecurities about my cooking. It would be like a slap in the face.

Eighth, maybe it is a bad habit and not real hunger.

 

I'd want to sit down with him (if he were my DH) and discuss if there were any other alternatives that you both could come up with.

[Mama Lynx]

This would bug me too.

 

ETA: The working hard to feed the family thing doesn't cut it with me. As a homeschooling parent and homemaker (I'm making this assumption about the OP, forgive me if I am assuming incorrectly), I think it is extremely likely that the OP is working *just* as hard as the husband for the benefit of her family, and that work extends to making meals for the *entire* family to enjoy together. Why is it that people always assume that paid employment is somehow more exhausting and important than unpaid endeavors? As someone who has experienced both, I have found that the paid employment was a heck of a lot easier in many ways than this homeschooling/homemaking thing.

 

I agree.

 

My husband has a 2-hour commute to get home. He takes snacks to work, so that he can have something in the afternoon. Getting a hamburger is one thing, but not sitting down to meals with the family is another. A regular occurrence of not sitting with the family and not eating what I put on the table would leave me pretty peeved. I would feel that it was disrespectful, and dismissive of my own efforts. Yes, he works hard and deserves a meal; I work hard, too, to feed the family, and I want that to be appreciated.

 

It's not that hard to grab a snack, and then sit down with the family.

[AHASRADA]

It would enfuriate (not upset) me for all of the reasons previously mentioned, but mostly because it would hit me as a selfish, inconsiderate, slap in the face.

 

No one has mentioned whether the kids are awake when he arrives home, and if they are aware that he is not eating. Do they know why? My kids would be pretty bummed that Dad is "so lucky" and "gets" to eat fast food every night, while they're stuck eating mom's "healthy" meal. "If fast food is bad for you and a waste of money, how come Dad gets to eat it everyday?"

 

In fairness to Mr. OP, and trying to see this from the "male" point of view, I'm sure he hasn't given it a second thought. He's starved, he enjoys a burger, so he has one. He arrives home, isn't hungry, doesn't eat. Period. We women tend to read an enormous amount into the actions of others, assuming what is "meant" by a certain behavior. We forget that men do not usually "give hints", "insinuate", or "demonstrate" what they want to say. They just say it. At the same time, once they are made aware of how their actions affect others, and how hurt you feel, he should be expected to reach a compromise that is acceptable to both of you.

 

I would say, let him bring a snack, if he is buying the cheeseburger only because he is starved. If he really enjoys the cheeseburger, and it is his little reward at the end of the day, I would not begrudge him that. He could certainly be doing much worse things, although you might be able to convince him to reduce it to 2-3x/wk for health reasons. If he really doesn't want to give up the cheeseburger, he should consider 3 options: Eating it earlier in the day so it doesn't interfere with dinner; eating at least a little dinner when he arrives home in order to sit with the family and show respect for your effort in preparing it; or bring the dinner he didn't eat the night before for lunch the next day, so at least he is still eating what you prepared.

 

The OP obviously needs to discuss this with her dh, when he is relaxed and she is calm and able to discuss it in a non-confrontational manner.

[kalanamak]

This would bug me too.

 

ETA: The working hard to feed the family thing doesn't cut it with me. As a homeschooling parent and homemaker (I'm making this assumption about the OP, forgive me if I am assuming incorrectly), I think it is extremely likely that the OP is working *just* as hard as the husband for the benefit of her family, and that work extends to making meals for the *entire* family to enjoy together.

 

 

What if they lunch together prior? If this commute is as long as I think it is, it would be past my son's dinner by quite some time!

 

But, I'm biased. I've met the man, and a more family guy you couldn't hope to meet. Plus we do similar work... I know about "cues" that mean "unwind". Plus I've driven down the same darn road year after year....so, I'm biased. (That said, I was also once the unloved wife who cooked dinner for a once-loving husband, and continued to cook them for 3 years after he quit coming home before bedtime.)

[Corraleno]

Every night on his way home from work, my dh stops by Wendy's and grabs a junior cheeseburger. For some reason, this just annoys me to no end.

 

When he comes home, he doesn't usually want dinner, which takes a lot of the fun out of cooking for me.

Does he not eat dinner at all, or does he make himself something later? If he's starving at 6:30, I don't see how a little junior cheeseburger (270 calories) can possibly fill him up for the whole night! If he's not eating at all when he gets home, I'd suspect he's actually getting a lot more food from Wendy's than just the "jr cheeseburger" he's telling you about. Maybe you should have him watch the movie Supersize Me. :D

 

If he's skipping the dinner you cooked, but fixing himself something later, I would have a heart-to-heart talk with him about your cooking, and whether there's anything special he'd like you to make, or dishes he'd rather you didn't make, or whatever. Maybe you could agree to a compromise, like you'll only make the dinners he doesn't like on Wednesday nights, so he can have "Wendy's Wednesdays" and get himself a full meal from there, but the other nights he takes a snack to work and eats with the family.

 

Jackie

[Natalieclare]

What if they lunch together prior? If this commute is as long as I think it is, it would be past my son's dinner by quite some time!

 

But, I'm biased. I've met the man, and a more family guy you couldn't hope to meet. Plus we do similar work... I know about "cues" that mean "unwind". Plus I've driven down the same darn road year after year....so, I'm biased. (That said, I was also once the unloved wife who cooked dinner for a once-loving husband, and continued to cook them for 3 years after he quit coming home before bedtime.)

 

Thanks for your perspective, K. Your input is definitely weighted more heavily in my mind because you have met, you do similar work, and you know the commute.

 

And I'm sorry your cooking ever went unappreciated, but you know it will never be unappreciated by me!!!!! I love your cooking!

[Chris in VA]

It would bother me.

So go talk with him and find a solution you both can live with.:D

He probably has no idea how deeply it offends/hurts/bothers/ticks you off.

IDK why some men are so surprised at women's feelings about these things.

 

But that's marriage--you disagree, but love each other enough to work it out. Let go of feeling "right" and just talk it out.

[Corraleno]

It should not annoy you.

 

Male perspective here.....he has just finished a day at work, if he wants a burger (or a beer) he has earned that.

And his wife, who has spent the day teaching school (full time job right there), plus cleaning house, running errands, and taking care of SIX CHILDREN, with probably fewer breaks than Dad has had, and who, after what I'm sure is typically a very long day, has invested time and energy in preparing a healthy meal for a family of eight, has not "earned" enough respect from her DH to actually eat what she prepared instead of grabbing junkfood on the way home every single night?

 

:blink:

 

Jackie

[cyndyinohio]

I used to get annoyed when my husband would eat out for lunch instead of taking leftovers. Part of it was taking it personally...that he would eat out instead of eating what I made. Part of it was that we don't have a lot of discretionary income, and I felt that was an unwise use of our money. I tried, however, to put myself in his shoes and thought how it would be nice to eat out once in awhile...so what we did was to put a certain amount in our budget for his eat out money. It was not anything personal against me, and it didn't help for me to get upset about it. I would just ask your husband if he is going to continue to do that if he minds if you don't make a big dinner. Talk to him about it and ask if you prepared some other snack for him, would he eat it?

[Caraway]

I would tell him that I think his little ritual is great - so great that you would like to implement it for yourself too. So M, W, F, he can continue to stop for food. T, Th, and S he will cook a healthy dinner for your kids while you go out to the restaurant of your choice. Sunday everyone eats cereal.

 

Then again, I am kind of snarky. :glare:

 

Besides the money, health, respect thing, I would be annoyed that he was delaying his return home. Even going through the drive through adds time. Does he not think that YOU are ready for a break???

[Natalieclare]

Too many replies for me to multi-quote, but I want to thank everyone for your input. I'd like to say that I really don't think my dh's actions have any rude intentions whatsoever. I think this falls into the Inconsiderate category, as opposed to Rude. He can be oblivious at times. :glare::001_smile:

 

I'll try to address the most recurring points brought up:

 

*Money: not part of this particular equation

 

*He works hard/Yeah, well, so does she: not pertinent, imo. Besides, I know how good I've got it. :D

 

*Food prep/planning: I almost always cook large quantities, so we have extras for lunch. I don't change anything whether he's there or not. Not an issue.

 

 

*Family dinner time: This is a source of stress to me, which I've recently improved a bit. We used to wait almost until dh came home from work, making for a very late dinner time for my 6 and 3 yo. Since my 15 yo is in driver's ed and leaving by 5:30, I've been putting dinner on the table at 5. I LOVE THIS. It has made our evening as a family soooo much smoother than eating dinner altogether at 7:30 (with dad trailing in) or 8. My dh can grab a plate [or not (!)]. But then, the kitchen is clean, the littles have had a bath, and we are ready to read together or hang out or water the garden with dad or whatever. So, for 4 days a week, we will have family dinner time without Dad.That's already the norm. It still bugs me when he eats at W's. :D

 

*Packing him food: I'm not sure why he is so uninterested in doing so--I think it has something to do with not wanting to keep track of more stuff. We are the types (all of us) who leave a trail behind us whereever we go: coats, mugs, shoes, etc. Sigh. He gets into the work zone like a runner: elbows in, head down, eyes on the finish line, don't anybody get in my way. I think he sees carrying extra stuff as an encumbrance.

 

*Talking to him: I am soooo not the type to neglect discussing my feelings about this with my husband. ;) We both have areas we would like to change and have huge difficulties committing ourselves to finding our way out of ruts. I'm just thinking this isn't even one of those areas yet (for him!).

 

To the poster who said,

 

In fairness to Mr. OP, and trying to see this from the "male" point of view, I'm sure he hasn't given it a second thought. He's starved, he enjoys a burger, so he has one. He arrives home, isn't hungry, doesn't eat. Period

 

Yeah, this. This is my dh, bless his burger-beatin' heart!

 

But my charming dd just stated things nicely when she said," if eating at Wendy's every night is the worst we have to complain about...then we got it pretty good!"

 

And I know all that, but I'm still annoyed! That's why I think I might be irrational!

[Natalieclare]

When I was working and dh was staying at home with the kids, I often stopped for a snack before I got home. Money wasn't an issue, so in that respect it was OK.

 

Why did I do it? I just didn't like his meals. They were usually unappetizing (sp?). They tasted fine and were things he liked, but they were not things I liked.

 

In retrospect, I wish we had talked about it, but I also know that he wasn't looking to expand his culinary abilities. I have worked so, so hard to become a good cook. I don't want him walking in the door to meals that he doesn't like. And, you know, we don't eat any of the things he used to make, AND he now loves my cooking (he has verified this for me). :lol:

 

Now this I need to look at long and hard. He grew up with a dad who liked very little variation in his diet. I'm talking seriously little variation. And it was bland (but nicely prepared.) I never cook the same food twice in the same month. And it's usually on the zesty side. My preparation can be spotty--I'm easily distracted, what can I say? Hmmmmm, the more I think about this, the more I can't wait to talk to dh about it. As soon as he's done putting Milo to bed, I'm gonna pick his brain.