Can we talk about the spacing of babies?

[PeterPan]

What is your ideal spacing? How close have yours been, and how did it work out? How do they play together? Have you ever WAITED a little bit when you could have had more right away, and did you REGRET it? Did you wait in order to lose more weight or wish you had?

 

Any tips on recovering stomach muscles? I'm just now starting to do sit-ups (or rather lie-downs, as I can't get up from a reclined position, haha), and they're pathetic.

 

My little one is 10 1/2 months btw. We're still nursing happily, but things are starting to percolate. He eats small amounts of food and is growing nicely. I'd like to lose the 10 pregnancy pounds, and in my dream world I'd lose another 10. But maybe neither are really that important in the long-run, just vanity, lol. I think the sit-ups are a functional issue and probably pretty important. I know I want them to play well together. Dd (10) has been so alone, I don't want my ds to be alone. So does under 2 years apart play together better than 2 1/2? Does it not matter? Did anyone wait and then hit the end of their childbearing years and wish they could have those months added up to have just one more?

[clementine]

Ours are 20 months apart & I'd do it over again in a heartbeat. They are the best of friends at 10 & 12 yrs. old.

[kmacnchs]

mine are 16 mo and 18 mo apart. They are young and play *pretty* well together. I am hoping more so when they get older. I have a friend who had hers from 11 mo to 15 mo apart and they play really well together (they are school-aged now) but I would not want mine that close...I like nursing for 1 year and I like losing that weight...

 

about that weight...I noticed I came to a weight show down with my 2nd around 4 mo (?) and I realized something...you know how you are supposed to eat after you nurse to keep up your milk (or something to that effect)? Well, I was still eating 7x a day even though I was only nursing 5x a day :D So, I had to just use a little self control and ONLY eat after I nursed and that weight came off really well!

 

As far as muscles go, everyone is different. My muscles RIPPED so my tummy will NEVER look like it did. My hubby and I are the only ones who see it so it's okay...not that I wouldn't like to see a smooth stomach, but alas, *not* gonna happen:glare:

[melissel]

I bet most people will say that their spacing turned out well. I was so anxious to have kids two years apart, but when the time came for getting PG to keep that time frame, none of us was ready, LOL! We ended up with two almost exactly three years apart (9/7 and 9/11, if you can believe it). For us, it was perfect. My oldest was old enough to be less needy and more helpful, more ready to spend time with her dad, but they're still close enough together to play together at similar things (to the chagrin of my oldest, occasionally!).

 

Then again, if you have them four years apart, you won't have to worry about how to work them into the history cycle :lol:

[4kiddies]

My four are all roughly 18-20 months apart and while it can be hard at times it's exactly what I wanted. They all play together, entertain each other and are best friends.

[eight_gregorys]

I don't think it matters what age difference there is between kiddos. I think their relationship will be great, but it will be different depending on how far they are apart. My boys are 7, 6, 6, and 5 and although sometimes they fight like the dickens, they play well and love each other very much. Even though they fuss with each other, they always stick up for each other if other kids are being mean to one of their brothers. (I've heard, "Hey, you don't say/do that to MY brother.") I find it very sweet. My oldest DD is 11 and she has a very sweet relationship with our youngest DD that is 2. My oldest DD likes to show her off and show all the cool stuff she can do (like sing the Itsy, Bitsy Spider w/ hand motions included). It's very sweet. My boys do drive my oldest DD crazy though. They like to give her a hard time sometimes. I remember getting the same thing from my sisters when I was little (I was the oldest as well.).

 

My health will not allow me to have more children, but I'm really glad we had our children when we did. If we had waited, I wouldn't have been able to have them at all.

 

HTH,

Edited August 21, 2009 by eight_gregorys

[Desert Rat]

I liked having mine 3 years apart. I felt I got enough time with my older son when he was little and very needy. By 3 he was getting more independent and I enjoyed having time with a baby again.

[eight_gregorys]

My four are all roughly 18-20 months apart and while it can be hard at times it's exactly what I wanted. They all play together, entertain each other and are best friends.

 

This is the short version of what I was trying to say. I ramble a lot. Sorry.

[FourOaks]

Yes to just about everything you asked.

 

I had one, then 3 days after she turned 2 years, I had twins -- all girls. It was hard, but absolutely wonderful spacing in my opinion. They are all so close and always have been. For me personally, the 2 year space is the best.

 

Since we had twins and were pretty certain we wanted more, I definitely wanted to wait. I wanted a 3 year gap between the twins and the next baby because there was a possibility of twins again, so I wanted to make sure I had walking kids before any more came long. Well, long story shorter -- we got busy with life and ended up not having one for another 5 years. Another girl.

 

It's wonderful, but the age gap is much more difficult. She doesn't really have playmates -- although her sisters play with her. She is dragged around to all their activities and has to do a lot of waiting on them. She doesn't get the kind of time snuggling, cuddling, etc that the others got because I am busy with school. (School was VERY, VERY difficult for us for about a year and a half with that age gap also). I would have turned around and had another one 2 years after her, but because I would have been 40, had already had multiples, had 3 C-sections and don't do great while pregnant, we decided it really probably wasn't best. (Yes, I wish I could go back and start over and do the "quiverfull thing", but unfortunately I can't).

 

I really like the closer ages if possible -- but God's timing is ultimately the BEST!!! I cannot imagine life without my youngest even with the 5 year age gap.

[ma23peas]

In my younger days, spacing would have been on the list of responsible parenting...now that I'm older and had my own set of Irish twins (13 months apart) and never planned any of our three...I can honestly say that I would not have wasted one minute thinking of planning...each child, no matter when they come have an amazing gift for all of us...a house full of children by parents who genuinely are in this together to share the wonders of our world...is a blessing, no matter when they're spaced.

[Mommy22alyns]

My girls are 2 years and 3 days apart and I love it. They love each other to pieces. Sometimes literally, but they really would rather be together than apart. :001_smile:

[Sarah CB]

I really dislike the two year gap.

 

If I were having more kids (or starting all over again) I'd aim for a 3 to 4 year gap between kids. It's close enough that they still play together really well, but it's far enough apart so that you only have *one* baby at a time. I can barely remember my third ds' first year. I felt so torn and overwhelmed - I had a young ds (he turned 2 two weeks after his brother was born) who still very much needed my attention. He needed to be held more than I was able to hold him, he needed more of my attention than I was able to give.

 

Then there was the baby. I felt like my goal in life was to do whatever needed doing to the baby so that I could lay him down and spend a few minutes with my two year old. We partially co-slept, I nursed on demand, I used a sling (my two year old sat in the stroller) so it's not like I didn't hold the guy, but I didn't have the time to really *enjoy* him.

 

Now there are the two of them together. They're 9 and 7 now and they play together nicely most of the time. However, they are also my biggest parenting challenge. They're like magnets - constantly drawn to each other and then they end up hurting each other. In violin class they have been known to stand in such a way that, while playing, one's bow will poke the other brother while playing. They're constantly *on* each other. Most of the time it's good natured, but it doesn't take much for it to turn into an argument. Each of the boys is fabulous when on his own - really well behaved - in fact, I'd take either of them anywhere and would know behaviour wouldn't be an issue. Until they are together...and then behavior is an issue.

 

My daughter was 4.5 when ds (9) was born. They played nicely together for years and still will do things together (more project based or board games now). Ds (7) was 3.5 when our last child was born. They're *great* friends. There's enough of a gap that ds (7) feels the responsibility of being an older brother so he's very willing to share and do things for our little guy. These two share a room and play together - peacefully - a lot.

 

The best part about our last baby was that I actually had the time and space to enjoy his babyhood. I held him and gazed into his eyes and had tons of time to play with him and talk with him. Even though I had three other ones they were all old enough to put on their own clothes, use the washroom by themselves, and get their own shoes and coats. Just that makes a *huge* difference. They were also old enough to help with breakfast and lunch. And they were old enough to be enthralled with the baby as well. We all enjoyed him :) And I remember his babyhood as a peaceful and joyful time. Busy, yes, in the way a household with a newborn and three others will always be busy, but not overwhelming like when I had my third child and just coming up for air was a challenge.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

I have 7 kids ages 19(next week)dd, 17dd,15ds,11.5ds,10ds,8dd,5.5dd. One huge blessing is that everyone is next to a child of their own sex. No girl is surrounded by two brothers and no boy is surrounded by two sisters.

 

My closest spacing was 18months. That was hard on my body, but once they hit 18mos and 3, it made life easier. These little ones had built in playmates while I did school with the older sibs. (Of course they did paint my basement when they were 3&4, but we can laugh about it now.;))

 

My biggest space is 3yrs and 3mos between my first two sons. This is the most difficult relationship in the house. These boys are never on the same page at the same time. I know a lot of people try to space their dc three years apart, but I think it's difficult. Three years is far enough apart to be doing different things, but close enough that the older has no authority over the younger and usually can't see how vulnerable and/or cute the younger one is. My boys don't fight all the time, but it is not an easy relationship.

 

My two sets of dd's are 21months apart and 29months apart. The 21month relationship has been a bit easier for me. It did not take as long for these two to bond and they related on an equal level at a fairyl early age. My 8yo and 5.5yo do play well together, but my 8yo can sometimes get frustrated with her sister's immaturity.

 

I think the relationships are determined greatly by the personality and gender of the dc...and that's something you can't control. But overall, I would say that my closer children have easier relationships than the ones who are further apart in age.

 

As far a losing weight goes...I always lose so much with morning sickness, that an extra 10lbs never bothered me. I think the most discouraged I was about weight was when I just got to my ideal size and was pregnant two weeks later. Now that was annoying.:tongue_smilie:

 

I have a book rec. that may help pertaining to the sit-ups. I couldn't do them at all when baby #7 was 1 yr old. Someone recommended the book Pain Free. The exercises in that book helped me realign my body and get my strength back. There is a Pain Free for Women which addresses the issue of pregnancy and post-partum recovery. The exercises literally helped me the very first time I did them.

 

Ultimately we are not completely in control of child spacing, and the needs of each family are different.

 

HTH,

Leanna

[ChristusG]

Mine are 3 years apart, which is what we planned. We LOVE that spacing. DD #1 still got to nurse past two years old, got solo attention as a baby, etc. And when DD #2 came along, our first DD was turning three a month later. She wasnt as needy as a smaller child. And now they are 2 and 5 and they are truly each other's best friends. They play together all the time.

 

I wanted another child about three years after we had DD#2. But I'm just not ready to be pregnant again. I have really bad allergies that make me feel absolutely horrible at times. And I would really love to lose about 25 pounds as well. I'm thinking we may wait another year or two, then have two more kids, with them being about three years apart.

[joannqn]

My first two are two weeks shy of two years apart. They are the best of friends. My third child came five years and two months after my second. He has no one to play with. He is often lonely, bored, gets into things, gets into trouble, and has behavior issues we didn't have with the other two. I think a lot of it comes from having no siblings close in age to play with. The older two DO play with him but they want to play big kid things too.

 

If I could do it over again, I'd have all of my children two years apart. I certainly would NOT choose a large age gap.

[MomLovesClassics]

I had absolutely no control over the spacing, mine are far apart. Pilates is best for tummy strength and toning. The six year old girl and ten year old boy play nicely together. However there are those times that they bug each other etc. The oldest who is grown, does his own thing. He will take them to chuckie cheese on occasion, or do other fun stuff like that.

[kidsnbooks8]

We have a variety of spacings! But the ones that are 2 to 2 1/2 years apart are definately closer than the others . Dd 19 and Ds 17( they are 2 yrs and 4 months apart) are close and DS 17 and DS 15( they are 2 yrs and 3 months apart) also close. Dd 9 and Dd 7 are best of friends!(they are 2 yrs and 10 days apart) And Ds 4 and Ds 2 are wrestling buddies(they are 22 months apart), I don't think they could live without each other though because they are the best of buddies.

The 2 younger sets do seem to be closer than all the others though. So maybe the few months do make a difference, I had never really thought about it.

Only 2 of our children were really planned and tried(?) for number 2 and number 5, the rest were just how things worked out. For #2 we tried and had many miscarriages and then finally .... Then we had a tubal pregnancy that ruptured and they removed the tube and said that we would probably not be able to have more with all the miscarriages, difficult pregnancy, and now down 1 tube. So we did not worry about it, we figured whatever happened, happened. Well you can see it did not take long before we had 2 beautiful healthy baby boys!! so then we thought we were done 4 children 2 girls and 2 boys Perfect! Well after a few years we decided we would like another so we tried for #5(she is 4 years younger than her brother) and then we just let things happen as they did.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

Ours are 18 months, 22.5 months, and will be about 23.5 months apart. Each time I got pregnant my first cycle after the previous dc was born. Though the first year is very busy I love this spacing. After my milk supply went down so early during my second pregnancy I said that I would try to wait until the youngest was at least one year so that they would for sure get one year of plenty of milk. As it turned out I didn't have the option to get pregnant before then anyway. Both dd's and ds love playing together and want to be together all of the time. I'll be attempting to teach them all together this fall since they will all want to be included anyway. We are very happy with this spacing and the kids are too. :)

[Student Mommie]

I wonder if women with many closely spaced kids (4+) tend to not have morning sickness. I had such terrible morning sickness for so long that the thought of another pregnancy was terrifying. At this point I've actually forgotten how terrible it was (thank goodness for short memories), so I am ready for more. I really wish I could have multiples, though... one morning sickness session for two kids-- what a great deal!!

[Marie in Oh]

14 months, 18 months, 24 months. I don't see a huge difference between any of them, really. They are all close friends. Each relationship is different and serves a different purpose in each others' lives. There will always be some friction in familial realtionships whether children are 1, 2, 3, 5, or 10 years apart- so closer doesn't necessarily equate to friction. There is plenty of friction between my 5 yo and 10 yo. It is just the nature of families.

 

I would say, just do what you think you are ready for. I also bounced back from different pregnancies differently. I ran a 5K when I was pregnant with number 5 (#4 and 5 are 14 months apart), but I couldn't run a mile after number 6 because of pelvic displasia (which was cured by a chiropractor when I was pregnant with #7).

[patchfire]

There's 4.5 years between dd1 and ds, and then 3.5 years between ds and dd2. I liked the 3.5 year spacing much better in terms of not feeling like there was such a HUGE space between the kids, but I think dd1 adjusted MUCH better to a sibling than ds did. Of course, it could just be that ds is a different child, different life, etc.

 

If we have another one, we'll likely go for another 4.5 year gap, mainly because I can't envision getting pregnant again two years from now, which is more or less where I'd be for a 3.5 year gap.

[Elohcin]

I had three that were all 21 mos apart, then nearly 4 years, then 2 years and now nearly three. Honestly, I like the longer spaces better. The nearly 4 years between my boys was great. They love each other and play together fabulously. This last gap of three years is great too (kinda wish I'd had another year, but it was a surprise). I like a breath in between-the first three kinda took my breath away.

 

For tummies, try T-Tapp. It is amazing.

[joannqn]

I wonder if women with many closely spaced kids (4+) tend to not have morning sickness. I had such terrible morning sickness for so long that the thought of another pregnancy was terrifying. At this point I've actually forgotten how terrible it was (thank goodness for short memories), so I am ready for more. I really wish I could have multiples, though... one morning sickness session for two kids-- what a great deal!!

 

I felt the same way after my first. I was never going to have another baby. Then my midwife convinced me that morning sickness that bad is usually seen in first time moms and not as bad in later pregnancies. Boy was she wrong! I had horrible morning sickness with all of them. Fortunately, B6 and Unisom takes care of almost all of it for me. With my third, though, I had really bad vertigo that made me really sick. The medicine didn't help that. I was really worried the vertigo would return with my 4th, and I'm am so grateful it didn't.

[jujsky]

Mine are 13 1/2 months apart (didn't plan it that way -- adopted our 6 month old son and then had very surprise pregnancy!). Everyone with close babies told me that it would be really hard at first, but easy once the kids got older. It is so true! I think when my youngest was about 2 1/2, it started to get easier. Now the kids are 6 and almost 5, and they play together all the time, have many of the same friends, and school-wise I'm able to do almost everything with them at the same time. It wasn't in my plans to have 2 back-to-back, but I'm not sorry it worked out that way. One of my friends has kids who are 16 months apart and her boys are best friends. It worked out well for her too.

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

I wonder if women with many closely spaced kids (4+) tend to not have morning sickness. I had such terrible morning sickness for so long that the thought of another pregnancy was terrifying. At this point I've actually forgotten how terrible it was (thank goodness for short memories), so I am ready for more. I really wish I could have multiples, though... one morning sickness session for two kids-- what a great deal!!

 

I've had morning sickness every time but not really bad. I felt the best this time around, even though my youngest is still nursing a lot. That's because I've learned during the past 5.5 years that if I eat enough good food often (every 2 hours) that I feel fine. And if I start to feel yucky I eat ASAP or I will feel horrible. This has made a HUGE difference! Plus I started taking an awesome pre-natal vitamin in December.

[kmacnchs]

I wonder if women with many closely spaced kids (4+) tend to not have morning sickness. I had such terrible morning sickness for so long that the thought of another pregnancy was terrifying. At this point I've actually forgotten how terrible it was (thank goodness for short memories), so I am ready for more. I really wish I could have multiples, though... one morning sickness session for two kids-- what a great deal!!

 

No kidding! Everyone says you have to forget the pain of labor first before you want to get pg again...whatever! I have to forget (or try with all my might) the 2nd-5th months of pregnancy! :tongue_smilie: If I could just go through labor and not have to deal with pregnancy, I would have a zillion kids!!!

[ncmomo3]

My 3 are 16 and 14 months apart. It was very difficult the first couple of years at that spacing, but since then and particularly at the ages they are now, it is WONDERFUL! I would do it again, with the same spacing.

[Cera]

Mine are exactly two years apart (born the same week) and it is perfect for us. I was back to my prepregnancy weight/shape before getting pregnant and our oldest was down to nursing 3 times a day so I could hand over a lot of the evening parenting to my husband during the morning sickness phase. The first year was hard because a 2 year old is still very needy but I found it easy to keep the baby in a sling and be on the go/playing with the older child. We also didn't have any real jealousy issues because our oldest hadn't yet hit that difficult 2 1/2 to 3 year old stage (and once she did we had a good routine down with the new babe).

 

Now that they are almost 3 and 5 it is great. They are close enough to do many of the same things and really have fun playing with each other but far enough apart that they have some individual interests.

 

I will be honest though, I think a lot of it has to do with your kids personalities. I think sometimes siblings can be hard regardless of spacing because of one child's temperment, the dynamic between the kids and gender differences.

[Student Mommie]

Would you mind sharing the name of the prenatal vitamin that worked for you to minimize morning sickness?

 

I've had morning sickness every time but not really bad. I felt the best this time around, even though my youngest is still nursing a lot. That's because I've learned during the past 5.5 years that if I eat enough good food often (every 2 hours) that I feel fine. And if I start to feel yucky I eat ASAP or I will feel horrible. This has made a HUGE difference! Plus I started taking an awesome pre-natal vitamin in December.

[6packofun]

My oldest two are 11 months apart. Yeah, it was hard, but my teenagers are totaly buddies (boy and girl, too!). They like to hang out together and I'm glad that they're so close. Now, that son is 7 years older than our next boy and they are NOT close. :( I think that having children closer together has, at least in our family, head off most of the older-younger sibling resentments that pop up.

 

My only wish is that we could have had all of our boys one after the other together like our 3 girls are. (Our kids go: boy, girl, girl, girl, boy, boy) THAT would be ideal to me. :) I would have had some of our kids even closer if I could see the fruit of the future...hindsight, etc.

[Jami]

Let's see...

 

My first two are 14 months apart. That was doable and probably would have been fine, if we'd stopped there. But adding in the third 23 months after the 2nd changed the dynamics quite a lot. I had two preschoolers with the baby and that first year is pretty much a blur for me. Now that they're 8, 7, and 5, I would say that the 8 and 5 year old get along best, though are less buddy/playmates than either the 8 and 7 year old or 7 and 5 year old. The first two are so close and #2 and #3 enjoy girl play together. But there are more squabbles and competition between those pairings that I don't have with my 8 year old son and 5 year old daughter.

 

We then have a 4.5 year gap between #3 and #4. And I'm LOVING that. The big kids help, entertain, and are generally enamored of the baby. And I'm just soaking up her babyhood in a way I didn't (couldn't) with the first 3. *If* I were to contemplate a 5th (and dh were to go for that!), I think I'd aim for 2.5-3 years.

[EKS]

The ideal spacing is four years apart so that it will work out with the four year history cycle. Unfortunately I didn't know about WTM when I was spacing my children, so they are six years apart and my history cycle is all mucked up.

 

And I'm not kidding about this. There are other reasons for the four year spacing. You won't have two kids in college at the same time (in theory). The sibling rivalry shouldn't be as pronounced.

 

But really--it's the history cycle thing that does it for me.

[J'etudie]

.

[BakersDozen]

What is your ideal spacing? How close have yours been, and how did it work out? How do they play together? I'm somewhat of an oddball in that my ideal spacing would be 13-16mo apart. My first 2 were 13mo apart and I loved it! After that babies came 18-19mo apart which was fine, but the worst was 2y4mo and 2y8mo. I was out of the baby stage and when the new baby arrived it was almost as tiring/overwhelming as when I had #1. Having babies closer together just works for me although I have absolutely no control of when I get pg or if I stay pg (I also have only one tube thanks to an idiot OB who wouldn't listen to me...should have sued his butt!!). I don't notice anything good or bad in the spacing as all my dc get along well, however it is harder I think for the ones who are spaced farther apart because of the age gap and them wanting to be included with the next one up. Right now we are ttc and I long to be pg, to have babies less than 18mo apart. Realistically I know it probably won't happen but I can always hope...and dream. :)

 

I do get sick 24/7 for about 2mo but we have a plan for when that happens and it actually serves to bring our family even closer together as we work together to fill in the gap left by my "absence".

[Catherine]

My first two are 3.5 years apart and second two are 4.5 years apart, and the best of friends. I think closer spacing for friendship is over rated. I relaly liked having three separate baby periods and would definitely choose this again.

[Laura Corin]

My two have played really well together for the last five years. We have a 3 1/2 year gap.

 

Laura

[musicmommy]

The difference between the first two is 27 months and it has been great! There are 21 months between the middle and the youngest and it was just a little too close together for me. Mine are still close enough to enjoy playing together though and I like that.

 

We're adopting and hoping for a 3-4 year old boy so that age difference will be 2-3 years.

[PeterPan]

This has been so interesting to read! You've brought up some issues I hadn't considered (how it would be with a 2 yo and a newborn, etc.). I'm checking out the book Luann recommended and the T-Tapp, which I had heard of but never pursued. Thanks for all the info and sharing! :)

[Jumping In Puddles]

Mine are 14 months apart and it has worked so amazingly well for us. The kids are best friends and it is pretty easy on me too.

 

If I have another one, I would like to add a 4th soon after because I love the close spacing!

[Ottakee]

We have 7 1/2 years between the first 2 and then 14 months between the 2nd and 3rd. Then again oldest ds came at 7 1/2 years old, got 13dd 9 months later (at 7 1/2 months) and then youngest 6 months after that at 2 days old (youngest 2 are full bio sibs).

 

I LOVE the 14 months spacing. They really get along great. Yes, it was tough when they were little but got easier.

 

Since we were also foster parents for a while I had my youngest dd, 10 months old, a foster boy who was 15 months old, and then my older dd 24 months old. THAT was busy as I also had a 5 year old foster girl and my 9 year old son.

 

We have also had a foster boy that was 3 weeks older than my older dd. That also was great as it was almost like triplets. We have also done it where we had one that was 9 months older than my older dd and one 10 months younger than my younger dd so my spacing then was 9 months, 14 months and 10 months. Again, busy but doable--and all of these kids were special needs.

 

My sister and I are 2 years, 2 months apart and were never close at all. I think it was just enough space for us to be more rivals than friends.

[WiseOwlKnits]

Mine are 2 years, 6 months, and 2 weeks apart. I couldn't have asked for better spacing. They are 5 and 2.5 now and they are the best of friends and play awesome together. DD still has some interest in Little People, DS has some interest in the play kitchen/Barbie Dolls/etc.

[DarlaS]

Mine are all 3 yrs 3 mos apart. They were not planned that way. I didn't want closer than two years, but no planning beyond that.

 

We have a birthday here in every season: January, April (Earth Day!), July, and October.

 

They do all get along. Even the oldest & youngest (It helps that the youngest is sort of oldest one's mini-me :D)

[katilac]

Exactly two years apart, yes they play together all the time, great age difference imo. I'd prefer a bit closer together rather than a bit farther apart.

[coralloyd]

Mine are 2 & not quite 3 years apart. I think it is the perfect spread. They are far enough apart that they were potty trained before the next one came along, and I wasn't run ragged. Yet they are close enough to be best friends, and are :)! I would not wait longer than 3 years. Longer is just too long, for them to be good playmates IMHO.

Edited August 22, 2009 by coralloyd

[Veritaserum]

Mine are 21 - 30 months and 30 months was so much easier. :) We are preventing for the first time in nearly a decade because we're thinking we might be done (5 kids). If we do have one more, it will be when our current baby is 3 years old or older.

[Amber in AUS]

My kiddos are 18m then 20m apart and we have been trying without any success for a 4th for almost a year. Ideally we would have liked to have another close and now that the little DD is almost 2 we are considering that our family might be done. Having them really close has been VERY hard work, but also VERY rewarding. They are close and play well together because they are only a few steps behind one another.

 

It is a very hard decision to make. I also know people who have had 3 kids each 5 years apart so they could spend that special time with each of their new babies and they have been perfectly happy with that too.

[Sasharowan]

There is roughly 5 years between my boys with my dd stuck in the middle, 3yrs younger than oldest and 30 mos. older then boy2. Dd and ds8 get along fairly well, they are either best friends or trying to kill each other. All 3 youngers look upon ds13 as much older than he is because he is almost twice their size and doesn't play the same sort of games they do. Ds3 gets along with everyone as long as they are willing to listen to him, LOL.

[1GirlTwinBoys]

My daughter is only 13 months older than my twin boy's. They are the best of friends and ALWAYS together. We did not plan for THAT close together but it's wonderful now. The hard part was 3 in diapers! :tongue_smilie:

[OnTheBrink]

They should be kept a few feet apart, especially if they're a bit mobile, or they'll poke each other in the eyes. :lol::lol:

[swellmomma]

I have a 4 year gap between #2 and #3 and again between #3 and #4. I thought that was perfect until it came to homeschooling. It works out well if you are following the history cycle BUT the age gap is too big to really combine anything else. The first 2 are less than 11 months apart. I would not recommend that spacing to anyone. If I had been palnning another I think it would be to have it 2.5 years after the youngest. That is not going to happen, so who knows maybe I will meet someone and still end up with that 4 year gap yet again.

 

 

The age gaps I have found have less to do with how good of friend's they become than their personalities do. The middle 2 can not stand each other, I would say they out right dislike each other, however the same son that can not stand the sister that is 4 yrs older than him is best buds with the sister that is 4 yrs younger. He dotes on the little one and she worships him. When he goes to sleep over at grandma's she cries for him, when he is not feeling well she lays by his side and sings. When she needs help he is right their faster than me, he invites her into all of his games, teaches her everything he can, gives her half his snacks freely etc. The age gap is the same, the personalities are different.

Edited August 22, 2009 by swellmomma