Teacher gifts

[DawnM]

Ok, I found this to be odd, but maybe I am just old and cranky.

A's teacher sent out a class email and in it she said:

"I don't want to presume gifts, however, if you are considering a teacher gift, I do not like candy, cannot handle scented candles or lotion, and I don't use gift cards.   Monetary gifts are best."

So, she is basically asking for cash.

Is this odd to you?

[Katy]

It’s a bit rude, but I’m sure more than one parent has emailed to ask over the last week. I know several people who were determined to finish gift shopping by the end of yesterday. 

[ScoutTN]

Very rude, imo.

Our PTO surveys the faculty and staff at the beginning of the year and publishes the results so parents have that info. Very helpful! 
 

In general, we go with a handwritten note and a small food item.

Edited November 28, 2023 by ScoutTN

[pinball]

24 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Ok, I found this to be odd, but maybe I am just old and cranky.

A's teacher sent out a class email and in it she said:

"I don't want to presume gifts, however, if you are considering a teacher gift, I do not like candy, cannot handle scented candles or lotion, and I don't use gift cards.   Monetary gifts are best."

So, she is basically asking for cash.

Is this odd to you?

I love it. 
 

Teachers are under paid. The economy is garbage. Inflation is sucking up everyone’s reserves and margin.

Make it rain. Give her cash

[Junie]

I think it's a little bit on the rude side, but I'm sure that she is probably sick of getting gifts that she can't use and she wants to avoid waste.  The note could have been better with a little humor. 

[SKL]

Yes, it's odd.

I don't blame her for hating scented candles though.  😛

[TechWife]

It’s rude, no question.

[QueenCat]

Very odd. Probably came from a very stressed-out teacher with a muddled brain from the insane expectations put on her. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I don’t know. I struggle with teacher gifts because so many people are sensitive to scented things, and food allergies are numerous so I never want to give food, and the whole thing stresses me out.

I’d probably think it was a little rude but overall I’d be relieved.

[pinball]

49 minutes ago, ScoutTN said:

small edible

You might want to rethink the use of this word

In some circles, an edible implies a marijuana edible. And coupled with the small adjective, IMO makes it even MORE likely 

I’m suuuuuuuuure I’ll get hammered with cries of “no one would ever mistake this a recommending a marijuana edible!” but in places it is legal? It could be. Teachers get wine and alcohol as gifts, too

[Caroline]

2 minutes ago, pinball said:

You might want to rethink the use of this word

In some circles, an edible implies a marijuana edible. And coupled with the small adjective, IMO makes it even MORE likely 

I’m suuuuuuuuure I’ll get hammered with cries of “no one would ever mistake this a recommending a marijuana edible!” but in places it is legal? It could be. Teachers get wine and alcohol as gifts, too

That’s exactly what I thought! 

[DawnM]

49 minutes ago, pinball said:

I love it. 
 

Teachers are under paid. The economy is garbage. Inflation is sucking up everyone’s reserves and margin.

Make it rain. Give her cash

Well, I am in education too, so.....I will have to give her money from my miserly paycheck

[Clarita]

The way it's presented does come off a bit rude and I come from a cash giving culture. To me it's the middle part where she defines all the gifts she doesn't want in the middle. I've been OK with people saying "No presents please, but if you must cash preferred." (Or some people might state certain gift cards that they prefer.) I think the middle part with the I don't like XYZ makes it distasteful, kind of like calling out the parents who gave XYZ to you in the past.

[pinball]

28 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Well, I am in education too, so.....I will have to give her money from my miserly paycheck

That’s funny…I must have misunderstood your post. 

I thought you were complaining about her being rude.

I’m sorry you don’t get paid enough to give her a gift.

 

[HomeAgain]

That's....weird, no question. I would be a bit put off by that.

 

 

[ScoutTN]

1 hour ago, pinball said:

You might want to rethink the use of this word

In some circles, an edible implies a marijuana edible. And coupled with the small adjective, IMO makes it even MORE likely 

I’m suuuuuuuuure I’ll get hammered with cries of “no one would ever mistake this a recommending a marijuana edible!” but in places it is legal? It could be. Teachers get wine and alcohol as gifts, too

Fixed it!

[kbutton]

2 hours ago, DawnM said:

Ok, I found this to be odd, but maybe I am just old and cranky.

A's teacher sent out a class email and in it she said:

"I don't want to presume gifts, however, if you are considering a teacher gift, I do not like candy, cannot handle scented candles or lotion, and I don't use gift cards.   Monetary gifts are best."

So, she is basically asking for cash.

Is this odd to you?

Maybe the kids that age want to see her use those things in person or ask, and it gets awkward. 

[pinball]

11 minutes ago, kbutton said:

Maybe the kids that age want to see her use those things in person or ask, and it gets awkward. 

Maybe she’ll buy new bulletin board displays or books for the class library?

Lots of teacher spend their own paychecks on stuff for students or the classroom.

[Heartstrings]

I think it’s a bit rude but understandable.  I’d hate having to dispose of 30 gifts that I can’t use every year.  Not to mention how many mugs, ornaments, etc. teachers can accumulate after a few years.  The volume of gifts a teacher gets is so high that I feel like I could give that a pass.  
 

Teacher gifts are always optional.  If you can’t afford it, just do a note or card or picture or nothing.  If you weren’t doing gifts this year then I don’t see how this note changes anything.  

Edited November 29, 2023 by Heartstrings

[Ausmumof3]

It’s rude. There are definitely better gifts for teachers but if it doesn’t work for you donate or regift. 

[Onalulu]

Is that even legal, can you ask for cash? That would make me give them absolutely zero. 

[Hilltopmom]

I’m giving all of my kids’ teacher a case each of tissues and Lysol wipes. 
It’s what all classrooms really need this time of year- the school does not provide them for our rooms.

I’ll probably add a small box of local chocolates, but maybe not.

Honestly, as a teacher I’d be thrilled with a case of tissues so I don’t have to ask parents to send them in every week. The kids go through them like water.

We literally donate all of the mugs, candles, and scented lotions immediately.

Edited November 29, 2023 by Hilltopmom

[Kanin]

I'm a teacher, and I hate getting gifts that just end up in the trash or going to Goodwill... I don't like parents spending their hard-earned money on something I'm just going to toss. 

However, that email was a bit much. I'm sure there could have been a better way to word it.

[Kanin]

5 hours ago, DawnM said:

I don't use gift cards

She doesn't use gift cards? Who doesn't use gift cards? Maybe an Amazon one would be OK...I'd feel extremely awkward getting cash from a parent.

[Shoeless]

1 hour ago, Kanin said:

She doesn't use gift cards? Who doesn't use gift cards? Maybe an Amazon one would be OK...I'd feel extremely awkward getting cash from a parent.

Right? She can't find something useful at Amazon or Walmart? 

[Shoeless]

Maybe she said no gift cards because she gets lots of Starbucks cards and doesn't use them. 

I'd probably skip giving her a gift because it sounds like she gets too much from students and it's turning into a burden.  

[Clemsondana]

The families of the homeschool kids that I teach are sometimes very generous - I've gotten some very nice gifts over the years.  Most students don't give anything, though, and of those who give most give a small gift - a bit of candy, a baggie of cookies, gift cards under $10.  One family always gave a jar of homemade apple butter...we were really sad when their youngest graduated.  🙂  I credit another family with starting our homemade pesto habit when they gave me a small basil plant one year.  A mom who sells pampered chef has given some of their smaller products as gifts.  If I'm given a lot of sweets, I just open them and share with the class.  Occasionally my kids will take something like an unneeded insulated cup and use it at the youth gift exchange.  I'd feel really awkward if students came in and handed me cash.  

[Dianthus]

It's incredibly rude, also insulting everyone who previously gave her one of the listed gifts. What an ungrateful person. I hope she gets nothing. If she didn't like/ use those token items, she should just quietly donate them.

I give homemade candy and sometimes also cookies at Christmas and also give homemade bread and jam for birthdays or occasions. Our teachers are always gracious and appreciative. I get the feeling not many people give teacher gifts at all.

Wow, I can't believe that teacher could be so rude!

[DawnM]

8 hours ago, Kanin said:

She doesn't use gift cards? Who doesn't use gift cards? Maybe an Amazon one would be OK...I'd feel extremely awkward getting cash from a parent.

 

6 hours ago, Shoeless said:

Right? She can't find something useful at Amazon or Walmart? 

Those were my thoughts exactly!   She can't find anything at Amazon?

[DawnM]

11 hours ago, pinball said:

That’s funny…I must have misunderstood your post. 

I thought you were complaining about her being rude.

I’m sorry you don’t get paid enough to give her a gift.

 

I didn't say I didn't get paid enough to get her a gift, just that you are advocating for a gift of money because she doesn't make enough.   I WAS asking if it was rude.   I was not complaining.   What exactly is funny?

And, I WILL get her a gift.   My son is not the easiest to deal with, she deserves more than I will give her! 😅

Edited November 29, 2023 by DawnM

[purpleowl]

I could be okay with a message like "I have allergies to fragrant items like candles and lotions." Those things can give me migraines, even just sitting on my desk while I wait for a chance to give them to someone else. I'm also thinking of - I think it's dmmetler who has the serious allergy to cinnamon? Something like that is definitely worth communicating to the parents prior to Christmas gift time.

The rest of it...no. We teach kids to smile and say thank you when they receive an unwanted gift. Adults should be able to do the same. 

Edited November 29, 2023 by purpleowl

[pinball]

10 hours ago, Kanin said:

Who doesn't use gift cards?

I’ve heard news stories that state over 40% of US adults have at least one unused gift card. The collective amount of unused gift cards is in double-digit billions.

Maybe she does use gift cards, but only at a particular place and she didn’t want to specify.

[pinball]

10 hours ago, Kanin said:

I'm a teacher, and I hate getting gifts that just end up in the trash or going to Goodwill... I don't like parents spending their hard-earned money on something I'm just going to toss. 

However, that email was a bit much. I'm sure there could have been a better way to word it.

I’d much rather know that I’m giving something the teacher WANTS (even if it’s cash and even if she comes right out and says it) than giving something that gets thrown away.

 

[MercyA]

It's possible that she's not neurotypical, and what she perceives as waste bothers her on a deep level. 

Still, she was very impolite. I agree with others that she should have phrased things more diplomatically if she really felt the need to say something. "I don't like," "I can't handle," and "I won't use" are really harsh. Allergies / intolerances are fine to mention.

The best practice would be expressing appreciation and donating the unwanted gifts.

[lmrich]

A little rude, but she is being honest. I  would not get a teacher school supplies  for Christmas - just donate those items. 

A general  rule  - no  mugs, no  candles, and only homemade treats if  you  know he/she can/will eat them. A handwritten  note is the  BEST! 

[Kassia]

17 minutes ago, lmrich said:

 

A general  rule  - no  mugs, no  candles, and only homemade treats if  you  know he/she can/will eat them. A handwritten  note is the  BEST! 

I was always hesitant to give homemade treats because many people (myself included) are very wary about eating food from someone else's kitchen.   We always did a handwritten note and some local goods or a gift card to the local grocery store that you could also use at the gas station.

[itsheresomewhere]

Slightly off topic but for those unwanted gifts-  the best use if them I have ever heard of was a school making a gift closet with them.  It had a high poverty level and they turned those unwanted gifts into something the kids could “purchase” for a gift for their families.  I wish I could find that article but it talked about how this was successful and how much the kids loved it. 

[footballmom]

I am simultaneously taken aback at the directness and have a little respect for her gravitas. Not knowing any details about this person, if I was planning on giving her a gift before the email and hasn’t purchased anything, I would honor her ask and give her money. If I had purchased something, I would try to think of another person that would enjoy that gift and repurpose it and if I had the money in my budget, I would still give her money. If I didn’t have it in my budget, then I wouldn’t gift anything because she’s been clear other gifts would not feel like a gift. 
 

I might also tell myself a story that she really needs money to be so direct and I would pray the money I gave her would bless her in how it was used. 

[Kanin]

3 hours ago, pinball said:

I’ve heard news stories that state over 40% of US adults have at least one unused gift card. The collective amount of unused gift cards is in double-digit billions.

 

Well, that's me, too... but theoretically I could use one. I'm more apt to use an Amazon card than one for a specific place like Old Navy, because I almost never go there.

[KatieJ]

Interesting story…daughter of a friend of mine bought a house last year. The previous owner left a box of Christmas decor in the attic. When she dug into the box this week, she found a $100.00 GC to Kohls! 

[freesia]

I always liked to get Christmas ornaments. I did not like to get fudge/baked goods bc I was single and struggled with my weight. I never expected anything ( although, Dawn, I did appreciate when the parents of the challenging kids gave me something. Not that I expected it—but it was an encouragement.)

I cannot even imagine writing that email tbh. It comes off very entitled. She doesn’t have to use the gift card but she can, iykwim? She can put candy in the teacher’s lounge. The thing with scents is the only thing I think is reasonable. But I would think talking to the room mother about it and having her spread the news that Ms K has a scent sensitivity ( or diabetes if that’s the reason behind the no candy) is the way to go. 

[thatfirstsip]

23 hours ago, Onalulu said:

Is that even legal, can you ask for cash? That would make me give them absolutely zero. 

Which in this case is probably preferable to more candy

[thatfirstsip]

10 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

Slightly off topic but for those unwanted gifts-  the best use if them I have ever heard of was a school making a gift closet with them.  It had a high poverty level and they turned those unwanted gifts into something the kids could “purchase” for a gift for their families.  I wish I could find that article but it talked about how this was successful and how much the kids loved it. 

Oooh I do love this

[thatfirstsip]

11 hours ago, pinball said:

I’d much rather know that I’m giving something the teacher WANTS (even if it’s cash and even if she comes right out and says it) than giving something that gets thrown away.

 

Yes! Especially because there are definitely people who think giving cash is rude (impersonal, etc) - and honestly cash is the absolute easiest thing for me to do. If I knew all teachers were fine with cash I'd skip shopping for them altogether and everything would be so much easier.

I mean really, how is asking for cash ruder than asking for candles? They both cost money! The candle just costs money *and* time. You wanna save me the time, I'm even happier.

[Terabith]

Yes, it's rude, but on the other hand, I get it and I personally loathe teacher gifts as a teacher.  I'm allergic to most scented stuff.  I only use unbreakable ornaments in my Christmas tree because of cats.  I literally threw away a poinsettia I was given because I have cats that go outside and inside and they're toxic to cats.  I hate trying to deal with plants and keep them alive.  I find receiving gifts to be this landmine of I'm grateful, but honestly what I'd rather have is stuff for the classroom.  I don't drink coffee, but I get tons of Starbucks gift cards, which is fine, my husband does and my oldest likes random stuff from there.  But I'm not great at using gift cards except to amazon.  I feel like most of the gifts I get go to waste, and it's just all very stressful.  

[marbel]

Re Amazon gifts cards: if a person doesn't have prime and doesn't buy much from Amazon, they may have to pay for shipping, or place an order above a certain amount. So I don't assume a gift card would be useful to people unless I know they shop there.

Also I know many people who object to Amazon's business practices and don't buy from them. I do buy some of things from them, but not books - I buy new locally or used from another merchant. 

So I don't think of an Amazon card as a no-brainer gift. I'd give cash.

 

[pinball]

2 hours ago, freesia said:

But I would think talking to the room mother about it and having her spread the news that Ms K has a scent sensitivity ( or diabetes if that’s the reason behind the no candy) is the way to go. 

What is wrong with just being direct, like the teacher  was? She said *she didn’t want to “presume” gifts but IF you were considering then…blah, blah blah.* In this case, her blah blah blah is money. Why get another parent (room mom) involved?

And why are YOUR excuses the only allowable ones? only diabetes and scent sensitivity? There are NO other excuses?

what if she was raised in squalor and now has committed her life to non-consumerism and minimalism?

Sorry, not good enough! Take this Yankee candle and world’s best teacher mug and don’t be rude! 🤣

[Kassia]

9 minutes ago, marbel said:

Re Amazon gifts cards: if a person doesn't have prime and doesn't buy much from Amazon, they may have to pay for shipping, or place an order above a certain amount. So I don't assume a gift card would be useful to people unless I know they shop there.

Also I know many people who object to Amazon's business practices and don't buy from them. I do buy some of things from them, but not books - I buy new locally or used from another merchant. 

So I don't think of an Amazon card as a no-brainer gift. I'd give cash.

 

Thanks, I didn't think of that.  I always think of Amazon gift cards as being a nice alternative to cash even though ds1 hates them and only uses them when necessary.

 

[lmrich]

thinking  about  this again...  ideally a room parent would have coordinated this and should have sent the email

[Heartstrings]

4 minutes ago, lmrich said:

thinking  about  this again...  ideally a room parent would have coordinated this and should have sent the email

Very much this.  I wonder if they don’t do room parents anymore?  Schools local to me have been very particular about letting parents in to volunteer since Covid.  Which does make this kind of thing harder.