When your dd gets her period

[cathmom]

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd to commemorate it in some way? Like taking her out to lunch or dinner, buying her jewelry, giving her flowers, telling all and sundry, etc. I wouldn't have wanted my mom to do any of those things.

[Rhonda in TX]

She had just turned 10 and was very, very upset by the whole thing. I had told her (before this) that she had to wait until she was 13 to get her ears pierced. After starting her period, I decided to let her go ahead and get her ears pierced to take away the sting of the whole thing. It did help.

 

If she had been older, I would not have done anything like that.

[BMW]

My daughters got a bouquet of flowers the first time. None of them were upset, but it was just my way. To me it's a big deal... a life changing event that will last for years and decades!

[coffeefreak]

I want to make my daughter feel special. I was embarrassed, and mortified when I got mine (at 10). I've always thought I'd celebrate it in some way, I'm just not sure how yet. I know it would just be the two of us, no sisters or Dads allowed. Just a special day.

 

Would your dd be mortified? If she's shy, maybe it's best to write her a letter, or give her a special gift that would be private between the two of you?

 

Blessings!

[Plucky]

I prefer doing these things before she ever starts. My 11yog and I just had a mother-daughter weekend in November. I took her out to lunch. We talked until she was sick of the "changing body/emotions" conversations. We went to a movie, shopping, and her dad & I gave her a beautiful necklace with the word love on it just because we love her. She already knew everything but I wanted to make sure she was ready because I expected it to start next year. She got it 3 weeks later. She was extremely secure about it all, too, even though she had back-to-back performances that weekend.

 

I don't think I'd make a big deal about actually starting her period because that's just part of her biology. The changes are already beginning in her. I like the celebrating of who she is and how wonderful she is apart from an event she has no control over.

 

Families are so different though. What is right for us is very different for other families so I don't think doing those things is wrong it's just not our style.

[Beth in OH]

Three dd's, no celebrations. We are very open about discussing all things reproductive (poor dh);), but it just wouldn't suit any of our personalities to make it a special event.

[hornblower]

We were just matter of fact about it. No celebrations or anything. It would feel weird for me to do anything like that.

[stripe]

I think the declarations things are a bit invasive, but I think a piece of jewelry would be nice, maybe.

[momofkhm]

But she did start her first one at Bible Study. I was a children's leader and did tell her leaders as well. But nothing special. My other dd would be mortified if we did anything.

 

But according to my mom I should have announced it far and wide! I know she didn't do that to me cause I'd have been mortified and wouldn't have spoken to anyone for a month!

 

When I had originally told the girls about periods and such I made them a deal that when they started, they could get their ears pierced. They were both really happy about that. But then they got to 5th grade and didn't want to wait any longer. Oldest came to me and said something like "If I get straight A's this year, can I get my ears pierced?" She was in a brick and mortar school then and she'd never gotten straight A's before. I said sure. She was the only one in her class that got them that year! Even the little girl who had gotten straight A's since they started getting letter grades didn't get them that year! So then when middle dd was in 5th grade, she made the same deal. She did not get straight A's all year but we still got her ears pierced.

[JFSinIL]

I recall a Cosby show when the youngest dd , Rudy, had her period and Claire the mom wanted to celebrate with "Woman's Day" - skip school, do a Mom/Daughter lunch, etc. Rudy wanted NONE of it - too embarrassing. I remember cringing when I watched the show - I would have flipped if anyone had "celebrated' it!!!!!

[Lolly]

I just got mine chocolate. It was greatly appreciated.

[Zelda]

My poor father congratulated me awkwardly and I wanted to die on the spot. I was very much in a go-about-your-business-nothing-to-see-here mode. Not sure if I'll do anything. Food for thought.

[Zelda]

I just got mine chocolate. It was greatly appreciated.

 

I don't know why but this made me laugh. I pictured you handing her some supplies and then whipping out a box of chocolates with a, "Oh and you'll definitely be needing these." :lol:

[Lolly]

I don't know why but this made me laugh. I pictured you handing her some supplies and then whipping out a box of chocolates with a, "Oh and you'll definitely be needing these." :lol:

 

Pretty close!:lol: When the second dd started, she told me by telling me what kind of candy she wanted me to go to the store and buy her. Now, she thinks that every time she starts, she gets a fresh supply. I usually end up in the car.

[Peela]

I don't think it needs to be public, for sure. That would be embarrassing. But some sort of acknowledgment of her pathway into womanhood is a beautiful thing, I feel, even if its just a verbal acknowledgment or hug and buying some items for it together. Certainly gotta be better than the "gosh thats why youve been so grumpy lately" and sending ME up to the shop for supples, that my mum did for me!

I had lots of big ideas for my dd, but she still hasn't started and she is 14.5- all her friends started years ago. She is happy about it, and her girlfriends all treat it very matter of factually and sometimes talk about it- so I feel when it happens she will be as ready as she can get, and I will play it by ear as to how I commemorate it- perhaps a shopping trip, maybe a piece of jewellery- I already have a lovely little bag for putting supplies in.

I feel anything that takes any shame out of it and puts it in a positive light is a good thing- as long as it actually has that effect.

[chaik76]

I knew someone who held a party for their daughter! She was devestated...it still makes her shudder!

 

I know some people who have commemorated very successfully with their children...it was NOT something I would have wanted done for me! I felt the less said about it the better!

[Guest Staceyhsmom1]

I plan on celebrating this with my daughter. She's almost 6 now, but I have discussed it with a book group years ago after reading The Red Tent.

A new diary, maybe some new bath & body items.

There's lots of different customs and poems on this if you google it. On amazon they have several books too:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1931412138/qid=1081169433/sr=8-2/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i2_xgl14/102-1979070-7474500?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

[Heather in Neverland]

I think the declarations things are a bit invasive, but I think a piece of jewelry would be nice, maybe.

 

I like this idea. I didn't start until I was about 13.5yo and I am a very modest person. I would have been MORTIFIED if my family had a celebration for it. But the idea of a special piece of jewelry given to me in private by my mom would have been very special.

 

 

Awww....now I am sad that I don't have a daughter.

[sleepy]

I didn't even get a chance. Dd waited 2 months to tell me! :glare:

[Kris]

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd to commemorate it in some way? Like taking her out to lunch or dinner, buying her jewelry, giving her flowers, telling all and sundry, etc. I wouldn't have wanted my mom to do any of those things.

 

Actually, in some pagan groups it is quite common to have a ritual to celebrate a girl's transition to womanhood. *However* in those cases, the girls have been raised in that environment, they are familiar with the participants, etc.

[cathmom]

I have been trying to figure out why I think it's odd. I consider it a very personal thing, and that it would be invading my dd's privacy to tell others about when she starts. My dds are fully prepared for it and understand what is happening and what it means. It is not scary or emotional. It's a fact of life, just as someone posted. I wouldn't celebrate her "becoming a woman" because IMO she is not (especially when girls are getting it at very young ages). I treat it more as "you are growing up, this what your body is doing now."

 

I just wondered if I was the only one who felt this way, because I see all the time on the Internet moms posting about how they celebrated it with their dds.

[coffeefreak]

I have been trying to figure out why I think it's odd. I consider it a very personal thing, and that it would be invading my dd's privacy to tell others about when she starts. My dds are fully prepared for it and understand what is happening and what it means. It is not scary or emotional. It's a fact of life, just as someone posted. I wouldn't celebrate her "becoming a woman" because IMO she is not (especially when girls are getting it at very young ages). I treat it more as "you are growing up, this what your body is doing now."

 

I just wondered if I was the only one who felt this way, because I see all the time on the Internet moms posting about how they celebrated it with their dds.

 

I looked at some of the "Moon Kits" available online, and I think maybe something like this would be more appropriate than a "celebration." I would create my own though. Maybe put in a sampler of feminine hygiene products so she could try them out and decide what works best for her, chocolate (thanks Lolly), a journal, some Advil, and maybe a nice one on one letter Mom to daughter kwim? That way, it's still private, but a special day.

[Carol in Cal.]

Well, maybe a friend or two, later on, in private.

 

So we definately will not be having a big party.

 

However, I plan a festive day for just the two of us, and a small token of some sort--I am not sure just what yet, but maybe a talisman in a little velvet bag or something symbolic like that.

 

But there are two other comings of age that we will celebrate more publicly.

 

One is DD's confirmation, God willing, in 1 1/2 years. That will include a big party for sure!

 

The other is a small gathering of my woman friends and DD, each of them to be asked for an essay or paragraph--something wise or beautiful that they have learned through experience, and also for a commitment to be available to DD when she has questions about life, in addition to talking with me. I figure on doing that when she starts high school around age 14.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm intending to have a "womanhood" ring custom made for my dd, and I guess I ought to have one made for me too :) I want it to have three triangles and room on each one for a chip of semi precious stone. The first, a pink, for menarche. The second, red, for her first child (ok, she might not have any, but I'd like grandkids...) and a purple one for menopause. A marker of the transitions we go through, but in a positive way rather than "Oh great, now I have to put up with this!"

 

My thoughts...

:)

Rosie

[chaik76]

I have been trying to figure out why I think it's odd. I consider it a very personal thing, and that it would be invading my dd's privacy to tell others about when she starts. My dds are fully prepared for it and understand what is happening and what it means. It is not scary or emotional. It's a fact of life, just as someone posted. I wouldn't celebrate her "becoming a woman" because IMO she is not (especially when girls are getting it at very young ages). I treat it more as "you are growing up, this what your body is doing now."

 

I just wondered if I was the only one who felt this way, because I see all the time on the Internet moms posting about how they celebrated it with their dds.

No, I feel this way, too.

[Guest Lorna]

Our daughter has always loved being a little girl and didn't want to grow up or talk about periods. I made her a little box with the nicest towels I could find; a little Waldorf fairy doll; an amber necklace (because her childhood one broke and she loved it so much) and some information about periods and taking care of herself that I printed out from the internet.

She was really happy and when the 'big event' came she was happy. She started asking me questions from time to time and still has a her little 'I'm grown-up' shrine.

I was worried about her feelings when it happened, I had heard lots of awful stories from friends about their daughters changing over night when they got their first period. I can only say that, for us, this didn't happen.

[Chris in VA]

When my niece, who is also my goddaughter, got her's, I sent her a box of the nicest bath and body supplies I could find. I wrote her a letter, too, about the joys and trials of womanhood. I welcomed her, as it were.

 

I know girls are not "women," when they reach menarche. But to me, a period is a wonderful thing. It is part of how we are created, and it is a bit of a miracle. Each month, my body is ready to accept that which will lead to new life. A place is prepared, a time set aside, and I think that's a pretty neat bodily metaphor for accepting whatever gift God's going to give. If it's not needed, the space and the preparations are not horded, but released. That's something I need to learn--the stripping of the unnecessary.

 

I never want my daughter to feel shame at the way God chose to make her body. Yeah, periods can hurt (I used to have terrible, terrible cramps), and they are messy, that's for sure. Lots of things in life hurt and are messy, but that's just all a part of it, y'know? Pain and mess don't equate with wrong and bad, to me.

 

I hope she always sees herself as a miracle. I'll probably give her a little something special, but I won't announce it, because I do believe in privacy. I know others will begin to see her womanhood, her true womanhood--tenderness, compassion, strength, self-control, grace, kindness--in other ways, as she grows. A period is a big step along the way, and an important part of the way she is designed. I think there should be joy, not resignation, at its coming.

[FriedClams]

I used to help out in a scrapbook store and a FATHER came up to the desk and asked me what products I would recommend so his daughter could scrap about her first period. He told me how special it was for her, blah, blah. I honestly can't remember the conversation since all my effort was being spent not laughing or gagging. It was SO WEIRD to me. Maybe it was the dad factor - but it was weird. I grew up Irish Catholic - and would have DIED if my parents even addressed it. With my dd, it will depend on her. She's great for looking for any excuse for us to hang out alone (without the boys) ...

[PariSarah]

I don't think it's odd at all--it sounds very lovely. And I think it's great when moms recognize that their daughters need something like that.

 

I most assuredly didn't need it, and I wouldn't have wanted it. Even though I have a very close relationship with my mom, it would have felt very unnatural and weird--we just weren't girly-girly demonstrative like that. And telling all and sundry would have been positively damaging to our relationship.

[Julie in CA]

I consider it a very personal thing, and that it would be invading my dd's privacy to tell others about when she starts.

I intend to mark the day with something special for my dd's, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell anyone about it--there's a difference.

 

Taking the sting off of what can sometimes be an uncomfortable event by taking an afternoon of "girls only" activities seems entirely appropriate. We definitely won't be telling anyone other than my dh why we're going, and even then I'll be telling dh in private.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

I think the declarations things are a bit invasive, but I think a piece of jewelry would be nice, maybe.

I have nothing to add to this conversation other than, when *isn't* a piece of jewelry nice? :)

[riada]

I intend to mark the day with something special for my dd's, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell anyone about it--there's a difference.

 

Taking the sting off of what can sometimes be an uncomfortable event by taking an afternoon of "girls only" activities seems entirely appropriate. We definitely won't be telling anyone other than my dh why we're going, and even then I'll be telling dh in private.

:iagree:This is exactly how I feel and what I wanted to say. Thanks for wording it so wonderfully Julie!

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

When my niece, who is also my goddaughter, got her's, I sent her a box of the nicest bath and body supplies I could find. I wrote her a letter, too, about the joys and trials of womanhood. I welcomed her, as it were.

 

I know girls are not "women," when they reach menarche. But to me, a period is a wonderful thing. It is part of how we are created, and it is a bit of a miracle. Each month, my body is ready to accept that which will lead to new life. A place is prepared, a time set aside, and I think that's a pretty neat bodily metaphor for accepting whatever gift God's going to give. If it's not needed, the space and the preparations are not horded, but released. That's something I need to learn--the stripping of the unnecessary.

 

I never want my daughter to feel shame at the way God chose to make her body. Yeah, periods can hurt (I used to have terrible, terrible cramps), and they are messy, that's for sure. Lots of things in life hurt and are messy, but that's just all a part of it, y'know? Pain and mess don't equate with wrong and bad, to me.

 

I hope she always sees herself as a miracle. I'll probably give her a little something special, but I won't announce it, because I do believe in privacy. I know others will begin to see her womanhood, her true womanhood--tenderness, compassion, strength, self-control, grace, kindness--in other ways, as she grows. A period is a big step along the way, and an important part of the way she is designed. I think there should be joy, not resignation, at its coming.

 

Chris, when you write your book, please let me know, ok?

 

You're a beautiful writer, and it expresses your beautiful mind and sensitive heart. I want you to know how much you are loved and how much I have appreciated your contributions on this board over the years. You make me think and you make me feel more deeply.

 

Thank you.

[MrsMe]

Ugh...I'd have been mortified. I suppose it depends on the kid and whether or not she just couldn't wait for that to happen. So far I've never seen a kid that felt this way. But to each her own.

[Ellie]

it's especially odd to announce it to friends and family, as in "Daffodil is a young lady now." What??? Would Daffodil not be mortified to have her private life announced to anyone? And what does physical maturity have to do with being a "lady"?

 

No, we just accepted it as part of life and moved on.

[Jennifer in MI]

My poor father congratulated me awkwardly and I wanted to die on the spot. I was very much in a go-about-your-business-nothing-to-see-here mode. Not sure if I'll do anything. Food for thought.

 

My dad did something like this! I was absolutely mortified. And, I was mad at my mom for telling him.

 

I didn't know what my period was when it came. It was terrible. I thought I was dying. So, when I showed my mom and she got all emotional, I was TERRIBLY embarassed. I didn't tell anyone about it - none of my friends or anyone. My 2 yo dd already knows about the fact that girls bleed and that she will some day when she is bigger. I'm treating it as a biological fact and it will be treated as such when she gets hers. No other celebrations. No other "talks." No nothing.

[Murphy101]

I wouldn't make a public spectacle of it, but I can see doing something simple and private as just mother and daughter. A bouquet of flowers, a piece of jewlery or jewlery box, maybe a shopping trip?

 

I don't look it as an invasion of privacy, so much as a mother - growing up daughter bonding thing? It transition from just being a little girl to being a young woman?

 

Dh will probably cry and then buy her flowers and diamonds.

He is totally not looking forward to his baby girls growing up and looking at boys.

[coffeefreak]

My dad did something like this! I was absolutely mortified. And, I was mad at my mom for telling him.

 

Because of this thread, I had a talk with my dh about what I'll do when, and that I really don't think he should ever be involved (unless I'm not available and one of the girls personally comes to him for whatever reason). He was MORTIFIED that Dad's would even want to be involved! He was so relieved that I was going to handle everything:lol: He's a very sensitive husband, and has never been embarrassed buying supplies for me, but he has already stated, he won't be doing it for the girls.:lol:

[ChristyB in TN]

Maybe it is a personality thing. I don't think it's odd, just not something I had ever heard of until I read about it on here! I gave my daughter a box of tampons when she started her period. That was it. She already knew everything there is to know, well, everything I know about it. I have just always felt that if I don't make a big production of it, she won't either. I see her friends who stay home from school and/or whine the entire time they are menstruating and I just can't fathom letting my period get in the way of my life like that! I won't allow it with her, either. She still swims on her swim team just like any other day. However, I think it is great that other people like to celebrate things like that. Maybe it is the "love language" thing again?

[Kris]

Because of this thread, I had a talk with my dh about what I'll do when, and that I really don't think he should ever be involved (unless I'm not available and one of the girls personally comes to him for whatever reason). He was MORTIFIED that Dad's would even want to be involved! He was so relieved that I was going to handle everything:lol: He's a very sensitive husband, and has never been embarrassed buying supplies for me, but he has already stated, he won't be doing it for the girls.:lol:

 

My Sweetie has always been like that too. We kind of had a deal. If we actually *needed* a cart and a half full of stuff at the grocery store, I bought my own "supplies." But if we just needed one or two things, he had no problem doing it. :lol:

 

But, when it came to my daughter, my husband didn't need to be involved. I don't know if he was relieved or not. She probably was, though. :001_smile:

[dragons in the flower bed]

Am I the only one who thinks it's odd to commemorate it in some way? Like taking her out to lunch or dinner, buying her jewelry, giving her flowers, telling all and sundry, etc. I wouldn't have wanted my mom to do any of those things.

 

 

I was so relieved that my mom treated it like a good thing. She could be pretty harsh and critical about my body, so I was expecting a long, angry lecture about cleanliness. Instead she smiled and hugged me and gave me the run down cheerfully. To my 11yo self, it was definitely a Very Good Thing that she felt celebratory about it. I would have been beside myself with joy if she had taken me out to dinner with a few of her friends. Jewelry and flowers would have also been fine, because those are discreet, but I don't think I would have appreciated her telling everyone or having a party.

[PrairieAir]

No, you aren't the only one. I would have been mortified. I'm sure oldest dd would have been also. I'm only a little less sure of younger dd's reaction. But, hey, people are different. I can understand that it would be a nice thing for some individuals/families. It's definitely odd to me though.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

My dd14 just got hers last month and her first words were, "Mom, if you tell Dad, I'll never speak to you again!":001_smile:

 

She would have died had I done something like that.

 

For the record, a few days later she said she didn't care if her dad knew and I could tell him.:001_huh: The hormones have begun!

[dymphna57]

When my eldest had her first menstrual bleeding, I was shocked as she was only ten!. I did my best to show her how proud I was of her and the way she was handling it. We aren't one of those quiet families so she was well informed just surprised to have it happen so soon.

I had a friend who wanted to have a special ceremony for her but I begged off. I think we went somewhere together and did a little shopping.

We came home with her favorite flavor of ice cream and she didn't have to share!!!!!!

That has become our tradition. I think jewelry would have been appreciated as well.

[SquirrellyMama]

I wonder if it depends on the age of the girl when it begins. I was 15 years old when I finally got mine and wanted my parents to have no part in it. I didn't even tell them. I had a job and money to buy my own supplies and I did. My mom did find out and wanted to talk but I tried to stay away from any talk about it.

 

Had I been a younger girl (9, 10, 11) then maybe it would have been different.

 

Kelly

[kat19]

My dd got hers this summer while dh was on vacation. We were at home trying decide if we were gonna head to the Omaha zoo or not and dd was lounging around and said her stomach hurt.

After a bit, I finally figured it out.

We had to go to the store to get her items(since I didn't plan ahead) and childrens ibuprofen(she likes that kind).

It was tough for her..

She got to pick a restaurant to eat at that night.

[Brindee]

I see her friends who stay home from school and/or whine the entire time they are menstruating and I just can't fathom letting my period get in the way of my life like that! I won't allow it with her, either.

Nothing personal, but this does not seem very open to me. Different people have different severity of pain/cramping/bloating than others. My mom had horrible cramps, and so did I. We both (sorry to get graphic) poured, and neither of us could use tampons. There is NO WAY for some people to go on as normal with those kinds of things happening! I was not one to be whiny, but my cramps doubled me over with pain every single time, starting from day 1 of my first period. More than once my dr. had to prescribe codeine because nothing else would alleviate the pain. And having to change a pad every hour, often less, makes it REALLY hard to do things as normal!!!

 

I hope you can find it in yourself to be more open to the differences the girls may have with severity, and not think they're just being whiny! Whether my mom would have "allowed it" or not, I HAD to stay home from a couple of days of school every time!

 

 

 

As for the main subject, I LOVE the way some of you worded what you think! My dd loves celebrations! So, though we would not tell others, I will celebrate her change in life with her, mother and daughter, doing something special together. It fits in with her personality to do so! We've already discussed it, and she knows what to expect. I am praying that she doesn't have such horrible periods as her mom and grandma!!!!

Edited December 23, 2008 by Brindee