Nickname as given name

[Drama Llama]

My SIL and BIL are on the fence about what to name their baby and they keep asking me but I am on the fence too!

They know what they want to call the baby.  It’s a wonderful nickname, that was what SIL’s beloved grandma was called.  But they are not sure whether to just give the baby the nickname, or to put the formal name on the birth certificate and call her the nickname. 

In the country where SIL’a grandma was born, I think everyone would hear the nickname and assume it was a diminutive for the formal name, in the way you might meet an American named Bill and assume he was really William.  But I don’t think most Americans will make that assumption.  Both names are the same length and both are names that you would have to tell most Americans how to pronounce,  but that are then easy sounds for Americans.

On one hand they love both names and like the idea of having both, on the other hand they worry that having to say “Actually it’s pronounced C but I go by Y which is spelled ABCD” might get old and it might be simpler to just have the nickname on the birth certificate.

Both SIL and BIL go by nicknames 100% but ones like Liz and Bill that are obvious to Americans what they are short for.

Anyway, I am not sure this is clear at all without the names which I can’t say, but I wonder what other people have chosen if you wanted to use a nickname daily.

Both my kids have pretty short given names and they alternate between them and family nicknames that are completely disconnected from their given names. 

[Katy]

Do the formal name.  My dad had a nickname as given name and HATED it. He really believed strongly in using a formal name.

[Clemsondana]

We know people with names like Max, Jake, and Betsy as their given names.  It's what their family planned to call them, so they skipped naming them Jacob or Elizabeth and just went with the nickname.  They are related, and since it happened over generations they seem to feel like it keeps things simple.  

[Starr]

From your description I would go with the nick name. It doesn’t sound like most people will make the connection between the names. 

[kokotg]

I like using the formal name (given that they like both names) because it gives the kid options when they get older. I have an August that we usually call Gus, but he uses August when he's introducing himself in new situations. He doesn't mind Gus, but has at least a slight preference for August, and I like both and like that he gets to decide (and in that case the name and nickname have fairly different feels, so it's a real choice).

Edited June 3, 2023 by kokotg

[kathyl]

I was given the nickname for my birth certificate.  I was forever being asked if Kathy was short for Katherine or some version of Katherine.  It was very annoying.  I always had to say 'No it's just Kathy'.  Which kinds made it seem like my name was somehow 'less than', if you know what I mean.

With the influx of people and names from all over the world since I was growing up, I'm not asked that so much as before.  But I'm still asked occasionally at places like medical appointments and such, where names on insurance can make a big difference.

I would go with the longer formal name on the birth certificate.

[catz]

Try it together with some titles.  Dr Suzie Jones.  Chief Justice Suzie Jones.  Captain Suzie Jones.  Does it still work?

I will say I have a diminuitive as my given name and I REGULARLY to this day get called the full version.  I get in databases with the full version.  I do wish my parents would have gone with the long version in my case.  But every name is different!  I will say I did give both my kids names that don't really shorten.  They've both just been called their names since birth.

[kristin0713]

DD's name can be a nickname for a longer name. I think in the UK it has become more common as a standalone name. I do wish I had named her a name, and not a nickname. She went through a phase where she hated her name as well as the very long and formal middle name that we gave her in case she wanted more options. But she loves her name now, so, I guess all is well. 

[easypeasy]

Another vote for using the formal name on the bc and using the nn. Two of mine go by nn’s and have all their lives. One was given the formal name “officially” while the other has the nn. 
It was never an issue, really, growing up, but as an adult, the one with the nn is more annoyed with the questions they are peppered with on paperwork or for formal invitations. 
The one with the “formal” name also likes that they can introduce themselves with the formal name. It helps in some businessy situations or when they run into someone and can tell if they know them from a business-relationship or an informal one. 

[freesia]

I am pro formal name. Most people I grew up with who had established nicknames do use their formal name as professionals. However, it’s hard not knowing the names. Technically Natasha is a nickname for Natalia but it’s seem as it’s own name over here. Polly and Molly are nicknames for Mary but we see them as independent. So, I guess if it were like those names it wouldn’t matter. 

[Drama Llama]

9 minutes ago, kathyl said:

I was given the nickname for my birth certificate.  I was forever being asked if Kathy was short for Katherine or some version of Katherine.  It was very annoying.  I always had to say 'No it's just Kathy'.  Which kinds made it seem like my name was somehow 'less than', if you know what I mean.

With the influx of people and names from all over the world since I was growing up, I'm not asked that so much as before.  But I'm still asked occasionally at places like medical appointments and such, where names on insurance can make a big difference.

I would go with the longer formal name on the birth certificate.

So, I don’t think in the US people will know what it’s a diminutive of.  I think there will be more explaining to the doctor “it’s actually X” if they use the formal name.

That’s what her parents think,  but they also like the idea of having both Grandma’s real name and her nickname so they are torn.

[easypeasy]

3 minutes ago, BandH said:

So, I don’t think in the US people will know what it’s a diminutive of.  I think there will be more explaining to the doctor “it’s actually X” if they use the formal name.

That’s what her parents think,  but they also like the idea of having both Grandma’s real name and her nickname so they are torn.

Even better! If they actually really LIKE both names, I’d definitely use the formal name! 😊 Doctors and teachers are totally used to this kind of thing and will adjust easily. 

[Drama Llama]

15 minutes ago, freesia said:

I am pro formal name. Most people I grew up with who had established nicknames do use their formal name as professionals. However, it’s hard not knowing the names. Technically Natasha is a nickname for Natalia but it’s seem as it’s own name over here. Polly and Molly are nicknames for Mary but we see them as independent. So, I guess if it were like those names it wouldn’t matter. 

It’s more like Natasha for Natalia except it’s no where near as common as either of those names in the US.  
 

To my ear it’s like Jack for John. Jack doesn’t sounds less formal than John and if I didn’t know because it’s my culture I would not hear Jack and guess it’s really John.  But in grandma’s home country almost all the Jacks are really John.  

Edited June 3, 2023 by BandH
My autocorrect is addicted to apostrophes

[freesia]

7 minutes ago, BandH said:

It’s more like Natasha for Natalia except it’s no where near as common as either of those names in the US.  
 

To my ear it’s like Jack for John. Jack doesn’t sounds less formal than John and if I didn’t know because it’s my culture I would not hear Jack and guess it’s really John.  But in grandma’s home country almost all the Jack’s are really John.  

Would it help to ask Grandma what she thinks? It probably doesn’t matter in the long run what they decide, but if Grandma cares, maybe that could help. 

[theelfqueen]

My given name is a nickname and I've always hated it. 

In fact I stopped using it as a middle schooler, in favor of my middle name. 

Edited June 3, 2023 by theelfqueen

[Drama Llama]

Grandma is long dead, and Grandma’s daughter (baby’s grandma) says that she lobbied hard for SIL to have an “American” name and would probably prefer the American version.

[LaughingCat]

IME if both formal and nickname are unusual for US -- then chances are the school won't use the nickname unless the parents push hard (and will need to do it over and over each year) and child will end up called the formal name by most people  (IME this ONLY applies for unusual nicknames, opposite of common nicknames which often take over even when the parent wants the formal name to be used)

Additionally IME a LOT of people go solely by first name on the record -- Dr office, teachers especially at college level,  HR depts etc. 

And I've seen many people get pushed into a specific name by what the IT dept put as their email name (i.e. name of record) -- of course their immediate co-workers know the nickname, and they can sign nickname on email, but very often people use the name from the email address anyway. 

I would definitely go with the nickname if that is the name they prefer to use.

 

 

 

 

 

[Kareni]

Since both names are relatively unknown to Americans, I would favor choosing the nickname as that is what they plan to call the child.

Regards,

Kareni

[ktgrok]

1 hour ago, Clemsondana said:

We know people with names like Max, Jake, and Betsy as their given names.  It's what their family planned to call them, so they skipped naming them Jacob or Elizabeth and just went with the nickname.  They are related, and since it happened over generations they seem to feel like it keeps things simple.  

I'm Katie. Not Kathleen, Katharine, or whatever. Just Katie. Because my mom knew she wanted to call me Katie, and didn't want some other nickname to end up superseding that some day. It was an issue only once, when an elementary speech pathologist was convinced I was wrong and didn't know my own name. But only that one time, and never anymore. 

I can see with Bill it might be weird, as people would assume William and he'd have to correct them. But since you said no one is likely to know that this IS a diminutive form, or assume the full name, that wouldn't be the same issue. So I say go for it. 

 

[ktgrok]

Thinking on it, it seems like they would have to do WAY less explaining and correcting if the nick name is their real name, since how often do people even CARE what your official name is, and if they do, they likely won't even know to assume a different name anyway given it isn't a commonly known one. Versus people who will look at a form or whatever and call them the official name, and then have to be corrected to use the nick name. 

[rebcoola]

With what you described I would just do the nickname.

[SKL]

If I am understanding correctly, the nickname is not going to come across as a nickname to anyone they deal with.  I assume it doesn't sound babyish or weird, right?  So use the "nickname."

I'm thinking of my client named Rosalie.  Could be a diminutive of Rosalia, but I don't hear "Rosalie" and think "but what is her real name?"

You didn't ask, but I would also prefer a version that is reasonably easy to say and spell.  Just to save the kid from having to spend half of his life correcting people.  (Though to be fair, my name is one syllable / 4 letters, and most people spell that wrong, so ....)

[Ellie]

I use a diminutive form of my *middle* name, and it's a PITA. I purposely gave my dc names which had no diminutive forms. Which is a round-about way of saying that they should put on the birth certificate the name they plan to call him. It will save much awkwardness in his life.

[sweet2ndchance]

My dad has a diminutive form as a given name and so does dh's grandma. Both have had to correct people all their lives. I have a name with many diminutive forms, I've always had to correct people for what I prefer to be called. I always hated hearing my legal name as a child because at home I was only called by that name when I was in trouble.

I think no matter what they choose, there will be possible shortcomings to it, maybe it will be a problem for the child, maybe it won't. My dh legally changed his name as an adult because he hated his given name for which his mother had chosen a creative spelling. He changed it to a diminutive of his given name but it is commonly used as a given name in the US. I think they should name the child what they find pleasing and if the child really doesn't like it, they can legally change it. It really isn't that arduous of a process. No different really than a woman changing her name when she marries.

[fraidycat]

If the nn does not sound nicknamey or childish, I would just go with the nickname as long as it is a name that can be used by a professional in a professional setting when the baby is an adult. Though, 20+ years from now, we may be past the point of judging or stereotyping people by their names, there is not a guarantee of it, so it is something to keep in mind.

Personally, I go by a shortened version of my name, but it is literally just my name cut in half. The spelling and pronunciation of the short version do not change from short to long, so it's not too confusing for the general public.

My kids each have 3 names but their short "family nicknames" have nothing to do with any of their given names. Lol What you think you will call them and what you actually call them are not necessarily the same.

[Laura Corin]

I would go with the nickname if what the child ends up calling herself matters to the parent. I once met a man who had named his son Christopher, with the assumption that the father's preferred nickname of 'Kit' would be what the son chose to use.

The son chose 'Chris', a name that the father hated enough that he complained to me, a complete stranger, about it.

[Hannah]

I'd go with an Anglicized spelling of the nickname. 

For example, for a gaelic name such as Dairíne, which would be Anglicized to Darene, I'd go with the Anglicized spelling of the nickname Dereenie.

Or Bettina for for the Italian diminutive of Elisabetta or Benedetta.

[Hannah]

I'd like to add that the legal name should sound 'adult'.  Here it was common in my generation to add a diminutive 'tjie' after girls names, eg Hannetjie, Annatjie, etc.  I don't know any grown women with these legal names who don't go by the shortened form. Even in high school they were dropping the 'tjie'.

[Elizabeth86]

I say use the nickname as a given name. People have tried to nickname me my whole life and I hate all the short names for Elizabeth. With the exception of my first, I have always intentionally chosen nickname proof names. I just like going by the given name.

Edited June 3, 2023 by Elizabeth86

[Elizabeth86]

12 hours ago, kokotg said:

I like using the formal name (given that they like both names) because it gives the kid options when they get older. I have an August that we usually call Gus, but he uses August when he's introducing himself in new situations. He doesn't mind Gus, but has at least a slight preference for August, and I like both and like that he gets to decide (and in that case the name and nickname have fairly different feels, so it's a real choice).

Aww I wanted to names my last little guy August and call him Gus. I love that name. Dh was not on board though.

[Jaybee]

7 hours ago, sweet2ndchance said:

I think no matter what they choose, there will be possible shortcomings to it, maybe it will be a problem for the child, maybe it won't.

Yes, I agree. With one of our children, we chose to actually name the nickname. It is a variant one letter off from the name, as in an -ie derivative. But the derivative isn't babyish, despite the -ie. Occasionally, I wonder if they would rather have had the original, but I have never asked, and they have never said. It really suits the personality more than the more formal form of the name, and it does make things less complicated.

[stephanier.1765]

I'm usually pro formal name. I have one - Alexander on his birth certificate but called Alex all his life. But in your case, where the majority of people would not realize that the name is a nickname, I would go with the nickname. It seems it would be more complicated in formal situations to spell and sound out both for a name that most people aren't familiar with.

[J-rap]

I think either choice is fine.  I generally like formal names on birth certificates even if we plan to use a nickname, because it gives our child the choice of going more formal as they get older, for a career and such.  Or sometimes people don't really "get" the nickname, but once they know the formal name it makes sense.  Not that you need to pick the formal name for other people, but sometimes the people who actually have those nicknames appreciate it.

We named our dd a formal name but have always called her a nickname that is common in other some countries but not in the USA.  She loves her nickname and doesn't want to change it.  It's how she introduces herself to people.   But she likes using her formal name for research papers, conferences, etc.  Also, people can more easily remember her formal name.  She appreciates being able to connect her nickname which most people don't know to a formal name which people do know.

But I've never understood why Jack is a nickname for John.  In a situation like that, I'd have Jack on the birth certificate, not John!

 

 

[JustEm]

I'm all for naming a kid whatever you plan on calling them. I have never gone by my first name so when people see it written out and call me it I don't respond instantly. 

Dh has gone by his middle name from birth. Why name him one thing and call him something else. All that did is cause annoyance for him and confusion for other people

[Arcadia]

13 hours ago, BandH said:

So, I don’t think in the US people will know what it’s a diminutive of.  I think there will be more explaining to the doctor “it’s actually X” if they use the formal name

Being Chinese, whoever is at the check in counter for medical and dental appointments would always ask us to spell our names. 
I have many nicknames given by relatives but I rather use my formal name for everything else.

[Frances]

My husband would say just give the nickname officially. As someone with an official name who was always called the nickname, he was adamant when we were choosing baby names that we not choose a name that had a common nickname. Since they aren’t going to do that and the name/nickname combo won’t be well known, I’d make the child’s life easier and just go with the nickname.

[Corraleno]

Normally I'm in favor of giving formal names even if the child will be called a nickname, because then at least they have the option of using the formal name for professional reasons. (My name is a nickname, and I actually used the formal version professionally for a while, even though it wasn't my legal name.)

But in your SIL's case, if the two names aren't names that Americans would even know were related, and the nickname isn't too cutesy (i.e. not equivalent to Jimmy, Bobby, Debbie, Susie, etc.), then it makes more sense to just name her what they plan to call her.