Were you taught how to clean?

[Guest]

Not really taught to clean properly, though we did have “job cards” every Saturday for several years. My mom did not keep a very clean house, though and our cleaning efforts were mostly figure-it-out. 
 

When I was a teen, I found Don Aslet’s books about cleaning and decluttering; that is where I really learned proper procedure and supplies for particular tasks. 
 

[HS Mom in NC]

Yes.  I'm a farm kid.  We were taught how to do each household and other job explicitly and  "properly" and were sent back to do it correctly if it wasn't up to standards from a very young age. The standards were high.  My mother expected us to be able to fully run the household and the outside chores without supervision by the time we were in Jr. High as well as she did. We could. We started working outside the home then. Jobs were rotated and everyone was fully competent. (No physical or cognitive challenges in the medical sense the family.)  Gender didn't matter except for high physical demand jobs I got out of because at my largest I was 5'2" in. tall and weighed 102#s when I got married and left home at 20.

[Elizabeth86]

4 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Here, have fun. She'll change your life. 😄 

 

 

I’ll check it out. I will say, my mom set a good example, she kept a clean house. HOWEVER her love language is doing every. single. thing. for the people she loves, SO well I never did anything for myself at home.

[Tanaqui]

Well, if by "taught to clean" you mean that I can now easily deep clean a house that's three feet deep in hoarded stuff because the toilet is broken and we don't dare let the plumber in until it looks normal-messy instead of disaster-zone - then yes!

But otherwise, no. Things were pretty bad there for a while.

[Carrie12345]

27 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I don't need pristine grout.  I need to clean Pergo, large flush tiles (no grout between them), and that single layer 80s stuff, not sure what it is called but it's a big thin sheet all over the kitchen floor.  Oh, and, those little tiny 1930s or 40s bathroom tiles, which naturally are pale pink, cream, and gray/green.  That last one is not the big problem though.  The big problem is the other ones.  

Linoleum! I’ve only ever deep cleaned 2 linoleum floors, both my mom’s, both in pretty rough shape. (On the visit I mentioned, and when listing my childhood home for sale in my 20s.) So I can’t speak well to anything but those. In their condition, they needed piping hot water, abrasive cleanser, hands and knees with a scrub brush, touches with a magic eraser, and backbreaking work. Plus mop rinsing. And then a wax coating (there are several brands out there.). 
I would guess the same procedure for regular deep cleaning, but with less elbow grease the more frequently it’s done. 

Pergo should not get saturated. It’s also not advised to use steam, though I did it anyway when we had a different brand of laminate wood. I never felt like mine was 100% clean no matter what I did, so I should shut up.

 I’m fascinated by the concept of tile without grout!  I just spray mop my tile bathroom on a regular basis and hands-and-knees wipe with floor spray and a microfiber cloth once a week or two. Then they get steamed whenever I have water left in my steam machine from other projects. 

[Shoeless]

I wasn't specifically taught how to clean. I figured it out as I went along. 

My mom wasn't really big on direct instruction or really anything that involved effort on her part. The house was clean because my step father cleaned it. When I was old enough, I took over the cleaning. 

I keep thinking that she.must have cleaned something, but I honestly have no memory of her doing it. I remember my stepfather cleaning, but not her. I remember her griping about how hard her childhood was because her mother made her dust the leaves of a big houseplant they had, and how unfair it was that she had to clear the table but her brothers didn't. 

[Carol in Cal.]

26 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

Linoleum! I’ve only ever deep cleaned 2 linoleum floors, both my mom’s, both in pretty rough shape. (On the visit I mentioned, and when listing my childhood home for sale in my 20s.) So I can’t speak well to anything but those. In their condition, they needed piping hot water, abrasive cleanser, hands and knees with a scrub brush, touches with a magic eraser, and backbreaking work. Plus mop rinsing. And then a wax coating (there are several brands out there.). 
I would guess the same procedure for regular deep cleaning, but with less elbow grease the more frequently it’s done. 

Pergo should not get saturated. It’s also not advised to use steam, though I did it anyway when we had a different brand of laminate wood. I never felt like mine was 100% clean no matter what I did, so I should shut up.

 I’m fascinated by the concept of tile without grout!  I just spray mop my tile bathroom on a regular basis and hands-and-knees wipe with floor spray and a microfiber cloth once a week or two. Then they get steamed whenever I have water left in my steam machine from other projects. 

I don't actually think it's linoleum.  I think it's some less vinylish thing that is a little newer and thinner.

What is mop rinsing?

 

Also, what is spray mopping?

 

I'm starting from no clue here.  What equipment, what cleaning solution, how diluted?  Details!  Because I don't know those terms.  🙂

It occurs to me that maybe there is grout, but there are no gaps.  These are for two bathroom floors at our cabin.  The tile feels plasticky--warm like plastic, and a little rough.  Definitely not pergo, but it's big squares.  I think the grout is matching in color and has no gaps or depressions, almost flush with the tiles.  I will look closer the next time I am up there.  I happen to know that those floors were put in in 2013 so they are still pretty new, by my standards.

[Carrie12345]

6 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I don't actually think it's linoleum.  I think it's some less vinylish thing that is a little newer and thinner. Hm. I’m not familiar with thinner.

What is mop rinsing?

Just a bucket of clean (no cleanser) water and clean mop head to wipe up (and repeatedly rinse) the cleaning products left behind.

Also, what is spray mopping?

I use the O-Cedar spray mop. It has a tank to fill with just about anything (my preference is Better Life floor cleaner) and you just pull the trigger to squirt, then push around to mop. It has a removable, washable cover. (I find it detaches itself when trying to move sideways or at too deep of an angle, but I like it anyway because it’s always ready.)

I'm starting from no clue here.  What equipment, what cleaning solution, how diluted?  Details!  Because I don't know those terms.  🙂
Any store bought cleanser will specify what concentration it should be used at. They all vary from straight out of the bottle to just a few drops. But I’d definitely try to identify your surfaces before getting too specialized. Other than the ones I’ve already mentioned (including microfiber cloths... I keep TONS of cheap ones around.), I need to think on my favorite go-to basics. I keep all sorts of doodads that aren’t super duper necessary.
It occurs to me that maybe there is grout, but there are no gaps.  These are for two bathroom floors at our cabin.  The tile feels plasticky--warm like plastic, and a little rough.  Definitely not pergo, but it's big squares.  I think the grout is matching in color and has no gaps or depressions, almost flush with the tiles.  I will look closer the next time I am up there.  I happen to know that those floors were put in in 2013 so they are still pretty new, by my standards.

 

[Carrie12345]

@Carol in Cal. My current background “noise” while doing house stuff is Clean My Space on YouTube. She has YEARS of videos covering everything from the basics to the tedious!

[lmrich]

I was taught a lot about cleaning. More about laundry. AND even more about how to iron properly. I HATE ironing, but I know how to do it. We even ironed handkerchiefs. Seriously. You blew your nose into a beautifully starched handkerchief. 

[regentrude]

22 minutes ago, lmrich said:

 We even ironed handkerchiefs. Seriously. You blew your nose into a beautifully starched handkerchief. 

yep. My grandmother always ironed handkerchiefs. I think part of the reason was also to sanitize. All baby clothes were ironed.

[Tap]

Half and Half I guess. 

My mom's kitchen was cluttered but when she canned, it was pristine. To clean it to prep for canning, meant a deep clean with bleach, and for that I was always happy to help. My parents also prepared thier own game (venison etc), so again, everything was cleaned and handled as hygienically as possible as we preserved and froze the meat.

My parents remodeled and sold 17 houses as I was growing up, so cleaning was always part of that. Including shampooing carpets, cleaning floors with boiling water and bleach. cleaning ovens, the interior of appliances like dishwashers/fridges etc, windows, baseboards and hand railings. 

I am a very visual person, so I learned to clean other things just by looking. I used to keep a very, very clean house, but not so much anymore. DD14 gets agitated when I do much activity around the house, so I don't do as much cleaning as I should.

 

[BusyMom5]

1 hour ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I don't actually think it's linoleum.  I think it's some less vinylish thing that is a little newer and thinner.

What is mop rinsing?

 

Also, what is spray mopping?

 

I'm starting from no clue here.  What equipment, what cleaning solution, how diluted?  Details!  Because I don't know those terms.  🙂

It occurs to me that maybe there is grout, but there are no gaps.  These are for two bathroom floors at our cabin.  The tile feels plasticky--warm like plastic, and a little rough.  Definitely not pergo, but it's big squares.  I think the grout is matching in color and has no gaps or depressions, almost flush with the tiles.  I will look closer the next time I am up there.  I happen to know that those floors were put in in 2013 so they are still pretty new, by my standards.

Is it vinyl tile?  Soft like linoleum,  thicker, but not hard like Pergo?  It was in about 7 years ago.  My parents have some in their house.  Its like tiles that snap together similar to Pergo, but one tile at a time, no grout, and should clean like linoleum.   If it were me, I'd do hot water and Dawn scrubbed by hand first- like when you move in.  Then every week or two you csn use a regular mop with z bucket own warm water with Dawn or your favorite multipurpose cleaner, or a spray mop like a Swiffer.  I would not use any product that leaves a residue. 

If the previous owner did and you have bad build up, you can try to strip with ammonia.  Its a terrible job and I wouldn't do it unless its a last resort on a floor with a lot of build up.  We bought a flip house once- DH and I- and the linoleum was brown and yucky.  I stripped it with ammonia and a LOT of elbow grease.  It was actually a pretty yellow @1970s.  We had thought it had to be replaced, so glad to just need a thorough cleaning!  

[Tap]

32 minutes ago, BusyMom5 said:

Is it vinyl tile?  Soft like linoleum,  thicker, but not hard like Pergo?  It was in about 7 years ago.  My parents have some in their house.  Its like tiles that snap together similar to Pergo, but one tile at a time, no grout, and should clean like linoleum.   If it were me, I'd do hot water and Dawn scrubbed by hand first- like when you move in.  Then every week or two you csn use a regular mop with z bucket own warm water with Dawn or your favorite multipurpose cleaner, or a spray mop like a Swiffer.  I would not use any product that leaves a residue. 

If the previous owner did and you have bad build up, you can try to strip with ammonia.  Its a terrible job and I wouldn't do it unless its a last resort on a floor with a lot of build up.  We bought a flip house once- DH and I- and the linoleum was brown and yucky.  I stripped it with ammonia and a LOT of elbow grease.  It was actually a pretty yellow @1970s.  We had thought it had to be replaced, so glad to just need a thorough cleaning!  

It is amazing how much different linoleum can look with a really good cleaning/stripping and a fresh coat of gloss. Especially floors from the Mop and Glow era!

[Emba]

Sweeping, mopping, dishes, vacuuming, the basics like that, yes. Cleaning bathrooms I learned when my family ran a gas station and I got paid to help out. My dad also taught me (in excruciating detail) how to squeegee windows when we had the station.

 But my mom is not an enthusiastic house keeper. We learned only the basics, not the finer details, or deep cleaning.

 I’m pretty sure I learned seperating laundry in home ec, though I’d been doing my own laundry for several years by then.

 

[SeaConquest]

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

[Rosie_0801]

4 minutes ago, SeaConquest said:

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

Or availability? 
My father taught me to clean the childcare centre, but not home because he mostly wasn't home.
Long commute, second job...

[Bootsie]

My mom primarily took care of indoors and my dad primarily took care of outdoors.  My dad was much better at taking care of indoors than my mom was of doing anything outdoors.  My dad was an avid gardener and did all of the canning that occurred in the house.  My mom complained that there was always a dirty bucket from the garden in the kitchen sink.  My mom was a stay-at-home mother when I was growing up and my sisters are six years and 12 years younger than I am.  She would say that she didn't teach me to clean because I can remember at a young age her complaining that I didn't know how to clean (I never figured out what it was I didn't know) because she spoiled me and never made me do it.  Our house was always neat and clean.  But, my mom seemed to read some article about how to keep house and would get on a big kick that we all needed to wake up at 8:00am on Saturday and share chores.  Then, she would read that everyone should be assigned a room in the house to take care of.  Then, the next article was all the floors should be done on Monday, laundry on Tuesday, dusting on Wednesday, etc and that was what she needed to do.  

I learned things like how to vacuum carpets, but not how to clean hardwood floors--because my mom was so glad to have carpet instead of hardwood floors--no I have mostly the opposite in my own home.  I never learned to clean a fireplace, because we didn't have one.  I didn't learn to clean a microwave, because we didn't have one.  I never learned to wash wool socks because we leaved on the Gulf Coast.  So, the set of skills i learned versus what my routine housekeeping is different

 

[Storygirl]

1 hour ago, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

I haven't contributed to the thread yet, because I just finished reading it. But, my parents were born in the 1930's, so it's not surprising that my mom took care of household chores, and my dad focused on the outdoors and other upkeep tasks.

But my mom taught my brother to clean and cook, along with my sister and me, in the 70s and 80s. I know that my grandmother thought Mom should cater more to Dad than she did, so Mom broke from some of the earlier generation's patterns.

And now my two boys and my two girls have chores divided as equally as possible. And my husband supervises the kids with their chores as often, or more often than I do. DH also does many indoor chores along with me, and in some areas, he does more than I do.

So there has been a lot of progress on chore equality in my own family. Even though I am a SAHM.

[Storygirl]

My mom taught me to do general cleaning, and we had to help with larger, more occasional chores, such as washing windows. But there were still things that I had to figure out on my own, when I lived on my own. I think the same will be true for my kids. There are some tasks that I have not taught them to do, because, to be honest, I am not super great at deep cleaning, and when things such as carpet cleaning happen, it's usually when the kids are at school.

I was not taught how to clean systematically, with a schedule. I'm not good at that, though I have tried various ways to keep up. When I've had my house on the market various times, I have completely scrubbed and polished the house and kept it that way for months on end, so I can do it. But I don't have the ability to sustain that level of housekeeping.

[Hoggirl]

I was not taught how to clean at all. We had a maid when I was growing up. That term is probably not PC these days - idk?? She came four and a half days a week. Like, she was at our house from 9:00 - 4:00 every day but Wednesday.  She left around 1:00 on Wednesdays. I had to laugh on the ironing comments because she even ironed our sheets!  Pajamas, too! 

I have pretty much always had a housekeeper except while I was in college and first out of college until I got married at 25.  That changed when my dh retired, and we did a major downsize. I couldn’t justify a housekeeper for a 935 sq ft condo!  We have since upsized to 1,600 square feet condo.  Even though dh has come out of retirement, I am still cleaning myself. I clean our entire condo once a week. I steam mop our floors every week. I am probably not the best deep cleaner - I mean, I have never washed walls (though I have done baseboards). 

I learned a lot about cleaning during the pandemic by following GoCleanCo on Instagram. 

[Forget-Me-Not]

Yes, I was raised by parents who like things very clean and tidy, especially my mom. My dad basically cleans his garage on a weekly basis too (he also uses it as a shop).
 

I married a man who was not taught  to clean, and when we were first married,  DH just couldn’t see when things were dirty/cluttered. Now that we’ve been married almost 24 yrs, his standards have changed drastically and while he still has a much higher tolerance for dirt and clutter than I do, he likes things clean and he recognizes that dirt and clutter stress me out. 

Edited October 26, 2021 by Forget-Me-Not

[SKL]

2 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

Because my childhood was in the 1960s-1970s.

My dad worked a lot more hours than my mom, physical work in a factory.  Then he did all the fixing and refurbishing around the house and on the cars.  He did all the grocery shopping, some of the cooking, and took the kids for special outings on weekends.  He personally rebuilt our house's foundation, basement floor, sidewalk, driveway, kitchen, and more.  He built rooms in the attic to accommodate the growing family.  He was the person who volunteered at church and, when there were babies at home, Dad was the one who went to the school functions and parent-teacher meetings.

But no, he didn't wash the floors or the dishes.  I'm pretty sure my mom didn't ask him to.

Now if you ask whether we were taught to maintain a car, change a tire, build and refinish furniture, fix appliances/electronics, clear a drain, etc., the answer might be different.

And FTR my dad has done all of the house cleaning for quite a few years, as my mom is less capable physically.  But when we were young, my mom led that activity, yes.

Edited October 26, 2021 by SKL

[Laura Corin]

11 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I’ve asked before, and was told things like ‘Buy this cleaner, dilute it a lot, go over the floor afterwards with a rinsed out mop, that should prevent soap residues.’  Yeah, tried that.  Amazon packed the cleaner with a book.  The cleaner leaked, and the book was ruined.  When I complained they wanted me to send both things back, and then stopped shipping that particular cleaner.  I kind of gave up at that point.

Ready to try again though!  Any thoughts on cleaning linoleum/tile/kitchen or bathroom floors?

When we had good quality vinyl flooring put in, the salesman said to use a couple of drops of washing up liquid in a bucket of warm water. No mention of rinsing. He said many cleaners are too harsh and take the protective surface off. I mop once a week with this kind of mop and bucket 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Vileda-SuperMocio-3Action-Bucket-Blue/dp/B01N0ME209/ref=asc_df_B01N0ME209/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=309817697021&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16096582637814958608&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046861&hvtargid=pla-413493549517&psc=1&th=1&psc=1

[MEmama]

16 hours ago, Clarita said:

 

As for grout cleaning just remodel the bathroom to eliminate grout (big slabs everywhere). I don't know how to clean grout. 

This is the only solution I’m coming up with for our main bath.

A few years ago we replaced the sticky, painted(!!!) tile floor in our half bath to solid faux wood. I love it beyond my wildest dreams. No grout! But I don’t think wood is the best solution for the upstairs bath. As it is, the tiles are teeny tiny (1950’s) so there’s endless grout, all of it gross and stubborn. I’ve even taken straight bleach to it and nearly asphyxiated myself to no avail. If we do have to remodel it will be the entire bath—so a big job, and covid is not the time.
 

Anyone have grout wizardry I haven’t tried yet?

[MEmama]

9 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

Agree, but I guess most of us are products of an era where the overarching expectation was that it was the woman’s responsibility—even if she worked outside the home.

I would love to think my own family is more enlightened, but honestly it still works that way in my home. DH is “willing to help” but of course the underlying message there is that it’s still my job.It’s been that way for nearly 30 years together; I wish I had had the language to address it more forcefully when we were just starting out before we were married. 
 

DS grew up never seeing DH clean, which to me is an unfortunate failure. We had some good conversations about it before he left for university, and he assured me he would YouTube how to clean a toilet (natch—learning the modern way! Lol). His views on gender aren't at all the same as what I grew up with (gen x) in any way, which to me is a huge positive. If he ends up with a life partner I don’t expect his household to resemble mine in any way. Progress is being made, even if it wasn't modeled in the ways I would have preferred. 🙂 

[Pawz4me]

10 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

You may be reading too much into some of the replies.

If someone asked my sons if they learned to clean they'd say I taught them everything they know, or maybe that I didn't teach them enough. They'd put it on me. And I assure you it's not due to patriarchy. My DH is the least patriarchal person you can imagine. But cleaning is not one of the stronger things in his set of skills. OTOH cleaning for me is like breathing. It comes so easily and naturally that I don't fully understand why someone would need to be taught how to do it. So for us what might look like patriarchy to an outsider is really just a smart and efficient use of individual skills and abilities. Should we have a different, less efficient, division of labor simply to not appear patriarchal? That doesn't make much sense to me.

FWIW, we have a neighbor couple who are probably in their early 60's. No children, both have full time jobs. They have a reverse division of labor. She does all the outside work, he does the inside. They don't do it to send some sort of message to anyone as far as I can tell, but simply because they're doing what each one enjoys and is good at.

[HS Mom in NC]

10 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

Well, yes, of course. How could it be otherwise? Many of us are old enough to have had a stay at home mom and a work at the office dad/step-dad if we had 2 adults in the home. Don't be surprised by traditional roles for adults who parented their kids in the 60s-early 70s when laws about women's rights were in the process of just being newly recognized. Yes, we've made progress, but it's important to have realistic expectations of people like our mothers who hadn't been modeled equality in their formative years, much less even had it discussed until their late teens to early 20s, and didn't have social and legal support until later. 

My mother (born in 1945) was an at home mom until I (the youngest, born in 1973) was in Jr. High. She did expect my 3 brothers ( 11months-9 years older than me) to do equal share of the housework and cooking in addition to yard work and farm stuff.  She also taught each of them in Jr. High to bake a pie of their choosing from scratch so they, as she explained, "...wouldn't be useless at holidays." She often answered their "Why do I have to __________?" with, "Because your future wife isn't going to want to do it for you and neither do I."

My step-dad, (born 1943)  who single parented my 2 oldest brothers from preschoolers-ages 11 and 12 taught them some and did everything himself. When people fawned over him with, "It's just so amazing that you're raising your boys yourself!" He always responded with, "Would have said the same thing it I were a woman?" When he married my mom, she became a stay at home mom with 4 kids in school all day, so she had more time for that than he did with his hour commute each way and working the night shift.

I agree that in general, boys are still badly raised. Their mommies aren't teaching them explicitly to cook and clean in their K-12 years, so how will they teach their own kids to do it when they haven't been expected to do it? That's how you bridge the gap. 2 of my 3 brothers have kids and have taught the them cleaning and cooking skills.  One brother didn't  do nearly as much teaching his kids because his now ex-wife was overly controlling and couldn't tolerate anyone doing anything a different way than she wanted it done, so he had to back off to minimize the rapidly rising levels of conflict in his home.

My oldest daughter was a labor and postpartum doula who sees the results of the infantlization of males in our society up close.  Its' astonishing how few adult males of any generation can keep a household running when the wife has a baby.  And I'm not talking about doing it awkwardly, I'm talking about not.at.all.  It's no wonder so many women have such low opinions their mothers-in-law; the MILs did everything for their boys.  My MIL didn't teach my husband to do any of that in childhood, but my husband lived alone as an adult for 6 years before we married and constantly called her for advice on how to do things when he first moved out. Not every man makes up for his parents' failings by taking responsibility like that.

[Bootsie]

12 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

My mom did most of the cleaning inside our home, the majority of the cooking, and the majority of the shopping, and the majority of laundry. I didn't choose her lifestyle, but one of the reasons I didn't choose it was because it appeared very lopsided to me.  My father went to work, cared for the cars (which at that time meant changing oil, belts, and lots of other general maintenance), paid the bills, did the taxes, gardened, canned, drove me to the majority of my doctors/dentists/orthodontist appointments, helped his mother-in-law with many tasks, was volunteer-of-the year for many of my extracurricular activites, sewed the ribbons on my ballet shoes, baked the desserts for a 500-person banquet for a non-profit....  

If my mom had an activity or was ill, my dad could take over all the househould tasks just fine.  If my dad was working late my mother's mother came to help my mom out.   When I asked my mom to keep DD at 3 years old for a night or two while DH was having surgery she went crazy--she didn't know if she could care for a 3-year old by herself.  I reminded her that she was the mother of 3 children.  Her response was "but the few times your dad wasn't there in the evening, Grandma came to help."  

I didn't have brothers, so I didn't experience different expectations or training of children in the household.  While the division of labor may have fallen along some traditional lines in my childhood home it was far from an assumption that it was a woman's responsibility to clean and to teach people to clean.  

[Laura Corin]

13 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

My parents were born in the 20s and 30s. Fathers went out to work. Mothers were told by their companies to quit.  My mother rejected the household tasks. But she didn't work outside the home.

[Carrie12345]

13 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

I'm sorry that my lack of paternal figure irks you. 😆

[SKL]

And FTR my mom taught all of us, male and female, how to clean and cook, as my dad taught all of us various traditionally guy things.

My brothers take various levels of lead on housework in their homes.  One of them is definitely the lead housekeeper as his wife has approximately zero interest.  All three of them are either the main cook or co-cook.  It has nothing to do with patriarchy.

In my house, there are no men.  So if anyone asks my girls if they were taught to clean, they will refer to what their mom taught them.  There are quite a few people raised without a father who was present during house cleaning times.  Far fewer raised without a resident mom.  So that is another reason many women were taught by their moms.

[PeterPan]

23 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Ready to try again though!  Any thoughts on cleaning linoleum/tile/kitchen or bathroom floors?

Cleaning is overrated. Start with dirt prevention. Put rugs in your entry way, remove shoes, keep the dirt out. Then you have less to clean. 

My boys are *very* dirty individuals, so you wouldn't believe the number of washable rugs they cross before coming into my house space. One in the garage, one in the breezeway, one in the mudroom as they enter, and another (3') rug at the door as they go from the mudroom into the house. That's at least 4 washable rugs they're on. And they're told to take their boots of, which they don't always do (grr). I'd much rather wash throw rugs than tile. The one in the garage is a berber carpet remnant taped down, nothing fancy, but it does the trick. You have to keep the dirt out.

My favorite way to find cleaning tools is to go to Lowes/Home Depot and gawk. What I've done for years is use microfiber cloths out of the automotive section of Target/Walmart. They're fluffy, cheap, and work great with just water. Because I focus on keeping OUT the dirt, it's not that hard to mop. However now I'm getting older (haha), so I'm not so keen on the on the floor thing. I still do that in my small mud bath, small spaces, but now I have a Bissell device that both vacs and mops (adore, someone on here mentioned it) and a snazzy rubbermaid ringable microfiber mop that I like (Lowes). I tend to use just water. I've been using Murphy's Oil in the Bissell and I'm not sure that's the right call. It gets clean, but I think they say it leaves a film. I should try the Mr. Clean @Pawz4me mentioned. I just need something fragrance free. 

https://www.bissell.com/steam-and-hard-floor-cleaners/wet-dry-vacuums/crosswave  Here's the Bissell crosswave. I like it because you can keep the washing device clean, no smearing with a used pad. Down side is it's noisy. But it does clean well, definitely. You can use it on hardwood too. I just tend to wipe behind when I do that. It both lets me check that my floor is actually CLEAN (hello, dirt on the towel) and makes it shine.  😄 

[PeterPan]

14 hours ago, Storygirl said:

But I don't have the ability to sustain that level of housekeeping.

Just think, in a few years all your kids will be gone and you will have so much free time to clean... I know, I know. Every time I feel like I'm failing, I think how fleeting it is. The catch-22. 

[PeterPan]

22 hours ago, DreamerGirl said:

As for the mopping, we have the Braava, Roomba's mopping sibling.

Ok, talk to me about this. For as much as I love my Roomba, I've never tried the Braava. I had this faint suspicion that using a single pad would cause it to tend to *smear* dirt. What is the work around with that? Or is that a sign (ouch) that I'm letting things go too long? Are you basically running it more often so a single pad *can* get everything tolerably clean? Or you just look the other way?

I have not yet submitted my Christmas list to the men. This could go on if it would be life-altering. Is it unusually slow or loud or anything else weird?

[SeaConquest]

2 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

I'm sorry that my lack of paternal figure irks you. 😆

Irks me? 

I think I was pretty clear, "The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad."

Almost every post started from the assumption that it was a mother's job to teach a kid how to clean. The fact that no one was even questioning that assumption was shocking to me, and telling re how firmly rooted gender roles remain in our culture, IMO. None of that was about you specifically, or your lack of a paternal figure. It was a general comment. 

[Anne Elliot]

Nope. We had a series of live in maids when I was young. Learning how to manage a household has been a long, painful process. 🙄

[math teacher]

I haven't read the other replies, but I was not taught how to clean. I learned from reading Good Housekeeping and Ladies Home Journal. Probably some others, but those two stand out. My mother still does not clean beyond the very basic.

[SKL]

2 hours ago, SeaConquest said:

Irks me? 

I think I was pretty clear, "The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad."

Almost every post started from the assumption that it was a mother's job to teach a kid how to clean. The fact that no one was even questioning that assumption was shocking to me, and telling re how firmly rooted gender roles remain in our culture, IMO. None of that was about you specifically, or your lack of a paternal figure. It was a general comment. 

This is a function of how life was when our parents were young.  It does not mean things are the same today.  If you ask my brothers this question, they will say the same thing I did.  My generation has a much higher level of equality not because of who did the teaching, but because of who was taught.  So then if you ask my nephew whether he was taught to clean, he will say “my dad ____.”

I don’t think it’s sad that the parent who knew best how to clean was the one who taught the sons and daughters to clean in the mid to late 20th century.

[DreamerGirl]

4 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Ok, talk to me about this. For as much as I love my Roomba, I've never tried the Braava. I had this faint suspicion that using a single pad would cause it to tend to *smear* dirt. What is the work around with that? Or is that a sign (ouch) that I'm letting things go too long? Are you basically running it more often so a single pad *can* get everything tolerably clean? Or you just look the other way?

Tolerable. No one has time or inclination to have a floor you can eat off or operate on as the case was in my childhood home. 

The Roomba does a good job, well excellent really. It is run every single day on a schedule, twice downstairs so it keeps up with the mess. Once a week, well more if I am honest someone will run a duster on the fans, a duster along the baseboards and generally dust. It is not done on one day, no one has inclination for that. But doing so regularly keeps a clean house. A tidy house because "the Roomba may eat things" keeps things off the floor. The upstairs Roomba runs once a day. DH had a nest multiple cables running haphazard in his office and he initially said he would clean his office himself, but sanity prevailed and now the Roomba is allowed once a day.

The Bravaa runs alternate days, well let me say more like 3 days or even more. We use two pads for 1700 plus Sq feet of downstairs tile. It runs more in the kitchen and dining area, say thrice a week we use one pad.  The rest of the downstairs is I will say maybe even once a week, if we are diligent twice a week. But not really necessary I think because the Roomba picks up a lot of the stuff.

I do not lug around things especially upstairs. The Bravaa has been upstairs twice. It shall have an upstairs twin soon if I have my way, but we are not really fussy about moping upstairs. Never were. We have wood there. 

I sweep the stairs, no mopping.

4 hours ago, PeterPan said:

I have not yet submitted my Christmas list to the men. This could go on if it would be life-altering. Is it unusually slow or loud or anything else weird?

Life altering for me. I was a hand sweeping, mopping kind of person. I hated vacuuming, I am not even sure I know how to do properly. I felt I had more control with the broom and mop. Now, I am a convert. Little robots that magically clean by themselves on schedule are my favorite now. 

As for slow or loud, I am not really sure, I am so happy not to sweep or mop, it could move like a turtle and I would still love it.

Probably TMI and more than you want to know, but Christmas list submission is highly recommended. I might add Bravaa 2 to my list.  In my world little robots that sweep and mop are worth more than diamonds. 

[cjzimmer1]

Growing up, cleaning entailed running around like chickens with their heads cut off, in the hours preceding a visitor arriving at the house.  Things were chucked wherever they weren't visible.  Whatever remained when the visitor was about to arrived was "cleaned" by drapping bath towels (that were often very dinging white) across it.  

Teacher visits (back when teachers visited the homes of each student just before school started) because our counters were always covered with bath towels.  Like no one could tell there was mounds of stuff hiding under there.

I'm not a great house keeper by any means and yes there is more yelling and running around prior to a visitor than I care to admit but my saving grace has been I have never tried to "hide" my mess under bath towels.

Edited October 27, 2021 by cjzimmer1

[KungFuPanda]

@Carol in CA  Try not to worry too much.  It isn't that hard  You just have to get used to all of the little tasks.  Have you read the Sidetracked Home Executives book?  It might help you starting from absolute confusion about where to start learning to clean your home.  Also, there are tons of basic videos on youtube, if you're a person who likes to SEE what people are talking about.  For cleaning floors, it helps to use a cleaner that doesn't have to be rinsed.  I like Mr. Clean, but you can use ammonia, vinegar, another brand of cleaner, anything you want. You need a bucket and a mop.  (Life is easier if you get a mop you can wring without touching the strings.) The bottle will tell you the water to cleaner ratio to dilute the cleaner.  Sweep (or vacuum) the floor first, then dip a mop in the bucked, ring it out well, and wipe down the floor with it.  You won't have to rinse, but if it's been a while since you cleaned your floors, you may want to go over it again with a fresh bucket of diluted cleaner, or just a bucket of water.  

A couple times a year, I actually get down on my hands and knees and scrub using both a bucket of cleaner (scrub up all the dirt) and a fresh rinse bucket (plain hot water and an old cloth).  It takes care of the stuff I miss when mopping.  It's like detailing your floors.  It's not necessary to your life, but it looks so nice when it's done and it makes me happy. 

My brother actually cleans better than I do, so I'm not sure I completely buy the patriarchy argument.  You have the power to opt out of that attitude. You can also hire a cleaning service to come in once a week, or once every other week, and do all these little jobs you just don't know how/want to do.  You might be happier working a few extra hours a week to pay for the cleaner to do this stuff.  The whole goal of the book I linked above is to make your home as clean as it would be if you hired a service.  It's not surgically clean . . . or clean by military or OCD standards, but it's a nice and achievable goal that won't take over your life.  It also helps you schedule the jobs based upon how long they actually take, and not how long your imagination believes they take.

[73349]

On 10/25/2021 at 10:24 PM, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

I think my dad is actually better at cleaning, but my mom is who I lived with. 🤷‍♀️

I don't think DS will have an especially high skill level at cleaning and organizing, but at least he will be in the habit of doing it.

[Lady Florida.]

Yes. My mom was a single working mother so I had to take over much of the housework, cooking, and babysitting at a young age. I was vacuuming with a freaking Kirby when I was 9 years old! Do you know how heavy those old monsters were??!! Many of the babysitters we had when my mother worked nights (she was a server) couldn't cook so I often made dinner for my brother and me. We walked home from school together and if my mother was working a day shift I was in charge of us until she got home.

Back to actual cleaning - Even with her work schedule she took the time to show me how to clean. She was one of those people who felt that the right way to do something was her way so I learned detailed cleaning according to her specs. I admit to having relaxed some of them once I was out of the house. 

She was an expert fitted sheet folder and I laugh when I see memes about folding fitted sheets. To me it's not hard at all, thanks to my mother's instruction and constant supervision until I got it right.

[Red Dove]

I was taught how to clean.  My mother is very meticulous about cleaning.  I don’t have the same high standards that she does, but I enjoy cleaning and keep the house generally clean.  

I bought a book a couple years ago called “Is There Life After Housework?” By Don Aslett.  It is a how-to book on cleaning the house.  The author owned his own cleaning business.  The book is so informative and entertaining that I am reading the book again right now. 

[Melissa in Australia]

On 10/26/2021 at 1:24 PM, SeaConquest said:

The fact that almost every one of these posts mentions people's moms makes me sad.

Why is it a woman's responsibility to clean? And to teach people how to clean? Just... no.

The whole thread just reeks of the patriarchy.

 

my father worked from 6 am to 7 pm came home, ate tea (dinner) and then helped rock babies to sleep. He didn't have time to clean the house , he was working a  hard physical job to keep food on the plates

Edited November 2, 2021 by Melissa in Australia