Just a silly question about my boys

[DawnM]

I have always had 3 boys.  On places like this forum, I would refer to them as oldest, middle, and youngest.   I now have a 4th.  

Hmmm......Son #1, Son #2, #3, and #4?  Oldest, next to oldest, next to youngest, youngest?

Those of you with 4, what do you do?   

Obviously, this isn't for people who know your kids and you can use their names.

[gardenmom5]

5 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I have always had 3 boys.  On places like this forum, I would refer to them as oldest, middle, and youngest.   I now have a 4th.  

Hmmm......Son #1, Son #2, #3, and #4?  Oldest, next to oldest, next to youngest, youngest?

Those of you with 4, what do you do?   

Obviously, this isn't for people who know your kids and you can use their names.

1ds, 2ds, dudeling (because he was too little to be  a dude.  though he's 15 this year.)

I also have two girls.  1dd, 2dd.

[Slache]

I had a boy, a girl and a baby, but accidentally got pregnant. I wanted to do the boy, the girl, the baby and the mistake, but DH said no.

[wathe]

Probably DS1, DS2, DS3, DS4.

But, you could come up with a famous foursome set of nicknames:

Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde (pacman)

Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello (teenage mutant ninja turtles)

Porthos, Athos, Aramis, D'Artagnan

I'm sure you could come up with something better, that maybe suits their personalities?

 

ETA - I don't have 4.  Just speculating 🙂

Edited May 26, 2020 by wathe

[Selkie]

You could use their ages - I call my boys ds21 and ds19.

[Ailaena]

Oldest, middle, younger, bonus.  And then your next one would be Extra. The 6th would be “OM” for One More.  Congrats!

[Ausmumof3]

17 minutes ago, wathe said:

Probably DS1, DS2, DS3, DS4.

But, you could come up with a famous foursome set of nicknames:

Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde (pacman)

Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello (teenage mutant ninja turtles)

Porthos, Athos, Aramis, D'Artagnan

I'm sure you could come up with something better, that maybe suits their personalities?

 

ETA - I don't have 4.  Just speculating 🙂

Oh I love using the musketeers!

[Tap]

I do ages (like DD13) because it helps to keep the information relevant.  Especially when topics get brought up from the past, it is nice to know the age of the person being mentioned.  

Edited May 27, 2020 by Tap

[Tanaqui]

If they have different initials you can use those - A, B, C, D.

Or you could ask them each to pick their own nicknames.

[Carrie12345]

I find it easiest to use ages, even with 3 boys (and 2 girls in there.)

My challenge is that they were born boy, girl, girl, boy, boy, and the oldest has been out of the house for several years.  Even in real life, they’ve ALWAYS been labeled First Kid’s Actual Name, The Girls, and, for most of their lives, The Little Boys.  But the oldest of The Little Boys is 13 now. The oldest isn’t in most of our day to day interactions, but it feels weird to use just “the boys” when it doesn’t include him.

Even with the two girls, it often feels weird to use older/younger when they’re just a year apart.

I DID intentionally give the all their own first initial, so that’s usable in smaller groups, messages, texts, etc., but I don’t find it as useful in very large groups where it can be hard to keep some posters straight.

Age just makes the most sense to me and gives a good amount of context for the reader.

[Condessa]

8 hours ago, Slache said:

I had a boy, a girl and a baby, but accidentally got pregnant. I wanted to do the boy, the girl, the baby and the mistake, but DH said no.

 

My mom’s parents planned on a boy and a girl—she always says they got their boy, their girl, their surprise, and their shock (who are eight and 15 years younger than my mom).

[RootAnn]

I'd give him his own title since he's a chosen, special addition to your family.

[This isn't a bonus bioligical baby.]

Edited May 26, 2020 by RootAnn

[Noreen Claire]

I have five boys, and I refer to them (here) by their ages: DS24, DS11, DS8, DS6, and DS3. In other places, they are the Manchild and the Noisemakers. 😆

[ktgrok]

10 hours ago, DawnM said:

I have always had 3 boys.  On places like this forum, I would refer to them as oldest, middle, and youngest.   I now have a 4th.  

Hmmm......Son #1, Son #2, #3, and #4?  Oldest, next to oldest, next to youngest, youngest?

Those of you with 4, what do you do?   

Obviously, this isn't for people who know your kids and you can use their names.

The youngest becomes "the baby"

[ktgrok]

3 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

I find it easiest to use ages, even with 3 boys (and 2 girls in there.)

My challenge is that they were born boy, girl, girl, boy, boy, and the oldest has been out of the house for several years.  Even in real life, they’ve ALWAYS been labeled First Kid’s Actual Name, The Girls, and, for most of their lives, The Little Boys.  But the oldest of The Little Boys is 13 now. The oldest isn’t in most of our day to day interactions, but it feels weird to use just “the boys” when it doesn’t include him.

Even with the two girls, it often feels weird to use older/younger when they’re just a year apart.

I DID intentionally give the all their own first initial, so that’s usable in smaller groups, messages, texts, etc., but I don’t find it as useful in very large groups where it can be hard to keep some posters straight.

Age just makes the most sense to me and gives a good amount of context for the reader.

Realisticly, this is what we do. With people who know names, but I'm not using names, I refer to the younger three as "the kids", since my oldest is 10 years older than the next oldest. So I have "adult son" or "twenty year old" (dear heavens, his 21st birthday is in two months!), "the kids" which includes all 3 younger ones, "the big kids" which is just the two middles, and "the baby" which is the now 3 yr old. 

In truth, I often still refer to the 20 year old as "my teenager" because I'm slow to change, lol. 

[Kassia]

I have 4 kids and my middle 2 are twins.  So I can't use their ages and I can't say middle or #2!  😛

 

 

[Scarlett]

10 hours ago, Selkie said:

You could use their ages - I call my boys ds21 and ds19.

This is what I do.  It also helps us here on the other side of the computer screen keep up with their  ages which is sometimes pertinent info in a discussion. 

[TheReader]

10 hours ago, Selkie said:

You could use their ages - I call my boys ds21 and ds19.

this is what I do, too. DS22, DS19, DS15....I promise I don't have 22 children 😉 Or only talk about #s 15, 19, and 22. 

[Momto6inIN]

We had 4 kids, then a surprise, then a shock at age 45 🤣

When there were only 4 and the first 2 were boys and the last 2 were girls, it was easy: the boys and the girls.

When the surprise happened, the older 3 (boy, boy, girl) became the big kids and the next 2 (girl, girl) became the little kids.

When the 3 oldest were all teens, it became the teenagers and the little girls

When the shock happened, we just added her on as the baby. I still call the older 3 the teenagers even though the oldest is 20 and I still call the 12 and 8 year old the little girls even though the 12 year old really isn't. I'll probably call the shock the baby for the rest of her life 🤣

Edited May 26, 2020 by Momto6inIN
Eta but on the forums they are DS20, DS18, DD16, DD12, DD8, and DD1 just for clarity

[DawnM]

12 hours ago, RootAnn said:

I'd give him his own title since he's a chosen, special addition to your family.

[This isn't a bonus bioligical baby.]

 

Except 16 year old was a chosen, special addition too.  Only my oldest 2 are bio.

[DawnM]

21 hours ago, Slache said:

I had a boy, a girl and a baby, but accidentally got pregnant. I wanted to do the boy, the girl, the baby and the mistake, but DH said no.

 

My uncle was married and had 3 kids.  His wife died in her 40s and he remarried.  He had what he called an OOPS at age 50+.  He told his wife he wanted to name her Olivia Olga Penelope Smith so her initials could spell OOPS!

Their last name isn't Smith, but it does start with an S

[RootAnn]

8 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Except 16 year old was a chosen, special addition too.  Only my oldest 2 are bio.

You are a good person. I still think you could give him his own title & keep the others as oldest, middle, younger (instead if youngest) since that's how you've been doing it. Just an idea.

[gardenmom5]

21 hours ago, Slache said:

I had a boy, a girl and a baby, but accidentally got pregnant. I wanted to do the boy, the girl, the baby and the mistake, but DH said no.

I agree with your dh.  (I was a "third", and got that message while growing  up.)

You can go with the caboose. - 

I have Valentine and Ender (from Ender's Game) - they have a lot in common with them.  (Valentine also still calls herself "the baby" when it's just the three of us.  And dudeling goes to being "the caboose".)

Potion's Master

not everyone has good nicknames . . . But those are ones that came up because they really just fit.
"

[Slache]

8 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

I agree with your dh.  (I was a "third", and got that message while growing  up.)

I don't see a stigma with a mistake though. I'm not going to love this one any less just because he's a mistake. He's perfect.

[gardenmom5]

2 minutes ago, Slache said:

I don't see a stigma with a mistake though. I'm not going to love this one any less just because he's a mistake. He's perfect.

it's calling him a mistake.  Other people take that to be a stigma.  He  will hear how others use it, then he will hear you use it - doesn't matter if it means something else to you. An introspective child will be left - at best - confused.  

 

 

[mom2scouts]

We have lots of boys and we have often called them Son #1, Son #2, Son #3, etc.

[Moonhawk]

1 Fish, 2 Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish !

 

(Or you could be boring like me and do DD11, DS9, DS6, DD3.  But I want to inspire you to greatness!)

Edited May 27, 2020 by Moonhawk

[Moonhawk]

3 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

I agree with your dh.  (I was a "third", and got that message while growing  up.)

2 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

it's calling him a mistake.  Other people take that to be a stigma.  He  will hear how others use it, then he will hear you use it - doesn't matter if it means something else to you. An introspective child will be left - at best - confused. 

I remember when I was 18, the woman I was doing odd jobs for found out my sisters were 16 and 18 years older than me.  She said immediately and without thought, "Oh, so you were just an accident." I, shocked, replied, "No, I was a miracle." She did apologize.

I think if a family atmosphere fosters love and joking, being called a mistake can just be an inside joke of sorts, and not have negative effect on the child. In some ways acknowledging the gap can take the venom out of it later if people try to bring it up. But outside of the family sometimes people take those types of labels seriously and act differently because of it. And different children are, well, different. 

Regardless, every child should feel like a complete and wanted member of the family. I feel for you that your experience was less than what you deserved.

[rebcoola]

We jokingly,  not in the kids presence, calm them whoops, might as well and oh sh*t.    

Edited May 27, 2020 by rebcoola

[gardenmom5]

3 hours ago, Moonhawk said:

I remember when I was 18, the woman I was doing odd jobs for found out my sisters were 16 and 18 years older than me.  She said immediately and without thought, "Oh, so you were just an accident." I, shocked, replied, "No, I was a miracle." She did apologize.

I think if a family atmosphere fosters love and joking, being called a mistake can just be an inside joke of sorts, and not have negative effect on the child. In some ways acknowledging the gap can take the venom out of it later if people try to bring it up. But outside of the family sometimes people take those types of labels seriously and act differently because of it. And different children are, well, different. 

Regardless, every child should feel like a complete and wanted member of the family. I feel for you that your experience was less than what you deserved.

There are 22 years between 1dd and dudeling.  the comments from strangers started when I was pregnant.  It gets REALLY tiresome having to shut it down all. the. time.

Even people I assumed would be supportive "I'm glad it's you and not me" - yeah, I'm glad it's me and not you too.    I've even had comments from pediatric nurses. .  . . . .  .

ALL of my kids have been mistaken for his parent at one time or another.  1dd still does whenever he's out with her.  It's common for people to assume we're the grandparents.

I'm not going to do anything to add to that by even jokingly referring to him as a "mistake/accident".   let along a stranger do so in my presence.

 

[LMD]

On 5/26/2020 at 1:05 PM, Slache said:

I had a boy, a girl and a baby, but accidentally got pregnant. I wanted to do the boy, the girl, the baby and the mistake, but DH said no.

 

Boy, girl, baby, bonus! 

[klmama]

Refer to them by age,  if you are comfortable sharing that (ds19, ds16, ds15, ds13) or just by birth order (Ds1, ds2, ds3, ds4).  

[J-rap]

Oldest, second oldest, second from the bottom, youngest.  Or something like that.  🙂 

[DawnM]

6 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

There are 22 years between 1dd and dudeling.  the comments from strangers started when I was pregnant.  It gets REALLY tiresome having to shut it down all. the. time.

Even people I assumed would be supportive "I'm glad it's you and not me" - yeah, I'm glad it's me and not you too.    I've even had comments from pediatric nurses. .  . . . .  .

ALL of my kids have been mistaken for his parent at one time or another.  1dd still does whenever he's out with her.  It's common for people to assume we're the grandparents.

I'm not going to do anything to add to that by even jokingly referring to him as a "mistake/accident".   let along a stranger do so in my presence.

 

 

I am getting comments like, "I couldn't do it". I keep thinking, yeah, yeah you could and you would if your family member had a child who would go into random foster homes if you didn't step in.  

[Momto6inIN]

9 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

Even people I assumed would be supportive "I'm glad it's you and not me" - yeah, I'm glad it's me and not you too. 

My standard response to this is a big fake smile and an enthusiastic, "Me too!!!!"

[Noreen Claire]

13 hours ago, Moonhawk said:

I remember when I was 18, the woman I was doing odd jobs for found out my sisters were 16 and 18 years older than me.  She said immediately and without thought, "Oh, so you were just an accident." I, shocked, replied, "No, I was a miracle." She did apologize.

I think if a family atmosphere fosters love and joking, being called a mistake can just be an inside joke of sorts, and not have negative effect on the child. In some ways acknowledging the gap can take the venom out of it later if people try to bring it up. But outside of the family sometimes people take those types of labels seriously and act differently because of it. And different children are, well, different. 

Regardless, every child should feel like a complete and wanted member of the family. I feel for you that your experience was less than what you deserved.

I often have complete strangers remark about how I have "two separate families". It takes everything I have to not respond with ALL THE PROFANITIES. 🤬🤬🤬

[Slache]

Y'all are so nice. I would respond so differently.

"I'm glad it's you and not me." "Me too, since apparently you're not capable of loving anymore."

"You have two separate families." "Yeah, it's too bad I couldn't have a real family like you."

I often get "We just couldn't adopt because we want our kids to be... you know... like us," and I always come back with "Oh. Well, I would love my children even if they didn't look like me."

I'm so bitter.

[gstharr]

If your family gets any bigger, this might come in handy: https://www.etsy.com/listing/768880739/thing-1-thing-2-thing-3-thing-svg-thing?ref=reviews