Would you do something?

[DawnM]

I am just irritated.  My son has a friend whose father is a police officer.  The oldest son in the family deals marijuana and lives in the home.  He keep offering to sell it to my son.  The friend (younger brother of the "dealer") has now started using it. 

At this point we are not allowing my son to go over there at all.  The friend can come here but with all the garbage going on over there, dad being gone a lot and overly permissive and thinking an 18 and 15 year old doing pot is no big deal, and 18 year old with backpacks full of it and scales to clearly weigh and openly sell, my son isn't going over there.

Would you call the dad's precinct and report it?  I have been contemplating it for a while now but I am just fed up at this point.  Dad does other stuff we don't approve of, although most of it isn't illegal, just immoral.  If you want details on that I can give it, but I wanted to focus on the illegal part first.

I don't usually air our "junk" in public, but I could use some guidance here.

[QueenCat]

Would the dad be able to figure out it was you who turned his son in? Or would the son? Would there be retribution? 

[HomeAgain]

I am going to take the dad out of the equation and focus on the kids.  No, I don't think I would turn in a pot dealer.  I wouldn't let my kids go there, and I'd actively try to keep my family from them because we deal with things like security clearances, but I'm on the fence when it comes to the severity of pot.  It's legal to use in my state, but not to sell.  And I don't see the drug as that bad of a thing.  I honestly wouldn't care all that much on a personal level what those kids were doing.  With other drugs I wouldn't hesitate to call the precinct.

[regentrude]

37 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

 No, I don't think I would turn in a pot dealer.  I wouldn't let my kids go there, and I'd actively try to keep my family from them because we deal with things like security clearances, but I'm on the fence when it comes to the severity of pot.  It's legal to use in my state, but not to sell.  And I don't see the drug as that bad of a thing.  I honestly wouldn't care all that much on a personal level what those kids were doing.  With other drugs I wouldn't hesitate to call the precinct.

Agreeing. I wouldn't call the cops on a  pot dealer either.

I'd impress on my kids the negative legal consequences of partaking if that is illegal in your state (it is in mine). But I do not think dealing pot makes the young man a bad person who will necessarily be a horrible influence. (Just to be clear: I don't consume.)

ETA: It would make a difference to me how pushy the guy is. Offering my kid once? Not a problem for me. Not taking no for an answer and insisting? Then we'll have a talk. But my kids experiences were that their "no" was always respected.

Edited October 30, 2019 by regentrude

[maize]

A police officer turning a blind eye to illegal activity within their own home is a problem.

Marijuana is not harmless to developing adolescent brains; evidence continues to mount that it produces long term negative effects when used during adolescence. Sort of the way lead exposure in childhood or adolescence can result in life-long detriment. Messing with the development of a young brain is not a minor thing, and a kid who is dealing and encouraging other teens to use a substance that can impair their brain development is not doing something harmless.

Yes I would report.

Articles below offer a sampling of research into the impact of pot on teen brains; it's an ongoing area of research of course and not all studies agree with each other, but I see nothing reassuring about current findings.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-pot-really-does-to-the-teen-brain/

https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/legal-pot/even-little-marijuana-may-change-teen-brain-study-finds-n958536

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/kids-health/marijuana-may-be-worse-teen-brains-alcohol-study-finds-n916296?icid=related

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/what-are-marijuanas-long-term-effects-brain

Edited October 30, 2019 by maize

[Lanny]

Disturbing, since the father is an LEO and apparently extremely permissive with his children. If you can report that in an anonymous way, for example, to the Narcotics officers, by phone. Preferably not the phones that you normally use...  Give them the name and address of the boy involved if you think there will be no retribution against you or your family.  I would probably not mention the boys father, the LEO if you do that.

[fairfarmhand]

Also, modern strains of pot are much more potent than they were decades ago so it is much more likely to cause harm. I don’t see it as harmless.

https://www.drugfreeworld.org/course/lesson/the-truth-about-marijuana/it-s-background.html

[TheReader]

That's a tough one, because normally, I'd say "talk to the parent" but in this case, the parent is aware and ignoring it, and that's part of the issue. 

Probably if I could figure out an anonymous way to report it, yes, I would. It's sticky, though.....what an uncomfortable situation. 

[DawnM]

Dad stopped speaking to me around April when I confronted him on several things, not just the pot.  And by confronted, I mean I was actually really nice about it.  There is way more to the story, as the kids seem to be pawns in a nasty divorce situation and it has been going on for 2 years, but, I do still talk to Mom.  Mom has her own brand of crazy, but I attribute some of her mess to the overall mess.

Dad is also getting 2/3 off his rent to be the security officer for the entire apartment complex while his 18 year old is dealing out of said apartment.  

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, DawnM said:

Dad stopped speaking to me around April when I confronted him on several things, not just the pot.  And by confronted, I mean I was actually really nice about it.  There is way more to the story, as the kids seem to be pawns in a nasty divorce situation and it has been going on for 2 years, but, I do still talk to Mom.  Mom has her own brand of crazy, but I attribute some of her mess to the overall mess.

Dad is also getting 2/3 off his rent to be the security officer for the entire apartment complex while his 18 year old is dealing out of said apartment.  

Yikes.  What a tough situation you are in.  On the one hand the LE father should not get away with allowing this.  On the other ha d he is providing a home for them which might be in jeopardy if he is reported.  On the other hand they  do have a mother they could live with or for the 18 year old he could get a real job and support himself.

i would probably do nothing other than work to keep your own son far away from that house.  If it is widely known it is just a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.

[DawnM]

10 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Yikes.  What a tough situation you are in.  On the one hand the LE father should not get away with allowing this.  On the other ha d he is providing a home for them which might be in jeopardy if he is reported.  On the other hand they  do have a mother they could live with or for the 18 year old he could get a real job and support himself.

i would probably do nothing other than work to keep your own son far away from that house.  If it is widely known it is just a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.

 

Nah, he just keeps getting away with it.  Nothing has crashed anywhere.  If people don't report it, how will anyone know?  So far most of the reporting has been from the ex, and people are just thinking she is nuts and scorned and trying to get retribution.

[Scarlett]

Just now, DawnM said:

 

Nah, he just keeps getting away with it.  Nothing has crashed anywhere.  If people don't report it, how will anyone know?  So far most of the reporting has been from the ex, and people are just thinking she is nuts and scorned and trying to get retribution.

So what will change if you report it?  I mean I guess it won’t hurt to do so.....

i really dont believe he should be allowed to be in LE 

[ttt]

What about calling child protective services? If he is a city police officer call the county department or vice-versa?  The investigation shouldn't be handled by his own department anyway.  Would it be worth paying a lawyer to act as an intermediary to make the report?  I would worry about blowback, the dad should lose his job over this.

Even if the dad's attitude is that pot is minor and soon to be legalized, there seem to be NO lines drawn here at all.  He could tell his son that if he's dealing it's only to adults, not minors.  Or sell to your friends not to friends of your brother. Keep it discrete, etc. Even if it was just for the dad's own protection. 

[DawnM]

5 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Yeah, no, I would be backing as far away from that kind of crazy as fast and I could, I and would be *strongly* encouraging my adult child to do the same.  Shady crazy people do shady crazy things and I am not about to welcome shady and crazy to affect my life. 

 

This is my teens best friend, they are 15 years old.  The older brother is the one selling.  I have never told my kids not to hang out with anyone before and they have been best friends since middle school, but DH is adamant my son will never go to their house again.  Son may be allowed at our house, SUPERVISED, at some point.  

Thankfully, when dad took the kids from mom, he transferred them to another school.  So they no longer see each other at school.

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

This is my teens best friend, they are 15 years old.  The older brother is the one selling.  I have never told my kids not to hang out with anyone before and they have been best friends since middle school, but DH is adamant my son will never go to their house again.  Son may be allowed at our house, SUPERVISED, at some point.  

Thankfully, when dad took the kids from mom, he transferred them to another school.  So they no longer see each other at school.

I agree with your husband.  

Do you think the 15 year old friend is using?  

[teachermom2834]

Coming in with the crazy story here but in our city we recently had a murder over a piddly little pot deal. Two teens from nice neighborhoods. Not sure what exactly went awry but it truly was a homicide over a very small amount of pot. I know that could happen over anything but I really would work hard to keep my kids away from it for their own safety even if I wasn't opposed to the use. 

[Lady Florida.]

2 hours ago, maize said:

A police officer turning a blind eye to illegal activity within their own home is a problem.

Marijuana is not harmless to developing adolescent brains; evidence continues to mount that it produces long term negative effects when used during adolescence. Sort of the way lead exposure in childhood or adolescence can result in life-long detriment. Messing with the development of a young brain is not a minor thing, and a kid who is dealing and encouraging other teens to use a substance that can impair their brain development is not doing something harmless.

 

Yes, even in states where recreational use is legal (it's not in mine), it's only legal for adults.

The fact that dad is an law enforcement officer is disturbing. Whether or not to report it is a tough one. If I did report I'd want to do it in such a way as to make it clear the dad is well aware of what's going on. I wouldn't want him to be able to plead ignorance. 

[Frances]

2 hours ago, maize said:

A police officer turning a blind eye to illegal activity within their own home is a problem.

Marijuana is not harmless to developing adolescent brains; evidence continues to mount that it produces long term negative effects when used during adolescence. Sort of the way lead exposure in childhood or adolescence can result in life-long detriment. Messing with the development of a young brain is not a minor thing, and a kid who is dealing and encouraging other teens to use a substance that can impair their brain development is not doing something harmless.

Yes I would report.

Articles below offer a sampling of research into the impact of pot on teen brains; it's an ongoing area of research of course and not all studies agree with each other, but I see nothing reassuring about current findings.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-pot-really-does-to-the-teen-brain/

https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/legal-pot/even-little-marijuana-may-change-teen-brain-study-finds-n958536

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/kids-health/marijuana-may-be-worse-teen-brains-alcohol-study-finds-n916296?icid=related

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/what-are-marijuanas-long-term-effects-brain

I agree. And this is why I voted against legalization in my state, even though I have no issue at all with adults smoking it. And use among teens is way up in my state since legalization.

[J-rap]

That's a tough call...  I think I'd wait a bit before taking action.  See how things played out for awhile.

I'd really discourage (forbid?) my ds from going over there, and not just because of the pot.  It doesn't sound like a good atmosphere at all.  It sounds like you're having a lot of discussions with your ds about this.  What are his thoughts?

I strongly dislike pot, but I don't put it in the same category as most other drugs, at least not at this point.  If it were another type of drug, you bet I'd report it immediately.

I'm not saying I wouldn't report it eventually, but sometimes these things have a way of imploding on their own.  I think in the meantime, you could reach out to ds's friend and let him know he has a safe place at your home.  (Or is this a friendship you'd rather not encourage?)  

Who knows, in another week, I might feel the time is right to report it.

 

 

[gardenmom5]

I would.  But I'm deeply resentful my mother allowed my brother to have a grow operation in our basement when I was a teen.  And did nothing about the fact my brother would stand by while his friends harassed me because I wouldn't use (one in particular repeatedly tried to force me to use), or the fact my brother himself - kept trying to get me to use. - in fact, she would encourage me to go out with them to the movies!!!  It led to such fun times, as the interested in drugs - but not doing them yet, kids would keep coming up to me and asking questions.  I thought about calling the cops - but was afraid of what my grandmother would do to me.

I will add, I once asked my dd's DARE officer what he would advise in that situation - he was at a loss.  it is a rock and a hard place.

it's not just the father's precient (frankly - it should be an entity with authority over them so they're not handling the investigation.  you don't know if they'll be honest, or cover) - CPS.

 

eta: to those who say it's not a gateway drug . . .  my brother got into using/dealing heroin.

Edited October 30, 2019 by gardenmom5

[DawnM]

22 minutes ago, Seasider too said:

Can you anonymously report it to the apartment complex management? Not the office on site, but the holding company (that wouldn’t have a personal relationship with this LEO)?

 

How do you find out the holding company?

[scholastica]

Is this kid a kid in your school or school district? Are you professionally at risk if you don't report it? This is a tough situation. 

[gardenmom5]

4 minutes ago, DawnM said:

 

How do you find out the holding company?

if you don't want to talk to your immediate complex management, city records should have it.

[DawnM]

No, this child is no longer in my school district.  He is in the city/larger school district.  The dad is not a police officer in my immediate town either.  

The law is fuzzy about marijuana use in the home and mandated reporting.   It has been decriminalized in our state but is not legal.

[maize]

Can you report to CPS anonymously?

[gardenmom5]

4 minutes ago, DawnM said:

No, this child is no longer in my school district.  He is in the city/larger school district.  The dad is not a police officer in my immediate town either.  

The law is fuzzy about marijuana use in the home and mandated reporting.   It has been decriminalized in our state but is not legal.

Even where it's legal. (Re:WA), places that sell must be licensed.   Out of the home most certainly is not. 

[Selkie]

I would do everything I could to keep my kid away from this mess, including not having the friend come over anymore. Shut the door on any further involvement with that family.

I doubt that reporting it would do any good, and it could lead to retaliation against you and your family. So nope, I wouldn't do that.

 

[DawnM]

11 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Even where it's legal. (Re:WA), places that sell must be licensed.   Out of the home most certainly is not. 

 

Right, but the law is fuzzy on if marijuana is actually an abusive or neglectful situation, it seems to treat it almost like alcohol.  

[DawnM]

Just now, happysmileylady said:

Dawn, I forgot that you are a teacher.

Um, this could be a mandated reporter situation.  I don't think it matters if the kid is in your district or not.  I am still leaning heavily on the side of running away from the shady and crazy as fast as possible, but since you are a teacher, it could be that you have no choice.  You might want to look over the mandatory reporting requirements to decide what you should do.  

It is worse, I am a school counselor.  

I am not really thinking I shouldn't call at this point, I am fed up, although I did start the thread out with a question on if you guys would.  I am now thinking who the best person to call would be.

It may be DSS.

[DawnM]

I am going to go talk to our officer here at school if I can and see what he suggests.  I will get back to you all in a bit.

[Bluegoat]

In terms of it only being pot, from what I understand it is pretty rare for a dealer who isn't just doing it casually only to deal pot. If this kid is doing that now I'd question how long it will last.  I'd also be inclined to wonder if the dad isn't more involved than you realise it wouldn't be unheard of for a LEO to do that.

I think I would report it, that kind of dealing is not just some guy selling a couple of plants from his backyard.

[DawnM]

Resource officer said to start with DSS and then go up the chain as time goes on.  I will  see what DSS does.

[katilac]

2 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

Oh, yeah, 15.....I agree with your DH that your kid is not allowed over at that house.  I would likely not allow the son over....not because he's a bad influence himself, but because his family is shady and crazy and shady and crazy doesn't get to walk in my door.  It's not really about the kids not hanging out, it's about avoiding the cloud of shady and crazy that the kid unfortunately is stuck with.  

Dang, that's harsh. This has been her son's best friend for years. While I'd want to protect my kids, and I'd likely be on high alert, I think I'd have trouble banning a long-term friend from my home because of a shitty home situation.  

1 hour ago, maize said:

Can you report to CPS anonymously?

Mandated reporters can be anonymous in some states, she'd have to specifically check. 

1 hour ago, DawnM said:

Right, but the law is fuzzy on if marijuana is actually an abusive or neglectful situation, it seems to treat it almost like alcohol.  

I'd be pretty surprised if CPS swings into action because of pot dealing, when the dealer is not a parent and the child in question is 15. That doesn't mean you don't have to report it, so asking the school officer is probably a good next step.

I wouldn't call the precinct. The chances are too low that they will actually do something and too high that he will figure out it was you (from prior interactions, or from details you would have to give in order to be taken seriously, plus some stations record incoming calls). 

You could call another agency, but I don't think I'd report pot in most cases and probably particularly in this one. The dad is not the one dealing. Should he allow it? Of course not, especially as a police officer, but we don't know the whole story and the stakes are potentially very high. A nasty divorce has been going on for two years, complete with custody issues and enough crazy to go around? He may be putting out bigger fires, he may be trying to handle it without actually turning in his own son. The 18-yr-old might be having some mental or emotional issues and the dad is afraid of making things worse by forcing him into a corner (and he could be providing or offering help to his son that we don't know about). Or the dad is just a permissive jerk who thinks his family is above the law, it's really impossible to know. 

Combine that with potentially high consequences if someone does pursue it, and I'd be reluctant. Take an already unstable family and add in the possibility of dad losing both his main job with pension and 2/3 paid apartment? I wouldn't want to set that in motion (edited wording bc I don't think the caller would be 'responsible' for whatever happens). I don't think I'd be convinced that the potential good of reporting outweighs the potential harm of reporting. 

CPS is a different story. As a mandated reporter, you will have to call if it's decided that the guidelines clearly call for it. That part is somewhat out of your hands, but I wouldn't call if I didn't have to, simply bc going into care often means jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. In a documentary I saw, the now-grown kid says something to the effect of, "If I had known what being in care was like, I would have just stayed home and gotten kicked around every few days" and that's generally how I feel. The care system is ridden with problems of its own, so I generally think only the more desperate situations call for it. 

In the end, all you can do is consider all the factors and make the best decision you can. Something bad might happen if you don't report, something bad might happen if you do. Don't take on the guilt either way, just do what seems best and then hope for the best. 

Edited October 30, 2019 by katilac

[MercyA]

No, I wouldn't report it.

[katilac]

17 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

 shady and crazy...you think giving that label to a person who does that is harsh?

No, I don't think calling the dad shady and crazy is harsh, I think banning the kid from my house bc his dad is shady and crazy is harsh. If he's a good kid stuck in a bad situation, I'd have trouble doing that. 

On the practical side, I also think Dawn's son might not take it well. It sounds like they are talking about the situation regularly, the lines of communication are open, and that might stop if he feels like his parents are unreasonable and his friend is being treated badly. At 15, I'd want to up my odds of knowing what is going on and keeping eyes on the situation, something that becomes harder if my kid quits talking bc they think I'll respond negatively. They are out and about at that age, and parents can't always know exactly what's going on or who they're hanging out with it they don't have that communication. 

Edited October 30, 2019 by katilac

[gardenmom5]

21 minutes ago, katilac said:

Dang, that's harsh. This has been her son's best friend for years. While I'd want to protect my kids, and I'd likely be on high alert, I think I'd have trouble banning a long-term friend from my home because of a shitty home situation.  

 

I had friends parents who wouldn't let them associate with me - because my brother dealt and my sister was quite promiscuous. - I had kids in jr. high asking me if she was a prostitute.  I did neither, but it was quite isolating and made an already tough situation even worse.

13 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

As I said in a later post, it's not about the kid.  It's about the shady and crazy family he's stuck with.  You think it's harsh to call a family where the father, who is a COP, is straight up allowing his son to commit a crime in his home (ie dealing pot out of his home) AND, who is supposed to be the *security officer* of the apartment complex he's living in, where he is supposed to be busting people who.......................................commit crimes like dealing pot out of their apartment complex home......................shady and crazy...you think giving that label to a person who does that is harsh?

 

I already said, I am not necessarily going to call the 15yr old best friend shady, crazy, etc.  But the family he comes from....yeah, everything posted here justifies the terms shady and crazy to me.  It sucks that this kid is growing up with shady and crazy........but he's growing up with shady and crazy, and I don't think that is a harsh label at all.

the dad is definitely shady.   you are advocating for socially isolating the kid from a long time friend, who may be the only sane person in his life.

[DawnM]

DSS said they will investigate but it sounds like a police issue.  ARGH!

So I also filled out an autonomous report to Crime Stoppers.

Edited October 30, 2019 by DawnM

[SKL]

Does the dad know it?  If not, maybe I would tell the dad (or the mom).

I don't think I would report this level of illegal activity, honestly.  As much as I am against it.

I might have a hard time letting my kid have the friend over my house.  I definitely do not want that crap in here, ever.  I want my kids to know that without any wavering.  That said, maybe there's a reason he needs to come over....

[DawnM]

2 minutes ago, SKL said:

Does the dad know it?  If not, maybe I would tell the dad (or the mom).

I don't think I would report this level of illegal activity, honestly.  As much as I am against it.

I might have a hard time letting my kid have the friend over my house.  I definitely do not want that crap in here, ever.  I want my kids to know that without any wavering.  That said, maybe there's a reason he needs to come over....

 

YES!  Dad has known for 2 years.  

[DawnM]

I can see there is a lot of variety of opinion on this, and that is what I was looking for.

Thanks,

[Sneezyone]

4 hours ago, DawnM said:

Dad stopped speaking to me around April when I confronted him on several things, not just the pot.  And by confronted, I mean I was actually really nice about it.  There is way more to the story, as the kids seem to be pawns in a nasty divorce situation and it has been going on for 2 years, but, I do still talk to Mom.  Mom has her own brand of crazy, but I attribute some of her mess to the overall mess.

Dad is also getting 2/3 off his rent to be the security officer for the entire apartment complex while his 18 year old is dealing out of said apartment.  

woa. As a landlord, I’d be deeply concerned about the security guards I pay for allowing that on my property.

[Selkie]

7 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

I am advocating for protecting the OP's kid and family.

One example of how quickly shady and crazy could get in the OP's life with this friend.

Dawn's kid and best friend decide to have a movie night with another friend.  Best friend, who is now using himself, gets convinced by his brother to bring some pot to the overnight.  The other friend's mom finds out.  Friend's mom calls the school, knowing the Dawn works at the school.  Now the school is investigating the OP for allowing pot in her house with minor children.  Potentially, the media is called because a counselor at Dawn's school is being investigating for providing drugs to minors.  

I am pretty sure that Dawn doesn't need that kind of crazy in her life.  I am sorry that it's isolating for the kid, but I will never consider it harsh to protect my own family and kids before protecting other kids, every time.  

My feelings exactly. Having grown up in a family of addicts, there is no way I'm encouraging a friendship between my kid and a 15 year old who smokes pot, let alone one who also has a drug dealing brother and a policeman father who is fine with all of it. Nope, nope, nope.

[catz]

I think you did the right thing walking some first steps.  And I don't think you are under any obligation to have this kid in your home or foster a friendship with your son and this other 15 year old.  I might tell that 15 year old that drug use is not ok with you but if he needs help your door is open to him.  There would be no way I'd be fostering any kind of relationship with my own kid and anyone in this family.  Maybe actions like that will be a wake up call for the kid if this situation is just normalized for him at home.  

If you have a reasonable relationship with the mom I might let her know why the boys won't be hanging out any more if that would be reasonably comfortable to broach with her.  

[wintermom]

Firstly, if my dc were dumb enough to try to be friends with the kid, then I'd be really disappointed in them. What is next on the cannabis products this kid will try to push on your son, cannabis laced chocolate, beverages and candy? It's only a matter of time would be my guess. 

[regentrude]

4 minutes ago, wintermom said:

Firstly, if my dc were dumb enough to try to be friends with the kid, then I'd be really disappointed in them. What is next on the cannabis products this kid will try to push on your son, cannabis laced chocolate, beverages and candy? It's only a matter of time would be my guess. 

Needn't necessarily be the case. There are young people who deal weed and at the same time respect their friends' decision not to use. 

And the person may have a lot of other qualities that makes them a good friend that don't make a kid "dumb" for being their friend.

Edited October 30, 2019 by regentrude

[gardenmom5]

22 minutes ago, Selkie said:

My feelings exactly. Having grown up in a family of addicts, there is no way I'm encouraging a friendship between my kid and a 15 year old who smokes pot, let alone one who also has a drug dealing brother and a policeman father who is fine with all of it. Nope, nope, nope.

I missed that part. 1ds chose to end a friendship with two of his friends who started smoking pot in high school.  I only found out when I asked why he wasn't doing things with them anymore.

that he is actively using changes the dynamic.

OP- you do need to be careful/know  your own child.  while some kids will walk away, other's will refuse just to "not do what mom says".

 

eta: want to add - the property owner needs to know his security officer is allowing his own child to deal drugs out of their apartment.  drug dealing increases the chance a 3rd party will break-in to rip off the stash.   and since said 3rd party could also get the wrong apartment, increases the chances innocent people will get dragged into this.

we were robbed twice while my brother was dealing.  I do recall my mom telling him after one break-in if they'd taken anything else, she would have called the cops.   

Edited October 30, 2019 by gardenmom5

[DawnM]

43 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

woa. As a landlord, I’d be deeply concerned about the security guards I pay for allowing that on my property.

 

Yup!  

And the city where he works should be concerned that their police force has a police officer complicit in the situation.

[DawnM]

20 minutes ago, wintermom said:

Firstly, if my dc were dumb enough to try to be friends with the kid, then I'd be really disappointed in them. What is next on the cannabis products this kid will try to push on your son, cannabis laced chocolate, beverages and candy? It's only a matter of time would be my guess. 

 

Wow.  So my kid is dumb and I should be disappointed in him?  Really?

My kid has been BFFs with this kid for many years, long before the drugs came into the family.   This isn't a "I made friends with a druggie" situation.  

[Katy]

Eeek.  I don't think I'd call CPS, even as a mandated reporter, in a state where it had been decriminalized and where the youngest child in the home was high school age.

More than 20 years ago when I went to college my dad, a cop, called me and gave me a drug lecture.  Never try meth or crack or heroin, not even once, because you;ll get addicted to it the first time.  He went through a variety of other drugs, cocaine and ecstasy being two, and basically said it might be okay if you know the person dealing it, and at the end of this long talk I really didn't want to hear he said, "Smoke all the pot you want.  It'll just make you fat."   These days I think that talk would likely be altered a bit based on stuff like cocaine getting cut with fentanyl, but I think in most areas both cops AND CPS social workers don't care about pot.

Once I called CPS based on a known drug dealer hanging out at the house of a neighbor whose older sibling was on probation due to drug charges and whose mother was openly doing meth in the home with the 8 year old and CPS still didn't care. We moved neighborhoods pretty quickly after that.

Frankly if there's more unethical stuff that guy is doing I wouldn't want to be his target.  I'd stay out of it unless you are moving out of state.  There are plenty of great cops, but he does not sound like one of them.

 

ETA: Would absolutely back up your DH's decision that son should not go over there though.  Ever.

Edited October 30, 2019 by Katy

[Farrar]

I'd be torn about this. On the one hand, I don't believe in reporting people for pot using, dealing, or growing unless there's some real extenuating factor. I don't think it helps the situation and while it's very dangerous for teenage brains, I don't think the way we approach pot (or any drugs) legally in this country is conducive to people's general human rights or stopping its abuse. So on one level, no.

But that would really tick me off. Like, really. I'd be tempted to do what was suggested above and figure out the building and alert the owners. Because that's a shady deal all the way around. And I think you're definitely right to prevent your kid from going over there. Not a safe house. And if you did report it... I'd totally get it. Most of the time, someone reporting a low level pot dealer would annoy me. But... given everything, I think you're well within your ethical rights, so to speak.