Home'scool Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 I was hoping to have it all done in one day, but unfortunately we have to go two days. So the next scheduled date is June 21st. The first day was all his testimony and June 21st will be all my testimony. He looks a lot better. Before he was super skinny and grey looking before. I guess he had some health problems for a while. I think you can't hold that much hate and resentment inside and not have it come out on you in some way. He wouldn't acknowledge me in any way. At one point he was walking into the courtroom in front of me and wouldn't hold open the door, he just let it swing in my face. Petty, childish stuff like that. According to my lawyer, his new lawyer (his 4th) hates him. He will not provide her with any paperwork, etc., and just made it really hard for her to put together a case and I think it showed. His testimony was just dry, boring stuff about his expenses, etc. Some highlights: My attorney: "So, are you planning on buying another car?" Him: "yes" My Attorney: "Another BMW?" Him: "Or better" ---> yet he has no money ..... ummmmmmmmmmmm........... Or this one: My attorney : "Where are you living now" Him: "An apartment right near a homeless shelter. I have to push my way through crowds of homeless people to get to work, and someone was beaten on the front stoop of my building." My attorney: "Do you know that the apartment you are renting is valued at $1.5 million?" Him: ...... crickets ..... Some other things that came out is that he borrowed money from his father to meet expenses, but also took a ski trip in March. When questioned if he used any of his $98,000 bonus on paying off any of his obligations, including sending me any money, his answer was no. The judge actually scowled at that one. The only time he really showed any emotion is when the subject of his bonuses came up. He became really animated and said that the bonuses should be "his and his alone" because of all the work he does to get them. I don't think that went over well. I am actually looking forward to testifying, and I think it will be good that is a whole new day, and only I will be testifying. I have all the juicy stuff like details about his affairs, his spending thousands on his girlfriends from our shared checking account, his complete lack of any support for me or our daughters, etc. I am betting that his new lawyer is not even aware of his affairs ... when they come up I think she will be shocked. All in all though it was a very hard day. I spent 3 years building a new life that is protected from him and then he invaded it for a day. All his nasty comments, his bad attitude, his complete disdain for me ...... it brought me back to when I was under his thumb and felt helpless. I took me a whole day to recover. When I got home I did not feel safe. I don't worry about my physical safety, but it brought up all the anxiety I had when he literally pulled the rug out from under me. I had to get back into the mindset that he cannot touch me where I live and that even if I receive nothing from him, I will still be okay. 30 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Many (hugs) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
school17777 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 I am sorry you have to go through this. I’m glad it’s finally happening so you can move on for good, once this is over. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 He seems a classic narcissistic p. d. Time for some CBT for you. Repeat after me: "I am safe. I have built a successful new life that I am enjoying. He cannot hurt me any longer." Wishing you well for your day in court. 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 (((Home'scool))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ikslo Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 (((Home'scool))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Sending hugs............ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 You are so strong Home'scool- one more day of trial and hopefully, you can move forward with minimal contact with him in the future. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Glad things are finally moving. Do not cave. Do not cave. Do not cave. Do not pull your punches. Stand up! 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Sounds as if things will go your way - fingers crossed! You are strong - you can do this! Best wishes, Homescool, and many ((((hugs)))! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Praying for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkTulip Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 You are so brave. You have built an amazing life on your own and clearly have the strength and ability to not merely endure through it but triumph in your life. Remember that when you go testify - you are strong and brave and worthy of every happiness life has to offer! Hugs - you’ve got this! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Glad things are moving... glad he's digging his own hole. You are strong... you are courageous... you will make it through! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Halfway done! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Not legal advice but his affairs don’t matter and really you won’t scandalize a family court judge. so I’d resist with the juicy stuff if I were you. Keep it factual with the lack of support, the years you spent at home, etc etc. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 5 minutes ago, madteaparty said: Not legal advice but his affairs don’t matter and really you won’t scandalize a family court judge. so I’d resist with the juicy stuff if I were you. Keep it factual with the lack of support, the years you spent at home, etc etc. While I agree that scandalizing shouldn't be the goal, taking joint money to support an affair IS stealing, and it should be mentioned. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 We are all proud of you. You are a fine, strong person and an excellent example. May you receive justice. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted May 30, 2019 Author Share Posted May 30, 2019 (edited) Quote Not legal advice but his affairs don’t matter and really you won’t scandalize a family court judge. so I’d resist with the juicy stuff if I were you. Keep it factual with the lack of support, the years you spent at home, etc etc. Thank you for the advice 🙂 . I do know that strictly "drama" events are not what the judge is looking for, but the affair was a reason I moved out of the home, evidence of how much money he was throwing around while claiming he was broke, stuff like that. Edited May 30, 2019 by Home'scool 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaBelle Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Repeat after me "I am Ironwoman, I am Ironwoman" You got this. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 4 hours ago, Home'scool said: I was hoping to have it all done in one day, but unfortunately we have to go two days. So the next scheduled date is June 21st. The first day was all his testimony and June 21st will be all my testimony. He looks a lot better. Before he was super skinny and grey looking before. I guess he had some health problems for a while. I think you can't hold that much hate and resentment inside and not have it come out on you in some way. He wouldn't acknowledge me in any way. At one point he was walking into the courtroom in front of me and wouldn't hold open the door, he just let it swing in my face. Petty, childish stuff like that. According to my lawyer, his new lawyer (his 4th) hates him. He will not provide her with any paperwork, etc., and just made it really hard for her to put together a case and I think it showed. His testimony was just dry, boring stuff about his expenses, etc. Some highlights: My attorney: "So, are you planning on buying another car?" Him: "yes" My Attorney: "Another BMW?" Him: "Or better" ---> yet he has no money ..... ummmmmmmmmmmm........... Or this one: My attorney : "Where are you living now" Him: "An apartment right near a homeless shelter. I have to push my way through crowds of homeless people to get to work, and someone was beaten on the front stoop of my building." My attorney: "Do you know that the apartment you are renting is valued at $1.5 million?" Him: ...... crickets ..... Some other things that came out is that he borrowed money from his father to meet expenses, but also took a ski trip in March. When questioned if he used any of his $98,000 bonus on paying off any of his obligations, including sending me any money, his answer was no. The judge actually scowled at that one. The only time he really showed any emotion is when the subject of his bonuses came up. He became really animated and said that the bonuses should be "his and his alone" because of all the work he does to get them. I don't think that went over well. I am actually looking forward to testifying, and I think it will be good that is a whole new day, and only I will be testifying. I have all the juicy stuff like details about his affairs, his spending thousands on his girlfriends from our shared checking account, his complete lack of any support for me or our daughters, etc. I am betting that his new lawyer is not even aware of his affairs ... when they come up I think she will be shocked. All in all though it was a very hard day. I spent 3 years building a new life that is protected from him and then he invaded it for a day. All his nasty comments, his bad attitude, his complete disdain for me ...... it brought me back to when I was under his thumb and felt helpless. I took me a whole day to recover. When I got home I did not feel safe. I don't worry about my physical safety, but it brought up all the anxiety I had when he literally pulled the rug out from under me. I had to get back into the mindset that he cannot touch me where I live and that even if I receive nothing from him, I will still be okay. Yes you will! I am so glad you are almost free of him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 "It took me a whole day to recover." No, it only took you a day to recover from that emotionally draining experience! You are so strong! 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 Karma sometimes shows up in the form of a judge.😏 May your testimony hit him like that door he wouldn't hold open for you. signed: the woman who made it through the dark tunnel of divorce. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted May 31, 2019 Share Posted May 31, 2019 hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Home'scool Posted May 31, 2019 Author Share Posted May 31, 2019 Quote So close to the end of this mess!!! Are you guaranteed the same judge for your next day in court? Will the judge rule that day, or will you have to wait on that? I know you’ve said you feel safe, but it might be prudent to plan to stay somewhere else when the ruling comes down in your favor. I suspect he’s gonna have an epic tantrum. Looking forward to your next update! May justice prevail! I believe (and hope) we have the same judge. And I do worry he will have a complete tantrum. This is the guy who showed up at my attorney's office and wouldn't leave until they threatened to call 911. I live with my sister and two very strong, very tall and military trained nephews, so he can come there at his own peril haha. Quote "It took me a whole day to recover." No, it only took you a day to recover from that emotionally draining experience! You are so strong! Dang it woman, you made me cry! 🙂 To all of you that have supported me through this, I cannot thank you enough. You have saved me a lot of my mental sanity, kept me grounded when my STBX was trying to tell me black was white, and probably saved me thousands on therapists! Sometimes I will be spinning around and around in my head, and someone will respond with something insightful, or calm, or just plain good old advice and I breath easier. I wish I could invite you all to the huge divorce party blowout that I am planning! 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I appreciate your updates. I will pray for your upcoming trial day. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 You may want to look into trauma therapy when this settles down a bit. Your saying you needed a day to recover sounds like some decent trauma that may show up in other areas of your life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 21 minutes ago, bethben said: You may want to look into trauma therapy when this settles down a bit. Your saying you needed a day to recover sounds like some decent trauma that may show up in other areas of your life. There are people who can go through a legal trial and not need a day to recover? 😶 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 13 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said: There are people who can go through a legal trial and not need a day to recover? 😶 I was a tiny bit traumatized - vicariously. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngieW in Texas Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 I'm so sorry you are going through this. Mine appears to be a much better as an exhusband than he was as a husband. We haven't filed yet (been working on details), but I think we are about ready to. I'm just waiting for the lawyer to get back to me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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