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Day One of Divorce Trial


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I was hoping to have it all done in one day, but unfortunately we have to go two days. So the next scheduled date is June 21st. The first day was all his testimony and June 21st will be all my testimony.

He looks a lot better. Before he was super skinny and grey looking before. I guess he had some health problems for a while. I think you can't hold that much hate and resentment inside and not have it come out on you in some way. 

He wouldn't acknowledge me in any way. At one point he was walking into the courtroom in front of me and wouldn't hold open the door, he just let it swing in my face. Petty, childish stuff like that.

According to my lawyer, his new lawyer (his 4th) hates him. He will not provide her with any paperwork, etc., and just made it really hard for her to put together a case and I think it showed. His testimony was just dry, boring stuff about his expenses, etc. 

Some highlights:

My attorney: "So, are you planning on buying another car?"

Him: "yes"

My Attorney: "Another BMW?"

Him: "Or better"  ---> yet he has no money ..... ummmmmmmmmmmm...........

Or this one:

My attorney : "Where are you living now"

Him: "An apartment right near a homeless shelter. I have to push my way through crowds of homeless people to get to work, and someone was beaten on the front stoop of my building."

My attorney: "Do you know that the apartment you are renting is valued at $1.5 million?" 

Him: ...... crickets .....

Some other things that came out is that he borrowed money from his father to meet expenses, but also took a ski trip in March. When questioned if he used any of his $98,000 bonus on paying off any of his obligations, including sending me any money, his answer was no. The judge actually scowled at that one. The only time he really showed any emotion is when the subject of his bonuses came up. He became really animated and said that the bonuses should be "his and his alone" because of all the work he does to get them. I don't think that went over well.

I am actually looking forward to testifying, and I think it will be good that is a whole new day, and only I will be testifying. I have all the juicy stuff like details about his affairs, his spending thousands on his girlfriends from our shared checking account, his complete lack of any support for me or our daughters, etc. I am betting that his new lawyer is not even aware of his affairs ... when they come up I think she will be shocked. 

All in all though it was a very hard day. I spent 3 years building a new life that is protected from him and then he invaded it for a day. All his nasty comments, his bad attitude, his complete disdain for me ...... it brought me back to when I was under his thumb and felt helpless. I took me a whole day to recover. When I got home I did not feel safe. I don't worry about my physical safety, but it brought up all the anxiety I had when he literally pulled the rug out from under me. I had to get back into the mindset that he cannot touch me where I live and that even if I receive nothing from him, I will still be okay.  

 

 

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He seems a classic narcissistic p. d.

Time for some CBT for you. Repeat after me:

"I am safe. I have built a successful new life that I am enjoying. He cannot hurt me any longer."

Wishing you well for your day in court.

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You are so brave. You have built an amazing life on your own and clearly have the strength and ability to not merely endure through it but triumph in your life. Remember that when you go testify - you are strong and brave and worthy of every happiness life has to offer! Hugs - you’ve got this!

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Not legal advice but his affairs don’t matter and really you won’t scandalize a family court judge.  so I’d resist with the juicy stuff if I were you. Keep it factual with the lack of support, the years you spent at home, etc etc. 

 

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5 minutes ago, madteaparty said:

Not legal advice but his affairs don’t matter and really you won’t scandalize a family court judge.  so I’d resist with the juicy stuff if I were you. Keep it factual with the lack of support, the years you spent at home, etc etc. 

 

 

While I agree that scandalizing shouldn't be the goal, taking joint money to support an affair IS stealing, and it should be mentioned.

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Not legal advice but his affairs don’t matter and really you won’t scandalize a family court judge.  so I’d resist with the juicy stuff if I were you. Keep it factual with the lack of support, the years you spent at home, etc etc. 

Thank you for the advice 🙂

. I do know that strictly "drama" events are not what the judge is looking for, but the affair was a reason I moved out of the home, evidence of how much money he was throwing around while claiming he was broke, stuff like that.

Edited by Home'scool
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4 hours ago, Home'scool said:

I was hoping to have it all done in one day, but unfortunately we have to go two days. So the next scheduled date is June 21st. The first day was all his testimony and June 21st will be all my testimony.

He looks a lot better. Before he was super skinny and grey looking before. I guess he had some health problems for a while. I think you can't hold that much hate and resentment inside and not have it come out on you in some way. 

He wouldn't acknowledge me in any way. At one point he was walking into the courtroom in front of me and wouldn't hold open the door, he just let it swing in my face. Petty, childish stuff like that.

According to my lawyer, his new lawyer (his 4th) hates him. He will not provide her with any paperwork, etc., and just made it really hard for her to put together a case and I think it showed. His testimony was just dry, boring stuff about his expenses, etc. 

Some highlights:

My attorney: "So, are you planning on buying another car?"

Him: "yes"

My Attorney: "Another BMW?"

Him: "Or better"  ---> yet he has no money ..... ummmmmmmmmmmm...........

Or this one:

My attorney : "Where are you living now"

Him: "An apartment right near a homeless shelter. I have to push my way through crowds of homeless people to get to work, and someone was beaten on the front stoop of my building."

My attorney: "Do you know that the apartment you are renting is valued at $1.5 million?" 

Him: ...... crickets .....

Some other things that came out is that he borrowed money from his father to meet expenses, but also took a ski trip in March. When questioned if he used any of his $98,000 bonus on paying off any of his obligations, including sending me any money, his answer was no. The judge actually scowled at that one. The only time he really showed any emotion is when the subject of his bonuses came up. He became really animated and said that the bonuses should be "his and his alone" because of all the work he does to get them. I don't think that went over well.

I am actually looking forward to testifying, and I think it will be good that is a whole new day, and only I will be testifying. I have all the juicy stuff like details about his affairs, his spending thousands on his girlfriends from our shared checking account, his complete lack of any support for me or our daughters, etc. I am betting that his new lawyer is not even aware of his affairs ... when they come up I think she will be shocked. 

All in all though it was a very hard day. I spent 3 years building a new life that is protected from him and then he invaded it for a day. All his nasty comments, his bad attitude, his complete disdain for me ...... it brought me back to when I was under his thumb and felt helpless. I took me a whole day to recover. When I got home I did not feel safe. I don't worry about my physical safety, but it brought up all the anxiety I had when he literally pulled the rug out from under me. I had to get back into the mindset that he cannot touch me where I live and that even if I receive nothing from him, I will still be okay.  

 

 

Yes you will!  I am so glad you are almost free of him.

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So close to the end of this mess!!!

Are you guaranteed the same judge for your next day in court? Will the judge rule that day, or will you have to wait on that?

I know you’ve said you feel safe, but it might be prudent to plan to stay somewhere else when the ruling comes down in your favor. I suspect he’s gonna have an epic tantrum. 

Looking forward to your next update! May justice prevail!

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Karma sometimes shows up in the form of a judge.😏 May your testimony hit him like that door he wouldn't hold open for you. 

signed: the woman who made it through the dark tunnel of divorce. 

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So close to the end of this mess!!!

Are you guaranteed the same judge for your next day in court? Will the judge rule that day, or will you have to wait on that?

I know you’ve said you feel safe, but it might be prudent to plan to stay somewhere else when the ruling comes down in your favor. I suspect he’s gonna have an epic tantrum. 

Looking forward to your next update! May justice prevail!

 

I believe (and hope) we have the same judge. And I do worry he will have a complete tantrum. This is the guy who showed up at my attorney's office and wouldn't leave until they threatened to call 911. I live with my sister and two very strong, very tall and military trained nephews, so he can come there at his own peril haha.

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"It took me a whole day to recover."

No, it only took you a day to recover from that emotionally draining experience! You are so strong!

 

Dang it woman, you made me cry! 🙂

To all of you that have supported me through this, I cannot thank you enough. You have saved me a lot of my mental sanity, kept me grounded when my STBX was trying to tell me black was white, and probably saved me thousands on therapists! Sometimes I will be spinning around and around in my head, and someone will respond with something insightful, or calm, or just plain good old advice and I breath easier. 

I wish I could invite you all to the huge divorce party blowout that I am planning!

 

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18 minutes ago, Home'scool said:

I wish I could invite you all to the huge divorce party blowout that I am planning!

 

 

Thanks for the reminder that you have a private security detail!😆

Let us know when it’s party time, I’ll tip a cup from afar. 

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21 minutes ago, bethben said:

You may want to look into trauma therapy when this settles down a bit.  Your saying you needed a day to recover sounds like some decent trauma that may show up in other areas of your life.

 

There are people who can go through a legal trial and not need a day to recover? 😶

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