adult opposite sex siblings in public

[gardenmom5]

poll should be self-explanatory - assuming I set it up correct with the new system.

[Bluegoat]

I said not, though I cheated a bit.  Mostly the person that fits this description most closely is my cousin.

I eat out fairly often with men who are not my husband, and don't generally tell the wait staff that they are not my dh.  

[Selkie]

No, it wouldn't even cross my mind to do that.

[AmandaVT]

It's never occurred to me to announce that I'm' with my brother, so my vote is no.

[Targhee]

Curious what prompted the question?

[Junie]

I don't think that I've ever been out alone with my brother.  Ever*.  

Hmmm.  I had never thought about that before.

 

*As adults. 

[Guest]

My only brother lives a couple thousand miles away from me, so it hasn’t happened a lot of,times, but it would not occur to me to announce he is my brother. When I used to have lunch with my bosses, it also never occurred to me to announce he was my boss. 

[Mergath]

I'm so confused. Why would the waitstaff need to know? 

[Tree Frog]

I think the third question should be "Does it matter if the server knows?"

I live in a big city and no one would know if he is my brother, other relative, or spouse. In fact, in my city, there are so many large families with extended relatives that it's just as likely the "couples" I see are related somehow.

[nixpix5]

I am so intrigued by this question because for the life of me I cannot figure out why it would matter to wait staff or to me. So no, it wouldn't occur to me to do so. 

[Amira]

I don’t have a brother, but I can’t imagine needing to tell anyone about the nature of my relationship with the person who is with me.

[happi duck]

The only reason I could think to tell is if I were hoping to ask out/be asked out by the server!

[JustEm]

I don't think I've ever announced my relationship with anyone to any waitstaff. Aside from when dh and u are out and they ask if we are celebrating anything special.

[TechWife]

It wouldn't occur to me to tell the wait staff who I was eating with, brother or not.

[gardenmom5]

thank you for your responses.  it seemed really odd to me - but it keeps happening.

 

I had lunch today with my (estranged) brother.   he did this.  he is <3 years older than me.  He has done it since I was a teenager (we were at the fair.).   every time we have lunch/etc.  

it wouldn't occur to me either.   I know it hasn't with dh when he has lunch with his sisters.   it just seems. . .. odd.   no - it's not something I can ask him why without setting him off.   he seems to finally be feeling the effects of he's estranged from both of his sisters, and iffy to completely estranged with his kids.  he's now on his third marriage.

I'm trying to be kind to him for my mother's sake. but since she's dead - I'm much less willing to tolerate his nonsense.   (he can be manipulative)

 

just an aside - my son refuses to have "just" a mustache as he feels he looks too much like my brother.   so he has a full beard.

[gardenmom5]

15 minutes ago, happi duck said:

The only reason I could think to tell is if I were hoping to ask out/be asked out by the server!

that is *exactly* what I thought the first time it happened.   he was probably about 20 at the time and I thought he wanted to chat up the girl and to let her know I wasn't part of any equation.

 

but today?  uh - no.  he married his third wife (whom I've never met) in Nov.   besides, the waitress wasn't his type.  AT. ALL!

[gardenmom5]

14 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I don't think I've ever announced my relationship with anyone to any waitstaff. Aside from when dh and u are out and they ask if we are celebrating anything special.

there was one restaurant  that asked when dh made reservations.. . they had a sweet little happy anniversary cake for us.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I wouldn’t even say anything if I was eating out with a man friend who wasn’t related. 

[lea1]

Maybe he is proud to introduce you as his sister?

[laundrycrisis]

My relationship to my dining partner is not anyone’s business.  However, they are likely to see that we are related anyway - our faces match ! 

[Tsuga]

The relationship between me and whoever I'm having lunch with has literally never come up besides "is this an anniversary?" (at a very fancy place, on his birthday).

[Tap]

As an adult....nope.

I can understand it a bit as teenagers.  3 years difference is quite a bit between some siblings in appearance  of preconceived age.  I can see a 16 yo guy telling someone "this is my sister" so they don't think they are on a date with a  12-13 yo.  

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Tap said:

As an adult....nope.

I can understand it a bit as teenagers.  3 years difference is quite a bit between some siblings in appearance  of preconceived age.  I can see a 16 yo guy telling someone "this is my sister" so they don't think they are on a date with a  12-13 yo.  

yeahilf I had been a tween - but I was 17/18 - he was 20/21. and we look a lot alike.

and much to my sister's fury - I was generally mistaken as the oldest- and she the youngest. (he's inbetween.)

[Rosie_0801]

Only if people express an assumption that we're married. 

[DawnM]

No, that is weird to me.

I just went out with a  male who is not my husband Thur night.  He is a friend from my childhood who is in town and my husband couldn't make it, but knows him well, and has no issue with us having dinner.

But the waitstaff?  No.  Why in the world would they need to know if he is my brother, my friend, my husband, my boyfriend, or otherwise?  None of his business (our waiter was a male in this case.)

[Katy]

If my brother was doing this and was on his third wife I would assume he's paranoid about being accused of having an affair, probably for good reason. 

Either that or he's always had no filter and doesn't comprehend that the server neither cares nor has any need to know that information.

[Night Elf]

I have never introduced any of my lunch/dinner people to waitstaff. Why on earth would they give a hoot? 

Are you worried the waitstaff will call someone and gossip about you? 

[Mimm]

How strange. I'm out with my brothers frequently enough but the only time I clarified our relationship is if someone assumed we were together. Otherwise, what do I care what they think?

[Violet Crown]

I ran into our parish's junior priest at the opera, arm-in-arm with a lovely young woman. It took him .3 seconds to introduce me to his sister. Fortunately for him they have a close family resemblance! But in any other situarion, no, that's just tmi.

[gardenmom5]

4 hours ago, Katy said:

If my brother was doing this and was on his third wife I would assume he's paranoid about being accused of having an affair, probably for good reason. 

Either that or he's always had no filter and doesn't comprehend that the server neither cares nor has any need to know that information.

to my knowledge, and based on my feel for his character - he's never actually cheated. (watched/read p*rn -yes.)  he's just very obnoxious.  (his first two wives can be too, in different ways.)

 

and yeah - he has zero filter.   he was our N/B/?/PD's grandmother's favorite.  his first two wives -had quite a lot in common with her.  since he was her favorite - it would make sense he'd want to marry a woman like her.  .  except . . . wives don't treat husbands like they're their favorite grandson . . .

 

1 hour ago, Violet Crown said:

I ran into our parish's junior priest at the opera, arm-in-arm with a lovely young woman. It took him .3 seconds to introduce me to his sister. Fortunately for him they have a close family resemblance! But in any other situarion, no, that's just tmi.

since he knows you, it would make sense to introduce her if you were chatting for a few minutes- that's a social nicety.

if he was married- and knew someone he knows saw him- i can see him explaining too .

it's the stranger thing.   and the first time he did it was before either of us were ever married.  so, approaching 40 years. and we do resemble each other.   exact same coloring too.  (sissies's is different.)

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Agreeing with others.  I could only imagine doing this if I wanted to hit on the waiter.  lol.  

[EmilyGF]

This question seems bizarre.

Though, last time someone saw my brother, they assumed he was my husband. (He's 8 years younger than me...) Maybe if the wait staff knew me personally and was inclined to think I was out with another man?

As a former waitress, I'm not sure why I would care. I treated people with consideration regardless of their relationships.

Emily

[Lady Florida.]

I voted not. It's a strange question imo. I don't know why a server would ever need to know my relationship to any of my dining companions. 

[Cosmos]

It would seem weird to me, though now that I think about it, I could picture my brother doing that. He's chatty and tends to spill more personal info to strangers than I would. But I don't think we've ever gone out to eat together without a whole crowd of people.

When dh and I were younger, a few times people assumed we were brother and sister. We don't really look alike but we had similar hair and blue eyes. We corrected them on that!

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Cosmos said:

It would seem weird to me, though now that I think about it, I could picture my brother doing that. He's chatty and tends to spill more personal info to strangers than I would. But I don't think we've ever gone out to eat together without a whole crowd of people.

When dh and I were younger, a few times people assumed we were brother and sister. We don't really look alike but we had similar hair and blue eyes. We corrected them on that!

I have a wall of family pics.  My sil went through and pointed out the ones of which she wanted a copy.  one was a candid of my dad when he was two. ..?huh?   I asked her why she wanted a copy of that one?  "well it's ___" . . . she thought it was dh.  tbh: I don't think they look anything alike, even when they were little.   (my dad had dark/black curly hair - dh has/had straight red hair. - so can't imagine how she'd confuse those, even in a b&w pic.)

[natalie]

I think it is odd, however ...

my MIL always tells the servers how EACH person at the table is related to everyone else AND shares various details of each person's life,

and she does this to EVERY person that comes by the table:  servers, runners, buspeople, manager, etc, while she holds on to their arm (maybe so they can't make a quick getaway?)

 

[gardenmom5]

21 minutes ago, natalie said:

I think it is odd, however ...

my MIL always tells the servers how EACH person at the table is related to everyone else AND shares various details of each person's life,

and she does this to EVERY person that comes by the table:  servers, runners, buspeople, manager, etc, while she holds on to their arm (maybe so they can't make a quick getaway?)

 

did she start young?  before she even started having kids (let alone got married.)?

[natalie]

15 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

did she start young?  before she even started having kids (let alone got married.)?

???

Do you mean did she start doing this at a young age?  I have no idea.  I met her the first time when dating dh.  

Possibly though.  No one else seems to find it odd -- dh just says she's old.  Of course, dh has been saying that for over 20 years now.

 

 

[Tsuga]

52 minutes ago, natalie said:

I think it is odd, however ...

my MIL always tells the servers how EACH person at the table is related to everyone else AND shares various details of each person's life,

and she does this to EVERY person that comes by the table:  servers, runners, buspeople, manager, etc, while she holds on to their arm (maybe so they can't make a quick getaway?)

Egads. That sounds so awkward.

[natalie]

6 minutes ago, Tsuga said:

Egads. That sounds so awkward.

LOL ... It most definitely is!

[plansrme]

Maybe he's just really proud to have you as his sister?

I have a Facebook friend who is related to my kids, and every single time I post a kid brag, he comments something like, "Way to go li'l [insert relation here]."  This relative does not have a great life, and I just take it as his way to claim part of my kids' successes.  If I post something that's not bragging, he doesn't comment like this.

[Farrar]

It's not a secret. If the waitstaff said something that indicated they thought we were a couple, I'd probably correct them. But I can't imagine making a point to announce it. ETA: In fact, I just remembered, this exact thing happened once. Not at a restaurant, but buying tickets somewhere. And the vendor said something like aren't you robbing the cradle to me about my brother. And I was like ew, no, what is wrong with you, and my brother was like, gross, dude, she's my sister.

And... maybe I shouldn't, but I'll just say it. If you're already on rocky ground, I have to admit, my first thought would be that he feels you're unworthy physically of being his partner - like, aside from the obvious reasons, that he wants to be sure everyone knows that he's "better" than you. I mean, I hope that's not it, but going out of his way to announce it three times seems really uncomfortable, honestly.

[mumto2]

In general I think there is no need but my brother normally introduces me as his little sister.  He also lives in a small town and almost always knows the waitstaff.  

[gardenmom5]

2 hours ago, plansrme said:

Maybe he's just really proud to have you as his sister?

I have a Facebook friend who is related to my kids, and every single time I post a kid brag, he comments something like, "Way to go li'l [insert relation here]."  This relative does not have a great life, and I just take it as his way to claim part of my kids' successes.  If I post something that's not bragging, he doesn't comment like this.

we have a VERY strained relationship.  that has only gotten worse as the years have gone by.

 

[Garga]

10 hours ago, Katy said:

Either that or he's always had no filter and doesn't comprehend that the server neither cares nor has any need to know that information.

I wonder if it's what Katy wrote.  People on the autism spectrum sometimes think that the people around them are caring about things that no one is caring about except for them.  My dad and mom will overshare with strangers, especially wait staff or check out people. They'll tell all sorts of details that have nothing to do with the transaction that no one really needs to know or cares to know.  Some check out people take it in stride and others look very confused.  For my parents it's an autism/social anxiety thing.

If you have trouble with him and suspect mental issues, this desire to tell wait staff your relationship could be stemming from that: TMI about things no one cares about.

[SKL]

Only one time did it ever need to be said.  I was 25 and took my 16yo brother out to a restaurant.  When I pulled out my credit card to pay, a guy nearby said "see, that guy's wife pays the bills."  The thought of my "baby" brother being my husband was just too weird, LOL.  Ick, I changed his diapers.  :P

[plansrme]

1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

we have a VERY strained relationship.  that has only gotten worse as the years have gone by.

 

Well, this relative and I also have a somewhat strained relationship.  It always appears kind of pathetic to me.  He barely knows my kids but desperately wants the connection.  

[fairfarmhand]

My brother and I go out and do things with just us and my kids. It’s never occurred to explain that to anyone. I assume they figured it out if they were interested by my son continually yelling “uncle m, look!!’”

 

[gardenmom5]

2 hours ago, plansrme said:

Well, this relative and I also have a somewhat strained relationship.  It always appears kind of pathetic to me.  He barely knows my kids but desperately wants the connection.  

this.  he's incredibly difficult to get along with - to the point hardly any relatives who've known him (incld. his own kids) for any length of time will have much to do with him.   But he seems to really want the connection.  however, he seems completely oblivious on why people would legitimately be angry with him. 

I find him pathetic in many ways.   now he's gotten into the far reaches of paranoid groups who think everyone is out to get them.  (re: remove) hasn't helped any.

 

and there really is a limit to how much I'll put up with from him.