Daddy-daughter dances creep me out

[Lady Florida.]

 They feel related to the idea that dad owns a daughter's sexuality until he passes her on to her husband-- like giving away the bride and those staged prom pictures with the dad standing next to the daughter's date with a rifle.

 

Maybe I'd feel differently if they were part of my culture growing up. I'd never heard of such a thing until maybe the mid 90s? It just feels like it crosses a boundary I can't put my finger on.

 

This is what I find creepy about them. The idea of a father-daughter or mother-son dance or dancing with your opposite sex child at their wedding doesn't creep me out. The idea that a father owns a daughter's sexuality until she marries is beyond creepy to me. And it's patriarchy on display. So, I guess it's just the purity balls that I find creepy.

 

I also didn't grow up in that culture. I don't recall any kind of father-daughter stuff growing up. Around here it seems mother-son activities were added to balance the father-daughter stuff. It was as if people complained either because the father-daughter stuff was patriarchal or it left out mothers and sons, so they added the latter to satisfy those people. 

 

I suppose the wedding dances could be seen that same way but I don't view them like that (I don't know why - maybe because that was part of my culture). Sunrise-Sunset never fails to bring me to tears. 

[Elizabeth86]

You maybe need a JAWM tag. :)

 

For the record, I totally agree with you. It also creeps me out big time when people go on dates with their kids. Dating implies a romantic connection or possibility of a connection. So when people say they're having a Daddy-Daughter Date or a Mommy-Son Date or a Mommy-Daughter Date it just... ick. Just call it hanging out or spending time together.

 

So yes, Daddy-Daughter Dances are definitely not anything that's on my family's radar.

I agree with this too. And play date is silly too. Whats wrong with meeting up to play. It seems these days there has to be a word or phrase for everything. Kwim?

[KungFuPanda]

I think part of the problem is that social dancing is a dying art and people can go their whole lives only seeing romantic couples dance. There are so many dances that nobody knows how to do anymore when just a few generations ago, most people had some basic dance skills they could practice at community parties with live music. I remember basic square dancing being part of the p.e. curriculum in the late 70s and early 80s. Today lots of people know the chicken dance and that's not remotely sexy, but it's also not a partner dance.

 

I teach bellydance classes. You could definitely argue that this is a mother-to-daughter dance form, so mother-daughter dancing does, in essence exist on a scale that might surprise you. People get some Hollywood image and think it's this sexualized thing, but at it's heart it's a women's dance and a social dance that is mainly folkloric. I'm inclusive and welcome men to my class, but in a decade of teaching I can count my male students on one hand. I think this is why moth-son dances aren't more prevalent. The moms would go, but getting enough boys who are genuinely interested (especially when they've grown up in a culture where they've not seen many men dance socially) is the real hold up. There are still male dominated dance forms in the world that you could view as a father-son activity, but our culture doesn't really have them.

[Greta]

We have them for girls scouts too.  When I was a kid it was called "Daddy-Daughter" and was always a square dance.  When my daughter was younger it was changed to "Me and My Guy" and had themes like the 50's or a hoe-down.  I've never seen one with limos or over the top dresses.  

 

 

My husband took our daughter to a couple of "Me and My Guy" Girl Scout dances.  It was perfectly normal, with poodle skirts and such - no limos, corsages, or high heels.  Since I was her troop leader and was involved in every Girl Scout activity that she did, I was glad that there was at least one event where he took over!  :D  During those years, he was traveling a lot, and didn't get to spend that much time with her.  So I was honestly grateful for it.  It was just a fun way for them to spend some time together, nothing creepy about it.

 

Now, purity balls, that's creepy.  But I think it would be a tragedy to let creepy purity balls ruin the whole concept of fathers and daughters dancing together!  

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well, I think it would be a little less weird if it was just a general parent and kid dance.  Or family dance.  Why specifically dad/daughter? 

 

 

[Lilaclady]

I think it's creepy that someone could see a dressed up father dancing with his daughter in a pretty dress and have a dark reaction to that image.

 

I also think a "date" is just a day on the calendar to set aside for an event. Play date. Lunch date. Save the date. I don't think I can automatically sexualize a date on the calendar any more than I can sexualize a father dancing with his daughter. At best it's Debbie Downer behavior and at worst it's just creepy.

I love this kungfuPanda. Thank you.

 

My girls have been to a daddy/daughter dance every year since my oldest was about 7. They love it and look forward to it. My DH dances with the girls some and then hangs out with the other dads while the girls run around and dance all the electric slide and cha cha dance they like. We have pictures from every year and we love looking at them.

[Lanny]

OP What you described in post #1 disgusts me, as the Father of a Daughter. I cannot begin to imagine that. It sounds like what High School students do for a Senior Prom, which I think is way over the top, but for a little girl, IMO that is ridiculous. 

[gardenmom5]

I agree with this too. And play date is silly too. Whats wrong with meeting up to play. It seems these days there has to be a word or phrase for everything. Kwim?

 

"words for everything" come up because they are shorter than a phrase.  I have enough trouble getting dudeling to use the entire word, and not shrink that!

 

to me, "date", is not a romantic word.  it's neutral.  (re: "save the date cards". lunch date.)  for those who sexualize it, it reminds me of the pro-lifer having a hissy fit becasue when she miscarried her doctor wrote spontaneous abortion in her chart.  (which is the medical term and medically - it is value-neutral.)

 

My husband took our daughter to a couple of "Me and My Guy" Girl Scout dances.  It was perfectly normal, with poodle skirts and such - no limos, corsages, or high heels.  Since I was her troop leader and was involved in every Girl Scout activity that she did, I was glad that there was at least one event where he took over!   :D  During those years, he was traveling a lot, and didn't get to spend that much time with her.  So I was honestly grateful for it.  It was just a fun way for them to spend some time together, nothing creepy about it.

 

Now, purity balls, that's creepy.  But I think it would be a tragedy to let creepy purity balls ruin the whole concept of fathers and daughters dancing together!  

 

no one would wear high heels with poodle skirts.  the proper shoes are saddle shoes. sheesh.  smh.    :001_tt2:

 

most dancing in itself- is not sexual.  (or has every dance now become synonymous with a tango? which can be extremely sexual.)

sadly - dancing is becoming a lost skill, and there just aren't opportunities much.

 

we did square dancing in pe in elementary school.

 

dh danced and would take "dates" in whom he had no romantic interest because it was an opportunity to go to a nice dance.  we used to attend a new year's dance every year.  one friend always dragged her husband to the dance so she could have one swing with dh. (then she'd leave) it did prompt her dh to learn how to dance.  it didn't bother me, there was nothing "romantic" about it.  she was tiny - and he could throw her all over.  it was one dance.  and if you get into more artsy social dancing (there was one that did regency style country dancing - including costumes) - trading partners was common as it was an opportunity to talk to new people.  nothing romantic at all.

another issue is so much music today -is not a tempo to which you can do a more formal dance step.

 

purity balls - are a whole 'nother ball-o-wax and are disgusting.

 

 

eta: I didn't get enough sleep last night and hit post too soon.

Edited October 1, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Rebel Yell]

The word date does not always have a romantic connotation. I might say I have a dinner date with a friend with zero romantic implications. We do birthday dates in my family--the child gets one on one time with whichever parent they choose wherever they want to go.

Agreed!

 

And although I always despised the term "play date" it's unfortunately necessary in a world where, if play isn't scheduled, it might not happen.

 

Also, I never attended daddy-daughter events, and none of my girls have either. The ones we were aware of were either for particular groups that we didn't belong to (GS, AHG) or were for preschoolers.

 

Prommy dresses, excessive makeup (I'm cool w a touch of sparkly lipgloss on young girls), corsages, limos... that's just weird. Makes me wonder how they'll have to step up the level of expense and show for actual Prom when they're older. Homecoming is already too big of a deal, IMO, like seriously, who needs a $450.00 dress for a three hour dance in your high school gym? :rolleyes:

Edited October 1, 2017 by Rebel Yell

[gardenmom5]

Agreed!

 

And although I always despised the term "play date" it's unfortunately necessary in a world where, if play isn't scheduled, it might not happen.

 

Also, I never attended daddy-daughter events, and none of my girls have either. The ones we were aware of were either for particular groups that we didn't belong to (GS, AHG) or were for preschoolers.

 

Prommy dresses, excessive makeup (I'm cool w a touch of sparkly lipgloss on young girls), corsages, limos... that's just weird. Makes me wonder how they'll have to step up the level of expense and show for actual Prom when they're older. Homecoming is already too big of a deal, IMO, like seriously, who needs a $450.00 dress for a three hour dance in your high school gym? :rolleyes:

 

except they aren't holding it in the gym anymore (at least not here) - it has to be at some fancy schmancy venue. (usually hotels, and the kids will rent a room to spend the night.)  and the restaurant meals!  :svengo:   it's absurd.

 

My niece was living with us for awhile when she was in high school.  for one dance, her group couldn't decide what they wanted to do, so she said "we're going to my uncles".  they got a far nicer dinner than they could have had at a restaurant.   he had them come back here for dessert after the dance.  (fire in the fireplace, chocolate cheesecake with melba sauce, chocolate covered strawberries, something non-alcoholic and sparkly - and adult supervision.)

 

 

[happypamama]

OP What you described in post #1 disgusts me, as the Father of a Daughter. I cannot begin to imagine that. It sounds like what High School students do for a Senior Prom, which I think is way over the top, but for a little girl, IMO that is ridiculous. 

I think that's what leads to the over the top Promposals and all of that nonsense.  Prom was a big enough deal in my day.  Senior girls traditionally wore white to Prom, so many of the girls actually bought wedding gowns, the big foofy kind!  (I thought that was stupid.  I figured it wasn't long before I'd be getting a wedding gown anyway, so I opted for pale blue for Prom.)  What do the girls who get big poofy wedding gowns for Prom do for their weddings??  What do girls who have limos and makeup and poofy dresses at seven do for Prom??  That's so much pressure on everyone, not to mention so much expense.  Kids don't need to be desensitized to specialness too early.

 

(And my own husband would probably somewhat grudgingly go to a daddy-daughter dance with DD if she wanted to go, but he'd probably rather take her to a concert or out kayaking for one-on-one time.  He'd be the type who'd get her a reasonable bouquet of flowers and make a point of holding the door for her, but he'd absolutely draw the line at limo and expensive dresses and all of that.)

[GoodGrief]

I guess I'm the only one with a daughter who would have adored a limo ride with dad. :-) He's way too practical to ever do it, but it would have been a fun memory. My youngest did a father-daughter dance a few years ago. It was fun for her, stressful for her extreme introvert dad. Haven't thought much about it since, lol.

[PeachyDoodle]

OP What you described in post #1 disgusts me, as the Father of a Daughter. I cannot begin to imagine that. It sounds like what High School students do for a Senior Prom, which I think is way over the top, but for a little girl, IMO that is ridiculous. 

 

Yeah, it's not the dancing. Just to clarify. I have no problem with dancing in general, or fathers dancing with their little girls, or wedding dances, or whatever.

 

It's the over-the-top-ness of it all. The make-up and hair and limo rides, etc. are what, to me, make it creepy. It has a very prom-ish vibe that's just icky. Something about playing those roles that have traditionally been associated with the romantic (female dressing up and making herself pretty, male wooing her with fancy dinner/flowers/entertainment, etc.) with your kid weirds me out. Obviously not everybody feels that way, and that's okay. Nobody made me Arbiter of All Things Creepy or anything.

 

I actually remembered this morning that dh and dd did go to a daddy-daughter dance at the YMCA 5 or 6 years ago. It was nothing like this one. Wasn't their cup of tea but not creepy either.

 

So I guess I'm not opposed to the daddy-daughter dance, in theory. Just this particular execution. But then this church does a lot of things I personally find objectionable, so that's probably playing a factor here too.

[marbel]

I agree with this too. And play date is silly too. Whats wrong with meeting up to play. It seems these days there has to be a word or phrase for everything. Kwim?

 

Well, sure there are words and phrases to describe things.  :-)   "Let's plan a time to get together to play" and "let's schedule a playdate" are the same thing really.  I don't get the problem people have with the word "playdate."  As others have said, "date" is a neutral word, just meaning (basically, not talking about the dictionary meaning) "a time set aside to get together" as in lunch date, etc.   

 

When I was a kid we didn't have playdates because we only played with the kids in our neighborhood, whenever people were available. That was nice and all, but I still remember kids from school who lived farther away that I would have liked to spend time with, if only we (kids) and our (stay-at-home) mothers would have thought to schedule playdates.  

Edited October 1, 2017 by marbel

[eternalsummer]

Yes, dancing around the living room floor to dubstep with your kids and sometimes dancing with your wife and sometimes the baby and sometimes the toddler boy and sometimes the girls doesn't bother me in the least.

 

Father and daughter participating in group social dancing, like a square dance, together, doesn't weird me out either.

 

But the explicit paired-ness of it, and all the trappings of actual dates, do weird me out.

[poppy]

We had a local sweet "My & My Guy" that got ruined by parents paying for limos and super fancy dresses and drinking at the event... I mean really.   It was more of a class problem than anything.  Who the &$@#* makes a child dance a game of one-up-manship?   Parents around here apparently.   So it got cancelled.

 

I very much associate it with a political party, for better or worse.  Propsperity gospel and all that encourages conspicuous consumption.

[gardenmom5]

Yeah, it's not the dancing. Just to clarify. I have no problem with dancing in general, or fathers dancing with their little girls, or wedding dances, or whatever.

 

It's the over-the-top-ness of it all. The make-up and hair and limo rides, etc. are what, to me, make it creepy. It has a very prom-ish vibe that's just icky. Something about playing those roles that have traditionally been associated with the romantic (female dressing up and making herself pretty, male wooing her with fancy dinner/flowers/entertainment, etc.) with your kid weirds me out. Obviously not everybody feels that way, and that's okay. Nobody made me Arbiter of All Things Creepy or anything.

 

I actually remembered this morning that dh and dd did go to a daddy-daughter dance at the YMCA 5 or 6 years ago. It was nothing like this one. Wasn't their cup of tea but not creepy either.

 

So I guess I'm not opposed to the daddy-daughter dance, in theory. Just this particular execution. But then this church does a lot of things I personally find objectionable, so that's probably playing a factor here too.

 

those aren't dancing. 

 

you specifically implied you objected to the idea of a father-daughter dance,

when what you were really objecting to was make-up (ridiculous for a 7yo, unless a plain lip gloss), fancy dresses (if the girl has a flower girl dress that fits because she was recently in a wedding, fine.  not going out and buying one), etc. etc.

my girls wore (and wear) dresses on a regular basis - including some very "pretty" ones.  My husband used to wear a suit six days a week.  My dss wear suits at least once a week.  2ds would be six days a week, but he needs to lose some weight and we're not buying him another suit.  (he does wear dress shirt, slacks, and shoes, to work at a cpa firm.)

 

a limo is silly.  but I think limos for prom are silly.

 

the purity balls are creepy - but it is not because it is father-daughter, but that they are sexualizing that relationship as the reason for the stupid ball (and objectifying the daughter).  that's creepy. 

 

I get that they're supposed to be sweet. And cute. And maybe it's because my only girl has never had the slightest interest in putting on a dress for no reason (nor my dh in putting on a suit, for that matter). But seeing all the Facebook pics of the daddy-daughter dance at the local megachurch, with the grown men and their 7-year-olds with their make-up and their corsages and their RENTED LIMOS just makes my skin crawl. I guess it reminds me of those skeezy purity balls. I know, I know... not the same thing exactly. But still. Ick.

[La Condessa]

Not all dancing is romantic, no! I much prefer the non-romantic kind :)

 

We learn to dance at dance lessons, lol. Or by dancing around the house. Or by going to bush dances or square dances or dance workshops, or learning choreography on YouTube. At no time have I needed to pair off with family members in order to dance the kind of 'man lead, woman follow' icky dance that gives me hives.

 

I am not waltzing at a wedding with a male blood relative. I may be a very weird person, but I am not doing it. Actually, scrap the blood relative thing, cos I'm not waltzing around the place with my FIL either.

 

(But I just realised I would feel OK to dance with my grandpa :))

Does any kind of dancing with partners and a lead feel that way to you? Like, swing dancing? My siblings and I were really into swing dancing when we were young. When my brothers were littler, the girls would lead because it worked better, but once they reached their teens and knew the basics, they would usually lead because they were then bigger and stronger, so it worked better to do the fun spinning/flipping moves with the bigger person leading. I have always assumed that was why men traditionally lead in partner dances.

Edited October 1, 2017 by La Condessa

[La Condessa]

I totally agree that purity balls are super creepy, with their sexualization of innocent little girls, and that all of those fancy-romantic-date trappings would make a daddy-daughter dance have some creepy overtones, too. But, a simple, fun, age-appropriate daddy daughter dance for little girls to spend time doing something fun with dad? That's just sweet. I remember going to one with my dad as a kid, and being very impressed with how good my friend and her dad were at doing the twist.

[scoutingmom]

Well, I think it would be a little less weird if it was just a general parent and kid dance. Or family dance. Why specifically dad/daughter?

Well, in my instance it was a girls' group holding it. Others have mentioned girl scouts orginizing one. So that makes sense.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I learned to dance as a child by standing on my dad's feet.  My dad loved to dance.  He could lead like nobody's business and make his partner look good.  My dad did lots of things with my brothers, but, I never had that much of a relationship with him.  I never learned to throw a baseball and couldn't dribble a ball to save my life.  But I could do a mean back walkover and double pirouettes.  But, most of my fond memories of my dad are of dancing.  

 

My parents used to have dinner parties and, after dinner, Dad would put on his favorite Glenn Miller albums and everyone would be dancing.  My little sister and I used to sneak out of our rooms and watch from the top of the stairs.  One night, my mom sat one out because she was tired, and my dad saw me and called me down.  One of my earliest memories of my dad is dancing to "Little Brown Jug" in my flannel PJs with my dad.  In college, on parents weekend, after the football game, we would have a spread back at the house.  Later, they moved all the tables out of the dining room and put on some swing music for dancing.  Mom had some foot problems and sat after one or two.  So Dad pulled me on the dance floor and we cut a rug to "Chattanooga Choo Choo."  When I got married, I was in my late 20s and the whole "Daddy's Little Girl" thing just felt off.  So, when the time came for the obligatory father-daughter dance came on, I had the DJ start with that stupid song and he blended in "In the Mood" as a surprise for my dad.  He asked me "What's this?"  I said "Let's show em how it's done!" and he had a big grin on his face.  That was the last time I danced with my dad. 

 

Dd did a couple of father-daughter dances for girl scouts.  They were usually on a theme and just fun.  Our high school does a father-daughter dance and a mother son brunch on the same weekend each year.  They aren't super fancy, but a way to have the kids spend some quality time with someone they may not spend all that much time with.  The seniors can nominate their parent for either "King Dad' or "Queen Mom".  It is very sweet and not creepy.  It is kind of neat to see kids who are just too cool for everything setting that aside to spend some time with a parent (or an uncle or grandpa or something.)  

[Farrar]

I think it's maybe impossible to separate out the idea of a daddy-daughter dance in general from the reality of how they are done. Nothing wrong with a parent-child dance, even a slightly fancy one. It's more the cultural things around it that make me uncomfortable.

 

But also, the exclusionary aspect for daughters with no fathers or close male family isn't so great either.

[Elizabeth86]

Well, sure there are words and phrases to describe things. :-) "Let's plan a time to get together to play" and "let's schedule a playdate" are the same thing really. I don't get the problem people have with the word "playdate." As others have said, "date" is a neutral word, just meaning (basically, not talking about the dictionary meaning) "a time set aside to get together" as in lunch date, etc.

 

When I was a kid we didn't have playdates because we only played with the kids in our neighborhood, whenever people were available. That was nice and all, but I still remember kids from school who lived farther away that I would have liked to spend time with, if only we (kids) and our (stay-at-home) mothers would have thought to schedule playdates.

No, its just that I kind of hate all these young people sounding words. It makes me feel old and it sounds so silly to me. I would never say lets plan a play date. I would say lets get the kids together to play sometime. Cutsie sounding words and phrases. Bleh. Come on someone jawm. Im off topic so I will quit.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm not ready to shake my cane at all these young whippersnappers, and I hope that I never am. We're not really a dance family (with the exception of Zumba, which I love) but I am all for activities that people can share. And since I don't expect everyone to have my exact set of likes and dislikes, I think it's great to have a variety of activities.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[kewb]

Parent child dances don't creep me out. I think the idea is sweet. Not with with limos and over the top stuff.

Purity ball, otoh, way creepy.

[Farrar]

Saying I'm mildly uncomfortable with it is definitely not shaking my cane though. I mean, that's my own opinion. But I'm not stopping anyone from doing it. I wouldn't even say anything if someone told me they'd done it. In fact, I never have. I feel like this just falls into the category of all the things that we all have opinions about but aren't trying to start mommy wars over. At least, I'm not. But I can still look at them critically and think, huh, I wouldn't do that. Seems like all the attitudes that led to the creation of it aren't in keeping with my personal values.

[marbel]

No, its just that I kind of hate all these young people sounding words. It makes me feel old and it sounds so silly to me. I would never say lets plan a play date. I would say lets get the kids together to play sometime. Cutsie sounding words and phrases. Bleh. Come on someone jawm. Im off topic so I will quit.

 

LOL I'm not trying to argue.  I think it's kind of funny how people have words that they dislike or whatever.  I don't see much difference between "playdate" and "babysitting." Not as if they mean the same thing, but they are words that describe something easily and quickly.  When someone wants my daughter to stay with their kids while they go out, they say "can you babysit on x day at y time?" regardless of the child's/children's age(s).

 

:-)

 

BTW I am 61 and though I had my kids late in life, 15-20 years ago when my kids were little, the moms all planned playdates.  So I don't think of it as a young-sounding word.  :-)

[Word Nerd]

Pretty sure I didn't say 'disgusting'. I said 'weird to me'.

 

 

I was referring to the puking smiley in a PP. Puking equals disgust in my book.

[gardenmom5]

I learned to dance as a child by standing on my dad's feet.  My dad loved to dance.  He could lead like nobody's business and make his partner look good.  My dad did lots of things with my brothers, but, I never had that much of a relationship with him.  I never learned to throw a baseball and couldn't dribble a ball to save my life.  But I could do a mean back walkover and double pirouettes.  But, most of my fond memories of my dad are of dancing.  

 

My parents used to have dinner parties and, after dinner, Dad would put on his favorite Glenn Miller albums and everyone would be dancing.  My little sister and I used to sneak out of our rooms and watch from the top of the stairs.  One night, my mom sat one out because she was tired, and my dad saw me and called me down.  One of my earliest memories of my dad is dancing to "Little Brown Jug" in my flannel PJs with my dad.  In college, on parents weekend, after the football game, we would have a spread back at the house.  Later, they moved all the tables out of the dining room and put on some swing music for dancing.  Mom had some foot problems and sat after one or two.  So Dad pulled me on the dance floor and we cut a rug to "Chattanooga Choo Choo."  When I got married, I was in my late 20s and the whole "Daddy's Little Girl" thing just felt off.  So, when the time came for the obligatory father-daughter dance came on, I had the DJ start with that stupid song and he blended in "In the Mood" as a surprise for my dad.  He asked me "What's this?"  I said "Let's show em how it's done!" and he had a big grin on his face.  That was the last time I danced with my dad. 

 

Dd did a couple of father-daughter dances for girl scouts.  They were usually on a theme and just fun.  Our high school does a father-daughter dance and a mother son brunch on the same weekend each year.  They aren't super fancy, but a way to have the kids spend some quality time with someone they may not spend all that much time with.  The seniors can nominate their parent for either "King Dad' or "Queen Mom".  It is very sweet and not creepy.  It is kind of neat to see kids who are just too cool for everything setting that aside to spend some time with a parent (or an uncle or grandpa or something.)  

 

 

Those sound like wonderful memories with your dad.  thank you for sharing.

[Rebel Yell]

 

Rebel Yell, on 01 Oct 2017 - 12:04 PM, said:

Agreed!

 

And although I always despised the term "play date" it's unfortunately necessary in a world where, if play isn't scheduled, it might not happen.

 

Also, I never attended daddy-daughter events, and none of my girls have either. The ones we were aware of were either for particular groups that we didn't belong to (GS, AHG) or were for preschoolers.

 

Prommy dresses, excessive makeup (I'm cool w a touch of sparkly lipgloss on young girls), corsages, limos... that's just weird. Makes me wonder how they'll have to step up the level of expense and show for actual Prom when they're older. Homecoming is already too big of a deal, IMO, like seriously, who needs a $450.00 dress for a three hour dance in your high school gym? :rolleyes:

except they aren't holding it in the gym anymore (at least not here) - it has to be at some fancy schmancy venue. (usually hotels, and the kids will rent a room to spend the night.)  and the restaurant meals!  :svengo:   it's absurd.

 

My niece was living with us for awhile when she was in high school.  for one dance, her group couldn't decide what they wanted to do, so she said "we're going to my uncles".  they got a far nicer dinner than they could have had at a restaurant.   he had them come back here for dessert after the dance.  (fire in the fireplace, chocolate cheesecake with melba sauce, chocolate covered strawberries, something non-alcoholic and sparkly - and adult supervision.)

Ugh, sounds more like Proms here... one is held at the major league football stadium!

I do like the idea of coming back to the house for fireplace and food. I wish I had the type of home that was suited to a crowd.

 

  

I learned to dance as a child by standing on my dad's feet.  My dad loved to dance.  He could lead like nobody's business and make his partner look good.  My dad did lots of things with my brothers, but, I never had that much of a relationship with him.  I never learned to throw a baseball and couldn't dribble a ball to save my life.  But I could do a mean back walkover and double pirouettes.  But, most of my fond memories of my dad are of dancing.  

 

My parents used to have dinner parties and, after dinner, Dad would put on his favorite Glenn Miller albums and everyone would be dancing.  My little sister and I used to sneak out of our rooms and watch from the top of the stairs.  One night, my mom sat one out because she was tired, and my dad saw me and called me down.  One of my earliest memories of my dad is dancing to "Little Brown Jug" in my flannel PJs with my dad.  In college, on parents weekend, after the football game, we would have a spread back at the house.  Later, they moved all the tables out of the dining room and put on some swing music for dancing.  Mom had some foot problems and sat after one or two.  So Dad pulled me on the dance floor and we cut a rug to "Chattanooga Choo Choo."  When I got married, I was in my late 20s and the whole "Daddy's Little Girl" thing just felt off.  So, when the time came for the obligatory father-daughter dance came on, I had the DJ start with that stupid song and he blended in "In the Mood" as a surprise for my dad.  He asked me "What's this?"  I said "Let's show em how it's done!" and he had a big grin on his face.  That was the last time I danced with my dad. 

 

Dd did a couple of father-daughter dances for girl scouts.  They were usually on a theme and just fun.  Our high school does a father-daughter dance and a mother son brunch on the same weekend each year.  They aren't super fancy, but a way to have the kids spend some quality time with someone they may not spend all that much time with.  The seniors can nominate their parent for either "King Dad' or "Queen Mom".  It is very sweet and not creepy.  It is kind of neat to see kids who are just too cool for everything setting that aside to spend some time with a parent (or an uncle or grandpa or something.)

 

I'm SOOOOOOOO jealous. I LOVE Glenn Miller!

[rocassie]

One of our local girl troops does it as their main fundraiser for the year.  I believe it is a Daddy/Daughter dance but the flyer specifically states - fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, uncles, brothers, and other adult males (I can't remember exactly how it is phrased.)  Mom's run the dance and all the behind the scenes.  The boy troop also hosts a Mommy/Son dance later in the year, and the dad's (other males) run the dance and all the behind the scenes.  They often do a theme - like square dancing, line dancing, swing dancing, etc.  As a general rule they don't have any "slow" dancing, although I think one year they had instruction on the waltz.  It is dress to the occasion, but it is a lot more casual than what you are seeing.  That would really bother me too.

 

My girls never been because it conflicts with a prior family obligation every year but I think they would really enjoy having a fun evening with my husband, especially since my oldest loves to dance and get into costume.    In our area the girl troops are almost exclusively run by the moms so I think events like this are a great opportunity to spend that "special" time with dad (or other male) and vice versa.  Although a lot of moms are involved in the boy scouting often because there isn't a significant male role model in the boy's life.  

 

It probably makes a difference that in my neck of the wood's the term "date" is not used exclusively to mean "romantic."

[poppy]

Father-Daughter is not a term I'd use.  The sweetness the term brings to girls with a father at home is far outbalanced by potential exclusion for girls who don't.

 

I've heard it called a Princess & FROG dance.  Father Relative or Other Guy.

My girl scout troop has girls with single moms, and girls with lesbian married moms, and they always manage to bring a guy.  But, personally, my favorite term is Sweetheart Dance.  Usually, but not always, a father-guy relative. If you bring mom instead, that's OK.

 

 

 

[Dmmetler]

Well, my DD's dance studio was about 95% girls. So, by being for the kids in the studio and their friends, it ended up mostly being girls and a parent, and mostly the little ones (age 3 to maybe 8 or so), because the older girls were putting on the dance as their fundraiser for competition travel. Siblings could attend, but for the most part, the boys and older girls didn't want to. That was kind of where the tradition of the moms and sibs meeting for pizza and skeeball came in, and we could take any non-participating sibs with us so that a single mom could take her DD who wanted to participate (just like we'd keep the girls so their mom could take their brother to Cub Scout activities).

 

It was during winter, so DD always wore whatever dress she had for Christmas pictures. I don't think anyone bought a dress just for the dance. I do admit that DH bought DD a little bitty wrist corsage the first year. Gifts are his love language. I don't know that any other parents did, though.

[marbel]

Father-Daughter is not a term I'd use.  The sweetness the term brings to girls with a father at home is far outbalanced by potential exclusion for girls who don't.

 

I've heard it called a Princess & FROG dance.  Father Relative or Other Guy.

My girl scout troop has girls with single moms, and girls with lesbian married moms, and they always manage to bring a guy.  But, personally, my favorite term is Sweetheart Dance.  Usually, but not always, a father-guy relative. If you bring mom instead, that's OK.

 

I wouldn't have any problem changing the name from Father/Daughter to avoid feelings of exclusion though often girls with fathers were excluded anyway. (Dads in the military who were deployed... dads who had to work those hours... etc etc. Dads who, like mine, wouldn't do something like that. Maybe it bothered people more than I picked up on.)  But no no no to calling it "princess and frog" dance. Ugh. My daughter is not a princess and her father is not a frog.  And doesn't "sweetheart" dance have a romantic connotation?

 

("You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" - isn't that how that saying goes?)

[poppy]

I wouldn't have any problem changing the name from Father/Daughter to avoid feelings of exclusion though often girls with fathers were excluded anyway. (Dads in the military who were deployed... dads who had to work those hours... etc etc. Dads who, like mine, wouldn't do something like that. Maybe it bothered people more than I picked up on.)  But no no no to calling it "princess and frog" dance. Ugh. My daughter is not a princess and her father is not a frog.  And doesn't "sweetheart" dance have a romantic connotation?

 

("You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" - isn't that how that saying goes?)

 

Yeah, I don't love "princess", I could do a FROG dance.

Most often they're called He & She or Me & My Guy.  Eh.  Artless, but OK.

[Starr]

I don't really get a dance where little girls dance and run around while the dad's chat. Why not have a family dance?

[Guest]

I think there should be family dances where everyone learns how to do one of those communal English country things ala Pride and Prejudice.  Now that would be fun.

[PeachyDoodle]

I think there should be family dances where everyone learns how to do one of those communal English country things ala Pride and Prejudice.  Now that would be fun.

 

We learned the Virginia Reel in middle school and it was a blast!

 

[Barb_]

I think there should be family dances where everyone learns how to do one of those communal English country things ala Pride and Prejudice. Now that would be fun.

I'd go to that!

[Barb_]

We learned the Virginia Reel in middle school and it was a blast!

 

My daughter's former roommate is a professional violinist/fiddle player who has a bluegrass band. She spends a lot of the year touring Europe, but was able to join us for thanksgiving. We pretended to square dance because we didn't know how, we sang along to turkey in the straw and cried along to Tennessee waltz. It was the most fun thanksgiving we ever had. Edited October 2, 2017 by Barb_

[Caroline]

We learned the Virginia Reel in middle school and it was a blast!

 

We did, too! And we square danced and line danced and...

[Zinnia]

So do they have mom/son dances?

 

And if you don't have a dad in your life?  Are you SOL? 

 

Around here, they do family dances.

 

My sons think they sound horrible, so we have not gone.  

[CadenceSophia]

Sweet daddy-daughter dance events like the one's sponsored by YMCA are fine. A father and daughter of any age dancing together at a wedding or other event is fun and sweet. Purity balls are creepy. Going out on a "father/daughter" or "mother/son" date - creepy. Families can spend one on one time with each other, even planned time, without adding the "date" element into it. It's called "Let's go play Putt-Putt tomorrow." Or "Do you want to get some ice cream with me?"

So you obviously have something associated with the word date that many people don't have. It's semantics, not a fundamental issue in the relationships. I take my kids on dates in rotating order when I have another adult around to watch the others. It is that thing you were saying, family one on one time, without all the extra words. I don't even know what "date element" you are referencing because obviously there is no courtship.

There are so many uses of the word "date" outside of datING.

[Rebel Yell]

Father-Daughter is not a term I'd use.  The sweetness the term brings to girls with a father at home is far outbalanced by potential exclusion for girls who don't.

 

I've heard it called a Princess & FROG dance.  Father Relative or Other Guy.

My girl scout troop has girls with single moms, and girls with lesbian married moms, and they always manage to bring a guy.  But, personally, my favorite term is Sweetheart Dance.  Usually, but not always, a father-guy relative. If you bring mom instead, that's OK.

I LOVE "FROG"- I think it's hilarious! Sweetheart sounds more romantic-datey to me

 

But honestly, I don't care (too much LOL) what any group calls it as long as it isn't some purity ball type of event. From the responses here it sounds like one person's "perfect!" is another person's "Eeeew!"

[SKL]

I would just say as a single mom of girls, I don't think that allowing girls to bring "other guys" takes away from the fact that this is an in-your-face reminder that most little girls have dads at home and we don't.  I'm fine with there being a dance we don't go to because it's not about us.  I'm not fine with being pressured to find some guy to stand in as a date for my elementary-age daughters.

 

As long as the dad-daughter and mom-son dances aren't the only opportunity to be social, as long as there is no penalty for skipping them, then fine.

 

Separately, this thread has me feeling sorry that my kids don't have a dancer in the home to teach them.  I personally could never dance in front of people, so I never learned.  The standing on daddy's shoes really wasn't enough.  :P  I mean I can fake it at a wedding if I have to (yes I think it's great that men lead, otherwise what would I do).  My mom even taught me how to polka - not sure I could remember it now.  In jr. high gym, we (girls only) were forced to learn a couple stupid line dances that involved grabbing the butt of the girl in front of you.  Eew.  Mostly I hid from dancing as much as I could.  :P  My kids would probably like to be able to dance with me and learn some moves at home.  Alas, one more way I have deprived them.  :P

 

If feasible, I'd love for my girls to take latin dance classes.  I looks beautiful and fun, and hopefully would translate more or less to an actual dance event.

[Frances]

I think there should be family dances where everyone learns how to do one of those communal English country things ala Pride and Prejudice. Now that would be fun.

We have English country dance and contra dancing classes and parties here that are open to all ages. We attended a wedding reception once where they taught contra dancing because the bride and groom met contra dancing.

 

In high school PE in the 80s, we had a full unit on square dancing and another on ballroom dancing. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, and we even had a school wide dance competition at the end of the ballroom unit. Growing up in the rural Midwest, normally if anyone had a dance as part of their wedding, they advertised it separately as open to everyone, and attendees donated money to the couple at the dance. It was fun seeing people of all different ages dance to a wide variety of music.

[Farrar]

There are family dances around here too. And I can't convince my family to go, not even my ballet dancer. Dh did come to the outdoor square dance they hold in the park here, but just once. I was like, and now we can do the next one...? He was like, no.

[alisoncooks]

I think there should be family dances where everyone learns how to do one of those communal English country things ala Pride and Prejudice.  Now that would be fun.

The only time I have ever seen my dad dance (and ever danced with my dad) was at a father-daughter type square dance. But all the dances were group dances. (It may have been whole family, I can't remember.). And we DEFINITELY didn't have limos, LOL.

 

Dancing just was not a thing in my family culture.

[desertstrawberry5]

I haven't seen the crazy, over the top stuff. 

My school had a father daughter dance that was a bit of a rite of passage. We had dance classes for a month, and the dance was at the end. Not everyone went, but many did. It felt a bit like an entrance into adolescence. We were 12. It was not weird. 

Most of the community centers here hold father-daughter dances and mother-daughter teas. Tori will be old enough next year, and I can. not. wait. She is SUCH a girlie girl. It will be so special for her to dress up and do something fancy. Her daddy usually doesn't do things like that with her, so I think the father-daughter dance will be extra special for them. 

I do let her wear some makeup when she asks, so I'm sure she will be one of tawdry little girls with mascara and face powder on. I don't care. 

Edited October 2, 2017 by desertstrawberry5

[ErinE]

One of my most precious memories is when my father danced with me at my wedding. He bawled like a baby.

 

Me, too. I realized when he died it was the last photo of the two of us together.