Mom out and about with sons question...

[vonfirmath]

Sketchy things do happen in men's rooms - do you know what "cruising" is? I wouldn't want my husband to bring my daughter into one, if only because of the open urinals, but we're talking about a child going in alone and people get concerned about that for a reason, whatever the stats may be. And actually who really knows what the stats are on flashers etc., which aren't always reported. People have different ideas about what she should do but it doesn't fly with me to put her down for at least wanting to think it through.

 

I keep thinking about the stories about boys raped in McDonald's restrooms:

 

http://crimefeed.com/2015/08/homeless-man-arrested-alleged-sexual-assault-6-year-old-boy-mcdonalds-bathroom/

 

Here are two boys assaulted at McDonald's -- Dad was waiting outside as is often suggested for moms to do. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/man-jailed-for-raping-boy-of-seven-119130

 

2 10 year olds in a Dave & Buster's Restroom: http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/Boy-Sexually-Assaulted-in-Dave--Busters-Bathroom-282331091.html

 

7 year old in another restroom: http://wgntv.com/2014/05/02/boy-assaulted-in-restaurant-bathroom-police-seek-suspect/

 

9 year old boy in a Walmart bathroom: http://wkbn.com/2014/06/13/boy-says-man-grabbed-him-in-wal-mart-bathroom/

 

10 year old at Wendy's: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/adam-lee-brown-hiv-positive-sex-offender-assaulted-boy-10-at-wendys-bathroom-portland-police-say/

 

I also remember a string of attacks at rest areas in the Georgia/S Carolina/Florida area that make me hesitant to stop after dark.

[foxbridgeacademy]

8 year old goes with me to the bathroom, if he's funny about it he can go in the men's room while I wait at the door then go in the women's with me and face the wall but no way am I leaving my kid outside while I deal with a 4 year old.

[My4arrows]

I'm a mom of 4 boys and typically when we are all out without DH I take them all in the women's with me including my 9 yo. It's easier for me. I know he's not messing around in the men's room. And since I have toddlers it takes me awhile to help them and go myself. If we are at a restaurant my older two will go into the men's room on their own while I either watch from the table.

 

If traveling on my own (even without kids) I tend to do restaurants. I prefer Starbucks since they are the individual bathrooms and if that's the case I do allow my older ones to go on their own when they are with me. I've found Starbucks tend to be neat exits so very little wasted time and gives me a chance to grab a drink and possibly a snack for the kids if needed in the same time to use the restrooms.

[fdrinca]

I don't know where on the I-95 corridor you will be, but it looks as though only MD, PA, and CT have laws regarding leaving children in cars. In MD and PA, your 9-year-old son would be fine. In CT, there is squishy language about length of time in car and danger levels.

 

This is just to say that in your case, I'd escort older son to bathroom, see him safely leave and into the car, and then take younger son to ladies' room with me. I'd perhaps mix up the order depending on who needs the restroom the most ;)

 

I have little problem leaving children in a car if they can safely leave a car and know where I am in case of an emergency if I am running a 5 minute errand like using the restroom.

 

At a rest stop, though, I would not bat any eyes as a child who was sitting at a table by himself, on a bench by himself, or standing outside the ladies room door by himself.

 

And what would our options be if your DH were traveling with two daughters?

[rose]

Small gas stations are another thought. They often have one toilet bathrooms. You can then all go in together and just have the boys turn around while you go. Does Walmart have family restrooms? I vaguely remember something like that.

 

If it were me, I'd leave them outside the door and instruct older ds to hold the hand of younger ds and then make a dash. You could even skip your hands and just use sanitizer in the car.

[Sherry in OH]

Walmart, Target, and most other large retail establishments have family restrooms.   If I were concerned about sending my sons into men's rooms I would stop at those instead of highway rest stops, although many highway rest stops do have family restrooms.   

 

My 9 year old is quite sensitive.  He would not want to use a women's restroom.  If I forced him to enter one and he overheard any negative comments about his being in there, he would be crushed.    I send my two boys to the men's room together.  They wait outside the women's room or on a nearby bench while I use the women's room.  

 

 

 

[LMD]

Yeah, look, I am definitely paranoid on this issue. It does happen. Car crashes also happen, so I mitigate the risks - seat belts, safe driving, well maintained car etc.

A child alone in a men's room is more at risk than women in the women's room from a supervised child. Men are statistically the violent, sexual offenders. I do not expect that a child being attacked would be able to call out out for help or fight back.

[ByGrace3]

No, abductions of young children in the U.S. for human trafficking is not a real issue. It just isn't, and it gets old seeing a real issue (human trafficking of teens/women) being misused.

Actually, child trafficking in the US most certainly IS a thing. While the statistics of trafficking of teens and woman are obviously higher, children of all ages are kidnapped and sold. It happens. It's real. I'm not saying that letting your child go into the men's restroom alone at 8 years old is negligent or overly risky...if you are comfortable with it...carry on. I am saying that I have weighed the risks and for me personally, we have chosen a different path. No matter what you decide for your family, you cannot ignore the reality of child trafficking, which certainly does exist. A child was abducted 2 blocks from a friends home last week...she was found across the US with other child victims from our area in the car... This is real.

[Paige]

I would have older keep an eye on younger right outside the ladies' room door and not think twice. I would try to stop at restaurants and gas stations instead of rest stops with larger bathrooms and wouldn't stop anywhere that looked shady. I think 8 is plenty old enough to watch 4yr old by the door for a few minutes if there's no special needs involved. 

[Liz CA]

I've done that.  Stand at the doorway of the men's room and yell in several times.  I'm sure I looked insane.  LOL 

 

So did I but do we care? NOOO.

I don't agree with the poster who said every time we share what we do we imply that if others choose differently they are being obtuse about potential dangers. We all live in different areas, rural, urban, suburban, geographically different, various cultures...everyone makes the decision that feels right for them.

 

Edited July 1, 2017 by Liz CA

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Actually, child trafficking in the US most certainly IS a thing. While the statistics of trafficking of teens and woman are obviously higher, children of all ages are kidnapped and sold. It happens. It's real. I'm not saying that letting your child go into the men's restroom alone at 8 years old is negligent or overly risky...if you are comfortable with it...carry on. I am saying that I have weighed the risks and for me personally, we have chosen a different path. No matter what you decide for your family, you cannot ignore the reality of child trafficking, which certainly does exist. A child was abducted 2 blocks from a friends home last week...she was found across the US with other child victims from our area in the car... This is real.

 

I would love to see the news article on the child abducted from your area, along with the statistics you seem to have regarding the number of young children abducted and sold.  The FBI and the NCMEC doesn't seem to have anything like that so I am wondering where you are getting your information.

 

The population group most at risk (by far) is teen runaways.

[ByGrace3]

 

The population group most at risk (by far) is teen runaways.

I'm not arguing this point. Teens are more at risk...but the other exists as well. I am packing for vacation or would be happy to search for you...

[StephanieZ]

I would NOT use restrooms in rest areas unless there is a family bathroom you can all go into together. 

 

I'd stop at fast food places, and do whatever you already do when you use public bathrooms. (When my son was  9, I'd stand outside the bathroom door while my son was in the bathroom -- and, yep, yelling in every minute or so . . . and drag the 4 year old in with me to the ladies room . . . and drag them both in with me when I had to use it . . . except maybe the 9 year old if I felt very comfortable with the location . . . But, on a road trip, they'd generally be with me in a family restroom or a ladies room.

Edited July 1, 2017 by StephanieZ

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I'm not arguing this point. Teens are more at risk...but the other exists as well. I am packing for vacation or would be happy to search for you...

I'll wait. You said earlier that children are frequently abducted at gas stations and after an extensive search last night I have to declare shenanigans on that without further evidence.

 

I also couldn't find the story about the young child snatched for trafficking and discovered in a car with other abducted children. It seems that would be a major news story.

[SparklyUnicorn]

So did I but do we care? NOOO.

I don't agree with the poster who said every time we share what we do we imply that if others choose differently they are being obtuse about potential dangers. We all live in different areas, rural, urban, suburban, geographically different, various cultures...everyone makes the decision that feels right for them.

 

Ya know, I've never had a guy get wigged out over this.  Women are the ones who flip about bathroom shi*. 

[winterbaby]

I don't know where on the I-95 corridor you will be, but it looks as though only MD, PA, and CT have laws regarding leaving children in cars. In MD and PA, your 9-year-old son would be fine. In CT, there is squishy language about length of time in car and danger levels.

 

This is just to say that in your case, I'd escort older son to bathroom, see him safely leave and into the car, and then take younger son to ladies' room with me. I'd perhaps mix up the order depending on who needs the restroom the most ;)

 

I have little problem leaving children in a car if they can safely leave a car and know where I am in case of an emergency if I am running a 5 minute errand like using the restroom.

 

At a rest stop, though, I would not bat any eyes as a child who was sitting at a table by himself, on a bench by himself, or standing outside the ladies room door by himself.

 

And what would our options be if your DH were traveling with two daughters?

 

I really wouldn't leave a kid in the car. If he's to be left unattended that should be as close to you as possible, waiting outside the bathroom door, not all the way out in the car. Particularly not at an interstate rest area. But again I would use businesses rather than rest areas.

[2squared]

I can tell you what I did and continue to do. We spend most of our drive time in the Midwest.

 

First, we never stop at rest stations. We all use the restroom when we stop for gas and food, which is every two or three hours. If a boy needs to use the toilet in-between scheduled stops, we usually pull over and he goes in the grass. We do make an extra stop for girls.

 

Gas stations and fast food locations usually have one or two stall restrooms. My 9yo would take the 4yo to the restroom with him, and they would wait for the girls outside the restroom when they are done. If the 4yo was in a mood and I didn't think he would listen to his older brother, he would have to come with me.

 

If I forced my 9yo ds to use the women's restroom (which they would be extremely upset about), they would not be going in a stall with me.

[Guest]

Single mom with a nine year old son here with flameproof suit on.

 

My son is cute and friendly and sociable and loves people. When in doubt, he comes into the ladies room with me. He likes to wear his hair long and he has sensory issues so all he wears is sweats and comfy clothes that are unisex.

 

Most people don't even notice. I'm sure he gets mistaken for a transgirl all the time but nobody says anything and neither of us think there is anything wrong with transgirls anyway so who cares?

[Pink and Green Mom]

Off the wall suggestion (sorry I only read the first page of responses, so not sure if this was brought up later) - have you considered the Auto Train? Bathrooms are single stall.  We did the auto train once and while it isn't exactly the most restful night of your life, I would prefer it to driving solo with two kids down I95.

[heartlikealion]

Haven't read all the responses. I have a 9 yr old boy. I have this problem everytime we go out in public. Sometimes I let him stand outside and sometimes I make him come inside. When he comes inside I try to get him to stay out of the way and if there's room to stand away from the stalls. Yesterday we went to a restroom in the mall. He came inside the restroom with me which was empty. I was in the stall and then a whole family came in. Boys and girls, younger children. I thought I heard a girl comment on a boy being in the bathroom (ds). When I came out of the stall I saw that one of the moms was using the changing table to change a girl (older than I would use a changing table for). I instructed ds to leave the restroom and wait outside while I washed my hands. I discussed it with him when we left. To be honest I might have made them more uncomfortable than ds did because I peered around the corner to see if the girl was strapped to the changing table when her mom walked away to grab a paper towel or something. I wasn't trying to leer, but I was worried about a child being left on the table.

 

So yeah, we deal with this often and I never know what the "right" thing to do is. I guess I just try to follow my gut. Sometimes that means choosing a different place. Like we were in the mall but instead of using the overcrowded food court restroom where ds would be standing there and having people maybe wonder what he's doing alone or potentially being approached I chose a restroom in a different part of the mall inside a dept. store.

[heartlikealion]

Oh yeah and we have a million Walmarts in my state so when I go anywhere I know I can *usually* find a Family bathroom inside a Walmart. I will lug ds and dd in there if necessary and just have him look the other direction lol. I have been known to awkwardly pull my whole shopping cart into the family restroom with dd in the front seat and ds standing next to her to make sure she doesn't try to tip it or anything. My father has the same type of issue because he has to assist my mother in the restroom. So they generally just go to places like Walmart and Target to use family bathrooms.

[Desert Strawberry]

I would love to see the news article on the child abducted from your area, along with the statistics you seem to have regarding the number of young children abducted and sold.  The FBI and the NCMEC doesn't seem to have anything like that so I am wondering where you are getting your information.

 

The population group most at risk (by far) is teen runaways.

 

my understanding-and i am by no means an expert-is that high risk children are most at risk for trafficking. They are usually sold by parents who are addicts or otherwise unstable and high risk, or otherwise trafficked by their caregivers. these kids are easy pickings. Why abduct a middle class child of loving parents when there are plenty of readily available neglected children with no one to call together a media circus? 

[3 ladybugs]

Off the wall suggestion (sorry I only read the first page of responses, so not sure if this was brought up later) - have you considered the Auto Train? Bathrooms are single stall.  We did the auto train once and while it isn't exactly the most restful night of your life, I would prefer it to driving solo with two kids down I95.

I just looked up the Auto Train and it is out of my budget. It would be about $1000 round trip.  :ohmy:

 

I also looked at it (auto train or otherwise) for our next trip in November and it looks like it isn't practicle then either. However, hopefully we will be able to take another trip down next summer (the boys... and whoever else may come and I. Probably not daddy) and that we will take the train for... provided we don't go to New Mexico next May. 

[Farrar]

my understanding-and i am by no means an expert-is that high risk children are most at risk for trafficking. They are usually sold by parents who are addicts or otherwise unstable and high risk, or otherwise trafficked by their caregivers. these kids are easy pickings. Why abduct a middle class child of loving parents when there are plenty of readily available neglected children with no one to call together a media circus? 

 

This is my understanding as well. I'm not saying that child trafficking doesn't happen in the US. it absolutely does. But the children who are trafficked, as I understand this, are children who are already vulnerable because of poverty, crime, immigration status, drugs, and other factors. When children who don't fit the profile are abducted, it's rare, and it's more likely to be a crime in the moment. And honestly, it can happen anywhere. Bathrooms are not somehow more horrible than parks, libraries, walking around in the neighborhood, getting on the subway, and a huge host of other things my kids did alone at age 9. Heck, with the bathroom at a rest area, I'm literally standing right outside. Or, they're standing in the rest area and I'm using the bathroom for two minutes. My kids are objectively more vulnerable walking to the corner park alone because I don't expect to see them for at least half an hour or more.

 

But, really, everyone should do their own thing. Even though I think it's unnecessary and mildly inappropriate to take an older child in the opposite gender bathroom, as long as the person in question is not behaving in a threatening manner, I don't call out or call the cops on anyone of any age or gender appearance in any public bathroom.

[Guest]

I was scared to look, but wow, no flames? Not even one? It is ridiculous that we all have to go through so much hassle just to pee. Giving birth to a boy isn't a crime. What a waste of time and energy. I am so sorry that we all have to deal with this.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

my understanding-and i am by no means an expert-is that high risk children are most at risk for trafficking. They are usually sold by parents who are addicts or otherwise unstable and high risk, or otherwise trafficked by their caregivers. these kids are easy pickings. Why abduct a middle class child of loving parents when there are plenty of readily available neglected children with no one to call together a media circus?

You are 100% correct. From a criminal economic view point, child abduction would have a substantially higher risk for the same return they would get from a child acquired otherwise.

 

It a young child is being trafficked, 99.9% of the time a parent or guardian is involved.

[heartlikealion]

They are having a human trafficking talk coming up later this month about an hour from me. I am really curious what they have to say there (to discuss our area specifically). But I doubt I will make it because it's an area I don't know well and will be at night.

 

If anyone here has seen the show American Housewife there's an episode where they have a discussion similar to what I see on the boards. One parent says, "statistically kids are safer now" and the other parent says, "but statistics don't mean anything if your kid is affected" or something to that effect. They go on to use a drone to try to watch their child walk to the library lol.

[MistyMountain]

The chance of a stranger abducting or raping a child they do not know is statistically extremely low. The chances of walking in on people having sex in a well used bathroom is not high. A flasher could occur anywhere. If there are rape cases we hear about it now but the chances of it happening are low and it can happen other places besides a bathroom including your own house as happen in a local case. It actually happened to girls in bathrooms too. A rest stop is no more unsafe then somewhere else. It has places to eat and bathrooms for people traveling. If someone was disturbed and wanted to hurt someone I do not think they would pick a crowded bathroom with lots of people going through and lots of stalls being used. There are advantages to letting kids have increasingly more responsibility and handle things independently. You should not do things you do not feel comfortable with and no matter if you bring him in or let him go himself it will be fine but it is not dangerous to let a 8 or 9 year old use a bathroom by themselves or wait outside a door for a short while by themselves.

Edited July 1, 2017 by MistyMountain

[winterbaby]

The chance of a stranger abducting or raping a child they do not know is statistically extremely low. The chances of walking in on people having sex in a well used bathroom is not high. A flasher could occur anywhere. If there are rape cases we hear about it now but the chances of it happening are low and it can happen other places besides a bathroom including your own house as happen in a local case. It actually happened to girls in bathrooms too. A rest stop is no more unsafe then somewhere else. It has places to eat and bathrooms for people traveling. If someone was disturbed and wanted to hurt someone I do not think they would pick a crowded bathroom with lots of people going through and lots of stalls being used. There are advantages to letting kids have increasingly more responsibility and handle things independently. You should not do things you do not feel comfortable with and no matter if you bring him in or let him go himself it will be fine but it is not dangerous to let a 8 or 9 year old use a bathroom by themselves or wait outside a door for a short while by themselves.

 

When assessing risk you have to consider not only the chance of the thing happening, but how severe it is if it does happen. A very low chance of my child being sexually assaulted is worth more concern than a similarly low chance of say, my purse being stolen. I think most parents are strongly interested in reducing the chance as close to zero as possible without stunting their child's social development. I don't believe it hurts a young child's independence to supervise them more closely when traveling along the interstate than in familiar environments close to home. It's certainly not the context I would choose for branching out into new forms of independence for the first time. Even just as an adult on my own, I am more aware of personal safety issues while traveling on the road compared to doing my usual thing around town. The random, constantly turning over mix of people and the quick get away provided by the road makes it different from public places that are part of a community.  The chances are still small but I don't think it's irrational to seek to reduce them further by being vigilant when it doesn't take much to do so. And I definitely prefer businesses, which have staff and security cameras and take some effort to get in and out of, to rest areas which have maybe a custodian, a direct on-ramp back to the freeway, and probably very limited camera coverage.

[LMD]

I'm not especially worried about trafficking. I am more worried about the opportunists.

 

Eta- winterbaby summed up my 'increase risk' thoughts for rest stops well.

Edited July 1, 2017 by LMD

[Ravin]

I wouldn't leave kid in car at rest area because I insist on stretching legs. I would first check for a family restroom, then send older child into their same-gender restroom (while hovering outside if place seems busy or sketchy) and take younger into restroom with me, with older standing right outside. Give the kid a whistle or alarm if you are nervous about strangers, but your son is more likely to be struck by lightning than assaulted in a random restroom by a stranger.

[Pen]

I would not leave child alone in car both for reasons of actual potential danger and for reasons of perceived danger. In my area we are told to call 911 immediately if we see a child or dog alone in a car during summer due to heatstroke issues.  Whether the awareness campaigns about this would have reached the area you will be in, I don't know.  I do know a friend who lost a loved dog due to just running in to library for a few minutes in summer to return books while dog was left in car with windows down a few inches, but it still got too hot.  A child can presumably open the car door and get out if it gets too hot, but maybe they don't always do that.

 

 

In and Around Cars | Safe Kids Worldwide

https://www. safekids.org/and-around-cars

‎

 

Heatstroke is the leading cause of non-crash, vehicle-related deaths for children under the age of 14.To help prevent tragic and unnecessary deaths due to heatstroke, Safe Kids and the General Motors Foundation created an awareness campaign called Never Leave Your Child Alone in a Car.

 

 

 

All of the other options you mention-- both kids in women's bathroom with you, or one or both waiting outside door for you, and vice versa, all sound fine. I presume you would use your good sense of safety as to time of day and general business of the rest stop or other establishment to decide what seems safe in the circumstances.

 

I am a single mom of a son and had him go in with me to women's rooms until age 7. At age 7 we transitioned to him going to men's while I waited outside the door (sometimes talking with him while he was inside). And having him wait for me outside door of women's when I went in there.  But if I were in the situation you describe I'd choose whatever option seemed safest and best for each situation.

 

[That70'sLisa]

I have read none of the replies but as a single momma of two boys, I would take my older-ish sons into the ladies room, LOUDLY but nicely explain to him, "Yes, Johnny, you are a little too old to be in here, but you're still too young to be alone in the car or rest area. Just wait right there by the sink, and I'll be out in a jiffy."

 

If it was one of those open doorway types, where there's no door to get in, I'd have him stand there, and if anyone approached, have him call out, "Yep- just waiting for my mom. Mom - this lady's lookin' for you!" and I'd plan on calling out.

 

Never, ever had anyone approach or comment in either situation.

 

[*LC]

Please don't feel you need to go in the back of your van. I always travel by myself with sons, and I have had them come in with me to the women's room as well as into the men's room with me waiting outside. (I am glad they are older now) We do use fast food restaurants or gas stations more than rest stops, but we have used those also. You have done a great job of finding family bathrooms use that research. Good luck on your trip.

[scoutingmom]

I must be weird. My son started using the men's room on his own at about age 6, and waiting outside the women's room for me at the same age. Same for using the YMCA change room for swim lessons.

 

 

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

[Guest]

 

 

A child can presumably open the car door and get out if it gets too hot, but maybe they don't always do that.

 

This happened to me with a TWELVE year old in the early '00s. He wanted to stay in the car and I was only running in for a minute. Someone stopped to talk to me and I figured he'd just open the windows or go sit on the hood even though I'd told him to stay in the car until I came back.

 

He didn't.

 

I don't think he could have gotten out by himself if I'd ran into someone else who wanted to talk. He was okay by the time we got home, but not really in his right mind when I got back to the car. The doctor gave him a clean bill of health and we never talked about it again because he was embarrassed and I was horrified by what happened but worse by what almost happened.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I must be weird. My son started using the men's room on his own at about age 6, and waiting outside the women's room for me at the same age. Same for using the YMCA change room for swim lessons.

 

 

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

From personal experience I would say you are closer to average than many of those on this board.

[Forget-Me-Not]

For me it would depend on the location and circumstances.  I took my oldest boy in with me for a long time, or I'd wait right outside.  We were on a road trip once and went into a gas station to use the bathroom. This guy looked him up and down and my alarm bells started ringing.  My son was probably 9 or 10 at that point, but I said, "Sorry buddy, you gotta come in with me this time."  It wasn't a regular occurrence at that point, but I made an exception that time. 

 

My SIL has been known to make sure the men's room is completely unoccupied, then stand guard and tell any men who come along that the bathroom is occupied and will be available in a second.  Thank goodness boys can pee fast :D 

I personally never mind if women bring their sons in, even ones who look a little older than I'd personally bring them in myself.  I totally get it.  

Edited July 2, 2017 by Forget-me-not

[ChocolateReignRemix]

My SIL has been known to make sure the men's room is completely unoccupied, then stand guard and tell any men who come along that the bathroom is occupied and will be available in a second. Thank goodness boys can pee fast :D

 

I personally never mind if women bring their sons in, even ones who look a little older than I'd personally bring them in myself. I totally get it.

Hopefully any man your SIL tries that with tells her where she can stick her obnoxious behavior.

[Tanaqui]

Oh, gosh, IEF. I'm glad it all turned out all right.

[RoundAbout]

This is a little off topic but given that women are more likely to have children with them using the bathroom, I wish the women's bathrooms were at least a bit bigger than the men's. So often I will see a huge line of women with small children waiting to use the bathroom while the men's bathroom has no line and is the exact same size. Obviously this varies by venue, but I stopped by the library right after preschool story-time this week there and saw probably 30 women in line with small children with maybe 2 men in the entire building. 

Edited July 2, 2017 by RoundAbout

[marbel]

<snip>

 

My SIL has been known to make sure the men's room is completely unoccupied, then stand guard and tell any men who come along that the bathroom is occupied and will be available in a second.  Thank goodness boys can pee fast :D 

 

<snip>

 

Assuming she also has a daughter, would her husband do the same outside the women's bathroom?   

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Keeping the men out of the bathroom is ridiculous! If I were the manager of the venue, I wouldn't allow it.

 

General comments, not all directed at the OP:

 

Look, we all have to live here on the planet together. If you can't share facilities with strangers (like everybody else world wide), just because you're afraid of people, maybe you should save up for an RV so you can travel with your own bathroom.

 

A little parental anxiety, such as makes you take borderline tall *little* boys into the women's bathroom with you, or makes you stand outside the men's room door, is normal. Beyond that, consider talking to your doctor about anxiety. Or if you choose alternative solutions, whatever you do please don't force all the strangers to accommodate you, everywhere you go.

 

Peeing in the car is disgusting. This nation has restrooms from sea to shining sea. Pull over and use one.

 

Whew! Now I feel better. This thread has been getting on my nerves.

[brehon]

Thanks, Tibbie. You said what I was thinking and much nicer, too.

[Zinnia]

QuikTrip is usually our go-to for bathrooms, followed by McD, then rest stops.

[AndyJoy]

That's interesting. I've been all over the U.S. and have never encountered a restaurant bathroom that requires a key code or key. I've only ever seen that at an occasional gas station.

I've been to several McDonald's restaurants in Los Angeles county that required $0.25 or a token to open the restroom door. It was so busy, however, that everyone held the door for the next person.

 

In a CA desert town where I lived, the restroom at Del Taco required a token (approximately the size of a dime). It was an outside door, and this was intended to cut down on graffiti/trashing it as you had to ask the cashier for a token.

[Tanaqui]

This is a little off topic but given that women are more likely to have children with them using the bathroom, I wish the women's bathrooms were at least a bit bigger than the men's. So often I will see a huge line of women with small children waiting to use the bathroom while the men's bathroom has no line and is the exact same size. Obviously this varies by venue, but I stopped by the library right after preschool story-time this week there and saw probably 30 women in line with small children with maybe 2 men in the entire building.

 

Additionally to what you said, women have to take off more clothes to pee because we don't use urinals, and cisgender women have smaller bladders (because of the uterus) so we pee more often - and that's even if we're not pregnant! (And while pregnant women pee the most, the rest of us are dealing with periods, so that also takes up stalls.)

 

Which is why, when I had small children and there was a line at the ladies' room, I felt no shame or embarrassment at all at dashing into the men's room. (I mean, I called in first and made sure to get an okay, because urinals, but I wasn't gonna let them wet their pants over this.)

 

[EKS]

I would take them into the women's room with me.

[SKL]

I would send them in the men's when you go in the women's.  Your 8/9yo can help your 4yo.  You will probably all finish about the same time.

 

The other day my 10yo daughter was horrified to see a boy in the women's.  She said he looked about 9yo.  I think 8/9 is too old (barring special needs).  If you're in a place that is so scary a 8/9yo can't use the toilet, then you as a woman are probably in more danger than your kids, and should find a safer place to stop.

[heartlikealion]

I wouldn't trust my 9 yr old to assist another child, but I don't know if he's NT. For example, if the 4yr old didn't want to cooperate (play in the sink or something) the older child might not have much control. Would they go in a stall together or huddle around a urinal together? I think that would be awkward if grown men came in to use the urinal and there wasn't a lot of personal space.